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KND Freebies: The deeply romantic TOXIC by bestselling Rachel Van Dyken is featured in today’s Free Kindle Nation Shorts excerpt

***Amazon Top Ten Bestseller***
in New Adult Romance
and
Coming of Age Fiction
From the New York Times and USA Today bestselling author Rachel Van Dyken…
comes
the second book of her wildly popular Ruin series — new adult romance at its best.You met the handsome and mysterious Gabe in Book I. Now find out the rest of his story in TOXIC, a romantic, deeply emotional novel of secrets and redemption.

Toxic (The Ruin Series Book 2)

by Rachel Van Dyken

4.8 stars – 174 Reviews
Text-to-Speech: Enabled
Here’s the set-up:

Everyone has a secret…

Gabe Hyde is on borrowed time. He’s been hiding his identity for over four years–hidden from the world that used to adore him–obsess over him–driven to the edge of insanity by one poor choice. But that one choice, altered the course of his life forever. Pretending isn’t all it’s cracked up to be, especially when pretending means hiding your real self from the people that care about you the most. But if anyone ever discovered the truth it wouldn’t just be his life at risk–but hers.Saylor doesn’t hate men. Just Gabe. Only Gabe. He’s a reckless, happy-go-lucky, silver spoon fed pain in her ass. Everything about him makes her more and more confused. Unfortunately they both donate time at the same Group Home. If she wasn’t afraid of flunking, she’d be long gone.

She hates that she’s attracted to him almost as much as he hates that he’s attracted to her–and she can tell, especially since their first encounter ended up making her knees so weak she couldn’t form coherent sentences for weeks afterwards. But the closer she gets to him, the more confused she becomes. He isn’t who he says he is, and he’s hiding something big.

What happen when two worlds collide? Two worlds that never should have met in the first place? Some secrets are too big to be hidden forever–the only question? Will his destroy everyone he loves? Or finally bring about the redemption he’s been craving for the past four years?

Everyone has a secret…What’s yours?

5-star praise for TOXIC:

OMG WONDERFUL
“Rachel Van Dyken delivers a STELLAR book in this series…[Gabe] has had a painful and damaging past that rips your heart out. But to see this tortured soul reform and find peace was so beautiful. The love story Rachel gives us is an amazing one…”

Another Heart Wrenching Story!
“If you read Ruin, and you loved it, and you cried — and you fell in love — expect all that in Toxic, but times your emotions by 3! Seriously!…”

an excerpt from

Toxic

by Rachel Van Dyken

 

Copyright © 2014 by Rachel Van Dyken  and published here with her permission

Prologue

The end of Spring Semester

            I would have followed her anywhere.

It’s funny isn’t it? People claim to know what love is — yet the minute they’re given the opportunity to prove it — they bail.

I wish I could have bailed. I wish I could have walked away four years ago. Then maybe I’d have the strength to walk away now. To look her in the eyes and say, “Sorry, but I can’t do this again.”

People rarely mean what they say. To me, sorry was just another word in the English language that people misused — like love.

I love ice cream, I love pancakes, I love the color blue — bullshit. Because when I said love — I meant I bled for you. When the word love actually leaves my lips — I’m speaking it into existence. I’m empowering my soul — I’m joining with yours.

I’d always heard about crossroads, how people are given choices in their lives, choices that either make or break them. I never realized that I’d be given that second chance; I never realized I’d fail to take it.

Her eyes pleaded with mine. My heart shattered in my chest, my lips moved to speak — to say anything to get her to understand the depth of what I was feeling, but I knew the minute I told her how I felt — it would be all over.

My heart, my soul, it couldn’t survive anything happening to her. If she wasn’t in my world, my heart would stop. I knew it was killing her — because it was destroying me.

But going back to that life.

Even for her.

Was out of the question.

Falling in love, jumping out, even knowing full well that she’d catch me. It wasn’t an option. Because everyone knows, when it comes to love, it’s not the fall that hurts… it’s the landing. And I knew it was only matter of time before she gave up on me too and allowed me to break.

Because in the end… that’s all I was — broken. A shell of a human.

“I don’t understand!” She beat against my chest with her fists. “You promised me! You promised you’d never leave!” Tears streamed down her face, the face I used to love. I closed my eyes then looked behind me as Saylor clenched the keys in her hand, waiting for my decision.

I was at a crossroads all right. One path led to my future — the other to my past and utter self destruction.

I couldn’t look at her. I ignored every thread of feeling — and relished the pain of my heart breaking into a million pieces as I held out my hand in front of me. “You’re right, I promised.”

“Gabe!” Saylor yelled from behind me. “It doesn’t have to be like this.”

“Don’t you see?” I said quietly without turning around. “It’s always been like this, it will always be like this. I warned you.”

“But—”

“Enough!” I yelled, tears threatening to stream down my face. “I said enough. You should go.”

Behind me, the door slammed.

“It’s okay!” she said, cupping my face. “It will finally be okay!”

“Alright, Princess.” I choked on the word. “Alright.” I tightened the pink scarf around her neck and put my arm around her.

“Thanks.” She sighed happily. “You always promised you’d take care of me. You can’t leave, you can’t—”

“I won’t.” I vowed, because it was my fault. Just like everything else.

“Can we go play now, Gabe?”

“Yeah, sweetheart, we can.” I folded the blanket around her legs and pushed her wheelchair out of the room, knowing full well that I was choosing the wrong path — with every step I took.

Chapter One

Sad moment officially gone, just please, for the love of God, get a room —Gabe H.

Gabe

Middle of Spring Semester

“Focus, Kiersten.” I snapped my fingers in front of her face. “Stages of mitosis. Go.”

We’d been sitting at the local Starbucks all morning. The smell of ground coffee was beginning to make me sick — I had nobody to blame but myself. Apparently ground coffee is what a new leaf smelled like. And I’d officially turned one over.

Kierten’s eyes darted to the textbook. I scooted it away and waited patiently, folding my hands on the table.

Her mouth dropped open to answer, a blank stare followed and then a groan. “G-a-a-a-a-be.” She smiled. “Can’t we take a coffee break? Please?”

“Don’t stick out your lower lip.”

She stuck it out anyway.

“Kiersten…” I warned.

“Please!” She gripped my hands in hers and pouted some more.

I gave in with a heavy sigh — you know, to show that I wasn’t happy about giving in to her demands even though that’s how it always was with our friendship. She said jump and I said where, how high, how long, and how fast can I do your bidding? “Fine, we’ll take a coffee break.”

“Yes!” She slammed the book shut. “My turn to treat.” Her ridiculously cute smile made me laugh. Hell, she always made me laugh, and I so needed to laugh at this point in my life. Besides, if I didn’t laugh I was pretty sure I’d break down sobbing and the last thing the world needed was for me to suddenly make sure everyone was aware that I had feelings.

Damn, I didn’t even want to be aware.

“Nope.” I waved her off then had to physically restrain her from hopping off toward the counter. “I got it. Plus, Wes would kill me if he knew I made you pay for your own coffee.”

“You guys spoil me too much.” She sat back against her chair and crossed her arms. “You’re going to have to let me go soon, Gabe. Both you and Wolf,” she said, using Wes’s nickname. “I can’t live in your protective bubble forever.” She yawned and accidently hit her hand on the wall beside her.

“Aw, little Lamb,” I teased, using Wes’s nickname for her. “Get a boo-boo?”

“Shut it.”

“I’ll just go get your coffee.”

Her eyes narrowed. “You do that, Turtle.”

If she was a dude, I would have flipped her off. Instead, I laughed and walked away.

I’d been making fun of her and Wes’s nicknames for each other — Lamb and Wolf — and in return had been gifted with one of my own, on account of my idiot cousin, Lisa, deciding to tell them the story about how I’d had a pet turtle when I was little and had cried when it died.

But come on! That turtle was bad ass! I had a freaking funeral for the little guy — I full on wept.

Not a proud moment.

“The usual?” I called back.

She folded her hands in front of her like she was praying and shouted, “Please!”

With a smile I turned around and went to stand in line — trying to look casual, easy-going, normal. Ha! Funny how I used to actually practice being normal.

I’d looked in the mirror and had to tell myself to visibly relax my lips, shoulders, muscles. I had to own the look because things had been crazy for so long — and apparently I had a certain way of walking that made people recognize me. Who knew, right? At any rate, I was a bad ass ninja master of disguise, and it wasn’t just my life that depended on it, but hers as well.

Maybe it was my graduation — but ever since the start of this last semester I’d felt edgy — irritated, as if I was some sorry ass sitting outside waiting for a storm cloud. I had no reason to feel that way — I just did, and honestly? It freaked me out a bit. I hoped it was just a side effect of not sleeping around with every single girl on campus. Maybe that was what not having sex did to guys… made them paranoid and jumpy as hell.

“What can I get you?” The barista asked, her demeanor cool, aloof.

I leaned forward and smiled brightly. “That depends, what are you offering?”

“Damn.” She snapped her fingers. “You confused? The sex shop is just down the street.” With a wink, she leaned forward and whispered, “We serve coffee here.”

“How…” I licked my lips slowly, falling easily back into old habits. “…embarrassing.” My heart started to race as I greedily scanned her tight little body, just barely hidden by the green apron. It was my game — the only thing I had going for me. The only thing that numbed me to my past — to everything. Don’t feel sorry for me. I loved every damn minute of it — because it was one more minute I wasn’t thinking about the past.

The past, the past, the past. Ah, there it was, the reason I kept it in my pants now. My promise to Wes, and worse — my promise to myself. She wouldn’t want me to be this way — I was torn between feeling guilty about how I acted and also feeling relieved that at least there was still something that choked the sadness away from my existence.

“It happens,” she replied breathlessly, her eyes widening as she took in my body. I was used to it. I lived for it. I survived on it.

And then, she flipped her hair.

A whiff of perfume hit me square in the face, shaking off any sort of lust I had going for me.

Shit. It was the same perfume.

Shaking, I jerked back forcing a weak laugh. “Anyways, um, can we just have two large caramel lattes? Triple shot and put extra whipped cream on one of them.”

“Oh.” The girl’s face went completely red as she typed in the order and shook her head. “Is that all?”

Her voice was pitifully hopeful.

But I’d already made up my mind.

Or maybe it was my body that was made up first, then my mind. Either way, I felt like puking, like running outside and not stopping until I was either in the music room or on my Harley.

“Yup.” I handed her my credit card, my fingers tensing around the sharp edges of the plastic. “That’s all.”

She swiped, handed it back, muttered asshole under her breath, and I walked around to wait for the cups and make sure she didn’t spit in anything before our coffee made it into my hands.

Within minutes I had our coffee and was already sitting back at the table.

“So…” Kiersten took a slow sip. “How’s life?”

I rolled my eyes. “Can we not do this?”

“Do what?” She shrugged innocently.

“The whole you ask me how I’m doing over and over again and just pray I’ll crack or worse yet, start crying and spouting out all my dirty—” I leaned in. “Little.” I leaned in a bit more “Secrets.”

“Your sex eyes don’t work on me,” Kiersten said, her voice sounding bored as hell.

I shrugged helplessly and took a long sip of coffee. “Worth a shot.”

“Worth getting shot?” Kiersten corrected. “Because that’s what would happen. Wes would shoot you.”

“Wes hates violence,” I defended.

“No, he doesn’t hate it.” Kiersten laughed and looked to the door. “Oh my gosh… is that her?”

“Her who?” Kiersten knew I didn’t do names — I rarely recognized the girls I slept with unless they walked up to me with their shirts lifted over their heads. Okay fine, so it wasn’t that bad, but pretty damn close. I swear it was easier to tell people apart that way.

“Raylynn.” Kiersten lowered her voice. “That’s her!”

“Don’t call her over,” I mumbled under my breath. That bitch was psycho. I slept with her once. One time! And she all but stalked me for three months! Kiersten had really liked her and thought she was pretty; therefore, my opinion didn’t matter. And nothing would make Kiersten happier than to see me settle down and stop whoring around, or so she told me every few days when she felt the urge to mama-bear me. Little did she know it had been months, which felt like years, decades… Oh, hell. Who was I kidding? It felt like death.

“Oh look, she sees me!” Kiersten said happily.

“I wonder if it’s because you’re waving.”

“Stretching.”

“Waving.”

“Raylynn!” Kiersten said in a cheerful voice that sounded like she was a cheerleader in another life. “How have you been?”

“Good.”

All eyes turned to me.

I stared into my coffee. Kiersten kicked me under the table. With a curse I looked up and said, “Yo.”

“Yo?” Kiersten mouthed across the table.

“Er, hi.” Raylynn blushed.

Damn it.

Her pale complexion and bright blonde hair did nothing to hide the fact that she was embarrassed.

I tried again. “How have you been?”

“Busy.” She cleared her throat, her eyes darting between me and my coffee as if waiting for me to ask her to sit down or worse yet, ask her on another date.

And dead silence. Again. I suddenly experienced the exact definition of a pregnant pause.

“Well…” Kiersten cleared her throat loudly then kicked me under the table. “It was great seeing you!”

“You too.” Raylynn looked at me one last time then, shoulders slumping, walked off.

“You ass!” Kiersten kicked my shin again. “And yo? Did you say yo? No one as white as you should ever say that word. Ever. I don’t care if you get kidnapped and the only way to be free is to either say yo or gnaw your own arm off. Gnaw the arm, Gabe. Don’t say…yo.”

“Who said yo?” a male voice interrupted.

“Ah, Wolf.” I teased, happy that I wasn’t alone anymore with Kiersten’s peering eyes and difficult questions.

“Turtle,” he fired back.

“Gabe said yo.”

“Out loud?” Wes all but shouted. “Is he trying to get jumped?”

I groaned into my hands and waited for them to stop talking about me like I wasn’t there.

It was a regular occurrence with them. Kiersten would say something like I’m worried about Gabe, then Wes would say, Is he not eating? and I’d raise my hand and say, He’s just fine, he ate a burrito a half hour ago.

“Guys!” I snapped, and dropped my hands to the table. “I’m fine, everything is fine. I said yo, I’m gangster, deal with it.”

They both stared at me as if I’d just announced I was going to be a monk.

“I heard something this morning.” Wes reached for Kiersten’s coffee and took a long sip then leaned back against the chair. If I wasn’t his best friend I’d effing hate him. He was the ideal All American Football Star. Quarterback, dark blond hair, blue eyes, buff, easy going. Yup, I’d freaking hate him.

“Oh yeah?” My eyes narrowed. “Tell me, Gossip Girl, what did you hear?” I took a long sip of coffee.

“Dry spell.”

I spit out the coffee onto the table and all but choked to death. Damn Lisa, damn family, damn cousin. “I have no idea what you’re referring to.”

“Right.” Wes licked his lips but dropped it. He leaned over and kissed Kiersten on the top of her head, then pulled her silky scarf tighter around her body.

That simple motion — almost made me lose it.

The tightening of a scarf — made me want to end my own life. If people only knew — if only I could trust people enough to tell, to explain, how wrecked I was on the inside.

But no. I was playing a part. I was Gabe. I would never be him again, I would never be my past again.

Kiersten laughed and kissed Wes’s nose.

It was too much. Everything was suddenly too much, and in that moment I knew. It was too much four years ago — my time was up. The storm cloud was coming. “Look guys, I gotta run.”

“Alright.” Kiersten barely took her eyes off Wes. “See you for Taco Tuesday?”

“Yup.” I didn’t turn around. I didn’t wave. I grabbed my shit, and I ran out that door like the fires of hell were licking at my heels.

Because for the first time in four years — the time bomb was about to go off and I wasn’t so sure how I was going to handle everything.

My phone went off with a text.

Puget Sound N: She needs you. Can you call and sing? Or maybe send her a picture text?

Oh look, the bomb… it was ticking.

Me: Yeah. I’ll call in a few.

Chapter Two

People will go through their entire lives justifying every damn decision…they’ll fight for all the wrong things, until finally the right thing stares at them square in the face. That’s when the choices start to matter. Because in the end, you’re a creature of habit. So you may want to choose right, but choose wrong in the end — because you’re so damn used to it. It’s tragic, then again, life’s tragic, don’t you think? –Wes Michels

Gabe

“The dry spell’s really getting to you, isn’t it?” Lisa felt my forehead.

I smacked her hand away and rolled my eyes.

“You can’t call it a dry spell when it’s by choice,” I grumbled. “And by the way, thanks for telling Wes.” I’d run out of the Starbucks and headed directly to Lisa’s dorm room in hopes of talking to her about everything. Instead, she’d answered the door, her sweet smile conveying without words that she would always be there for me and she’d always understand.

Except this time — I had refused to burden her.

I looked at her now, several days after making that decision, and realized that had been our entire relationship. I give you my pain, you give me yours. And I was sick of it. I hated that she was part of it, and I hated that for the first time in four years I’d finally decided to grow a pair of balls and leave her the hell out of it — she didn’t deserve the darkness.

I, however, did.

“And cranky.” She plopped down onto the couch and messed up my hair with her hands. “You need to get out more.”

“Question.” I put the TV on mute and pushed her away. “Weren’t you telling me a few weeks ago that I was going either going to die alone or from too many STDs?”

Lisa’s blue eyes twinkled in amusement as she snatched the remote and turned the volume back up “Don’t be dramatic. I said you were going to die alone with STD’s.” She flipped her dark wavy hair over her shoulder and laughed.

“Right. Big difference, awesome encouragement. Cousin of the year.” I groaned and leaned back against the couch. I was just getting comfortable when a pillow hit me in the face.

Swearing a blue streak, I jumped to my feet.

Wes held out the pillow and tilted his head. “Rough morning? Where’d you go anyways?”

“Dude.” I croaked and just shook my head. Not him, not again. I was cracking.

