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Kindle Nation citizens helped make it a bestseller, and now RENA’S PROMISE: TWO SISTERS IN AUSCHWITZ is Our eBook of the Day at $9.99, or FREE via Kindle Lending Library, With 4.8 Stars on 110 Reviews!

“I do not hate. To hate is to let Hitler win.” – Rena Kornreich Gelissen

“The most important book of the modern age!” –  Neal Lavon, Voice of America

“The most historically accurate book ever written of the first transport of women into Auschwitz–the only book ever written by a survivor of that transport, who survived 3 years and 41 days in the camps.”  – Irena Strezlecka, Director of the Museum of Women at Auschwitz

On March 26, 1942, the first transport of women arrived in Auschwitz. Among the 999 young Jewish women was Rena Kornreich, the 716th woman numbered in camp. A few days later, her sister Danka arrives and so begins a trial of love and courage that will last 3 years and 41 days, from the beginning of the Auschwitz death camp to the end of the war.

Rena’s Promise stands out from other memoirs in mere length of time she spent in the camps. No other survivor from the first transport has ever written about her experience and what it meant to survive for so long as a peasant and a hard laborer who spent 10-12 hours a day making bricks, pushing lorries, sifting sand, performing cartwheels….

From her escape from Dr. Mengele’s experiment detail to her surreal meetings with SS woman Irma Grese, Rena tells a dynamic tale of courage and compassion that reminds us of the resiliency of the human spirit, and the power of people to help one another in unimaginable circumstances, be they Gentile or Jew, German or Pole, kapo or prisoner.

Visit www.renaspromise.com to see photos and art.

Visit Amazon’s Heather Dune Macadam Page

HEATHER DUNE MACADAM’S first book, RENA’S PROMISE: A STORY OF SISTERS IN AUSCHWITZ, is a memoir about the 716th woman in Auschwitz. Published by Beacon Press in October 1995, and nominated for the National Book Award, the Christopher Awards, the American Jewish Awards and the National Library Association Awards. RENA’S PROMISE has been published in the United Kingdom, Turkey, Japan and Germany (where it was book of the month in Sept. 1997). Ms. Macadam is active in fighting against Holocaust denial social networks by disseminating Rena’s story through YouTube, MySpace and her fan club on Facebook.

THE WEEPING BUDDHA, Ms. Macadam’s first novel, was released by Akashic Books in 2003. Based in part on a true story it is the fiction that attempts to deal with an unsolved mystery in Ms. Macadam’s life and was nominated for an Edgar; it was a finalist in the Nero Wolf Awards (2004); it was also a finalist for Best Mystery in the Lambda Awards (2004).

As commentator for NPR, Ms. Macadam’s quirky essays can be heard on ALL THINGS CONSIDERED. Additionally, she has been published inThe New York Times, Newsweek, Marie Claire, The Guardian, The Daily Mail, YOU Magazine (Sunday Supplement to Mail on Sunday), The Advocate and RACING HOME: SHORT STORIES BY AWARD-WINNING NORTH CAROLINA WRITERS (Paper Journey Press) where one reviewer referred to her as “an archangel with an avenging pen.”

Ms. Macadam began her career as a performance artist and dancer with the Martha Graham Contemporary Dance Company. After an accident prematurely ended her performing career she began writing. Dancers are fairly quiet people but since she discovered writing, she hasn’t shut up!

She received a Masters in Creative Writing from Southampton College, where she studied with Jules Feiffer, Roger Rosenblatt, Kaylie Jones (A Soldier’s Daughter Never Cries), and Booker Prize nominees, Gerard O’ Donovan and Brian O’Doherty. She has been awarded SCAD Presidential Grant for Research (2006) to conduct research on the poet Phillis Wheatley, a PEN American stipend (1997), THE WINSTON-SALEM EMERGING ARTIST GRANT (1996), OUTSTANDING WRITER OF THE YEAR in North Carolina (1995), and THE RONDTHALER AWARD for poetry (1993). She divides her time between New York and Herefordshire, England, and is a frequent visitor to Hay on Wye and the Hay Literary Festival.

