an excerpt from
Echo Of Her Cry
by Jamie Jones
Copyright © 2014 by Jamie Jones and published here with her permission
PROLOGUE
No One Should EVER Have to End up Here
I LAY FACEDOWN on the concrete. Bloody, bruised, crying, struggling to stand . . . Where am I? Who can I call for help? Immediately a vision of my cell phone popped into my head. I saw it just where I left it—in Benny’s room. I crawled, finding the strength to rise to my feet. I wasn’t very familiar with the location, but I thought it was close to my cousin’s house. I managed to hail a taxi that was leaving the neighborhood.
It felt as though only seconds had passed as the driver parked. I limped until houses were within view. Thankfully, the neighborhood was way closer to Dennis’s than I thought. Staggering, I headed down the street, constantly looking over my shoulder, hoping they were not behind me. The very thought forced me to try my hardest to run, regardless of the pain. Weak and numb from walking, my legs gave way, forcing me to the ground. The initial shock of the pavement crashing into my face left me breathless, so breathless I just lay still, seeking temporary comfort in the immobility. The comfort lasted but a second as thoughts of my attackers finding me rudely jolted me to my feet. The next few moments were a blur, but I was thankful to find myself at Dennis’s doorstep.
Ding-dong.
Screams of terror fired from the mouth of his wife, Joanna, at the sight of my bloody and swollen face. I still remember that horrific moment like yesterday. Like a CD spinning on repeat, it plays over and over and over in my head.
CHAPTER 1
Can’t Live with ’Em,
Can Hardly Live without ’Em
I‘M MYLA PICKINS. I’m nineteen years old, and I’m a native of Atlanta, Georgia. This story is part of my therapy. I’m writing it because it is my way of expressing what I’ve gone through, what I’m going through, and where I’d like to be. I would also like other young girls to be able to relate to my experience, to know they are not alone, and to never feel ashamed. I titled it, Echo of Her Cry—her referring to me, of course. An echo is symbolic of a repetition. My echo symbolizes constant crying. Think of how crying eventually fades. It’s all a part of my healing process! I’m still working up the courage to free myself of anything negative that I’ve allowed to paralyze my growth, though. Humph. I’ve got a long, long way to go.
Enough about that right now. I graduated from high school last year, which was a huge accomplishment for me. Yea! My parents are Deanna and Clive Pickins. They are both professional chefs. I didn’t grow up within a certain religion, but I was raised to have morals and common sense. My parents are very traditional. When they are home, it’s mandatory for us to eat our breakfast and dinner as a family. They totally speak against premarital sex, and any guy I talk to, even if we’re just friends, will be thoroughly interrogated by my dad, who, might I add, looks quite intimidating. He’s 6 foot 3 and weighs over 400 pounds. My mom, on the other hand, is 5 foot 6, has silky brown skin, and is kind of heavyset. She has the biggest, most beautiful brown eyes. My dad always tells the story of how her eyes caught his attention from across the room when they first met, not to mention her glowing personality.
Speaking of personality, let’s rewind to four years ago. I was fifteen in the tenth grade. My personality has always been very outgoing, and when I wanted something, I usually just went for it. You can say I’m very confident. I’m sassy but extra classy. I’m an average height with a medium frame. I hope I don’t sound too conceited by stating I’m shaped like the number eight. “Booyah!” Just kidding. I love myself, but I’m far from snooty. I get my skin and eyes from my mom. My natural hair is shoulder-length, but I begged my parents quite often for extensions. Sometimes they gave in to the idea, but for the most part, my mom encouraged me to embrace my youth as much as possible. I can’t shake the feeling of my hair flowing in the wind. It makes me feel like the girls in the videos, and what makes it even better is that guys at my school always told me I was pretty and that I belong in a video anyway. Pretty cool, huh?
Well, it was the last day of school; I was hanging with my best friend, Benita. Now she’s what you call wild. She’s very cocky, too. She’s on the slim side, very tall, and even resembles Tyra Banks a little. When we first met, we didn’t get along, but the more we got to know each other, the more we became inseparable. We were always together. When you saw her, you saw me. Vice versa. I had a crush on her next-door neighbor, also a student at our school, and he made it clear that he felt the same way about me. Anyway, Benita said she would give us some space while she chatted on the phone with her boyfriend. First of all, her mom, Miss Terri, was supposed to be watching us, but she trusted us enough to give us space to have a little fun around the house or in her yard while she took a nap. I mean, we’d never given her a reason not to trust us, so we made it quite easy to blink and not make her feel like she had to keep a close eye on us.