The door to the dorm opened, revealing a tuckered out Kiersten. She was sweating like crazy, so I could only assume Wes made her workout with him after our morning study session. Swear, they did everything together, practically lived together since they’d gotten engaged. I didn’t mind — correction I didn’t mind that much, but the PDA was getting a little tiring. Case in point — today at the coffee shop I probably escaped right before he swallowed her whole.

“You look like someone just died,” Kiersten joked coming up alongside Wes and leaning against him.

Damn. Perfect-looking couple. They’d have beautiful kids. Wow, I’ve completely lost my shit. Was I really thinking about them procreating? And getting emotional about it? Oh look, there’s something in my eye. A freaking tear. Hell, I needed to get out.

“Hah.” My eyes narrowed. “Still too soon.”

“Damn, no death jokes?” Wes laughed and pulled a sweaty Kiersten into his arms, attacking her mouth with such force that I, Gabe Hyde, slut of the year, felt like blushing.

“Guys, not here by the food.” I pointed to the fruit on the table. “It’s weird.”

“Making out next to bananas?” Wes pulled away from Kiersten. “Really, man? Coming from you? Seriously, what’s wrong with you?”

The room fell silent. Great. Perfect. I shrugged and forced a smile. “Oh, you know, my demented cousin claims it’s a dry spell.”

“Right.” Wes snapped his fingers. “I almost forgot about that fun little piece of information.”

“For the last time!” I all but yelled. “It’s not a dry spell if it’s by choice!” I rarely yelled. Everyone stared at me like I’d just lost my shit. I was a lover not a fighter. The slutty flirt that slept with anything it could. The guy who could charm the pants off a federal judge. Yelling? Anger? Yeah… I bit my lower lip and scowled at the floor. Tick-tock, tick-tock. I really was losing it.

“Right.” Wes’s eyes narrowed. “Hey, uh, Gabe, I need help with something. Can you come with me to my room real quick?”

“Sure,” I said slowly, my eyes darting between him and Kiersten. She pretended to be totally oblivious to the tension between me and Wes.

“See ya, at dinner, Wes.” She kissed his cheek and skipped into her room slamming the door behind her.

“Use protection.” Lisa called after Wes and me once we reached the door.

“Hilarious!” I yelled above her laughter.

We walked in silence to Wes’s room. Why did I suddenly feel like I was about to get a dad lecture? I was sweating. What the hell!

The elevator was silent as it made its way to the sixth floor. You could hear a pin drop. I followed Wes down the hall and finally into his room.

Even though he’d gone through cancer treatments at the beginning of last year, they still allowed him to stay as Freshman RA, so at least I knew we wouldn’t have roommates barging in on us while he laid into me about raising my voice around girls.

Once we were inside, he shut the door, locked it, and threw one of his footballs at my face.

“Why?” I ducked. He threw another one. I barely caught it before it smashed into my nose. “What the hell, Wes!”

“Finally!” He all but shouted. “A reaction. You’re like a freaking zombie. What gives? And don’t lie. Kiersten said you were acting weird this morning too.”

I yawned, attempting to look bored, even though my palms were sweating something fierce. “Nothing, man, just school stuff.”

“School stuff?” Wes repeated. “You really wanna go with that excuse?”

“Drugs?” I offered.

He snorted. “Yeah, right.”

“Jackass.”

“Whore.”

“Wes—”

“What?” He took a seat by his desk and crossed his arms. “What’s going on?”

I didn’t spill my guts. I knew I owed him everything — hell, I felt like he practically saved my life when he almost died, he made me feel like living again. His strength was like gravity, pulling everyone within a fifty-mile radius into its center. You couldn’t help but want to be better when you were around him, and that was the problem.

“I’m aging man, and we both know cancer can come back at any time.”

“Seriously!” I threw the football back at his face. “This is what I’m talking about!”

“What?” He caught the football and twirled it in the air. “Speak up, I can’t hear you.”

I groaned into my hands, “You’re so damn perfect. It really is irritating as hell.”

“Thanks.” He flashed a smile.

“I’m serious.”

“I know.”

I groaned again.

“Gabe—”

I reached into my pocket — the locket was cold against my fingertips. “Have you ever messed up so bad that—”

“That what?”

I averted my gaze. “I just… you’re my best friend, don’t get me wrong, but I feel like you never do anything terrible. You’re smarter than most therapists, you have tons of money, you’re like a freaking god around this place…  Oh right, and a walking miracle. Check all those off the list. I know life hasn’t been easy for you, but you don’t mess up, you roll with the punches and move on. I just wish I knew how to do that.”

Wes laughed out loud. “Wow, a little freaked out that your opinion of me is that high. Do I really need to make a list of all the times I’ve screwed up in life?”

“It would help,” I grumbled, crossing my arms.

A few seconds of utter and complete silence went by. I didn’t mind though. Wes and I were like that. We didn’t always have to be talking or arguing or laughing. Sometimes silence was what I needed most and he knew that about me. He knew more than anyone — even Lisa. And I had a sneaking suspicion he knew every damn part I played was an act.

“What’s really going on?”

“The weight.” I cursed. “It’s wrapped around my legs, pulling me deeper into the darkest depths of the ocean and for once, I want to let it.”

“Why?”

My head snapped up. Wes’s eyes didn’t hold judgment, just concern. “Because I deserve to sink.”

“Doesn’t everyone?”

“No, you don’t get it.” I got up and started pacing. “You know how you always felt like nobody understood? Remember when you said you’d drink shitty coffee the rest of your life if you could just live? Remember all those talks about people just walking through life without a damn clue about your pain? Your journey?”

Wes nodded.

I started to sweat. I gripped the locket harder until it had to be making an imprint onto my fingertips. “How does a person deserve life?”

“Trick question,” Wes answered softly. “We don’t.”

My phone simultanously buzzed and sounded in my pocket, interrupting our talk. It was my mom’s ringtone — she’d called at least five times in the last hour. I knew I should probably talk to her, but it just brought up too many bad memories. And, I was officially late for class.

I stabbed at the ignore button and grimaced at Wes. “Listen, I gotta go. Can we talk later?”

Wes waved me off. “Of course, just don’t go jumping off any buildings or sleeping with the entire swim team again and we’ll be good.”

I rolled my eyes. “Later.”

“And don’t forget Taco Tuesday!” he yelled as the door slammed shut behind me.

Chapter Three

My reflection was foreign… I didn’t even remember myself — the guy I was. I’d been living with that damn mask for so long that I’d completely lost it — all of it. Thank God. —Gabe H.

Gabe

I made my way to class. It was a bit of a trek — UW was a huge school and on any other day I probably would have ridden my Harley, but I needed the walk. I could only hope it would clear my head.

As I crossed the street, a prickling awareness wrapped itself around me. I stopped walking toward the business building and looked behind me. Nothing. Just people walking back and forth, talking, smoking, laughing — all of them in their own little worlds. I liked it that way. Really. I’d only had a few close calls over the course of the last few years, and now that I was graduating in a few months, I was almost home free.

I’d wanted to go to school — I’d needed normal more than I’d needed money, excitement, all of it. My parents hadn’t understood. Then again, they didn’t understand anything that didn’t have to do with what they wanted for my life. How could they not get that the reason I almost died and ruined my life was because they wanted me to be something I wasn’t? I laughed out loud and stuffed my hands into my jeans pockets to caress the cool metal locket. Each year I’d gone back to LA with a different tattoo. The next more offensive than the last. When I pierced my nose I think my mom about had a heart attack. Dad all but disowned me.

Pity. I would have liked to be disowned.

Lisa always warned me not to push them too far — she was afraid I might be tattled on. All it would take would be for my dad to announce my secrets to the media and I’d be done for. The secrets? My past? Front page news. The life I’d built? Changed forever.

I swallowed the fear and continued walking toward the building. Two months until school ended, and then I could start my own life, away from my family, away from the painful memories, and away from the man I used to be.

I felt better once I stepped into the old building. Homework was something I could focus on… I might look like I was part of some punk rock band, but I had straight A’s for a reason. I needed to be successful in order to get the hell out from underneath my family’s grasp. I could almost feel their hands wrapping around my neck, choking the life out of me just like before.

I jumped when my phone buzzed in my pocket. I quickly answered it and leaned against the wall, closing my eyes as my heart clattered against my chest.

I needed to get it together — fast.

“Hey!” Lisa said from the other line. “What’cha doin?”

“Going to class like a good boy. Why? Are you in trouble?”

Lisa rarely called me during the day unless she needed a ride… or food… or… Okay fine, so she called me all the time. It just felt lame that she was one of my only friends.

“Nah.” She cleared her throat. “I, um, I just thought you should hear it from me.”

“Hear it?” I repeated. “Hear what?”

“My mom called.” She paused.

“Lisa, what the hell? Just spit it out,” I growled, trying to sound annoyed, when really I was terrified of the news Lisa was going to tell me. I hated fear. It made me feel weak. And weakness was a close second on the list of things I never wanted to feel again.

“Your father… he’s…” She took a deep breath then finished in a rush. “He’s gotten into some financial trouble…  nothing huge. I mean, he can’t touch your trust found, but well, my mom talked to your mom, and she’s worried he’s going to sell your story to the media for money.”

My heartbeat roared in my ears, adrenaline surged through my body as I looked wildly around me — for him, for cameras, for reporters. Shit, I was going to be sick. My hand started trembling so bad that the phone clamored against my ear. My entire body went cold. Shaking, I scanned the area again and stepped into the shadow of the building. “Sorry, Lisa. Thanks for letting me know, but I gotta go, I gotta—” I hung up and started running. I wasn’t even sure in what direction I was going. I could have hit a tree for all I cared. My legs pumped harder and harder as the cold air hit my face. I could still feel them chasing me. I could taste the blood in my mouth from biting my tongue.

“Was it an accident?” the reporter asked. “You’re over eighteen. Do you think you’ll be held responsible?” She lifted the microphone in my face and waited.

I looked around for help.

No one.

Who was I kidding? Nobody was going to help me. She was gone.

“Um, no, no comment,” I stuttered.

“Is that your answer for everything?” a male reporter fired out.

I stared into his cold black eyes and nodded. “For now it is.”

“Shit! Shit! Shit!” I ran my hands through my hair and slowed down as I made my way back toward the dorms. What the hell could I give him to keep him from going to press? I had money but couldn’t access all of it until I was twenty-two, which wasn’t for another four months. I got a monthly stipend of five grand a month. I could take my money out of all my investments but would that solve anything? Would he ever stop? I could give him everything I had, which was roughly ten mill, and he’d probably still find a way to spend it all and come after me. It wasn’t the money. I wasn’t stupid. I was his cash cow. He was still pissed I’d walked away.

Funny. Dad hadn’t been upset that my squeaky clean image had been wrecked by drug usage, drinking, and the horror that followed. He was pissed that I’d run, that I’d given up what was, in his estimation, a gold mine.

I jogged past my dorm.

And jumped onto my old Harley. I needed out — an escape. Drugs were out of the question — which left only one thing.

I rode as hard as I could toward the music building. My bike almost fell over as I parked it and ran up the stairs to one of the private rooms. Once inside I locked the door behind me, pulled the blinds down, and sat at the piano.

My heart pounded in my chest as the ivory keys stared back at me — called to me.

My addiction.

Four years.

I’d stayed away from the piano for four damn years.

Not anymore.

The bomb went off, the timer dinged, my hands caressed the piano. I groaned aloud and slumped onto the wooden bench, my body taking its natural position over the instrument.

I wasn’t even sure I knew how to play anymore — how to sing — how to communicate what was eating up my soul — slowly poisoning me.

But I had to try.

The minute I pressed the keys, need poured out until my shaking hands were hovering over the piano, and before I could stop myself, I started playing. I played the songs of my teen years, and then finally — as if my hands couldn’t keep themselves from playing the melody — I played her song.

A strange sort of madness washed over me as I pounded harder and harder. Maybe if I played hard enough she’d come back, maybe I’d get a redo and the last four years would be nothing more than a horrible nightmare.

I fought tears and then banged my hands across the piano as hard as I could. Cursing the past that was finally catching up to me.

Tick-Tock, Tick-Tock, with each slam of my fingers the cadence in my chest quickened.

I was so done.

Part of me had known I couldn’t last this long.

… Continued…

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Toxic
(The Ruin Series Book 2)
by Rachel Van Dyken
4.8 stars – 174 reviews!!
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KND Freebies: Fascinating crime thriller FACE DOWN IN THE PARK is featured in today’s Free Kindle Nation Shorts excerpt

From two showbiz insiders comes this
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Face Down In The Park

by David Richards, Leonard Foglia

4.0 stars – 48 Reviews
Text-to-Speech and Lending: Enabled
Here’s the set-up:

Brent Stevens wasn’t doing what most visitors come to do in Central Park – no horse-drawn carriage rides or strolls through Strawberry Fields. He was lying face down trying to figure out the basics: who he was, where he was, and who had tried to kill him. He wasn’t coming up with any answers, either – until Tina Ruffo, a tender-hearted aerobics instructor from Queens, lent a helping hand.

Tina was an exception in New York, someone willing to get involved with a stranger. But the well-dressed, good-looking Brent Stevens was extraordinary too, and so was his plight. After a blow to the back of the head, he can’t recall his attacker. He has no idea what the key in his pocket actually unlocks. And he can’t imagine the traps he’s about to step into.

Now, as his memories come flooding back, Brent searches for the link between him and a mysterious figure living in New York’s exclusive Dakota apartments, a female TV interviewer known for getting public figures to tell all on camera, and a glamorous husband and wife who are Hollywood’s biggest box-office draws. With Tina at his side, Brent stumbles upon some dangerous secrets and finds dark and deadly truths that connect them all.

Praise for Face Down In The Park:

“Their second successful collaboration.. the authors’ adept pacing and their smart parceling out of the clues ratchets up the suspense…” –Publishers Weekly

An unpredictable and highly enjoyable read 
“…funny at times, always engaging…Just when I thought I knew where it was going, it took a new turn…”

an excerpt from

Face Down InThe Park

by Leonard Foglia & David Richards

 

Copyright © 2014 Leonard Foglia & David Richards
and published here with their permission

ONE

I was the first thing he saw. The letter I. The capital letter.

Was he really seeing it? Or dreaming it?

He wasn’t sure. It filled his entire field of vision, a black I—floating against a swirling white … something. He couldn’t make out the background. Didn’t want to try for the time being. The I was puzzling enough.

What did it mean? Was it a message? God speaking to him in some way? “I am the way, the truth and the life. He who believes in Me will never die.”

Maybe he was dead and this was the beginning of the aftermath, the slow sorting out that the priests had told him about as a boy, when his eternal self would emerge from its earthly shell and his true essence would finally shine clear, as the letter was clear. His body felt numb, heavy, as if he would never get up again. His right cheek was cold. So all physical sensation had not left him. He heard a faint voice inside his head, arguing that numbness wasn’t death. Not yet anyway. And the isolated patch of cold on his cheek was growing colder. So, no, he couldn’t be dead.

It had to be a dream then—the swirling and the heaviness that rooted him to the spot and the stark letter I that kept coming toward him, bigger and bigger, like a soldier on the march.

He blinked his eyes and slowly lifted his head. A wave of nausea swept over him, and he quickly put his head back down again. He had the sensation of spinning through space and remembered another time he had fallen down.

He must have been three or four. He had scraped his knees badly on the pavement. As he sat there, stunned, blood had risen to the surface of his skin. Bright, tiny drops at first that formed a trickle, then a ribbon of red that snaked down his leg. He had begun to cry. Someone had picked him up and held him high in his arms.

The image was suspended in his mind, like the letter I was suspended in the whiteness. But he couldn’t say who the man was or, indeed, if he was even the boy with the tear-stained face in the man’s arms. It all looked familiar enough, like a photograph in a family album. But it promptly faded away, and the swirl returned.

He lay there for a while.

The next thing he was aware of was a hand touching the I. He assumed it was his. Whose else could it be? The proof would be if he could move the fingers. He concentrated hard. The index fingers rose and fell several times in a faint tapping motion. Aha! It was his hand, after all. He had pretty much concluded beforehand that he wasn’t dead, but this confirmed it. He was putting things together, making progress.

He lifted his head a second time, shifted it slightly to the side, and saw two more letters. G-I-N He had an urge to laugh, but that physical reflex didn’t seem available to him now, no sound came from his lips. “Gin.” He couldn’t remember whether he liked gin or not. Had he ever drunk it? It would come back to him when he woke up. Vodka, yes. That much he knew. Gin was clear like vodka, though. Had he gotten the two confused?

Maybe gin was responsible for the dull ache he was starting to feel in the back of his head. He was going to have one hell of a hangover, if that was the case. But something told him it wasn’t so simple. That wasn’t why he was lying here, his body leaden and his cheek icy cold, with visions of the alphabet passing before him. It was more complicated than just too much liquor and an incipient hangover. There was some other reason for what he was experiencing.

But finding an explanation required too great an effort. It was taking all his strength just to keep his head up. He decided to lie back down. He would puzzle things out later. Tomorrow. Whenever he woke up. Gently, as if he were sinking into a downy pillow, not onto the hardness of stone, he rested his cheek next to the capital I.

As he did, his only desire was to be clean. Washed clean in the blood of the lamb. No, that wasn’t right. That’s what the priests said. A different boyhood image flashed into his mind—the blackboard in his first-grade classroom. If you were good, you got to wipe it with a wet cloth for the teacher. Back and forth, until all the chalk marks were gone. After the water dried, the blackboard looked brand-new.

Yes, that’s the answer, he thought, before he lost consciousness and slipped into a tunnel of darkness. I can wipe it all away. I can be clean again. A clean slate.

TWO

“He is the most popular box office star in the world. She, the highest paid actress ever and, many say, the sexiest. Together, they epitomize Hollywood’s new royalty—young, privileged, successful beyond anyone’s dreams and very much their own bosses.

