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KND Freebies: Award-winning novel THE LAST LETTER by bestselling author Kathleen Shoop is featured in today’s Free Kindle Nation Shorts Excerpt

GOLD MEDAL
2011 IPPY AwardsWINNER, Western Fiction
2011 USA Best Books Awardsplus 124 rave reviews!

“…I cannot get the characters out of my mind…beautifully written…”

For every parent forced to make heart-wrenching decisions in the name of love…
and for every daughter who thinks she knows her mother’s story…
comes this deeply moving novel by bestselling author Kathleen Shoop.

Don’t miss it while it’s just 99 cents!

3.9 stars – 176 Reviews
Text-to-Speech and Lending: Enabled
Here’s the set-up:

Katherine wouldn’t have believed it if she hadn’t found the letter…

Katherine Arthur’s mother arrives on her doorstep, dying, forcing her to relive a past she wanted to forget. When Katherine was young, the Arthur family had been affluent city dwellers until shame sent them running for the prairie, into the unknown. Taking her family, including young Katherine, to live off the land was the last thing Jeanie Arthur had wanted, but she would do her best to make a go of it. For Jeanie’s husband Frank, it had been a world of opportunity. Dreaming, lazy Frank. But, it was a society of uncertainty—a domain of natural disasters, temptation, hatred, even death.

Ten-year-old Katherine had loved her mother fiercely, put her trust in her completely, but when there was no other choice, and Jeanie resorted to extreme measures to save her family, she tore Katherine’s world apart. Now, seventeen years later, and far from the homestead, Katherine has found the truth—she has discovered the last letter. After years of anger, can Katherine find it in her heart to understand why her mother made the decisions that changed them all? Can she forgive and finally begin to heal before it’s too late?

Praise for The Last Letter:

“Gripping historical fiction—two women finding meaning behind all that went wrong in their lives. A timeless tale of redemption…”
     -NY Times bestselling author Melissa Foster

“Shoop’s characters breathe. I am blown away by the authenticity of the dialogue and setting…a gifted writer with a bang-on sense of atmosphere, time, place, and social class.”

“…like Little House on the Prairie on steroids in the best possible way!…”

an excerpt from

The Last Letter

by Kathleen Shoop

 

Copyright © 2014 by Kathleen Shoop and published here with her permission

Chapter 1

1905

Des Moines, Iowa

Katherine rubbed the second knuckle of her pinky finger–the spot where it had been amputated nearly two decades before. The scarred wound pulsed with each heartbeat as her mind flashed through the events that led to its removal. Was it possible for an infection to form inside an old sore?

Don’t think about it. Just do your work.

She snatched the clump of metal from the stone saucer and scrubbed the iron pot as though issuing it punishment. She caught her forefinger on blackened beans. Damn. She sucked on the nail. With her free hand she yanked the plug from the soapstone sink then opened the back door. Hot, thick wind brushed her cheeks and forced her eyes closed as she yanked the rope that made the dinner bell clang.

With a jerk of her hip she booted the door closed and wiped her hands on the gravy-splattered apron that draped her body. A crash came from the front of the house. A ball through the window? Another wrestling match over the last “up” at bat? She dashed to­ward the foyer to see what her children were up to.

She tripped over the edge of the carpet and caught her balance, gaping at the sight. There on the floor was her husband, Aleksey, kneeling over her sister Yale. A shattered flow-blue vase lay scattered around them.

Yale burped sending a burst of gin-scented breath upward.

Katherine recoiled as the odor hit her nose.

“She’s drunk? Take her to my mother’s!”

Aleksey looked up, his face strained.

“Just help…”

She couldn’t handle Yale. Not right then. She turned and headed back toward the kitchen. Their mother would have to res­cue Yale this time. As though being scolded from afar, her missing finger throbbed again, like a knife scraping at the marrow deep inside her bones the pain forced her to stop. Her mother hadn’t been there when she lost the finger. Her mother was never where she was supposed to be.

Katherine looked over her shoulder at the pair on the floor and clutched her hand against her chest. Yale gurgled, growing pale grey. Aleksey hoisted her and carried her to the couch.

She looked down at her smarting hand, against her heart, and clarity took over. It wasn’t Yale’s fault she was fragile. She’d been born that way. She’s your sister. Do something. She puffed out her cheeks with air and then released it. Her anger receded taking the throbbing pulse in her hand with it.

She grabbed a pot of hydrangeas from a side-table and ran out the front door, shook the billowy, blue flowers out of the pot send­ing coal-black dirt splashing over the wood planks.

Back in the house she slid onto the couch, Yale’s head in her lap, pot perched on the floor to catch the vomit. Aleksey paced in front of the women.

“She was at Sweeny’s. Alone. Men, tossing her back and forth like a billiard ball. I barely…”

Katherine covered her mouth. She had enough of her mother’s failures.

“I knew this kind of thing would happen. And, now-”

“She’s your sister and I know you love them even if you say you don’t care. Your mother’s dying. We have to help them.” Aleksey’s jaw tensed.

Katherine bit the inside of her cheek, struck by his rare disapproval of her.

“You can’t ignore this one more minute,” Aleksey said, “seven­teen years is long enough to forgive.”

Without warning, Yale bucked forward and vomited, spack­ling Katherine with booze-scented chunks before passing out again. Tears gathered in her eyes. Hand quivering, she swiped a chunk from her chin with the back of her hand then smoothed Yale’s black hair off her pale, clammy forehead.

She gulped and gritted her teeth.

“If Mother can’t take care of Yale, then it’s time for the institution.” The words were sour in Katherine’s mouth, yet she couldn’t stop them from forming, from hanging in the air, the spitefulness making Aleksey break her gaze.

Aleksey pulled the pot from between Katherine’s feet and held it near Yale as she started to gag again.

“Yale can stay here. They both can.”

Katherine rocked Yale, not wanting to let her go, but knowing she had to hold her mother accountable. She was the mother after all. She shook her head and slid Yale off her lap, patting her head as she stood.

Aleksey rolled Yale to her side as she heaved into the pot.

“I’ll call Mother,” she said heading toward the stairs.

“I recall a time,” Aleksey said as he held Yale like she was one of his own, “when you called your mother, Mama, and the word swelled with adoration.”

Katherine turned from the bottom step, her posture straight and sure, like she was headed to dinner and a play rather than to scrape someone’s vomit from her skin. She gripped the banister trying to channel the mish-mash of emotion into the wood rather than feel it.

“I don’t recall that. Calling her Mama, feeling warmth in the word. I don’t recall it a bit.” And with that she trudged upstairs to peel off the rancid clothes and to stifle the rotten feelings that always materialized upon the sight of her family, drunk or not.  

 

 

Chapter 2

1887

Dakota Territory

 

“Mama?”  

Jeanie jumped at her daughter’s thin voice. Katherine lay below her in tall sinuous grasses that bent with the wind, covering and uncovering her with each shifting gust.

“I’m hot and tired and when will Father be back?” Katherine rose up on her elbows. “I understand complaining is like an ice-pick in your ear, but I’m plum hot and plum parched and tired of wait­ing.” She jerked a blade of grass from the ground and bit on it.

Jeanie nodded and rubbed her belly. She was pregnant but hadn’t told anyone. Cramps pulled inside her pelvis. Would she lose this one? Nervous, she grabbed for the fat pearls that used to decorate her neck and smacked her tongue off the roof of her arid mouth.

She hacked up a clump of phlegm, turned her back to Katherine and spit it into the air. A sudden blast of air blew the green mu­cus back, landing on her skirt. Hands spread up to the sky, she stared at the ugly splotch marveling at how quickly her life had transformed. She would never have believed it possible before the scandal hit her own family.

With clenched teeth she wrenched a corner of her petticoat from under the skirt to wipe away the lumpy secretion. Her thoughts tripped over each other. Jeanie would not let doubt lin­ger, mix with fear and paralyze her. She would be sure the family re-grew their fortune, that they reclaimed their contentment, their name, their everything. If only Frank were more reliable. Damn Frank was never where he was supposed to be.

Arms wrapped across her body, Jeanie tapped her silk-shoed foot. They should head for water, but she didn’t think that was prudent. She’d heard people could lose direction quickly in such expansive land. That frightened her, not being in control, but she also thought perhaps the people who ended up wandering the prai­rie lost were simply not that smart or were careless. Slowly, as she ran her fingers down the front of her swelling throat, each scratchy swallow symbolized the wagonload of errors Jeanie had made and she started to understand that intelligence and survival did not always walk together.

Damn him. Five hours. They’d waited long enough for Frank. She pushed away the rising tears that grew from think­ing of the mess her father and darling husband had made for them. Be brave.

They needed to take action or they’d prune from the inside out.

“Let’s head for water.” Jeanie clasped Katherine’s hand and pulled her to standing. We can do this, Jeanie thought. Frank had tied red sashes around taller bushes that were scattered in the direc­tion of the well. Katherine wiggled free of her mother’s grasp and raced-as much as a girl could dart through grasses that whapped at her chest-over the land.

“Stay close!” Jeanie stopped and pulled her foot off the ground. She sucked back her breath as her slim-heeled shoes dug into her ankles. Katherine looked up from ahead, waving a bunch of purple prairie crocus over her head at Jeanie.

Jeanie turned to see how far they’d moved from the wagon. She could only see the tip of the white canvas that arched over it. She looked back in the direction of the well, of Katherine. The wind stilled. The sudden hush was heavy. The absence of Katherine’s lavender bonnet sent blood flashing through her veins.

“Katherine?” She must be pulling more flowers, Jeanie thought and rose to her tiptoes. “Katherine?”

Jeanie looked back at the wagon.

“Katherine!” Jeanie stomped some of the grass hoping the de­pressed sections would somehow stick out amidst the chunky high grass when they needed to return.

Katherine!” Jeanie’s voice cracked. She cleared her throat and shouted again. No answer. She shivered then clenched her skirt and hiked it up, thundering in the direction of Katherine.

KatherineKatherineKatherineKatherine! Bolting through the grasses, the wind swelled, it pushed Jeanie back as she pressed for­ward, turning her shouts back at her, filling her ears with her own words as she strained to hear a reply.

Jeanie stopped as though slamming into a wall, swallowing loud breaths hoping the silence would allow Katherine’s voice to hit her ears. Nothing. She ran again, right out of her luxurious, city-shoes, while cursing the mass of skirts and crinoline that swallowed her legs. Her feet slammed over the dirt.

The grasses tangled around her ankles, tripping her. Jeanie scrambled back to her feet and took three steps before taking one right off the edge of the earth. She plummeted into water. A pond. Jeanie stood and spit out foamy, beer-colored water. At least she could touch bottom.

“Katthhh-errrrrr-ine!” She slogged through the waist deep water, her attention nowhere and everywhere at once. The sounds of splashing and choking finally made Jeanie focus on one area of the pond. She shot around a bend in the bank to see Katherine’s face go under the water taking what little wind Jeanie had left in her lungs away.

Katherine shot back up. “Mama, Mama!” She dropped back under.

Jeanie lunged and groped for Katherine as the bottom of the pond fell away. Jeanie treaded water, the skirts strangling her ef­forts to be efficient. A bit further! The bottom must be shallow or Katherine couldn’t have bounced up as she had.

But the bottom didn’t rise up and Jeanie choked on grainy water. She burst forward on her stomach, taking an arm-stroke, her feet scrounging for the bottom. Her face sunk under the surface.

We’re going to die, Jeanie thought. Frank would never find them. Her boys!

Bubbles appeared in front of Jeanie and she reached through the murky water for Katherine. Finally, hands grabbed back, grip­ping Jeanie’s. She could feel every precious finger threaded through hers. Jeanie jerked Katherine into her body, lumbered toward the bank then shoved the floppy girl up onto it. Katherine lay on the grass, hacking and inhaling so deep that she folded over, gagging. Jeanie squirmed out and pulled Katherine across her lap, thump­ing her back until there was nothing left but empty heaves.

Silent tears camouflaged by stale, pond water warmed Jeanie’s cheeks. Her hand shook as she pushed Katherine’s matted hair away from her eyes, rocking her.

“We’ll be fine, Katherine. We’ll build a life and start over and be happy. We will. Believe it deep inside your very young bones.”

Katherine snuffled then blew her nose in her filthy, sodden skirt. Her voice squeaked. “Oh, Mama.” Katherine burrowed into Jeanie’s chest and curled into a ball in her lap.

Jeanie wiped Katherine’s mouth with the edge of her skirt, streaking mud across her cheek. She used her thumb to clean away the muck. Her daughter in need was all that kept Jeanie from roll­ing into a ball herself.

“My, my. We’ll be fine,” Jeanie said. And as her heart fell back into its normal rhythms heavy exhaustion braced her. “We’ll enjoy the sunshine all the more if we’ve had a few shadows first. Right? That’s right.” Jeanie knew those words sounded ridiculous in light of all they’d been through, but still they dribbled out of her mouth, as though simply discussing a broken bit of Limoges.

Katherine nodded into her mother’s chest. Jeanie shuddered, a leaden tumor of dread swelled in her gut. She wouldn’t let it settle there.

“Shush, shush, little one,” Jeanie kissed her cheeks. If Katherine and she lived through that they could live through anything. The pond event, as it came to be in Jeanie’s mind, was evidence they’d paid a price and would be free to accept all the treasures the prairie offered from that point forward.

“Are you crying Mama?”

Jeanie forced a smile then looked into Katherine’s upturned face.

“We’re not crying people.” Her fingers quivered as she tucked the stiff chestnut tendrils into Katherine’s bonnet. “Besides there’s nothing to cry about.”

Katherine gripped her mother tighter.

“I knew you’d save us, Mama. Even in Des Moines, I knew that no matter what, you could save us.”

Jeanie hugged Katherine close hiding the splintered confi­dence she knew must be creased into her face. What did Katherine know? She couldn’t know the details of their disgrace. She must have simply picked up on the weightiness of their leaving the fam­ily home for this-this nothingness.

Jeanie squeezed her eyes shut, trying to find the strength in­side her. She would not fake her self-assurance. She believed that kind of thing lived inside a person’s skin, never really leaving, even if it did weaken from time to time. Yes, Jeanie told herself, she was the same person she had been three weeks before. Losing every­thing she owned didn’t mean she had to lose herself.

 

***

 

Jeanie stood at the edge of the pond and inventoried her most recent losses: impractical shoes she shouldn’t have been wearing anyway; silver chatelaine that held her pen, paper, and watch; pride. Well, no, she was determined to salvage her self-respect. She clutched her waist with both hands, considering their options, then pulled Katherine to her feet.

“This standing pond water will poison us. We’ll continue to the well.”

Katherine patted her mother’s back then bent over to pluck some prairie grass from the ground.

The wooly sunrays seemed to lower onto their heads rather than move further away, settling into the west. Their dresses dried crisp-the pond-water debris acted as a starch-while the skirts underneath remained moist and mealy.

Jeanie wiggled her toes. They burned inside the holey stockings.

“Our new home will have a spring house, right Mama? Icy, fresh spring water?”

“I’m afraid, no, little lamb.”

“Oh gaaaa-loshes,” Katherine said.

Jeanie slung her arm around Katherine. “Let me think for a moment, Darling.”

The endless land looked the same though not familiar, appearing perfectly flat, though housing hidden rises in land and gaping holes that were obvious only after it was too late. All Jeanie could remember was running straight to the spot that ended up being a pond. Her heart thudded hard again reminding her she had no control of her existence.

A sob rumbled inside Jeanie, wracking her body, forcing an obnoxious, weak moan to ooze from her clenched lips. Toughen up. She pushed her shoulders down as her throat swelled around an­other rising sob.

Katherine pushed a piece of grass upward, offering it to Jeanie to chew on.

“You said you came around a bend, Mama.”

Jeanie closed her fingers over the blade of grass and wiped her mouth with the back of her hand.

“We’ll curve back around to get to the point where we can head straight back toward the wagon. Then we’ll know where the well is from there.”

They held hands, traipsed around the edge of the pond and rose up a gentle hill. From there, they could see a tree. Just one. Tall, yet knobby, as though surrendering to death a bit. But, even in its contorted form, Jeanie could see its vibrant green foliage and white blooms.

Katherine pointed.

“I forgot the world had trees.”

“Yes.”

“I’m thirsty Mama.”

“Don’t feel out of spirits. We’ll find the well. Better to ignore the thirst until then.” Jeanie wished she could take her own advice but she’d felt parched since she first perched atop the wagon seat three days before.

Katherine squeezed Jeanie’s hand three times saying “I love you” with the gesture. Jeanie squeezed back to say the same then looked away from the tree into nothingness.

They hugged the edge of the pond, following the bends back to the spot where Jeanie’s foot caught the cusp of the pond, tearing out some earth. Facing directly east, they headed back to where Jeanie thought the wagon sat.

“Get on my shoulders,” Jeanie said.

They faced each other with Jeanie’s wrists crossed, hands joined. Jeanie bent her knees and exploded upward swinging Katherine around her back. Katherine wiggled into a comfortable place on Jeanie’s shoulders and fastened her ankles around Jeanie’s chest.

“You all right, Mama?”

“My yes, Sweet Pea. All is well.” She was going to make all of that true. “Peel your eyes for the wagon.” Jeanie plodded, feeling Katherine’s weight quickly, thinking of the baby inside.

“Yes, Mama.” Katherine hummed a tune.

“Concentrate on the looking,” Jeanie said.

“The humming helps me look.”

“Well, then,” Jeanie said through heavy breaths. “Keep those eyes wide as a prairie night.”

“Wide as a what?” Katherine said.

“A prairie night,” Jeanie said. Katherine’s legs stiffened and she pulled hard around Jeanie’s neck.

Jeanie halted, absorbing Katherine’s tension.

“What’s wrong? What do you see?” Jeanie looked upward at Katherine’s face above her. She squeezed Katherine’s thigh to get her attention. Were they about to step into a snake pit, be tram­pled by a herd of cows?

“What is it?”

“A man,” Katherine said.

“Who?” Ridiculous question in light of them not knowing a soul in Dakota.

Katherine’s legs kicked-she gripped Jeanie’s bonnet making its ties nearly choke her.

Jeanie’s heart began its clunking patterns again.

“Where?”

Katherine didn’t respond so Jeanie swung her from her shoul­ders and tucked her behind her skirts. Jeanie glanced about the ground for something sharp or big. There was nothing that could be used as a weapon against a small rodent let alone a man.

Katherine clenched Jeanie so tight that the two nearly flew off their feet. Steadied, Jeanie couldn’t see anyone coming toward them. Her bare feet pulsed with pain making her feel more vulnerable. Katherine must be hallucinating, the thirst taking its toll on her.

Jeanie spun in place, craning for the sight of a man, the sound of feet, but a windblast made anything that might emit noise, soundless.

For a moment Jeanie was tempted to burrow into the grasses, hide there, play dead, anything to avoid the man, if there was a man. A new burst of sweat gathered at her hairline and dripped down the sides of her face. Katherine’s fingers delved into the loos­ened stays of Jeanie’s corset.

“Who’s there?” Jeanie yelled into the wind. She shuddered. She could feel someone watching them. She whirled again, Katherine whipped around with her.

Who’s there?” Jeanie shouted. This time her words tore through the air, the winds momentarily still.

“It’s Howard Templeton! Jeanie Arthur? That you?” A full, gruff voice came from behind. Jeanie and Katherine twisted around a final time. Jeanie’s body relaxed. If he knew her name it must be a good sign. She tensed again, maybe not. Maybe he tortured Frank and the boys and…she wouldn’t think about it. This Templeton sported a pristine black hat. His ropy limbs were strong though not bulky, not threatening in any setting other than that of the naked prairie.

Jeanie shaded her eyes and looked into his six feet two inches, meeting his gaze. A crooked grin pulled his mouth a centimeter away from being a smirk.

“Mrs. Arthur, I presume? There. That’s more proper, isn’t it? Don’t be nervous.”

“It was the wind,” Jeanie said. You scared me blind, she wanted to say, but wouldn’t. “I couldn’t pinpoint…well, no matter.” She wasn’t accustomed to making her own introductions. It felt rude to say, who are you? So, she said nothing.

Templeton removed his hat and bent at the waist, lifting his eyes. Was he flirting with this dramatic bow? She grabbed for absent pearls then smoothed the front of her dress before pulling Katherine into her side.

He straightened, replaced his hat.

“I met your husband, Frank, on his way to stake a claim.”

Jeanie flinched. Where was Frank?

Templeton jammed one of his mitts toward Jeanie, offering a handshake. She stepped backward while still offering her hand in return.

He clasped her hand inside both of his. They were remarkably soft for a man ferreting out a home on the prairie. He held the handclasp and their gaze. Jeanie looked away glimpsing their joined hands. She cleared her throat and wormed her hand out of his.

She wished there had been a manual pertaining to the etiquette of meeting on the prairie. Etiquette should have traveled anywhere one went, but she could feel, standing there embarrassed in so many ways, how unreliable everything she had learned about life would be in that setting. Jeanie ran the freed hand over her bonnet, straightening it then smoothing the front of her pond-mucked skirt.

Templeton shifted his weight, and drew Jeanie’s attention back.

“I advised your Frank to jump a claim. To take up in the Henderson’s place. That family never proved up and rather than you starting from scratch, I figured you might as well start from something. Besides, I miss having a direct neighbor. Darlington Township might have well over a hundred homesteads settled, but it’s really the few closest to you, the ones you form cooperatives with, that matter.”

Jeanie swallowed hard. She eyed his canteen and had to hold her hand back to keep from rudely snatching it right off his body.

“Well, I’m not keen on jumping a claim, Mr. Templeton. I’ll have to consult my own inclination before we put pen to paper on that.”

She bit the inside of her mouth, regretting she’d lost her man­ners, her mind.

“I’m sorry. My manners. It’s a pleasure to meet you. This is my daughter Katherine.”

Katherine smiled. “Pleased to make your acquaintance.”

Templeton shook her hand then folded his arms across his chest.

“You, Katherine, are the picture of your father. Prettier though, of course, with your mother’s darker coloring, I see.”

Katherine reddened, peered upward from under her bonnet then darted away, leaping and spinning.

“Stay close!” Jeanie said.

“So what bit you with good old prairie fever?” Templeton asked.

Jeanie looked around as though something drew her attention. She hadn’t considered what her response to that query would be. Her heart burst at the chest wall. Templeton’s quiet patience, his steadfast gaze heightened Jeanie’s discomfort.

“Circumstances.”

“I know all about circumstances,” Howard said.

“I don’t mean to be ill-mannered, but…” Jeanie eyed the can­teen Templeton had slung across his body.

He rubbed his chin then slid the strap over his head.

“Frank sent me with some water, figured you’d need it, that I’d be the best person to find you.”

“Water, thank you, my yes.” Jeanie licked her lips.

He handed it to Jeanie. Her hands shook, nearly dropping it as she unclasped the catch. She would give her daughter the first drink.

“Katherine! Water!”

Katherine skipped toward them. She took the canteen, shoul­ders hunched, eyes wide as they had been on Christmas morning.

“Watch, don’t dribble.” Jeanie held her hands up under the canteen. She forced her gaze away, knowing she must look crazed, staring at Katherine’s throat swallowing, barely able to wait her turn.

Katherine stopped drinking and sighed, eyes closed, content. She held the canteen to her mother.

Jeanie threw her head back, water drenching her insides. The liquid engorged every cell of her shriveled body. She took it from her lips and offered it back to Katherine.

“You finish up,” Jeanie said, cupping Katherine’s chin, lifting it to get a good look into her now glistening eyes.

“There’s got to be plenty back at the wagon now, right, Mr. Templeton?” Jeanie said.

He didn’t reply. He squatted down, squinting at Jeanie’s bare feet.

“You’re not going another inch with naked feet and phalanges. What a great word, I haven’t had use for since, well, never mind that,” Templeton said.

Katherine’s eyes widened.

“I’ll thank you to find your manners, Mr. Templeton,” Jeanie said stepping back.

“Don’t be harebrained, Mrs. Arthur. Allow me to wrap your feet so they’re protected should you step on a rattler, or into a go­pher hole. I’ll be as doctorly as possible.” Templeton stood and unbuttoned his shirt.

Jeanie waved her hands back and forth. “No, now, no, now please don’t do…” But before she could arrange her words to match her thoughts, Templeton ripped his shirt into strips and helped Jeanie to the ground. He turned her left foot back and forth. Jeanie’s eyes flew wide open, her mouth gaping.

Katherine sighed with her entire body.

“Sure am glad we stumbled upon Mr. Templeton. My mama wasn’t trying to be dis­agreeable. She’s just proper is all.”

“Katherine Margaret Arthur.” Jeanie snatched for her daughter’s arm, but she leapt away, humming, cart-wheeling. Jeanie’s face flamed.

Templeton’s deep laugh shook his whole body. He began to wrap her foot. “These feet look to have been damaged by more than a simple run across the land.”

Jeanie bit the inside of her cheek. She wouldn’t confide her utter stupidity to a stranger.

“Let me guess,” Templeton said. “I’d say you had a little trou­ble parting with your city shoes? Perhaps? The way your feet are lacerated below the ankles, as though stiff shoes meant for decora­tion more than work had their way with you?”

“Stay close Katherine!” Jeanie shouted to avoid admitting that in fact, she’d kept three pairs of delicate, pretty shoes and only traded one for a pair of black clodhoppers. The clodhoppers that bounced out of the back of the wagon just beyond their stop in Yankton.

Jeanie flinched as Templeton bandaged the other foot.

“Did I hurt you?”

Jeanie covered her mouth then recovered her poise.

“No. Let’s finish this production and get moving.” It was then Jeanie realized she was shoeless-and not temporarily speaking. She wouldn’t be able to sausage her swollen feet into the pretty shoes and she had nothing utilitarian in reserve. Frank was a miracle worker with wood, but wooden shoes? That wasn’t an option.

Templeton whistled.

“Nice you have such a grand family to cheer you while you make your home on the prairie. Times like this I wish I had the same. No wife, no children to speak of.”

“You’re unmarried?” Jeanie smoldered at the thought that not only a strange man handled her feet, her naked toes, but one who was batching-it! A scandal in the eyes of many. Thankfully, there were no prying eyes to add this outrage to her hobbled reputation.

Templeton snickered repeatedly as he moved with a doctor’s detachment. The feel of hands so gently, though firmly, caring for her, nearly put Jeanie in a trance. She couldn’t remember the last time someone had done such a thing for her.

“There. Good as new. Until we get you to the wagon, anyway. I assume you have another pair of boots there.”

“Well, I uh, I…” She told herself to find her composure, that she was one step away from a reputation as an adventuress or an imbecile if she didn’t put forth the picture of a respectable woman.

“Had a shoe mishap?”

“It could be characterized that way.” Jeanie wanted to die. How stupid could she have been?

She turned one foot back and forth and then the other before having no choice but to look at Templeton and thank him for his assistance. Blood seeped through bandages and she nodded know­ing he had been right. She’d have been wrought with infection and open to the bone if he hadn’t wrapped her.

“Thank you Mr. Templeton. I thank you sincerely.” Jeanie put her hand over her heart.

He pulled Jeanie to her feet.

“My pleasure.” Templeton gave another shallow bow then tied an extra shred of his white shirt to a small cobwebby bush to use as a landmark, to show Jeanie and Katherine how the prairie land could work against even the most knowledgeable pioneer.

Jeanie knew she’d been careless that day, but she certainly didn’t need white ties all over the prairie to keep her from getting lost again. She’d be more vigilant next time.

Move on, Jeanie. No time for moping. Jeanie drew back and lifted her skirts. She stepped onto the fresh bandages then snapped her foot back in pain. She held her breath and pressed forward ignoring the pain.

“It’s this way,” Templeton said. “You’re turned around.”

Jeanie halted. Her face warmed further than the heat and anxi­ety had already flushed it.

“I suppose I’ve made some dire errors today, Mr. Templeton.”

“I suppose we all do at first, Mrs. Arthur.”

Jeanie puckered her lips in front of unspoken embarrassment. When was the last time she’d faced a string of endless failures? Never. She wondered if that could be possible, or if she was just making such a fact up in her mind.

“This way, my sweet!” Jeanie pushed her shoulders back, tugged her skirts against her legs and took off in the correct di­rection, Katherine beside her with Templeton just behind, gently guiding them back to Jeanie’s family, back to the life she didn’t think she could actually live with, but would not survive without.

 

Chapter 3

1905

Des Moines, Iowa

In the three days since Yale had stumbled drunk into Katherine and Aleksey’s home, the couple had made the decision that their Edwardian home, even with four children, allowed more than enough space to care for both the cancer-stricken Jeanie and Yale, who was slow. There wasn’t much to do in the way of transporting her sister and mother’s belongings into Katherine’s home for other than two trunks and some hanging clothes; they did not own a single item that needed to be moved.

It wasn’t Katherine’s decision to have them come. She resisted with all her might but Aleksey, had for the first time in their mar­riage, asserted the type of overbearing male dominance so many men reveled in regularly. He told Katherine she had no choice but to let Jeanie and Yale live with them. It was Katherine’s duty to nurse her mother back to life or onward to death and it was her job to comfort and house her struggling sister.

Katherine stood in their doorway and watched Aleksey help Jeanie, one awkward step after another, up the front steps and across the porch. Katherine may not have remembered any warmth toward her mother, any sweet, shared moments or precious mother/ daughter secrets, but she felt them from time to time, inside her skin, down in her soul, coursing through her body. Below the surface of her conscious mind was the memory of a woman she once adored. Normally when that flash of love for her mother shot through Katherine, she pushed it away, and let the resentment, the gritty hate that seemed to be layered like bricks, weigh on the goodness, squashing it out.

But now, with her mother being ushered into her home for Katherine to tend until she took her final breath, she let the shot of warm feelings sit a bit; saturate her mind, hoping the sensation would allow her to cope.

As Aleksey and Jeanie entered the front room, Katherine watched Jeanie’s gaze fall over the carved-legged mohair davenport, velvet chair, and an oil painting done by Katherine herself. The thick Oriental rug drew Jeanie’s attention, then when Katherine pushed the button, the diamond-like chandelier jumped to life, drawing Jeanie’s gaze before she settled it back on Katherine’s painting, one she’d done when they lived on the prairie.

Jeanie’s once graceful posture was hunched over an ugly black cane as her hand opened and closed around the handle as though the action soothed her. Jeanie’s brown hair, pulled tight into a bun, was thin, sprouting out of the severe style. The frail woman straightened, stared at the painting then brushed the front of her dress before falling hunched over her cane again.

Katherine told herself to find the love she wanted to feel. She took Jeanie’s elbow and helped her to the couch, hoping it didn’t smell like the old hound that often curled on one corner.

Aleksey kissed Jeanie’s cheek and took her cane, supporting that side as they shuffled to the davenport. Acid rose up inside Katherine and blossomed into full envy at the warmth Aleksey showed Jeanie-the fact that he could touch her without looking as though his skin would combust on contact, as Katherine felt hers would.

Katherine gritted her teeth as she and Aleksey turned Jeanie and settled her onto the davenport. She sighed and squinted at Aleksey. She loved him more than anyone except their own children, but this may be too much.

“I’ll get that sweet tea you made, Katherine.” Aleksey headed toward the hall.

Katherine couldn’t have guessed exactly what her mother was thinking, but the puckered lips and narrowed brows didn’t look positive.

“Well,” Jeanie said. “You’re a little late with your spring cleaning, but the place is respectable all the same. I can see you purchase things that last.” Jeanie smoothed her dress over her knees then smiled at Katherine.

“I know you mean that as a joke, Mother, but I don’t appreci­ate it.”

Jeanie scowled and Katherine flinched, waiting for hard words in return. Her mother opened her mouth and closed it then stared toward the painting with reed straight posture.

The pounding of the ice pick as Aleksey split the ice into cold slivers mimicked Katherine’s heartbeat. She took a deep breath. How could a person feel so uncomfortable with the very person who gave her life? She prayed for Aleksey to speed it up in the kitchen as time moved like a fly in honey for the two in the front parlor.

With a startling jerk, Jeanie grasped Katherine’s hand. She jumped in her seat, so surprised that her mother actually touched her. She stared at their hands then at her mother’s profile. Jeanie gazed at the moody landscape Katherine had created on that awful day so long ago.

“You were such a beautiful artist,” Jeanie said. “I remember when you did that one.”

Prickly heat leapt between their hands, making Katherine sweat with anxiety. Jeanie caught her confused expression then squeezed her daughter’s hand three distinct times. I love you. Each unspoken word was hidden in the three contractions of Jeanie’s grip. Katherine nearly choked on swelling anger as she fought the burst of tears that threatened to fall.

With her free hand, Jeanie brushed some hair back from Katherine’s face. Katherine, still as marble, wanting her mother to stop touching her, cleared her throat, feeling like she might pass out.

“Oh, I know,” Jeanie said. “So very serious you are. I was once that way…I…well. I’m sorry, Katherine. I shouldn’t have…I should have told you everything years ago, but…” Jeanie’s gaze went back to the painting. “I want to explain.”

Katherine nodded once but angled her shoulders away, trying to put as much space between them as possible. Katherine couldn’t go down that old prairie path again. It was too late for explana­tions. She would have sprinted out the door, but her legs were numb. The only energy in her body seemed to exist inside the space between her and her mother’s intertwined fingers. Hurry Aleksey. Katherine closed her eyes. Aleksey returned with a tray and tea, ice cubes clinking in the tall glasses.

He set the tray on the table in front of the women. Katherine silently begged him to notice her blood had rushed to her feet, that he should hoist her over his shoulder and take her away from this woman who, in merely touching Katherine, made her unable to render useful thought, to move, to live.

Trust Aleksey, Katherine told herself. She told herself to hope, to believe that something would be gained from this operation- from what Katherine saw as self-inflicted torture.

But, with Aleksey standing there, handing out tea, acting as though it were perfectly normal that Jeanie was there, with Yale asleep upstairs, Katherine decided she might never speak to Aleksey again.

 

Chapter 4

1887

Dakota Territory

Jeanie, Katherine, and Templeton crested a hill and stopped. Jeanie was eager to get to their wagon but relieved to give her smarting feet a break. She lifted one foot then the other, grimacing, as Templeton discussed their trek up to that point. He motioned back in the direction they had come, where he had tied a piece of his shirt to a bush, saying that even though the path to the crest upon which they stood had risen slightly and slowly, that Jeanie should always be aware of how deceptive the prairie land could be.

She turned in place, taking it in, seeing that on that sloping land the world seemed to open up but also it hid things. The fat, blue sky stretched in every direction without a landmark to mar a bit of it. Like the tie on that bush. It was gone, as though it never existed. Jeanie shook her head. So, it wasn’t just that she and Katherine had been irresponsible in getting lost earlier, it was tricky land.

Templeton walked Jeanie and Katherine twenty yards further over the slope. And as though a magician had lifted a curtain, there appeared, one hundred and fifty yards east, a small frame home and the Arthur’s wagon sitting near a crooked barn. Even from that distance, Jeanie could make out Frank, their eleven-year-old son James, and Katherine’s twin brother Tommy fiddling with the wagon wheel.

The three of them walked east as though searching for something lost in the grass. Frank swaggered; his wiry body bore his unconscious confidence. But, he tapped the side of his leg-the one outward sign that something was bothering him. His movements were like a set of fingerprints. Jeanie could pick him out of a thousand other men if they were all in shadow, she was sure.

Katherine tore away from Jeanie and Templeton, gallop­ing, twirling around to wave at Jeanie before breaking into full sprint to greet her father and brothers. Tommy glanced up at his approaching sister then carried on with his play-walking a few yards before throwing himself to the ground, shot, by some evil intruder.

And her James. Jeanie’s first born. He lagged behind, but leapt into the air as Katherine raced by him and slapped his backside, making her fall into giggles that carried over the land. James had perfected a subtle, bellow of brooding, never quick to laugh or lash out. Each of them unique though together they formed a mass of love and pride, each one inhabiting a chamber of Jeanie’s heart. If one were to disappear it would surely kill her instantly.

Templeton pointed west, past Jeanie’s nose.

“If Katherine fell into the pond I think you’re describing, you must have seen that tree.”

Jeanie nodded toward the crooked one she’d seen earlier.

“That’s the bee tree. It’s actually part of the Henderson’s, no, your homestead, now. You can’t see the tree from everywhere, but it’s an anchor of sorts. Then there’s another anchor just over there, at the far end of the Hunt’s property, a cluster of six or seven trees.”

Jeanie rose to her toes to look.

“Your bee tree and the Hunt’s cluster are the most obvious landmarks between the five closest homesteads in Darlington Township. Gifts, sprouting from the land to guide and direct us.”

Hoots of joy from Frank and the children startled Jeanie. She looked back at the family. They ran into the sun, past the sinking yolk, their bodies exploded blaze yellow, each outlined in black to mark where one golden body ended and another began.

Jeanie looked at

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Copyright © 2014 by Layton Green and published here with his permission

                                     The Present

Southwest Atlanta, Jan. 19, 8 p.m.

I open the door of the abandoned house, and the palm of a massive hand forces me backwards. It pushes me all the way into a chair in the corner of the room.

The man’s other hand is clutching a piece of thin yellow paper, the type used for summonses and warrants. I’m an attorney, and I know that paper by sight.

And I know that this time, my name is printed on the front.