My parents were in California on a cooking assignment for a special event. My mother trusted Miss Terri because she had met her and because of my friendship with Benita.
Back to my crush—snow-white teeth, mesmerizing smile, chocolate skin, pipin’ arms, buff chest, low haircut, even with his hat . . . oh-so-heavenly cute! Bernard Lewis. He’s what I considered perfect. He was very popular at our school. I wouldn’t be surprised if every girl daydreamed about him. He was just that handsome. Everybody called him Benny. He was two years older than me, which made him seventeen. He had a very laid-back attitude. Nothing seemed to bother him, and he spoke in one even tone the majority of the time. There was something about his nonchalant attitude that I just couldn’t get enough of.
Well, anyway, he was at home with his older brother. But that didn’t matter. His brother allowed him to do anything he wanted to do. Very weird guy. He never spoke to me; he would just open the door and call Benny to the front of the house. So this being the last day of school, I went over to Benny’s house to talk. He invited me into his bedroom. I was a little nervous at first, but I proceeded because I really liked the guy. I mean, I say crush but dang, we’d been knowing each other for two years so we weren’t necessarily strangers. We used to hang out at our school in study hall all the time. As we sat on the bed, we talked about getting to know each other on a personal level. That conversation must have lasted about an hour. I was starting to get nervous that Miss Terri was up from her nap, and that feeling intensified when my cell phone rang. It was Benita.
“My mom is wanting to know where you are. I told her you went to speak to your aunt for a minute and that you were gonna head back shortly.”
She cleared her throat and coughed. That was our cover code. When we were covering for each other, we would clear our throat and cough so the other would know to play along. I didn’t have an aunt that stayed nearby. Benita knew, but Miss Terri didn’t, and that’s all that mattered. Although I had a cousin she’d met before who lives around the corner, I wasn’t going to risk saying his name and have her possibly call and check. Miss Terri grabbed the phone from Benita.
“Myla, now you know better, young lady. You need to get back now! I’m responsible for you!”
“Yes! Umm . . . I’m at my aunt’s, but I’ll be back shortly.”
“If you’d rather stay there, you and I need to clear that up with your mom.”
“No. I’m on my way!” I yelled nervously.
She handed the phone back to Benita while stating in the background that she was headed to the grocery store and that her oldest daughter was on her way.
As nervous as I was feeling, I wasn’t leaving Benny anytime soon. And knowing Miss Terri was headed to the store made me even less nervous. I had more time on my hands. I was always a risk taker, especially when it came to Benny.
“Where does your aunt stay?”
“I don’t have an aunt in this area.”
He laughed, “Y’all are some risky girls. I would love to see the look on your face if she asked your mama about her.”
Putting my hand on my chest, I let out a nervous laugh. “Don’t say that! I would just faint.”
Even knowing Benita’s sister was on her way didn’t bother me. She was similar to Benny’s brother, seemed like. She didn’t care what Benita and I did as long as we were safe. As I watched from the window as Miss Terri backed out of the driveway, I resumed my conversation with Benny. He started smiling as he grabbed my arm.
“So I’m gonna get right to the point. I like you.”
I blushed trying not to laugh and replied shyly, “I know you do. I like you, too.”
Trying to pretend I wasn’t excited about him liking me, I looked away, played with my hair a bit, and put my hand on my hip.
“I’m going to head back next door before Miss Terri gets back, but I would like to exchange numbers.”
He slowly looked me up . . . and down.
“What are you rushing for? We got time. Just chill for a minute.”
I agreed that I would stay a little while longer.
“So, Myla, tell me what kinds of things you like to do for fun.”
“Well, because of my confident personality, it may be hard to believe that it’s something so simple; anything that involves people I love is priceless to me. Whether it’s going to a restaurant, attending a family get-together, having a girls’ night out or a picnic, it doesn’t matter. I’m very easy to please when it comes to recreation.”
He looked a little confused.
“So why would that be hard to believe? Because sometimes people confuse confidence with arrogance, which doesn’t describe me. I love myself, and I know what I want. That’s all there is to it.”