“Tonight in a rare television interview, their first as husband and wife, Christopher Knight and Jennifer Osborne on the Deborah Myers Special. Join us at nine as we go up close and personal with the new breed of superstars, who are turning the tinsel of tinseltown into solid gold.

Deborah Myers, dressed in a blazing red suit, sat back in the white armchair and wrinkled her brow in displeasure. “Too flat. Let me take it again.” She looked over at her producer. “How are we doing for time, Pete?”

“Don’t worry. Our time is their time,” replied a compact man in a black turtleneck and sports jacket. “If they want to stay upstairs all morning, we are more than happy to wait. Hell, if they want us all to stand on our heads, we’ll stand on our heads.”

“Don’t count on me. My new stylist would never forgive me.” But Deborah Myers  knew Pete was right. Just getting an interview with the two stars was a big coup. To be able to conduct it in their Malibu beach house, well, she could imagine the ratings already. If this didn’t flatten Emergency Squad, nothing would.

Behind her, sliding glass doors opened onto a wooden deck on which the set designers had arranged several large pots of pink hibiscus in full flower. The sky was cloudless and glints of sunlight flashed off the flat ocean, like sparks off an anvil. She had to admit it was the perfect backdrop—America’s enduring image of all that was desirable about Southern California. In spite of the mud slides and the fires and the earthquakes, people persisted in believing the place was some kind of earthly paradise, populated by the fit and the underdressed. They really believed in stardom, too, as if it were a higher state of existence, with flattering lighting and music playing in the background. Far be it from her to wise anyone up.

Deborah checked her wandering thoughts and prepared to run through the promo again, when the click of footsteps at the top of the stairs stopped her. Jennifer Osborne was putting in an appearance at last. The room fell silent as the crew turned to gawk. Deborah couldn’t help noticing that they were like a bunch of high school boys in the presence of the prom queen.

Objectively speaking, Jennifer Osborne was no more beautiful than dozens of Hollywood starlets with well-endowed bodies and blonde hair that fell to their shoulders. The thing is, it was impossible to be objective about her. “Not since Marilyn” was the phrase the columnists had used when she first appeared on the scene in low-budget potboilers and tight sweaters. But she had proved to be Marilyn without the neuroses. She didn’t need anyone to reassure her that she was sexy or tell her that she could act. She knew it. Confidence seemed bred into her.

It was said that the camera adored her, but it was really the studio lights that adored her. Where they washed out others and flattened their features, they lent a radiance to her face. Her skin—smooth, unblemished, white as alabaster—was responsible for that. One of the lessons that her mother had drummed into her as a child was never to go outside without a hat, “unless you want to look like that.” Since “that” was Aunt Hattie, a flashy widow from Naples, Florida, with cheap jewelry and a leathery tan that aged her a full fifteen years, the lesson had taken.

Jennifer Osborne’s outfit was casual, the off-white slacks emphasizing the length of her legs as she came down the stairs, and the matching silk blouse showing off the fullness of her breasts. If she were walking by a construction site, Deborah thought, the wolf whistles would be deafening by now.

“I’m sorry,” Jennifer said, looking around. “Am I interrupting?” Her voice was barely a whisper, but in the silence, everyone heard her.

“Of course not.” Deborah sprang from the armchair, sidestepped a camera and several reflectors, and went to Jennifer with outstretched hands.

“You look absolutely stunning.”

“Not too informal? It isn’t every day you bare your soul for forty million television viewers. Christopher should be along in a second. He couldn’t decide between two blazers. And they say women take forever to dress! By the way, that’s a terrific suit.”

“Armani. Just on loan. Thanks for noticing, although how could you not? Back home in Texas, we call this ‘chile-pepper-red.’ Let’s hope Christopher doesn’t wear blue or the three of us are going to look like the French flag.”

“Actually, he was leaning toward gray,” Jennifer said.

“Is there a red, white, and gray flag, Pete? With our luck, it belongs to some Middle Eastern liberation movement, and we’ll be flooded with irate letters next week.”

She laughed. On the surface, Deborah Myers didn’t give the impression of being a tough interviewer, but nobody doubted that she was a canny one. Like most of the celebrities on her specials, she had worked her way up the ladder and knew the costs of success. Her hour-long telecasts were as much a celebration of her own fame as her guests’. She wasn’t out to destroy anyone’s career, although she was perfectly willing, if the career had fallen apart, to explore the wreckage. Her reputation rode on capturing that “special moment,” when her guests divulged an intimate detail about themselves, displayed a flash of temperament, or rarest of all, told the unvarnished truth.

She didn’t know what it would be today, but counted upon the easy, free-wheeling approach to work in her favor. You couldn’t badger people like Christopher Knight and Jennifer Osborne, but you could sometimes cajole them into a state of relaxation that let them forget the presence of the camera momentarily.

“What’s this talk about flags?” Christopher Knight bounded down the stairs and slipped his arm around his wife’s waist. He had opted for the gray blazer and a pale yellow shirt, opened at the neck. “Sorry to hold things up, dear. Will this do?”

“Perfect,” Jennifer said. “It matches the gray in your eyes.” She ran her hand playfully through his jet black hair and gave him a peck on the tip of his nose. Then she turned back to Deborah. “Am I married to the most handsome man in the world or not?

“It wasn’t a question that needed answering. Six foot three inches tall, thirty-three years old, Christopher Knight was a Cary Grant for the 1990s—expensively tailored, impressively muscled, exquisitely mannered. “The impeccable hulk,” some critic had quipped. He’d started out as a rebellious juvenile on a daytime soap opera but had long since blossomed into a leading man of some versatility. To many, he personified the American heartland and American decency, but he could also project an aura of brooding and danger that his female fans loved. There was something almost tyrannical at times about his good looks, and his most recent screen roles acknowledged the ambiguity of his heroic personality.

He returned Jennifer’s kiss. “Ah, flattery, flattery, thy name is woman!”

“It’s frailty, darling,” she said.

“That, too.” He gave her an amused grin.

The crew wasn’t even pretending not to stare. A few jaws hung open dumbly. Even Clinton hadn’t gotten this kind of reaction, Deborah mused, when she’d snagged that first exclusive interview. It had something to do with secret fantasies. Movie stars triggered them; politicians didn’t. Except for Kennedy. And maybe Reagan briefly, when he was younger, before his cheeks got so rosy and he started shellacking his hair. Beyond that, she wasn’t able to say why certain people had this power over the imagination of others without doing anything really, just by being. The words ordinarily used to describe the phenomenon—magnetism, chemistry, charm—belonged as much to the vocabulary of sorcery as that of science.

The hush was broken by a middle-aged woman who slipped into the room as unobtrusively as possible, whispered into Christopher’s ear, then stepped back and waited dutifully. Earlier that morning, the woman had been introduced to Deborah as the stars’ press agent, but Deborah knew she wasn’t the big gun—not the one who had called her office no fewer than twenty times a day over the last month in an attempt to regulate every aspect of this interview. His calls had become so frequent, in fact, that her secretary began referring to him as “the stalker.”

“Stalker, holding on line two.”

“Stalker insists you ring him up immediately.

Whenever Deborah eventually got him on the line, she had trouble keeping the laughter out of her voice.

This woman, altogether more self-effacing, had turned out to be an assistant from the office, pressed into service at the last moment. The situation was unorthodox. Stars of Christopher’s and Jennifer’s magnitude always had the top man (or woman) dancing attendance on their every move.

Just as well, Deborah thought now.

In her opinion, most public relations honchos were overpaid pains in the butt—intent, like the stalker, on demonstrating their indispensability and proving to their clients that they had a potentially damaging situation in hand. In reality, they controlled nothing and made everybody else’s job twice as difficult. If this assistant seemed out of her depth, she was at least conveniently meek and wouldn’t speak up in the middle of the interview, demanding that some juicy tidbit be stricken from the record.

A flicker of annoyance registered on Christopher’s face. “Tell him that we’re busy,” he said to the mousy woman.

“But he’s been desperate to talk to you for two days now. Please?”

“Explain to me again why His Lordship isn’t here today?”

“Um, personal business, I believe.”

“Really? I thought we were his personal business.”

“Of course, you are—

“Christopher cut her off. “Fine. I’ll be right there. Sorry to be a nuisance,

Deborah, but could you spare me a second to take a quick phone call?”

“Please. Our time is your time,” replied Deborah, who suspected that “His Lordship” referred to the stalker.

A man in a powder blue smock fluttered up to Jennifer Osborne to inspect her makeup for any infinitesimal flaws that might have escaped eyes less practiced than his. Finding one, he emitted little squeaks of disapproval and said, “My, my! Would you mind coming with me for just a teeny, tiny minute, Miss Osborne?” The crew roused itself out of its stupor, and the living room came alive again. There was a growing charge in the air that this wasn’t going to be just another show.

    Deborah took her position in the armchair, opposite the empty sofa where the stars would sit. “Okay, Pete,” she said. “I’ll redo the promo afterward. Let’s go straight to the intro.

“She fixed on the camera lens, as if it were a friendly neighbor who had just dropped by for coffee, and held the expression until the audio man called out, “Tape is rolling.”

Her face muscles relaxed.

“Good evening. I’m Deborah Myers. Tonight, the new royalty. Two of the biggest stars in Hollywood. They are powerful, they are self-assured, they are sexy. For one full hour, Christopher Knight and Jennifer Osborne talk about their careers, their marriage, and their biggest gamble yet—the controversial $100 million epic In the Beginning, in which they play Adam and Eve. We’ll have a preview. Stay with us.”

THREE

The man in the charcoal gray suit, white button-down shirt, and gray and plum striped tie watched as the maid came out of 1201, gave the cart a shove with her hip, then guided it another ten feet until it came to rest in front of 1203. She rapped on the door, waited long enough to determine there was no one in the room, then inserted a white plastic card into the electronic lock. With a click, the door opened. Leaving her cart on the threshold, she scooped up a stack of fresh towels and disappeared inside.

The man adjusted his tie in the mirror at the far end of the hallway. It was his favorite suit and tie, and he prided himself on his appearance. His fastidiousness was cause for some ridicule from his associates, who liked to remind him that there was no dress code for his line of work. Nobody used his real name, Spieveck, which had been inevitably (and logically) shortened to Spiff. The nickname didn’t displease him. Why wear a Knicks sweatshirt and old jeans, he reasoned, when you could get your clothes at Armani Exchange? If others wanted to look like slobs, that was their affair. He liked being taken for a lawyer or a businessman. People did all the time.

Only minutes ago, as he’d walked across the lobby, the concierge had nodded deferentially and said he hoped that everything was satisfactory. “Most satisfactory,” he’d replied, before stepping into the elevator. And he wasn’t even staying at the hotel!

Reassured that the knot of his tie listed neither to the left nor to the right, Spiff strode down the corridor, edged by the cart, and entered the room. It was almost antiseptically neat, he noted with approval. As he automatically checked out the premises, he heard the maid singing along with her Walkman. He was about to make a noise to alert her of his presence, when she shuffled out of the bathroom and caught sight of him.

“Ah, madre mia!” She shrieked and jumped back.

“Terribly sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you like that. As you can see, I never made it home last night.” He flashed a sly smile. “I guess I won’t need maid service today.

“Before she had time to turn down the volume of the Julio Iglesias tape on her Walkman, he ushered her to the door and pushed her cart into the hallway.

“Gracias. Muchas gracias,” he said, smiling and waiting for her to move on.

“De nada, señor.” How ridiculous to pay for an expensive room and not use it, she thought. But one look at the attractive stranger was all it took to know that he’d probably been out all night cheating on his wife. She recognized the type—salesmen, eager to have a good time in the big city. If it meant one less room to clean this morning, far be it from her to voice an objection.

Once she had rounded the corner of the hall, Spiff hung the DO NOT DISTURB sign on the outside doorknob and double-locked the door. Then, he put on a pair of latex gloves, snapping them the way medics did on TV: He knew that no one had spent the night here, as the plump pillows and unruffled bedspread testified. He crossed to the open suitcase on the luggage stand by the window, carefully examining the contents—underwear, socks, T-shirts, cotton sweaters—then depositing them systematically in neat piles on the floor. He saw no reason to toss things around; it paid to be orderly. If you made a mess, you could inadvertently cover up what you were looking for. In the side pockets of the suitcase, he came on a pack of stale gum, a half-filled bottle of aspirin, and a dirty comb.

He ran his hands over the lining of the empty suitcase, searching for hidden compartments.

“Fucking nothing!” he said.

He didn’t like talking to himself. It implied a lack of control. But sometimes, like right now, the words just popped out of his mouth by themselves.

Fucking nothing was secreted in the publications on the coffee table, either, save an airplane ticket, which was tucked between the pages of an in-flight magazine called Destinations. The drawers in the nightstand by the bed yielded only the standard items supplied by a gracious management: stationery, a pen, a Gideon Bible (he flipped through it just in case), plastic laundry bags, and a menu for room service pushing the continental breakfast at $15 a head. The NO SMOKING plaque on the wall explained the absence of matchbooks and ashtrays. What, he wondered fleetingly, did tourists steal for souvenirs these days?

In the closet, a plaid work shirt, a pair of jeans, and a suit had been hung up on wooden hangers—the theft-proof variety that hook onto metal rings permanently attached to the bar, thereby further frustrating the ashtray collectors. The left shoulder of the suit jacket felt suspiciously stiff to him, so he took the Kershaw Talon out of his pocket and flipped it open. The blade, three inches of stainless steel shaped like an eagle’s claw, sliced cleanly through the fabric. The stiffness was only padding meant to give the jacket body and its owner the reassurance of a broad physique.

Spiff regretted spoiling such a nice piece of goods. From the touch, he could tell that it wasn’t run-of-the mill Sears. He made a mental note of the label, Hugo Boss. Just to be on the safe side, he sliced open the other shoulder.

The shaving kit on the marble counter in the bathroom contained the usual toiletries, a package of condoms, and a prescription medicine in an amber plastic container. The bathroom, as spotless as the bedroom, hadn’t been used, either. Or else he was dealing with the original Mr. Clean. He checked his watch. Six minutes so far. Another few minutes and he’d be out of there.

He stripped the double bed of its linens, as the maid would have done, pulled the pillows from their cases and patted them down. Then he stood the mattress against the wall and lifted up the box spring, exposing a few hairpins and some dust balls. His nose wrinkled instinctively in disgust, and he let the box spring fall back on its frame with a thud. He was drawing blanks everywhere.

The cushions of the sofa hid no surprises, not even loose change. That left the service bar, an unlikely spot, but one to be checked nonetheless. The shelves were stocked with fruit juices, snacks, and liquor miniatures, which he swept into a wastebasket with a couple of brisk gestures. He strongly disapproved of drinking. Peanuts were another matter. He pocketed a package for later, taking care to enter a check mark in the corresponding square on the “Service Bar Consumption Form” on the Formica counter. What was the point of an honor system, if everybody didn’t obey it?

Convinced that he had explored every corner of the room, he took out his cellular phone and dialed a number. He was still waiting for someone to answer when he heard people coming down the hall.

“Shit!”

In another minute, he would have been gone. He tapped his foot impatiently. “Come on. I haven’t got all day. Pick up the damn phone.”

“Yes?”

Spiff held his breath. In the hall, the sound of raucous laughter grew louder, followed by a door slamming sharply. Whoever it was—revelers returning after a drunken binge on the town, no doubt—had entered the room across the way. Didn’t anybody keep normal hours around here?

“Yes? Who is this?” God how that voice irritated Spiff. “Is anyone on the line?”

“Yeah, it’s me, Spiff. Nothing here.”

“What do you mean? Are you sure?”

It was too early for peevishness. Of course I’m sure, you twit. I’m a pro. I do my job, Spiff wanted to reply. But all he answered was, “Yes, zip.”

“First you said there was nothing on him. Now you’re telling me there is nothing in his room?”

“You got it. Clean as a whistle.”

“Where is it then?”

“Damned if I know.”

“But you’re being paid to find out. Well, aren’t you? I wouldn’t call this doing your job very well. In fact, I’d say you were doing it rather poorly.”

Spiff resisted the urge to talk back. When clients were upset like this, it was best to let them run their mouths, blow off steam. Eventually, they shut up.

“He has been far more clever than I would have anticipated,” the voice concluded at long last. “I’ll be in touch.”

Spiff heard a click, and the line went dead. He folded up the cellular phone and slid it back into his pocket. His clients didn’t always like the way things turned out, but he tried not to let that bother him. All he cared about was holding up his end of the deal. He didn’t like a shoddy performance any more than he liked shoddy dress. Standards were going to hell everywhere, and he, for one, wasn’t about to contribute to the deterioration.

There was certainly no need to yell, as the client had just done. No need at all. Yelling accomplished nothing and was bad for the blood pressure … everybody’s blood pressure. What it showed was … a complete absence of respect … of … of … professionalism. Yes, that was it! As if he, Spiff, were a pissant just starting out … some kind of … rank amateur!

To calm himself, he flicked open the Kershaw Talon again and walked over to the bed. Then, taking a deep breath and exhaling it slowly, he ran the blade down the center of the mattress from top to bottom. A thin layer of white padding oozed out.

“There! Much better.”

The anger was all gone. He felt good again.

He put his ear to the door and, satisfied that no one else was approaching, ducked out into the hall. Instinctively, he readjusted his tie and slicked back his hair. Halfway to the elevator, he remembered that he had forgotten something.

        Hastily retracing his steps, he removed the plastic DO NOT DISTURB from the door handle, flipped it over, then put it back, so that it read PLEASE MAKE UP ROOM.