He stands above me, face rigid, eyes burning like twin medieval forges on the eve of war. I’m six-two and a buck ninety-five. I grew up rough, I’ve never backed down from a fight, and I’m not afraid of very many people.

But no way in hell am I getting out of this chair.

“You don’t understand.” My voice sounds disembodied, a voice that can’t believe it is having this conversation. “It’s not me. It’s them. Him.”

“Him?” He plants the paper in my chest, almost knocking me backward in the chair. “Is whoever-the-hell’s name on this warrant? Or does it say Derek Gabriel Miller?”

He removes his black duster and tosses it on the couch, covering the stains from the previous squatters. The bulk of his handgun is lurking in its holster.

I feel trapped in some noir dream world where normal people are criminal suspects and enraged detectives are screaming at them. My head drops and I can’t meet his gaze. I’m thirty years old, jobless, on my way to being disbarred, rotting from a broken heart. People I love are dead and dying. There’s a murderer on the loose.

I feel the bandage rubbing against my side. My own life is in danger, and I’m a suspect in two felony cases. What does one do when life disappoints this badly? How does one act? What does one say?

I’m innocent, of course. Although who is innocent and who is guilty in this twisted clown show through which we totter, alone and unsure, clawing at that cosmic veil separating us from meaning and truth? Who among us is innocent, and who among us can judge?

I say, “He’s the one I told you–”

“Shut up.” He turns his back and paces the room. A cigarette is lit in one smooth motion. Wrist curled inward, he sucks on the cigarette like it’s an oxygen tank. “I want to know about the girls. The ones you somehow failed to mention. The black one first. Where is she?”

“I don’t know.”

“That’s what the lowlifes say. You know something or your name wouldn’t be on this warrant.”

“Are you going to try and listen, or just shout?”

“I’m gonna do whatever the hell I want.”

I lower my head again. I try to find my spirit, but it’s been swallowed by that piece of paper in his hand.

“The white girl,” he says. “Did you hit her? Put her in the ward?”

“Of course not.”

“I guess this other guy did that too?”

“Or his lackey.”

I have a sudden vision of her lying in bed at the hospital, mind stricken, body slack. The image emboldens me. “You’re right,” I say. “I do know something. I know lots of things about those two girls. I know things you wouldn’t believe, things I’m not even sure I believe. But I don’t know where she is, and you know it. I wish I did.”

He snorted. “Wouldn’t believe? I’ve seen it all, champ. All the filth and piss and misery that human beings can possibly do to each other. So don’t give me that.”

A sublime calm relaxes my face, a calm born of fear, exhaustion, and desperation. The kind that comes when there is no place else to go. “You haven’t seen this.”

His voice is dangerously still. “Is that right? More of the psychic crap?”

“I tried to tell you. You didn’t listen.”

He unhooks a pair of handcuffs from his belt and dangles them. “You know what these mean? What they mean to you? To a white hotshot lawyer who killed a black girl from the hood? Once you’re in, doesn’t even matter if you did it.”

“I don’t think she’s dead. But I’ve never even laid eyes on her.”

“Then why’s your name on this piece of paper? And don’t lie to me, or you won’t make it to prison!”

“I’m not lying. Just shut up for one second and listen!”

He slams his fists on the arms of my chair, jarring my elbows. The manufactured woodiness of his cheap cologne assaults me.

My mind races, trying to figure out where it all began, deciding what to tell him and what to keep locked away. The rush of memories brings a shiver, and my eyes slink to the window.

“Don’t think,” he says softly. “Talk. From the beginning. I don’t care how long it takes.”

I stare at him, search his face for commiseration, for sympathy, for any emotion I can grasp onto.

None of which I find.

Summer, 2011

-1-

The second Saturday in June of 2011 was the first night I saw the man in the brown suit. Who he was, and his mysterious connection to Dr. Carter, would soon become an obsession. At the moment it was a flicker of curiosity amid the silky haze of the Toureau Dagmon Summer Associate program.

Manesh and I were standing at the makeshift bar in the living room of Dr. Carter’s Buckhead mansion, in front of floor-to-ceiling bay windows showcasing the arboreal splendor of Atlanta’s premier zip code. Perfect people filled the room. I flexed my shoulders against the stitching of my new Brooks Brothers suit and thought what a fine thing it was the firm was paying us two grand and change a week to attend social functions and play at being an attorney.

Two grand a week meant a six figure salary. That wasn’t even part of my lexicon. When my first direct deposit posted I could only gape. Two grand was a lot of double espressos, a lot of five dollar covers at the Dragon’s Den, a lot of loads of laundry and cheap drafts at Igor’s, a lot of secondhand novels, a lot of swings at the batting cage.

A helluva lot.

The entire first week I’d gone to work in the only suit I owned, a hand-me-down from a college roommate. I was petrified someone would notice I was wearing the same suit every day, so I wore a different color shirt each morning and took off my coat as soon as I arrived.

If I got an offer, I wouldn’t have to worry about such petty things. But I expected no such providence. The firm knew who I was and where I came from. This gig was a joke, a favor to Dr. Carter. I’d be let down gently after the summer, left to troll the legal world looking for jobs for regular people, like the vast majority of my classmates.

But that night was my night, my gossamer strand to the will-o-the-wisp realm of social legitimacy. The summer associate cocktail hour host du jour was Dr. Sam Carter, my mentor and guide through this labyrinth of privilege. Without him I’d be one more graduate of a respectable but not Ivy League school, with good but not eye-popping grades, hustling my resume to some insurance defense shop that would barely pay the note on my mortgage-size student debt.

Instead I was sipping top-shelf liquor in a modern Roman villa, standing in the same room with a former Olympian, a couple of ex-U.S. attorneys, and a state senator. Across the room, regaling a rarified pair of senior partners, was a real Senator.

Where was I?

There were forty-five summer associates at the Atlanta mega-firm of Toureau Dagmon, culled from the top ranks of the best law schools, and our life was absurd. We had a two-Martini lunch every day, a function like this every night, and playtime in between. If we weren’t at some partner’s obscene house, we were at a private room in a restaurant, or a VIP lounge, or a country club. Then there were the after-parties, and the after-after parties. Any restaurant, any bar, every night. Whenever and whatever we wanted.

Recession? These people didn’t know the meaning of the word.

We weren’t there to learn the practice of law, we were there to wine and dine. They wanted to know who had the goods, who could schmooze the CEOs and convince a jury the Easter Bunny was real and on our side. If just one of us brought in a million-dollar client in the future, the whole summer of excess was paid for in spades. And the family connections of most of the summer associates made that a certainty.

Oh, we knew we were the proverbial lambs before the slaughter. That the hollow eyes and forced smiles of the associates would one day be ours, if we made it in. That only the very best of the very best made partner, with the rest cast aside like aging buffalo, left with bruised egos and high blood pressure and gilded of-counsel nameplates.

But no one was complaining. It was still the American dream. Whatever guarded preconceptions one has of the good life, when it’s laid at your feet, you take a long hard look at it. And someone like me, who grew up in a trailer and got Christmas presents from Goodwill, didn’t need any convincing.

I called Dr. Carter my mentor because I didn’t know what else to call him. He was a prominent Atlanta psychologist, and I met his son, Jay, on a baseball team when we were kids. I was the pitcher, Jay played first base, and we became fast friends. There isn’t a wrong side of the tracks when you’re ten.

Jay stopped growing a few years later at five foot four, two inches shy of his father. When Jay hit high school, he was rich, tiny, and universally picked on. He had one trump card: me. The kids at Jay’s private school were petrified of me, which made me laugh. I was big, and knew how to fight, but I was far from the toughest kid at my school, or even in my own family. My older brother was a legend.

Dr. Carter was forever grateful for my warding of Jay, and he also respected me. Jay had a big heart, but he took his life of privilege for granted. I was hard-working and grasping for something better.

Jay died in a car wreck his first year of college. I lost my best friend, but Dr. Carter lost himself. His wife had left years ago, and Jay was his only child. I became Dr. Carter’s therapy, and he became my Havisham.

I wasn’t sure how I ended up at Toureau. I just knew that one of the partners asked me how Dr. Carter was doing before I’d told anyone I knew him. It was the first of many mysteries that would soon swirl around Dr. Carter like rare moths around a flame.

The second mystery, the man in the brown suit, had just walked through the door.

-2-

Manesh broke off his conversation with the elegant black man serving drinks, and nudged me. “Check out Sears & Roebuck.”

A middle-aged man about my height, thinner, paler, had just walked past the doorman without so much as a nod. He stepped into the library, across the foyer from us. He had a strong brow, a Roman nose, and a scar along the right side of his neck that I could see from across the house. Out of habit, I put my hand over my own scar, a two inch social stigma right in the cleft of my chin.

Men with visible scars didn’t come to this type of party. Neither did men in polyester pants and worn camel brown sport coats.

“Who the hell’s that?” Manesh said. “The help?”

Manesh was a Gujarati Indian from Tennessee. He was short and skinny and awkward as hell. Outside of work he wore cowboy boots and spoke in a rapid-fire Southern accent which, yes, was an anomaly. He loved rap music and fried food and online poker, as well as all things blond and buxom.

“Wrong color,” I murmured, and not in jest. I had yet to see a white man serving drinks at one of these functions.

I didn’t want to stare, so I positioned myself so I could talk to Manesh and keep watching the man. He didn’t act out of place; he had the same pre-possessed, self-important air the partners had. He folded his arms, looked out the window, tapped his foot while he waited.

“Maybe he’s a P.I.,” Manesh said. “I hear the firm has some on payroll. Or one of Dr. Carter’s crazyass clients.”

After Jay died, Dr. Carter scaled back his private practice. He still took on a few clients, but now he concentrated on research.

“What if he opens fire?” Manesh continued. “Maybe the firm screwed him or some shit. What if he’s got a Nine under that coat?”

“Have you ever seen a nine millimeter?” I said. “Not counting in a video game?”

“Dude, I grew up in Memphis. What do you think?”

“You’re from Germantown. I think you’ve never seen a gun, period. And I don’t think any self respecting gangster would “open fire” with a Nine.”

Manesh mumbled something into his drink. I grinned, then Cameron swished through the front door. Conversations paused, heads turned, my grin expanded. Cameron had a body that could make a eunuch sweat. She made eye contact with Manesh and me, then twirled into the maelstrom.

What a trio we were. The dregs of Biglaw. In the world of Southern privilege we stuck out like Carnies without tattoos, and that was our yoke.

Biglaw, roughly defined: Fortune 500 clients, average partner profits per year pushing a million, offensive hourly rates, the largest top-tier law firms in the world. Toureau was one of a handful of firms in the Southeast that could claim Biglaw status.

Personally, I hated that word. It conjured images of those law students who stole notes and hid library books and spent their two free hours a day surfing greedyassociates.com to find out which firm was paying the highest starting bonus. Biglaw was their nightly wet dream.

Cameron could have been one of them, if she wanted. She was white, cultured, a Northerner on the lam. She had a big-time lawyer father and an Ivy League education, that rock star body and a narrow face a few clicks shy of beautiful. I wasn’t sure why she was slumming in Atlanta, but I knew she had some issues. She had no respect for authority and even less self-esteem. She was a jaded, pill-popping, hard-drinking wild child.

But we had only met three weeks ago, so who knows what her deal really was.

I was the real outsider. Manesh claimed his family owned an entire village in India. True or not, his father was a surgeon outside Memphis. Manesh and Cameron came from money. I was the first in my family to go to college, let alone law school. My mother still waited tables, and my father was a truck driver. He trucked away when I was five and never came back.

The man in the brown suit was still tapping his foot and looking around the room. I followed his gaze until it rested on Dr. Carter. He didn’t seem to notice, and the man’s foot tapping grew more insistent.

Cameron walked over and slid her arm through mine in that cocktail chic way. Her perfume was a feathery jasmine, suggestive as always. Straight blond hair, brown at the roots, swished and then settled on my arm.

She looked sober as a Baptist, except for that half-cocked grin that always appeared when she was drunk. I’d seen that same grin every night for three weeks.

I lowered my voice. “It’s only eight o’clock, Cam. You’ve still got a lot of fake smiles to pull off.”

She gave me a squeeze and removed her arm. She was wearing clingy black pants and a silk blouse, pumps and a silver bangle, walking that fine line between hot and trashy she always managed to pull off. Even with the makeup Cameron’s face was a tad asymmetrical, but I don’t think anyone besides me noticed. The eyes of most men never reached her face.

Her diction was impeccable, and she spoke in that accent-free voice everyone affected at these functions, except the senior partners, who did whatever the hell they wanted. Cameron could pull off the firm voice with the best of them. I sounded ridiculous, like I was trying to imitate an English butler.

“Don’t worry about me,” she said. “Who do you think’s been shoving drinks in my hand?  How come you’re both staring at that poor man? He needs a tailor, not a fan club.”

Manesh kept repositioning his arms, as if he didn’t know what to do with them. He had the game of a bubble boy. Even though Cameron was his friend, she still tongue-tied him. “I heard you got drunk with Buckley last night,” Manesh said.

Buckley Weatherholt was a newly minted partner, a notorious womanizer, and an arrogant prick. The rumor mill at Toureau ran like a Swiss watch, and we’d all heard it earlier in the day. I couldn’t have cared less. What Cameron did was her business.

Cameron gave a dismissive wave. “We were the last two at the bar, that’s all. Just building up a little goodwill.”

“I thought you said you didn’t care about an offer from this nest of harpies,” Manesh said, sucking his frozen margarita through a straw. I tried to tell him frozen drinks were not appropriate for the straight male, but he wasn’t interested.

But that’s what I liked about Manesh: he didn’t give a damn.

“That was last week, after the Dragon Lady gave me that summary judgment brief the night before the Rebirth show. This week is different. Derek knows how a woman’s mind works. You should take some lessons.”

“I know women,” Manesh muttered. “I bet–” He cut off as Buckley himself approached, narrow-shouldered and curly-headed, soft face stamped with privilege.

Buckley inclined his head in that stentorian half-nod partners liked to give to the serfs. “Glad y’all could make it tonight. Derek, I understand you’re acquainted with our host?”

I knew at once nothing had happened between him and Cameron. He wasn’t forcing it, and his eyes never left Cameron’s chest. If something had gone down, he’d be looking anywhere but there. “I was friends with his son,” I said. “We played baseball together.”

Buckley either missed the past tense or didn’t care. “That’s right, I heard you were an athlete. Have you seen the firm gym?” He leaned towards me, conspiratorially. “You’re not a golfer, are you?”

I’d never stepped on a golf course except to steal balls out of the ponds as a kid, but Buckley didn’t give me a chance to answer. He uttered a few more stilted questions and wandered off, his gaze lingering on Cameron’s legs.

“Douche bag,” Manesh said. “I bet he has a ceiling mirror.”

“He does,” Cameron said, and then laughed over the music as Manesh’s indigo skin purpled.

My gaze returned to the visitor in the brown coat. He had turned his head, and I saw that the scar was much longer than I realized. It ran from the side of his neck in a curve across his throat, right over his pointy Adam’s apple, as if someone had tried to slit his throat and he had survived. It made him look like a living ghoul.

I watched him open a cell phone with impatient flair, press a finger into it, then snap it shut. I scanned the room and saw Dr. Carter pulling out his own phone. Dr. Carter frowned and walked over to the man. They talked briefly, and the man in the brown suit reached into his jacket, took out an envelope, and handed it to Dr. Carter. They exchanged a few more words, and the man left. It must have been a client after all, paying his bill in person.

Except who pays their shrink at eight p.m., in the middle of a social function?

Someone who was comfortable walking into the middle of some of the biggest power brokers in the South and acting like he owned the place, that’s who.

Cameron disappeared, and Manesh and I separated to look sociable. I forgot the man in the brown suit amid the ensuing swirl of hyper-successful Type A’s and exotic finger foods.

I finished my third gin and tonic and then I loosened, relaxed, felt more myself. I almost forgot the hyphenated last names and social graces I’d never been taught, and did what came naturally. I stood with one leg turned aside, hands loose at my sides, grin wide, and put people at ease. I revealed nothing of my true self and sought nothing and left each mini masked ball on the floating cusp of laughter, merging seamlessly into the next.

-3-

I was the last to leave, and Dr. Carter stopped me in the doorway. We had barely talked that night. Everyone knew we were connected and there was no need to flaunt it.

Vertical pinstripes lengthened his stocky frame.  He was compact, a juggernaut of mental energy and physical presence. His military posture helped compensate for his abbreviated stature, but it was the eyes behind the wire frames that did the most work. Dr. Carter had an intense, fiercely perceptive gaze that arrested people from all walks of life. You looked into his eyes and you felt him right there, eye-level, sucking you in, ready to tell you exactly what needed to be done.

Ever since the conversation with the man in the brown suit, the corners of Dr. Carter’s eyes were pulled tight, bottoms sagging. He reached up to put an arm around my shoulder. “How’s it working out at the firm?”

I dreaded the day I had to tell him I hadn’t been given an offer. “They treat me like royalty, Doc.” I shrugged. “It’s something else, you know? Something else. I owe you everything.”

“I wasn’t the one who got accepted at one of the South’s finest law schools, and worked my tail off once I got there.”

I got into law school because I did well on the logic games portion of the LSAT. It trips most people up, but my childhood claim to fame was that I was the youth Checkers champion of the Southeast, at one time ranked fifth in the whole country, and I was convinced it had given me a huge advantage.

My dad left one thing behind in the trailer besides some clothes, and that was a book on how to win at Checkers. It was the one thing we did together on a regular basis, and the only part of him I wanted to keep. I got a bit obsessed, even though being a Checkers champion where I was from was about as cool as being Muslim or gay.

“I don’t think hard work’s enough at this firm,” I murmured.

He snorted and removed his arm. “They’re not just looking for trust fund kids. They want someone with some elbow grease. Someone who’s not afraid to roll up his sleeves.”

I just nodded. Dr. Carter might be wealthy now, but he was a self-made man. He started out sweeping floors in a carpet mill in North Georgia. I knew where he was coming from, but I didn’t think he understood how far removed from normality, or at least my normality, these Biglaw attorneys were. It wasn’t like in the old days, when partners rose through the ranks based on their prowess in court. Now you had to be somebody.

I wanted to ask him about the man with the scar, but I didn’t. Dr. Carter wasn’t the sort of man you peppered with frivolous questions.

“Thanks again,” I said. “The party was great. And for everything else. As always.”

I reached the end of his sprawling front porch when he called out. “Derek?”

I stopped and made a half-turn. “Yeah?”

“I’m proud of you.”

“Thanks, Doc,” I said after a moment, and then walked off. I was glad I hadn’t fully turned towards him. If I had, he might have seen the sudden lump in my throat.

No one had ever said that to me before.

* * *

I met up with Cameron and Manesh at the Tree House, a little patio bar in a wooded neighborhood in Buckhead. When I arrived they were at a table with two other summers: Lance Thompson, a frat boy from Alabama who’d secured a clerkship with the Eleventh Circuit, and Monica Dawson, a socialite from Destin whose step-dad owned half of North Florida.

I wiped my brow after the two-block walk from my car. It was midnight, but it had to be ninety degrees, the air so thick and still mosquitoes were popping straight into existence.

Lance was a tool, and Monica was one of those bleached blond Southern girls with a fungible personality. I winked at Cameron and headed straight to the inside bar. Before my draft Sweetwater arrived she was beside me, pointing out her empty cocktail glass to the bartender.

“Lance and Monica?” I said. “Are you two that desperate without me?”

“They crashed our table. Manesh’ll run them off before we get back. When Lance was telling us how he got the 11th Circuit gig, Manesh put his head on the table and started snoring.”

I laughed, and she said, “Before we left Dr. Carter’s he also told Bill Levarski, the real estate partner, about his online poker addiction and that he still plays World of Warcraft.  I quote: “I can’t bear to give up my gryphon mount.””

“That’s not good.”

“He’s had just a few.” She put a hand on my shoulder and bent with laughter.

“I wonder if a summer’s ever been fired before?”

“Can we even get fired? We don’t do anything.” Her Cosmopolitan arrived and she stirred it. A sly grin crept onto her face. “I have a confession.”

“You and Manesh have a thing going?”

“Would you be jealous?”

“I was taught how to share.”

She slipped me a coy glance that fell somewhere in that limbo between friends and lovers, then pulled a folded piece of paper from her purse. “Don’t be mad. I know he’s your mentor and all, but I have a curious streak when I’m in new houses. I like to see what secrets people keep.”

“Cam–”

“It’s just a piece of paper. There were a couple of copies on his desk in the

upstairs office. The bathroom’s right beside it.”

“There’re two bathrooms downstairs,” I said. “And this doesn’t look like something he would’ve left lying around.”

“Well, he did.” Her lips curled, and she said, “Maybe you don’t know the venerable Dr. Carter as well as you think you do.”

She unfolded the copy and put it on the bar. The line on the top read Identified Phenomena. Beneath the heading was a list of thirty-five one-line entries, running over to the back of the page. All but four of the numbers were crossed out. Some were circled. Three were circled and starred.

“Check some of these out,” she said, a secret excitement filling her voice. Cameron could make yogurt seem exciting, which was why she was going to make a great litigator.

The first two entries were Bonaventure Cemetery and Dogwood Mental Institution. There were more cemeteries on the list, two civil war battlegrounds, a few addresses, a hospital, some names of people with the word medium written next to them.

“You shouldn’t have taken that,” I muttered.

“Cemeteries, mediums, haunted houses? What do you think this is?”

“He’s a psychologist. He’s probably doing a study.”

“On what? Evil spirits?”

“I don’t know, Cam. Leave it.”

A month after Jay’s accident Dr. Carter and I had finished a bottle of Scotch, and he started talking about visiting every medium in the United States until he heard from his son. I thought it was the alcohol speaking and it never came up again.

Maybe he’d been more serious than I thought.

She said, “Why do you think some of these are circled and starred? Are they the real deal? Come on, you know you’re curious.”

“He’s like a father to me. I can’t pry into his affairs. And no, I’m not curious.”

She folded the paper and eased it back into her purse, eyes dancing.

-4-

Three days later, on a languorous Saturday night, Cameron’s curiosity got the better of me.

The day started well. Atlanta was new to me, even though I’d grown up on the northern outskirts, plopped by a cruel God in the middle of those miles and miles of deadening lower-class communities that sprawl north of Atlanta. We weren’t city, we weren’t country, we weren’t suburb, we were from Nowhere, blobs of useless matter stuck in a grey and brown purgatory of traffic lights and forgotten strip malls. It was the white ghetto, without a few hundred years of slavery to blame.

We idled around abandoned stores, performing ceaseless acts of vandalism and tweaking Honda Civics until they were faster than Lamborghinis. Starting in fifth grade we drank Colt and Keystone and smoked two packs a day. In middle school we sniffed glue and paint thinner and started on dope, then learned how to cut up ecstasy tablets and our mother’s anti-depression pills and mix them with cold medicine. The worst of us, those with no hope at all, turned to crank. Then they stole things and withered and died.

My Atlanta experiences had been limited to occasional midnight runs as a teenager. Those were risky endeavors. The hoodlums and gang members that hung around the fringes of the club scene always recognized us for who we were. One of my friends was stabbed behind the Havana Club, another was shot near Five Points after he hit on the wrong girl. All of us had scars and bad memories.

So I was exploring this old neighbor of mine for the first time. Atlanta is a prodigious child of a city, thrust into an ungainly adulthood because of her precocious size, trying too hard to get where she wants to go. I liked the mix of tradition and ambition, the eclectic tree-filled neighborhoods, the gleaming glass buildings and sleek restaurants sharing block space with corner shops and soul kitchens.

It was June fourteenth, hot and muggy as a Louisiana swamp. I was renting a room in a Craftsman bungalow on Moreland, and after walking four blocks I was sweating like an ice-cold can of Coca Cola. North Georgia is America’s Vietnam. Trees fill every empty space, kudzu claims every crack, roadside, and abandoned lot. Insects hum and churn, the humid air seeps in and fills the city like a hot air balloon.

Tonight was what the firm called a “dive night”: they were taking us to Cabbagetown, a gentrified neighborhood wedged between the sketchy pillars of Memorial Drive and Old Fourth Ward. It was supposed to be edgy, so we would be tricked into thinking life at the firm had some connection to reality.

We grubbed at Agave, an upscale Southwestern restaurant that was about as edgy as Starbucks. The firm rented out half the restaurant and we did our usual damage to the liquor stock and the nerves of the staff. I recognized one of the cooks; he used to run the grill at a sports bar in Kennesaw. He didn’t notice me and I didn’t say anything. We were supposed to recognize the owners, not the hourly workers.

After dinner we spilled into an Irish pub down the street. I ended up at a cocktail table with Jessica Marin, a fourth-year associate with a pug face and a body that was thin in that rich housewife way. She was trying to discuss tax law with me. Cameron saw and saved me.

“Jessica, hi, I’ve heard you’re the tax guru. I’m thinking of taking another tax course my third year. Which one do you suggest?””

I almost snorted rum through my nose. Cameron would rather be stuck in orbit with an accountant than talk tax law at a cocktail party.

Jessica cocked a half-grin and smoothed her chiffon blouse. “Tax for corporations would be your best bet.”

“Mm. What do you think of the flat tax proposals making the rounds?”

“What I think is that a flat tax is terrible for tax attorneys.”

Cameron opened her mouth for the next question, but Jessica stood and cut her off. “Excuse me, my Blackberry just buzzed.” She let her eyes linger on mine. “Derek.”

She walked away, and I winked at Cameron. “Thanks.”

“Growing up in country clubs and boarding schools was like boot camp for vicious social skills. Besides, I need to show you something.”

I gave her body a mock overt glance. “Here?”

She moved closer and slid her hand up the side of her leg, taking her skirt with it. The way she was positioned by the bar, no one could see it but me. I stopped her hand when I saw the fringe of a red thong, and she laughed and let go. Cameron always took the game one step too far.

Cameron glanced at her watch, then rolled her eyes in boredom. “Come with,” she said, then led me to a corner with more light. She pulled a piece of paper out of her purse and unfolded it. It was the list she’d swiped from Dr. Carter’s house.

“I told you to get rid of that,” I said.

“Don’t be a prude. Look.” She ran her finger down the page, stopping near the middle, at one of the few names without a line through it.

I looked up. “Oakland Cemetery. It’s across the street.”

“Exactly.”

“So?”

“So let’s check it out,” she said.

“Are you joking? We’re at a firm function.”

“We’ll go when it’s over.”

“Why would I want to go to a cemetery in the middle of the night? We’re adults, Cam. Budding attorneys.”

Mischievous blue eyes and a sly grin cut through the music and the crowd. Her hand found my knee and she said, “There’re lots of things to do in a cemetery.”

       * * *

And so at two in the morning I found myself in my sport coat and fitted black shirt, buzzed and chittering like a teenager, sneaking into one of the South’s largest cemeteries with Cameron.

The cemetery wall across from Agave was too high to scale, but a block down it lowered to chest height. Cameron kicked off her heels, set them on the wall, and clambered over. Right before I followed suit, Manesh called my name. I turned and saw him stumbling across the street, his martini glass sloshing with every step.

“Wait up,” he said. “Don’t leave me with the troglodytes. What’re you doing, anyway?”

I swore under my breath. He was hammered, but even sober he didn’t have the good sense to leave a guy alone with a girl. Or sneak into a cemetery quietly.

“Hurry up,” Cameron said, from the other side.

I held Manesh’s drink while he flailed over the wall like an out of control marionette. I hopped the wall next, landing beside the stump of a dead oak that looked like a petrified octopus. We were standing in a grassy plain filled with two-foot-high tombstones, extending as far as the weak ambient light allowed. An obelisk read “Our Confederate Dead,” and the rows and rows of headstones did look like a sad little army, standing at attention to the bitter end.

If Cameron was annoyed at Manesh for crashing the party, she didn’t show it. Instead she smirked and told him she had a cemetery fetish, then led us uphill along a brick pathway that curved into the center of the cemetery. Gnarled oaks and magnolias hovered as we walked. The graves got fancier the higher we went, and the apex of the hill was a jumble of impressive crypts and sarcophagi.

Cameron was looking at the list as she walked. “Next to Oakland Cemetery it says grave of Eliza Northcut, sporadic manifestation, electrical phenomena, ideoplasm. What was that academic study of Dr. Carter’s you mentioned, Derek? The psychology of reappearing spirits?”

“It’s probably not even his,” I said, having lost all interest in the adventure. “I’m sure it’s one of his delusional patient’s lists.”

“This is his stationery.”

Manesh wasn’t paying attention, and had been mumbling to himself since we’d entered the cemetery. I’d underestimated his level of intoxication.

I shrugged out of my coat and slung it over my back. “What’s got you so worked up?”

“Ass-kissers,” he said. “Sheep-strokers. I was talking with a partner and two ass-ociates, and the partner, I can’t remember his name, Imaprick something or other, so boring he could put a crack fiend to sleep, was talking about this case he had that was very unique. I said that’s impossible, something can’t be very unique, just unique. The ass-ociates looked at me like I’d just dipped my balls in their morning coffee.”

“You don’t question the gods,” I said. “You bend over and take it.”

“If they’re smart enough to be partner they’re smart enough to use proper English.”

“You’re missing the point,” I said. “It doesn’t matter who’s right.”

One of his skinny legs darted out and kicked a tombstone. He lost his balance, and most of his remaining drink splashed on the rolled up sleeves of his Oxford. “Shit! Now I’ve-” he downed the rest of the Martini. “I don’t want this stupid job anyway.”

Manesh had told me one night that he had a family castle in Gujarat to fall back on. I had my doubts, but how should I know? I’d never been to India. Hell, I’d never been to Canada. And he really was cavalier with his future, which I could only associate with money.

Cameron shushed us. “Quiet, boys. We don’t want to get kicked out.”

Manesh wriggled his hands over his head. “Who’s gonna kick us out? We’re in a cemetery in the ghetto.”

“Cabbagetown isn’t exactly the ghetto,” I said.

“How would you know? You’re whiter than Santa Claus.”

“Because I’m not that kind of white.”

Cameron was walking grave to grave, peering at each headstone. She stopped in front of a stone statue of a little girl. The girl’s head, left hand, and right foot were missing. I couldn’t get rid of the notion that someone had snapped off the poor thing’s body parts on purpose, and it creeped me out. A young Lavinia locked forever in her agony.

“I’m done,” I said. “We snuck in, it was exciting, I don’t see any ghosts. Let’s go have a nightcap.”

Cameron looked down at her watch again and sighed. “Yeah, okay. I don’t feel like looking all night.”

When we topped the hill on the way back, I stopped and put my arms out wide, holding them back. There was a beam of light moving towards us, bobbing up and down on the path.

We hurried behind the closest tomb, a van-sized sarcophagus. The headline of tomorrow’s AJC was already running through my mind: “Prestigious Law Firm Embarrassed After Intoxicated Summer Associates Caught Sneaking Into Oakland Cemetery.”

I had my back to the tombstone and could see the tips of Atlanta’s skyscrapers glowing in the distance. Cameron was right beside me, Manesh next to her. I held my breath as the light bobbed closer. We heard footsteps, then voices. Manesh turned his head to peek around the headstone. I saw Cameron reach into her purse, take out four small white pills, and pop them.

When Manesh turned back to us, his eyes were wide. “It’s Dr. Carter,” he whispered.

I paled in the darkness and pressed my finger furiously to my lips, trying to shut Manesh up.

“He’s with three other people. One of them is that guy from the party, and he’s still wearing that stupid brown suit. There’s an older woman with them, and Dolph Lundgren’s twin brother. They’re about fifty feet away. They stopped off the path, next to that Gothic chapel with the two giant urns. They’ve got some kind of equipment with them. A fancy metal box with wires coming out of it.”

I squeezed my eyes shut. This wasn’t happening.

“The other guy is setting the box by the entrance – can you believe this? – and attaching the wires to that old bag’s flabby arms. Dr. Carter has some kind of walkie-talkie in his hands. You didn’t tell me your mentor was a freak.”

I put my hand on his wrist and my mouth next to his ear. “Manesh, I swear to God, if they hear you, I will never forgive you.”

“Don’t be such a pussy. They can’t hear us.”

“Sound carries.”

He shut up, but kept watching. I didn’t care what they were doing, I just wanted to get out of there before Dr. Carter caught me spying on him in a graveyard. Go home, take a shot of Jager, and forget this ever happened.

Cameron gripped my arm. “Do you feel something cold?”

“Quiet. Or I’m gonna kill you both.”

“I’m serious,” she said. “It’s like a cold pocket of air just settled around us.”

I felt nothing, but I heard the voices pick up again. I clamped my hand over Cameron’s mouth.

The voices would murmur for a time, then quiet, then pick up again. What was Dr. Carter into? And who were those people with him?

My curiosity fell far short of my mortification. I took deep breaths of the loamy cemetery air to try to calm down.

Cameron turned her head towards Manesh, who was still watching. “What’s going on?”

“Nothing. They’re just staring at that box.”

Cameron leaned over him. I tried to hold her back, but she shrugged me off. When she put her hand up I noticed her watch, remembered her checking it at the bar, and put two and two together. Damn her.

Cameron put her hands to Manesh’s shoulders, and I saw him staring at her chest. Cameron was oblivious. She inched forward, put one hand on the side of the tombstone, and peered around.

Then she gasped.

The voices stopped. They’d heard her.

I almost stood and sprinted into the darkness. There was no way they’d catch me, that wasn’t in question. But I was afraid they’d hit me with a flashlight, and I would melt from the shock and disappointment in Dr. Carter’s voice.

“Who’s there?”

It was his voice.

Manesh and Cameron hunched in next to me. The flashlight waved over our heads, and Dr. Carter called out again. Then another voice, one I didn’t recognize, but which was too old to be Dolph. It had to be the man in the brown suit. His voice was aggressive, like a bark.

I heard rustling, and I clutched Manesh. “Run away right now. They’ll think it’s just you. Find an exit. We’ll meet you at the car as soon as they leave. Please, man. I’m begging you.”

He either heard something in my voice, or he just wanted to take a risk. Whatever the reason, he earned my undying respect and friendship with what he did next.

He looked straight at me, smiled, then pulled his shirt over his head and sprinted into the bowels of the cemetery, screaming like a crazed Hun.

The flashlight wobbled as it tried to follow him, but no one gave chase. The barking voice called out, “Just some idiot kid.”

Cameron pressed her head into my chest and didn’t breathe another word. Fifteen minutes later I heard them walk away.

* * *

Manesh was standing next to Cameron’s Mercedes, grinning like it was his twenty-first birthday. My body collapsed with relief as we crammed into the car and Cameron sped away. I was flush with adrenaline.

I turned to Cameron, too relieved to be angry. “How’d you know?”

“I checked his calendar,” she said, unashamed and uninterested. Then, more quietly, “I saw something.”

I looked over to see if she was joking. She wasn’t.

“Say what?” I said.

“There was a soft yellow light coming from the grave they were standing around, like a rising fog. It rose and dissipated. I mean it didn’t have a human shape or anything. But it was there. I saw it.”

Manesh scoffed. “I didn’t see anything. And I was looking at it the whole time.”

“I don’t know what to tell you. I saw what I saw. Derek?”

“I didn’t see anything,” I said, and she pressed her lips together.

I remembered the pills I saw her pop. I was surprised she didn’t see more than a ball of weird light. I stayed away from that junk, even the mild stuff. I took my last pharmaceutical concoction the same night a friend died from one in the ninth grade.

We cracked a bottle of cheap wine at my place to release the rest of the tension. Manesh passed out on the couch, and Cameron slipped out of her clothes and onto my futon. She closed her eyes, and I covered her with a sheet.

-5-

The next Friday night Cameron and I slept together for the first time. It happened after a particularly long night of carousing, The Darkhorse and then Fontaine’s and then the patio at Smith’s. Manesh was playing pool inside with some of the other summers, Cameron was sitting on my lap. Halfway through some obscure Pixies song she took my face in her hands and kissed me. She told me to meet her at her place in half an hour, and forty minutes later I was undressing Cameron in her plush midtown condo.

She was good. Really good. When we finished, she reached for a pack of Camels. I took one as well, and it helped relieve the awkwardness. Cameron and I both knew, without it being said, that we had a mutual physical attraction and not much more. I didn’t know why not. It was just one of those things.

We drifted to Morcheeba’s Big Calm and ashed in a fancy silver ashtray she put between us on the bed. Her place was classy, full of candles and vintage furniture and soft blue frilly things. One thing, though: I didn’t see a picture anywhere. No friends, no family, not even one of herself. I’d never been in a woman’s bedroom that didn’t have a single photo.

We smoked half the pack, polished off a bottle of wine, had sex again, and passed out.

* * *

I stood on her balcony the next morning, another cigarette in my hands. I only smoked on occasion, but when I did, I did.

Seen from above, Atlanta looks like a deranged architect plopped a few skyscrapers in the middle of an enormous emerald forest. I could see the gleaming giant that housed the firm poking into the sky above the dated jumble of downtown.

Cameron joined me a few minutes later, gliding onto the balcony in silk pajamas. “Hey handsome.”

“You’re sweet, but narrow-shouldered men with scars can only get so far.”

She draped an arm over my biceps. “These make up for it. As for this,” she gave me a playful kiss on my scar, “I’d never notice it if you’d stop leaving your hand on your chin all the time. How’d you get it?”