Just as I finished my sentence, I saw Benita’s sister driving into their driveway. I knew she wouldn’t mind my not being there, but I really felt the need to leave. Benny and I exchanged numbers before I walked out. We talked every day and every night. My parents knew nothing about him, and I wasn’t about to tell because according to them, dating too young or too long is too unhealthy. Needless to say, they wouldn’t approve of our communication. I loved talking to Benny. Sometimes we were on the phone so late we would fall asleep. There were countless nights I hid my phone under my pillow and pretended to be asleep if one of my parents walked in my room.
Two months had passed, and I decided to visit Benny one day—he had the house to himself. We made plans the night prior because he wasn’t going to be at school that day. One of my classmates stayed two streets over, so her bus would drop her off near Benny’s house. Knowing I wanted to ride her bus home, I wrote out a note and signed it myself because I knew the bus driver would ask to see one since I didn’t normally ride that bus. It was early dismissal, and my parents didn’t know. My plan was to pretend I forgot about early dismissal, then end up having to ride the bus to Benita’s. The truth is, Benita and her family were on vacation in their hometown, Chattanooga, Tennessee. My classmate’s mom was going to take me home that evening. My classmate had already asked, and I had lied to them too—all to see Benny. When I arrived at his door, the excitement beamed all over his face.
“You really did it! Girl, I tell ya.”
“Well, you didn’t come to school today. You know I had to see you.”
We continued to talk and laugh. We even ate pizza that he ordered. In the middle of one of our conversations a little later, he leaned in for a kiss, which led to him trying to undress me. I quickly stopped him, then hurried to button my shirt.
“I’m not ready for that yet.”
He seemed to be fine with my decision. Things were moving way too fast, and I was ready to go home. He understood. I felt ashamed, though. I always talked big talk about how I would be “down for whatever” and tried to come off even sassier and bolder to impress him; but when the moment arrived to prove it, I backed out. He gave me a kiss on the cheek. I headed around the corner to get my classmate’s mom to take me home.
CHAPTER 2
Tell Me Anything Else, Baby
FOUR MONTHS LATER, I was head over heels in love with my Benny. I felt very special when he graduated early. I was finally able to say I was dating a college boy. That was a popular thing around our school, to date someone in college. Some people would say it even if it weren’t true. But I was able to say it honestly. My college boy was going to school to get a degree in business. He didn’t know exactly what business he was most interested in because he had many interests, but he knew he wanted a business degree.
One very memorable Saturday, I asked my parents if I could go over to Benita’s.
“Her sister, Nina, will be there, Mom. I’m bored, and I had a very busy week at school. I just want to hang out. Please?”
She looked at my dad to get approval. Then she reached for her cell phone.
“Okay, but I need to talk with Miss Terri first.”
My parents were always a bit nervous about me going over to Miss Terri’s neighborhood, especially at night. It was rough on their side, completely opposite our area. But little did my parents know I fit right in; I was queen of the suburbs, then blended in when I was with Benny on his side. My mom called Miss Terri. She was at work but assured my mom that her oldest daughter was at home to keep an eye on us. My mom gathered her purse and keys to drop me off. When we arrived at Benita’s, my mom walked inside to speak to Nina. She didn’t carry on a conversation or feed her a million questions like I thought. Moments after she left, I ran next door.
Benny was home . . . alone. His parents were at work, and his brother was at his girlfriend’s house. Benny and I had the house all to ourselves. We sat on the couch in the living room and talked for a little while.
“How was your day?” I asked as I reached across him for the television remote. He leaned back removing his cap, rubbing the top of his head in a forward motion.
“Pretty good so far. I can’t complain.”
He asked me for the remote. Scrolling down the cable guide, he yawned, then looked at me.
“Ain’t nothing on, baby. You wanna go sit in my room?”
“I guess,” I said giving him a suspicious look.
He guided me to his room, then closed the door. He threw his body down, falling back on his bed patting a spot next to him where he wanted me to sit. I sat down looking around at his junky room.
“Tell me that’s not the same chip bag I saw last week by your lamp!”
We both laughed in unison. He then grabbed my arm to pull me closer to him and started rubbing my back slowly and gently. Then he reached a little further up and played with the back of my bra. I reached around to move his hand. He leaned closer to me.
“What’s wrong? I can’t touch you?”
I didn’t say anything. My heart started to speed up a little bit. “I’m ju—”
Before I could continue, he kissed me. It seemed like it would never end. I enjoyed every kiss we shared, but this time felt a little different. It was an amazing feeling, don’t get me wrong, but this was a feeling I had never experienced before. He stood and undressed himself. I started to get nervous again.
“Wait!” I belted. He ignored my request.
“Not this time,” he replied slyly.
He was obviously referring to the time we had gotten this far and I backed out. This time he refused to take no for an answer. I must admit, I began to feel comfortable as we progressed. I didn’t even flinch when he pulled out his protection. This was the greatest feeling I’ve ever experienced in my life, which was at the time, as you recall, only fifteen years. I can’t believe I . . . well, you know the rest. Afterward, we dressed, and I went back to Benita’s house.
I suddenly felt a little shaky. I started praying that no one would find out. I didn’t know how I would have explained anything to my parents at that moment. Later that night my mom came to pick me up. I was acting a bit distant because of the guilt and because of how dishonest I was being. It’s kind of crazy, though, because you would think that scary feeling would have been enough to stop me from doing the same thing all over again with Benny. But it wasn’t. He was my everything. We continued this way for the rest of the school year. By our fourth time of being intimate, we got really silly and stopped using protection. I guess that dumb move goes hand in hand with me being a risk taker. We were very much aware of the possible consequences, but we were so wrapped up in our love for each other that we overlooked them all.
AIDS? No. Another form of STD? No. Late period? Yes. I refused to believe that it was anything other than my irregular period once again. I expressed my concerns to Benny, but he sort of blew it off as another pregnancy scare being that I had about three prior to this one.
“Everything is fine, Myla. I’ll buy a test and have it waiting for you to take the next time you come over. Okay?”
“Okay,” I said in a daze.
Two days later I went to visit him. I wasn’t my regular upbeat self. How could I have been? I had too much on my mind. Benny had the pregnancy test waiting, ready for me to take right away. Without hesitation, I went into the bathroom ready to finally face the answer to the question that had been ruling my mind. Was I pregnant?
“Benny!” I yelled from the bathroom. “Do you have a plastic cup? I’d rather take the test that way.”
He knocked on the door. “Can I come in?”
“Yes!” I hollered.
“Why are you so loud, girl?” he said playfully.
I looked at him annoyed, frustration all over my face. “Not today, Benny, my nerves are bad.”
“OK,” he sighed. “Call me when you have the answer. I’m gonna run to the store right quick.”
“Uh-uh! You are NOT leaving me here alone. What if one of your people come?” I looked away exasperated.
“Well, hurry up so you can ride with me.”
Just as he turned to walk away, we heard a car in his front yard. He looked out of the window and tried to look calm, but I knew he was nervous.
“Ah, man! That’s my mama outside!”
I panicked.
“Stop playing, Benny! Tell me you’re lying!”
He grabbed my arm and pushed me into his closet. He was telling the truth after all. As I could hear his mom getting closer to his room, I remembered I left the test in the bathroom. I was sweating, hoping she wouldn’t go in there. His mom knocked on his door.
“Hey, Mama!”
“Hey. Where is your brother?”
“He went to his girlfriend’s house.”
“Well, I’m headed back to work. I just had to come home and get my wallet. I forgot to put it back in my purse yesterday, and I need to pick up dinner tonight after work.”
I was so relieved she was leaving. Benny told her to be careful and locked the door behind her. Then he made his way back into his room to release me from the closet.
“Whew! That was close!” he said pointing to the restroom. “You wanna take your test now so we can go?”
I bolted into the bathroom to resume taking my test. The closer I neared to the answer, the faster my heart beat. I laid the stick down flat on a napkin as I awaited the result. I was too afraid to turn around and look, so I just sat on the toilet holding my head down. I finally worked up the courage after ten minutes had passed. My heart sank when I read the word pregnant on the screen. I immediately burst in tears. Benny ran in already knowing the inevitable. He grabbed me and told me everything was going to be okay. Though he was speaking with confidence, I saw fear all over his face. My heart raced and nearly jumped through my chest. Questions, like bullets, shot through my brain. What am I going to do? I’m still in high school. Will I be able to graduate? What will my parents think? What about my future? When is the best time to tell my parents?