FOUR

As he lay there, facedown on the stone, his body slowly began to register the morning chill. It crept into his legs and arms and settled into his joints with a persistent ache that pulled him out of his dream and brought him closer to consciousness. It wasn’t much of a dream, anyway. Just bizarre, fragmented images. Woods in the spring. A car speeding along a highway. And hands, reaching out from the trees and rising up from the pavement, clutching at the speeding car as it passed, trying to stop it.

Whatever it meant, it wasn’t the sort of dream you tried to prolong. There was nothing pleasant about it, nothing to postpone waking for. The images grew progressively fainter while the sensation of cold grew stronger. Then, the man opened his eyes.

He seemed to be lying on a stone mosaic, made up of small black and white tiles. He pushed himself up with his forearms. There beside his left hand was a capital I. He looked at it with momentary fascination until the ache coming from every part of his body sapped his concentration. He rolled onto one side and maneuvered himself into a sitting position. He was surprised to see that he was wearing a suit. The knee was torn. He must have fallen and ripped it. Otherwise, it was a nice suit. Dark green. New. Soft to the touch.

He breathed in the crisp morning air, waiting for his surroundings to come into focus. It seemed to be a circular mosaic of some sort that he was sitting on. The black and white tiles formed letters and patterns. The I was part of an inscription. He didn’t remember that several hours earlier it had set him off on a flight of metaphysical speculation. He’d forgotten that and a lot more, too.

He studied the other letters—M-A-G-I-N-E—and realized he’d been lying on a word. Like a child learning to read, he sounded it out.

“I-ma-gin-e,” he whispered to himself. “Imagine!”

He looked around and saw wooden benches and, overhead, a canopy of trees. Beyond them, he could make out streetlights and a row of tall buildings. He concluded that he was in a park in a big city. But what city?

The muffled sound of automobile traffic confirmed his conclusion. He tried to stand. As he did, a shooting pain raced up the back of his neck, causing him to gasp. He automatically reached up with both hands to steady his head. When he brought his hands back down, his fingertips were covered with blood. All he could think was that something was wrong. Not what or how or why. Just something. Questions were beyond him for the time being.

Panic rose in him, along with the sense that his life was in danger. He had to go where the cars were, stop one of them maybe. Struggling to his feet, he managed only a few steps before the ground began spinning. He reeled backward and collapsed on a bench. He gripped the metal armrest and closed his eyes, putting all his concentration into breathing deeply—in and out, in and out—until the dizziness lifted and the ground spun to a stop, like a carnival ride winding down.

The trees came back into focus, their leaves forming lacy patterns against the sky. The sun was striking the topmost floors of the taller buildings, so that the windows appeared to be made of gold foil, not glass. He blinked in wonderment. Then his eyes went to an older, heavier structure to the right. It looked like a nineteenth-century fortress, or perhaps a castle, with its gables and turrets and a roof that came to several sharp peaks in a row. The copper flashing that outlined the building’s fantastically shaped roof had oxidized bluish green. From a pole planted on top of the middle peak, an American flag flapped silently.

He stood up and started toward it, oblivious that he was walking over the tile mosaic with the curious word at its center. On the gently curving path that led to the street, he nearly collided with a jogger.

“Watch it, buddy,” the jogger snapped.

“Sorry, I didn’t see you.”

“Well, maybe if you looked where you were going … Hey, are you all right?”

No, the man thought. I’m not all right. I need help. But before he could articulate the words, the jogger had resumed his pace and moved on down the path.

At the street corner, he had a better view of the massive building. It was constructed out of yellow brick and brownstone, and from the deep inset of the windows, he judged the walls to be several feet thick. Dark wooden shutters and curtains had been drawn across most of the windows on the lower floors. If there was life stirring within, it was not discernible from the sidewalk.

As he examined the imposing facade, he thought he caught sight of something moving in one of the corner windows, three stories up. A person was hovering in the window, staring down at him, unless his eyes were fooling him and he’d been taken in by an apparition. His senses weren’t all that reliable this morning. The form moved ever so slightly, and a pale face flashed briefly in the dark pane. It was a person. With silver hair.

Don’t go away, thought the man in the green suit. Help me. He lifted his arm and waved at the figure in the window, even though the movement sent splinters of pain through his head. The pain no longer mattered. He had to make contact. “I can see you,” he cried out. “You must be able to see me. Please wave back.”

The person in the window pulled back into the shadows.

“Don’t go away,” shouted the man in the street. Desperation took hold of him, and he swung both his arms over his head, crisscrossing them furiously, like a sailor who has lost his semaphores but still continues to spell out a message of distress.

“I see you. I know you’re there.”

But the figure had disappeared altogether. The third-story window, like those around it, was dark.

The man let his arms fall to his side. He saw some lights blink on in the dormer windows under the gabled roof, then realized it was another optical illusion created by the morning sun. He told himself it didn’t matter. The windows were too high up for anyone to take notice of him anyway.

***

“He’s waving at me … No, I’m not kidding … He’s standing right there on the far corner, waving his hands over his head like some demented person. I don’t believe it.”

Without taking his eyes away from the sight that had so startled him, the silver-haired man stepped back and fumbled in the pocket of his paisley dressing gown for a pack of Benson & Hedges. Trapping the telephone receiver against his right ear in order to free his hands, he lit the cigarette and then shot a stream of smoke at the ceiling. Although it was still early, he was on his fifth cigarette already, which meant that it was going to be another two-pack day.

“I don’t know what he’s up to,” he said, resuming his conversation. “I rather thought you might have an explanation for it.” He spoke with a clipped British accent, even though he’d lived in the United States for more than twenty years and could easily have modified his speech, if he so chose. He chose not to, feeling that good diction and adenoidal vowels gave him an edge in his dealings with Americans, who tended to be intimidated by singular pronunciations.

“Oh, I know what you wanted to do. But for the moment, one must show a bit of restraint. Once this is settled, you can pitch him in the Hudson River for all that I care. Not yet, though …”

He pulled back the damask curtain and checked on the activity in the street. “He seems to be waiting for the light to change … A bit unsteady on his feet, which should come as no surprise to you.”

To keep his voice from rising, he took a deep puff on the cigarette. Stupid people irritated him, and the irritation showed up first in his voice, which lost all its urbanity as it rose in pitch. When he screamed, he could be as shrill as any fishwife, which is why he tried never to lose his temper. Aesthetically, it was simply unacceptable. Staying calm was requiring an increasing effort of him, though.

“No, he’s not waving any longer … He seems to have stopped looking up here … Wait, he’s crossing the street … He’s coming toward the building. My God! What’s possessed him! … The bloody fool is headed straight for the entrance.”

FIVE

Once the man in the forest green suit had successfully navigated the street, he noticed that a moat surrounded the turreted building. He approached it with curiosity, until a startling sight stopped him dead. Black sea monsters were writhing up out of the depths, their gaping jaws ready to devour the unwary.

The monsters were accompanied by a king, whose blazing eyes and tangled hair served as further warning to back off. The man in the green suit sensed he must be hallucinating. Sea monsters in the city didn’t make sense. As he stared at them dumbly, their undulations slowly ceased and the ferocious king reverted to what he was—cold metal.

He had been transfixed by the sculpted figures on a wrought iron railing. The king was that god of the sea—the one whose name began with an N. Newton! No, not

Newton. Not Nestlé, either. Why was he having such trouble coming up with words? His mind was functioning so oddly this morning.

Neptune! That’s the one he was trying to think of.

His eyes followed the railing to the middle of the building, where a vaulted passageway led to an inner courtyard. Off to one side was a brass sentry booth. As the man started to turn into the passageway, the door of the booth swung open and a figure in a burgundy uniform stepped out onto the pavement.

“Excuse me, sir,” he said. “May I help you?”

The uniform puzzled the man, because it seemed to belong to another time. Palace guards dressed like this in movies and in children’s books. He waited patiently for this storybook character to reveal his true identity, as the sea monsters had done. When no transformation came, he pushed on in the direction of the courtyard.

The doorman’s arm caught him at chest height and blocked the way. “Hey, wait a second. Where are you going?”

It took all the man’s concentration to get the one word out. “Inside.”

“Yeah, and who exactly do you want to see?”

He was unable to answer. The whirling sensation had come back.

“Hey, buddy, you doing all right? You look like you had a rough time last night. I think you’d better move on now, okay?” The doorman had seen his share of bums and crazies, not to mention the tourists, who fell somewhere in between. The wisest tactic, he had learned, was to keep up a running patter while ushering them back out onto the sidewalk and pointing them toward the subway. Firmly, he slipped his arm around the man’s shoulders.

“Sure must have been one helluva party. Well, happens to the best of us. A few hours sleep ought to fix you up fine. Come on, now. Let’s keep going.”

Just as he was about to release his grip on the man—and give him a last helpful push—a voice called out, “Is that your new boyfriend, Joey? I always suspected you were cheating on me.” Tina stood in the passageway, a pale cherry windbreaker tied around her hips. Watching her go in and out of the building in her skintight exercise gear, a dance bag slung over her shoulder, was the chief advantage of Joey’s shift. Her body, although aerobically trained and maintained, had lost none of the natural voluptuousness he had always admired in women, while her face with its dark eyes and full cheeks, reminded him pleasantly of his Mediterranean relatives. He liked her frankness, too, which contrasted with the snootiness of the residents.

“Very funny. This guy had some night last night. Doesn’t know where the hell he is. He was trying to get inside.”

“He seems awfully attached to you right now!” As she came toward them, her expression changed. “Joey, what’s that on your hand?”

The doorman glanced down. The fingers of his right hand were reddish purple. He looked over at the stranger, who was weaving back and forth on the sidewalk, then at his hand again. “Holy shit! It’s blood.”

“Jeez, Joey. Maybe you should call the police. This guy’s not some derelict.

Look at his clothes.”

“Are you all right?” she asked, reaching out a hand to steady the wavering man. “Would you like us to call somebody for you?”

“Who?”

“I dunno. You tell me.”

“Nobody. I can manage by myself.”

“You sure of that?”

An incongruous smile broke across his face. “You are very pretty.”

“Looks like you’re the one got a new boyfriend now,” said Joey.

“Well, he wouldn’t be half-bad cleaned up.” Tina was only partly jesting. The man had sandy blond hair and eyes that, even in their glassy state, were penetratingly blue. He seemed to be about thirty-five, and his build, from what her quick, professional evaluation told her, was that of someone who had been an athlete in his youth, probably a runner or a swimmer, and had never let himself get out of shape. “But I haven’t started picking up men off the street yet. Excepting you, Joey. I’d pick you up anywhere.”

“Ready whenever you are,” replied the doorman, who enjoyed his running flirtation with Tina, not that it would lead anywhere. “Say the word, Tina, and I’m yours.”

The man in the green suit spoke up. “Tina?”

“Okay, boys, let’s not both of you fight over me.”

“Tina?”

“You got it. That’s my name. Don’t wear it out. So why don’t you tell us yours?”

Without warning, the man’s knees buckled, and he crumpled to the sidewalk, pulling Tina with him.

“Shit! Joey, call 911.”

“Leave him alone, Tina.”

“I said call 911!”

As Joey retreated into the sentry booth, Tina loosened the man’s tie and checked his breathing. His hands gripped her windbreaker so tightly she had to pry his fingers open one by one. Finally she gave up and let him hold on.

“They’re on their way,” Joey said on his return. Several commuters, heading for the subway stop on the corner, checked out the odd scene on the sidewalk—curious, but not curious enough to break their stride. The wail of a siren grew louder. The man on the ground opened his eyes.

“How ya doin’?” Tina gave him a look of encouragement.

“Not so good.”

“Just hang in there for a few more minutes.”

“Am I dying?”

“If you are, that makes me the Virgin Mary.”

The crack brought a smile to the man’s lips, and he relaxed his grip on her windbreaker.

“There you go. Improving already. You’ll be good as new in no time. Just in case, we called for an ambulance.”

“Thank you, Tanya.”

“The name’s Tina, but you’re welcome anyway … You sure we can’t get in touch with somebody? You got a wife? A girlfriend?”

“If that ain’t typical,” piped up Joey. “You can be out like a light and the first thing they want to know, when you come to, is if you’re taken. Better watch out, guy.”

“Don’t mind this one, mister. He’s just jealous because he hasn’t been laid since the Bicentennial.”

Within minutes, a squad car and an ambulance had pulled up in front of the building. The police car disgorged two cops. The burlier of the two—a Sergeant Edward Callahan, according to his nametag—had the lumbering and unexcitable manner of one who has seen it all. He did the talking. His wiry partner scanned the street nervously, as if half-expecting an insurrection to break out.

“Okay, what do we have here?

“It didn’t take Joey long to reveal what he knew. Even with his proclivity for embroidering a story, the details were scant. Callahan made a few notations in his notepad.

Tina had even less to offer.

“Did someone do this to you or did you fall by yourself or what?” Callahan asked, leaning over the man. When no answer was forthcoming, the officer pulled himself back up and shrugged. “A mystery man, eh? I guess you guys better take him to Roosevelt.”

The paramedics had already flung open the back doors of the ambulance and rolled a stretcher onto the sidewalk. At Callahan’s signal, they eased the man onto the stretcher and belted him into place. Tina could see that the restraints frightened him.

“Hey, it’s nothing to worry about,” she reassured him. “They don’t want you to fall off, that’s all.” He didn’t seem to believe her. In his eyes, she could read the same unfocused terror that seized her daughter in the middle of the night. The kid got so scared sometimes that she wouldn’t stay in her own bed, and Tina never had the heart to force her. The stranger seemed every bit as lost and alone right now.

“Lady,” one of the paramedics asked. “You prefer to ride in the front or the back?”

“Oh, no. I wasn’t planning to come with—”

“Please, Tina,” the man cried out. It wasn’t until he squeezed her hand that she realized he had been holding it. “Don’t leave me.”

“Oh, shit!” she muttered to no one in particular. “Why me?” His eyes were locked on her, beseeching and scared.

“Let him go. They’ll take care of him,” advised Joey.

She made up her mind in a flash.

“I don’t know about that, Joey. Hospitals are pretty scary places these days. You can never tell what’s going to happen. They’re always giving people the wrong medicine. Hell, they can cut off your leg by mistake.” She turned to the paramedic. “The back, I guess.”

“Saint Tina! Our lady of the Stairmaster.”

“Can it, Joey. All I’m doing is making sure he gets to the hospital in one piece.”

“Don’t you have any more clients to work out this morning?”

“No, I had a coupla cancellations at the last minute. And they all want to know why they’re not getting any thinner!” She climbed into the back of the ambulance, and Joey handed her the oversize dance bag in which she carried her exercise gear. “Mrs. Shriver in 4-D was my only bubblebutt of the day.”

***

Munching peanuts, Spiff passed through the hotel lobby and out the glass door, then paused on the sidewalk to consider his options. A brisk stroll in Central Park was a possibility, but he was wearing his good shoes, the Guccis, and didn’t want to risk scuffing them.

He contemplated grabbing a cup of coffee and a bagel and taking in a movie later. A new Sony Cineplex—fourteen theaters under the same roof—was just a couple of blocks over. The idea of playing hooky appealed to him. Then he remembered that the movie he was really looking forward to, In the Beginning, didn’t open until the end of the week. Jennifer Osborne in the buff—that was all anyone was talking about on TV: The posters that had recently bloomed in the subway showed her discreetly covered by foliage, but the R rating meant there wouldn’t be much foliage in the movie.

He wouldn’t let his sisters carry on like that. Of course, his sisters had better sense than to think of even trying. They respected themselves. Someone like Jennifer Osborne was little more than a highly paid stripper, when you came right down to it.

He wondered how he would feel if he were Christopher Knight, knowing that the whole world was salivating over his wife’s breasts and who could say what else. Did he get off on that? The film took place in the Garden of Eden, so they both probably pranced around in the raw. That was Hollywood for you today. The actors were all exhibitionists. Even the big, expensive movies were nothing but jack-off films in disguise. They sure didn’t make them like they used to.

He’d read in one of the tabloids that between them Jennifer Osborne and Christopher Knight were paid twenty-five million bucks for the film. While he didn’t like to think that that put a different slant on things, he recognized that for most people it did. A $50 hooker was a whore, but a $2,000 call girl was an escort. Hell, who was he fooling? His sisters would show their tits in Times Square in an instant, if they thought they’d get a fur coat out of it. People did anything for the almighty dollar!

Fortunately, the plainness of his sisters made the issue purely theoretical, so he told himself that there wasn’t much point in getting too worked up about it. The cellular phone in his pocket beeped. Any further musings about In the Beginning were going to have to wait. He’d think about Jennifer Osborne’s breasts later, when he was alone and could give the whole pornography problem his undivided attention.

“Spiff?”

He recognized the voice immediately and stepped out of the flow of pedestrian traffic. “Yeah?”

“Our friend has been taken to hospital.”

“No shit! By who?”

“By the police, that’s who. They just put him in a bloody ambulance.”

“Which hospital?”

“Roosevelt, I would imagine. It’s the nearest. What do you think he’s telling them?”

“I don’t have a clue.”

“Well, maybe you should get over there and find out. See if he’s come to his senses and is willing to cooperate now. I want this problem solved.”

“If I’d finished him off in the first place, you wouldn’t have this problem.”

“But I still wouldn’t have the goods, as you say, now would I?”

“If you’d like my opinion—” Spiff didn’t get the opportunity to say any more. The caller had hung up on him again. It was getting to be a habit with the man.

He stood there with the dead phone in his hand and contemplated calling the man back to say that this arrangement wasn’t working out. He wasn’t a lowly servant, for Chrissakes. He’d been hired for his expertise.

Instead, he bent over, picked up a rock and, flinging it with pinpoint accuracy, caught the backside of a pigeon perched on the edge of a trashcan. The bird flapped its wings and fell to the ground, unable to fly. Spiff watched it flutter pathetically in circles for a while.

When he headed west to Roosevelt Hospital, there was a spring in his step. . .