“Fell down the stairs when I was four,” I said, leaving out the fact that there were no adults around, never were, and that my seven year old brother had to carry me on his back to a corner store to find a phone with service that hadn’t been shut off.

“Nice view,” I said.

“It’s not Manhattan, but that city’s full of trouble.”

I looked her in the eye. “I saw you pop some trouble in the cemetery.”

“God, Derek, it was just a couple of soccer mom pills.” She came beside me and threaded an arm through mine. “You’re not exactly a choir boy.”

I turned back to the view. “It’s not about that.”

“I can handle it.”

“Of course you can,” I said.

“Fine. Point made. Thanks for caring.”

I had the feeling the bitterness in her voice wasn’t for showing I cared, but for someone in her past who hadn’t.

I pushed off the balcony. “I need to run. I’ve got a few things to take care of today.”

“See you around.”

I pulled her in and smiled. “I had a good time last night.”

She smiled back, everything okay. “Me too.”

* * *

Dr. Carter had invited me to lunch. We walked to an upscale burger place – it had white tablecloths and fancy gourmet burgers that cost eighteen dollars – down the street from his house. We talked about the firm and what I was working on. I didn’t tell him that being a summer associate was like being paid to barhop. I also didn’t tell him that I’d done absolutely nothing, as far as I was aware, to impress anyone enough to get an offer.

It was a gorgeous day, uncommonly arid, and we returned to his house for coffee on the screened-in back porch. I sat in a wicker chair and gazed at the woods behind the house while Dr. Carter brewed coffee. There was a hammock to my left, and a half-open book lay in the center, spine up. Jung, Modern Parapsychology, and the Science of the Occult.

“A little pleasure reading,” Dr. Carter said, and I started. He’d returned with the coffee. It shouldn’t have been a big deal, my looking at the book. We were tight like that and he had left the book out. But I thought I saw a hint of embarrassment in his eyes as he handed me my coffee.

“Part of your research?” I asked, because I didn’t know what else to say.

He sat beside me, took a long sip of his coffee. “To answer your question, yes, I am conducting research on certain aspects of parapsychology.”

“I’ve heard that word before, but I confess I don’t really know what it means.”

“Para is Greek for “beyond.” Psychology is the study of the mind. Parapsychology is the scientific study of those things considered to be beyond the rational mind as we know it.”

It was my turn to take a sip, an even longer one.

“To any serious parapsychologist it’s simply the application of scientific principles to certain poorly understood faculties of the human mind.”

“Such as ESP?” I asked.

“ESP, telekinesis, psychokinesis, psychometry, clairvoyance, near-death experiences, telepathy, xenoglossy, cryptomnesia, automatic writing, astral projection, to name a few.” He smiled. “The list is long.”

“I see.” I couldn’t keep the incredulity from my voice. I supposed all psychologists made a certain leap of faith, but those leaps involved demonstrated aberrant behavior and decades of accepted research. Dr. Carter was a very serious man. I couldn’t believe he had just told me he was studying ghosts, psychic powers, and whatever those other words meant.

He gave me a patient smile. “You might be surprised by what some of the studies have revealed. It’s an intriguing area.”

“I’m sure it is. It just . . . took me by surprise, I guess. How long have you been researching this?”

As soon as I asked the question and saw his eyes look away, I wanted to kick myself. Idiot.

He’d been studying it since the day his son died.

We sat for a moment in silence. The breeze picked up; it was the best day of the summer. “I don’t like to keep things from you, Derek. After the accident I went through a period of irrationality. I delved into certain things, certain fringe areas of society. I was looking for something, you understand, and I’m sure you know what. Most of what I found was utter nonsense. But suffice to say that during this darkest of times, which you helped me get through, I became a believer that there are . . . let us call them mental faculties . . . not yet understood by science.” He smiled the sort of smile used to relieve tension. “Since then I have, in my spare time, sought to help explain them.”

I was probably supposed to ask what type of mental powers he was talking about, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I was still a bit stunned.

“The older we get, Derek, the more mortality looks us in the face and grins. The more questions we have. And when something happens like what happened to my son–” his voice quivered ever so slightly, and his stalwart face worked overtime to reassert composure, “the questions can become overwhelming.”

I reached out and put my hand on top of his. His fingers reached up to squeeze mine.

He said, “One day we’ll sit down and discuss it in depth, if you like. This is a government project, so I can’t reveal the details yet.”

Except for the paranormal angle, that wasn’t unusual; Dr. Carter had worked with both government and law enforcement before, on sensitive cases, and given me the same spiel. I nodded and said, “I thought that man at the party looked like a fed.”

“What man?”

“The one in the library. He stopped by briefly and left.”

An uncomfortable look, something between nervousness and fear, twitched the corners of Dr. Carter’s eyes. He waved off my comment. “Yes, that’s my contact. He sometimes makes a surprise appearance.” He stood. “I could use a refill. You?”

“Sure.”

“And when I come back,” he said, his back to me, “we’ll stop discussing the life of a foolish old man. I’m dying to hear about the exploits of a certain bright young star at Toureau Dagmon.”

He retreated into the house. I cradled my empty cup in my hands, staring at it without really seeing it.

The Present

Southwest Atlanta, Jan. 19, 9 p.m.

He grinds his cigarette into the cheap carpet. “Remind me why I give a damn about your relationship with Dr. Carter?”

I understand his impatience, even though I’d only related the most salient parts. “You asked for the background. I’m giving it to you.”

He starts to pace again. He lights another cigarette and his jaw grinds back and forth. I wonder at the thoughts running through his mind. I can only imagine what he is thinking, seeing me here like this, in this land of the dead.

My head swivels to the window. I take in the view, the misshapen line of ruined row houses squatting in the darkness, the absence of ambient light, the cracked pavement, the broken bottles and weeds and discarded fast food containers that will be the relics of this civilization.

I turn back to him. Soon, I think. Soon he won’t be able to turn away. He’ll be right where I was, eyes wide with disbelief as the story unfolds like a demented lotus blossom.

But he has to know why certain choices were made. Not just that: I want him to know.

I need him to.

… Continued…

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The Queen of Sparta

by T. S. Chaudhry

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Text-to-Speech and Lending: Enabled
Here’s the set-up:

Xerxes, the Great King of Persia invades Greece in 480 B.C. at the head of a massive army. Three hundred Spartans and King Leonidas die heroically blocking the Persian advance at the pass of Thermopylae. The Persians are poised to conquer all of Greece. The only one standing in their way is a woman – Gorgo, Queen of Sparta.

Though history has relegated her role to that of a bystander, The Queen of Sparta puts her in the forefront. What if she played a central role in the Greek resistance to the Persian invasion? What if she kept her true role a secret in order to play it more effectively? What if she was hiding other secrets too – dark secrets of murder and vengeance? What if the only person who truly appreciated her genius was an enemy prisoner whom she has vowed to kill? What if after their victory, the Greeks start to turn on each other?

What if, eventually, Gorgo has to choose between the security of Sparta and the safety of her son? And what if the only one who could find a way out is the same prisoner who had once fought against the Spartans?

an excerpt from

The Queen of Sparta

by T. S. Chaudhry

 

Copyright © 2014 by T. S. Chaudhry and published here with his permission

  “My task is to relate the stories that have been told; I do not necessarily have to believe in them.”    

                     – Herodotus (‘the Father of History’)

                     PROLOGUE – THE MANUSCRIPT

Aornos, Swat Valley

Lands of the Indus

Summer, 327 BC

The forbidding stronghold, perched high on a peak, blazed against the cloudy night sky like a beacon. Down below, the old woman stood before her enemy, clasped in chains. Her gown was torn and tattered, her braided grey hair drenched in blood, her ferocious stare fixed on the man who had slaughtered her people and taken her land.

Alexander of Macedon had crossed over the high mountain range seeking the land the Persians called Puraparaseanna, ‘beyond the mountains,’ and what others described as the fabled lands of the Indus. He had thought that crossing into ‘India’ would be relatively easy, and indeed it had been, until he entered this valley. Here, everything had gone wrong. Alexander’s men, who had won great victories for hundreds of miles across Asia, were now facing adversaries they could not easily conquer. This new enemy could appear out of nowhere to strike hard and fast, and then disappear without a trace.

There was something peculiar about this enemy. Unlike most Asiatic foes Alexander’s force had faced before, these warriors fought with skill and discipline. A mere hundred of the enemy could hold off tens of thousands of Alexander’s men in narrow defiles, on bridges over fast-flowing rivers, and in the thick pine forests. And their horsemen were the most proficient Alexander had seen, carrying out remarkable manoeuvres in mountainous terrain, so unsuited for cavalry. These were no highland brigands, no mere hill-tribesmen – but fierce warriors equal to, or perhaps better than, Alexander’s conquering troops.

And then there was the valley. Its lush green hills awash with pine, oak, ash and cypress trees, dwarfed by magnificent snow-capped mountains; the varying shades of green flora contrasting with the grey-blue of the rivers flowing below. The effect was mesmerizing. Alexander’s men called it Paradeisos – ‘Paradise on earth’.

But the Macedonian conqueror had turned this paradise into hell. Where Alexander could not win by force, he resorted to guile, deceit and treachery. He made truces only to break them, attacking his enemies in their homesteads and settlements without mercy; destroying everything in his path. A quest for conquest had turned into a war of extermination. The resistance became only fiercer and the struggles more terrible. Still, one by one they fell, the fortified towns of Massaga, Ora and Barzius – and relentless slaughter followed. This last stronghold, rocky Aornos, had been the worst. It would have certainly been a defeat for the Macedonian king were it not for a mercenary commander, fighting for the enemy, who had opened the fortress gates for him.

Now, down below, hundreds of prisoners were gathered in front of the Macedonian camp. Wretched prisoners in tattered clothing huddled together by the banks of the fast-flowing Indus as rain began to fall.

Flanked by his commanders and advisors, Alexander was seated in front of these hundreds of prisoners on a field-chair. For all his fame, there was something was odd about the Macedonian conqueror. Short of height and slight of built, with golden curly hair, his face was smooth and soft; almost feminine. One of his eyes was blue and the other brown – which many regarded as a sign that he was touched by the gods, or was indeed a god himself.

Alexander gazed at the old woman who had led the resistance against him. In spite of her injuries, the woman stood erect, defiance blazing in her eyes. Though the hue of her skin was dark, her facial features were unmistakably European. The Macedonian King recalled the first time he had seen her, several weeks earlier, outside the walls of Massaga. When he sent out an emissary ordering her troops to lay down their arms, she had shouted back in Greek: Molon Labe – ‘come and get them.’

“Name?” he asked, in a rather harsh, almost squeaky, voice.

“Cleophis,” she replied, unflinching.

“Your name is Greek. Where are you from?”

She replied in a language Alexander could not understand. He turned to his Asiatic interpreters, who shrugged their shoulders.

    A Corinthian officer came forward and whispered in Alexander’s ear. “‘This is my home. Perhaps you are the one who is lost, Macedonian?’”

    Alexander frowned. “What is she speaking?”

    “A dialect of Doric Greek, Your Majesty,” explained the Corinthian. “I have heard it spoken in Sparta, but only by royalty.”

    “Damned Spartans,” muttered Alexander to himself. Of all the Greeks, they were the only ones who had refused to join his empire-building expedition. “What is a Spartan woman doing here, by the banks of the Indus?” Alexander asked, motioning the Corinthian to translate.

    “I was born here, not in Sparta,” Cleophis replied, “though the royal blood of Sparta flows strong in my veins.”

    “Ah …” Alexander smiled, “A descendant of Leonidas, no doubt?”

    Cleophis remained silent.

    “Woman, do you know I have destroyed Persia against whom the Three Hundred Spartans made their stand at Thermopylae, a century and a half ago?”

    The old woman scowled. “It was the Greeks who fought the Persians then, not the Macedonians. Your ancestors served the Persians and later betrayed them. Your kind prefers treachery to courage.”

        Alexander flew into a rage. “I am Greek. My fore-fathers came from Argos. My ancestor, Alexander the First, son of Amyntas, helped the Greeks defeat the Persians. It was he and Leonidas of Sparta and Themistocles the Athenian who saved Greece from the Persian yoke. By destroying the Persians’ Empire, I have only finished the work they began.”

        Cleophis, in spite of her iron restraints, moved forward from the crowd of prisoners. “What makes you think any of them saved Greece? You men think you are the centre of the universe, don’t you? No, Macedonian, Greece was not saved by these men. She was saved by a woman.”

        “This hag is mad!” said Alexander to himself. He got up in disgust.

        As he rose to leave, Cleophis railed at him, “Macedonian, you conquer for the sake of conquest. Your lust for power knows no bounds. You can take this land but you will not be able to hold it. Mark my words, your presence here is only ephemeral, but the children of the Sakas will be drinking from the waters of the Indus for thousands of years to come.”

        Alexander surveyed the prisoners. The people of Aornos, in chains and in torn clothes; sobbing women and children among them. All standing in mud, their homes burning in the background. He looked at Cleophis one last time. Her angry expression had grown even fiercer. The Macedonian king turned and calmly gave the order to his troops as he walked to his tent.

        By morning, all were dead.

*****

The next day, Alexander rode with a cavalry escort to the nearby town of Min-angora. Though only mid-afternoon, it seemed like dusk. Dark clouds had descended over the valley, shrouding it in darkness. Violent thunder echoed as drizzle turned to heavy downpour. The shadowy figures of the Macedonian horsemen, faces obscured beneath hooded cloaks, crossed a wooden bridge, and followed a road that ran alongside a fast-flowing river. Ahead was the town. A large wooden palace stood on a gentle hill on the left bank of the river. As the horsemen approached the palace, they saw a small dark figure walking – or rather, hobbling – towards them. He smiled and bowed low.

        Alexander snapped his finger. The only native rider in his Macedonian retinue dismounted his horse and hurried to the King’s side. “Ask him if he is the one I must thank for delivering Aornos to me,” ordered the King.

        But before the native could frame his question, the small man replied in heavily accented Greek. “Indeed, Majesty, it was I who arranged it. I am pleased to have been of service to you.”

        The Macedonian king frowned. He could not understand why so many people, so far from Greece, could speak the language so fluently.

        “My name is Vishnugupta Chanakiya,” the man continued. “But you may call me Kautilya … ‘the Crafty One’. The mercenary commander who betrayed Aornos to you is a compatriot of mine.”

        Kautilya was a small bald man with deformed limbs. He had an unusually large hooked nose, bulging eyes, and his mouth revealed large misshapen, twisted teeth when he smiled. Still, his appearance was not without charisma.

        Alexander nodded to one of his men, who rode out towards Kautilya and offered him a heavy purse. To the Macedonian king’s surprise, Kautilya waved it away, shaking his head.

        “Your Majesty’s presence here is more important to me than gold,” explained Kautilya. “You are the enemy of our enemies and thus our friend. King Ambhi of Taxila awaits your aid against his rival, King Porus of the Puravas, overlord of the Suraseni. And if you defeat Porus, all of India will fall at your feet.”

        Finally, someone had said something that pleased Alexander. He smiled and dismounted his horse.

        “Has King … ah … Omphis … sent you, then? Is he the one you serve?”

        “No, Majesty,” said Kautilya. “I serve no master. I am an exile from a kingdom further to the east. King Ambhi has given me asylum. He allows me to use the university in Taxila for research, in return for my political advice. I have asked him to ally with you.” Kautilya escorted him inside the modest wooden palace. “Rest now, Majesty. We shall talk later tonight.”

        That evening, Alexander dined alone with Kautilya on the spacious terrace on the top floor of the palace. It was a pleasant place overlooking the river, furnished with beautifully carved wooden furniture, luxurious cushions and rich rugs. Jasmine vines hung over the wooden railing emitting the sweetest of fragrances, the rushing sound of the river’s water was almost melodic, and the distant lights of the town danced in the wind.

        Alexander reclined on a comfortable bed-like couch, while Kautiliya squatted, cross-legged, on the carpeted floor in front of him. A low table full of tiny bowls was placed between them. He asked the Indian who were these people who had resisted him so fiercely. “And why are there so many people in this land who speak Greek?”

        Kautilya explained, “Cleophis’ ancestors settled here centuries ago. They once ruled over the lands spanned by the river Indus. But their dominion eventually broke up as they fought both their neighbours and each other. One by one, their petty kingdoms and republics fell to others. You have just destroyed their last remaining state – and thus helped rid us of a major enemy.”

        “And the Greek connections,” the Indian continued, “have been here for a while as well. Ambhi, the ruler of Taxila, also claims to be of Greek descent and even looks it. Taxila, like Min-angora, is virtually a Greek city, populated by Greek-speakers. People of Greek descent have been living here for well over a century. Some are said to be descended from Greek merchants who operated between here and the Asiatic Greek colonies of Aeolia and Ionia. Some say their ancestors were transplanted from the West and resettled here by Persian kings as punishment for rebellion. Others claim descent from Greek mercenaries who fought in civil wars between Persian princes. But then there are those who claim even stronger links with Greece, like Cleophis. Her tribe was called the Ashkayavana – the ‘Horse Greeks’ – who were ruled by people of royal Spartan blood.”

        “Is that so? What was that hag saying about a woman defeating the Persians?”

        Kautilya smiled. “Majesty, I have in my possession a manuscript, written … well, partly written … by a prince from Sakala who traveled to Greece a hundred and fifty or so years ago. He is one of the two authors of the manuscript. I have no doubt that the other is the woman Cleophis spoke of.”

        Alexander asked what language the manuscript was written in.

        “Greek,” replied Kautilya, “for reasons you will understand when you read the text.” He disappeared through the door of the balcony. Moments later he hobbled back, bearing a sheaf of parchments neatly strung together. Kautilya bowed low and handed the thick collection of parchments over to Alexander, across the low table. “I shall look forward to hearing your views on this manuscript, Majesty. But for now, I wish you good night.” Kautilya bowed once more and left the company of the Macedonian king.

        That night, Alexander began to read. Written in Attic Greek, the very dialect Alexander spoke, the manuscript began thus:

        Even after all these years, I can still recall the calm after that cursed battle, as I walked among its dead. I can still taste that iron-tinged stench of blood that hung in the air. I began from the place where the heroes fell, my brother among them, by the entrance of the Great King’s tent. And as I strode towards Leonidas’ Wall, I passed a mound of bodies and shields. These were the last of the three hundred, their corpses riddled with arrows. And thereafter I came to the entrance of the pass. Stacks of hundreds of putrid human carcasses piled up against the Wall where for two bloody days the Spartans had held the line.

         And I climbed the wall again – this time not in the midst of fierce combat with grunting, shouting, shoving bodies all around me – but alone in the midst of a dusky calm. All I could see was a sea of the dead and the dying.  

           It should not have been such a shock for a warrior. But it was.

          Battle, they say, is everything that manhood is about; the very epitome of glory. But what glory, I asked myself, is there in a spear-point sticking out of a jaw or a mangled headless body rotting on the ground?

         And there they all lay before me, the thousands of corpses who were once living beings.

         Thermopylae was but an exercise in futility; no bearing upon anything that mattered.       The Persians were determined yet to the crush the Greeks. And who on earth could stop them?

CHAPTER 1 – IF!

The Agora

Sparta

Autumn, 480 BC

The man was trying to sit very still. He was on horseback, in full armour, facing a throng of mostly unarmed men and women. And yet he was trembling. He seemed too afraid even to dismount his horse.

A man, in front of the crowd, laughed. He was tall, with hair falling well below his shoulder and an equally long moustache-less beard. “This time they sent us a Greek. Why did the Persians send you and not one of their own? Are they afraid we would stuff them down the well again?”

Laughter roared across the marketplace.

The envoy, still shaking, cleared his throat and said, “I bring a message from the Great King Xerxes to the King of Sparta.”

A small voice shouted, “I am he!”

Looking down, the envoy saw a small dark-haired boy of around eight years looking up at him. He waited for someone to laugh at the boy’s impertinence or even shout at him. But none did.

“I am Pleistarchus, son of Leonidas,” said the boy.

The messenger plucked enough courage to say, “Sparta has two kings. I wish to speak with the older one.”

A young woman had stepped forward. She was long-haired and beautiful. Standing behind the boy, she placed her hands on his small shoulders. “He is away,” she said. “You will have to deliver your message to my son.”

“Go on,” said the boy king, his tiny voice carrying authority.

“His Majesty, King Xerxes, says: I have destroyed your army at Thermopylae. My forces have occupied Athens. And your turn will soon come. You are advised to submit without further delay, for if I bring my army into your land, I shall destroy your farms, slaughter your people, and raze your city to the ground.

There was silence.

The boy king turned around and looked up at his mother. Her eyes blazed as she stared into the eyes of the messenger. Herlips curled mischievously as she gave him her response: “If!”

CHAPTER 2 – THE CRIMSON QUEEN

Royal Compound of the Agiadae

Pitana District

Sparta

Spring, 479 BC

Even though the sun had risen, the morning mist still covered the garden. Beautiful flowers and exotic plants were arranged in neat rows all around the edges of a lawn. Delightful aromas mixed with the dewy smell of the early morning grass. In the centre of the lawn was a huge lone oak with a bench underneath. Close to the tree were rows of comfortable benches fashioned out of single pieces of log. On them sat nine men wearing rich tunics and elegantly embroidered robes. Because of the mist they could not take in the full beauty of the garden; nor did they care to.

    “What is taking her so long?” grumbled Cimon, the youngest of the men.

    “I told you it was a mistake coming here,” said Xanthippus.

    “No one else in Sparta is willing to talk to us. We have no choice but to come here,” retorted the elderly Phaenippus.

    “I meant it was a mistake to come here to Sparta,” retorted Xanthippus, mincing his words. “They have no intention of helping us liberate Athens.”

    Cimon, who rarely agreed with Xanthippus, sighed. “We have been sitting around here in Sparta for over a week now and all we have are equivocations and half-promises.”

    “We fought without the Spartans before,” said a rather tall, pudgy companion of theirs, “… and we can fight without them again.”

    “That was eleven years ago, Callias,” said Phaenippus, shaking his head. “You know better than I that the conditions at Marathon worked to our favour, no matter what we said afterwards. But things are different now. Either the Spartans come to our aid or we surrender to Persia. There is no other choice.”

    They did not notice her coming through the mist. Cimon was the first to catch a glimpse of her legs, when she had almost come upon them. She wore sandals, the straps of which ran up her ankles, which was strange because Spartan women rarely wore footwear; nor did their men, unless on campaign. He had hoped to see more of her leg – Spartan women were not called ‘thigh flashers’ for nothing – but her peplos gown reached her ankles.

    As she came closer, more of her was revealed to the men. Her loose-fitting white dress could not hide her lithe, athletic body. Unlike the coarse materials ordinary Spartans wore, hers was of the finest linen. Hung over her shoulder was a long himation shawl. Its colour was crimson; the colour of Sparta. The colour of war.

    As her face emerged from the mist, its beauty mesmerized the men. Her most defining feature was her large hazel-green eyes, made more intense and foreboding by kohl. Her long, dark hair was swept up loosely, some falling over her left shoulder.

    One by one, the Athenians stood up, in awe of her beauty, enthralled by her presence. Only Phaenippus had seen her before. She looked just as beautiful as she had a decade earlier, yet the expression on her face was now one of authority; her appearance exuding power.

    There was a mischievous glint in her eyes as she quietly sat down opposite them on the bench under the oak tree. Normally, a queen waited for her guests to be seated. “But not this time,” she thought to herself. Sparta was the senior partner in this alliance and a queen of Sparta was not bound to stand in ceremony for these representatives of the Athenian rabble.

    “Be seated, gentlemen,” she said. The Queen already knew that in a rare display of unity, Athens’ democratic Assembly had sent representatives from nearly all their major factions. Their leader was Phaenippus. He had once been Epynomous Archon – Athens’ Head of State. She smiled at him politely, acknowledging him by name.

    Next to him was a handsome-faced man in his late thirties with a trimmed beard but a curious shaped head; his dishevelled dark blonde hair all bunched up at the bottom and rising to a point at the top. “Onion head,” she said to herself, suppressing her laughter with some difficulty. “Welcome, Xanthippus son of Ariphron, commander of the Athenian Navy.”

    Xanthippus was a little flustered, perhaps not expecting her to recognize him without an introduction.

    Behind him was a tall heavy-set man with thick lips, a paunchy belly and a pug nose, who was generally quite hairy except on the top of his head. The clothes he wore were made of the most expensive fabrics and his shoes appeared incredibly soft. “Oh yes, that is him; the richest man in Athens,” the Queen said to herself. “How ironic; this ugly man’s name is ‘Callias’.” But she knew that the irony did not stop there. Behind this façade of a man of affluence, accustomed to luxury, was a hardened veteran; a war hero, who, eleven years ago, had led one of the ten tribal regiments at the Athenian victory at Marathon. She knew that it was as much a mistake to underestimate the Athenians as it was to trust them.

    She was about to guess who the person next to Callias was, when the frail Phaenippus spoke. “Queen Gorgo, where is your army? We have been here a week and have not seen the troops we are promised to liberate Athens.”

        “Of course,” she said, “you are aware that military activity is forbidden during the festival of Hyacinthia.”

        “Yes, the Regent Pausanias told us as much,” snorted Xanthippus, while the men behind him murmured in discontent.

        The youngest of the envoys made his way to the front. A little older than Gorgo, he was a handsome man with curly red hair and a clean-shaven face. His scandalous lifestyle was the subject of gossip right across Greece. They spoke of a string of notorious seductions that included, if rumours were to be believed, his own younger half-sister. And yet, he had a saving grace. The son of one of Athens’ greatest heroes, he had recently distinguished himself in battle, against the Persians at Salamis.

        “Is this not the very same excuse Leonidas used to avoid Spartan participation in the battle of Marathon eleven years ago? The festival on that occasion was the Carneia, now it is the Hyacinthia. The Spartans seem a little too fond of their festivals, don’t you think?” said the younger man.

        A burst of sarcastic laughter echoed his barb.

        “My late husband, Leonidas,” said Gorgo with pride, “arrived in Marathon to support your troops as soon as the Carneia was over, just as he had promised.”

        “Yes,” said the man, “but only after the battle was over. Where were the Spartans, Queen Gorgo, on the day my father won the great victory at Marathon?”

        Some of the envoys began to grumble loudly.

    “Cimon, son of Miltiades, tell me how many Athenian warriors were present at the battle of Thermopylae? The Arcadians were there and so were the Phlians. The sons of Corinth fought and died there, as did the Isemenian Band. Those patriots from Thebes fought for us, despite of the treachery of their own government. The Lion Guard of ancient Mycenae fought to the end there. So did the Thespiaeans, and heroically so. Men of high-walled Phocis were present too, as were those of Locris and Malia. Your neighbours, the Megarians were also there. Even the Mantineans tried to redeem their lost honour by showing up. But not a single Athenian fought at Thermopylae. Where were you, oh men of Athens, on the day our Three Hundred Spartans and their allies fell for the cause of Greece?”

    “You know very well, Queen Gorgo, that our fleet was at Artemisium, along with other Greek ships, protecting the naval flank of your land forces. We prevented the Persian fleet from landing troops behind the Spartan lines,” retorted Xanthippus.

    “A fat lot of good that did,” she replied. “For your fleet did not deter the Persians from outflanking the Greek positions and destroying our army at Thermopylae.”

    “But, Queen Gorgo,” retorted Callias angrily in his loud voice, “that is not the point. We have been waiting for your leaders to give us an answer on whether you will support us against the Persians. And today, when we went looking for the Regent, he could not be found, nor could any of your generals. Then we went to the Ephors, and even they refused to speak with us. Instead, they sent us to you. What is going on?”

        “Where are your troops, Majesty?” asked Cimon. “Not a single one can be found in Sparta, and that too in a city supposedly populated by warriors. Don’t you think it strange? I am sure your men would not mind a woman answering for them … for they are not man enough to answer for themselves.” He continued to smile as some of his colleagues shouted in disgust.

        “I owe you no explanation, my Lord,” replied Gorgo calmly.

        “Alright,” said Phaenippus lifting up his hands, silencing his colleagues. “We understand perfectly, Queen Gorgo. We know that we have outlived our welcome here. You Spartans can stay at home and enjoy your festival. Forget your obligations towards your closest allies. We will have no choice but to surrender to Persia. And once we do so, and when their Great King invades your lands, do not blame us if we join his forces against yours. Only then will you realize the consequences of your inaction.”

        “Consequence of our inaction?” she snorted, staring ferociously at the elderly envoy. “Your democracy has only survived under the shade of Spartan spears!”

        Cimon tried to say something, but she cut him off. “Ambassadors of Athens,” she began, in a tone matched only by the blazing of her eyes. “I do not deal with assumptions or presumptions, nor do I make empty threats. The Hyacinthia ended last night. On my recommendation, and in accordance with terms of our alliance, the War Council of Sparta have dispatched an army to liberate Athens. Gentlemen, as we speak, the entire Spartan field army under the command of my cousin, the Regent Pausanias, are already on their way. That is why you could not find even a single warrior in Sparta today … or a general, for that matter.”

        “The entire Spartan field army, Your Majesty? On their way? … to Athens?” Phaenippus blubbered. “This … is … wonderful … news!”

    “I told you, we made the right decision to come here,” said Xanthippus, smiling. Cimon gave him a stare that combined incredulity with anger. The other ambassadors could not contain their joy.

    Gorgo continued, “This morning, I received a message that they are approaching the Isthmus of Corinth, which means they will arrive at Athens by sunset tomorrow. We have five thousand additional troops, our Outlander brigade, waiting outside Sparta to escort you back to your city.”

    “But … why did not anyone inform us?” asked Cimon.

    “After all, we are the Ambassadors of Athens, your allies,” said Phaenippus. “We had a right to be informed the moment you decided to send your troops to aid us.”

    “… And tell the entire world that the Spartans were coming?” she replied.

    Gorgo knew that many powerful men in Athens had taken the Great King’s gold. Nearby Argos was in league with Persia, and she had doubts about the loyalty of Sparta’s Arcadian neighbours. Not all the Greeks opposed the Persian presence. Secrecy had to be maintained to ensure the Spartan force would not be intercepted by Greeks loyal to Persia.

        “Thank you, Queen Gorgo. You are a true friend of Athens. We never doubted your support for a moment,” said Xanthippus.

        “Of course you doubted it,” she said. “Is that not why you came to see me? To accuse the Spartans of cowardice? Of inaction? … Of hiding behind a woman? Lord Cimon, let me tell you why I speak for my menfolk, because it is only we Spartan women who give birth to real men.”

        Cimon turned red, a colour matching his flaming hair. But Phaenippus bowed low. “We apologize, Majesty. Your wisdom has never failed Greece.” Then he raised his head. “Now, if you would excuse us, we need to hurry home.”

        “Not just yet, gentlemen!” Gorgo shouted. “I have not finished.”

        This stopped the Athenians in their tracks.

        “The liberation of Athens does not come without its price.”

        One by one, the nine Athenians turned to face her. “Let me ask you, again, why were there no Athenians at Thermopylae?”

        There was silence.

        “Then let me give you the answer, gentlemen,” she said. “Did not the democratic Assembly and Council of Athens, under the influence of your great leader, Themistocles, take a decision to disband your army and effectively transform it into a navy? Lord Cimon, did you not march off to the armoury at the Temple of Athena Parthenos on the Acropolis, and exchange your cavalryman’s bridle for a marine’s shield? As soon as you heard about the Persian victory at Thermopylae, did not your fleet rush back to Athens to evacuate your civilian population to nearby islands? You did not fight on land at Thermopylae because you had made up your minds to resist the Persians by sea.”

        Phaenippus retorted, “But the Oracle of Delphi had told us to place our trust only in the wooden walls that Zeus had given us. Those wooden walls were, after all, our warships.”

        “No,” Gorgo corrected him. “It was because you had no faith in in our strategy – my strategy – to stop the Persians on land. You wanted to confront them at sea. We went along with you against our better judgement. Yes, together we won the great battle of Salamis. But that victory did not get rid of the Persians. They are still in Greece. And once again they have occupied your city, and once again their soldiers gaze across the Straits of Salamis. So we are exactly back to where we were some six months ago.”

        She paused to see if the Athenians would react. None did. So she continued, “For Sparta’s help in liberating Athens, I ask a two-fold price.

        “The first is that you reconvert a large part of your fleet back into the army so that we can now confront the Persians together on land. We have tried your strategy and it has not worked; now, you must try mine.”

        Phaenippus first looked at Xanthippus, the naval commander, who nodded after some hesitation. Then he looked around to see if there were any objections. There were none. “Done,” he said in a loud decisive voice, “And what, your Majesty, is your second condition?”

        “That the General who would command these new land forces of Athens,” she said, “be a man of my choice.”

        The Athenians were in uproar. “We are a sovereign democracy, Madam,” said an indignant Phaenippus. “We elect our own leaders. We do not take instructions from a foreign monarch, much less a woman, on who to appoint as our War Archon.”

        “Under the circumstances, gentlemen,” she said, curling her lips, “you have little choice.”

        “But the Generals are always elected by the people of Athens,” insisted Xanthippus, “not selected by us, or anyone else for that matter.”

        “And who are the people of Athens, pray tell me Lord Xanthippus?” Gorgo asked, “if not you?”

        Smiling, she walked towards the Athenians. “I know how this democracy of yours works. All of you present here represent the different factions of the Athenian democracy. If a man wants to be elected in Athens, he needs the support of the majority of your parties. It is thus you, gentlemen, who control the Council and Assembly of Athens, and no War Archon can be elected without your collective consent.”

        “So who is this man you would want to lead our armies?” sighed Callias.

        “We will not accept that lout, Themistocles,” muttered another Ambassador under his breath, but loud enough for Gorgo to hear.

        “Oh, how fickle is this great Democracy of yours,” she said. “The flesh of the dead Persians that lie at the bottom of the Straits have not even been stripped by fish of their bones that you have become so eager to cast aside that genius who won you your greatest victory? No, gentlemen. It is not Themistocles that I have in mind.”

        Cimon breathed a sigh of relief, as did Phaenippus. Themistocles was no longer powerful in Athens; the very democracy that had once brought him to power was now chasing him away.

        Gorgo spoke the name of the man she wanted to command the land forces of Athens. At first, many of those assembled looked a little surprised.

    Callias was the first to smile. Xanthippus and Cimon looked at each other for a moment and then nodded simultaneously. Phaenippus again scanned the faces of his colleagues to detect any dissent. And finding none, he concluded, “so be it.”

        The Athenians hurriedly filed out of the garden, leaving Gorgo alone to reflect on the moves to come. The Spartan army was seizing the initiative. The Athenians were on board now. Soon others would be as well. In her head, she was playing out every move.

        The Queen did not notice her chambermaid, Agathe, approach.

        “Is everything alright, Your Majesty?” the girl asked.

        Still lost in thought, Gorgo gently touched Agathe’s shoulder as she passed. “I think we may yet humble a mighty Empire.”

CHAPTER 3 – THE HEIGHTS OF CITHAERON

The Plataean plain

Boeotia, Greece

Three months later

Dust rose as the rider galloped hard up the hill, his face covered by a visor that resembled a dark skull. The colour of the horsehair plume on the top of his helmet matched that of his light blue cloak. A long-sword hung over the back of his right shoulder.

        A thundering sound was following close behind. He looked back and saw them at a distance. A long river of horsemen with their lances upheld, the reflection of their weaponry gleaming beneath the hot sun. These were fresh reinforcements he was bringing to the battlefield – warriors, like him, of Scythian blood – who had come to Greece to fight for Persia.

        On reaching its crest, he found his destination ahead. The Persian camp spread out on the reverse slope along the banks of the River Asopus. He took off his helmet and wiped the sweat from his brow, opened his flask of water and poured it down over his head.

        As he approached the camp, two riders appeared. They wore artificially curled beards and tall crown-like head-dresses. Fine silk gowns covered their glistening armour. These were officers of the Persian army, and they motioned him to stop. They pointed across the vast plain to the high ridges in the distance. “All cavalry units have been ordered to attack the Greek positions on the Heights of Cithaeron. Hurry!”

        The rider turned to look at his exhausted men and after some hesitance ordered them forward. As he led his men past the Persian camp, he could not help but wonder at its array of brightly coloured tents, the whole camp giving the impression of a peacock’s beautiful splayed wings. In the middle of this long camp, the Persians had erected a wooden stockade – protecting within it the largest and most magnificent tents, made of silk and other fine materials, more colourful and elegant than the rest.

They crossed the Asopos at a nearby ford and galloped across a vast undulating plain. It was randomly pocked by large rocks and the scene presented a pleasant combination of green, yellow and grey. After a long ride, they reached a stream on the side of the plain. The rider ordered his men to dismount and rest, and the horses to be watered, while he rode up ahead towards the Heights of Cithaeron to attain a better view.

          As he did so, he heard the thundering of thousands of hooves shaking the slopes. He looked up through the clouds of dust and saw the Persian cavalry charging up the hill in great waves. The majority were horse archers, armed with powerful bows but little by way of armour. Instead of helmets, they wore felt caps and turbans. The rest of the horsemen were lancers, wearing bronze helmets with cheek-guards and jackets lined with overlapping rows of metal strips – not unlike the scales of a fish. While the horse-archers covered their advance by a volley of endless arrows, the lancers pressed forward up the slopes of Cithaeron to punch a hole in the Greek line.

    And where were the Greeks? All he could see was thousands of points of light above the dust clouds thrown up by the Persian horses. These were reflecting from shields and helmets all across the top ridge. And as he rode closer, he began to see them clearly. Tens of thousands of Greek hoplites, all packed into a single solid formation – the phalanx – eight rows deep, extending for hundreds of yards along the top of the ridge. These foot-soldiers wore shiny bronze armour and face-covering helmets topped with colourful crests which gave them a fearsome appearance, more like iron monsters than men. In front of their positions, they had set up improvised barricades to protect themselves against cavalry attacks such as these. The Greek army was larger than he had expected; certainly much larger than the Persian cavalry advancing up towards it.

           As a seasoned warrior, he knew that attacking up a steep slope was always risky, and taking on superior numbers was always a folly; but cavalry assaulting well-entrenched, disciplined infantry was nothing less than suicidal.

           As he rode back to his men, the command came. They were going up in the next wave. He joined his men as they mounted up and formed into battle lines. The horses snorted and shuffled restlessly. He looked at his men and then up the Heights above him.

As he formed up his horsemen at the base of the ridge, he saw a familiar contingent, several hundred strong, ride up alongside his men. Whilst most cavalrymen wore shiny armour with brightly coloured clothes and crests to impress their opponents, these particular horsemen were clad in dark metallic helmets and iron cuirasses worn with dark cloaks and black tunics. There was a menacing air about them. Their helmets were of the Grecian type and each of their shields bore the embossed club of Heracles. These were the dreaded Dark Riders of Thebes; Greeks who had come to fight against other Greeks.

As the Thebans organized themselves, the commander rode up to him. He took off his fearsome iron helmet to reveal a fresh, handsome face. Even his short beard could not hide his youth. This was Asopodorus, commander of the Dark Riders, at twenty-eight already the most feared cavalry commander in all of Greece. “Prince Sherzada, would you care to join me in partaking of this day’s glory?” he asked the rider.

“What glory?” Sherzada scoffed as he watched Persian lancers hit the Greek phalanx, as ineffectual as a wave smashing against a rock, many impaling themselves on their enemy’s eight-foot spears.

“Not quite what I had in mind, Highness.” Asopodorus drew his curved machaera sword, and pointed it up towards a gentler slope on the right. “Over there is an enemy contingent, cut off from the main body.”

Sherzada saw a smaller Greek phalanx isolated from the rest of the Greek lines, with its flanks virtually undefended. He studied the emblems on their shields to determine which city-state these warriors belonged to. While most bore the standard designs of Attica, it only took one shield emblem to confirm their identity to Sherzada. “The Chimera!” he said. “They are Megarians.”

“Aye,” nodded Asopodorus, “I would have preferred to attack their neighbours, the Athenians, but for now the Megarians will do.”

Sherzada counted their ranks, estimating their numbers. “About three thousand of them, and we – your force and mine – are less than two. We cannot defeat a solid phalanx like that.”

“Unless?”

They looked at each other, as if they had read each other’s mind.

Sherzada quickly turned his horse around and, approaching his riders, ordered them to change formation; dividing them into three consecutive waves. Asopodorus’ Dark Riders formed up behind them. Sherzada told his men to sheath their battle-axes and take out their bows instead. He and his men had practiced this manoeuvre many times with the Thebans but this would be the first time they would put it to use.

Nudging his horse forward, Sherzada ordered his men up the gentle slope towards the Megarian lines. As the distance between his horsemen and the Megarians lessened, he gave a signal and a volley of arrows from the first wave shot high in the air, following a trajectory that came down hard into the centre of the Megarian phalanx. Then he ordered his men to slow down, as he reigned in his own horse. And as they did so, the first wave fired their arrows again, this time directly into the massed Megarians, each horse-archer seeking out exposed body parts: arms, thighs, necks and eyes.

Sherzada brought his horse to a halt out of range of any javelins or rocks the Megarians could hurl at him. But the first wave continued forward, increasing their speed. They rode confidently toward the Megarian lines and then at the last moment wheeled around, turning away from the enemy. And as they turned, they fired another direct volley into the Megarian mass. The fire was accurate and deadly.

While Sherzada’s horse remained motionless, the second wave repeated exactly what the first wave had done, but to even greater damage. The Megarian hoplites, however, continued to maintain the cohesion of their phalanx; the place of each fallen comrade taken by the man behind him. Amid an unrelenting hailstorm of arrows, the Megarians held their ground.

The first two waves kept up a steady fire of arrows from a safe distance, as the third wave came up. And this time, driving his horse at full speed, Sherzada galloped up ahead, leading them sharply to the right, threatening the Megarian left flank. The Megarian shields went up in anticipation of collision. Sherzada could see them bracing for the impact. But there was none; at the last moment, his men swerved away.

The Megarians had been too distracted by Sherzada’s feint against their left flank to notice the Dark Riders suddenly appear on their right. Having ridden unnoticed behind Sherzada’s first two groups, they now smashed into the Megarian lines. The shock was enough to convulse the phalanx. The Thebans did whatever damage they could and then quickly retreated. Momentum is the ally of every cavalryman; immobility his enemy. Their retreat was covered with a deadly barrage of arrows.

Sherzada halted his force at safe distance and surveyed the Megarian lines. He saw dozens of men dead and the dying. The soldiers in their front rank, if it could still be called so, were literally on their knees, cowering behind their shields. Behind them, the rest of their formation had melted into a mob of men huddling together for protection. And in the rear, he could see increasing numbers of men throwing away their heavy shields, hurrying up the hill for safety. The Megarian phalanx was no more.

“Once more and we’ll finish them off,” suggested Asopodorus.

Sherzada agreed. But as he was about give the command, a Persian messenger rode up and addressed them. “Prince Mashistiyun orders you to retire from the field. He will take over the operations here. His Highness wishes to make an example of these Greeks.”

Asopodorus could understand Persian, even if he could not speak it. He threw up his arms in the air and rode up to the messenger. “I am a Greek too, you know, if ‘His Highness’ has not forgotten. Would you like to make an example of me, too?”

The Persian messenger, who had not understood a word Asopodorus had said, chose to ignore the tiresome Greek. He rode away.

Asopodorus muttered, “We did not take the risk to let the Persians steal our glory.”

Sherzada was about to explain that they had no choice as long as the Persians led them, but then he looked at the Megarian lines, and changed his mind.

Greek reinforcements were coming down the ridge to shore up the Megarians. The first to arrive were some three hundred Athenians. Their officers went over to the Megarian mob and hurriedly reformed them into some semblance of a military formation. The Athenians took up position alongside the Megarian mauled right flank, where the Dark Riders had wrought the most damage.

Meanwhile, four thousand armoured Persian cavalry arrived under the command of an exceptionally large man riding a magnificent, though much suffering, horse. Mashistiyun, wearing a long purple cape over heavy gold-plated armour, had styled himself a ‘Prince’ even though he was related only by a distant marriage to the royal family. He was, however, a favourite of Mardauniya, the Persian viceroy, and had been appointed by him to command the Persian cavalry. Mashistiyun arrogantly sneered at Sherzada and Asopodorus and then turned to look at the Megarians with equal disdain.

He raised his sword with a mighty roar. “Let us slaughter these dogs!” Reinforcements thundered down the slopes to the aid of the Megarians, but they were too far. Not even the three hundred Athenians deployed on the Megarian right would make any difference. The pride of the Persian cavalry was about to teach a terrible lesson.

Suddenly the front row of the Athenian infantry went down on one knee. And by doing so, they revealed scores of archers behind them, training their bows directly at their attackers. In a split moment, the arrows flashed into the crowd of oncoming Persian horsemen. Within moments, a second volley followed the first, sparing not even the horses. And then, a third. Mashistiyun and his horse fell with a crash. His cavalrymen were stopped in their tracks; forced to turn back under an unrelenting hail of arrows.

It was not long before the entire Persian cavalry appeared at the scene to gawp at Mashistiyun’s corpse. His bloody cape covered most of his corpulent body like a shroud, a dozen arrows protruding from it. Though most of the Persians had no particular love for Mashistiyun, honour demanded his body be recovered.

The ground shook as tens of thousands of Persian horsemen charged up the hill again against the Megarian lines. But Sherzada and Asopodorus held their men back. It was not their fight. By then the Greek formations had come down and formed a gigantic solid phalanx around the Megarians. As the Persian cavalry closed in, the battle-cry Eleutheria rang out across the Heights. With that, the entire Greek army surged forward and charged their enemies. Infantry clashed with cavalry amid a thunderous crash.

Some of Persians’ horses panicked and shied away at last moment, throwing their riders to the ground. Most could not escape being skewered by Greek spears. Screams of men and animals echoed through the valley. The Greeks had smelled blood and pushed through their advantage. As they advanced, injured horses went wild – charging to the rear, crashing into anything that came in their way. The fallen ones flailed their legs wildly in the air. The Persians tried to fight back, but could not. It was not long before they were in full retreat, leaving the bodies of their General and thousands of their comrades littered on the slopes of Cithaeron.

Sherzada shook his head and ordered his men to cover the Persian retreat, sufficiently convincing the Greeks that continuous pursuit was not in their best interests. As they came down to the plain below, Asopodorus began to vent. “I hate these Persians. And I fight for them only because I hate the Athenians even more.”

Sherzada knew about the age-old rivalry between the two great city-states of central Greece and how over the years Athens had humiliated and overshadowed the Thebans. If it were not for the Athenians fighting on the other side, the Thebans would have just as easily fought against the Persians, as some of them had done at Thermopylae.

They did not notice that they had company. A bare-headed Persian rider had followed them down the slope. He wore a flowing purple robe and armour, similar to Mashistiyun’s. Sherzada allowed the others to move ahead, while he lingered to let the Persian catch up to him. The two met and shook hands.

The man was Burbaraz; in his early forties, with long dark wavy hair and a pleasant face. He was a true Prince of Persia, a grandson of no less a man than King Cyrus the Great. Despite his delicate frame, the Prince was a hardy warrior, a veteran of many campaigns. He was also the last of a breed; the great thinking generals of the Persian High Command that had once led Persia to great victories. A professional soldier, Burbaraz had fallen foul of royal sycophancies and court conspiracies when the Xerxes ascended the throne, ending up commanding far-flung military outposts on the savage frontier along the great river the Greeks called Istrus, better known by the locals as the Danube. He had now been called back to fight the Greeks.

“What was all that about him hating Persians?” he asked Sherzada.

Sherzada smiled. “This might come as a shock to you, Highness, but the Greeks hate you. All of them hate you!”

“Of course they do,” he laughed, “but the question is, will these particular Greeks continue to fight for us?”

“They will.”

“… Because they hate each other even more?”

The Prince knew these Greeks well enough, Sherzada thought. After all, even his wife claimed to be one.

Looking back up the slopes of Cithaeron, Burbaraz said, “This was lunacy. Mardonius simply wanted to prove his point.” Sherzada noted the use of the Greek version of Mardauniya’s name; doubtless an insult.

“Which was?”

“That it was not the right time to attack the Greeks, or so he said,” Burbaraz replied.

Sherzada looked incredulously at the Persian prince.

“What have I always told you about Mardonius, son of Gubaruva?” he asked.

“That he is a military disaster waiting to happen,” Sherzada replied.

“And this you have just seen with your own eyes. But I still do not understand why Khashayarshah had to go home in the middle of the campaign, leaving us at the mercy of this jackass.”

Indeed, Khashayarshah – whom the Greeks called Xerxes, the Great King of Persia – had left Greece over two months ago, declaring his invasion of Greece a famous victory and without finishing the job he had started.

Xerxes’ sudden decision to depart Greece had been as perplexing as his decision to invade it in the first place. The invasion had been the brainchild of Mardonius. He had convinced Xerxes to avenge the defeat the Persians had earlier suffered at the hands of the Greeks. That particular defeat – in fact, a disaster – took place a little more than a decade ago at a beach called ‘Fennel Field’ where thousands of those who fought for Persia, Sherzada’s father included, had lost their lives. Now the name of that battlefield had become etched in the Greek psyche as a byword for endurance and triumph. The Greeks would never let anyone forget the victory they had won at Marathon.

But in giving his royal assent, Xerxes made it clear he was going to invade Greece his way. Against the advice of the best military minds in Persia, the Great King chose to raise the largest army the world had ever seen and lead to it to trample Greece into submission. Tens of thousands of troops were summoned from all corners of the Persian Empire, and beyond. The greatest army ever known to man was assembled and sent across the Hellespont from Asia into Europe, supported by a large fleet, to bring these troublesome Greeks to heel. Once they saw the mighty armies of Persia pouring down their passes, the Greeks would quickly submit – or so Xerxes had hoped.

Greek tenacity, however, proved much tougher than either Xerxes or Mardonius had anticipated. But in spite of receiving a bloody nose at Thermopylae and suffering humiliation at Salamis, the Persians held the upper hand. Their fleet still outnumbered the enemy at sea, and their army remained undefeated on land, controlling the northern half of Greece. A Persian victory was almost at hand. Still, what baffled Sherzada was why Xerxes suddenly abandoned the campaign, leaving Mardonius to finish what they had started together.

And not only that, Xerxes had taken the lion’s share of his best troops with him. Nearly all the regular Persian troops, as well other contingents from the Iranian heartland who were related to the Persians by race and language, had been withdrawn. Except for several Persian cavalry regiments and a hand-picked battalion of veteran ‘Invincibles’, Mardonius was left behind with mostly non-Persian contingents from nations subject to or allied to Persia – Sherzada’s own amongst them. For Xerxes, these foreign troops had come cheap and if they perished, would not be missed. After all, their loyalty to the Persian Empire had always been in doubt.

Pointing to the neat lines of the Persian camp in front of them, Burbaraz explained how Mardonius’ sycophantic commanders spent most of the day drinking and debauching, neglecting their troops. They had acquired scores of captured women for their pleasure. But now, although wine was plentiful, food was running out, while tempers were running high and soldiers were brawling. Internal divisions and ethnic animosities were eating up the army from the inside, while morale was plummeting. “All this happening on Mardonius’ watch,” grunted Burbaraz.  “This is not a camp of the Persian Army I once knew.”

“We still outnumber the Greeks, though only by a slim margin, and we have far more cavalry then they do. Mardonius must have a plan?”

“Oh yes, he has a plan,” replied Burbaraz, “and it is all about auguries and gold.

“Mardonius has, for the last week or so, been secretly sending gold to some of the Greek commanders in the hope that they will defect to us. In the meantime, he continues to perform elaborate sacrifices to determine the will of Destiny. And each day, he declares the auguries are unfavourable, and then all of us sit around and wait for the universe to rearrange things for us.”

“Surely this is a jest?”

“I have never been more serious,” Burbaraz responded. “This is only adding to the disaffection in our camp. Many of us are wondering what the enemy have done to receive all that gold while our own side have never seen any of it.”

“This is no way to win a battle.”

“My friend,” replied Burbaraz as he put his hand on Sherzada’s shoulder. “I fear this battle may already be lost.”

                      CHAPTER 4 – ENEMIES OF THE STATE

Royal Compound of the Agiadae

Sparta

Two days later

The old man hobbled silently into the main hall. It was just like the living room of any other Spartan home, only far larger; the privilege of royalty. A low fire was burning in the hearth, casting orange light across the room. In the left corner of the room, the man saw the young Queen-mother standing next to two long-haired officers, both in their mid-twenties. He recognized them. Theras, Commander of the Hippeis – the Company of Knights – and his deputy, Iason.

    The officers acknowledged the presence of the old man with a respectful nod, but the Queen, with her back turned to the entrance, was too preoccupied to have noticed his arrival. She was poring over a large map spread across the main dining table. The old man looked at her with admiration. The precocious little girl he had once known now looked so majestic, in spite of her relative youth and simple dress.

    “Theras, you must take the Knights to Plataea immediately,” the Queen ordered, without lifting her eyes from the map.

    “We have been through this before, Majesty,” responded Theras. “I cannot abandon my post. My duty is to remain here and protect the young king, yourself and the family of King Leotychidas while he is away at sea.”

    “King Leotychidas’ daughter is fully capable of defending herself,” Gorgo retorted with a laugh.

    Iason raised his eyebrows and smiled awkwardly. “I can certainly attest to that,” he said, rubbing

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Determined to discover why his Israeli friend was killed, Diamond embarks on the most astonishing investigation he’s ever undertaken. From the Dead Sea to the Old City of Jerusalem, to Tel Aviv and Paris, Washington and New York, he unravels an ongoing mystery that began with the nefarious links between America’s greatest corporations and Hitler’s Third Reich.

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by Barry Lando

Copyright © 2014 by Barry Lando and published here with his permission

PROLOGUE

Stockholm, February 1943

Kowalski couldn’t believe his luck. An intelligence coup for the history books!

The next morning in Stockholm, he passed the unprocessed microfilm and the wire recording, along with a coded report, to the courier. Then he walked back toward the Karl XII Hotel.

He was so exhilarated that he never noticed the heavyset man in a leather jacket walking toward him until the man blocked his path, smiled a great friendly smile, and asked in Swedish for a match. He reeked of garlic.

Kowalski said he didn’t smoke and attempted to step around him.

Halt! stehen bleiben,” barked Garlic Mouth in German. He pulled his left hand from his pocket to reveal a snub-nosed Beretta. A black Mercedes sedan swished to a halt at the curb. The back door swung open.

Herein,” ordered Garlic Mouth. He jammed the Beretta into Kowalski’s spine and propelled him into the rear seat. A burly confederate already sitting there yanked Kowalski’s arms behind him and snapped handcuffs on his wrists. Then he stuffed a filthy rag into his mouth, and slipped a coarse woolen hood reeking of fuel oil over his head. Kowalski gagged. He felt the bile rise in his throat; he would suffocate in his own vomit. He tried to remember his months of training. Don’t panic. Keep alert. Stay in control. Easy enough for his instructor to say.

After what seemed about half an hour, the car stopped. A revolver was thrust in his ribs. He was propelled out the door, grabbed by the arms, frog-marched forward ten steps; then down a flight of stairs.

It stank of soot and coal dust and sewage. Fifteen more steps, then left, another door, more steps; he was backed onto a wooden chair.

The hood was yanked from his head; the rag pulled from his mouth. He closed his eyes momentarily to the glare. He was in a small, dank basement room. There were no windows, just a single bright overhead light.

Garlic Mouth and his friend stood on either side of the chair. Facing Kowalski across a pine desk was a slim, elegant man with the palest of blue eyes and a thin blond moustache. He would have been handsome, almost beautiful—a movie star or male model—were it not for the left side of his face, mottled red and cratered as if roasted in a blaze. His neck was hidden by a brown foulard. He had an unlit cigarette in his mouth. His voice was high, almost a woman’s, and calm, so calm, as he began in German.

“Your name?”

“Stanislaw Kowalski.”

“You are from where?”

“From Warsaw.” He struggled for outrage. “I am a Polish businessman and—”

“You lie,” said the man quietly. He nodded toward Garlic Mouth, who grabbed Kowalski’s wrists, still cuffed together, and wrenched them violently upward. An excruciating pain ripped through Kowalski’s shoulders and shot across his back.

Schweinhund!” screamed Kowalski.

“Your name is Avi Ben Simon,” said the inquisitor, reading from a paper in front of him.

The prisoner’s gut tightened again. “No. Stanislaw Kowalski,” he insisted.  He could feel the sweat trickling down his back.

    Another cheerless nod. A second vicious jolt from Garlic Mouth left the prisoner gasping with pain.

    “You are Avi Ben Simon. You are from Warsaw–but not a businessman. You are a Jew. A spy.” The inquisitor stood—he was tall, well built—and came around the table to stand before the prisoner. He wore a soft, fragrant cologne. He showed the prisoner the paper he’d been reading from. The prisoner said nothing; there was no point. His shoulders felt as if they’d been ripped from his body. The pain throbbed through him.

“And so, you see, we know all about you. Now why don’t you fill in a few details? Then we can all go our separate ways.”

So this is ihow it ends, thought Avi Ben Simon. What irony: to flee the Nazis in Warsaw; to be trapped by them in Stockholm. No hero’s return to my new homeland.

But he could still win, if he could only control his fear. There’d been instruction on this from a psychiatrist during training: If caught you can expect to be tortured. Brutally. These Nazi thugs knew nothing about the conversation he’d recorded yesterday, nor that he’d been able to dispatch it with the courier. Avi would give them nothing.

In the cellar, the interrogator continued solemnly with his questions. Avi refused to answer. They finished wrenching his left shoulder from its socket. He shrieked with pain. What was it the psychiatrist had said? If tortured, the only escape is to go into yourself, as deep and dark and as far as you can. They paused for a question. Then they wrenched the right shoulder. Another question. No answer.

As deep and dark and far as you can.

So, as the Germans meticulously shattered his body, Avi fled to the past. He summoned memories, frame by frame: A sesame cake still warm from the oven—an incredible luxury. It was the last meal with his family before he crawled through the sewers and escaped to the forests North of Warsaw.

They began breaking the bones of his fingers. They bent them until Avi could hear them crack, one at a time, like the wishbone of a Friday-night chicken. He wouldn’t talk. He-would-not-talk. He was holding hands with Hannah Lebel from across the street in Warsaw. She laughed as he told his clever jokes.

When he lost consciousness, they revived him with smelling salts and a bucket of freezing water. And still he fled. He sat proudly in the State Loge of the Warsaw Conservatory as his mother played Chopin. And now it was coming, he dimly thought. He was a child by the pond in Wenceslaus Park, watching the marvelous toy sailboat his father gave him, as it caught a gust and glided off across the waters. It could glide forever.

The inquisitor realized he’d lost his prisoner and wearied of the game. He gave a final sad nod. Garlic Mouth wrapped his left arm around the captive’s head, seized his chin with his right hand, and twisted sharply, farther than Avi Ben Simon had ever turned his head before.

Chapter 1

Recently, in Israel

Dov Ben-David cursed as he strode down the hill at Ein Gedi. He’d been looking forward to an afternoon at home on the kibbutz when the call came. It was Hannah Ginsberg at the kibbutz’s spa, a quarter mile away by the turgid, gunmetal waters of the Dead Sea. The computer had crashed—again.

“So? Reboot,” said Dov.

“I did. Still doesn’t work.”

“What about Schmuel?”

“In Beersheba.”

Son of a bitch. The entire spa paralyzed because of a Paleolithic computer and a klutzy manager. So here he was: Dov Ben-David, the former deputy director of Israel’s feared Mossad, the man responsible for liquidating anyone who posed a mortal threat to the Jewish State—from Palestinian terrorists to Iranian nuclear scientists—here he was, turning his day upside down to deal with a problem a ten-year-old child could fix. But not Hannah Ginsberg. She’d drown in a saucer of tea.

Dov was a tall, lanky man, with great bushy eyebrows and dark, penetrating eyes; seventy-two years old, sinewy, and fit. He wore khaki shorts, sandals, and a tattered straw hat to shield his balding head. It was hot, bloody hot: perspiration was already coursing down his ruddy face. He should be at home, napping, before undertaking his daily afternoon of writing and research on one or another arcane topic of ancient Israeli archaeology.

What better counterpoint to a life dedicated to duplicity and death? Since his first years at  Ein Gedi, Dov had become obsessed with deciphering the past. Now, in retirement, he could spend all the time he wanted exploring the ancient ruins, caves, and crevices on the Israeli side of the rift valley that had been home to man for the past four thousand years. In a moment of weakness, he had also agreed to use his once-feared organizational skills to help run Ein Gedi’s Dead Sea Spa. That, he now knew, was a major mistake. He’d resign at the end of the year.

He walked into the coffee shop, glared at Hannah Ginsberg, and headed for the computer at the cashier’s desk. Hannah shrugged, brought him a cup of tea, and then went back to wiping off the countertop. Avram Levy, the graying, pudgy kibbutz security guard, was at the food counter concentrating on his daily crossword puzzle. Three tables were filled with French tourists having an early afternoon snack.

Dov took a seat at the cashier’s desk and glowered at the computer: an ancient, hulking IBM, an embarrassing relic. The kibbutz could never seem to find the money to buy a new one. Dov waited while it rebooted. It was like watching the tide come in.

Hopefully, he might still have an hour or so back at home before the American reporter arrived, a chance to shower, collect his thoughts. He was surprised at how rattled he’d been by the news. Was it age? Not at all. His mind was still fit. He’d had to deal with all kinds of alarming information during his long clandestine career. But he knew when to push the panic button, and he knew it was now.

The potential for disaster was far too fearsome to be ignored—and still he had hesitated. This was perilous ground. Let someone else act this time. He had spent too much of his life risking his skin for his country. Why put himself on the line again?

Essentially, because he had no choice: he alone understood the danger. The consequences could be catastrophic—for Israel and the United States.

He’d considered his options. He could alert old Israeli contacts; he had an impressive network. But no, that wouldn’t do. He had to reach out further for allies. He had to totally destroy the threat.

So he’d made the call.

The reporter would be here in a couple of hours.

Together they would expose the entire story to the world.

He vaguely saw the silver van come to a stop in the no parking zone next to the entrance to the spa. A young Arab-looking kid in jeans and a T-shirt got out and walked quickly away. A bit too quickly. “Avram,” said Dov, ”Why don’t you check out the van.”

He turned his attention back to the computer, but when there was no acknowledgement from the security guard, he looked up again to see the men’s room door swinging shut. He glanced towards the window again.

Suddenly there was a blinding flash.

He swore aloud, but his words were lost in a deafening blast that shattered the plate glass window before him.

He saw the silver van disintegrating as it hurtled toward him, and then there was nothing more to see.

A giant claw ripped at his throat and lifted his body into the air, slowly, as if in a dream.

* * * *

El Al flight 746 from Paris bounced once on the runway and then swerved slightly to the left as it raced past the control tower, flaps down and reverse thrusters roaring. Ed Diamond could feel his pulse beating wildly by the time the Boeing 737 lurched to a halt with a squeal of tires. This is what happens when fighter pilots become airline pilots, he thought as he retrieved his laptop and suitcase from the overhead bin. Ed himself was a lousy flier, always had been—the original sweaty palms. Not much of an asset for a reporter who made his living traveling around the globe. The stewardess whom he’d been chatting up during the flight rolled her eyes and smiled apologetically as he headed for the exit.

The plane was half empty; few tourists were coming these days. Three burly young men, M-4s bulging under their canvas jackets, stood at the gate. They surveyed the deplaning passengers as if, at any moment, one of the arrivals might lob a hand grenade or loose a murderous blast from a Kalashnikov.

They were the only discordant note to the modern, brilliantly lit hallways, the pageant of glitzy billboards and sprawling duty-free stores celebrating the country’s glittering hi-tech façade. The only country with more cell phones per capita is Finland, the home of Nokia, he thought.

At the immigration counter, a beady-eyed woman with the rank of captain licked her thumb as she turned the pages of Ed’s passport. If it had been Kennedy in New York, the immigration officer would have greeted him with a wide, ego-soothing smile of recognition and complimented him on the latest broadcast. Not the scowling Israeli captain. She examined the stamps from Damascus, Kabul, Tripoli, and Teheran with growing concern and then flipped back to page one to scrutinize Ed’s picture and data—born Seattle, Washington; 6’1”, hazel-blue eyes, brown hair. She lifted her eyes and glared at Ed as if he were the new head of Al Qaeda.

“You’ve been to all these places?”

“I’m a reporter.”

“For what company?”

“NBS. American television. A program called Focus.”

She raised her eyebrows. “You have a reporter’s ID?”

He showed the press card he’d been issued on his last trip to Israel.

“You’ve come to tell the truth about Israel?”

Ed understood it wasn’t a joke. “I always do.”

“Sure. You all do,” she muttered. “OK. Go ahead.”

“No ‘Shalom. Welcome to Israel’?”

She ignored the gibe and gestured impatiently for the next person to step forward.

The newspapers carried unconfirmed reports that Syria had put its troops on alert. Despite the Wall, there’d been another upsurge of terrorism in Israel: a suicide bombing in Nathanya, a drive-by shooting last night near Jenin.

But the real shocker was news of an American missile strike on an underground biological weapons site that was being constructed in the tribal areas of northwestern Pakistan. According to latest reports, the site was a joint project between Al Qaeda, the Taliban, and—most surprising of all—a small, radical Palestinian group, the Sons of the Prophet, its followers dedicated to annihilating the state of Israel.

Outside the terminal, the warm afternoon breeze carried a faint scent of eucalyptus. Ed had removed his suede windbreaker and was wearing a white linen shirt and light brown slacks. He walked past the drivers lounging by the taxi station to the Avis lot, where he picked up the Ford Mustang his office had reserved.

He drove east along the highway to Jerusalem, past the urban sprawl of Greater Tel Aviv: high-rise apartments and high-tech factories that spread across the coastal plain eating into the green strips of farmland, where sprinklers sprayed glistening arcs. Then up into the Judean hills with their shady forests of pine, cypress, and eucalyptus. He had been coming here for the past fifteen years, often to see the same man he’d been summoned to meet today, Dov Ben-David.

Ed had first met Ben-David when he was researching a story about Hamas and arms smuggling from Egypt. It was a tale the Mossad wanted to get out, and Ben-David was their acknowledged expert. He provided enough nuggets about the radical Palestinians to win Ed another Emmy. After that, Ed continued consulting Ben-David on everything from the Russian Mafia to the financial networks of Osama bin Laden to Iran’s nuclear program. Ben-David had impeccable sources everywhere. “The tools we use may be brutal,” he once told Ed. “But remember, we are fighting for our country’s survival.”

Over the last few years, however, Dov had increasingly questioned Israel’s tactics; though, of course, only in private. Ed recalled the last time he’d seen him. It was just after the massive attack on Gaza. Dov was still the Mishne, as he was called in Hebrewbut he’d become sullen, scowling, oppressed by the increasingly bloody conflict with the Palestinians. What had begun under his guidance as a very precise campaign—carefully planned, targeted assassinations of the most radical Palestinian leaders, the men who trained and commanded the missile teams and suicide bombers—had spiraled completely out of control.

The TV screen was now filled each day with grisly images of noncombatants—old men, women, and children—also blown apart by Israeli helicopter gunships and drones. In some cases, the Israeli government actually apologized to the bereaved families for their “mistake.”

“At first I thought the idea of targeted assassinations might work,” Ben-David had told Ed. “I mean if the Palestinian leadership wouldn’t get rid of their killers, we’d do it ourselves. But it hasn’t worked. It’s made things even worse. Now our crazies are as wild as theirs. God knows where we’re heading.”

A couple of months later, Ben-David resigned from the Mossad and returned with his wife to the kibbutz at Ein Gedi.

There had been no further word from him—until yesterday. Ed had been in the edit room of his office in Paris, contemplating the image of a gangling African boy on the Sony monitor. The kid wore an Avatar T-shirt and brandished an AK-47. He couldn’t have been more than ten or eleven; he glared at the camera with wild, dilated eyes.

It was a spectacular image for what was to have been a sensational report: hopped-up child soldiers exploited by ruthless buccaneers ready to rip apart a swath of Africa to make a fortune in diamonds. A brutal, cynical trade that the UN and all the countries involved had sworn to suppress years ago, but there it was, still flourishing. Yet Ed’s report wasn’t working: the issues were too complex, the politics too convoluted. There were too many countries no one cared about. The thing would plunge the viewers into a coma.

Bottom line: it was not the kind of broadcast Focus’s star reporter was supposed to be coming up with, particularly not now as he jockeyed for a decisive promotion. He had been promised a weekly hour-long broadcast of his own, with the notoriety, power, and seven-figure salary that went with it. It was everything he’d been working toward for the past twenty years.

But right now, he still had this African mess to clean up, somehow.

He was interrupted by his assistant, Colleen Fisher. “Ed, call for you—from Israel, Dov Ben-David.”

Ed cocked his head to one side, his forehead creased. “Tell him I’m not in,” he said. “No, tell him I’ll call back when I get a chance.”

Dov Ben-David was a nice guy, but no longer what you might call a hot source.

“He says he’s got to talk to you—now.”

Merde,” Ed muttered as he picked up the phone. “Dov,” he said heartily. “It’s been a long time.”

“Maybe, Ed. But it’s a battle just getting through to you.”

“No, it’s just that…”

“It’s OK. A lot of people are no longer particularly eager to take my calls.”

“Any time,” said Ed, trying to sound interested.

“You know what I worry about these days?” said the Israeli. “Not terrorists, but tourists. God help me if I don’t have enough toilet paper and sanitary pads in stock, But don’t worry. I didn’t call to waste your time with the kvetching of an old man.”

“So, what can I do for you?”

“Come and see me in Israel. Now. It’s very important.”

“Love to. But I have work. What’s it about?”

“I can’t say right now, you understand?”

“How about a hint?”

“Ed, look, something has happened.” Dov’s tone was urgent. “It is about your country and mine. It is serious—believe me.”

“Yeah?” Ed still wasn’t convinced.

There was an edge now to Dov’s voice. “When was the last time I picked up the phone to tell you about a report you should do?”

“Never. I always had to pry the information out of you.”

“So—stop making me waste my breath. Come!”

Ed paused. He glanced at the images on the editing console again. Perhaps Ben-David was losing it—but perhaps not. He had never been one to exaggerate. Ed could make it to Israel and back in a couple of days. It would be a welcome break from this African quagmire.

“OK. I’ll be there tomorrow afternoon. And Dov?”

“Yes.”

“Tell Esther I never forgot her borscht.”

****

Another hour and a half to go, thought Ed as he sipped a bottle of water. He bypassed Jerusalem and continued through hardscrabble gulches, home to a few remaining Bedouins, their camels and donkeys hobbled next to their battered pickups. The road turned south, dipped into the Judean Desert. On the right, the bone-dry mountains and gorges of what geologists call the Afro-Syrian Rift; ahead and to the left, the Dead Sea shimmered in the late-afternoon heat.

Suddenly, a police car flashed by, its siren howling, dust flaring in the sun. Careening after it, with the same banshee wail, came another police car, then another.

A terrorist attack at Masada or Beersheba, thought Ed. It was just after five p.m. He turned on the car radio and found the English-language news broadcast from Kol Yisrael.

“….three other people were injured. The blast occurred at three forty-five this afternoon. According to reports, the explosive charge was placed in a Volkswagen van parked near the café. Two of the injured were tourists. No one has yet claimed responsibility.

“Meanwhile in Damascus, the US secretary of state refused comment after completing talks with the Syrian president. Sources close to the secretary were ‘disappointed’ by the lack of progress.”

Jesus, thought Ed as the announcer rattled on, how the hell can anyone live with the constant tension in this place, the threat of violence always ready to explode? A military jeep and van roared by, headed north.

At the turnoff for the kibbutz, he saw where all the emergency traffic was coming from: a few hundred yards down the highway was a cluster of military jeeps and trucks. Soldiers in olive-green battle dress had cordoned off a group of buildings by the Dead Sea: the Ein Gedi Spa.

Ed parked and walked to the checkpoint. A gaggle of German tourists had stopped, and one of them, a potbellied blonde, was chattering into her cell phone, giving a strident account to friends or family in Germany. The others were taking pictures of one another posed in front of the soldiers.

A stringy, gray-haired reservist manned the checkpoint, a TAR-21 slung from his shoulder. Ed produced his Israeli press pass.

“Only emergency workers allowed through.”

“What happened?” asked Ed.

“A car bomb at the spa.”

“When?”

“I don’t know,” the reservist snapped. “Two hours ago. Maybe less. I can’t talk to media.”

The explosion had hit thirty yards away. The van must have been parked by the front door of the spa’s café. Shards of painted silver metal, twisted steel and chrome, were all that remained of the vehicle. The blast had cratered the highway, knocked a hole in the cement wall of the coffee shop, blown out the door and all the windows.

Two investigators in plain clothes were picking through the debris, taking measurements and notes as they went. Three young men wearing bright yellow vests—ultra-Orthodox volunteers from the Zaka organization—were carefully collecting body parts and shards of human flesh, some hanging from the branches of the palm trees, to return to their families for religious burial.

There was still a thin veil of dust and a faint, acrid smell in the air. Ed coughed a couple of times. He could already feel his chest tightening. An army colonel wearing wraparound sunglasses and the double-eagle insignia of AMAN came over. Between coughs, Ed again produced his press pass.

“No comment,” said the colonel. He was obviously from the States originally.

         “Just tell me, off the record, what happened?” Ed paused for a breath. “I’ve a friend who lives here.”

“Can’t do.” The officer nodded toward the nearby hill. “Ask at the kibbutz.”

Ed gasped again, and the officer’s eyes abruptly narrowed as the reporter reached for his pocket and withdrew a dark-blue device.

“Asthma,” said Ed. “The dust.” The last thing he needed was for this hair-trigger colonel to think he was reaching for a weapon. He inserted the inhaler in his mouth, pressed, and inhaled deeply. After a few minutes, he could feel the bronchial passages opening, but the relief was only temporary. His breathing was still labored. He had to get away from the site and the irritants swirling in the air.

****

He walked unsteadily to his car, drove back to the highway, and waited there for a few minutes until the attack had receded. Then he took the asphalt road that wound up the hill to Ein Gedi, passed a soccer field, where teenagers in blue shorts and T-shirts scampered about as if car bombs were a daily occurrence, and pulled into the parking lot by the dining hall and a newly built auditorium. Children ran laughing through sprinklers that watered the thick green lawn. Tidy flowerbeds lined the paths leading to the bungalows. This could be a middle-class suburb anywhere in the Southwest, thought Ed, if it weren’t for the Israeli flag flapping in the breeze, the security fence ringing the entire settlement, and those young men back at the blast site and their baskets of human flesh.

