by Gary Jonas
Gary Jonas is not on the FBI’s Most Wanted List (so far as he knows) because all of his crimes are committed as fiction. But that doesn’t mean that his own characters don’t have a serious bone to pick with him.
Jonathan Shade is a private investigator who handles cases dealing with the paranormal. His protector is the gorgeous Kelly Chan, a magically engineered assassin. They recently sat down at Kelly’s dojo to air some grievances with their creator.
Jonathan: Hey, Gary. We asked you to stop by—
Kelly: So we could kill you.
Jonathan: Whoa, Kelly, let’s give the guy a chance to redeem himself first.
Gary: Redeem myself for what?
Jonathan: Going public with MODERN SORCERY, m’man. You weren’t supposed to write that down.
Gary: It was too cool not to write about.
Jonathan: Cool to you. I had to live through it. Dude, fighting an ancient sorcerer is not my idea of a good time. I hear you’re writing more of our exploits.
Gary: I have a three book contract. The next adventure, coming in May 2012, is called ACHERON HIGHWAY.
Kelly (drawing her sword): He can’t finish the book if he’s dead.
Gary: What is it with you guys? Don’t you know who I am?
Kelly: Someone who’s going to be referred to in the past tense.
Jonathan: We can resolve this peacefully. Stop writing.
Gary: Sorry, Jonathan. Doesn’t work that way. You may think you have lives of your own, but I’m your creator. You’re going to have more adventures and I’m going to write them down. Deal with it.
Jonathan: You forget, magic doesn’t work on me.
Gary: Direct magic doesn’t work on you, Jonathan. I’m a writer so I can come at you in ways you can’t even begin to imagine.
Jonathan: Give me a break.
Gary: Kelly placed her sword against Jonathan’s throat.
Jonathan: Whoa, Kelly, move that sword!
Kelly: I didn’t put it there. That awful … no … wonderful writer did. Hey! Stop putting words in my mouth.
Gary: Sorry, guys. That’s my job. Your job is to have cool adventures I can share with people.
Jonathan: Can they be less painful?
Gary (shakes his head): Sorry.
Jonathan: Then at least let me get laid.
by Gary Jonas
5.0 stars – 7 Reviews
Kindle Price: 99 cents
Text-to-Speech and Lending: Enabled
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Here’s the set-up:
Magic can be deadly…
When Private Investigator Jonathan Shade’s ex-lover walks into his Denver office asking him to prove her father didn’t commit the murder that dozens of witnesses saw and security cameras captured, Shade finds himself in the thick of magical intrigue. In a world where evil warlocks refuse to die, magically engineered assassins deal merciless death and ancient myths aren’t quite so mythical, only Shade and his sexy partner, Kelly, can stop a power-hungry sorcerer from taking over the world.
Too bad Shade doesn’t have any magic.
They say that truth is stranger than fiction. Some of the following is true. For example, Gary Jonas writes fantasy novels such as Modern Sorcery and One-Way Ticket to Midnight. Well, that’s sort of true. The truth is that he’s already written those, but he will write more unless he gets too bored. But we’ll call that an example of true. Gary’s wife is Jessica Alba. Sadly, this is false. Jessica Alba won’t return his calls, but that’s the way it goes, and no, the restraining order doesn’t prevent him from going to California. Gary is an author for Sky Warrior Books. This is also true. In our quest for world domination, we know that having someone like Gary at our side during a zombie apocalypse is pretty useful. We can at least throw him in front of the zombie hordes while we run away screaming. It’s not that we don’t appreciate our authors. We just know our limitations. Gary, however, has added a number of true and false questions for us to puzzle over. Here are three; can you pick out the false one? 1. Gary’s stepmother hired a stranger to shoot off her foot with a shotgun. 2. Gary dreams of creating a religion so he won’t have to pay taxes and, in spite of the fact that he writes fantasy, people will believe him and pay him lots of money. 3. Gary dressed in drag and appeared on stage in front of a large audience telling a popular fantasy author that he wanted the author to lick his beaver, and raised his skirt to reveal a stuffed beaver hanging there ready for action. Which is false? None of them. Which is why Gary is part of the Evil Overlord plan and a valued minion. His other works include the upcoming Quick Shots, a collection of short stories and Modern Sorcery, an urban fantasy series. Check out his website http://www.sff.net/people/gary_jonas/ Oh, and don’t tell him about the zombie hordes.
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