I jumped off the closed toilet, threw the test in the trash, washed my face, and told Benny I had to go home right away. I walked next door to ask Nina to take me home.
“Are you all right?” she asked.
“Yeah. Just sick. I need to go home and lie down.”
The fifteen-minute ride seemed like forever. As I walked to the front door and turned the key, I pulled the key back out to catch my breath. I was scared. How could I possibly hide what I was feeling? I opened the door and ran to my room. My parents were in the kitchen preparing dinner. How was I going to eat with my parents with this on my mind? I decided to pretend to be too sick to eat at the table—or at all, for that matter. I just didn’t have an appetite. When the food was ready my mom knocked on my door.
“It’s time to eat.”
“I’m not feeling well, Mom. I’ll eat later if that’s fine with you,” I said trying to hold my tears back.
“What’s wrong, Myla?” my mom said while searching me for the answer.
“I’ll be fine. I think I ate too much junk food today. I’ll be okay, though.”
“Well, take something for it and lie down.”
“OK, Mom. Thanks.”
As soon as she closed the door, I soaked my pillow with my tears. Moments later, I heard my cell phone ringing. It was Benny. I forwarded his call to voice mail; I didn’t want to talk to him. I suddenly began to feel some sort of anger toward him and other personal experiences that didn’t seem fair to me. I mean, look what I’ve done! I’m now the statistic my parents point out to me in the newspaper. I’m yet another single African American girl bringing a baby into the world without a husband. How could I be so stupid? Is it Benny’s fault? Why is this happening to me? Each thought pierced even more than the first. I decided to call Benny back. Besides, I loved him. We both put ourselves in this situation, and I was going to need him now more than ever.
“Did you tell your parents?” he shot out even before a hello.
“Of course not! Not this soon. I think I’m going to wait until I can’t hide it anymore, like right before I start to show.”
“How you gonna get to your doctor appointments?” he asked curiously.
“Benny, I can’t think about that right now.”
“No, you need to handle that.”
As much as I hated to admit it, he was right.
“I’ll tell them soon; just give me a couple of weeks.”
The next day I isolated myself from everyone. I had a feeling my parents suspected something was wrong. I tried to act as normal as I possibly could, but it was a huge challenge considering all I had on my mind.
Benita called to ask me if I wanted to go on their next family vacation. I turned down the invite.
“Hello, Myla? M to the Y to the L to the A? Is this you? Miss ‘get in where I fit in’?” Benita said jokingly but seriously.
Because my mind was elsewhere, I tuned her out. I appreciated her for wanting to include me, but I told her I’d call her back when I had the time. Later in the day, my parents were in the living room watching a movie and asked if I wanted to join them. I agreed. Silly me. I wanted to object, but they knew I loved watching movies; to turn them down would appear very strange. At least the movie kept them so engrossed they barely focused on my behavior. Halfway into the movie, I took advantage of the moment and excused myself.
“I’m headed to bed, Mom and Dad. I’m a little tired,” I mumbled as I sleepily yawned.
“OK! Good night!” they remarked simultaneously. “And don’t let the bedbugs bite!” they snickered.
My parents. They still see me as their “little Myla.” How will I ever tell them? I watched as they enjoyed the movie together, then slid into my room before my tears became visible. I called Benny. We talked for hours. He told me how he felt. He said he was nervous, but he knew he had to do what he had to do. He then listened to me cry and get everything off my chest.
“It’s sad that it had to take something like this for us to wake up and get it together,” I whined.
The conversation went from both of us talking to me throwing peevish complaints. I eventually calmed down, but it was too late for Benny.
“I’m done with that subject, Myla,” he said in a firm voice.
I didn’t make it a big deal, but I did get very aggravated. I just decided to let it go. Besides, I had more important things to deal with.
CHAPTER 3
Baby Love, My Baby Love . . . He Did WHAT?!?
THE MOMENT ARRIVED. Exactly two weeks from my positive pregnancy test, I awakened from a restless night dreading the inevitable. I called Benny, who helped calm my nerves a little. He reassured me that we would get through this. After a long prayer, I took a deep breath, then forced the first step toward the hardest thing I’ve had to face in my fifteen years of living. I walked out of my room and headed toward the kitchen to get a drink of water and scope the scene. My parents were on their cell phones taking business calls. I turned back around. I just can’t do this! I can’t! I don’t know what to do! I silently yelled. I heard my cell phone from a distance. It was Benny. I answered, all the while trying to hide the howl swelling within my throat.