There was a cluster of people at the entrance to the dining hall. They stared at Ed as he approached. He stopped before a squat man wearing a Dodgers baseball cap, sandals, and khaki shorts. He was peeling an orange.

“Shalom,” said Ed, “can you tell me where is the house of Dov Ben-David?”

“Who wants to know?” The man put a wedge of orange into his mouth.

“Ed Diamond. I’m, uh, an old friend of Dov’s.”

“It’s too soon to be making condolence calls, don’t you think?”

The man squinted against the sun and tossed the orange peel into the dust. “Dov—he’s dead, alev hashalom, killed by the bomb.”

Chapter 2

Ed could smell the lavender and myrrh the next morning as he passed Ein Gedi’s botanical garden on his way to the cemetery. He’d spent the night at the kibbutz hotel; the mild asthma attack he’d had yesterday seemed to have passed.

Today again the sprinklers were whirring, the vivid green of the lawn in stark contrast to the bleached canyons and parched mountain cliffs. The rows of tombstones were flat and unadorned, bearing names, dates, brief inscriptions. Several sturdy young men, in plain clothes but obviously military security, were dotted around the perimeter of the cemetery.

Ed threaded his way among the hundreds of mourners, many of them prominent government officials in dark suits or sports shirts, small skull caps on the back of their heads. Former Prime Ministers Ehud Barak and Bibi Netanyahu shook hands gravely. Netanyahu was not aging well, thought Ed: puffy jowls, bloated waist. Ehud Olmert huddled with the current head of the Mossad, arm around his shoulders. Ed couldn’t help feeling a certain gratification as he noted the attention that he—a rising television celebrity—was also receiving.

“Ed Diamond,” exclaimed a rasping voice behind him. “What is the illustrious American reporter doing here?” Ed turned to face a slender man in his fifties with thinning gray hair, hooded brown eyes, and a vise-like grip. It was Moshe Weinstein, once the subject of a report by Ed, just before Weinstein resigned as defense minister. “I can no longer be part of a government,” he’d told Ed in their interview, “that refuses to deal seriously with the Palestinians.” It was a headline-making statement from a one-time hawk, a man who had commanded Israel’s vaunted air force. Weinstein had since formed his own “Peace Today” party.

“Damn shame what happened to Dov,” said Weinstein.

“It’s so ironic,” said Ed. “Dov makes it through all those years risking his life on the front lines; then he retires and they get him.”

“You don’t know the whole story,” said Weinstein, reaching up to adjust his yarmulke.

“What do you mean?”

“Normally the spa’s coffee shop is fairly empty at the time the bomb went off—it’s the laziest part of the day. Dov just happened to be there. He took a plate glass window in his face.” Weinstein drew a finger across his neck. “It cut the carotid like a butcher’s knife, almost took his whole head right off.”

“Good God,” Ed shuddered. “What do the police say?”

“A very professional job. Nitrate-based explosives packed in a van. Detonated by remote control, probably a cell phone. We had hoped the Wall would end such attacks. It did for a while; somehow they’re beginning to get through again.”

“Do they know who was responsible?”

“Perhaps. About an hour ago a new Palestinian terrorist group, the Sons of the Prophet, claimed credit. They called Dov an ‘enemy of the Palestinian people’ for the things he did with the Mossad. They warned that all such enemies would suffer the same fate. ‘Allah is Great!’ and all that.”

“That was it?”

“More or less.” Weinstein paused. “Look, I don’t know much about them. I’m no longer in the government. They are supposed to be very small, very secret. But why did they go after Dov? They are playing by new rules. You probably heard that they’re also now involved with Al Qaeda—trying to produce biological weapons in Pakistan.” Weinstein shook his head. “Can you believe it? How do we make peace in this insane place?”

The cemetery was filling up. A heavyset man limped toward them. He had a shock of thick gray hair, a broad, furrowed brow, and a black ribbon in the lapel of his blazer. Ed recognized him at once. It was Dov Ben-David’s younger brother, Arik, much better known in Israel than Dov. He and Weinstein shook hands stiffly, with no pretense of friendship.

To fill the silence, Weinstein formally introduced Arik to Ed. The Israeli’s grip was dry, firm, his voice resonant, the tone of one used to command. “Shalom, Ed Diamond. I’ve heard of you.” His eyes were his most striking feature, a pale emerald green, like the inside of an iceberg. They bore right into you, thought Ed. Not necessarily hostile, just letting me know who’s in charge, like a rhino, or a leopard staking out his turf.

Arik Ben-David was a military hero in a country of military heroes—once one of Israel’s youngest generals. Ed knew the story: After being wounded by shrapnel in Lebanon in 1982, Ben-David transferred to the Mossad; then left the government a few years back to become involved in a variety of successful private enterprises—including some very lucrative clandestine arms deals with China.

“I’m sorry about your brother,” said Ed. “He was a very admirable, decent man. It must be a great loss.”

“Of course it is,” said Ben-David quietly. “Of course.” Something flickered in his eyes. He glanced at his Rolex. “Thank you for coming. Please excuse me, I have to greet others.”

“An interesting man,” said Moshe Weinstein as Ben David walked away. “Both he and Dov were involved with ridding us of radical Palestinians—PFLP and Hamas back then.”

“I knew about Dov.”

“Yes, well, the difference was that Dov regretted each killing. Arik, I think he really enjoyed it. He was actually forced out of the Mossad—too extreme. His son was killed by a Hezbollah rocket in south Lebanon. Deep down he hates the Arabs.

The sun was already high in the sky when the funeral service began. Across the Dead Sea, the pastel mountains of Jordan glimmered ghostlike through the haze. Like Ed, many of the men had removed their jackets. From where the reporter stood, he could see Dov’s widow, Esther, dressed in a short-sleeved black blouse and skirt, her daughter on one side, her son on the other. She gazed unflinchingly at the simple wooden coffin, apparently oblivious to the mourners around her. Arik Ben-David stood behind her, ramrod stiff, his large hand on her shoulder. Remembering the gruesome aftermath of the bombing, Ed couldn’t help wondering how much of Dov Ben-David was actually in the coffin.

There were a few traditional prayers, readings of poetry and texts composed by relatives and friends. The current prime minister spoke, as did the head of the Mossad and Arik Ben-David.

Then a tall, willowy woman who had been standing near Esther stepped forward. Even in somber mourning garb with no makeup, she was striking: her long chestnut hair framed an oval face, full lips, and the same remarkable pale emerald eyes as Arik Ben-David. She carried herself with the sort of poise you don’t learn, thought Ed. It was unaffected, almost regal. He glanced at Weinstein.

“Gabriella Ben-David—Dov’s niece—Arik’s daughter,” Weinstein whispered, as the woman began to speak in Hebrew.

Ed couldn’t understand the words, but her voice, vibrant and clear, flowed over the mourners like a soothing balm. When she had finished, the silence was broken only by scattered sobs from the mourners and the cries of the starlings soaring on the currents of air that rose from the desert. Ed’s throat was tight. He brushed his eyes; Weinstein did the same.

At the conclusion of the service, each mourner placed a few pebbles or flowers on the newly turned earth; then they filed past the widow and her family to offer condolences. When Ed’s turn came, he took her hand. “Esther, Ed Diamond. You probably don’t remember me.” Her hand was limp. “I had dinner at your apartment in Tel Aviv a few years ago.” She stared right through him, dark circles under her eyes. It seemed she hadn’t registered a word. Ed stumbled on. “All I can say is I admired Dov so much, and I—”

She interrupted abruptly, her eyes suddenly ablaze. “I tell Dov not to call you. I tell him. But he doesn’t listen to me. He doesn’t listen.” She paused. Her lower lip trembled. “So now you are not making your interview with him, are you, Mr. Diamond? You make your trip for nothing.”

Ed was stunned by her vehemence. He opened his mouth but could find nothing to say. He was obliged to move on as Esther turned to greet the next mourner. Not sure what to do next, he wandered back through the gardens and ascended a gravel path to a wooden bench that overlooked the Dead Sea.

He sat there, gazing at the shimmering mountains of Moab and tried to fathom Esther’s violent outburst. How could he be responsible for Dov’s death? What was it Dov had wanted to tell him? Something to do with the United States and Israel, he’d said. But what? Ed frowned. This was not really the appropriate moment to ask Dov’s widow, even if she was willing to talk with him. But he had no choice: he’d already booked himself on the El Al flight early the next morning. He waited an hour until most of the mourners had left before he approached the Ben-David home.

It was a modest, one-story bungalow, like all the other dwellings on the kibbutz, faded yellow ochre stucco walls, roof tiles of burnt sienna, several splintered and cracked. No one came to live on a kibbutz to make a fortune. In exchange for your labor, you and your family could count on a roof over your head, three meals a day, education, health care, and—in the early pioneering days at least—the feeling that you were constructing something new and grand, fulfilling the destiny of your people. No more. The dream had been tarnished long ago.

There was a small garden in front of the Ben-David home, a few roses, a bougainvillea, and a towering banana plant that shaded the entrance. The door was open. Inside, it was cool. Esther sat on a beige sofa in the living room with a few close family and friends, all talking softly. She looked up when Ed entered. He wasn’t sure what to expect, but she gave him a wan smile.

“Mr. Diamond, please, come in. Have some coffee and cake.”

Ed poured coffee into a Styrofoam cup and took a seat by the bookcase, next to a couple of men who were turned to each other in deep conversation. A mourner’s candle burned on one of the bookshelves, its light flickering over an old photo of Dov Ben-David: a strapping young man in his twenties, dressed in short sleeves, shorts, and sandals, a Sten gun on his shoulder as he beamed confidently at the camera. Behind him, the mountains of Ein Gedi. Vintage Zionism, more than forty years ago, thought Ed. These days it has a vinegary taste.

The man sitting beside Ed, who had been talking with someone else, now turned to face the reporter. It was Arik Ben-David. “Mr. Diamond. Shalom again.” His smile was warmer than it had been at the cemetery. He glanced at the photo of Dov. “A fine-looking man, yes? And such dreams. We were so naive back then.” He took a sip of his coffee. “You know, I’ve often wondered why the Palestinian terrorists have targeted so few Israeli leaders. Maybe that’s all going to change now.” He shrugged. “It’s just something we will have to live with.”

He took a small piece of sponge cake and then glanced across the room at Esther.

“My sister-in-law says you came here to see Dov.”

“That’s right.”
“What about?”
“He wouldn’t tell me over the phone.”

“Well, then, I suppose we’ll never know.”
“I’d sure as hell like to.”

Ben-David patted Ed’s knee. “Things have changed in this country, Mr. Diamond. Even with the Wall, it’s become a far more dangerous place for government officials, past and present, perhaps even for reporters like you. Here, everything has become a fight for survival.”

“Dov never told you what was bothering him?”

“No. Dov and I lived in such different worlds. But you can’t imagine how much I will miss him.” Arik rose and extended his hand. “Goodbye, Mr. Diamond. By the way, if you do decide to look into this matter, let me know. Perhaps I can help you.” He smiled again. “I still have friends in high places.” He turned and limped across the room, said a few words to Esther, embraced her, and left.

Moshe Weinstein had been listening nearby. “I’ve known Arik forever,” he said as he sat down next to Ed. “I used to admire him tremendously. Military hero. Brilliant businessman. Grandmaster at chess. But now we rarely talk. Today was the first time in years he even shook my hand. The country is going berserk.”

“What do you mean?”

Weinstein glanced at the newspapers on the coffee table. They all carried pictures of yesterday’s bomb attack and a photo of Dov Ben-David. “I mean that the political weather around here is getting very ugly, as bad as it’s ever been: Jews against Palestinians, Jews against Jews, Palestinians against Palestinians. Some of them hate their own people more than they hate one another, and that is saying something.”

“And all sides are convinced they’re doing God’s will.”

“Exactly.”

“And that’s what makes it so interesting for you reporters,” a woman’s voice interjected.

Gabriella Ben-David was standing before them. She had a tight smile on her lips as she handed them some sponge cake. “A peace offering—from my aunt.”

“Peace offering?” said Ed.
“That’s what she told me to say.”
“Thanks. How could I refuse?
“I’ll leave you two to figure things out,” said Weinstein. “Ed, here’s my card. If you’re going to be in Jerusalem tonight, give me a call.”

Gabriella took Weinstein’s place. “I can understand why you might have been surprised by my aunt,” she continued in lightly accented English. “I heard what she said to you by the grave.”

“She thinks I’m somehow to blame for what happened to Dov,” said Ed. “I’ve got an idea that Arik feels the same.”

“No, believe me,” she said solemnly. “It’s just that everyone is still so shocked by what happened. We do not hold this against you. Not Esther, Not my father. None of us.” She raised a hand to push her long hair back from her face. Once again, he was mesmerized by her emerald green eyes. He searched for something to say. “I’m sorry, I don’t understand Hebrew, but what you said by the grave moved everyone. Dov would have been proud. I’m sure your father was.”

“Thanks, maybe he was,” she said curtly. “He didn’t say.” The color rose in her cheeks. “Now come, my aunt would like to talk with you.” She guided Ed to the leather sofa across from Esther. The other mourners had departed. The widow was drawn and gray.

“Mr. Diamond, I am sorry if I am rude before. I hope you understand.”

“Of course. Please,” he put his hand on her shoulder. “You don’t have to—”

“I do know it is not your fault. You are just answering Dov’s call. He insists on calling you.”

Ed hesitated. Esther was exhausted, emotionally drained, but he had to ask. “What was it about? What did he want?”

She looked away. “He—he won’t tell me. He—all I know is that, the evening before he calls you, he is here, reading the paper and watching television, like always. When I come out of the kitchen, he is very upset.”

“What was he watching?”

“I don’t know. Usually CNN. He tells me he cannot believe what is happening.”

“Happening where?”

“I don’t know.” Esther threw up her hands. “He says he doesn’t want me involved. That night he does not sleep. He is up all the time. Walking. Around and around. Like an animal in a cage. For years, I don’t see him like that. The next morning he says he is going to call you. He says he trusts you. I have bad feeling about it. I don’t want him to do it. But he doesn’t listen.”

She stared at the picture of her dead husband on the bookcase. “He doesn’t listen to me—or to Arik. He says it is too important. Someone has to make the alarm.”

“Alarm about what?”

She looked helplessly at the reporter and shook her head. “And then, he has to go back to the spa. Why? Why?”

“But I don’t understand,” said Ed. “The declaration the terrorists made today was that they murdered Dov because he had targeted radical Palestinian leaders when he was in the Mossad. What does any of that have to do with his call to me?”

Esther’s eyes widened. She bit her lower lip.
“Please, what is it?” he asked. “What’s going on?”
She looked at Gabriella.
“It’s all right, show him,” said her niece.
Esther hesitated.
“Dodah, it’s all right.”
Esther walked unsteadily to the bookcase. She opened a cupboard on the left-hand side, removed a piece of paper, and returned. “Yesterday, just before the bomb goes off, the fax rings on Dov’s desk. It is this message.”

She showed the fax to Ed. There were two sentences handwritten on it, in a script that appeared to be Hebrew.

“Can you translate this?”

Gabriella took the paper. “It’s ancient Aramaic,” she said. “It is addressed to Dov and says, ‘Warning to those who commit sins causing dissension in the community, passing malicious information to the gentiles, or revealing the secrets of the town.’ It goes on to say, ‘Next time there will be no warning.’”

“You mean that bomb was supposed to have just been a warning?” said Ed. “It wasn’t supposed to have killed him?”

Esther stared ahead.

“That’s what we think,” said Gabriella. “Usually my uncle would never have been there when the bomb went off. He went to work at the spa early in the morning around eight. Then he would come back around 11:30, have lunch, rest, go to his study, read, write. During the tourist season, he’d go back in the late afternoon, maybe four or five, to see if there were any problems. But yesterday he went back down right after lunch.”

“He has to fix the computer at the cashier’s desk,” Esther explained. “The cashier’s desk is next to the front door.”

All expression had drained from her face.
“Do the police know about this?”
“The Shabak come last night. I tell them the same thing I tell  you.”
“They took the fax with them,” said Gabriella. “I made a copy.”

“Esther, I’m sorry to push so hard,” said Ed. “I hope you understand. I’ve got to go now. I’m staying in Jerusalem tonight, but I’m flying to Paris early tomorrow morning.” He took the widow’s hands and continued. “If you do find out more, please let me know. And if I can ever do anything to help, don’t hesitate to call.”

Not a very gracious exit, thought Ed, considering the circumstances: Dov is dead because of what he wanted to tell me—but what the hell was it?

Gabriella accompanied him to the door. “I’ll walk you to your hotel.” The children were no longer playing on the lawn; the sun was at its peak. They strolled along the bamboo-shaded path toward the hotel, Ed very conscious of the attractive woman at his side.

“So that’s it? You’re not going to investigate Dov’s killing any further?”

“Unfortunately, I’ve got to get back to my office. I’ve another report to complete. And then I’ve got to get to New York. Besides,  I wouldn’t know where to begin on this. Your intelligence services are supposed to be the best in the world. What could I possibly come up with on my own?” He’d almost convinced himself.

They walked for a while in silence. Her skin gave off a faint scent. Jasmine?

“You mentioned you are going to Jerusalem now. Would you give me a ride? That’s where I live. I came here with my father last night. But he had to go back early. I was going to take the bus.”

“Of course.”

“Great.” She touched Ed’s bare arm. “I’ll go and get my bag. Meet you here in ten minutes, okay?”

Ed watched as she turned toward her aunt’s house. His skin still tingled at her touch. When he looked back, he noticed a tall, broad-shouldered man who looked like an ad for a Nautilus workout at the hotel door. He wore a white open-necked shirt, had an angular Slavic face, and appeared to be in his mid-thirties. He was staring at Ed and made no secret of it. Ed had seen him talking with Arik at Esther’s house half an hour before. He stepped forward to produce an ID card with the blue shield of Israel printed in the center. “Mr. Diamond, Amos Givron, Shabak. We are investigating the bombing. I need to talk with you.”

“Fine. But I really don’t know how I can help.”

“We will see.” He contemplated Ed now with hard, unfriendly eyes. “Please, come with me.”

“I’ve also got to get to Jerusalem tonight.” Ed said.

As if he hadn’t heard, Givron continued into the hotel. Suppressing a brief surge of anger, Ed followed him past the gift shop, where a noisy group of tourists was trying on souvenir T-shirts, and into the cafeteria. The two men bought coffee and then sat at a small table by the window. The only other people in the room were sun-bleached teenagers, a boy and a girl in shorts and sandals, their heads close together, talking softly. The boy had a light blond beard.

Givron glanced at the couple, gazed out the window where hotel guests sat around the swimming pool shaded by giant palms, and then looked back at Ed. “As I said, Mr. Diamond, we are looking into yesterday’s bombing.”

Ed furrowed his brow. “I thought a Palestinian group has taken responsibility, the Sons of the Prophet.”

“They did—at least that’s the e-mail they sent to the press this morning.”

“You don’t think it was them?”
“I said we are still investigating,” said Givron testily.
“But why Dov Ben-David? I mean, he was retired, and he was known to favor a deal with the Palestinians.”
The Israeli looked up sharply. “Mr. Diamond, why don’t you let me ask the questions.”
Ed shrugged. “Be my guest.”
“Why did you come to Israel?”
“Dov called and asked me to come.”
“Did he say what it was about?”
“He didn’t want to talk about it over the phone.”
“I don’t understand, Mr. Diamond.”

 The tanned young girl across the room began to laugh softly. Givron paused and glanced in her direction. Her boyfriend had his hand under the table; she had her foot raised between his legs. “Look, you are in Paris, and someone in Israel phones you, tells you to come to Israel, but says he can’t tell you why. And you—a very busy, very famous reporter—you simply drop what you are doing and fly to Israel.”

“No, you look, Mr. Givron. Dov was an old friend. I’d known him for many years. I trusted him. If he said ‘Come,’ that meant it was important.”

Givron’s eyes narrowed. “He helped you in the past—when he was with the Mossad, of course? Just how did he help you?”

“I can’t tell you. You can be assured he gave away none of Israel’s valuable secrets. But that’s as far as I’ll go. I’m a reporter. I protect my sources—even when they’re dead. That’s something authorities in my country understand.”

“You are no longer in your country,” Givron said flintily. “You are here, in Israel. We play by different rules. We are surrounded by enemies. We take our security laws seriously. It’s not up to you to decide if Dov Ben-David broke them by talking to you. It’s up to us. Perhaps what he revealed to you is connected with the bombing.”

Ed felt his temper flare. “Hey, I’m as interested as you to discover who killed Dov! And why! So cut the shit—and back off.” Ed rose from his chair. “Now, unless you’re going to arrest me for something specific, I’m out of here.”

The young couple stared at them across the room. Givron’s jaw tightened. He took a deep drag on his cigarette, exhaled, and smiled grimly. “Arrest you? Who’s talking about arresting you?” He spread his hands wide. “You are free to go. But if you do get any information, we shall expect you to be in contact with us, you understand? Another thing, Mr. Diamond…”

“Yes?”

“An intelligent man like you should be more cautious before he jumps into situations he knows nothing about.” His eyebrows arched. “You are dealing with crazy people here. You get in the way, they kill you.”

… Continued…

Download the entire book now to continue reading on Kindle!

by Barry Lando
4.5 stars – 71 reviews!
Kindle Price: $3.99

KND Freebies: Intense paranormal romance WHAT LIES INSIDE is featured in today’s Free Kindle Nation Shorts excerpt

4.6 stars – 20 reviews!
WOW!
“…I loved this book!…romance, strong characters, and a great storyline!… A great paranormal read! Can’t wait til the next one!”
Amelia Lamont never asked to unleash her inner vampire…
In fact, she didn’t even know it was there — until a new, insatiable thirst for blood leads her to drain the school quarterback…
and that’s only the beginning.
4.6 stars – 20 Reviews
Text-to-Speech and Lending: Enabled
Here’s the set-up:

Amelia’s normal teen world is shattered when a terrifying nightmare awakens the monster inside her. A newfound, insatiable thirst for blood that leads her to drain the school quarterback is only the beginning; she’s horrified to discover that her family and best friend Kendrick have been harboring the secret all along. And is the strangely alluring boy who seems hell-bent on curbing her murderous, blood-filled desires a friend, or foe?

To escape detection Amelia and her twin brother Dorian are forced to move to a new town, and the challenge of a new, exclusive high school where nearly every classmate smells like prey. Including the irresistible Ty, who seems hauntingly familiar, yet darkly menacing…

Amelia’s disturbing dreams and entanglement in a web of forbidden romance render her increasingly powerless against the chilling lies and secrets of vampire power struggles. And, as she soon discovers, vampire politics mixed with outlawed love can be a lethal cocktail.

Falling in love may just cost Amelia everything — her friends, her family…even her life.

Please note: This book contains sexual situations and some strong language.

5-star praise for What Lies Inside:

An awesome read!!

“…this book hooked me. I read it in one sitting and anticipate the next book! It has strong characters, an intriguing and compelling story, passion, suspense…”
Amazing!!! Absolutely loved it!!!
“…Amelia is awesome and I loved her from the start. Ty, the main love interest, is great too…There is a ton of action in this story and plenty of intrigue. …I can’t wait for the next one in the series.”

an excerpt from

What Lies Inside

by J. L. Myers

 

Copyright © 2014 by J. L. Myers and published here with her permission

CHAPTER ONE

My mind screamed for me to move. To fight the monster who trapped me with its arms. But my body remained paralyzed, a prisoner of flesh and bone. It wasn’t fear. I knew that much. Inside I was striking out with limbs, nails, and teeth. But any connection to actual movement was lost. My whole body felt like it was filled with cement.

Parted lips closed in on my neck. My eyes darted around, desperate to find a way out of this. Darkness stretched beyond the waning light of a naked bulb. There was a single door, then nothing but damp stone and shadow. The stink of death and decay hung thick in the air. Horror seeped through my veins.

There was nothing I could do. No way to stop this. No way to save my life.

The sound of labored breath rasped. Not my own. Not this monster’s. In the shadows it was impossible to see where it came from. Was someone watching? Fear snaked through my soul. The fear wasn’t for my own life, not really. I was afraid for someone else. But who?

Any thoughts vanished as fangs punctured my flesh. A gasp escaped my lips.

Flames bloomed from the punctures, swarming across my skin. The monster clutched my body tighter and tighter with every sickening gulp.

As the flames began to dull, my internal screams and my drive to fight faded. Without the current of blood filling my veins, violent shivers took hold of my entire body.

My body was giving up.

With shallow contractions, my heart slowed. My mind wavered as my body began to fail. The crushing pain of imminent death faded. As my eyes fluttered shut, a memory of the boy I loved floated across the backs of my eyelids. I saw his dejected expression. I felt the moment he had crushed me against his body, covering my lips with his. Then I heard the words he had spoken for the very first time. “Amelia, I love you.”

An icy tear escaped my eye. Now he would never know the truth. Never know that my feelings for him were still as irrefutable and irrevocable as ever. Never know that I would give anything just to be in his arms and feel the warmth of his kiss one last time. The realization was more agonizing than knowing my fate now, more agonizing than any lingering pain.

I love you too. The memory faded, dissipating like a cloud of smoke.

The room began to blur and spin. Unable to blink, my eyes stared up at the dusty light bulb. Blood loss pressed in on me. I was so deathly cold. The edge of my vision turned black, light being eaten away by a stain like blotted ink. Then empty darkness took hold.

This is it, I thought. I’m dying.

~

My head rocked upright, and my neck cried out in pain. Sweat beaded down my face and stuck my hair to the back of my neck. Panic tightened my chest, making it difficult to breathe. Had I been asleep?

I blinked against the glare of my laptop. I was in my bedroom, sitting in the dark at my desk. The website tour dates for my favorite band, Three Days Grace, were still coloring the screen. Dreaming? For the life of me, I couldn’t remember. Now a new sensation was unfurling in my stomach, an unyielding hunger that tugged at me from the inside.

The time on the laptop screen was 9:33PM. I ate dinner two hours ago; I shouldn’t be hungry. Yet I couldn’t ignore the pain, the yearning that grew stronger by the second.

Pulling away from my desk, I tiptoed from my bedroom down the blacked-out hallway. Mom and Uncle Caius were sitting on the couch in the dark living room. The glow of the TV cast blue light across their serious faces. I snuck past the doorway just in time to hear…

Authorities are stumped over what appears to be the third vicious animal attack this month, leaving the most recent victim—a young man—dead, his body almost entirely drained of blood…

The television announcement faded as I entered the kitchen. The unlit space was just as it had been left, with the marble counter tops spotlessly cleanno doubt thanks to Mom. I rummaged through the pantry, ripping into boxes of cookies, cake mix, and anything I deemed even remotely edible, which included a large bite of a raw onion. Still, nothing sated my wrenching hunger. In fact, everything I had unthinkingly shoved into my mouth, even the mint biscuits that were usually my favorites, seemed as tasteless as cardboard. Still, I couldn’t ignore the grinding in my gut, the need to feed, so I backtracked to the fridge. The sight of vegetables, juice, milk, and cheese swelled a creeping nausea inside. Then I noticed a tray of raw and bloody steaks.

Saliva flooded my mouth as sharp pain prickled my gums. Entranced, I snatched the tray from the glass shelf and tore back the plastic film. The meat was cold and squishy in my hand, but that didn’t put me off. I ripped into the cold flesh and my tongue cheered at the taste. It was better than anything I’d ever eaten, even better than chocolate. Its sweet, metallic flavor was hypnotizing. The world around me began to fade. I tore off another chunk as a moving shadow caught my eye.

“Amelia Athobry-Lamont,” my mom’s voice cut through the haze like an arrow. She was the only one who ever used my full name, and only when I was in deep trouble. It was a mash-up of hers and my dead father’s last names. The lights beamed on. “What in the world are you doing?”

My limbs retracted, muscles tightening and shoulders hunching. The hunger that had come on so quickly and forcefully, dissipated. Startled confusion spun through my mind. The pounding of my heart was so fast, so persistent. I glanced down at the shredded steak hanging limp in my hands. What the hell was I doing?

“Amelia.” Uncle Caius’s strong voice approached from behind. His hand found my shoulder, forcing me to turn.

My eyes darted down to my feet, cocooned within my purple-laced black Vans. I couldn’t look at him, the man who was so close to being the father I’d never had. He’d think I was crazy.

Uncle Caius lifted my chin, tilting my face upward as Mom stepped behind him. The age lines of his face deepened with worry.

Mom gasped and her pale complexion whitened. “You said this wouldn’t happen,” she directed at my uncle with a surprising tone drenched in accusation.

Uncle Caius shook his head, eyes saddened. “You knew there was a chance. Even after all we did.” He released my chin and turned to Mom, his tone becoming sharp. “We should have told them sooner, prepared them for this.”

Prepared? Wouldn’t happen? Tremors caused my clenched hands to shake. “Should have told us what?”

“No, no, no!” Mom spun on the spot and paced toward the kitchen table, violently shaking her head. “It’s their birthday in a week. I will not ruin their lives now. This can wait.”

She was talking about my brother Dorian and me. She had to be. It was our 16th birthday in just over a week. But what could be so damning that it would ruin our lives?

Uncle Caius reached out and pried the bloody steak from my clenched fingers, then dropped it into the deep, round sink. He lifted his hand as if to ruffle his salt and pepper hair before lowering it, seeming to remember that it was sticky with animal blood. “Lamayli,” he exhaled, pointedly looking at Mom. “This will not ruin their lives, and you know it cannot wait. It is far too dangerous.”

Dangerous? My head swam and my mind screamed for me to run, to avoid whatever they were about to reveal. Would they tell me I was crazy? Say that this wasn’t the first incident? Explain in calm tones that I was losing my rational mind? I fought the need to bolt. My voice escaped in a choke. “T-tell me.”

Mom turned on her toes, somehow regaining her natural grace. Her head stopped shaking and tears were now falling from her electric-blue eyes. “Alright,” she breathed. The word was so soft I barely heard it. Her eyes rose to my uncle. “Go get Dorian. If we’re doing this, I only want to do it once.”

Uncle Caius left with a nod, his quiet footsteps remaining audible as he went to retrieve my brother. My wide eyes turned on Mom, needing answers and unable to wait, but she wouldn’t look at me. Instead her eyes were downcast with one hand clutching the edge of the table.

Moments later Uncle Caius re-emerged. Dorian tailed behind with chocolate colored bed head and bloodshot eyes, probably from online prowling for tail in the dark. Mom lowered herself into the seat heading the table and motioned for us all to follow. Dorian raised a questioning eyebrow at me. Guilt-ridden, I shrugged, not having any of the answers he needed just as much as I did. Blood roared through my ears as I glanced at Mom. She’d begun drumming her French-tipped nails against the hardwood of the dining table.

“So, what’s with the family meeting?” Dorian questioned, curious but clearly unconcerned.

Uncle Caius cleared his throat. “I can tell them, Lamayli.”

Mom’s face shot up, lightning fast, causing me to jump. “No! Please. Let me. I want them to hear it from me.”

Our uncle nodded and Mom sucked in a ragged breath. “I didn’t want to tell you this way,” she said glancing from Dorian to me. “But Caius is right. After what we’ve witnessed tonight, it is clear I cannot shelter this from either of you any longer.” Mom laid her head in her hands, rubbing slow circles over her temples.

“Have we done something wrong?” Dorian questioned.

I knew the answer would be no, of course we hadn’t. But I had. I’d done something sick, something crazy. Perhaps she thought Dorian would too. But why?

“No,” Mom replied. She lifted her head and looked at us through glazed eyes. “None of this is either of your faults. I need you both to remember that.” Her words died then with a spluttering sob.

“Your mother and I never wanted to hurt either of you,” Uncle Caius spoke for her. He placed a cold hand over mine. “We thought we could stave off the transformation, possibly forever. However we can see that it has already begun in you, Amelia. It is only a matter of time before Dorian develops the thirst, too.”

Dorian voiced the question I was too terrified to ask. “The thirst?”

“Yes sweetheart.” Mom lifted bloodshot eyes to my brother. “Your sister’s body is developing a need for blood, blood that must be consumed. Soon yours will, too.”

I felt my stomach turn at the word consumed, remembering the taste of the bloody steak. In the same instant, my mouth watered and a familiar sensation danced across my gums. Praying for a rational explanation, I went to talk, to ask if what we had was some form of rare blood disorder.

But my words choked back when Dorian’s eyes widened in a look of sheer horror. He shot to his feet. “What the hell!”

Uncle Caius’s hand tightened over mine. “Sit down, Dorian. Amelia would never harm you.”

Harm him? The words caused my mind to boggle.

“But her teeth!” Dorian exclaimed, pointing while bouncing on the balls of his feet. I’d never even seen him look worried before, but right now he looked seriously scared, ready to bolt.

With all eyes on me, I fearfully raised a hand to my mouth. My fingers grazed over sharpened canines that protruded from my gums.

Oh my god, I was a freak! Hyperventilating, I freed my other hand from Caius’s grip and jumped to my feet, kicking back my chair. “What’s wrong with me?”

Dorian froze, still as a statue, his terrified eyes locked on me. Mom spluttered in desolation.

Yet Uncle Caius remained calm. He rose from his seat, turning slowly to face me. “Amelia, sit back down. We will explain everything.”

I shook my head, taking a step back. “No. Tell me now!”

Mom wiped away her tears and sniffed. “You’re both…” She paused, looking like she might be physically sick. “We’re…”

“Vampires,” Uncle Caius spoke gently. “We are all vampires.”

Dorian let out a nervous laugh. “You’re joking, right? This is a pre-birthday prank. And those,” he said pointing at my fangs, “are fake. Good one, you seriously had me going for a second there.”

I stared across the table with vacant eyes. “This can’t be. It’simpossible.”

“C’mon Amelia,” Dorian went on, the confidence in his voice waning. “The charade is up.”

Tears stung my eyes as anger began to boil inside of me. “This isn’t a charade!” The callousness in my hissed words startled us both.

Dorian’s wavering smile finally vanished, replaced by an expression of total fear.

The way he, Mom, and Uncle Caius were staring enraged me further. Watching them I knew the truth; I was a monster. In blinding fury I launched myself across the kitchen and onto the counter, crouching like a wild animal. I ripped the bloody steak from the sink and tore into it with my fangs. “See!” I screamed, raising the shredded meat above my head. “Does this look like a joke?”

Dorian gagged and backed up, hitting the bay window. Mom simply stared, wide-eyed.

“Amelia, let us explain.” Uncle Caius stepped toward me. “Just take a deep breath and try to calm down.”

“Calm down? Calm down!” My breathing was fast and ragged. The room was beginning to spin. Whatever was happening to me was their fault. It had to be. My lungs began to ache. I couldn’t breathe. I needed air. Even more than that, I needed to get out of here. I needed to be far away from them with their expressions of pitying fear. “You made me a monster. I hate you for this!”

I launched from the marble counter, shot through the hallway and escaped out the front door. The cool night air hit me as my feet pounded the gravel driveway. A spray of white snow kicked up behind me. I could feel my muscles lengthening and retracting like tightly coiled springs, pushing me forward at an inhuman speed. Houses flew past in a monochrome blur. My eyes focused only in front of me. Freezing wind whipped passed my face and into my eyes. In the t-shirt and jeans I was wearing, the wind chill should have bit into my skin. Should have, but didn’t. I wasn’t even cold. These changes inside me further confirmed my fears. They were telling the truth. I was a…vampire.

I shook the ridiculous word from my mind and focused on the pavement as the balls of my feet hit harder and faster. I knew my intended destination. The night club my best friend, Kendrick, visited every Friday when he wasn’t off snowboarding. Right now I needed his support, and hoped for his undying loyalty. Seething fear surged adrenaline through my body and gripped me from within. What if he thought I was a monster too? Imagining his reaction terrified me. How could he accept this…this living nightmare I was becoming?

The passing houses fell behind me, replaced by commercial strips. I pushed myself faster still, keeping to the shadows and somehow passing with ease the moving cars on the streets. I pulled to an abrupt halt after taking a shortcut through an unlit alley. To the right was the club’s entrance, with a bright flashing neon sign above the doorway. Pulse.

A solid-built bouncer manning the door caught sight of me as I neared. “ID?” It was clear from his smirking expression that he knew I was underage.

I gulped, shrugging my shoulders. “Please, I just need to find my friend.”

The bouncer’s smirk thinned into a humorless line. “No ID, no entry.”

Like an irritating itch you can’t quite reach, his radiating aura of authority angered me. I squared my shoulders and clenched my jaw, staring him down. “Let me in.”

The bouncer’s superior expression faltered. He blinked once, then slowly pulled back the velvet robe and stood aside. I darted through the entry, so relieved to be inside that I didn’t stop to question his split-second change in attitude.

The pulsing music hit me first, sending shock wave vibrations through my body and painfully though my ears. The smell, like walking straight into a brick wall, hit me second. Salt, body odor, alcohol, and a scent I’d never experienced before tonight: blood. My mouth watered while the other scents made me want to gag. Trying to ignore the draw of that new scent, I pushed myself away from the gyrating bodies on the strobe-lit dance floor and over to the bar. The scents dulled as my distance grew.

With a ragged breath, I slid onto one of the bar stools, scanning the busy crowd for Kendrick. Please be here.