***

“Knock, knock.” Tina parted the white curtain. “How we doing?

“The wound on the back of the man’s head had been dressed and bandaged, and his forest green suit was hung up on a hook.

“Where am I?”

“So, we’ve decided to talk, have we? You’re at Roosevelt Hospital.”

“Where’s that?”

“New York. The Big Apple. Ever heard of it?”

“What happened?”

“That’s the sixty-four-thousand-dollar question.” He was trying to sit up.

“Easy now.” She helped him swing his legs over the side of the bed. A little color had come back into his face.

“Tell me a secret.”

“What?”

“Your name.”

His features stayed blank.

“Have it your way. Where you from?” Still no answer. “Well, you remember me, don’t you? Tina. Tina Ruffo.”

“Ruffo?”

“Yeah. Italian. Can’t you tell? … Sicilian, actually … My grandparents came from Messina … My grandfather had a fruit stand. No kidding! … Apples, oranges, pears. That sort of thing … Yeah, he used to bring all the best stuff home for us … What’s wrong? Am I babbling?”

He smiled broadly, then raised his hand to the back of his head and the smile vanished.

“What’s that?”

“Oh, your bandage. You got roughed up pretty bad and collapsed a few hours ago by the Dakota.”

“North Dakota?”

“No. It’s a big-deal apartment building. Where John Lennon was shot. You know

somebody there, perhaps?”

He slowly shook his head in puzzlement.

At least, she thought, he was sitting up and speaking. “I wonder where the doctor is. If they keep us waiting much longer, we’ll both qualify for Medicare.”

She stepped outside the curtain, just as an Indian orderly, steering a laundry cart full of dirty sheets, padded by. “Excuse me … sir … mister … hey you!” Another American who didn’t speak English, she thought. Hardly anybody did in the city anymore. Across the room, a woman on crutches was cursing loudly in Spanish.

“John Lennon was shot?” The surprise in the man’s voice drew Tina back into the cubicle. “When?”

“Only about a hundred years ago. Where have you been all this time?”

“I don’t know.”

“What do you mean you don’t know?”

His brow furrowed.

“Okay, forget about John Lennon for a sec. Let’s begin at the beginning. Who the hell are you?”

He stared at a dark crack in the linoleum floor, as if it were some sort of magic code that contained the answer to the riddle. Right now, he couldn’t imagine anyone asking him a more perplexing question.

… Continued…

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Why does my child seem to worry so much?

Being the parent of a smart child is great—until your son or daughter starts asking whether global warming is real, if you are going to die, and what will happen if they don’t get into college. Kids who are advanced intellectually often let their imaginations ruin wild and experience fears beyond their years. So what can you do to help?

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•How do smart kids think differently?
•Should I let my child watch the nightly news on TV?
•How do I answer questions about terrorists, hurricanes, and other scary subjects?

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an excerpt from

Why Smart Kids Worry:
And What Parents Can Do To Help

by Allison Edwards, LPC

 

Copyright © 2014 by Allison Edwards and published here with her permission

Chapter 1

The New Definition of “Smart”

    When you say the word “smart,” do you think of a doctor, lawyer, or the valedictorian of your high school class? The words “summa cum laude” and “36 on the ACT” may come to mind, as well as prestigious universities such as Harvard, Yale, and Princeton. But what many people don’t realize is that a college dropout may be smarter than a Rhodes scholar. A high-school dropout may be smarter than a college graduate, and the plumber who fixes the CEO’s toilet may be smarter than the CEO. Traditionally, when we think of “intelligence,” we are actually thinking of achievement, swapping one for the other instead of seeing them as distinctly different.

    Twenty years ago, if you were smart, you went to college and became a businessman, attorney, or doctor and made more money than most people around you. Now that we’re in the information age, some of the smartest people are bypassing college altogether to start their own businesses or internet companies, or even travel the world. The new definition of intelligence is to think outside the box and create something no one has seen before. It can be as simple as a gadget, website, or a device to hold your laptop, but the world no longer measures the smartest people by degrees and grade-point averages.

    Many parents believe their child is smart but aren’t sure how he measures up to other kids. If he is certified gifted or does really well in school, they have concrete evidence of their child’s abilities. If not, they aren’t sure if their child is that much different from everyone else. When parents walk in my office and say, “My child is smart. He doesn’t do that well at school, but he seems more advanced than other kids,” I help parents redefine what being smart can look like.

Smart Kid = the ability to take ideas/skills to the next level

    By taking an idea to the next level, I mean the ability to take a thought, idea, skill, or concept to a level in which it was not presented. Here are some examples of how smart kids think versus the average kid:

Average Kid

Smart Kid

8 + 2 = 10

8 + 2 = 5 + 5

I see a snake.

I see a boa constrictor.

I’m 10 years old.

I’ve lived 1/8th of my life.

I’m different.

I’m an anomaly.

Some people die.

I may be one of them.

Pollution is bad.

It’s destroying the Earth.

My parents are fighting.

They’re getting a divorce.

I feel scared.

I may never feel safe again.

    While taking concepts to the next level can be a great asset for kids, it can also be a problem. The ability to take ideas to the next level opens a world for smart kids that they are ill-equipped to handle. What’s more, the problem is actually getting worse. As a culture, we are becoming smarter every year, and as intelligence rises, so does the amount of higher-level thinking smart kids are capable of.

The Flynn Effect

    Are today’s kids smarter than we were?

    According to James R. Flynn, founder of the “Flynn Effect,” average intelligence jumps 3 points per decade among children in the United States. Regardless of schooling, exposure to academic activities, tutoring, or Baby Einstein, Flynn found that IQ rises. The number of people who score high enough to be classified as “genius” has increased more than twenty times over the last generation. Flynn’s describes this as “a cultural renaissance too great to be overlooked.” Whether people are displaying increased overall intelligence or simply advanced problem-solving abilities, the number of scientific and technological discoveries made by great minds suggests we are in a time like no other.

    So what does this mean? It means today’s kids are outsmarting their parents. They win almost every argument, find information on the Internet you didn’t even know existed, and remember everything you said that you wished you hadn’t. I continually hear, “I just can’t keep up with him. He seems so advanced. I don’t remember trying to pull those things when I was his age. Something must be wrong.” The truth is, kids are pulling things today we didn’t pull as kids because today’s kids are smarter.

The Seven Types of Intelligence

    When you look at intelligence, it’s important to see the big picture. Psychologists and researchers have been debating the definition of intelligence for over fifty years, and in 1983, a man by the name of Howard Gardner put his ideas into a theory he called multiple intelligences. Gardner believed there are different types of intelligence, and that simply measuring kids by how they perform in school is not an accurate measure of how smart they really are. For example, a child who learns how to multiply easily is not necessarily smarter than a child who doesn’t. The child who is slower to learn may be smarter than the child who is quicker. What looks like slowness may be hiding a mathematical intelligence potentially higher than that of a child who just memorizes the multiplication tables. Gardner broke his theory down into seven categories, which he called The Seven Types of Intelligence.

Linguistic—the capacity to use language effectively as a means of expression and communication through the written or spoken word (example: Shakespeare)

Logical-Mathematical—the ability to recognize relationships and patterns between concepts and things, to think logically, to calculate numbers, and to solve problems scientifically and systematically (example: Einstein)
Visual-Spatial—the ability to think in images and orient oneself spatially (example: Picasso)
Musical—the capacity to use music as a vehicle of expression. Musically intelligent people are perceptive to elements of rhythm, melody, and pitch (example: Mozart)
Bodily-Kinesthetic—the capacity of using one’s own body skillfully as a means of expression or to work with one’s body to create or manipulate objects (example: Michael Jordan)
Interpersonal—the capacity to appropriately and effectively communicate with and respond to other people (example: Oprah)
Intrapersonal—the capacity to accurately know one’s self, including knowledge of one’s own strengths, motivations, goals, and feelings (example: Freud)

Example #1: A second-grade art teacher asks the class to draw a tree.
A child with average Visual-Spatial Intelligence will draw a tree like this:

A child with advanced Visual-Spatial Intelligence will draw a tree like this:

Example #2: Parents get in an argument over money in front of their two children.

A child with average Interpersonal Intelligence will think:

My parents are fighting about money again.

A child with advanced Interpersonal Intelligence will notice that their parents’ body language has changed since the last argument and think:

My parents are going to get a divorce over money. I really shouldn’t ask for anything for my birthday this year. Maybe they’ll stay together if I don’t, because then they’ll have more money.

In both examples, two children were exposed to the same stimuli, but each reacted to it very differently.

Example #3: A parent picks up her son early from school because he’s sick.

A child with average Interpersonal Intelligence will think:

Mom picked Henry up from school because he’s sick.

A child with advanced Interpersonal Intelligence will think:

Mom picked Henry up from school because she loves him more. She picked him up last week too. I really don’t think Henry’s sick. I think Mom just wants to spend more time with him. I wish Mom would love me as much as she loves Henry.

    These are all examples of smart kids who may or may not be successful at school. The child in Example #1 is a superior artist but may have a processing disorder. She may spend her time drawing instead of doing her work and may get into trouble for being distracted by her art, because that’s all she really wants to do. Chances are the classroom teacher won’t see the child in Example #1 as smart. Chances are the art teacher will, though. He might even see her as gifted. So who’s right: the classroom teacher or the art teacher? It all depends on what they specialize in. The classroom teacher specializes in Logical-Mathematical Intelligence, and the art teacher specializes in Visual-Spatial Intelligence.

    The children in Example #2 and Example #3 are what many therapists are seeing in their offices. Kids with high Interpersonal Intelligence are the kids who are highly sensitive, highly perceptive, and who take relational experiences to the next level. They pick up on the slightest changes within the family system and react to them with high amounts of emotion. They are always tuned into how much attention little brother is getting and to how their friends perceive them. This high attunement means they may have a hard time shutting off what’s going on around them.

    You may look at the Seven Types of Intelligence and know exactly where your child fits, or you may be unsure. Your child might be great athlete and therefore have a high level of Bodily-Kinesthetic Intelligence. He may also be a great listener and friend, and therefore have a high level of Interpersonal Intelligence. He may also struggle in art class, and therefore have a lower Visual-Spatial Intelligence. This does not mean your child is going to grow up to be a likable, professional athlete. It just means that right now, these are the areas he finds success in. In other words, these are the areas where he has natural abilities.

Natural Abilities vs. Hard Work

    Just because your child is smart doesn’t mean he’s going to succeed at everything. Even if he puts in the extra effort, he still may not be as successful as some of his peers. When I was ten years old, I decided I wanted to be a college basketball player. That summer I asked my dad for a basketball hoop, a weight set, and a jump rope. By the next year, I was the best basketball player in my grade. At eleven, I thought if I worked hard enough, I could play at the University of Connecticut, a premier powerhouse, and maybe even become a professional basketball player. But what I learned throughout middle and high school is that you can’t practice quickness. You can’t practice jumping abilities, and you can’t make yourself taller. By my senior year I was a five-foot, seven-inch shooting guard who managed to get a basketball scholarship…but not to UConn.

    That spring, I read an article about a girl who’d just started playing basketball her junior year. She was six-foot-three, could touch the rim, and was going to a top-ranked Division I school. I remember feeling defeated and overwhelmed by the sheer amount of hours I had spent training that she hadn’t.

But what I realize now is that the hard work did pay off—just not in basketball. The discipline it took to stick to my training routine has shaped the rest of my life. During my senior year in high school, however, I couldn’t see that.

    That natural abilities sometimes override hard work is a difficult dynamic for kids to understand. Some kids spend hours doing homework, while other kids finish in fifteen minutes. Some kids kick a goal in their first soccer game, while other kids don’t make one all season. When kids put effort into succeeding and they don’t measure up to their peers, their reality shifts. Common sense says, If I work hard, I’ll succeed, but that’s not always the case.

The Expectation of Success

    How does this make kids anxious? Many smart kids expect to be good at one thing just because they’re good at another. They don’t need to practice in the activity that fits their natural ability, so why should they practice at another sport, skill, or class? Kids who excel in Logical-Mathematical Intelligence may expect to be the best player on the soccer team, and Bodily-Kinesthetic kids who earn the highest belt in karate class expect to receive the greatest applause at the piano recital. If these expectations aren’t met, they’ll often become frustrated and either make excuses or want to quit.

    If this sounds like your child, it’s important to remind him that effort is just as important as success. Reward your child for spending two hours practicing kicking goals rather than scoring two goals in a game. After your child practices for an hour, take him out for ice cream. After he practices for a month, buy him a new soccer ball or a new soccer shirt.

    It’s also important to show empathy for your child’s frustration (more about empathy later). Many smart kids have never experienced failure, and by acknowledging this, you let them know you understand what they’re going through. You can recognize your child’s sadness or frustration by saying, “I know you don’t want to go to karate, but we’ve already signed up,” and “I’m sorry soccer has been so hard for you. I know you’ll be glad when the season is over.” This lets your child know that while you won’t let him quit, at least you understand how he feels.

     After all, kids go into activities with excitement and enthusiasm, which lasts until the first bump in the road. Then, kids have to make a decision: Is the time and effort required to become good really worth it? To some kids it is. To others, it’s not. Regardless, when you’re used to things coming easily, it’s hard to manage the frustration when things are difficult.

Motivated Smart Kids

    Some smart kids will want to take academics to the highest level. They’ll start talking about college in elementary school, and even about going to Harvard one day. As a parent, this is exciting. Seeing your child interested in something on a grand scale lets you know your child is not only smart, but also motivated. However, when your child talks about college and future employment, it’s important to listen while not appearing to be the driving force. Because smart kids are easily bored and will change their minds; if you attach too much importance to his conversation about Harvard, it may end up pushing your child away.

    It’s also important not to be the one to start conversations about grand accomplishments. If he wants to tell you about his desire to go to an Ivy League school, say, “That’s great. I hope you can go there someday.” That’s a much different response than, “You’re going to have to get straight A’s from here on out. Do you know how many applicants that school gets?” The first one is supportive. The second one is loaded with expectations. When you support your child, you allow him to figure out where he fits without deciding for him. When you expect your child to do something, you narrow the playing field and put pressure on him to either fail or succeed in a specific area.

    When he asks your opinion about going to Harvard, say, “I’ll be happy wherever you go.” Many smart kids will get rejected from Harvard, and while you appreciate your child’s drive and motivation, you also want to set the tone of I’ll love you regardless. Smart kids sometimes don’t handle rejection well, and it’s comforting for them to know they’ll have support no matter what.

The Unmotivated Smart Child

    Many parents are in the opposite position. They realize how smart their child is but can’t seem to get him to take advantage of his opportunities. They see he has a 146 IQ but is doing only grade-level math. According to the Weschler Intelligence Scale, children who score above a 130 are considered to have “very superior” intelligence. Children who score between 120–129 are considered “superior,” and those scoring between 110–119 are considered “high average.” Average intelligence is considered to be between 90–109, so when a child scores a 146, the expectations are much higher.

    If you have a child with a high IQ who is doing only average in school, just be patient. A lot of pressure goes along with being smart. In the early grades (K–2), smart kids have to do next to nothing to stay afloat. Once third grade hits, school gets harder, and smart kids have to try, often creating issues. Trying is not something smart kids are used to. For them, it’s like putting on a three-piece suit when you’re used to running around in your underwear. It feels heavy, confining, and stuffy, and all you want to do is peel it off, but you can’t. Instead, you’re stuck trying to find the freedom you used to have.

    This is a tough place to be for a smart child: realizing that learning isn’t always easy and that life takes effort. He can no longer just slide by; now there are expectations and work to be done to meet these expectations. “Your child can do this,” is often what teachers say to the parents of smart kids. “He just doesn’t apply himself.”

How to Motivate Smart Kids

    If your child is unmotivated, do not blame him. Think of the things you’re unmotivated to do: housework, errands, exercise, balancing your checkbook, filing your taxes, and then think of how you get yourself to do them. You tell yourself: I’ll feel better when this is over.

    That’s exactly how you teach smart kids to try. You say, “I know you don’t like doing your homework, but when you’re finished, we’re going to go to the park.” That’s so much more effective than saying, “You HAVE to do homework. That’s just part of life. Do you want to fail third grade?”

    That approach is overwhelming to kids. After all, they didn’t choose to be smart. Now they’re being held to a higher bar than other kids their age, and they see it as unfair. Regardless of kids’ immediate desires, it’s important for parents to help their kids reach their potential. Letting them waste their intelligence is not a good outcome for anyone. So learning how to motivate them is key.

You can motivate smart kids by:

Empathizing

Rewarding

    Empathizing is just saying, “I get it. I get that you don’t like school. I get that you despise homework. I get that you’re bored. I get that all you want to do is play with Lego Star Wars. I get that you hate every minute school is in session and that all you think about is what you’re going to do after. I get it. But you have to go because that’s the law. I’m sorry.”

    Rewarding is saying, “You did something you didn’t want to do; now you can do something you do want to do.” This is a great life lesson. There are so many things in life we don’t want to do, but we do them anyway. We work hard on weekdays so we can go to the lake on weekends. We get up early to go to the gym so we can have dessert after dinner. We make sacrifices every day, and teaching kids that the product of sacrifice is reward is essential to their growth and development.

    For smart kids, it’s important to do the hard things first. Homework should be done before play. Studying should be finished before their favorite show comes on, and work should be completed before downtime. Some parents choose to let their kids relax for a while after school, and if that works for you, that’s fine. Just don’t let the fun be so much fun that they can’t pull themselves away. If so, they will become even more resentful of school. If they’re really into playing outside or building a Lego tower, chances are, getting homework done is going to be even more of a challenge.

