Here’s the set-up Thomas Smith’s City Chicken – An Urban Guide With One Illustration, just $2.99 on Kindle or Currently Free Via the Kindle Lending Library:

Early alchemists believed all things in the universe were comprised of varying ratios of four basic, natural elements — earth, air, fire and water. They had obviously never been to a city. Or anywhere with public restrooms.

They’d probably never seen an ant farm either or Manhattan-style clam chowder. In the city, asphalt, broken glass, paper cups and vomit appear to be the elemental building blocks. In general, many unsavory elements are drawn into the city by the bright lights, thus providing further proof of the old adage that nothing pretty ever flocks to a street lamp. And that linoleum is bad for your genitals. The city is a tough ecosystem in which to survive unprotected. Use condoms.

These are the words that begin your fateful journey into the wild, weird and wacky world of “City Chicken – An Urban Guide with one Illustration”. Don’t say that you weren’t warned. And, please, you’ve spent way more money on things that weren’t nearly as much fun – remember the rubber shoes that smelled like dog pee? Or the dill latte’ that made you spit out the car window? Um-hmm, I’m just sayin’…

From the reviewer:

A witty commentary on urban living that should not be missed! Buy it; read it, and laugh out loud. You won’t regret it.  –  “Books! Books! Books!”

Visit Amazon’s Thomas Smith Page

Having been a newt in a former life, Tommy desperately felt the need to move to Seattle in the early 1990’s. He regrets leaving his homeland of Michigan only because now he can no longer use his right hand to illustrate the outline of the lower peninsula of his birthplace. The state of Washington is shaped more like a breaded veal cutlet and is therefore more difficult to pantomime unless you’re at Denny’s.

Although having been accused of bringing his midwest values to the ultra-hip Seattle, he has since been assimilated and now has a tattoo and mostly black clothing. Seattle has been very good for Tommy and he happily lives there now with his partner, a cat, two dogs and lots of lint rollers to get that pet hair off his black clothing.

And here, in the comfort of your own browser, is your free sample of CITY CHICKEN by Thomas Smith: