Wisconsin Vamp: Monsters in the Midwest, Book 1
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Wisconsin Vamp: Monsters in the Midwest, Book 1 Audible Audiobook – Unabridged

Scott Burtness (Author, Publisher), Ray Lesniewski (Narrator)
4.1 4.1 out of 5 stars 391 ratings
See all formats and editions

Some vampires are destined for greatness. Herb Knudsen isn't one of them.

When truck-stop diner cook and mediocre bowler Herb Knudsen becomes a vampire, his once simple life gets a bit more complicated.

Herb’s not even sure how it happened. He wasn’t bitten by a vampire, which means there’s no one around to help him learn the ropes. With no one to guide him, Herb fumbles into his newfound abilities, courting disaster with every step.

Despite learning each new lesson the hard way, being a vampire isn’t all bad. He’s stronger, a little sexier, and a heck of a lot better at bowling. Even Lois, the girl of his dreams, is starting to notice him. But he can’t drink beer, the bodies are piling up, and his best friend Dallas isn’t just getting suspicious - he’s getting jealous.

When Lois is caught in the middle of the two friends' escalating rivalry, keeping his dark secret becomes the least of Herb's concerns.

Booze, bowling, bake sales, bar fights, babes, blood, and karaoke.... Who would have thought that being undead would make life so exciting?

About the Monsters in the Midwest series:

Herb, Dallas, and Stanley live in northern Wisconsin, where life is nice and simple.

Until Herb becomes a vampire.

And Dallas becomes a werewolf.

And Stanley becomes a zombie.

Join the three friends on their hilariously awkward journeys as they learn that there really are monsters in the Midwest, and that's not always a bad thing.

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  1. Listening Length
    9 hours and 24 minutes
  2. Author
    Scott Burtness
  3. Narrator
    Ray Lesniewski
  4. Audible release date
    September 13, 2019
  5. Language
    English
  6. Publisher
    Scott Burtness
  7. ASIN
    B07XSHDJGY
  8. Version
    Unabridged
  9. Program Type
    Audiobook
  10. See all details
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Product details

Listening Length 9 hours and 24 minutes
Author Scott Burtness
Narrator Ray Lesniewski
Audible.com Release Date September 13, 2019
Publisher Scott Burtness
Program Type Audiobook
Version Unabridged
Language English
ASIN B07XSHDJGY
Best Sellers Rank #313,147 in Audible Books & Originals (See Top 100 in Audible Books & Originals)
#3,590 in Humorous Fiction & Satire
#9,221 in Horror Fiction
#15,121 in Humorous Fiction

Customer reviews

4.1 out of 5 stars
4.1 out of 5
391 global ratings

Top reviews from the United States

Amy Dingmann
5.0 out of 5 stars Herb: A Celebration of All Things Average
Reviewed in the United States on August 29, 2014
Verified Purchase
Herb is a celebration of all things average. He's a beer drinking, bowling alley frequenting Wisconsin-ite that cooks at a truck stop and drives a noisy Pinto. Never mind that he gets bitten by a mosquito and turned into a vampire...

Actually scratch that, because turning into a vampire is maybe the best thing that's happened to Herb.

Maybe.

Wisconsin Vamp was a gamble for me for two reasons: a) I don't generally read vampire novels and b) I didn't know even know Horror Comedy was a thing. Thankfully, I ignored points a) and b) and was rewarded with a book that at times, had me laughing so hard I was shaking the bed. Herb is charming (in a non-sparkly vampire way) and has you rooting for him through the whole book.

Besides an engaging storyline, the writing itself is worth pointing out. The clever phrasing, the well thought out word choice, and the crafting of each sentence made me smile (and highlight) many times. Each sentence was like a meal; meaty and rich, full bodied and satisfyingly descriptive, giving you something to chew through to the next sentence, page, chapter, until you were finally through the book.

All in all, a great read. Well developed and humorously written characters, a deeper-than-one-might-assume storyline, and a fabulous cover all combine to make a great book that I'm very glad to have read. I look forward to more books in the Monsters of the Midwest series!
9 people found this helpful
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Michael
4.0 out of 5 stars Four out of Five stars!
Reviewed in the United States on October 27, 2014
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Wisconsin Vamp is the first book in Author Scott Burtness's Monsters in The Midwest series, detailing the unfortunate vampication of Herb Knudson who makes pretty good French toast.

Herb has spent his whole life as the victim. Bullies tormented him throughout his school years, one of them his best friend Dallas, and now as an adult he's plagued by crippling shyness around the girl of his dreams - who happens to be the waitress at the diner where he works as a cook. After being bitten by a strange mosquito, Herb finds himself as one of the undead... as in, he's become a vampire. He doesn't understand why, or what he's supposed to do, but he figures he'll just go with the flow. When bodies start to pile up, and his blood lust starts to control his life (as does his desire to get the girl before his friend does) Herb finds himself going down a dark path... and part of him likes it.

I really enjoyed this book. My biggest point to make for it is that the author is a terrific writer. The narrative of this story was very well done, almost poetic in a down-to-earth sort of way. It didn't just state facts like some books do, it actually gave great insight to the moment with a slightly detached voice outside of Herb. I found that very interesting, though sometimes it derailed the story a bit.

I give this book four stars, not because of editing or bad story telling. The editing was pretty good, and the story itself was fantastic. What makes me drop a star is the character Herb himself. I was kind of annoyed by his near speech impediment. The constant "Oh, um. Yeah. Right. Uh" stuff. It at times irked me a lot, and in other spots it kind of fit, especially at the very beginning. But it kept going, and I felt like that should have been tossed out as soon as he became a vampire.

Overall though, this was an awesome book. I greatly recommend it to those who are looking for a new take on the vampire story concept!
8 people found this helpful
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Albert Bowes
3.0 out of 5 stars There's a story in here, so show me, don't tell me
Reviewed in the United States on November 29, 2014
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I like unusual stories, so I wanted to give this one a chance against my better judgement. The author has a fine plot, good characterization, and fun dialogue. The problem? TOO much description! The author knows his setting well and does a good job in describing it. I would have enjoyed this story more if there was more action and less description. The set ups to the various plot points and obstacles facing the main character take too long without sufficient payoff for me, at least. As my tagline says, there is a story in here and it has the potential to be great instead of merely good. I am hoping that the author will tighten up the prose and pacing if this is indeed a series as he seems to indicate.
20 people found this helpful
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Kristi H
5.0 out of 5 stars new twist
Reviewed in the United States on March 27, 2024
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I really enjoyed this spin on vamps. It was funny but also has tension. Will be continuing with the series.
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Mary E aka Lockette
4.0 out of 5 stars Wisconsin Vamp
Reviewed in the United States on December 21, 2017
Verified Purchase
First of all, I love this cover! Nothing says Midwest to me like this guy on the cover! It made me keep this up on my kindle, waiting for me (way too long) to finish my next series so I could dig into this book. Every time I looked at it, it cracked me up! But for some reason, I wasn't in the mood for a comedy/supernatural read. Lucky me though, I happened to run into the author at an event in St. Paul, and after talking to him, that made me move the book to the next on my list! I even got to pick up a signed copy of the lovely Wisconsin Vamp in all its cheesy splendor!!! :) And what can I say? It was truly silly, truly midwestern, truly vampy and truly entertaining. Herb, a lovable new vamp in Wisconsin, is lost, not knowing how to navigate this new found blood sucking world. The reader gets to follow along as he learns as he goes, finding out what vampiric myths are real and what ones are just BS. Of course, there is the love of his life, the beautiful Lois, and his jealous best friend, Dallas. It's a crazy, vampy world for Herb and his friends as he tries to control his blood lust, make good decisions with his new life and tries to win over his true love. Overall just a wild, crazy, Wisconsin vampy thrill ride of a book!
2 people found this helpful
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Top reviews from other countries

li cran
5.0 out of 5 stars Funny, sad, real
Reviewed in Italy on February 4, 2022
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A very convincing little tale that makes it seem like the accidental paranormal happenings could actually be happening to a normal, everyday type of guy.
Very good chuckle material, but also some real ponderable moments about life in the everyday world.
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Ziggy Nixon
4.0 out of 5 stars A truly enjoyable, funny and extremely well-written tale!
Reviewed in France on July 31, 2021
Verified Purchase
4+ stars! A truly enjoyable and surprisingly extremely well-written tale about what happens to a regular guy turned into a vampire and the wackiness (and gore and mayhem) that ensues. Now, PLEASE don't think my comment about how I thoroughly enjoyed the author's excellent descriptive skills or - again - the unexpectedly erudite vocabulary and well-formed prose as an insult. No no no. It's just I came into this thinking 'ok, this will be a welcome relief from some of the more serious books I've read lately. So, you know, let's just enjoy this for the Schlitz and giggles' (which, to be fair, is the best pun I've come up with in YEARS!). Yes, it managed all that but at the same time kept me engaged and even a bit philosophical feeling as it all came to a head. And Burtness does indeed describe the local populace to a freakin' T! The folks here feel more real than seemed, well, possible! And it works so well, especially as we follow Herb through his changes and blood-enhanced growth as a creature of the night! Well done indeed! I can not wait to continue this series. That epilogue already has me hooked on Book 2, so there goes my weekend!

Enjoy!
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Dean Baker
5.0 out of 5 stars This book bites...but in a good way!
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on August 16, 2016
Verified Purchase
This book bites...but in a good way!
If you like to take a light-hearted approach to your Vampire themed fiction, there can be no better journey than with Herb, Lois and Dallas, Trappersville's very own royalty. Burtness captures the perfect comedic angle on small town life, from Herb's three alarm clock routine, to his cluttered trailer, to his idiosyncratic Pinto. And this is where the book really shines. Everyday routines take on a hilarious identity with the writers eye for the surreal and make small town characters jump off the page. The plot travels along nicely and without wanting to spoil things, Herb undergoes a change. This brings the character in an (almost) perfect arc, as we see how these changes affect Herb and his friends and their relationship with the citizens of Trapperville. The characters that draw you in, will have you crying for more, so be sure to check out the 2nd instalment, Northwoods Wolfman, for more larger-than-life Dallas action. You won't be disappointed!
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I OFarrell
5.0 out of 5 stars A brilliant funny read
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on August 18, 2015
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This book sees a very regular guy, Herb, get accidentally turned into a vampire by a passing mosquito. Herb is very much the guy next door; you can identify with him, like him, feel sorry for him. When things go well for him, you cheer, and when things go bad, you really feel for the guy. If you enjoy a vampire story then you owe it to yourself to read this book. It’s refreshingly honest and open; we are right there with Herb through all of his inner revelations.
I loved the words and phrases the author uses, he’s got a unique style for expressing humour; dry and up front. The cover definitely fit Herb well, very fitting. I thoroughly enjoyed this book and will be investing in the second in the series.
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Martin
5.0 out of 5 stars Funny, inventive and amazing
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on July 27, 2018
Verified Purchase
Just wow. The storyline at first focuses on purely on a bug and it's story of well wrong place wrong time them right in chapter one you meet the main character bam. Scotts descriptions are perfect especially for one who has never spent time in that part of the world.
You get an instant connection to the main character feeling what he is portrayed to feel.
I'm certainly getting the next in the series because I loved this one! 5 star read!
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