Ms. Macadam teaches Creative Nonfiction and Journalism at SUNY Stony Brook Southampton and Creative Writing at the Young American Writers Program at Southampton College’s renowned Summer Writer’s Conference (regular guests to her classes include: Billy Collins, Frank McCourt, Melissa Banks and Amy Tan).

Visit Amazon’s Rena Kornreich Gelissen Page

“The most important book of the modern age!”  — Neal Lavon, Voice of America

“The most historically accurate book ever written of the first transport of women into Auschwitz–the only book ever written by a survivor of that transport, who survived 3 years and 41 days in the camps.”
Irena Strezlecka,  Director of the Museum of Women at Auschwitz

How do you go from being a grandmother to a writer? Well, you need someone with kind eyes to sit across from you so when you tell your story you can see your tears reflected in hers and you know what you went through is not only real, but touching the next generation.

If I have any motto for life after 3 years in Auschwitz it is this: The heart is only so big. So I do not hate. To hate is to let Hitler win. Please pass it on. Love, Rena

You can friend me on Facebook now renas promise – no apostrophe – and visit our website www.renaspromise.com where you can see photos of my family.

Used at Brown University in the Psychology Dept and in Holocaust programs at the college and secondary school levels.

And here, in the comfort of your own browser, is your free sample of RENA’S PROMISE:  TWO SISTERS IN AUSCHWITZ, by Rena Kornreich Gelissen and Heather Dune Macadam:



Today’s Kindle Daily Deal — Sunday, February 12 – Today only, four romance novels by Shannon McKenna–a sultry selection of stories about the intense and rugged McCloud Brothers–are just $0.99 each., plus … Laura S. Wharton’s LEAVING LUKENS (Today’s Sponsor)

But first, a word from … Today’s Sponsor

Leaving Lukens

by Laura S. Wharton
5.0 stars – 1 Reviews
Text-to-Speech and Lending: Enabled
Don’t have a Kindle? Get yours here.

Here’s the set-up:

World War II action, coming-of-age decisions, and a steamy romance fill the pages of Leaving Lukens, the new historical novel by North Carolina writer Laura S. Wharton. She refers to her genre as “romaction” – a little romance and a whole lot of action. Set in a small, dying, fishing village on North Carolina’s coast in 1942, the adult fiction is the result of painstaking research about the time, the war’s impact, and the settings of Lukens (which was once a thriving, real community). Any reader interested in World War II or North Carolina history will get a glimpse of how Ocracoke, New Bern, Oriental, and the coastline were impacted by the war in this novel.

This is Wharton’s second novel. The first, The Pirate’s Bastard, was released October 2010. Both are works of historical fiction, and both involve boats. Formerly from down east North Carolina, Laura loves to sail and participate in all water sports. The result of her love of all things nautical mingles with North Carolina’s coastal history in her books. Laura has been writing professionally for many years, and has a huge portfolio of feature-length articles in magazines and newspapers. She’s dipping her toe into the realm of social media, but admits reluctantly that technology makes her slightly nauseous.

 Each day’s Kindle Daily Deal is sponsored by one paid title on Kindle Nation.
We encourage you to support our sponsors and thank you for considering them.

 

and now … Today’s Kindle Daily Deal!

Today only, four romance novels by Shannon McKenna–a sultry selection of stories about the intense and rugged McCloud Brothers–are just $0.99 each.
Kindle Daily Deal Price: $0.99 each
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Four Brand New Kindle Freebies! – Joan Gable’s SUMMER OF FIREFLY MEMORIES, Mainak Dhar’s LINE OF CONTROL, Hillary E. Peak’s CAPPUCCINO IS THE ANSWER FOR JOB DISSATISFACTION and Crystal Hayward’s INSIDE HER OFFICE

With hundreds of new books turning up free each day now in the Kindle Store, it can be tough to hone in on books that you will actually want to read. And most of the new free books will be free for just a day or two at a time, so we are working hard to make sure that you do not miss the ones you want!