A guy’s strong cologne hit me even before he spoke. But it wasn’t Kendrick. It was Joel Nickel, a senior and, as star quarterback, the king of our school. “Hey, hot stuff,” he began with slurred speech then paused. “Hey, I know you. You’re a sophomore, Amily or something?” He smiled and winked. “Fake ID huh? Planning to get messy and have some fun tonight?”

Part of me was thrilled that the superstar of our school was even acknowledging my existence. The other part just wanted him to leave so I could scope out Kendrick. “Amelia,” I said, and turned to the bar, hoping he’d get a clue and leave me the hell alone. He didn’t.

Instead, he took a step closer. “Come on babe, how’s about a drink?”

He was too close, standing only an inch from me. I could smell his blood under the astringent cologne, and worse than that, I could hear his quickening pulse.

“No!” I snapped, muscles twitching, aching with thirst. “Go away.”

Joel chuckled, amused. “Playing hard to get?” He inclined his lips to graze my ear. “I like a challenge.”

His alcohol-drenched breath beat against my neck, sending a ripple down my spine. I could hear the blood pumping faster and louder through his body. Too close. Too freaking close!

That already too-familiar tingle danced across my gums. My mouth salivated. I went to move, to force myself away from him before I became the monster from my favorite Skillet song. His hand caught my shoulder, and it was more than I could take. His scent was now stronger, moving with arousal through his veins.

No longer in controlno longer even myselfI spun on the spot and whispered, “Dark and secluded…”

A victorious smile tugged at Joel’s lips. He curled an arm around my waist, pulling me from the bar. We passed the partygoers and slipped out the back door and into the dark alley. Urine and wafting smells of garbage from a nearby dumpster coupled the scent of his blood.

Joel turned to face me. But I was faster. My hands shot up to his shoulders, nails digging in as I drove him back against the brick wall.

He chuckled, amused. “A fiery one… I knew it.”

His complete lack of awareness to the threat before him angered and excited me. The option to stop, to walk away, was long gone. The thirst had taken over. His hands found my waist and traveled up, forcing their way beneath the fabric of my t-shirt.

Disgusted by his touch, I jerked his back off the wall then slammed him back against the bricks. “Don’t move!”

Joel’s hands dropped obediently and he smiled. “You’re the boss.”

His words evoked a broad smile across my face. Too broad, I realized, as his own smile fell. His eyes widened in shocked disbelief. “What the fuck?”

Moving at lightning speed, I clamped a hand over his mouth and forced his face to the side. I pressed my other hand against his chest, pinning him to the wall. His arms flailed, but it was no use. I was stronger. My eyes zeroed in on a fat vein pulsing along his neck. Then instinct took over. My teeth plunged into his flesh. The warm, metallic taste of his blood filled my mouth. It was an entrancing flavor coupled by the sound of his racing pulse.

A moan of pleasure escaped his lips and his muscles relaxed. His resistance had ceased. That’s when I noticed it. His heart was slowing. The blood loss… I’m killing him. Part of me cried to release him, to not be the monster my uncle and mom had claimed me to be. But I couldn’t stop. I didn’t want to.

When his body slumped against me, my strength somehow kept him pinned. Death was close. Still, I couldn’t stop. Not now. Not yet. Not when something buried so deep within me was awakening.

The smells of the alley soared, muddling together in their intensity to become indiscernible. And I could hear…everything: stray drops of rain hitting puddles, rats gnawing on discarded rubbish. Then something else reached my ears, something quieter. Footsteps?

A blur shot from the shadows. Something as hard as concrete connected with my arm, ripping me from my victim. Then I was flying backwards through the air as Joel crumpled to the ground. I connected with a thud against the adjacent wall before falling in a heap on the uneven asphalt. Instantly, the spell of Joel’s blood was broken. The reality of what I had just done spun like a maelstrom through my mind. I’d killed him!

Tears plagued my eyes, spilling down my face and tinting my sight rose-colored. I swiped at them, but stalled. Blood was smeared across the back of my hands. Crying blood?

I barely had time to wonder how that was possible when the intruder’s towering shadow closed in on me. He clutched something in his hand that glinted silver with the escaping moonlight. A weapon? I blinked up through tear-filled eyes, knowing my life was about to end. With heavy clouds blocking the moonlight again, and through my distorted vision, I could barely make out his dark features. “Kill me,” I sniffed, letting my bloody tears stream down my face like a waterfall. “I’m a fucking monster!”

The boy with hair black as night faltered, pausing right before me. The hand holding the weapon stalled. “You want to die?”

CHAPTER TWO

The alley door to the club burst open and suddenly Kendrick was standing there, his face stricken, golden-brown hair damp with sweat and plastered to his forehead. I felt relieved and mortified all at the same time. He’d never accept me now.

My eyes shot back to the boy who had torn me from my victim, the boy who had faltered in killing me. The damp and stained asphalt in front of me was empty. The boy had vanished without a sound.

Kendrick’s eyes darted around. Yet he somehow missed poor dead Joel crumpled in the shadows. He knelt to cup my face with his hands. “Are you okay? Tell me what happened.”

Certain that blood stained my cheeks, lips, and chin, I struggled to force my tear-stung eyes up to meet his. Fear swooned beneath my ribs and my heart fluttered. My victim, the unknown attacker, and Kendrick seeing the disgusting creature I had become; it was all too much. Sobbing, I lifted a shaking hand in the direction of Joel. “I killed him!”

Kendrick’s eyes didn’t reveal the fear I so dreadfully expected. Instead they softened as he got to his feet. He crossed the alley and crouched before Joel, raising a finger to his throat. “He’s not dead.”

A wave of relief washed down my entire body, as cool as the water of a breaking wave. I began to stand. But before I could make my way to Kendrick, he raked tense fingers down Joel’s chest. His nails cut like knives through Joel’s shirt, leaving scarlet ribbons across his skin.

“Kendrick, stop!”

Joel stirred, his eyes darting past Kendrick to settle on me. Mortal fear contorted his face. “Keep that psycho bitch away from me!”

Kendrick shook the guy aggressively, forcing his attention from me. He spoke in a low and commanding voice. “You were attacked by a rabid dog. We saved your life.”

Joel’s face dropped before his eyes rolled back in his head. Then as quickly as he’d come to, his body slumped, unconscious.

“What happened?” I cried, panic threatening to drown me. “What’d you do to him?”

Ignoring me, Kendrick took Joel by the ankle and swung him over his shoulder, as if he weighed no more than a rag doll. “Amelia, I need you to stay here. I’ll be right back.”

Swaying with body-draining confusion, I stared after Kendrick as he walked up toward the street. Cars flashed by, and his footsteps were audible even as he rounded the corner. What the hell is going on? Kendrick was lean muscled, not a body builder. How did he lift Joel like that? With my eyes frozen on the street, I began pacing, needing to move to keep upright. Why isn’t he scared of me? How can he be so freaking calm? And what the hell did he do to Joel?

Kendrick bounded back down the alley, shoving his iPhone into the pocket of his checkered shirt. Remembering the blood staining my face, I frantically tried to wipe away the evidence.

Unmoved by my appearance, Kendrick collected my hand and pulled me in the opposite direction of the street. “Your mother is frantic. I need to get you home.”

“What? How do you…”

“Caius called,” Kendrick said, cutting me off. “They guessed you were coming to find me.”

I planted my feet, and almost tripped on a crack in the sidewalk before yanking Kendrick to an abrupt halt. “Wait,” I demanded. “What’s going on? What happened back there? And why aren’t you terrified of me? I attacked the freaking quarterback. I tried to kill him!”

Kendrick turned to face me, hand squeezing mine. “I could never be afraid of you, Amelia. None of this is your fault.”

A shocking revelation hit me like a cold hard slap to the face. “You knew?”

Kendrick smiled and pulled me into a hug. “Yes. I’ve always known.”

“But how?” I pulled away. “How can you know that I’m a…”

“A vampire?” He clasped my hand and pulled me forward, continuing to walk. “Because,” he said in a soft and gravelly voice. “I can pick my own.”

A sickening shiver ran down the length of my body, chilling me to the bone. Kendrick was a vampire? My initial instinct was to pull away from him. To run screaming, back up the sidewalk to the busy street of partygoers and music-pumping cars. But this was Kendrick, a reasoning voice inside my head whispered. He would never hurt me. Trying to hide my fear, I asked, “You kill people?”

“No,” he replied, almost looking offended by my question. “And you don’t have to, either.”

With Kendrick forcing me along at a ridiculous speed, we covered most of the way home in silence. Betrayal clouded my emotions. Mom and Uncle Caius had lied to me all these years. Even worse than that was Kendrick’s betrayal. He was my best friend. The same boy I’d known since grade school, the only person to befriend me when we moved to Anchorage, Alaska. When he’d left for private school, our friendship had grown stronger, with every weekend spent together. He’d taken me hiking and snowboarding. He’d even taught me how ride a motorbikebecause one day I would have my own. We’d ironically watched supernatural movies in my room until the break of dawn on countless frosty mornings. I’d always felt drawn to those types of movies and shows. I’d always felt different, like I didn’t really belong, except when I was around Kendrick. But I’d never fantasized about actually being any type of monster. Normal would have been just fine. And Kendrick had known this entire time that I would one day become what he already was…a vampire?

My mind spun with everything that had happened tonight, flooded by endless questions. How did this happen? Why did this happen? My thoughts shifted to the boy who had interrupted my kill. Who was he? And where did he disappear to? In the end, I settled for what I hoped would be the simplest question. “Kendrick,” I said, receiving a questioning look from him. “How did this all happen? How did we become…” It felt ridiculous to say the word out-loud, “vampires?

Kendrick’s silvery-blue eyes stared ahead as we passed under draping maples, their leaves littering the sidewalk. “I was born this way, a Pure Blood like your uncle, as was my mother and grandfather and so on. We’re considered royalty, the only ones among vampires able to procreate. The truth was never hidden from me. I knew what to expect.”

After a long nervous pause, I dared to ask, “So, I was born this way, too?”

Kendrick shook his head and slowed his pace. We had just rounded a familiar corner lined with parked cars, and were closing in on my house. “No. Well, not exactly. I think I should let your mother explain. She’s waiting inside with your uncle and Dorian.” We crunched over the snow-littered driveway and mounted the front steps. “Are you ready?”

Instinct dared me to bolt. But I couldn’t. It was time to learn the truth of how this all began. “I think so.” I paused and pleaded with my eyes. Kendrick had always taken my over-reactions with a light heart. He could diffuse my volatile temper, usually with just a single word or look. Right now I needed him, his support and undying loyalty. “Will you stay, please?”

Kendrick slung his arm around my shoulder and pulled me close. “There’s nowhere else I’d rather be.”

Once inside and within the comforting curve of Kendrick’s arm, we entered the living room. A few glowing lamps and a crackling open fire spread a warm hue over the space. Any other time, the setting would have been inviting. But the brooding tension of everyone inside was palpable. I sucked in a nervous breath and followed Kendrick to the couch.

Mom sat across the room in her usual spot, a green armchair. Her back was straight and her shoulders were drawn back. Uncle Caius was at her side with one hand resting atop her shoulder. She had been crying, even more than before. Her eyes were puffy and bloodshot, the delicate skin of her face blotchy.

Dorian was perched on the arm of a matching couch. It bordered the wall closest to the entry and sat squared before a black-painted coffee table. The muscles along his bare arms and neck were taut, and his hands were curled into fists. His wary blue eyes shifted to me. They were rimmed with dark lashes, matching his hair. “I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I shouldn’t have reacted that way. Your fangs, they ugh, just…surprised me.”

I forced a smile and dropped down beside him, reaching over to squeeze his knee. His muscles twitched. I pulled my hand away, as fast as if I’d reached into the naked flames of the open fire. No matter what he said, it was clear he still feared me. “It’s okay,” I said, trying without success not to feel wounded by his reaction. “I would have flipped out, too.”

Uncle Caius cleared his throat from across the room. “It’s time, Lamayli,” he directed to our mom. The shadows of the room emphasized his grave expression, while darkening his salt and pepper hair.

Mom took a deep, chest-raising breath then exhaled, clutching her hands together. “What I am about to say isn’t easy. Nevertheless the time for sheltering you both has come and gone. Do you remember the story I told you of how your father died?”

I nodded, and beside me Dorian did too. From a young age Mom had explained our father’s death as a break-in that went horribly wrong. She had described him as a heroic man who had challenged the intruder to protect his family. The tragic result was his death.

“Well,” she went on. Her hands were clutched so tight that her French tip nails dug into the backs of her hands. “The details of that story are not entirely correct.”

Kendrick’s hand found mine. Dorian slid off the arm of the couch to sit beside me. Apparently he was more consumed by Mom’s words than his need to keep at a safe distance.

“There was an intruder,” Uncle Caius spoke firmly while squeezing Mom’s shoulder. “Though he was not a man committing a break-in. He was not even human.”

Gaining visible strength from Uncle Caius’s touch, Mom sat up even straighter. “I was pregnant with you both at the time. Your father fought heroically, but the creature’s strength was too great.”

Hearing our mom talk about our father and seeing the sparkle of tears in the corner of her eyes tugged at my heart. She never mentioned him. Over the years she’d always refused to answer any of our questions. We had never even seen a photograph. The only sliver of information we had was that his surname was Athobry. Now I knew why. The memory of the man she had loved so deeply, and lost so horrifically, was just too agonizing to relive.

“He died protecting us?” Dorian’s strained voice emerged beside me.

“Yes sweetheart,” Mom nodded. “But it wasn’t enough to save us. The creature was a rogue vampire consumed by bloodlust. Not unlike the thirst you experienced tonight,” she said, eyes shifting to me in a way that turned my stomach. “He turned on me next. I was left for dead and bleeding out. If not for Caius, we would have all died there.” She glanced up at our uncle with a look of adoration. “He gave us new life when the only alternative was death.”

Mom’s words spun through my head, painting bloody images of that night. I saw the fanged monster. His chin was covered in blood, his burning red eyes prowling for more. The thing nightmares were made of. I could see my mom with a ballooning belly. She was screaming over a lifeless body. The father I’d never known. I imagined him as an older replica of Dorian, with dark hair and chiseled features. Tacky, dark blood coated him. Yet something more than the visualization bothered me. How could Uncle Caius have saved us? A conflicting theory edged its way into my mind. It was the only explanation that could work in with everything Mom was claiming.

“You’re not really our uncle?” I searched Uncle Caius’s dull, silvery eyes for confirmation.

He shook his head, pursing his lips. “No, Amelia. I am not your biological uncle. Though I have always cared for and loved you both,” he said glancing from me to Dorian, “as I would my own flesh and blood.”

“But how could you save us?” Dorian questioned.

Uncle Caius clasped his hands in front of him. He walked forward, casting a long shadow as he perched on the edge of the coffee table. “In the vampire community, murder is against the law.”

Bile spiked my throat at the word murder. I had almost killed Joel to fulfill the thirst raging inside of me, the bloodlust.

Caius caught my worried expression and took my free hand in his. “Breaks in our laws are closely monitored. I had been hunting the assailant and caught up to his scent. I forced my way inside, but it was already too late. Your father was dead, and your mother was hanging between life and death. I had only moments to act, to make a decision.”

“A decision?” Disbelief colored my tone. “You considered letting us die?”

Uncle Caius’s expression rippled with guilt. But his voice wasn’t the one to offer insight.

“He went against The Council,” Kendrick explained. “Turning children into vampires has long been outlawed. They are much too difficult to control through the initial bloodlust.”

Kendrick’s knowledge and words shook me. I wanted to blame someone for the monster I was becoming, to seek vengeance for this curse. But I couldn’t. We were all still alive and breathing because of Caius. He had gone against their laws to give us new life. He was our savior and our creator. And he had been there since that first day, catering to our wants, doting on us like any wealthy and caring uncle would. He was family. The only living family we had.

“It was a risk to disrespect The Council,” Uncle Caius added. His eyes glazed with a look of distant memory. “But I couldn’t leave your mother to die like that. So with only moments to spare I tore you from her womb and infected you all with my blood. Even then, death could have claimed each of you. Only half of those infected live, while the others reject the change and die.” Pride stole the glaze from his eyes. “But you were both fighters, so strong, so determined to live.”

“But why is this bloodlust,” Dorian’s voice caught over the word, “only occurring now?”

I remembered Mom and Caius speaking cryptically, after discovering me gnawing into the bloody steak. You knew there was a chance even after all we did, Caius had said. “You did something to us,” I stated accusingly.

“I begged him to,” Mom cried, wrapping her arms tight around her waist. “I was eternally grateful for our second chance at life, of course I was. Still I would never have chosen this life for either of you.”

“Up until now,” Uncle Caius said, releasing my hand to move back to Mom’s side. He patted her shoulder in an effort to calm her down. “The ancient remedy I gave you and Dorian staved off the transformation, culled your thirst. We hoped it would halt the turning process completely. Though we have all witnessed it tonight. The effects are diminishing. You should expect your thirst to become stronger, and your strength and speed to increase.”

“You may also develop an allergy to the sun, like me,” Mom interrupted.

Caius cleared his throat and Mom looked up. There seemed to be a warning in his eyes. “We do not know that yet, Lamayli.” With a sigh he looked back to Dorian and me. “In the end, you will both become full-fledged vampires. It is only a matter of time.”

A wave of dread washed down my body. This is only the beginning? I had already lost control once. I thought of the disappearing boy again. If not for him, I would have killed Joel. It was only a matter of time before I did it again.

Kendrick cleared his throat and squeezed my hand. “Ms. Lamont, Lord Bathory,” he said looking at my mom and uncle, “there’s something we need to tell you.”

Instantly my stomach lurched. The metallic taste of Joel’s blood reared up my throat. I knew what Kendrick wanted to say. He was going to tell them. Tell them I’d attacked and almost killed a guy from school. Shallow breath caused my lungs to ache. I couldn’t bear for them to know. Couldn’t bear to see their staring expressions, seeing the monster I was fast becoming. “Kendrick, don’t!”

He squeezed my hand again, which did little to calm the nerves searing through my body. “It’s okay,” he whispered. “They’ll understand.”

Throwing Kendrick’s hand aside, I jumped to my feet. “Understand!” I shrieked. With a single bound I cleared the coffee table, smacking my knee before backing up to the wall. My body cast a menacing shadow. It grew so large that it covered Dorian and the framed, family portrait above his head. “How will they understand that I almost killed the freaking quarterback!”

Floored by my own lips’ betrayal, my hands shot up to cover my mouth. My eyes scoured the room. Dorian sat as still as a statue, eyes wide and face a sickly shade of green. Kendrick looked ready to step in and restrain me, with one arm braced against the coffee table.

Within my chest my heart was leaping. My hands curled into fists at my sides. The need to bolt was drowning me, but I couldn’t move. Fear kept me frozen stiff.

Mom rose to her feet and walked slowly toward me. With shaky arms outstretched, she looked like she was attempting to soothe a wild animal. Uncle Caius stood watching, not quite on edge, but in quiet preparation. It was clear nobody was about to let me flee.

The feel of being caged like an animal shattered my fear. Mobility flooded back to my limbs. I went to run, but Mom’s arms, so gentle and yet so strong, curled around me. “It’s alright, Amelia. It wasn’t your fault. All these things you’re feeling are normal. Being a vampire does that, everything’s heightened.”

Screaming and grunting, I thrashed against her. Mom’s grip held tight, never giving an inch. Long minutes passed and still I was trapped. With exhaustion smothering my need to escape, the weight and conviction of her words began to sink in. I suddenly stopped struggling and hung my head. “Mom, I’m sorry. I didn’t hear…”

“Shh,” Mom soothed, loosening her grip around me. She ran a hand down my back, smoothing my long, blond hair. “It’s alright.” When she released me, I saw her face. It wasn’t filled with the sorrow and fear of earlier, but the strength and resolution of a woman now in control. “Amelia, I promise you can learn to control this.” She turned to face the others. “You will experience this, too, Dorian. And we will all get through this, together. But not here.” Radiating control with her shoulders drawn back, Mom moved back to her seat beside Caius. “We need time and seclusion, and the removal of temptation until you are both in control. We leave for the cabin, tomorrow.”

CHAPTER THREE

“Just a minute, Amelia,” Mom’s voice jarred me to a standstill on the porch.

Sheltered by the roofline’s shadow she produced a small cylindrical tube from the pocket of her designer sweats. After waiting up all night so she could see us off on our first day of school, she was ready to sleep through her first day. It was preparation for her new position at the Portsmouth Vampire Council, which began each weekday after twilight.

I snatched the tube from between her fingers and lifted it to eye level. “Nasal decongestant?” I questioned incredulously. “I just want to be invisible. But everyone is already going to be looking at the weird new girl. Now you want them to think I’m a dweeb too?”

“It’s menthol.” Mom shrugged. “I thought it might help distract your sense of smell.”

With a groan, I let Mom hug me. Then I retreated to the car, shoving the nasal tube into the glove box. There was no way in hell anyone was going to see me using that thing. Dorian was already in the driver’s seat, warming up the engine, as he always did.

“We’re not ready.” I glared at the opulent French mansionour new homeshrinking in the rear-view mirror. Apparently Uncle Caius had a lot more money than I’d realized.

It was a double-story, with a mixture of stone and beige-rendered walls, soaring windows, and high ceilings inside. Acres of green land surround its walls, back-bordered by a thick shelter of oaks. There was a stone-bordered gate that fronted the property, offering a scenic view of the rolling swells of Rye Beach. Just watching the mansion shrink as we drove away made me long for the cabin. There I had felt safe, from myself. This mansion was too big, too cold. It could never feel like home. It could never feel safe.

The move had been inevitable. Kendrick had brainwashed Joel into believing he’d been attacked by a rabid dog. Being a Pure Blood, his ability to compel was stronger than any turned vamp’s. Still, Mom and Uncle Caius were worried that me being anywhere near Joel would break the compulsion and endanger our secret lives. So they weren’t about to take any chances. Our destination had been decided with a job offer. Uncle Caius wanted Mom on the Vampire Council in Portsmouth. With a little encouragement, she’d agreed. It was one of many sub councils that operated around the world in service to The Armaya, the epicenter of vampire legislation and politics. As the only surviving Pure Blood of his lineage, our uncle held a seat there on The Armaya’s Royal Vampire Council. After that our move had been arranged to the small, sleepy town of Rye, bordering Portsmouth, New Hampshire.

More than six months had passed at the cabin. It was hundreds of miles from our old home in Anchorage, and hidden amongst the wilderness of the Alaska Range. As Caius had predicted, Dorian began the transformation soon after our retreat. I couldn’t hide my relief at his fading fear of me. We were one and the same, cut from the same cloth, and now we shared a secret. The thing we had become.

“We are ready,” Dorian countered. “And you heard Mom. We passed all the tests successfully.”

With an irritated breath, I turned and stared out the window as manicured trees fronting oversized, gated properties passed by. Yesterday Mom admitted to the tests she had planned to assess our self-control. I had been beyond pissed. Still, no amount of arguing could change her mind. Now Dorian’s laid-back attitude was beginning to grate on my nerves. I clenched and unclenched my hands. “So we didn’t attack and kill a few delivery men. So what? How does that compare to a classroom full of blood-pumping human bodies?”

“Amelia,” Dorian said, glancing in the vanity mirror backing the sun visor. He ran a hand through his thick, dark hair to re-shape it. “We’ll be fine.” He looked at me sideways and smiled. “You know, you’re stronger than you give yourself credit for.”

I crossed my arms over my chest, doubting Dorian’s faith in me. How could he truly believe that after everything that happened?

When we first relocated to the cabin, Mom and Kendrick had taught us to hunt. We started with herds of Caribou, graduating to more challenging prey like packs of wolves, and even the elusive mountain lion. Kendrick, between frequent snowboarding breaks, had come hunting too. But I had detested the whole process. How could honing our predatory instincts make us safer around humans? But as my natural desires took over, I became thrilled by the chase, my muscles snapping into action and my fangs ready and waiting. After each hunt, each kill, the thrill would dissipate, replaced by a body-shaking guilt. My speed, strength, and lust for blood proved beyond any and all doubt that I truly was a monster, and I always would be.

I took reprieve from one fact alone. Vampires weren’t immortal. Our lifespans were extended, but I wouldn’t forever be this bloodthirsty creature, a killer. One day I would die.

I pulled my New Student packet out of my bag and began memorizing my three-week class rotation and the school map. The last thing I wanted was to have to ask for directions.

A moment later Dorian turned off Ocean Boulevard onto the private, gated entrance of our new school, St. Volaras. It was the best private school in the area, holding over five hundred students. The size of the student body alone only unnerved me further. Today would be an assault of temptation from unknowing victims. And, if I did lose it, there would be countless witnesses that no amount of compulsion could cover up.

Dorian revved the engine of our turbo-charged Audi Cabriolet. He dropped back to second gear, following the line of high-end cars through the student parking lot. The A5 was a joint birthday present from our uncle Caius. It was a reward for coming so far in our ability to restrain.

Every part of me hated the car and everything it represented, everything it reminded me of. I glared at Dorian, knowing he’d revved the engine to draw attention. I hated that he was so confident and self-assured, when all I wanted to do was remain invisible.

Dorian ignored my glare and pulled into a spot rearing the lot, before jumping out of the car.

I sat without moving, wishing I could just disappear. Then Dorian poked his head back through the driver’s side door. “You can’t stay here all day.”

I bit the inside of my cheek. “Wanna bet?”

“C’mon,” Dorian said, rolling his eyes. “Don’t make me drag you to class kicking and screaming.”

Although his tone was joking, I didn’t doubt his threat. He was set on the idea of a normal life, and wasn’t about to let me mess that up for him. Cursing him under my breath, I snatched my bag from the back seat. Outside I yanked my hoodie over my head. It was my favorite jacket, black cotton with a detachable hood. If it had been made of leather it would have been perfect for riding a motorbike.

I got out of the car and froze. Students littered the parking lot. To me they resembled herding bovine, blissfully unaware and ripe for the picking. I groaned, picking up a scent that was all too familiar these days. Human blood. In the cool morning air it was faint, but still distinct.

“If I were you, I’d wipe that look off your face.” Dorian stepped in front of me, blocking my view of a group of preppy-looking girls. “People are beginning to stare.”

I looked away from the clustering students, refocusing on Dorian’s piercing silver-blue irises. They were now the same color as mine, and from what we’d been told, a consistent vampire trait. “What look?”

Dorian smiled, lips parting to reveal the points of his fangs. “That crazed, I’m so starving I could eat you, look.”

My jaw dropped then quickly clamped shut. I couldn’t even control my expression? There was no way I could do this!

“Yes you can.” Dorian clearly knew me too well. “Look, Amelia,” he said more seriously. “We can have a normal life. You can. This is just the first step. Will you just try, for me? You know I can’t do this without you.”

With a deep breath, I planted my hands on my hips. I knew Dorian was using emotional blackmail, but I caved anyway. “Okay. But if I kill anyone, I’m blaming you.”

Dorian roped his arm through mine and yanked me forward to walk alongside him. “Your murder is my condemnation. Got it.”

As we headed to the main building, I held my breath. My sight rose above the heads of surrounding students. The building was three levels of brick, with rectangular windows and tall glass doors. Dorian was already checking out the surrounding female members of the student body. I wasn’t beyond counting bricks for a distraction. Before I could begin, someone darted in front of us.

The boy’s scentif you could call him a boy, with his over-developed muscle massreached my nostrils instantly. It was fiery and sweet, and somehow different from any human’s I had ever picked up on. The urge to extend my fangs pulled at me from within. I swallowed, struggling to push the sensation back.

The boy edged forward. His tan face was frozen with a threatening scowl, and his hands curled into fists. “Go back to where you came from,” he snarled through tight lips. “You’re not welcome here.”

Dorian instinctively tensed and released my arm, ready to take action. But before he could even utter a word, the boy turned and stalked away.

Dorian shrugged his shoulders “What was that about?”

A startling realization struck me. “He could tell. He knows what we are.”

Dorian laughed, pulling me aside to let passing students through the main doors. “You take paranoia to a whole new level, sis.”

Certain belting him would draw attention I held back the urge. Instead I settled for a piercing look that I wished could kill, or at least inflict torturous pain. “I’m paranoid?”

Dorian waved his hands in a half-assed surrender. “C’mon, you know I didn’t mean it like that. That jerk is probably just a dumb jock, pumped up on steroids.”

I wasn’t convinced, but Dorian was already past the incident and busy catching the eye of a pretty girl. He glanced down at his watch. “Classes start in five. So go, get settled. I’ll see you at lunch.” He pushed me through the glass doors winking, before backing away in the opposite direction. “You’ll be fine. I promise.”

I sucked in a quick, deep breath and held it. My lungs ached in protest. Students swarmed the foyer. I pushed past them, bounding up the stairs to the second floor. Psychology was first up. I shot through the door to room 2.6, taking a vacant desk. It was by one of a handful of windows that lined the far wall. With my lungs contracting and on the verge of forcing me to breathe, I dumped my bag on the desk and threw open the glass barrier. Poking my head out into the cool autumn air, I sucked in a much needed ragged breath.

Whispers about the ‘new girl’, were hot on every student’s lips. Vampire hearing, lucky me! This day just kept getting better. They thought I was strange, a total weirdo. And who could blame them? I was acting like a freak!

Shrinking back into my seat, I kept my head down with my hoodie sheltering my face. My long hair hung as a solid barrier between me and them. The scent of fresh blood intensified as more and more students filled the classroom. There was nothing I could do in this setting to dull it. But I could drown out their chatter.

I pulled my iPod from my backpack, plugging the earbuds into my ears. It was jam-packed with music from all my favorite bands: Red, Skillet, Three Days Grace and Lifehouse, just to name a few. It used to have pop music too, but since discovering my darker side my taste in music had followed suit, and the urge to dance wildly in the privacy of my room no longer felt uplifting. In spite of that, I smiled. The cover was new, glossy purplemy favorite color, which in the right dark shade was nowhere near being girly pink, ick! It had been a parting gift from Kendrick who’d uploaded the new Three Days Grace album. My heart squeezed, wishing he were here.

Still able to scent the students, I stifled a groan. My arms coiled around my waist, nails pricking my sides and breaking the skin. The distraction helped, just enough to keep me cemented in my seat, until the classroom door opened again.

In an instant, the energy in the small room shifted. I removed my earbuds. The gossip on everyone’s lips had faltered.

Then it hit me. The same unique, fiery, sweet scent of blood I had encountered not five minutes earlier. No…not him again.

Against my better judgment, I brushed my hair behind my ears and dared to glance up. My world froze. Any remaining chatter became irrelevant as I stared on. Standing in the doorway was not the boy who had threatened Dorian and me. This boy had similarly colored satin-black hair, styled into messy, loose spikes. His charcoal V-neck shirt acted like a second skin, clinging to reveal a sculpted torso. The light from fluorescents bolted to the grated ceiling bounced off his bronzed arms, offering shadowed definition to his protruding biceps and numerous…scars? Nudging recognition tickled at the back of my subconscious. I couldn’t rip my eyes away. I’ve seen him before.

The boy caught sight of me as he entered the room, and stalled. His honey-glazed eyes, rimmed with iridescent green, widened.

Somehow able to move again, I averted my eyes. But it was already too late. I could hear the heavy steps of hunting boots closing in on me. A hard lump crawled up my throat and my heart-rate increased. The potency of his fiery scent soared. It invaded my lungs and made my mouth water. He was close, way too close. With a throat-constricting gulp, I tried and failed to force my lust for his blood back down. Then I blinked up to meet his curious gaze.

“Hi. You’re new.” His tone was steady, maybe even friendly. Yet there was visible conflict in his eyes.

“Uh huh,” I replied, as a telltale tingle ran along my gums. No, please. Not now. I could practically taste the hot sweetness of his blood on my tongue and hear the irregular beat of his strong pulse. A sequence of events flashed manically through my mind. I saw myself leaping over the desk in one swift move and sinking my now fully extended fangs into his neck. Control yourself! I pinned my lips together, concealing my fangs. My nails dug into the cushioned seat, acting as an anchor to stop me from acting out the deadly fantasy still reeling through my mind. For a second I longed for the nasal tube stashed back in the car.

“I’m Ty Malau,” he said, iridescent eyes narrowing at me.

Uncomfortable silence thickened the air as he watched me, waiting for a polite introduction. It was clear he had no plan to let me be until I spoke. So I looked away, covering my fanged mouth with one hand. Through my barricading fingers, I managed to croak out, “Amelia Athobry-Lamont.”

“It’s nice to finally meet you, Amelia,” Ty said.

My eyes shot back to his smiling face. Finally? There hadn’t been any kind of emphasis on the word, but something about it, or maybe even the sentence he’d used it in, bothered me. Was I reading too much into this? Something about him seemed so inexplicably familiar. But for the life of me, I couldn’t place him.

Ty motioned to the spare seat beside me with a scarred hand. “Mind if I sit?”

My tongue floated in a pool of expectant saliva and my hands began to tremble. They were still clutching the cushioned chair for dear life. The threat of release was growing. Please, just leave me alone. I knew if he didn’t walk away soon, I would lose all control. Ty shifted his weight from one leg to the other. I could almost feel the growth of anxiety rippling in waves off his body. Shit! I mentally slapped myself. I’m staring at him like he’s something to eat. Look away, dammit! With great strain, I forced my eyes away from his perfectly symmetrical features, and down onto my iPod, wishing again for Kendrick.

A quiet grunt emerged from Ty’s throat. “Never mind….”

His retreat to the other side of the clas

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Aislinn has walled herself off from anything that might make her feel again — until a wolf picks her for a bond mate and a Celtic god rises out of legend to claim her for his own.

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Here’s the set-up:
Resilient, kickass, and determined, Aislinn’s walled herself off from anything that might make her feel again. Until a wolf picks her for a bond mate and a Celtic god rises out of legend to claim her for his own.

Aislinn Lenear lost her anthropologist father high in the Bolivian Andes. Her mother, crazy with grief that muted her magic, was marched into a radioactive vortex by alien creatures and killed. Three years later, stripped of every illusion that ever comforted her, twenty-two year old Aislinn is one resilient, kickass woman with a take no prisoners attitude. In a world turned upside down, where virtually nothing familiar is left, she’s conscripted to fight the dark gods responsible for her father’s death. Battling the dark on her own terms, Aislinn walls herself off from anything that might make her feel again.

Fionn MacCumhaill, Celtic god of wisdom, protection, and divination has been laying low since the dark gods stormed Earth. He and his fellow Celts decided to wait them out. After all, three years is nothing compared to their long lives. On a clear winter day, Aislinn walks into his life and suddenly all bets are off. Awed by her courage, he stakes his claim to her and to an Earth he’s willing to fight for.

Aislinn’s not so easily convinced. Fionn’s one gorgeous man, but she has a world to save. Emotional entanglements will only get in her way. Letting a wolf into her life was hard. Letting love in may well prove impossible.

Praise for Earth’s Requiem:

Gutsy heroine & hot romance

“…a well-written, tightly edited novel in true urban fantasy style…The combination of science fiction elements with Celtic mythology makes this a truly unique story…”
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“…Think Sci-Fi meets Horror meets supernatural…the writing is excellent, it’s emotional, it’s captivating…”

an excerpt from

Earth’s Requiem

by Ann Gimpel

 

Copyright © 2014 by Ann Gimpel and published here with her permission

Prologue

Aislinn tried to stop it, but the vision that had dogged her for over a year played in her head. She squeezed her eyes shut tight. Mental images crowded behind her closed lids, as vivid as if they’d happened yesterday. She raked her hands through her hair and pulled hard, but the movie chronicling the beginning of her own personal hell didn’t even slow down. She whimpered as the humid darkness of a South American night closed about her…

Her mother screamed in Gaelic, “Deifir, Deifir,” and then shoved Aislinn again. She tried to hurry like her mother wanted, but it was all too much to take in. Stumbling down the steep Bolivian mountainside in the dark, tears streamed across Aislinn’s face. Snot ran from her nose. Her legs shook. Nausea made her gut clench. Her mother was crying, too, in between cursing the gods and herself. Aislinn knew enough Gaelic to understand her mother had tried to talk her father out of going to the ancient Inca prayer site, but Jacob hadn’t listened.

A vision of her father’s twisted body, lying dead a thousand feet above them, tore at Aislinn. Just a few hours ago, her life had been normal. Now her mother had turned into a grief-crazed harridan. Her beloved father, a gentle giant of a man, was dead. Killed by those horrors that had crawled out of the ground. Perfect, golden-skinned men with long, silky hair and luminous eyes, apparently summoned through the ancient rite linked to the shrine. Thinking about it was like trying to shove her hand into a flame, her pain too unbearable to examine closely.

Aislinn was afraid to turn around. Tara had already slapped her once. Another spate of Gaelic galvanized her tired legs into motion. Her mother was clearly terrified the monsters would come after them, though Aislinn didn’t think they’d bother. At least a hundred adoring half-naked worshippers remained at the shrine high on the mountain. Once Tara had herded her into the shadows, her last glimpse of the crowd revealed one of the lethal, exotic creatures turning a woman so he could penetrate her. Even in Aislinn’s near-paralyzed state, the sexual heat was so compelling, it took all her self-discipline not to race to his side and insist he take her instead. After all, she was younger, prettier— It didn’t matter at all that he’d just killed her father.