How Intelligence Is Valued in the Home

    How you view the Seven Types of Intelligence will affect what your child does/does not value. If you are an academic person, you likely value Logical-Mathematical Intelligence. If you are an artist, you likely value Visual-Spatial Intelligence, and if you are an athlete, you likely value Bodily-Kinesthetic Intelligence. This is true even if you never say this to your child. You may never say: “I want you to be a doctor,” but if you are a doctor, then your child is going to see becoming a doctor as success. If you are an artist and your child comes home with a winning art project, he’s going to see that as more important than an A on a math assignment, because he knows that’s what you value.

    A friend of mine became an orthopedic surgeon because, growing up, his father used to talk about how amazing the town orthopedic surgeon was. He recalls sitting around the dinner table, hearing his father talk about how smart the orthopedic surgeon was and how much money he made, and although the father never pushed his son to become one, the tone in the house suggested that orthopedic surgeons were the thing to be. My friend was a natural athlete and loved football; however, he chose the academic route because that was what was valued in his home. Forty years later, he’s spent his life becoming not what he wanted to be, but what his father wanted him to be.

    This lack of awareness of our own values versus what our parents’ value is common for the majority of adults. As kids, we did what we thought would be accepted by our parents. I was a basketball player because that’s what was valued in my home. Was it my most natural ability? No, but the rewards for doing well in sports were greater than doing well in academics. It wasn’t until I acquired a stomach virus during my junior year in college that I finally chose another area to focus on. Sitting on the bench for the first time in my life, I realized that basketball was no longer serving me. I dove into my studies and realized my talents were much greater in academics than they were in sports.

    There may be instances when your child will become interested in something of which you hold no value. This doesn’t mean your child doesn’t value your opinion; it’s just that he’s found value in his own thing. If you value academics and your child would rather throw a football than do homework, your values are going to collide. You may reward him for getting good grades, but eventually, being a high school quarterback is going to mean more to him than getting a 30 on the ACT. While neither being the quarterback nor scoring a 30 on the ACT guarantees success in life, it’s hard to change what a child values, especially if he’s getting affirmation for it from his peers. Peer affirmation will nearly always trump parental affirmation, especially as kids get older.

    While you shouldn’t hide your values from your kids, it’s important to consider what comes naturally to your child. If your child has high Logical-Mathematical skills, then valuing academics is going to be in alignment with him. If he has high Bodily-Kinesthetic Intelligence, then valuing sports is going to be a good fit as well.

    And if your child has high motivation as well as a natural ability, the sky is the limit on how successful he can be. If he is both smart and motivated in school, he can go to a top university. If he has amazing speed and trains every day, he can become a track star. It’s just that motivation and natural abilities don’t always align.

    Sometimes your child will have the drive but not the natural ability. Other times, he’ll have the natural ability but not the drive. When I refer to “drive” I am referring to the passion, discipline, and desire to be great at something. Many anxious kids have a lot of drive and are looking for a way to channel it. Therefore, when they find an outlet, such as sports, music, or theater, they throw all of their energy into becoming great. It’s no wonder many famous people have admitted to struggling with anxiety. They had both the drive and a natural ability in a specific area.

How Intelligence Is Valued at School

No matter what you value at home, Logical-Spatial, Linguistic, and Interpersonal Intelligence are what’s valued at school. That your child is a great artist, a great athlete, or a great violinist is generally not as important as how well your child reads, does math problems, writes essays, and behaves inside the classroom. Logical-Spatial and Linguistic Intelligences are valued at school because that’s what is being tested. That’s what teachers are held accountable for, what standardized tests are based on, what’s covered on the SAT, and what determines where your child goes to college. If your child does well in these areas, the work itself will not be an issue. Other aspects of life at school might be an issue, but your child will have no problem learning the material he is supposed to master.

    Interpersonal Intelligence determines how well your child behaves inside the classroom: how well he gets along with peers, how he responds to teachers, and how he carries himself throughout the school day are extremely important, especially when there are deficiencies in this area. If your child is disruptive, you will get a phone call faster than if your child is struggling academically. If your child is an angel, his learning issues might be overlooked because of his sweet demeanor.

When I was a classroom teacher and saw a student quietly working, I assumed he knew how to do the assignment. If another student was tapping his pencil loudly on his desk, I assumed he didn’t know how to do the assignment or couldn’t concentrate enough to complete it. The two kids may have had the same issue, but the child tapping the pencil got my attention faster because he was disrupting the other students.

    Kids who have a high Interpersonal Intelligence are either loved by teachers who find them enjoyable to be around or disliked because of their tendency to focus on the social aspects of school instead of the schoolwork itself. Kids who have high levels of Interpersonal Intelligence are often big talkers and find socializing to be of utmost importance. I was the child who got the “talks too much” note on every report card, and little did I know that learning how to talk to whomever I was sitting by would help me in my career as a therapist. The tendency to talk to anyone was seen as a bad thing at school but has served as a great asset in my professional life.

While you need to value what your child’s school values, focusing too much on it is overwhelming to children. Because Logical-Spatial, Linguistic, and Interpersonal Intelligences already focus on so much at school, if you continue that level of focus at home, kids will become frustrated and resistant. Especially if school is not going well, talking about it at home only promotes anxiety.

    If kids have to rehash something that happened at school, they will resent school, as well as resent their time at home. In this case, their behavior at school may bleed over into everything else. School, instead of lasting just seven hours, will end up lasting for twelve or fourteen hours, because kids will spend the whole evening in trouble. However, the main problem with rehashing events that happened at school is that kids often don’t remember exactly what happened. They may not remember why they talked out at 9:30, or how they managed to get put out in the hallway. Asking them why they did something they barely remember is not only unfair to them, it’s unfair to you. If you can’t get the answer you need from your child, it may be better to set up a conference with his teacher than to try and pull information out of your child.

Providing After-School Outlets

    A better approach is to focus on the other areas of intelligence during after-school hours. Some kids wait all day for school to be over. They don’t enjoy it and live for those few hours in between school and bedtime, where they feel successful. Allowing them this time is a wonderful gift to give to a child. Kids need to experiment with the other levels of intelligence by taking art classes, doing gymnastics, taking piano lessons, or joining a soccer team.

    Finding meaningful activities also helps smart kids control their anxiety. A symptom of anxiety is being “keyed up,” and giving kids a chance to release some of that keyed-up energy helps them become less anxious overall. Providing physical outlets, such as Run Fast! Jump High! (Tool #13), is a way to do this. Even if they don’t provide a physical release, it is important for anxious kids to be actively engaged in activities they feel positive about. For example, if a child is worried about a math test on Friday, he can go to his favorite art class after school on Thursday. Instead of worrying about the math test, for that hour of creating art, he can feel happy and positive, which will help release some of the anxious energy.

    If you have tried several activities and nothing has seemed to stick, it’s important not to give up. Activities such as rock climbing, lacrosse, and horseback riding are options that many kids really enjoy. It’s also great to have your child do something in the community, such as volunteering at the food bank or helping out with younger children. Community activities help kids feel good about themselves and give them a sense of purpose. One child I worked with was not athletic but really loved animals. Instead of going through another dreadful soccer season, his mom signed him up to be a volunteer at an animal shelter. The child loved it! He formed positive relationships with the animals and couldn’t wait to go back every week.

What Giftedness Means to Kids

    Giftedness is the term schools use to identify kids who have heightened levels of Logical-Mathematical and Linguistic Intelligence. If you have a child who is certified gifted, then your child has scored 126 or more on the Stanford-Binet Intelligence test, along with scoring in the 90th percentile on a statewide achievement test. Your child may not have been tested yet, as the testing process for giftedness varies widely from state to state. Some children get identified as early as pre-school, while other children don’t begin the process until third or fourth grade. If your child has received certification for giftedness, then he is among the three million other kids who are currently labeled as gifted in the United States. Each year, programs such as Child Find conduct annual screenings in public schools to determine unidentified gifted students. When I was a school counselor, we identified a boy with a 149 IQ through Child Find who wasn’t considered smart by his teachers. He did average work yet he scored in the superior range.

    The public school system often pulls kids out of the classroom for enrichment classes if they meet the criteria for giftedness. While this can seem like a privilege, leaving the classroom can be tough on kids. Childhood is a time where kids are striving to fit in, and anything that makes a child feel “different” can have negative effects. When gifted kids are pulled out they not only miss what goes on in the classroom but have to explain where they have been. Saying they’re in a program for smart kids can have social consequences, so they will often just call it a “group” or a “program,” to avoid drawing more attention to themselves.

    If your child goes to a private school, you may not know if your child meets the criteria for giftedness. Private schools are not required by law to provide services for gifted children (or any child with a special need), and many do not actively seek out smart kids for gifted screenings. Parents can have their own testing conducted, or they can ask the school to provide testing—although they may not agree. For bright kids at private schools, parents are often expected to seek out their own resources to help challenge their child.

    I’ve worked with many kids who have scored in the 140’s or 150’s on intelligence tests and have no idea how smart they are. Their parents have wisely chosen not to tell them about their scores and instead have encouraged them just to do their best. If your child has produced a high IQ score, I would recommend this same approach. After all, giftedness is an adult word; kids have no use for it. The only thing giftedness means to kids is they get to go to a different class (sometimes) and do extra work (occasionally). What being “gifted” really means to kids is school is easy and, too often, they’re bored.

    Gifted kids often finish their work early and spend most of their time reading. If they have a good teacher, they’ll do extra work, finish that too, and then spend more time reading. Their boredom often leads to trouble once they run out of reading material. They’ll start talking or drawing or disturbing the class. They’ll correct their teacher when she slips up. And it’s no surprise that school, instead of being their comfort zone, can become a dreaded place. For children who excel in levels of intelligence besides those identified by gifted programs, school can be especially tough, because they experience such a discrepancy between success and failure.

    What do I mean by that? If your child is a brilliant artist, when he goes to art class, he will feel great measures of success. An hour later, when he’s called on to read a short story, he stutters, feels embarrassed, and suddenly his success in art class, only an hour before, has completely vanished. The same goes for kids who excel in sports. In P.E., they score the winning shot in a basketball game and are celebrated. They are on cloud nine when they reenter the classroom, only to find out they failed yesterday’s math test and have to take it again. This discrepancy is confusing for kids. They were smart enough to elude two defenders and score the winning basket but not smart enough to add 6 + 8.

    If your child is not getting enough stimulation at school, you may need to find other ways to provide the level of stimulation he needs. If he’s not being stimulated academically, you can enroll him in programs such as Kumon (www.kumon.com), which provides an individualized math and reading curriculum for each child based on his abilities, not his age or grade level. For example, if your child is in third grade but is capable of doing sixth-grade math, Kumon will provide a curriculum of sixth-grade math, so your child will not only be challenged, but also will be able to make even more gains in math.

    If your child is an amazing artist but isn’t being challenged by the school’s art program, you can enroll him in art classes based on his level of talent. You can request private lessons from an artist or make a special request for your child to be in a community-based class with older students, based on his ability. The same goes for kids who have musical talents. Finding a voice coach or a violin teacher who will allow your child to maximize his gifts will often give smart kids the stimulation they need. Finding the right teacher is imperative, and once you find someone who can connect with your child and invest in his talent, smart kids will often grow exponentially.

What You Must Remember…

    The ability to take concepts and ideas to the next level is not a choice; it is something smart kids do without trying. While this skill can be a great asset in school, sports, art, or everyday life, it can also cause great pain. Because smart kids are always thinking, their minds never rest. They are constantly spinning thoughts over and over which can help them be brilliant and creative but can also lead to a continual struggle with anxiety.

… Continued…

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KND Freebies: Fascinating sci-fi collection STRANGE WORLDS is featured in today’s Free Kindle Nation Shorts excerpt

Drawing on a rich tradition of sci-fi, fantasy and satire, Paul Clayton channels the spirits of Huxley, Orwell and Philip K. Dick in these 14 provocative and highly entertaining stories.

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Strange Worlds

by Paul Clayton

5.0 stars – 4 Reviews
Text-to-Speech and Lending: Enabled
Here’s the set-up:

In the future, the love of a young man’s life is dying. He would do almost anything to keep her alive…except that! In “Dog Man,” it turns out that Oscar the tomcat was just misunderstood — with deadly consequences. A lovesick young man attempts to tap the power of an ancient religion to secure the affections of a girl on their class trip to Christland. A cynical young ‘player’, adrift in the modern, amoral age meets God on a mountain top and his life is changed forever — but not in the way he’d ever imagined. Just some of the provocative stories included in Strange Worlds

Warning: Some of these stories contain complicated, thought-provoking moral situations and other grownup content that may not be suitable for YA (young adult) readers, JA (juvenile adult) readers, and MA (mushy adult) and PA (pseudo adult) readers. These stories do not contain any gratuitous violence or titillating sexual content. The writer assumes no responsibility for any anxiety or stress the reader may suffer as a result of consuming these stories.

5-star praise for Strange Worlds:

“Varied and quirky… I had a lot of fun wandering through Paul Clayton’s imaginings…fourteen stories…remarkable for how different they all are, considering they come from one person’s mind.”

“Fascinating short stories!!…some a a bit creepy, some are scary, some are just fascinating…”

an excerpt from

Strange Worlds

by Paul Clayton

 

Copyright © 2014 by Paul Clayton and published here with his permission

The Triumph

Guinevere O’Rourke approached the steps of the Sea Haven High School gymnasium and paused. Across the street, the gold cross atop Holy Redeemer Church caught the light of the setting sun. The sight soothed her a little. A scream came from inside the darkened gym. The cries and calls of the townspeople, those still locked up inside the equipment room, were heart rending.

“Gwinney!” someone shouted.

Guinevere recognized the voice as belonging to Mr. Stroud, the owner of Stroud’s Candy up on the boardwalk. In his sixties, Mr. Stroud was still a powerful man. He’d been a volunteer fireman since his twenties. She remembered his hairy, muscled arms lifting her up onto the fire truck at the Veterans Day parade.

“Gwinney!” His voice broke with emotion. “Help me, please, for Christ’s sake.” He said something else but his words were drowned out by the pitiful cries of the others imprisoned inside.

She tried not to listen. They screamed at her to save them. She was trying, damn it! That’s why she was here. And maybe, just maybe, she would. Dr. Katz seemed to think they could. But they, she, wouldn’t really know until she went in—there. And in order to do that she had to steel herself—for every molecule in her body was screaming at her to turn and run and never stop running. So she shut out their pitiful screams, concentrating instead on the hymn that her grandma used to hum in her last days, when the pain of her cancer was too much for her.

Guinevere’s body felt afire. She wiped the sweat from her brow. The day was cool but the dye Dr. Katz had injected into her veins was still heating up her blood. Dr. Katz had said the effect would only last about a half an hour. And that meant that they had to do this thing right away if it was going to work.

Guinevere had found Dr. Katz in his offices. It was the day after The Thing had rounded up half the population of Sea Haven by sending them the notice. Typed on County stationary, It told them to come in and pick up a check, their part of the class action suit the County had filed against the Army Corp of Engineers for their dredging in the bay. It was a good ploy. Money talked, as the saying went, and they had all walked right on down to line up at the school hall that morning. And The Thing had gotten hold of them all as easily as ordering four dozen pizzas over the telephone.

Guinevere had gotten the notice too, but had not gone. She had been so depressed over David’s walking out of her life, that free gold bars would not have gotten her out of the house.

Strange, she thought, as she stood facing the school gym, the screams and cries ringing in her ears, she couldn’t bring David’s face to mind anymore, nor his lame excuses. She now realized how petty that loss was compared to what so many others on Sea Haven had lost, and what she could possibly lose here and now.

Be positive, she told herself. Remember Grandma. Remember the hymn. “Glory, glory, glory…” That was all she remembered. The melody gave her strength and she hummed it under her breath, partially drowning out their cries. Remember what Dr. Katz had said, she scolded herself. He believed in her. And he believed this plan would work. In fact, he had showed her the dye working. Well, sort of, under a microscope. And if it didn’t work they were both dead anyway, for it would find them eventually as it had all the others.

There was no way out of Sea Haven. All the boats were gone and the causeway had been severed by a gravel barge which mysteriously floated free of its mooring on the night when it all began. That’s what one of the men in the equipment room had said.

And what in God’s name was happening on the mainland? There was only the hiss of static on the radio, noisy white snow on the TV. After driving around for hours, Guinevere had found Dr. Katz at the medical building. She had opened a door and there he was, looking into a microscope.

“You surprised me,” Dr. Katz had said, “I had no idea there was anyone left free.”

Guinevere shook her head. “No one but me, as far as I know. I drove all over until I ran out of gas.”

Dr. Katz was middle age chubby, with soft brown, expressive eyes. He stuck a finger under his yarmulke to scratch his scalp. “He has the entire town’s Rh’s.”

“Not all of them” said Guinevere.

“You’re Rh?”

Guinevere nodded. “I got the letter telling me to go to the school but didn’t. Why did It corral Rh’s?”

Dr. Katz frowned. “I’ve found some drained of their blood. He evidently needs it to survive.”

Guinevere’s stomach twisted at the thought.

“They’re the lucky ones,” said Dr. Katz. “The others…”

“I know,” said Guinevere. “I was in the cage, you know, the equipment room at the gym.”

Dr. Katz’ face was rapt with interest.

“But how did you end up in there if you didn’t go with the others when you received that notification?”

Guinevere cried softly. “It…took me there. I was asleep. I remember waking suddenly and being aware of something in the bedroom with me. I think It drugged me because that’s all I remember and the next thing I know I’m waking up in the cage with the others.” Guinevere shook her head as if trying to shake the memory.

“How did you escape?”

“I was in the back when It showed up at the door. It was really dark. Then It stuck its arm, or foot through. Everybody screamed and ran to the back so It wouldn’t pick them. I was pushed up against the fence. Some man… he was unconscious on the floor… had sawn some of the chain links of the fence open with a key or something. There was just enough room for me to squeeze through. Some older guy tried to follow me but I think It got him when he got stuck.”