Here are some books that have just gone free by authors who have already proven to be favorites with Kindle Nation readers. Please grab them now if they look interesting to you, because they probably won’t stay free for long!

Important Note: This post is dated Saturday, February 11, 2012, and the titles mentioned here may remain free only until midnight PST tonight.

Please note: References to prices on this website refer to prices on the main Amazon.com website for US customers. Prices will vary for readers located outside the US, and even for US customers, prices may change at any time. Always check the price on Amazon before making a purchase.

* * *

4.2 stars – 4 Reviews
Text-to-Speech and Lending: Enabled
Here’s the set-up:
The road has not been easy for the McGreggor girls. Orphaned, the four sisters should have had each other, but over the past twenty years the hands of fate scattered each far from the others both geographically and emotionally.
One sister, Samantha, an eco-journalist who is at a personal crossroad, decides she must make peace with her past in order to find hope in the future. Over the course of one summer, she beckons each sister to return to a rustic lake resort that none have visited since their parents’ tragic deaths.
What happens when four grown women return to a place of shared and fleeting – “firefly” memories?

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5.0 stars – 1 Reviews
Text-to-Speech and Lending: Enabled
Here’s the set-up:
Jessica planned to change the world. She’s stunned to realize that job after crazy job presents strange characters and no real means to achieve her goal. Her solace from the daily insanity is found in a re-invigorating cappuccino. Moving from job to job and cappuccino to cappuccino, Jessica is certain success is just around the corner. She plots the next step to reach her goals and ultimate job satisfaction, but how to get there? Perhaps if she grabs another cappuccino, the answer will come to her . . .

* * *

4.5 stars – 20 Reviews
Text-to-Speech and Lending: Enabled
Here’s the set-up:

From the Amazon.com Bestselling author of Alice in Deadland comes a technothriller that’s been called by military experts as `better than Tom Clancy’

It is 2012, and the world is a more dangerous place than ever before. Revolutions have swept aside one Middle Eastern regime after another. A regime allied to Al Qaeda has swept to power in Saudi Arabia, and uses its oil wealth and modern arsenal to further spread Jihad around the world. Yet another military coup brings a fundamentalist regime to power in Pakistan, which initiates an audacious plan to strike the first blow in this new global Jihad. As unprecedented terror attacks stun India, the stage is set for a conflict that brings the Indian subcontinent to the brink of a nuclear apocalypse.

With a broad cast of characters that puts the reader into the thick of the unfolding crisis, a fast-paced storyline ripped from today’s headlines, and explosive action, Line of Control is a thriller uniquely suited to the times we live in.

* * *

5 stars – 3 Reviews
Text-to-Speech and Lending: Enabled
Here’s the set-up:

“Inside Her Office” is an erotica romance book about a newly divorced psychologist, Dr. Arden Fleurs, has a penchant for connecting with the most difficult sexually addicted head cases. A prominent figure in her community and a thriving business woman, she endeavors to fight the demons of her own darker side. Arden finds affection in all the wrong places, leaving her tempted to cross lines in the worst way with her new patient Dayrin.

In this first romantic book in a series of 3 romantic short stories, Dr. Arden Fleurs will only admit to herself that she is sexually attracted to a new patient, Dayrin, but keeps her hot, titillating sensations to herself while she drives Dayrin crazy for weeks. He can only have sex with himself while she satisfies herself with the men she plays with.

Arden “Queen of Tease” Fleurs is very good at how she uses and discards men and has had lots of practice doing so. She’s hot and she knows it, and she knows how to use it to torment her “boy toys”.

(This is a sponsored post.)

Kindle Nation Daily Bargain Book Alert: Dalma Heyn and Richard Marek’s Love Story for the Rest of Us, A GODSEND: A LOVE STORY FOR GROWN-UPS … Now Just 99 cents on Kindle!

A Godsend: A Love Story for Grown-ups

by Dalma Heyn, Richard Marek

4.9 stars – 10 Reviews
Text-to-Speech and Lending: Enabled
Here’s the set-up:

Does true love still exist?