…Aislinn shook her head so hard it felt like her brains rattled from side to side in her skull. Despite the time that had passed since her father’s murder, she still fell into these damned trance states where the horror happened all over again. Tears leaked from her eyes. She slammed a fist down on a corner of her desk, glorying in the diversion pain created. Crying was pointless. It wouldn’t change anything. Self-pity an indulgence she couldn’t afford.

Pull it together, the weak die.

Even though she wasn’t sure why life felt so precious—after all, she’d lost nearly everything—Aislinn wanted to live. Would do anything to hang onto the vital thread that maintained her on Earth.

A bitter laugh bubbled up. What a transition: from Aislinn Lenear college student, to Aislinn Lenear fledgling magic wielder. A second race of alien beings, Lemurians, had stormed Earth on the heels of that hideous night in Bolivia, selecting certain humans because they had magical ability and sending everyone else to their deaths.

It was a process. It took time to kill people, but huge sections of Salt Lake City sat empty. Skyscraper towers downtown and rows of vacant buildings mocked a life that was no more. In her travels to nearby places before the gasoline ran out, Aislinn had found them about the same as Salt Lake.

Jacob’s death had merely been a harbinger of impending chaos—the barest beginning. The world she’d known had imploded shockingly fast. It killed Aislinn to admit it—she kept hoping for a miracle to intercede—but her mother was certifiable. Tara may as well have died right along with her father. She hadn’t left the house once since they’d returned a year before. Her long, red hair was filthy and matted. She barely ate. When she wasn’t curled into a fetal position, she drew odd runes on the kitchen floor and muttered in Gaelic about Celtic gods and dragons. It was only a matter of time before the Lemurians culled her. Tara had magic, but she was worthless in her current state.

The sound of the kitchen door rattling against its stops startled Aislinn. On her feet in a flash, she took the stairs two at a time and burst into the kitchen. A Lemurian had one of its preternaturally long-fingered hands curved around Tara’s emaciated arm. He crooned to her in his language—an incomprehensible mix of clicks and clacks. Tara’s wild, golden eyes glazed over. She stopped trying to pull away and got to her feet, leaning against the seven-foot tall creature with long, shiny blond hair as if she couldn’t stand on her own.

“No!” Aislinn hurled herself at the Lemurian. “Leave her alone.”

“Stop!” His bottomless, alien gaze met hers. “It is time,” the Lemurian said in flawless English, “for both you and her. You must join the fighting and learn about your magic. Your mother is of no use to anyone.”

“But she has magic.” Aislinn hated the pleading in her voice. Hated it. Be strong. I can’t show him how scared I am.

Something flickered behind the Lemurian’s expression. It might have been disgust—or pity. He turned away and led Tara Lenear out of the house.

Aislinn growled low in her throat and launched herself at the Lemurian’s back. Gathering her clumsy magic into a primitive arc, she focused it on her enemy. Her tongue stuttered over an incantation. Before she could finish it, something smacked her in the chest so hard she flew through the air, hit the kitchen wall, and then slumped to the floor. Wind knocked out of her, spots dancing before her eyes, she struggled to her feet. By the time she stumbled to the kitchen door, both the Lemurian and her mother had vanished.

An unholy shriek split the air. Realizing it had come from her, Aislinn clutched the doorsill. Pain clawed at her belly. Her vision was a red haze. The fucking Lemurian had taken her mother. The last human connection she had. And they expected her to fight for them? Ha! It would be a cold day in hell. She let go of the doorframe and balled her hands into fists so hard her nails drew blood.

Aislinn walked out into blindingly bright sunlight. She didn’t care what happened next. It didn’t matter anymore. A muted explosion rocked the ground. She staggered. When she turned, she wasn’t surprised to see her house crack in multiple places and settle. Not totally destroyed, but close enough.

Guess they want to make sure I don’t have anywhere to go back to.

Her heart shattered into jagged pieces that poked her from the inside. She bit her lip so hard it ached. When that didn’t make a dent in her anguish, she pinched herself, dug her nails into her flesh until she bled from dozens of places. Fingers slick with her own blood, she forced herself into a ragged jog. Maybe if she put some distance between herself and the wreckage of her life, the pain sluicing through her might abate.

As she ran, a phrase filled her mind. The same sentence, over and over in time to her heartbeat. I will never care for anyone ever again. I will never care for anyone ever again. After a time, the words etched into her soul.

Chapter One

Two Years Later

Aislinn pulled her cap down more firmly on her head. Snow stung where it got into her eyes and froze the exposed parts of her face. Thin, cold air seared her lungs when she made the mistake of breathing too deeply. She’d taken refuge in a spindly stand of leafless aspens, but they didn’t cut the wind at all. “Where’s Travis?” she fumed, scanning the unending white of a high altitude plain that used to be part of Colorado. Or maybe this place had been in eastern Utah. It didn’t really matter much anymore.

Something flickered at the corner of her eye. Almost afraid to look, she swiveled her head to maximize her peripheral vision. Damn! No, double damn. Half-frozen muscles in her face ached, her jaw tightened. Bal’ta—a bunch of them—fanned out a couple of hundred yards behind her, closing the distance eerily fast. One of many atrocities serving the dark gods that had crawled out of the ground that night in Bolivia, they appeared as shadowy spots against the fading day. Places where edges shimmered and merged into a menacing blackness. If she looked too hard at the center of those dark places, they drew her like a lodestone. Aislinn tore her gaze away.

Not that the Bal’ta—bad as they were—were responsible for the wholesale destruction of modern life. No, their masters—the ones who’d brought dark magic to Earth in the first place—held that dubious honor. Aislinn shook her head sharply, trying to decide what to do. She was supposed to meet Travis here. Those were her orders. He had something to give her. Typical of the way the Lemurians ran things, no one knew very much about anything. It was safer that way if you got captured.

She hadn’t meant to cave and work for them, but in the end, she’d had little choice. It was sign on with the Lemurians—Old Ones—to cultivate her magic and fight the dark, or be marched into the same radioactive vortex that had killed her mother.

Her original plan had been to wait for Travis until an hour past full dark, but the Bal’ta changed all that. Waiting even one more minute was a gamble she wasn’t willing to risk. Aislinn took a deep breath. Chanting softly in Gaelic, her mother’s language, she called up the light spell that would wrap her in brilliance and allow her to escape—maybe. It was the best strategy she could deploy on short notice. Light was anathema to Bal’ta and their ilk. So many of the loathsome creatures were hot on her heels, she didn’t have any other choice.

She squared her shoulders. All spells drained her. This was one of the worst—a purely Lemurian working translated into Gaelic because human tongues couldn’t handle the Old Ones’ language. She pulled her attention from her spell for the time it took to glance about. Her heart sped up. Even the few seconds it took to determine flight was essential had attracted at least ten more of the bastards. They surrounded her now. Well, almost.

She shouted the word to kindle her spell. Even in Gaelic, with its preponderance of harsh consonants, the magic felt awkward on her tongue. Heart thudding double time against her ribs, she hoped she’d gotten the inflection right. Moments passed. Nothing happened. Aislinn tried again. Still nothing. Desperate, she readied her magic for a fight she was certain she’d lose and summoned the light spell one last time. Flickers formed. Stuttering into brilliance, they pushed against the Bal’tas’ darkness.

Yesssss. Muting down triumph surging through her—no time for it—she gathered the threads of her working, draped luminescence about herself, and loped toward the west. Bal’ta scattered, closing behind her. She noted with satisfaction that they stayed well away from her light. She’d always assumed it burned them in some way.

Travis was on his own. She couldn’t even warn him he was walking into a trap. Maybe he already had. Which would explain why he hadn’t shown up. Worry tugged at her. She ignored it. Anything less than absolute concentration and she’d fall prey to his fate—whatever that had been.

Vile hissing sounded behind her. Long-nailed hands reached for her, followed by shrieks when one of them came into contact with her magic. She snuck a peek over one shoulder to see how close they truly were. One problem with all that light was it illuminated the disgusting things. Between five and six feet tall, with barrel chests, their bodies were coated in greasy looking brown hair. Thicker hair hung from their scalps and grew in clumps from armpits and groins. Ropy muscles bulged under their hairy skin. Orange eyes gleamed, reflecting her light back at her. Their foreheads sloped backward giving them a dimwitted look, but Aislinn wasn’t fooled. They were skilled warriors, worthy adversaries who’d wiped out more than one of her comrades. They had an insect-like ability to work as a group using telepathic powers. Though she threw her Mage senses wide open, she was damned if she could tap into their wavelength to disrupt it.

Chest aching, breath coming in short, raspy pants, she ran like she’d never run before. If she let go of anything—her light shield or her speed—they’d be on her and it would be all over. Dead just past her twenty-second birthday. That thought pushed her legs to pump faster. She gulped air, willing everything to hold together long enough.

Minutes ticked by. Maybe as much as half an hour passed. She was tiring. It was hard to run and maintain magic. Could she risk teleportation? Sort of a beam me up, Scotty, trick. Nope, she just wasn’t close enough to her destination yet. Something cold as an ice cave closed around her upper arm. Her flesh stung before feeling left it. Head snapping to that side, she noted her light cloak had failed in that spot. Frantic to loosen the creature’s grip, she pulled a dirk from her belt and stabbed at the thing holding her. Smoke rose when she dug her iron knife into it.

The stench of burning flesh stung her nostrils and the disgusting ape-man drew back, hurling imprecations at her in its guttural language. Her gaze snaked through the gloom of the fading day as she tried to assess how many of the enemy chased her. She swallowed hard. There had to be a hundred. Why were they targeting her? Had they intercepted Travis and his orders? Damn the Lemurians anyway. She’d never wanted to fight for them.

I’ve got to get out of here. Though it went against the grain—mostly because she was pretty certain it wouldn’t work and you weren’t supposed to cast magic willy nilly—she pictured her home, mixed magic from earth and fire, and begged the Old Ones to see her delivered safely. Once she set the spell in motion, there’d be no going back. If she didn’t end up where she’d planned, she’d be taken to task, maybe even stripped of her powers, depending on how pissed off the Lemurians were.

Aislinn didn’t have any illusions left. It had been three years since her world crumbled. Two since her mother died. She’d wasted months railing against God, or the fates, or whoever was responsible for robbing her of her boyfriend and her parents and her life, goddammit.

Then the Old Ones—Lemurians, she corrected herself—had slapped reason into her, forcing her to see the magic that kept her alive as a resource, not a curse. In the intervening time, she’d not only come to terms with that magic. It had become a part of her. The only part she truly trusted. Without the magic that enhanced her senses, she’d be dead within hours.

Please… It was a struggle not to clasp her hands together in an almost forgotten gesture of supplication. Juggling an image of her home while maintaining enough light to hold the Bal’ta at bay, Aislinn waited. Nothing happened. She was supposed to vanish, her molecules transported by proxy to where she wished to go. This was way more than the normal journey—or jump—spell, though. Because she needed to go much farther.

She poured more energy into the teleportation spell. The light around her flickered. Bal’ta dashed forward, jaws open, saliva dripping. She smelled the rotten crypt smell of them and cringed. If they got hold of her, they’d feed off her until she was nothing but an empty husk. Or worse, if one took a shine to her, she’d be raped in the bargain. And forced to carry a mixed breed child. Of course, they’d kill her as soon as the thing was weaned. Maybe the brat, too, if its magic wasn’t strong enough.

The most powerful of the enemy were actually blends of light and dark magic. When the abominations, six dark masters, had slithered out of holes between the worlds during a globally synchronized surge linked to the Harmonic Convergence, the first thing they’d done had been to capture several human women and perform unspeakable experiments on progeny resulting from purloined eggs and alien sperm.

Aislinn sucked in a shaky breath. She did not want to be captured. Suicide was a far better alternative. She licked at the fake cap in the back of her mouth. It didn’t budge. She shoved a filthy finger behind her front teeth and used an equally disgusting fingernail to pop the cap. She gripped the tiny capsule. Should she swallow it? Could she? Sweat beaded and trickled down her forehead despite the chill afternoon air.

She’d just dropped the pill onto her tongue, trying to gin up enough saliva to make it go down, when the weightlessness associated with teleportation started in her feet like it always did. Gagging, she spat out the capsule and extended a hand to catch it. She missed. It fell into the dirt. Aislinn knew better than to scrabble for the poison pill. If she survived, she could get another from the Old Ones. They didn’t care how many humans died, despite pretending to befriend those with magic.

Her spell was shaky enough as it was. It needed more energy—lots more. Forgetting about the light spell, Aislinn put everything she had into escape. By the time she knew she was going to make it—apparently the Bal’ta didn’t know they could take advantage of her vulnerability as she shimmered half in and half out of teleport mode—she was almost too tired to care.

She fell through star-spotted darkness for a long time. It could have been several lifetimes. These teleportation jaunts were different than her simple Point A to Point B jumps. When she’d traveled this way before, she’d asked how long it took, but the Old Ones never answered. Everyone she’d ever loved was dead—and the Old Ones lived forever—so she didn’t have a reliable way to measure time. For all she knew, Travis might have lived through years of teleportation jumps. No one ever talked about anything personal. It was like an unwritten law. No going back. No one had a past. At least not one they were willing to talk about.

Voices eddied around her, speaking the Lemurian tongue with its clicks and clacks. She tried to talk with them, but they ignored her. On shorter, simpler journeys, her body stayed with her. She’d never known how her body caught up to her when she teletransported and was nothing but spirit. Astral energy suspended between time and space.

A disquieting thump rattled her bones. Bones. I have bones again… That must mean… Barely conscious of the walls of her home rising around her, Aislinn felt the fibers of her grandmother’s Oriental rug against her face. She smelled cinnamon and lilac. Relief surged through her. Against hope and reason, the Old Ones had seen her home. Maybe they cared more than she thought—at least about her. Aislinn tried to pull herself across the carpet to the corner shrine so she could thank them properly, but her head spun. Darkness took her before she could do anything else.

* * * *

Not quite sure what woke her, Aislinn opened her eyes. Pale light filtered in through rough cutouts high in the walls. Daytime. She’d been lucky to find this abandoned silver mine with shafts that ran up to ground level. It would have drained her to constantly have a mage light burning.

Is it tomorrow? Or one of the days after that? Aislinn’s head pounded. Her mouth tasted like the backside of a sewer. It was the aftereffect of having thoroughly drained her magic, but she was alive, goddammit. Alive. Memory flooded her. She’d been within a hairsbreadth of taking her own life. Her stomach clenched and she rolled onto her side, racked by dry heaves. Had she swallowed any of the poison by accident?

A bitter laugh made her cracked lips ache. Of course she hadn’t. It didn’t take much cyanide to kill you. Just biting into the capsule without swallowing would have done it. She struggled to a sitting position. Pain lanced through her head, but she forced herself to keep her eyes open.

The world stabilized. She lurched to her feet, filled a chipped mug with water that ran perpetually down one wall of her cave, doubling as faucet and shower, and warmed it with magic. Rummaging through small metal bins, she dropped mint and anise into the water. Then a dollop of honey, obtained at great personal risk from a nearby hive. When she looked at the mug, it was empty. Her eyes widened in a face so tired any movement was torture, and she wondered if she’d hallucinated making tea. Since she didn’t remember drinking the mixture, she made another cup for good measure.

Liquid on board, she started feeling halfway human. Or whatever she was these days. As she moved around her cozy hobbit hole of a home, her gaze stole over beloved books, a few odds and ends of china, and her grandmother’s rug—all that was left of her old life. By the time she had developed enough magic to transport both herself and things short distances, most of the items from the ruins of her parents’ home had been either pilfered by someone else or destroyed by the elements. She’d come by her few other possessions digging through the rubble of what was left of civilization.

Aislinn sighed heavily. It made her chest hurt and she wondered if the Bal’ta had injured her before she’d made good on her escape. She shucked her clothes—tight brown leather pants, a plaid flannel shirt, and a torn black leather jacket—and took stock of her body. It looked pretty much the same. The long, white scar from under one breast catty corner to a hipbone was still there. Yeah, right. What could have happened to it? There might be a few new bruises, but all in all, her lean, tautly muscled form had survived intact. Before the world had imploded, she’d hated being a shred over six feet tall. Now she blessed her height. Long legs meant she could run fast.

She wrinkled her nose. A putrid stench had intensified as she removed her ratty leather garments. Realizing it was her, she strode to the waterfall in one corner of her cave and stood under its flow until her teeth chattered. Only then did she pull magic to warm herself. It seemed a waste to squander power on something she thought she should be able to tolerate. Besides, despite sleeping, she still hadn’t managed to totally recharge her reserves. That would only happen if she didn’t use any more magic for a while. Aislinn thumbed a sliver of handmade soap and washed her hair, diverting suds falling down her body to clean the rest of her.

Something threw itself against the wards she kept above ground. She felt it as a vibration deep in her chest. It happened again. She leapt from the shower and flung her long, red hair over her shoulders so she could see. Soapy water streamed down her body, but she didn’t want to sacrifice one iota of magic drying herself until she knew who—or what—was out there. Mage power would alert whatever was outside to her presence, so she snaked the tiniest tendril of Seeker magic out, winding it in a circuitous route so no one would be able to figure out where it came from. Seekers could pinpoint others with magic. That gift was also useful sorting out truth, but it wasn’t her main talent, so it was weak.

She gasped. Travis? How could it possibly be him? He didn’t know where she lived. Had her Lemurian magelord told him?

“Aislinn.” She heard his voice in her mind. “Let us in.”

Us no doubt meant his bond creature was with him. When Hunter magic was primary, humans had bond animals. His was a civet with the most beautiful rust, golden, and onyx coat she’d ever seen. Should I? Indecision rocked her. The reason her cave meant safety was no one knew about it. No one who would tell, anyway. She dragged a threadbare wool shift—once it had been green but there were so many patches, it was mostly black now—over her head and shook water out of her hair.

A high-pitched screech reverberated in her head. It sounded like something had pissed off the civet. Travis shouted her name again. He left the mind speech channel open after that. Locked it open so she couldn’t close it off. Edgy, she wondered if he was setting some sort of trap. Aislinn thought she could trust him, but when it came right down to it, she didn’t trust anyone. Especially not the Old Ones. The only thing that made working with them tolerable was that she understood their motives. Or imagined she did. She still hadn’t forgiven them for killing her mother. Poor, sick, muddled Tara.

“Aislinn.” A different voice this time. Metae, her Lemurian magelord. The one who’d made it clear two years before that, magic or no, they’d kill her if she didn’t come to terms with her power and fight for them. “Save your comrade. I do not know if I will arrive in time.”

All righty, then. Aislinn wondered if it would be possible. The civet yowled, hissed, and then yowled again. Travis made heavy, slurping sounds, as if at least one lung had been punctured. Dragging a leather vest over totally inadequate clothing, Aislinn slipped her feet into cracked, plastic Crocs, and took off at a dead run down a passageway leading upward. The Crocs gave her feet some protections from rocks, but not from cold. She veered off, trying to pick an exit point that would put her behind the fighting. When she came to one of the many illusory rocks that blocked every tunnel leading to her home, she peeked around it. No point in being a sacrifice if she could help it. Travis wasn’t that close of an acquaintance. No one was.

A hand flew to her mouth to stifle sound. Christ! It couldn’t be. But it was. Though she’d only seen him once, that horrible night in Bolivia when her father had died, the thing standing in broad daylight had to be Perrikus—one of six dark gods holding what was left of Earth captive. Bright auburn hair flowing to his waist fluttered in the morning breeze. Eyes clear as fine emeralds one moment, shifting to another alluring shade the next, were set in a classically handsome face with sharp cheekbones and a chiseled jawline. His broad shoulders and chest tapered to narrow hips under a gossamer robe that left almost nothing to the imagination. The dark gods were sex incarnate, which was interesting since the Old Ones were anything but. Promises of bottomless passion had been one of the ways the dark ones seduced Druids and witches and all those other New Age practitioners into weakening the gates between the worlds.

Heat flooded Aislinn’s nether regions. She wished she’d paid better attention when humans who’d actually run up against the dark gods had told her about it. Something about requiring human warmth to feed themselves, or remain on Earth, or…shit, her usually sharp mind just wasn’t there. She couldn’t focus on anything except getting laid.

Her groin ached for release. One of her hands snuck under her clothing before she realized what she was doing. No! The silent shriek told her body to stand down, damn it. Now was not the time…and Perrikus definitely not the partner. Her body wasn’t listening. The next parts to betray her were her nipples as they pebbled into hard points and pressed against the rough wool fabric of her hastily donned shift.

Wrenching her gaze to Travis—and her mind away from sex—she was unutterably grateful he was still on his feet. Wavering, but standing. The civet, every hair on end, stood next to him, a paw with claws extended, raised menacingly.

“You know where the woman is,” Perrikus said, voice like liquid silver. Aislinn heard compulsion behind the words. Hopefully, so did Travis. “I followed you here,” the dark mage went on. “I heard you call out to her. So, where is she? Tell me and I’ll let you go.” The civet growled low. Travis spoke a command to silence it.

“I’m right here.” Aislinn stepped into view, glad her voice didn’t tremble, because her guts sure were.

“Aislinn,” Travis gasped. He lurched in a rough half circle to face her. “I’m so sorry…”

“Can it,” she snapped. The civet hissed at her, probably since she’d had the temerity to raise her voice to its bonded one.

“Okay.” She leveled her gaze at Perrikus. “You said he could go. Release him—and his animal, too.”

That lyrical voice laughed. “Oh, did I say that? I’d forgotten.”

“Let him go and I’ll, ah, give you what you want.” Should buy me a couple minutes here. “Just turn off the damned libido fountain. I can’t think.”

His hypnotic gaze latched onto hers. “Why would I do that, human? You like how it feels. I smell the heat from between your legs.”

“Bastard. I liked it a whole lot better when I thought you were just a comic book character.” Aislinn wondered how much juice she had. This was one of the gods. Even if she was at her best, she didn’t think she’d be able to prevail in anything that looked like direct combat. “What do you want with me?” she asked, still trying to buy time to strategize. It wasn’t easy with what felt like a second heart pounding between her legs. She wanted to lay herself at his feet and just get it over with.

“What do you think?” He smiled. Fine, white teeth gleamed in that perfect jaw. “Children. You have power, human. Real power. And you’ve only now come to our attention.” He walked toward her, nice and slow. Sauntered. His hips swung with his stride. She saw he was ready under those sheer robes. Unfortunately, so was she, but she clamped down on her craving.

Aislinn ignored the moisture gushing down her thighs and reached for her magic. Travis limped over, joining hands with her. The civet wedged itself between them, warm against her lower leg. She felt the boost immediately. Even the sexual hunger receded a tiny bit. Enough to clear her mind. “On my count of three,” she sent. “One, two…”

“No. Do just the opposite. He won’t be expecting it. Pull from air and water. I’ll blend fire. Aim for his dick. It’s a pretty big target just now.”

Power erupted from them. Even the civet seemed to be helping. Since she’d never worked with an animal before, she wasn’t certain just how the Hunter magic worked. Aislinn concentrated hard to keep the spell’s aim true. Travis was injured, so she took more of the burden.

Perrikus chanted almost lazily. Maybe he was drunk on his own ability, so egotistical he wouldn’t guard himself. Her spirits soared as soon as she realized Travis’s gambit had worked. Perrikus was using the counter spell for air and water. He hadn’t counted on the tenacity fire would give their working. Moments later, a muffled shriek burst from him and he grappled for his crotch.

“Bitch.” No honey or compulsion in that epithet. He lunged for her. Aislinn sidestepped him neatly, letting go of Travis. In half a crouch, she trained all her attention on their adversary. Hands raised, she began a weaving she hoped would unbalance him. Air shimmered at the edges of her vision.

“I am here, child. Take your comrade to safety. He carries an important message from me.”

“Me—”

“Do not speak my name aloud. Go.”

The shimmery place in the air sidled in front of Perrikus. Fiery edges lapped hungrily at his nearly transparent robes. Not waiting to be told a third time, Aislinn shooed the civet into Travis’s arms, draped an arm around him, and pulled invisibility about the three of them. The last thing she heard as she guided them toward the warren of passageways leading to her home was Metae baiting Perrikus. “I was old before you were hatched. How dare you spread your filth?”

“W-where are we?” Travis’s voice gurgled. It had taken time to help him cover the half-mile back to her cave. The civet made little mewling noises as they walked, sounding worried about its human partner.

“About two hundred feet below whatever’s happening up there.” Aislinn flung a hand upward. “Do you have Healing magic?” She pushed him through the thick tapestry that served as a door to her home and caught the civet’s tail between fabric and rock. It hissed at her, and then ran to Travis, light on its feet.

He nodded.

“Use it on yourself. It’s not one of my strengths.” Aislinn knew she sounded surly, but couldn’t help herself. She’d never wanted anyone anywhere near her home. And her body, ignited by Perrikus’s execrable magic, screamed for release. Nothing she could do about that so long as she had company. Not much privacy in the one room she called home.

“Make a power circle around me.”

Grateful for something to do, Aislinn strode around him three times, chanting. She felt Travis pull earth power from her as he patched the hurt places within himself. Satisfied he had what he needed, she retrieved her mug, got one for him and made tea. In addition to goldenseal, she added marigolds to the decoction. Both were supposed to have healing qualities. By the time she finished brewing the tea, his color had shifted from gray to decidedly pink. His eyes were back to their normal brown. Moss green was his power color. She wondered if it was sheer coincidence the civet’s eyes were the same odd shade. She understood her Mage and Seeker gifts. The other three human magics—Healer, Hunter, and Seer—remained shrouded in mystery.

Aislinn looked hard at Travis when she handed him the tea. Dirty blond dreadlocks hung halfway down his back. He was well past six feet, but thin to the point of gauntness, his skin stretched over broad shoulders. A leather belt with additional holes punched in it held baggy denim pants up. Battered leather boots, split along one side, and an equally worn leather vest over a threadbare green cotton shirt made him look just about as ragtag as she always did. No one ever had new clothes. She just patched what she had until the fabric fell apart. Then she looted amongst the dead, or possessions they’d left behind, for something else she could use.

“Thanks.” He took the tea and shifted uncomfortably from foot to foot. “You have books.” Surprise burned in his tone. “How did—?”

“You didn’t see them,” she broke in fiercely, thinking that’s what happened when you had people in your house. They saw things they weren’t supposed to—like books banned by a Lemurian edict.

“Okay,” he agreed. “I didn’t see a thing.” He hesitated. “Don’t worry. I wouldn’t want to get you in trouble.”

“Did you fix your body?” Aislinn grimaced. Gee, that didn’t sound very friendly. Pretty obvious I’m trying to change the subject. “Uh, sorry. I’m not used to entertaining.”

He dropped his gaze. “Yeah, I’m better. I’m not used to being anyone’s guest, either.”

“How’d you find me?” she blurted. Not all that polite either, but she really did want to know.

“Metae and Regnol, you know, my Lemurian magelord, told me to give you this yesterday.” Scrabbling inside his vest, he drew out an alabaster plaque. It was about the size of a domino and contained an encrypted message. “I tried to make our rendezvous on time, but everywhere I turned, something went wrong.” He paused long enough to take a breath. “I won’t bore you with the details, but it was past dark when I made it to the coordinates. You weren’t there, but I knew you had been. Traces of your energy remained.” He ground his teeth together. “I also sensed the Bal’ta. Because I feared the worst, I called the Old Ones—”

“What?” she broke in, incredulous. “We’re never supposed to—”

“I know that.” He sounded dismayed. “I was desperate. They’d told me not to bother reporting back in if I didn’t get the message to you. Anyway, they didn’t even lecture me for insubordination. Metae told me where to find you. And a whole bunch of other stuff about how she’d wanted to tell you herself, but couldn’t break away from something or other.”

Aislinn gulped her tea. It was hot and made her mouth hurt, but at least the lust that had been eating at her like acid, ever since Perrikus had turned those gorgeous eyes on her, receded a bit. Maybe it might, just might, leave her be. She’d even been wondering about a quickie with Travis—after he’d healed himself, of course. Heat spread up her neck. She knew she was blushing.

“What?” He stared at her. The civet had curled itself into a ball at his feet, but it kept its suspicious gaze trained on her.

“Nothing.” She put down her mug and held out a hand for the plaque. “Let’s find out what was so important.”

Nodding silently, he handed it to her before sinking onto one of several big pillows scattered around the Oriental rug. The cat followed him. “Do you mind?” He pointed at a faded Navaho blanket folded in one corner of the room.

“Help yourself.”

“Thanks.” He unfolded it and draped it around his shoulders. “Takes a lot of magic to do Healings. I’m cold.”

With only half her mind on him, Aislinn held the alabaster between her hands. It warmed immediately and began to glow. She opened herself to it, knowing it would reveal its message, but only to her. The plaques were like that. The Old Ones keyed them to a single recipient. Death came swiftly to anyone else who tried to tamper with their magic. Metae’s voice filled her mind.

“Child. Your unique combination of Mage and Seeker blood has come to the attention of the other side. They will stop at nothing to capture and use you. The Council has conferred. You will ready yourself for a journey to Taltos so we may better prepare you for what lies ahead. Take nothing. Tell no one. Travel to the gateway. Do not tarry. Once you are there, we will find you. You must arrive within four days.”

“What?” Travis had an odd look on his face, as if he knew he shouldn’t ask, but couldn’t help himself.

She shook her head. Alone. Destined to be alone—always. Sadness filled her. Images of her mother and father tumbled out of the place she kept them locked away. Memories of what it had felt like to be loved brought sudden tears to her eyes.

“Come here.” Travis opened his arms. “You don’t have to tell me a thing.” The civet growled low. He spoke sharply to it and it stood, arched its back, and walked to a spot a few feet away where it circled before lying down.

Mortified by how desperately she wanted the comfort of those arms, Aislinn dropped to the floor and crawled to him, taking care to give his bond animal a wide berth. The blanket must have helped because when she fitted her body to his it was more than warm. The sexual heat she thought she’d moved beyond flared painfully in her loins. When he cupped her buttocks with his hands and pulled her against him, she wound her arms around him and held on.

“There,” he crooned, moving a hand to smooth her hair out of her face. “There, now. Let’s take comfort where we can, eh? There’s precious little to be had.” He laughed, sounding a bit self-conscious, before adding, “Even I could feel Perrikus’s spell. Got me going, too.

He closed his lips over hers. She kissed him back, too aroused to be ashamed of her need.

Chapter Two

The gateway to Taltos. How the hell was she supposed to find it all by herself? Travis was long gone, making a journey jump to wherever he lived. At least that’s where he said he was going. Aislinn blew out a breath, feeling guilty. She hadn’t exactly asked him to go, but she’d hinted strongly that she needed time to herself. Travis was sweet—and a surprisingly adept lover. A reluctant smile tugged at her lips. She hadn’t expected him to be so skilled. Or so attuned to what she needed, which had been rough and tumble sex without much in the way of seductive undertones.

The smile vanished abruptly. Ever since she lost her family, she’d made a point of staying away from anything that could turn into an emotional entanglement. It hurt too damned bad when you lost someone you loved. She could go the rest of her life without that kind of pain again, thank you very much. Doesn’t matter, it will be months before I see him again. If then.

Relegating her tryst with Travis to the infrequent dalliances she’d given in to when need outweighed reason, she gazed about her cave. It wasn’t much, but it was all the home she had and she was loathe to leave it. Aislinn shrugged off her ambivalence about the upcoming journey. Since her instructions were to take nothing and tell no one, she sure wouldn’t be wasting any time in preparations. Only problem was she really did need to figure out where she was going. She closed her eyes and sifted through Lemurian memories that had been embedded within her at the time of her initiation. She kept two fingers centered in tattooed marks—black ink in the form of ankhs and stars—on her opposite arm as she concentrated.

Rather than a map of how to get to Taltos, what filled her mind was the Harmonic Convergence of August, 1987 and its globally synchronized surges. The Surge three years ago had been the last one as far as she knew, though there’d been many prior to it. Resentment filled her and she ground her teeth together. Of course it had been the last one. The dark gods had used it to leapfrog their way to Earth. They didn’t need to mastermind any more of them since they were already here.

Her parents had taken her to a remote location in the mountains of Bolivia during that last Surge. There’d been a surprising number of people, given it had taken several hours of strenuous climbing on slippery, muddy trails to get to a sundial supposedly placed by the Incas. Or, maybe it had been the Aztecs. She couldn’t exactly remember. She’d been tired and not listening especially carefully to her father lecturing about the history of the Convergence as they made their way to the ancient shrine. He talked about it all the time. It was his life’s work, he and Doctor José Argüelles. They’d spent over twenty years tracking every aspect of it at power points all over the world. This wasn’t the first time he’d taken her and her mother to some remote location to view a Surge.

While the trek had begun in thick jungle, they’d climbed beyond the line where trees grew to an arid, high plain, pocked with huge craters and the ruins of primitive dwellings. Small scrubby plants dotted the landscape. Herds of llamas grazed nearby. Aislinn had been fascinated by their huge, liquid eyes and long, graceful necks. When she reached out to touch one, her father had called her back telling her they weren’t nearly as friendly as they looked. The journey had taken most of the day. Light was fading when they reached the sacred power point. Her father told her about dozens of such spots scattered around the globe. “People are gathering there, too,” he’d said with a knowing smile.

Her parents offered her cocaine leaves to chew. They’d given her a mild high. When the ground around the sundial began to undulate, she’d chalked it up to the drug. The rest of the crowd had rushed forward, though, chanting something in a guttural language. A vast hole had formed in the earth and two naked alien beings had swarmed out of it. Several of the worshippers threw themselves at the feet of the things, chanting fervently.

The creatures had been so horribly inhuman, with eyes that radiated infinite power and colors shifting and changing under golden skin—Christ! An army of zombies wouldn’t have looked any more terrifying—or shocked her more. Danger rolled from them in waves, setting her teeth on edge and making her stomach ache. Though she hadn’t known it then, one was Perrikus, the other D’Chel. That had been the beginning of the freaky part. And her world had unraveled right along with it.

With a despairing look on her face, her mother had whispered in Gaelic so garbled it was tough to follow, telling her and her father to fade into the shadows behind nearby ruins. They’d begun a surreptitious retreat when one of the things materialized right in front of her father. One minute, he’d been behind them, the next he was in front of Jacob Lenear, blocking his way. Jacob stood six foot four, but the glowing figure, was at least half a foot taller. Up close like that, multi-hued eyes glowed menacingly. Shiny black hair hung past his waist. The colors flowing into one another under his skin had a hypnotic quality.

“Where do you think you are going, human?” The last word sounded like a curse.

“It’s late,” her father began, spreading his hands in a placating gesture. “And—”

Those had been his last words. The thing reached out quick as lightning, wrapped a long-fingered hand around Jacob’s neck, and snapped it. It happened so fast the only part Aislinn remembered clearly was her mother screaming. The humans who had welcomed the abominations began to chant something like, “Kill the unbelievers. Bring on the New Age. New Age. New Age. New Age…”

A woman had stepped forward then, and tugged at the other alien being’s arm. Dark hair blew in her eyes. She was half-naked, her small, conical breasts painted with runic symbols. “I am Amaya, queen witch of this coven. Where are the others? I was told six of you would emerge.”

The thing smirked at her and shoved reddish-gold hair over broad shoulders. “If you ever speak directly to me again, it will mean your death. Depending how closely your kin followed orders, our brothers and sister are already here. This is not the only power point in this world.”

Looking mildly shaken, Amaya lowered her hazel gaze and slunk backward. She joined hands with several others. They raised their voices in a song that only partially muffled Aislinn’s mother’s wailing. Draped over her husband’s body, red hair dragging in the dirt, Tara Lenear’s Irish heritage came to the fore as she shrieked a wake for her beloved. Aislinn tried to join her, to hug her father one last time, but in what was one of her last sentient moments, her mother had stopped screaming and hustled them off the mountain.

It was only later, after the madness took root, that Aislinn realized it would have been far more merciful if Tara had joined Jacob that day. Her mother hadn’t been the only one to lose her mind in the face of the invasion—the six dark gods hadn’t lost much time creating gateways for their hell spawned minions to scare the crap out of people—but Aislinn had needed her mother, goddammit. It didn’t take long for the truth to sink in: she’d lost both her parents on that South American mountain.

Then the Lemurians had shown up with their own brand of alien power. While they’d dealt fairly with her, Aislinn knew it was because she was gifted. The chilly indifference with which they’d dispatched humans who were either crazy or without magical ability still felt like an affront. She’d been raised to believe all life had intrinsic value. The first time she’d floated that idea to a Lemurian, he’d laughed for a good thirty minutes. She hadn’t brought it up again.

Aislinn’s face twisted into a grimace. Even three years later, the memories horrified her. She shut her eyes, squeezing them so tightly colors flashed behind her lids. Her father and mother were dead. They couldn’t help her anymore. There was no percentage in thinking about either of them. All it did was make her sad.

Pressing harder on the tattoos, she asked the Old Ones how to find Taltos. When the answer came, she understood she’d known all along. It was part of the embedded memories, but she’d been so upset by Perrikus—and thinking about her parents—she’d been at cross-purposes with herself.

Confident the gateway would show itself to her, assuming she survived the journey, Aislinn wondered about her invitation. Insofar as she knew, other than the brief indoctrination she’d gotten once she’d accepted her magic and agreed to help the Lemurians, no additional training had been offered to any other human. Had any of them ever been invited into the Old Ones’ domain before? Was she the first? The thought excited and frightened her at the same time.