Guinevere shuddered at the thought. “What is It, anyway?” she said.

“An annelid, but a manmade variety.”

Guinevere’s face screwed up in disgust. “Annelid?”

“Annelid worm, you know, leeches. It has human DNA too and is probably some kind of human/annelid hybrid.”

“But how can a worm be so strong?”

Dr. Katz smiled a sad little smile. “Ever try to put one on a fishhook? Relative to their size, they’re hundreds of times stronger than a human.”

“Oh, God.” Guinevere’s heart began pounding. “There’s gotta be a way off the island?”

Dr. Katz shook his head. “No.” He began putting on his backpack. “I’m afraid not.”

“Where are you going?” she asked.

“Where it all started. GenecisTech. I need more samples.”

“I’m going with you.”

***

The sun was setting as they parked Dr. Katz’ Volvo in the GenecisTech parking lot. The building was low, modern, and window-less, with handprint-activated security systems in every room. It covered a city block. Guinevere remembered the controversy when they had started building it. Initially a lot of people were against it. She remembered Father Fahey and some nuns, and other, mostly older people, marching around in a little circle out front with their signs. Nobody else seemed to have had the experience or vision to anticipate something like this.

‘Vampires,’ her friends had disparagingly called the protestors. But money flowed in and GenecisTech was built. Guinevere recalled how hardly any of the GenecisTech employees lived on the island. Every evening they’d get into their little luxury cars and race across the causeway to the mainland, every evening that is, until ‘that’ evening.

The glass doors and metal frame of the main entrance were smashed outward as if someone had driven a car through it. Somewhere deep inside the building a fire alarm rang. Dr. Katz swung his backpack off his shoulder and took out a plastic bag and a pair of metal tongs. He knelt to pick up something that looked like black gelatin.

“Sample,” he said, dropping it into the bag. He got to his feet. “Let’s go.”

The building was a shambles, with broken glass everywhere, some walls smeared with blood. All the doors had been smashed through. They entered a small office and Guinevere stopped. Two booted feet stuck out from under a large polished mahogany desk. Dr. Katz gave one a tug and it came clear of the desk, just a booted foot, a shattered tibia protruding from it.

Guinevere’s eyes clenched shut. She felt faint.

Dr. Katz got to his feet and led her back out into the hallway. “Are you okay?” he said.

She nodded, unable to speak.

They continued their exploration, coming to a door leading into a large lab with strange machines, refrigerators and computers. Dr. Katz paused.

“Is it safe here?” Guinevere asked. “I mean, what if It comes back here?”

“He moves rather slowly, from what I’ve gathered. We’re safe for now.”

“Why do you keep saying he?”

Dr. Katz shrugged. “Well, It’s neither he nor she. I just say he because it’s easier.” He pushed open the door of the lab. “I’m going to see if there’s any salvageable gear, then run some tests.”

He looked at her momentarily. “Maybe you can locate that alarm and turn it off.”

Dr. Katz went inside, broken glass crunching under his feet.

Guinevere moved down the corridor toward the sound of the alarm. Dim emergency lights lit the hallways. Passing several darkened rooms, she came to a brightly lit room from which came the whir of computers. A dull thump, followed by a metallic click, sounded every now and then as if someone were pushing a switch somewhere.

Guinevere stepped over the rubble and went inside. She saw a large monitor, computer code scrolling across the screen. Racks of servers whirred busily, little LEDs blinking. The thump and click came again from the other side of a row of file cabinets. Guinevere frowned. The cabinets seemed to have been hastily stacked as if to create a defensive barricade.

Guinevere walked the length of the room, coming to a gap of about three inches. She peered through and saw someone’s arm with what appeared to be silver bracelets around it. Their hand was poised on a handprint identifier mounted on the wall. The hand pushed against the identifier with a click and the facing plate of the identifier lit. The arm relaxed, but its owner did not remove his hand from the identifier.

“Hello?” Guinevere called.

They didn’t answer. Guinevere frowned and followed the cabinets to the end of the room. The last one lay on its side and she stepped up onto it. She froze at what she saw—a severed arm was attached to the wall with metal brackets—the bracelets she’d seen. The stump of the arm was enclosed in a plastic bag with clear plastic tubing running into and out of it. A human heart had been attached to the wall at the other end of one of the tubes, a plastic bag full of blood hanging from it. Colored wires connected it all up to the computer.

The computers whirred suddenly and the heart convulsed, sending a red spurt of blood through the tube to the arm, which then flexed spastically, driving the hand into the plate of the identifier with a click. Guinevere felt faint, leaning against the cabinet to steady herself.

“Every time the mainframe needs a permission, It sends a signal to his arm, driving the hand into the identifier.” Dr. Katz was standing behind her.

“Jesus,” said Guinevere, revulsion threatening to sicken her, “whose arm?”

“Probably the CEO’s.”

Guinevere shook her head in disbelief. “God… tearing someone to pieces like that and then using the parts. It’s so gross, so…”

“It’s evil,” said Dr. Katz. He ripped the wires from the gruesome machine. “And evil has always been with us. Sometimes it dresses up in snazzy uniforms, sometimes in white smocks.”

Dr. Katz scanned the racks of computers. “It would be very interesting to get into the system and see what he’s up to. But there’s more important work to do now.” He led Guinevere back out into the hall.

“Let’s see if we can find that alarm. It’s giving me a headache.”

They walked down the corridor. Dr. Katz opened a fire escape door and a metallic cacophony assaulted them. He opened a circuit box and threw a switch. Thick silence like wet cardboard hung heavily.

***

In the lab, Guinevere stared out the window at the blackness. A squall was passing overhead, wind-driven rain splattering noisily against the glass. Dr. Katz worked at one of the tables. Every so often she glanced at the darkened doorway. Dr. Katz didn’t think It could catch them here, but Guinevere wasn’t so sure.

“Guinevere. Come here.”

She walked over. Dr. Katz was smiling.

“Look in there and tell me what you see.”

Guinevere peered into the microscope. “It looks like wool or felt.”

Dr. Katz shook his head. “It’s him. A very dead piece of him.”

“Is that the stuff you found by the door?”

“Yes. I added a dye to make it easier to view the cell structure and it caused a total breakdown.”

“How does that help us?”

“If he ingests the dye, even a tiny amount, he dries up. Ever see what happens when salt is applied to a snail?”

Guinevere nodded. “But how do we get dye into him?”

“If the dye…” Dr. Katz paused, his brown eyes looking deep into hers, “if it was in the blood of one of the Rh’s, and he attempted to feed off them…”

Guinevere’s heart leapt in her chest at what he was suggesting. She certainly could never go back there and allow herself to be some kind of bait!

Dr. Katz’ kindly brown eyes seemed to read her mind. “If I could get close enough to the cage I could inject the others… or him.”

Guinevere nodded tiredly. “I have to get some sleep.”

Dr. Katz smiled sadly. “Of course.” He turned around to his microscope.

***

Guinevere laid her head back in a big swivel chair, willing sleep to come. It wouldn’t. Every time she was at the point of drifting off she’d dream that The Thing was approaching and jerk to wakefulness. How could people create such a thing, her mind raged? Didn’t they anticipate the dangers?

Guinevere sat up. Her heart was pounding and she was soaked with sweat. The lights were dim. Dr. Katz worked with his back to her in a soft pool of yellow light. She had to get away, but her gas tank was empty. She remembered Dr. Katz’s Volvo. She got quietly to her feet. She crept soundlessly to the entrance and went out.

The rain had stopped, leaving scattered puddles in the parking lot. Guinevere peered into the Volvo. The keys were in the ignition. She got in and started it, driving slowly down Atlantic Avenue. She turned onto the causeway. At the straightaway, she stepped down hard on the accelerator. ‘Careful,’ a voice in her head said, ‘the causeway’s been severed.’ That’s what the man in the cage had said. Maybe it was a lie, or maybe he was mistaken, she thought frantically as she sped down the darkened highway. Her mind raced. There might be boats. Or maybe she could swim it. Guinevere knew only that she had to get away.

The speedometer read 80 as the Volvo’s headlights carved a hole through the blackness, white stitching disappearing below. Guinevere screamed and slammed on the brakes. A void appeared before her. In the distance, twisted steel reinforcing rods stuck out of the concrete supports of the causeway on the other side of the chasm. She turned the car off and got out. Another ten feet and the car would have gone over.

Guinevere walked to the edge of the abyss. A slab of concrete tilted down to a broken support about ten feet below. She carefully climbed down and sat, staring into the black water. She felt guilty about leaving Dr. Katz, but she had not been able to help herself. The fecund smell of bay water and creosote filled her nostrils as a pale glow appeared in the east. She wanted to throw herself in the cold black water and get this nightmare over with, but she couldn’t. She cried softly, cursing her fear.

***

The sun rose slowly. Something in the water caught Guinevere’s eye. It was a car. As the light grew she saw that it was at the top of a pile of cars in the shallows of the bay. People had fled lemming-like that night, right into the cold salty water. In one car, a woman was visible through the windshield, floating face down. Her scalloped blonde hair undulated with the outgoing tide. A crab slid sideways across the top of the car, looking for a way in.

A wave of nausea passed through Guinevere and a spasm of crying shook her. She remembered being in a hospital as a child, looking down at Gram. Gram’s face had been almost green —- her liver had failed, allowing her blood to slowly poison her. Guinevere had been sobbing over her unconscious form when Gram took her hand and gave it a squeeze. The next moment the nurse was informing everyone that Gram had passed. Afterward Guinevere had told the nurse what had happened and she had said it had simply been a reflex. But Guinevere had known better. She felt Gram’s presence now, and it warmed her.

Guinevere became aware of a steady metallic clacking. She climbed slowly up onto the roadway and saw someone approaching from the distance. A few moments later Dr. Katz pedaled up to her on an old bicycle. He put the kickstand down. He was still wearing his yarmulke, jacket, tie and wine-colored shirt. Big wet sweat stains spread out from his armpits.

He smiled sadly. “Are you okay?”

She nodded. Something inside her had changed and she felt a resigned calm now. “Let’s go back.”

“Are you sure?”

She nodded. “Yes.”

***

From the gymnasium equipment room they implored her, “Gwinney, help! Help us!”

Guinevere’s legs felt as if they’d taken root in the asphalt. She peered into the darkness of the gym, wondering if Dr. Katz had made it to the cage to inject the others. She turned once more to look over at the cross atop Holy Redeemer church. The orange light of the setting sun seemed to set the cross afire. As she stared at it she felt that fire growing inside her, filling her with resolve.

Dear God, she prayed, give me strength! What had Dr. Katz said before he went inside? That surely two of God’s creations could triumph over one of man’s…

She started up the steps.

The End

Dog Man

Steve Crowley, or ‘Cap,’ as he was called by the other men in the wards, cursed quietly as the elevator door kept hitting him. He’d been attempting to maneuver his wheeled IV tower over the gap between the elevator and the second floor when the wheels had caught in the gap. Turning sideways, he gave the thing a good yank and freed it. He then walked slowly but confidently down the corridor pulling the tower along beside him.

Cap had been a Company Commander to approximately one hundred and fifty young infantrymen in Vietnam in 1968 and then again on a second tour in 1970. His only son having died in Iraq, he was now a widower with no living relatives, and a cancer patient. There were fifteen other men and three women in Penn’s Village Nursing Home who were military vets, and Cap knew and visited every one of them.

“Making your rounds a little late today, huh,” said Kimi Hermosa, the pretty Filipina at the nurses’ station.

Cap smiled and nodded. He’d spent two hours after breakfast with severe cramps, unable to get five feet from the can. He winced slightly at some residual pain, but it wasn’t enough to sideline him now. Today he would visit with Private Tanner, the Korean War vet, and then Papa, an ex-sailor on the third floor. And then, if he had time before dinner, he would visit Flo, the young woman with two prosthetic legs who had been a logistics specialist during Operation Iraqi Freedom, now living over in building two, Orthopedics.

Cap turned the corner. At the end of the hallway, Tanner’s door was open. Tanner was about ten years older than Cap, a truck driver in the army in Korea. Tanner had recently suffered a couple of minor heart attacks and the doctors had discovered some blockages and a bad valve. He was scheduled for surgery when he was strong enough.

Cap knocked on the door and called in.

“Yeah,” came the faint reply, “come on in.”

Tanner’s frail, ebony form was evident in the loose, light blue pajamas he wore as he sat up in bed. Up on his dresser, next to his ivory Buddha good luck charm, his boom box CD player, which usually churned out one Sixties Motown hit after another, was silent. Instead, a pre-season football game played on the wall-mounted TV. Hampton, the new orderly who was built like a linebacker, sat in the lone visitor’s chair next to the bed. Cap took up position at the foot of the bed.

Tanner’s sad eyes flashed Cap a smile. Hampton didn’t take his eyes from the TV. Cap could feel tension in the room. Hampton had only been on the ward about three months, but he’d quickly let it be known that he didn’t like white people. Cap didn’t let that bother him. He and Tanner were friends, despite race. And Cap was pretty sure that Tanner didn’t like Hampton much either, despite the fact that they were both black. Cap wondered why Tanner didn’t just kick the guy out of his room. He should be out there doing something, anything, earning his pay. Perhaps Tanner was intimidated by Hampton. Cap knew enough about men to have almost immediately identified Hampton as a Class A bully who would push around anyone he felt was weaker than himself. But Tanner was no pushover; at least he hadn’t been in his younger days. But now he was weakened by his bad ticker and depressed due to his estrangement from his son. Or, thought Cap, maybe it was some kind of ‘brother’ loyalty thing’—and Tanner wasn’t telling Hampton to leave because he was black.

“Well,” said Cap, “you’re looking good.”

Tanner smiled. “Thanks. Had a good night last night. They finally got my meds right.”

Cap nodded. “Nothing like a good night’s sleep to make a man feel better.”

“Uh huh,” Tanner assented.

Cap winked at Hampton, but the orderly said nothing.

They remained quiet, watching the TV. Hampton leisurely picked his teeth with a toothpick. Finally Hampton got up out of the chair. “Well, I’ll check you later, brother,” he said to Tanner.

Tanner nodded. “Okay.”

Hampton ignored Cap as he left the room.

Cap waited till he had gone. “Why do you let that guy hang around in here?” he said.

Tanner’s eyes shined. “Oh, he don’t bother me none.”

“Yeah, but he don’t help you none either.”

Tanner laughed. “He wants me to sell him my lucky Buddha.”

Cap looked at the ivory plaque on the dresser. A Buddha with his hand held up, giving a blessing; Tanner had gotten it in Korea. “It’s my lucky charm,” he’d told Cap the second time he’d visited Tanner. Tanner’s story of how he had acquired the Buddha had fascinated Cap. Tanner had been part of a transportation company of so-called colored troops at the Chosin Reservoir in 1950. Chinese soldiers, only rumored to be mobilizing, suddenly swarmed across the frozen shallows in such huge numbers that they’d completely overwhelmed the Americans. A Chinese soldier had run up to Tanner, tagging him on the chest and saying in broken English, “You prisoner. You prisoner.” Like most of the other Chinese soldiers, he didn’t even have a weapon.

The Chinese had then corralled the Americans off into a group. Many of the Americans had snuck off in the blackness and confusion of night and attempted to make their way back to the American lines. Just before Tanner and some others slipped away, he’d taken the little ivory carving from a dead Chinese soldier’s hand. The cross and other religious symbols were, of course, forbidden by the Chinese communist regime, and the soldier had evidently hidden it on his person, pulling it out to pray to it after taking a bullet.

The little talisman obviously hadn’t helped the Chinese soldier, but Tanner credited it with saving his life that night. Two of the troops he was with took a different trail and never made it back. Another had been shot when he’d finally approached his own lines because he hadn’t been able to correctly answer the password question shouted to him by a fellow GI and name some of the players who had pitched for the White Sox the year before. Tanner arrived at his own lines at daylight and safely got inside. For the rest of his life Tanner had treasured the little ivory carving for its art and the ‘luck’ he attributed to it.

“What’s he offering you for it?” Cap said.

Tanner shook his head dismissively. “Twenty bucks.” He laughed. “Shit! Just the ivory itself is worth more than ten times that. But I ain’t gonna sell it. I’m saving it for my son.”

Cap nodded. “What about your son? You hear from him lately?”

Tanner shook his head. “Nah. I still haven’t heard from him. Somebody told me he’s somewhere in the state, but he don’t never come round, and he don’t never call.”

Cap saw Oscar the cat appear at the door. He nodded toward it.

Tanner looked over. “What the hell he doin’ here?”

Oscar walked boldly into the room and jumped up onto the foot of Tanner’s bed. Tanner recoiled, pulling his bare feet back.

Cap studied the scruffy-looking old tom. The cat had been at the home for the last year and had acquired a reputation for being somewhat prescient. The stories had started slowly. Oscar knew, many of the nurses on staff insisted—when someone was going to die—and the compassionate cat made sure he was there to offer comfort. There had even been an orderly who had died in a car wreck that they claimed Oscar had predicted—spending the man’s last night hanging about his feet as he sat in the nurses’ station on his breaks.

Cap couldn’t bring himself to believe such things. After two tours in Vietnam and seeing so many men die while he, inexplicably, remained very much alive—he would have none of it. It was all luck or fate, pure and simple. Or God, if you preferred, calling the shots. But a cat? He didn’t care much for them. Sneaky creatures. He preferred dogs for their openness and eagerness.

Cap smiled. “Looks like he wants to spend the night.”

Tanner frowned. “Shit. Not with me he ain’t. He must have the wrong room.”

The cat sat with its back to the two men, its head moving slightly at the sound of their voices.

“You uncomfortable with him here?” Cap asked.

“He ain’t welcome here,” said Tanner.