Forget the joys and woes of online dating. Can two busy, independent adults living on opposite coasts who don’t use Facebook or Twitter;  who don’t bother with iPads, Match.com or even cell phones;  and who have absolutely no desire for another relationship (ever); fall in love?

This is the crucial question sticking in the quiver of The God of Love, whose career as a matchmaker is on the line unless he can prove he’s still relevant in this world of tweeters, texters and sexters who seem to do nicely without his services. He gets one more chance to work his old magic and get a great man and woman together, or he’s out of a job.

Enter Evan and Eve, whose life experiences make them—particularly her–wary when they meet. Evan is an outdoorsman, car enthusiast and book anthologist who has given up on love; Eve is a former ballerina who now runs her own Vermont maple sugar farm. When an ice storm threatens to destroy Eve’s maple trees, and Evan’s ex-girlfriend, now ill, begs him to take her in, their love implodes.  The God of Love is powerless to intercede. But the soul of a man and the heart of a woman are stronger even than the will of the Gods and the treachery of mortals, and the result is a love story for this day– and for all time.

In A Godsend, acclaimed author and thought-leader Dalma Heyn (The Erotic Silence of the American Wife; Marriage Shock: The Transformation of Women into Wives; and Drama Kings: The Men Who Drive Strong Women Crazy) teams with her husband, writer and editor Richard Marek, to create a love story for all of us who are no longer kids; who are ambivalent but hopeful even when we know how easily an affair can be sabotaged; but who also know that love happens in an instant….at any age.

  • “A grown-up, witty look at love. A terrific read.” — Amanda Silver, co-writer of Rise of the Planet of the Apes
  • “Wonderful writing, wonderful characters, wonderful story. If you’ve ever been in love, don’t miss it!” — Dav1d Lender, e-book bestselling author of Trojan Horse and Vaccine Nation
  • “As fast-paced as a good thriller — and as riveting.” David Morrell, bestselling author of First Blood (Rambo), The Brotherhood of the Rose, etc.
  • “Proof that lovers can dance at any age! I’ve been longing for an adult romance. Here it is.” Linda Gottlieb, Producer, Dirty Dancing

About The Authors

Dalma Heyn is a bestselling author, speaker and former Editor-in-Chief of Health Magazine and Executive Editor of McCall’s. Her books have been translated into 34 languages and have been bestsellers both here and abroad.  Richard Marek spent 40 years in the publishing business, rising from a junior editor at Macmillan to President and Publisher of E.P. Dutton. During that time, he discovered Robert Ludlum, edited four books by James Baldwin, and published Thomas Harris, Peter Straub and Richard Condon, among many others. He is the author of a novel, Works of Genius, which the Los Angeles Times rated one of the ten best books of the year.

(This is a sponsored post.)

KND Kindle Free Book Alert for Saturday, February 11: 205 BRAND NEW FREEBIES in the last 24 hours added to Our 2,900+ FREE TITLES Sorted by Category, Date Added, Bestselling or Review Rating! plus … Susan Kaye Quinn’s OPEN MINDS (Today’s Sponsor – $2.99)

PLEASE NOTE: Powered by our magical Kindle free book tool, here are this morning’s latest additions to our 2,900+ Kindle Free Book listings. Occasionally a title will continue to appear on this list for a short time after it is no longer free on Kindle. ALWAYS check the price on Amazon before making a purchase, please! If a book is free, you should see the following: Kindle Price: $0.00
But first, a word from ... Today's Sponsor
Wow oh Wow! I just inhaled this book. Quinn is an amazing author with an even more amazing imagination. In some ways Kira reminds me a lot of Katniss from the Hunger Games series.
Open Minds (Book One of the Mindjack Trilogy)
by Susan Kaye Quinn
4.8 stars - 55 reviews
Supports Us with Commissions Earned
Text-to-Speech and Lending: Enabled
Here's the set-up:
When everyone reads minds, a secret is a dangerous thing to keep.