“Let’s see.” She ticked off on her fingers. “Mage, Seeker, Seer, Healer, Hunter.” The spectrum of human powers. She had both Mage and Seeker talents. Her Mage gift gave her facility with spells. Most humans had only one skill. It was unusual, but not unheard of, to have two. Travis, for example, was a Hunter, but he had Healing talent also. Why would the Old Ones suddenly take such an interest in her? So what if one of the dark ones planned to rape her? It wasn’t any different than they’d done with countless human women. A harsh laugh escaped. Actually the Old Ones and the enemy had one thing in common: a blatant disregard for human life. Aislinn figured the Old Ones were simply using her and others like her as pawns in their million-year-old battle against Perrikus and his cronies.

Feeling confused and vulnerable—and angry that her compliance with Metae’s orders was a foregone conclusion—Aislinn mapped out her journey. She needed to get to a sacred mountain in northern California. It was about a thousand miles from her current location, so it would take several jumps and at least two days. Maybe even three because her magic would need time to recover.

Take nothing—that’s ridiculous. I have to take food.

No, she argued with herself, I can hunt. Probably better to follow Metae’s instructions exactly.

A familiar voice broke into her reverie. “Aislinn.”

“Travis? Didn’t you go home?” She winced. He’d been kind to her. He deserved better. “Uh, sorry. Didn’t mean to be rude.”

He chuckled. “Yeah. I went home. Just wanted to tell you I hope I see you again.”

Sudden tears sprang to her eyes. She brushed them away. “Damn it, Travis,” she hissed, mind voice almost a growl. “Do not start caring about me. I don’t think I could stand it.”

“We’ve all lost a lot, Aislinn. Don’t let it blind you to the rest of your life.”

She began to answer, but he severed the link. She sent magic spinning out to resurrect it, but pulled it back almost immediately. Travis was a complication she did not need right now. What she needed to do was get moving. On her feet before the thought was done percolating, Aislinn stripped off her shift, then dressed carefully in layers, snugging into long underwear and wool pants that used to be black, but had faded to gray. A red flannel shirt—it clashed with her hair, but so what?—topped by a leather vest and her torn black leather jacket completed her usual mercenary for hire outfit. She glanced down at herself and laughed. There’d been a time when she’d actually cared what she looked like. Now the only thing she cared about was if her clothing was warm and functional.

Eying her boots, she shook her head. She needed to be on the lookout for a replacement pair. She tossed a battered rucksack over her shoulders to hold some of her clothes in case it was warmer than she thought it would be, made sure she had a water bottle and her cook pot, and held a westerly location in her mind.

Aislinn arrived at her planned destination easily. Under the watchful eye of a weak sun trying hard to put out a little warmth, she patted the walls of a deserted tin mining shack a couple hundred miles from her home. Compared with her last journey, the first leg of this one had been easy. The next few should be, too, at least until she traveled into terra incognita. When she couldn’t picture her location, she wasn’t sure quite what she’d do. Coming out in unknown terrain was always risky.

She’d been to the tin shack a couple of times before. Once when her mother was still alive, and later when she was first teaching herself how to use magic to travel. The miner who’d built the humble structure had left a diary about losing his wife to cancer. His pain, splashed across the grime-streaked pages of a journal, had pierced her heart. She thought about going inside to see if the journal was still there, but resisted. She didn’t really have time to spare. Aislinn reached out cautiously with her magic to see if any threats were near. And froze.

She wasn’t certain what she sensed, but it had wrongness stamped all over it. She hadn’t expected to run into trouble so soon and it rattled her. Silent in her cracked leather boots, she faded into the hut through a door hanging half off its hinges. The diary was right where she’d left it, tucked into a clear, plastic bin so rodents wouldn’t chew it to bits. Drawing power, she looked through the walls of her shelter.

Ghost army. Had they seen her arrive? Shades of human dead, robbed of life far too soon, roved the countryside in packs. They holed up in what was left of the cities, too. Not unlike feral dogs, they refused to leave. Enough of them could suck the life out of you, which was how they swelled their ranks. Aislinn ground her teeth together. While easier to fool than instruments of the dark, she couldn’t afford to take chances. Dead was dead and shades would kill her just as eagerly as Bal’ta. Her corporeality was an affront to them.

Because they weren’t magical, they shouldn’t be able to sense her. If she just sat tight, she could wait till they moved on, but that might make her late. The alabaster had given her four days’ time. It seemed like enough, at least if everything went smoothly. She peered at the ghost army again with magic-enhanced senses. As she watched, one of them pointed a bony finger her way. She sat up straighter. Shit. They must have seen her flicker into being after she’d first arrived.

She girded herself for moving on, pulling magic, visualizing a location, when the shades closed in. They slithered through the walls and surrounded her. When she reached for her magic, a barrier stood between her will and the reservoir that held her power.

What the hell? They’re not supposed to be able to do that. The reek of long-decayed flesh pricked her nose. She stifled a gag. Skeletal fingers with strips of flesh hanging off them reached for her. A high-pitched, wavering howling filled the air. Chills ran down her back. The shades sounded hungry. Aislinn forced herself to really look at the remnants of humanity surrounding her. “Did this shack belong to one of you?” she asked, her gaze scanning the group.

“Aye. What’s it to you?” One of the men stepped forward. Even dead, with flesh peeling off him in strips and a caved-in place where it looked like someone had buried an axe in his skull, it was obvious he’d been a big, powerfully built man.

Aislinn met his dead, brown gaze. “I read your journal. I’m sorry about your wife.” She hesitated. “I know what it is to lose someone you love.”

“Do you now?” he snarled. Half-eaten away lips drew back from teeth with exposed roots.

“Yes,” she said simply. “Both my parents were killed. And all my friends.”

The man stepped closer to her. Raising a hand, he ran it down her arm. Then, more familiarly, cupped a breast. “Warm,” he breathed, showering her with rancid breath. “So warm.” His hand tightened on her, pulling her close.

Swallowing revulsion, Aislinn laid a hand over his. “Don’t you want to see your wife again?”

He tossed his shaggy head. Long gray-flecked dark hair crawling with maggots swatted against her body. “Stupid girl,” he brayed. “If you’re going to give me some prattle about heaven, don’t waste your breath. Stopped believin’ when Betty died.”

“Doesn’t matter what you believe.” Aislinn met his gaze. “Spirits of the dead live on, but you have to pass the light to know that.”

He was kneading her breast now, rubbing the exposed bone of his fingertips over her nipple. “And how would you know, missy?”

She wasn’t certain, but Aislinn thought she saw hope flicker behind his dead eyes. “Because I have to believe I’ll see my parents again one day. Either I’ll be killed in battle, or after I’m through fighting for the Lemurians.”

He dropped her breast as if it burned him. A hissing sibilance passed his lips, spraying her with spittle. “You’re one of them. Turned by the other side.” Outraged shrieks battered her ears. The dead closed in on her.

“Grab her,” one of them shouted.

“We need her.”

“She’s warm.”

“Lemurian magic might bring us back.”

“Oh no, it won’t,” Aislinn countered, swallowing pity and fear. “They’re the ones who killed most of you. Remember?” She hurried on, “If you keep on killing the few of us who are left, who will avenge your deaths?”

The remains of a plump woman sidled close. She stroked Aislinn’s hair, sending ice chips into her guts. “Warm,” she mumbled. “I remember what it was to be warm.”

The miner shoved his body between them. “Go,” he hissed at Aislinn. “You do devil’s work. We will let you leave, but you must make me a promise.”

“What?” Aislinn wondered if she’d have to lie.

“Fight those who killed us. I want revenge.”

We all do. Sucking in a deep breath, and letting it out, she decided to take a chance, hoping the Lemurians weren’t in her head to listen. “Once the dark are defeated, if that’s even possible, I give you my word I will do what I can to see that the Old Ones return to Taltos and remain there

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THERAPY

by Kathryn Perez

4.9 stars – 208 Reviews
Text-to-Speech and Lending: Enabled
Here’s the set-up:

Sometimes you have to get lost in order to be found…

I’m needy. I’m broken. Cutting breaks through my numbness, but only opens more wounds.

Depression, self-harm, bullying….that’s my reality. Sex and guys….that’s my escape.

The space between the truth and lies is blurred leaving me torn, lost and confused. And while the monsters that live in my head try to beat me — the two men that I love try to save me.

This is my story of friendship, love, heartache, and the grueling journey that is mental illness.

WARNING: Due to possible triggering descriptions of self-harm and some sexual situations this book is not recommended for anyone under the age of 17 years old.

5-star praise for Therapy:

“…a beautiful journey between the dark and light…an insiders look at the world of mental illness, love, relationships, and life…”

“…Heart-wrenching at times, but so worth it… ”

“…deals with some of the hardest subjects that so many struggle with…It’s a roller coaster of emotions that you simply can’t put down…”

an excerpt from

Therapy

by Kathryn Perez

 

Copyright © 2014 by Kathryn Perez and published here with her permission

PART ONE
DARKNESS

“Depression is a sneaky, evil bitch. She creeps in when you least expect it and snakes her way throughout the corridors of your mind while feeding on the light of your soul. She shows up during your most difficult times, only making them harder to shoulder. Sometimes, I wish depression was a living, breathing, tangible being, so I could wrap my hands around her throat and squueze ’till all that’s left in her pools of darkness is nothingness, rendering her powerless to ever hurt me again.

                                            – Jessica

Chapter One

“The small words hurt the most.”

—Kris Harte

Jessica

Gripping my journal, I flip through the pages of my written pain. Putting pen to paper is comforting to me; my journal is the only place I can really be myself, the only place I can release my demons and voice my fears. Trying to forget summer break, I push away the thoughts of Brian and the other guys that used me for sex these past couple of months. The heartache they caused is nothing compared to the pain I’ll face today.

Senior year. My last year of hell on earth is upon me. This morning I have to step inside the hallways of my own personal nightmare. The fear I feel is almost tangible. Writing will help ease it, but I know it won’t be enough. I place my hand over my lower stomach and run my fingers across my scars. I focus on the blank page before me and start to write.

Faces

Familiar places

Trapped within these walls

Taunting me

Trapping me

Laughter filling the halls

Not much longer

It will soon end

Can’t let them know

They win

Broken

Beat down

Their derisions

Circling all around

Block it out

Push it down

Keep building these defenses

Brick by brick

My emotions bound

Seeing a stranger

When I look in the mirror

Lost and alone

My soul pleading

Desperate to find a home

***

I sit in my car, staring at the front steps of Jenson High School as dread washes over me. The drive here was nothing but minutes filled with anxiety.

Only one more year. I can do this. Just one more year and I’ll be free of this hell on earth forever.

The past three years were nearly unbearable, and I can’t imagine this year will be any different. I grab my backpack and push my car door open. The parking lot’s filled with people milling around, chattering about senior year, eyeballing each other’s outfits, and sizing each other up. One clique bleeds into another clique, and so on. Keeping a low profile is important to me, so I’ve chosen to wear a plain pair of skinny jeans and a simple white T-shirt; I don’t belong to any of the cliques.

Because I’m invisible.

I barely exist.

A loud engine rumbles as a huge truck pulls up in the parking spot beside mine, startling me. I look over to see that it’s none other than Jace Collins, superstar athlete and megapopular boyfriend to my worst enemy. His door opens and he jumps out, throwing his backpack over his broad shoulder. He might be with the biggest bitch in school, but God, the guy is like a huge magnetic force made up of sexual tension and dimples. By the time I realize I’m staring, it’s too late; he’s noticed me ogling him. A small grin stretches across his face and I blush, snapping my eyes away. I turn and start walking toward the school when I hear her.

“Oh look, it’s Jenson High’s school slut. How lovely!” Elizabeth shouts, loud enough to draw attention my way.

I clench my backpack strap, keeping my gaze forward. I can feel her eyes gunning a hole through the back of my head. This is the only time of day when I’m visible. When I’m in the cross-hairs of Elizabeth Brant’s clique of mean girls, I’m a huge blaring bull’s-eye. Engaging with her is pointless. She never gives in or lets up. Now, everyone within earshot stares and laughs at me. Taking in a deep breath, I try blocking it all out. I can hear her spitting more venom my way as she gets closer, and her sidekick Hailey joins in the taunts.

“How was your summer, Jessssssica? How many guys did you add to your list, huh?”

Their laughter fills the air around me, and then I hear him. Jace. He’s been stepping in for the past couple of years to shut them up when they talk shit to me. The first time he did it, I was stunned. Why would he care what they said to me?

I’m no one.

I barely exist.

“Okay, enough of that bullshit. It’s the first day of school. Do you both have to be such assholes?”

I don’t turn around or acknowledge his act of kindness. I’m thankful, but I can never tell him that. If she saw me talking to him, it would be a disaster. I don’t know why, but every time I make eye contact with him I get butterflies in my stomach. Of course, he’s never flirted with me like so many of the other guys do. I know why they do it, and so does everyone else, but Jace has never treated me like a slut or piece of trash. He’s as close to a gentleman as a teenage guy can be.

Last year, when we were paired together in chemistry class, Elizabeth was pissed off. She pinned me down with her stare for the entire hour, but Jace ignored her and rolled his eyes. When class was over, he got up and gave me a small smile before walking away. It was the one time that I hadn’t felt like a nobody. For that one hour I’d felt present and not so closed down. It was easier to breathe—it felt like what I assumed school should feel like.

Jace remains a mystery to me. I have no idea why he treats me like a normal girl, but every time he does, my heart beats a little stronger and a little faster. I hope one day I have the opportunity to thank him. Until then, I’ll keep my gratitude safely tucked away.

Chapter Two

“Nothing makes us so lonely as our secrets.”

—Paul Tornier

Jessica

   I close my eyes as the blood runs down my stomach, the pain oozing out with it. This is what I want, what I need. Otherwise I’m numb, feeling nothing. The pain and depression stays suppressed until I can release it. It gives me a high and a rush that I crave every morning before I go to school. I know when I walk through those doors each day that I have to flip a switch inside and turn it all off just to make it through. My mom drinks coffee with a shot of liquor to start her day.

I cut myself.

I shove my notebook in my book bag and mentally prepare for day two of dodging Elizabeth Brant and her posse of mean girls. Some days, I wish I could just meet them all somewhere and let them beat the hell out of me; they could spit all of their poison my way and be done with it. If I knew it would make them stop, I’d do it in a minute. My senior year of high school has barely begun, yet I’m already counting down the days ‘til it ends. For the past three years, school has imprisoned me.

I just want it to be over.

Every day I pray that they’ll forget about me, and I’ll really become invisible. But they never do. I do everything I can to keep attention away from myself in order to avoid their radar. It’s always futile—Elizabeth is merciless. I’ve never understood how a girl who is so beautiful on the outside can be so ugly and evil on the inside. How all of her admirers can’t see her for what she really is will forever be a mystery to me. But I know better than anyone how easy it can be to fool people and hide your darkest secrets inside.

Because I do it every day.

I head into first period English and sit at the back of the classroom like I always do. I shuffle through my book bag and get my notebook out just as I hear them. Their banter is unmistakable.

“Oh my God, Hailey, did you see him this weekend? Jace was on fire in the game, although he always is. I rewarded him afterward, of course. Then he was really on fire.”

The bitch posse giggles as Elizabeth goes on about her boyfriend and the school’s quarterback, Jace Collins. They’re the “it couple” around the school. Jace is Mr. Popular and, of course, Elizabeth is Ms. Popular. What he sees in her, I have no idea. Well, aside from her long, luxurious blond hair, flawless bronzed skin, perfect body, and crystal clear blue eyes. But she radiates bitch, regardless of her appearance.

Elizabeth glances back at me as she takes her seat. “So, Jessica, how much slutting around did you do this weekend?”

I dart my eyes down toward my notebook, refusing to reply to her taunts. Trying to stick up for myself only makes it worse. My long jet-black hair falls down around my face, creating a curtain of defense, and I doodle aimlessly on my notebook, ignoring all of her comments.

Something hits my arm and falls onto my desk, then again, and again. I look up and Elizabeth is laughing as Hailey, her partner in crime, balls up another tiny piece of paper. I roll my eyes at them and look back down at my notebook, swiping the pieces of paper onto the floor.

Brian Wheeler turns, looking at me with an assholish smirk on his face, and waggles his eyebrows up and down suggestively. My stomach rolls along with my eyes as I look away from him. Brian is yet another example of a relationship gone bad. The fact that I’ve slept with him makes me want to puke.

Elizabeth turns around, mumbling something about what a skank I am just as Jace walks in and sits down beside her. Hailey flicks another balled-up piece of paper at me and he scrunches up his eyebrows, glaring at her. She grins back at him and shrugs her shoulders innocently.

“Hailey, don’t be such a bitch,” he says in an obviously irritated tone.

Thank you, Jace.

You’re a mystery to me, Jace.

Why do you care, Jace?

Jace, Jace, Jace.

“Jace Collins, don’t talk to my best friend like that! Hailey is only warding off the infestation of STDs sitting behind us,” Elizabeth hisses.

He looks back at me and mouths the word sorry. I don’t reply; no expression, no all-knowing look, nothing.

He’s the epitome of male perfection with his sandy, dark blond hair and light blue eyes. He’s toned and muscular, but not in a bulky way, and he’s tall with wide shoulders. Not only is he the star of the football team, but also the baseball and male swim teams too. He’s an athlete and pretty much has a clear-cut future with an athletic scholarship to a major university of his choosing.

The only reason I think he’s ever nice to me is because I’m on the girls’ swim team. I steer clear of all team sports, for the most part, and I’m definitely a loner. I’ve been competitively swimming for four years now, and it’s the only thing that I really enjoy besides writing. School is a means to an end for me, and I can’t wait for it to be over. This place is like a sick form of karmic punishment for something I must’ve done in a former life.

After English class, we all file out. I walk slowly, allowing Elizabeth to exit first. Hopefully she’ll forget that I’m behind her. I make my way to my locker only to find notes reading WHORE, along with other expletives in big bold letters, taped to it. I rip the papers off quickly just before Elizabeth walks by, shouldering me hard into the cold metal lockers.

“Oh, excuse me, Jessica. I didn’t see you there,” Elizabeth jeers. “You should wear a slut warning sign that lets the rest of us know you’re there!” she laughs as her followers surround me.

I look to the floor, hugging my books to my chest and shut it all out. This is how I deal with her, with all of them. I lock down, shut it out, and wait for it to be over. She flicks a strand of my hair from my face, and I flinch.

“We all know you slept with Harrison this weekend. You know that Hailey has been seeing him for quite a while. Did you really think you could keep that from us? Huh?” she demands, inching forward. “You better keep your skanky ass away from him. Do you understand me, Jessica?” She’s so close that her words spray flecks of spit onto my face. “He doesn’t want you! None of them want you, bitch!” She slaps her hand on my locker mere inches from the side of my face, and whispers quietly as she leans in closer to my ear.

“Don’t you ever just think about ending it all and sparing us the repulsion of looking at you every day? You’d be doing everyone here a service.” She glares at me with hatred burning in her pools of ice-cold blue. My eyes quickly dart back and forth, looking for an out. I feel hot, too hot, and my skin is clammy.

Breathe.   

Then I hear his voice.

“Liz, leave her the hell alone already!” he scolds, gesturing for her to make her way to second period. “Remember what I said, skank,” she exclaims as she struts off down the hallway.

I look up to see that Jace is still standing here looking at me, his hands shoved into his jean pockets. I feel vulnerable and embarrassed. Why is he causing this awkward, silent moment to happen? I look away nervously and turn back to my locker, opening it quickly with shaky hands.

“Hey, I’m sorry about Liz and her tribe of bitches,” he says as I rustle through my locker, stalling so I don’t have to turn around and make eye contact with him. My hands are trembling, and I’m trying to regain some form of composure after the face-off with Elizabeth.

Just breathe, Jessica.

“Don’t let her rattle you so much. I didn’t hear what she was saying, but I promise you her bark is far more scary than her bite.”

He has no idea what his girlfriend is really like on the inside.

“Are you ready for swim this year? I hope we kick ass like we did last year,” he says, and I wonder why he’s trying to carry on a casual conversation with me. The bell rings.

Thank goodness.

I spin around and look at him with my mask of fake confidence. “Thanks, Jace. And yeah, I’m ready for swim team. I really have to get to class, though,” I mutter. His mouth turns up into a grin and he walks away in the opposite direction.

What was that all about?

Why do you care, Jace? Why?

If Elizabeth sees him carrying on a full-blown conversation with me, she’ll go apeshit. I’m like the plague around here, and the star quarterback talking to me is definitely not a good idea.

The day moves at an arduous pace, but I continue to avoid Elizabeth. I’m not sure what’s worse—this place and the way I seem to be the butt of everyone’s jokes or home where I’m invisible to everyone.

I go to my car and drive home, blasting Seether out of my speakers. I wonder what kind of day Mom is having. She’ll either be drunk, or be Martha Stewart; it’s a fifty-fifty chance.

I stopped caring a long time ago. When she’s not drunk, she tries too hard—it’s smothering. She overcompensates for her lack of parenting on the days she’s drunk as shit. I pull into the driveway and see her sitting on the porch, smoking a cigarette, and holding a glass of wine. There are kids outside playing next door where new neighbors are moving in. Their ball is in my way as I try to park, so I maneuver around it the best I can. A little girl smiles and waves at me as she retrieves the purple ball. I look up as I get out of my car and see Mom smile and wave sloppily at me.

Drunk day today…

“Hi, Mom,” I say hurriedly as I walk past her.

“Hi, sweetie. How wassss your day?” she slurs.

“Great, Mom. It was great!” I say, lying straight through my teeth. Telling her the truth is pointless.

I go inside to my room and slam the door behind me. After locking it, I reach over and pull out my hidden box of razors, alcohol swabs, ointment, and bandages. I flip my iPod docking station on and fall down onto my bed. Hinder plays as I pull up my shirt. Unbuttoning my jeans, I pull them down just barely enough to expose the fresh cut from this morning. I have to be really careful not to let the cuts get infected, so I clean and bandage them daily. It’s a normal routine for me.

I know I’ll have to put on a happy face when my dad gets home. He doesn’t really pay me any attention, but I always feel like he has me under a microscope, looking for any imperfection or mistake. I do my best to avoid him like everyone else in my life. The weekend is the only time I socialize, and that usually involves a guy. Sneaking out every night on the weekends is the norm for me. I’m usually cruising the back roads with whatever guy I’m seeing at the time, which changes often. I’m always too clingy, so they always run scared after they get what they want from me. Sex is my way of connecting, another way to feel something. I guess sex equals love for me since I have no idea what love really feels like. It’s my version of love and it fills a void, so I continue the vicious cycle of sleeping with every guy I go out with. The fact that guys have never noticed my scars really should tell me that they don’t care at all. I know it’s usually dark and they aren’t that visible, but to this day not one guy has noticed. If they have, they’ve never said anything.

After cleaning up my cut, I place a bandage on it and button my pants back up. Placing the box of items back in my nightstand, I pull out my journal and decide to write. I rarely understand why I feel the way I feel every day. Writing is my only true form of expression free from the fear of judgment. I can pour all of my feelings, fears, and frustrations into the pages of my journal and know that they’re all safe from the bullies that make my daily life a living hell. My secrets must stay hidden, just like my pain.

Pulling the cap off of the pen with my teeth, I chew on it anxiously as I write.

You only know the mask I wear

Who am I?

Do I even know?

Black…White… No gray

I either love or I hate

When I want to hold on, I claw instead

No sense of purpose

Eyes that are dead

Regret and rejection I swallow down

I just want someone to love me

Emotional pain creeps all around

When someone hurts me, it hurts forever

Be. Me. For. A. Day.

Let me walk beside you

Let me look over

See the me you see

Then you can walk beside me

See the you that I see

I’ll keep filling the hole in my soul with IOUs

While you keep filling it with I Hate Yous

I shut my journal and text Harrison. We had a good time this past weekend, no matter what Elizabeth had to say about it. Having someone makes me feel happy, even if it’s always short-lived.

Me: Hey, I had fun last weekend. You want to hang out this weekend?

He texts right back, and I instantly feel better. Happier even.

Harrison: Hey, babe. Yeah, I had a blast with you. You really know how to show a guy a good time! I’m not sure about this weekend. Jace and the guys invited me out. It’s just some sort of guys’ night out thing, but I’ll catch you some other time. 😉

My smile fades along with my happiness, and I instantly feel rejected. I want him to want to be with me, not the guys. Why does this always happen? Why do I need them so badly? Why do I want them so badly?

It’s always the same. Every guy I date, I feel consumed by some sort of freakish need. I know it’s not normal, but I can’t make it stop. In the end it either pushes them away, or causes me to go off on an emotionally charged rant toward them. I regret it every time, but the cycle is on repeat nevertheless. I usually talk with them online because they don’t speak to me at school. No one really does—I’m bad for everyone’s reputation. Elizabeth makes sure of that. One day last year, Brian sat with me at lunch and Elizabeth and her group made him sorry he ever did.

My phone buzzes and I see that I have fifteen notifications on Instagram. That’s weird. I never get much action on any of the social media sites. I have no real friends to speak of. I tap the icon and open the app. I touch the little notification bubble and fifteen comments or likes pop up. It’s a picture of me. Shock freezes the blood in my veins as I scroll down. SlutPics123 posted a picture of me hanging myself. A quote bubble above my head says DEAD SLUT HANGING.

They follow me everywhere I go; I can’t escape them! I know Elizabeth and Hailey did this, but this is a new low. Their weapons aren’t illegal, yet they cut me deeper than a blade ever could. Hiding behind electronic shields, they use their words like swords. I wonder what’s worse—the invisible scars they leave or the visible scars I inflict upon myself?

Chapter Three

“I have no one. I need someone.”

—Amanda Todd

Jessica

Another week of school has inched by and I’ve done my best to ignore the picture they put up on Instagram and the ridicule that’s followed it. Being silent may seem weak, but staying silent takes more strength than they’ll ever know.

I’m hoping Harrison will be able to see me this weekend. I’ve tucked a note in his locker, letting him know I’ll be home waiting for his call if he decides he wants to hang out.

He doesn’t really talk to me much at school, which I guess I understand. It would only cause him unwanted drama. Elizabeth and her minions have everyone at school convinced that I’m an infestation of STDs.

Mom is Martha Stewart today, which means a cooked meal for dinner. She’s humming and prattling around in the kitchen like we’re the Cleaver family. Dad will be home soon. He’s having a business partner over for dinner, which also means Mom will be on her best behavior. I’ll stay huddled up in my room for as long as possible until I‘m forced to smile and interact with everyone.

My brother is the star of the family and can do no wrong in Dad’s eyes. Jeff always gets the attention from Dad that I crave. I had hoped that when he left for the University of Texas Dad would finally begin to see me, but that didn’t happen.

I hear my phone buzzing and grab it, hoping it’s Harrison. I swipe the screen, revealing his sexy, tan face.

Harrison: Hey, you wanna hook up tonight after all?

Me: Sure! Where and what time?

Harrison: Meet me down at the parking spot by the water tower at 9 p.m. C you there.

I’m instantly excited, and start rummaging through my closet to find something hot to wear for him. I grab a black miniskirt, red halter top, and my laciest underwear. He never has condoms, so I’ll have to stop and get some at the 7-Eleven on my way there. It’s a given that we’ll have sex. I know it sounds horrible, but I don’t feel bad about it. Guys want it, and if you don’t give it to them, they don’t want you. I want him to want me, so sex is necessary.

I just want to be wanted.

Loved.

After a painstakingly boring meal with Mom, Dad, and his business partner, I change and head out. I tell my parents I’ll be back by curfew, but they won’t notice if I’m late.

I go to the 7-Eleven and buy a pack of condoms. A few get shoved in my purse and I toss the rest in my glove compartment. I check my makeup in the mirror and run my fingers through my long dark hair. I stare into my hazel eyes and wonder what other people see when they look at me.

Do they only see a slut?

A weird girl?

Are they really even looking at all?

I shake the thoughts away and save them for a later time when I can write them in my journal.

I put my little Honda into drive and head out to the town water tower. It’s always been a popular parking place for the local teens. As I get closer, I notice a couple of different cars and wonder why there are people out here so early; it’s usually later before anyone starts showing up. I pull in farther and park.

I scan the area and see a couple glowing cigarettes, but can’t make out who the people are smoking them. My heart rate kicks up; I hope they aren’t I Hate Jessica club members.

Me: Harrison, where are you? I’m here.

About five minutes pass by, but I hear nothing back from him. I decide to wait a little longer, because I really want to see him. I jump when I hear a knock at my window, and turn to see Elizabeth staring back at me with a smug grin on her face. My heart jams into my throat, and my breathing speeds up into high gear. At least when she corners me at school there’s usually an out. It’s a crowded, public place with adults around to prevent any serious situations. But this? This is very different. I have no idea why she’s here, how she knew I was here, or what she wants with me.

She beats on my window as her friends circle around my car. I quickly start my engine and throw the gear in reverse. I need to get the hell out of here. Just as I start backing up, Harrison pulls in right behind me, blocking my exit. I’m now completely boxed in. Maybe this is best, like I’ve always wanted. She can do whatever she wants to me and be done with it.

I really don’t care anymore.

“Get out of the damn car, whore!”

I turn and glance toward the front of my car just as Hailey pours a beer all over the hood. Harrison walks up puts his arm around Hailey affectionately, and my stomach clenches in anguish.

How could he do this? Did he trick me so that I’d come out here and they could torture me? Why would he be so cruel? I’ve always done everything he’s asked of me. I’ve always tried to make him happy. How could he do this to me? Tears start to well up in my eyes, but I quickly get myself under control, not wanting them to see me break. I reach over and open my door, step out, and am instantly shoved back against the cold metal of my car.

“I told you earlier this week that Harrison was Hailey’s. You just wouldn’t listen, would you, skank? Hailey saw your texts to him. Did you really think he was going to keep seeing you? He’s not going to lose the captain of the cheerleading squad for the captain of the blow job team,” Elizabeth hisses sarcastically.

Everyone laughs as I stand there. Just before I open my mouth to antagonize her, Bentley comes up behind her and wraps his arms around her, kissing her neck. Has she broken up with Jace, or is she being the whore that she always claims me to be?  Bravery finds its way to my tongue, and I do the stupidest thing I could ever do.

I poke the snake when it’s ready to strike.

“Where’s Jace, Elizabeth? Does he know you’re out here screwing around on him with Bentley? Maybe I’ll let him know and he can be my next fuck. I bet I can show him things he never dreamed of when he was with you.” I smirk and cross my arms over my chest. Adrenaline courses through my veins as I await her response.

Her eyes grow wide and she gasps as everyone starts laughing and heckling her over my comment. “Bentley and I are just friends, you stupid bitch. Mind your own damn business. Who the fuck do you think you are anyway?” She slaps me with all her strength and heat creeps across my face. Grabbing me by the shoulders, she slams me into the car even harder.

“All of a sudden you’ve got some newfound courage tonight, huh? You’re going to regret ever saying that shit to me. And if you insinuate that I was doing anything other than hanging with friends to Jace, tonight will feel like a walk in the park compared to what will happen to you next.”

She grabs me by my arm and yanks me away from the car.

“Hailey, get your ass over here and help me. This shit is all your damn fault anyway. Your boyfriend’s the one that can’t keep his dick in his pants!”

I look into her evil eyes defiantly, practically begging her to beat the hell out of me.

Don’t do it, Jessica. Don’t make it worse.

“Go fuck yourself, Elizabeth,” I reply in a raspy, nervy voice. I make it worse.

I feel like I’m moving in slow motion as I let her manhandle me, not trying to defend myself at all. I don’t care, so I just let her and Hailey do whatever they want.

Maybe Harrison will feel sorry for me and want me afterward.

I squeeze my eyes shut at the pathetic thoughts rolling through my equally pathetic mind. Their laughter ebbs away slowly as I slip into my locked-down world of numbness. I open my eyes, and despite my efforts to block it all out, my stomach twists in anticipation of what will happen next. Harrison glances up at me, his eyes full of mockery and disgust.

“Act like a whore, Jessica, and you’ll keep getting treated like one,” he spouts.

How I thought he liked me, I don’t know. Hailey and Elizabeth are dragging me along while everyone else hoots and hollers. I look back at Harrison with hatred in my eyes, in my heart.

“I hate you, Harrison!”

He laughs and grabs his crotch. “You sure weren’t hating on this last weekend, baby,” he mocks. Joe Fitzer, another guy from the football team, pats Harrison on the shoulder and laughs. “Hey, Jessica, I’m single. Maybe you can show me the same TLC you showed my homeboy Harrison.” Joe winks at me as he takes a draw from his beer.

Hailey grips my arm tighter, hearing the guys’ words. “Shut the hell up, you horny bastards! No one cares how you let this skank-ass tramp blow you or how you want to get into her STD-infested panties!”

Elizabeth spins me around, grabs my wrists in her left hand, then rears up and slaps me on the left side of my face again. The only fight I put up is the one to gulp down the sobs trying to escape my throat.

“How’s that, whore? You like that?” Hailey hisses. “Think about that next time you want to fuck someone else’s man!”

She spits in my face, and they shove me to the ground. I can feel the sand and rocks dig into the flesh of my bare knees. My neck cranes, and I grimace at the pain before my head is jerked back violently by Elizabeth yanking me by my hair.

“Apologize, you slut! Tell Hailey you’re sorry for screwing around with her man!”

The thought of me owing her an apology is such a joke. What about him? He chose to be with me over her.

“Do it, bitch!” Elizabeth screams as she tightens her grip and pulls my hair harder. Hairs are ripping out of my scalp, but I don’t answer. I won’t give her what she wants. Not yet, at least. Then she reaches down and rips my earring from my left ear, throwing it to the ground in her rage. I let out a small cry at the pain as warm blood from my earlobe trickles down my neck. Things are no longer comical—not that I ever thought they were—and I know they’re far from finished with me.

I glance up and see the lights of several phones all pointed in my direction. They’re videoing all of this like I’m some freak show type of entertainment.

“Get your phone, Hailey. Take some pictures of this bitch getting what she deserves.”

Closing my eyes, I try to keep myself under control before looking back up at them. The unspoken challenge in their eyes taunts me; it begs for me to antagonize them further. I shouldn’t, but I do. I say words that mean nothing to me anyway.

“I’m sorry for making your man come more times in a few weekends than you ever will in his lifetime!” I shout smugly.

I know I shouldn’t have, but I couldn’t help it. My impulsivity won over. All I want to do is hurt her; humiliate her in front of everyone, even if it means putting my promiscuous ways on display.

I hold back the tears that want to come, realizing just how humiliating all of this is for me.

Hailey kicks me in the chest, forcing me backward onto the dirty ground. She holds her phone out, taking pictures of me as I try to gain my bearings. I hear my heart pulsate in my ears, and anxiety rushes through me. My instincts say to get up, but I don’t. Any bravery I had is long gone, but, to tell the truth, I don’t think it was ever really there.

For once, I wish I were invisible. I don’t want this. I know that now. I thought if they could have their way with me that they’d somehow lose interest, but looking up at them I can plainly see that this is only adding fuel to their fire.

Elizabeth reaches down, digging her nails into my arm and screaming wildly at me as she struggles to pull me back up. “Get the hell up, you whore, and fight back! You’re making this way too easy. Where’s the fun in that?” She laughs, looking back at the small group crowded around us.

Grabbing another handful of my hair, she lifts her right hand up and backhands me again with all the force she can garner. I fall to the ground, bracing myself with my hands. My face is inches from the dirt and rocks, and before I can push myself back up her knee digs in between my shoulder blades, pinning me down. My face collides with hundreds of little jagged edges, and the metallic taste of blood fills my mouth.

Giving up, I don’t struggle under her or try to get away. I completely detach from all the pain, all the degradation, and lie there in defeat. For the moment, the humiliation and shame I should feel is absent, but I know it will come. It always does. Searing blows to my ribs on both sides rock my body and I realize they’re kicking me. After long minutes of pain my body goes still, and I hear the rocks crunching beneath their feet.

“Next time you think about fucking someone’s man, remember tonight, whore! We’ll happily kick your narrow ass again any day!” Elizabeth shouts as car doors slam shut. The sounds of wheels kicking up dirt and gravel as they rev their engines and speed out onto the dark blacktop road fill the air. The grit slides beneath my nails as I dig my fingers into the dirt. With shaky arms, I struggle to push myself up, but my body rejects my efforts. I cough and the pain that seizes me is too much to bear. Allowing my body to drop back down heavily, I close my eyes. The dim light from the moon disappears slowly, bleeding into blackness behind my eyes.

***

My eyelids begin to flutter open when I hear a soft male voice. I hear words, but my brain can’t register their meaning. I can focus only on the pain shooting through my entire body and the taste of blood in my mouth. Gentle hands roll me over, warm arms envelop me, and soft fingers brush the hair from my face. I breathe in intense warmth and the smell of peppermint. My eyes can’t focus, but even in this foggy state the immense pressure of his gaze upon me is undeniable. My body wants, but fails to respond to the embrace.

“Hey, open your eyes. Look at me, Jessica. I’m going to help you, okay? It’s me, Jace,” I hear him whisper as my mind starts to resurface from the depths of darkness. He pulls me up, supporting me when my knees buckle. “Come on, it’s okay. I can carry you.”

… Continued…

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by Kathryn Perez
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