“My parents know now, Myla.”
A startling, “Huh?” was all I could muster.
“I told them. I was tired of hiding it. They wanna speak to your parents.”
Without saying a word, the tears plummeted to the floor.
“All right.” I hung up, ready to blurt it out without breathing in between. I just wanted my parents to know once and for all so we could put this behind us and move on. I walked into the living room and told them I had some very important information to share with them. They looked at each other with very confused looks on their faces. I took several deep breaths and just let it out.
“I’m pregnant!”
My mom immediately burst into tears. I felt as though my heart had been ripped out of my chest. I didn’t realize until that moment that I’d rather her yell, scream, holler . . . anything but tears. They were so disappointing, so much more painful; I hated to see my mom so distraught. My dad, on the other hand, just sat . . . enraged! Anger is a huge understatement to describe what I saw in his eyes. He rose slowly off the couch and walked toward me.
“How ungrateful, Myla! How ungrateful! We give you trust, and you can’t handle it. We’re out there working our behinds off to make life so much easier for you than it was for us growing up. This is for you! Everything we do is for you! The long hours, the traveling from state to state . . . We do it all for you!” he screamed. “Who is he?”
“His name is Benny!” I cried.
My dad turned to my mom. She then got up and walked past me to get to her bedroom. I excused myself from the room to call Benny and let him know that I had gotten through the scariest moment ever.
“You think our parents can talk now?” I asked.
“OK. I’ll tell mine it’s time.”
I approached my parents’ bedroom door but took my time as I listened to them express their frustration about the situation. I decided to knock to interrupt what felt like salt being poured into my wound.
“I just talked to Benny. His parents would like to talk to you.”
My father held a very menacing look on his face.
“I want to talk to them too. Face-to-face. And right now!”
I cringed as I told Benny. He relayed the message to his parents, and they agreed. Without hesitation, we headed to Benny’s. It was a very silent ride. I was extremely scared, and I was hoping Benita and her family wouldn’t see us; I was too embarrassed to reveal it to anyone else just yet. We finally arrived at Benny’s house. I totally stalled. I just wasn’t looking forward to any of it. His father opened the door. He seemed like a nice guy. He shook hands with my parents, then turned to ask me how I was doing. I just put my head down and shook it in disappointment.
Benny’s mother walked into the dining area and shook our hands. Puffy, pink eyes revealed that she had been crying; the hoarseness in her voice said she had been doing a little yelling as well. Benny walked out of his room and, to my surprise, seemed to have been crying as well. His father introduced himself.
“We don’t know each other, but we are somewhat forced, because of this situation, to build relationships with each other. I wasn’t expecting a grandchild from Benny so soon, but what’s done is done, and we just have to look forward, not backward.”
“I thank you for your kindness toward us,” my mom interrupted, “but for me, it’s not as easy to accept. Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m looking forward to my grandchild. It’s not the child’s fault, as we already know, but I’m very disappointed with my daughter and although I don’t know your son, my initial feeling toward him was anger. I’m not judging him, and that’s not an easy thing to do—especially with him being a bit older than Myla—but I’m hurt because he, along with my daughter whom I love very much, made an extremely unwise decision.”
She could barely get the last word out before she broke down in tears.
“I just don’t want anyone telling me not to look back! I am going to look back! Let’s be realistic here. Grant it, this situation is going to change both of their lives, but MY child is carrying this baby. It’s MY daughter who has to give birth. Mothers carry huge responsibilities. Not overlooking or underestimating the contribution of great fathers, but I see so many women out there doing it alone. I just ask that your son be a part of this and not leave my daughter to do this alone. I’m not referring to them being in a relationship, but they need to maintain a relationship for the sake of the child.”
My mother was livid. Those big, beautiful brown eyes looked so small and sad. My dad then turned to Benny.
“How did you and my daughter connect?”
Benny’s eyes were glued to my mom; I didn’t even know if he’d heard my dad. He stood and walked over to her.
“I’m sorry to be a part of the reason for this stressful time we’re all experiencing. I take full responsibility for what I’ve done. I was raised to make better decisions, and I’m sure Myla was as well.”
Looking my mom straight in the eye, he said, “I’m really sorry, Mrs. Pickins.” He turned toward my dad.