Sixteen-year-old Kira Moore is a zero, someone who can't read thoughts or be read by others. Zeros are outcasts who can't be trusted, leaving her no chance with Raf, a regular mindreader and the best friend she secretly loves. When she accidentally controls Raf's mind and nearly kills him, Kira tries to hide her frightening new ability from her family and an increasingly suspicious Raf. But lies tangle around her, and she's dragged deep into a hidden underworld of mindjackers, where having to mind control everyone she loves is just the beginning of the deadly choices before her.
One Reviewer Notes:
Open Minds pushed me to the edge of my imagination and then tossed me over the edge as I screamed for more. Quinn has created an intensely dangerous world both inside the minds of her characters and outside - a world that left me asking myself questions I would never have asked before. When you can literally control the thoughts of others, how far will you go?
Michelle Davidson Argyle, author of Monarch and Cinders
About the Author
Susan Kaye Quinn grew up in California, where she wrote snippets of stories and passed them to her friends during class. Her teachers pretended not to notice and only confiscated her stories a couple times.

She left writing behind to pursue a bunch of engineering degrees (B.S. Aerospace Engineering, M.S. Mechanical Engineering, Ph.D. in Environmental Engineering) and work everywhere from NASA to NCAR (National Center for Atmospheric Research) to a little Venice Beach restaurant called The Green Bean (she was the bookkeeper). She has designed aircraft engines, studied global warming, and held elected office (as a school board member). Now that she writes novels, her business card says "Rocket Scientist and Author," and she doesn Susan Kaye Quinn grew up in California, where she wrote snippets of stories and passed them to her friends during class. Her teachers pretended not to notice and only confiscated her stories a couple times. She left writing behind to pursue a bunch of engineering degrees (B.S. Aerospace Engineering, M.S. Mechanical Engineering, Ph.D. in Environmental Engineering) and work everywhere from NASA to NCAR (National Center for Atmospheric Research) to a little Venice Beach restaurant called The Green Bean (she was the bookkeeper). She has designed aircraft engines, studied global warming, and held elected office (as a school board member). Now that she writes novels, her business card says "Rocket Scientist and Author," and she doesn't have to sneak her notes anymore.
UK CUSTOMERS: Click on the title below to download
Open Minds (Book One of the Mindjack Trilogy)
Each day’s list is sponsored by one paid title. We encourage you to support our sponsors and thank you for considering them.
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For fans of Mandy Baggot’s Truly Madly Greekly and Sara Alexi’s Greek Island series…What really happens in the room next door on holiday?The Aegean Sun Hotel is open for business and the staff are ready to welcome a variety of excited holidaymakers to their lively Greek island resort.The...
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Mangaluru (formerly Mangalore), is one of the cleanest cities in India, known for its amazing pristine beaches, its temples, and its rich diversity of people. Mangaluru is quite frankly a blend of old and new.Historically it has been a major port city due to its strategic location, hence the...
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The final guide for free and discounted food, accommodations, museums, sightseeing, outdoor activities, attractions, events, music, theater and rides.This is the best Kindle guide for freebies and discounts available in one of the most beautiful and interesting cities in the world: IstanbulAnd...
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This is a third course on three-dimensional rendering of models, building on my previous books, 3D Rendering in Windows and 3D Models in Motion. In this text we will cover spatial manipulation of objects in order to create the appearance of specific articulation. We also cover finer details...
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She's a curvy young bombshell with a loser brother. He's a bad boy bouncer with a heart of gold... Can they overcome their differences in the name of love?Will Ava's brother ruin everything for them?Will Cole’s past come back to haunt him?AvaThe place was a cesspitDrunken bikers leered at meMy...
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KND Kindle Free Book Alert for Saturday, February 11: 205 BRAND NEW FREEBIES in the last 24 hours added to Our 2,900+ FREE TITLES Sorted by Category, Date Added, Bestselling or Review Rating! plus … Susan Kaye Quinn’s OPEN MINDS (Today’s Sponsor – $2.99)

Kindle Nation Daily Bargain Book Alert: Sharon Potts’ GOODBYE NEVERLAND is Our eBook of the Day at just $2.99, or Currently FREE for Amazon Prime Members Via the Kindle Lending Library, with 4.6 Stars on 5 Reviews, and Here’s a Free Sample!

Here’s the set-up for Sharon Pott’s Goodbye Neverland, just $2.99 on Kindle or currently FREE for Amazon Prime Members Via the Kindle Lending Library:

If you’ve ever been a mom, or a daughter, or a wife…sometimes you just feel like flapping your wings and saying goodbye to Neverland. (Don’t ya?)

Wendy Wright, a stay-at-home mom, has a fairy-tale existence with three terrific teenage kids, a handsome husband, and a comfortable upscale lifestyle. She’s even won second place in the ‘Warmest Hearth in Our Hometown’ competition and makes a killer chili.

But Wendy worries about finding fulfillment “after the kids have gone off to college” and decides it’s time to step off the ‘Mommy Track’ and venture out of Neverland. Despite her family’s misgivings, she takes a temp job that’s well beneath her abilities as a one-time successful MBA.

But before long, hyper-competent Wendy is practically running things at the poorly managed company. Unfortunately, things aren’t so great at home. The kids are getting into trouble, Wendy’s widowed father has come to live with them, and her husband has lost his job and dignity in his own mid-life crisis.

Wendy feels the crush of the sandwich generation as she tries to juggle work, family and a marriage that’s fast unraveling. But Wendy’s not about to give up on her family, the company…or herself.

Goodbye Neverland will make you laugh and cry. But mostly you’ll be standing up and cheering for the moms of the world.

From the reviewers:

This … is not just another light read, but a story with depth and meaning. I was surprised to find myself not just laughing out loud, but occasionally in tears, relating very personally to Wendy’s very realistically portrayed family dilemmas. A terrific, deeply satisfying book.  –  Susan G. “Wellread”

As a guy who has picked it up and started all over … many times … albeit not as a mother with children, I actually felt the strain of change that led to mental pain during the various episodes unfolding within this nicely played out story. The main protgonist, Wendy, was soft yet hard; vulnerable yet efficient; lovable yet loveless throughout and I felt like she was another one of us just trying so hard to play with the big guys. It is sort of a chick book but in my own male chauvinist way I enjoyed it ’til the end.  –  Richard Albert

Life at its funniest and most frustrating. Sharon Potts spins this very funny, satirically serious tale that gives great insight into what we think is important, what we think is perfect and what is simply delusional.  –  Delia Foley

I’ve never been good with boundaries. When I’m told something can’t or shouldn’t be done, I’m usually incited to do it. For the last few years, my writing impulses have taken me into a world of dark places and suspense. I have put my heart into Jeremy Stroeb and Robbie Ivy and experience the same fears and terror they do as they search for family and truth.

I write novels of suspense and I hope I’ve done it well. IN THEIR BLOOD received a starred review from Publishers Weekly and the 2010 Benjamin Franklin Award for best mystery/suspense novel, and SOMEONE’S WATCHING also received kudos from the likes of Booklist and Publishers Weekly.

So why, when I’m on my way to establishing a successful brand as Sharon Potts–suspense novelist, would I decide to go against conventional wisdom and write and publish humorous contemporary fiction? Well, because I like Mozart and Dan Fogelberg and Degas and Picasso. I’m not a one-track tape. Maybe you aren’t, either.

I hope you’ll have a look at my latest work–SOUTH BEACH CINDERELLA and GOODBYE NEVERLAND. Yes, they’re funny–at least I intended them to be. But they also deal with the themes that are important to me and are in everything I write–about family, and what really matters in life.   Visit me at www.sharonpotts.com

And here, in the comfort of your own browser, is your free sample of GOODBYE NEVERLAND by Sharon Potts:


Today’s Kindle Daily Deal — Saturday, February 11 – Save 74% on Lawrence Block’s shocking suspense novel NOT COMIN’ HOME TO YOU, plus … Phil Torcivia’s WHAT A NICE GUY (Today’s Sponsor)

But first, a word from … Today’s Sponsor

What a Nice Guy

by Phil Torcivia
4.3 stars – 9 Reviews
Text-to-Speech and Lending: Enabled
Don’t have a Kindle? Get yours here.