“Sir, we’ve been knowing each other for three years now. We both wanted to get to know each other better. And that’s how it all started.”
My mom continued to cry, not saying a word. My dad stood up and reached for his keys that were lying on my mom’s lap. He seemed a bit aggravated about something that was said. Maybe it was Benny’s dad’s comment? My dad ended the conversation.
“We won’t hold you much longer tonight. We will keep in touch and definitely make some sense of what we’re experiencing. Let’s go, Deanna.” He walked straightforward without turning.
“Myla!”
I nodded good-bye and followed suit.
Since then, my mom and Benny’s mom talk, like, every other day. My mom would even invite them over to eat with us. I have to say—although I was still nervous about being a young parent—things got a little easier after our parents knew and as we were all trying to build a familial relationship for the baby. I wasn’t sure about what was going on with Benny half of the time, though. Sometimes he seemed excited, yet at other times, he seemed frustrated and shut off. He started going to a lot of parties with his brother. It made me feel uncomfortable because I began feeling I was competing with older girls from his college; they were always flocking around him. So I decided I would talk to him about it. I called him one night when I thought he would be at home getting some sleep for work the next morning, but he was at a party!
“Benny, what are you doing? You need to be at home getting some sleep for work. You don’t need to be out partying all the time!”
He gave off one of his little nonchalant laughs. “I got’cha, li’l mama.”
His indifferent personality wasn’t attractive to me at that moment.
“Don’t talk to me like that! Who are you showing off in front of?”
Once again, I got the nonchalant laugh. “Let me call you when I get in the car. We ’bout to ride out.”
“You goin’ home, right?”
“Maybe,” he said while asking his brother if he was ready to go.
I heard a group of girls laughing in the background. I wasn’t having that. Pregnant or not, they were going to respect me. I hung up on Benny and searched for my mom’s keys. She and my dad were asleep, and I needed to put Benny in check. I also wanted to make sure there weren’t any flirtatious girls trying to be in his face. I slowly eased out of the house. I didn’t plan to be too long because I wasn’t supposed to be driving since I didn’t have a permit or a license. I examined the gears in the car carefully. Although my dad taught me to drive six months prior, I was still learning and making myself comfortable behind the wheel. In my frustration, I picked up the phone.
“Where are you?”
“Down the street from my house at my boy’s house.”
I hung up on him again. That’s all I needed to know. As soon as I entered the neighborhood, I spotted a driveway filled with cars. There were people standing on the outside drinking and laughing. Barely dressed girls were scattered like a flock of hungry birds. I parked on the grass and jumped out of the car, rolling my eyes at everybody. I didn’t speak to anybody. I walked in ready for whatever. As soon as I stormed through the door, I looked to the right and saw Benny.
“Bernard!!”
He looked at me like I were an alien. I could tell he wasn’t expecting me to show up. He quickly told everybody he was about to go. I’m sure he knew he was about to get embarrassed if he didn’t get his mind right. He got in the car without saying a word. Hmmm. I didn’t see his brother. Maybe he was in another part of the house with his girlfriend. I pulled out of the yard and headed down the street to Benny’s house. Trying to hurry before anyone saw us, I got straight to the point.
“Is this how you’re trying to act before your baby is born? Is that the example you want to set? And why you at a party where them dusty girls hangin’ around half-naked?”
Holding his head down and rubbing his hair, I could tell he was getting aggravated.
“Why you acting like that? I ain’t worried about them girls. They invisible to me. I’m just trying to have a good time.”
My blood was boiling. “That’s a sorry excuse, Benny! Our parents are communicating now. You don’t think you could’ve come over to talk to me? That’s not fun to you? Hangin’ out with the mother of your child isn’t fun to you? Huh?”
“Being constantly checked on by your parents like I’m five years old? No! That’s not fun.”
That comment went beyond angry; it hurt my feelings.
“Get out of the car, Benny. I have to get back home.”
“See? That’s what I’m talkin’ about. You be trippin’,” he mumbled as he stepped out.
I pulled off and drove home with pools of water sitting in my eyes. My parents were still asleep when I made it home. I called Benny, but he must have fallen asleep because he didn’t answer. I sent him a text telling him I loved him. That’s something that I couldn’t deny. He was the love of my life.
… Continued…
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