Here’s the set-up:

Do you know any nice guys? Perhaps you’re married to or good friends with one. Well, consider the possibility that this nice guy is so frustrated with his relationship failures that he needs to vent to keep from turning into a bad boy with anger issues. Then, try not to spit hot coffee as you read his sarcastic rants about why men and women don’t seem to fit.

Excerpt from What a Nice Guy — Snippity Doo Dah

My initial vasectomy consultation is scheduled for today and I can’t get this song out of my head:

Snippity doo dah, snippity aye,
My, oh my, what a wonderful day!
None of my sperm is going to stray.
Snippity doo dah, snippity aye.

Mister blue balls getting older,
No child support
It’s so practical.
Everything’s satisfactual!

(Everbody now …)

Snippity doo dah, snippity aye,
Rubberless feelings coming my way!

If you’re staring at this page with mouth agape, you’re either my mother or a fertile woman. Men, can I have an amen? You betcha.

Look, ladies, I turn fifty this year. I need offspring like I need square dancing lessons. If I were to have one of my little guys actually find an egg, that would make me almost seventy by the time Junior went to prom. I’d be riding my daughter down the aisle on my scooter.

I’ve done the math. It costs $800, which is equivalent to twenty morning-after pills, two abortions, or a case of Silver Oak wine. I’ll sacrifice the latter for peace of mind. It is also one-hundredth the cost of a college education, one-tenth the cost of a used car (plus repairs), and half the cost of outgrown sneakers.

I know, I know. “You still need to wear condoms. What about STDs?”

That’s true (and it sucks), but it makes the whole process less stressful when breakage or slippage occurs. Actually, I think I’ve only had a rubber break once in my life. Slippage has happened numerous times. (OK, stop with the tiny penis jokes.) I’m sure we’ve all had that shocking/embarrassing moment when ole Willy leaves the party without his jacket. Then we have to go a-mining–trying to locate the jacket without pushing it in farther or causing spillage.

It’s an art, people.

When I mentioned my appointment to two female doctors I met this weekend, they both said, “Oh my god! Why would you do that?”

Judging by their reactions, you’d think I just toe-fucked a Pomeranian.

“Because I don’t want to have kids.”
“What if you end up with a woman who wants to have kids?”
“Then she can have kids.”
“So, you’d get it reversed, right?”
“Oh, hell no. I’d send her to the bank.”
“You’re awful.”
“Thank you.”

It’s a ten-minute procedure. That’s one-third of the time it takes me to run to CVS, crack open the capsule, and mix it in her OJ.

There is a twinge of anxiety around ball problems. I’m going to have to work through it (with a little help from my sponsor, Johnnie Walker). My friend has been dealing with complications from his snipping. It may have something to do with where he had the procedure done: at Señor Vaso’s in Tijuana.

“I had a reaction that makes my one ball think it’s cold.”
“Huh?”
“One of my nuts tucks itself high against my body.”
“So, you’re a bit lop-balled, are ya?”
“Yup.”
“That sucks.”
“Yeah it does.”
“How does one get that fixed? Insert a space heater?”
“No. The doc said he could snip the muscle that pulls it up or replace the ball with a silicone nut.”
“Ouchie.”
“No kidding.”

I wish I could just take a damn pill. Then again, I was with more than one woman transformed into Mrs. Hyde by the pill. I’d probably become emotional and begin watching American Idol and Glee. God forbid!

I’ll document the entire process for you as my service to humanity. Everyone must know someone with whom the song resonates. Now, to this man you can say, “You’re one snip away from a wonderful day.”

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and now … Today’s Kindle Daily Deal!

Not Comin' Home to YouKindle Daily Deal: Not Comin’ Home to You

In Lawrence Block’s shocking suspense novel, a pair of disaffected Midwestern youths meet, fall in love, and light out on a cross-country killing spree.

Yesterday’s Price: $7.69
Today’s Discount: $5.70
Kindle Daily Deal Price: $1.99 (74% off)
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