“Okay, buddy,” Cap said, “you heard that. The man wants you out of here.” Cap reached over to pick up the cat and the cat hissed, swatting at him with its claws.

Tanner laughed as Oscar jumped off the bed. “He don’t like you none either, Cap.”

Cap smiled as the cat walked quickly out of the room. “That’s all right with me. He must know I’m a dog man. Never did like cats.”

***

The next day Cap exited the elevator on the third floor and started down the corridor. He saw two big orderlies waiting respectfully-silent outside room 7. Cap frowned, hoping Papa was alright. Papa was an old carpenter who had probably driven a few nails into Lincoln’s log cabin. The man had defied death for close to ninety years.

Cap walked past the orderlies and into the room, looking at the nurse and doctor standing beside the bed. Papa looked small now, shriveled in death. Cap had seen it all before many times. The nurse, a seasoned veteran named Weber, raised an eyebrow at Cap as the doctor stood up and began writing on Papa’s chart. Oscar, the big tomcat lay peacefully at Papa’s feet, refusing to let the fact of the old man’s death interrupt his rest.

“Simple cardiac arrest as far as I can determine,” said the doctor to Weber. “Ask the family if they’d like an autopsy and let me know.”

Weber nodded somberly and turned to the orderlies. Cap stepped back as they pushed the gurney into the room.

Cap smiled a sad little smile. “He was doing real good the day before yesterday. We played a little 5-card stud. Now I’ll never get my money back.”

Weber smoothed her skirt. “Serves you right for gambling.”

“Did I say money? I meant chips.”

She shook her head. “Well, at least he went quick.”

They watched the orderlies gently slide Papa off the bed and onto the gurney. Oscar the cat turned his head to watch, but didn’t move.

Weber nodded at the cat. “He always knows.”

“Are you sure?” said Cap. He smiled. “Maybe he’s some kind of soul-sucker, actively helping people over to the other side.”

Weber frowned as she stripped the sheets off the bed. “You just don’t like cats. He knows, that’s all.”

Oscar got to his feet, stretched, and jumped off the bed and left the room. They watched him go.

“It’s probably just because they’re too sick or weak to chase him out when he comes calling,” said Cap. “That’s all it is.”

Weber looked at him but didn’t add anything.

“I’m a dog man,” Cap said.

“I know,” Weber interrupted him, “never liked cats.”

Weber raised an eyebrow and Cap smiled and left the room.

Cap took the elevator back down to Private Tanner’s room. He found it empty and a passing nurse told him that Tanner was at radiology for some tests. On his way back to his own room, Cap nodded to Nurses Weber and Hermosa.

***

“Here he comes back from his rounds,” said Kimi Hermosa. “He’s busier than the chaplain.”

Nurse Weber nodded. “He feels like it’s his mission to visit all the vets and keep them motivated and positive. I don’t know how he can keep it up.”

Kimi frowned. “What do you mean?” she said.

“He’s terminal,” said Weber. “He has maybe a couple to six months and then he’ll be going to hospice.” She wiped away a single tear that started to form in the corner of her right eye.

Kimi nodded, surprised and touched at this little lapse into sentimentality by the older, almost-coldly professional nurse.

***

Nurse Kimi Hermosa adjusted the flow of the saline dripping from the bottle and into the tube that carried it into Mrs. Chin’s arm. Kimi looked down at the unconscious woman, the rising and falling of her chest barely visible under the light blanket. Concern darkened her face as she checked the chart. A Dr. Vaughan had seen Mrs. Chin at three, an hour before Kimi had arrived for her shift, and was aware of Chin’s weakened state. New tests had been ordered for tomorrow.

Kimi left the room and went back to the station across the hall. Handa, the other night nurse, was looking into the little fridge, her face lit by the light. “I can’t find my sandwich,” she said.

“Maybe it’s hidden behind something,” Kimi said.

“No,” said Handa. “It’s not in here. I bought it from the little truck down the street. Five bucks, but their stuff is really good.” Handa got to her feet. “That’s the second time something’s gone missing on me in this fridge.”

Kimi was on the verge of responding when she saw a blur of movement across the hall. She turned and looked up to see Oscar the cat strolling into Mrs. Chin’s room. Silently she said a prayer for the woman.

***

It knew the female across the passageway had seen it, but it knew also that there was no danger. It silently entered and jumped up onto the bed, thrilling at the ease with which it could move about and feed. When it had ended up in this world, if it had retained its own shape, it would not have lasted a day before the inhabitants would have run it down and taken its life. Indeed, even if it had acquired the shell of one of them, it would have brought more suspicion upon itself. But when it came upon the dying feline and took over its form, that had been most propitious, for felines were loved and worshipped by all in this world.

Mrs. Chin became aware of a presence. Not fully conscious, yet no longer dreaming, she knew it was very close and pleasantly evident at first as a slight tugging sensation on her scalp, not unlike someone running a brush through her hair. Soon the pulling became a pressure on her brain and her breathing became labored. There was something next to her. She felt it sucking her very life away. Fighting for breath, she attempted to call out but she could not make a sound.

***

Cap sensed the tension when he went into Tanner’s room. The boom box was silent and the TV on, Hampton again warming the chair as he watched an NBA game. Tanner was sitting up in bed, a magazine on his lap.

“Hey, soldier,” Cap said to him. “How’s it going today?”

Tanner nodded. “Ah, it’s goin’.”

Cap looked up at the TV as James went up for a shot. The ball went through the hoop like a greased ball bearing and the crowd erupted, Hampton coming forward in his chair to pump his big fist. “Alright!”

Cap looked over the dresser and noticed the Buddha was not there. “What happened to your friend?” he said, pointing to the empty dresser.

Tanner smiled sadly. “I don’t know. I told the head nurse. They say they don’t know nothing about it.”

“Shit,” said Hampton slowly, “that thing wasn’t worth much anyway. You can pick that shit up in Chinatown for five bucks now.”

“That’s not the point,” said Cap angrily, “It was the way he got it, the memory.”

Hampton’s face hardened, his eyes boring into Cap’s. “What the fuck business is it of yours anyway?”

Cap stiffened. This wasn’t a racial thing at all to him, but, he realized, to Hampton, everything was racial. And as a white, Cap had no business butting in. Well, screw that. Bigots came in all colors—obviously. But they did not yet rule the world, and he would damn well say and do whatever he deemed appropriate. “Private Tanner is a friend of mine,” said Cap, “and I’m making it…”

Nurse Weber breezed into the room, turning off the TV. She opened the curtains, letting the bright afternoon light into the room, then turned and looked at Tanner. “It’s time for your therapy.” She turned around to Hampton who was still looking up at the TV as if he couldn’t quite believe what had just happened. “Handa needs help getting 314 ready for the next patient,” she said to him, “and Mr. Townsend in 354 needs help getting into the bathroom, and there’s a mess in 309 where a bag of blood fell onto the floor.”

Hampton stared at her for a few seconds, saying nothing. Then he got slowly out of his chair and left the room.

***

Cap’s heart was pounding as the rounds rattled over them. They were caught in a classic L-shaped ambush where the trail angled up steeply toward the firebase, which couldn’t be more than two hundred yards up the trail. He couldn’t see most of his men as they hunkered down around him in the twilight. Preston, second platoon leader, popped his head up to shoot a burst from his M-16 and Cap took the opportunity to quickly scan the brush to their left. He saw the distinct muzzle flash of an AK a hundred feet away. He grabbed the horn from the back of his radioman’s ruck and was attempting to call for artillery when he saw the fiery pillars of mortar fire ‘walking’ down the slope, headed right for them…

Cap opened his eyes to bright, cold light and excited voices talking above and around him. Plastic tubes were taped to his arms. Oxygen hissed loudly as it filled the mask strapped around his face. He tried to sit up and an orderly pushed him back onto the bed.

“What the hell’s going on?” he said.

Nurse Weber’s stoic and reassuring face appeared before him. “You had a little relapse, Captain Crowley. Sleeping a little too deeply for some reason. The doctor thinks you’re not getting enough oxygen. He’s sent your blood to the lab for some tests”

Cap nodded appreciatively. “Have you seen Private First Class Tanner today?” he asked her.

Weber shook her head.

“His little lucky Buddha went missing. I was wondering if anyone found it yet?”

Weber smiled and shook her head. “I don’t know anything about that. Did he report it to security?

“I doubt it,” said Cap. He raised his head and noticed the scruffy orange coat of Oscar the cat at the foot of his bed. “Get him out of here,” he said.

The orderly laughed.

“Don’t tell me an old warrior like you is afraid of a little kitty cat,” said Weber.

“Yeah, afraid he’ll take a shit in the corner and stink the place up.”

The orderly laughed again and Cap turned to him and said, “Cats are sneaky. I’m a dog man.”

Weber picked Oscar up off the bed and hugged him. “Alright, Captain. You’re safe now. I caught him.” She left the room.

***

At the nurses’ station, Kimi Hermosa sat at the computer, entering the new patients’ stats into an excel form. Beside her, Nurse Handa turned a switch on the console, looking at the video of the security cameras placed around the ward.

Kimi saw Oscar the cat slowly walking down the dimly lit corridor. She resisted the impulse to make the sign of the cross because Handa might not understand. Where was he off to now, she wondered, what poor soul would he watch pass on?

“Did you hear about Hampton?” Handa asked her.

“Who?” Kimi said.

“Jamal Hampton, the big orderly that works days.”

“Oh, yeah. I know who you mean. What about him?”

“He got fired. They opened his locker and found some Oxycontin in the pockets of his whites hanging in there, and there were some of the personal effects of the patients in there too, like Mister Tanner’s little Buddha plaque, and Chin’s gold crucifix, and…”

Kimi shook her head. “That’s too bad. These drugs have so much power. Some people just can’t say no.”

“Yes,” said Handa, “I know. It’s very sad.”

***

In the night it walked slowly and unafraid through the dimly-lit corridor, then down the fire escape to the opened door. This one was ripe for plucking. Physically weakened by its many infirmities, but even more importantly, emotionally weakened by loss, it was an old life force and easily overpowered. It would not be as rich a feast as the younger ones suffering from accidents, but a meal just the same.

It jumped up onto the bed and moved slowly up to sit inches from the warm breath of its victim. As it started supping, the eyes of its victim opened wide. Its fear only served to make an ordinary repast much more satisfying.

***

Cap lay in bed watching the game. After the transfusion, he had rebounded, like Dracula after a good meal. He was able to walk again and in good shape physically, but all day he’d been troubled by an unsettling feeling. He longed vaguely for the vitality of his youth, when if he’d found himself so afflicted he would have run ten miles, showered, and then laughed at the world and all its imperfections. But now he could only distract himself with a book or the TV. He found himself thinking about Private Tanner and thought that somehow the disquiet had something to do with him.

Looking at this watch, he realized it was late, but no one would care, as he often visited his troops after visiting hours. As he padded down the corridor in his cardboard slippers, he wondered if they’d ever found Tanner’s Buddha. The little artifact was his talisman, and its loss had bothered Tanner a lot, despite his protestations to the contrary.

Cap didn’t see any nurses at the station as he got off the elevator. They were no doubt in someone’s room somewhere, administering a dose of something, checking someone’s vital signs. Cap warmed at the thought. Yeah, they were paid well, but they brought more humanity and warmth to the job then they were required to. He couldn’t imagine a world without them.

Tanner’s door was ajar. Cap went in. It was dark with only the glow of the clock radio’s LEDs to light up the room. The boom box CD player was on, the soul music gone, replaced by a staticky hiss. As Cap drew closer to the bed he noticed a bluish glow above the bed and a coldness in the room, as if it were winter and a window had been left open. He saw a head-sized shape on the bed right next to Tanner’s head. There was tension in the air and Tanner’s head twitched spastically. As Cap drew closer he saw the cat’s mouth pressed against Tanner’s, the paws on his temple, as if attempting to steady his head.

***

“Okay,” said Cap, “I’m calling you.”

Tanner and Cap sat in chairs facing Tanner’s bed which was doubling as a card table.

Tanner laid his cards down… three kings and a pair of queens. “The royal family… comes to the rescue.”

Cap smiled as he lay down his straight.

Tanner reached up a leathery black hand to caress his lucky Buddha where it stood guard on the dresser table. It had mysteriously reappeared on his dresser the night before.

Tanner chuckled deep in his throat as he pulled the chips across the bed to his pile.

Nurse Weber came in the room as the two men laughed. “Well, whatever you two are having, I could use some.”

“You can’t do that,” said Tanner, “not during working time.”

“I could use something now,” she said.

“What’s the matter?” said Cap.

Weber took Tanner’s wrist and watched the second hand on her watch as she took his pulse. “Didn’t you hear about Oscar?” she said.

Cap shook his head.

“No,” said Tanner.

“They found him dead on the fire escape. There was a battered bed pan next to him.” Weber released Tanner’s hand and wrote in his chart. She shook her head sadly. “How anybody could do that to a poor defenseless animal, I just don’t understand.”

“Yeah,” said Tanner sadly, “that’s too bad.”

Cap nodded. “Did you hear that PFC Tanner here will shortly be getting a visit from his son?”

Weber brightened. “Oh. I thought he was living on the other side of the state.”

“Not anymore,” said Tanner. “He got a job interview in town and he’s gonna come by and see me after that.”

“Well, that’s good news.”

Weber turned to Cap. “Now don’t you keep him out of bed too long. He still needs lots of bed rest.

“Yes, ma’am,” said Cap.

The End

The Thing in the Box

Danny’s hair began to tingle and stand on end and the TV screen glowed strangely when it was not even turned on. He looked up from where he was hiding under the lamp table and saw a big brown UPS van glide up to the house. It made a loud whine and then it died and the van settled down onto the asphalt. Dad had told him that the vans were maglevs and that they floated on magnetic waves.

Danny’s mom must have heard the van; she came quickly down the stairs. She opened the door and warm air poured into the house.

“Caldwell?” the UPS man said in a deep voice, “Josephine?”

Mom nodded. “Could you put it on the table, please?”

“Of course.” The man carried the box to the dining room table. He wore shorts and his legs were hairy.

Mom signed the slate and the man left. Outside the van began whining again. It rose a foot or so off the roadway and moved smoothly down the street.

Mom started opening the box. “Hank,” she called.

Dad came down the stairs.

“It’s here,” said Mom.

“Don’t open it yet,” said Dad, “Danny might see.”

Danny ducked back behind the couch.

“No,” said Mom. Danny heard her tearing tape from the box. “Maria said he’s in the yard.”

“Good,” said Dad.

Danny smiled. He had snuck past Maria while she was getting something out of the refrigerator. Danny liked to hide. Mom said it was a phase, whatever that meant. Dad said he was lonely, and that they should get him a brother. Danny was six and he just liked to hide, that was all. He smiled as he waited to see what the surprise was.

The box was the right size for a graviball. His own had gone over the fence and the neighbor’s dog had chewed it, breaking it.

Mom got the box open. She looked inside and shook her head, “Tsk, tsk. This is not what I ordered.” She turned to look out the front window. “Shit! He’s gone.”

“Huh?” said Dad.

“The UPS man.” Mom tsk tsk-ed again. “Put it in the basement, will you, Hank? I’ll call them from the office and have them pick it up tomorrow.”

Dad frowned as he looked out the window. “Can it sit around that long?”

“I don’t know,” said Mom. “That’s not my problem.”

“What’s the matter with it?” said Dad.

“What’s the matter? Take a look.”

Dad looked into the box and frowned. “The color is off.”

“God!” said Mom. “It’s completely wrong! I’m going to GeneMachine or Zyget.”

Dad shook his head. “Zenome is the best in the biz. They did a good job the last time.”

“I know,” said Mom, “but they blew it this time.”

“But,” said Dad, “going somewhere else will mean an office visit, another long interview, DNA samples …”

“I don’t care,” said Mom. “I’m not going to give the neighbors anything to talk about.”

Dad sighed. “That’s a lot of hassle. You sure you want to put us through that?”

“Alright,” said Mom. “I’ll give Zenome one more chance. But they better get it right this time.”

Dad looked into the box and shook his head. “Jeez, such a waste.” He started closing the box.

Mom looked at the clock on the wall. “Shit! I have to run, honey.”

“Okay.”

Mom walked to the door. “Don’t forget to put it where Danny won’t see it … or Maria.” As Mom looked around to make sure they were alone, Danny ducked down. “You know, Maria’s from down there … and a lot of them are still religious.”

Dad nodded and Mom went out. Dad again looked into the box. His face was sad. He sighed and finished closing the box, putting one flap over another. He picked it up and carried it down to the basement. He returned a few moments later empty handed.

Danny stayed where he was while Dad moved about in the next room. Dad’s cell beeped. “Yeah. Uh huh.”

Danny knew what that meant. Dad would have to go to work.

A moment later Dad said into his cell, “I’ll be there in half an hour.”

Dad went upstairs. Danny heard water running, footsteps going from room to room. The toilet flushed. More water ran. Then Dad came down the stairs. He called back to Maria in the kitchen and told her he was leaving and to tell Danny he’d be back for dinner. Maria said she would and Dad went out the front door.

Danny waited until the house grew quiet. He heard a clatter of plates in the kitchen and went to investigate. Maria came out of the walk-in closet with a big can of something.

“Oh, there you are! I told your momma you were in the yard. Are you hungry?”

Danny nodded.

“Good. I’ll call you soon. You play in your room, okay?”

Danny nodded. He went out and hurried to the basement door. He waited till the kitchen sounds told him that Maria was busy and then he opened the door and went down the stairs.

***

It wasn’t hard to find. Dad had put it up high on his workbench. Danny pulled a chair over so he could see better. He climbed up and looked at it.

The box had round holes in it and lots of words—NEXT DAY! DO NOT COVER AIR HOLES!

Danny folded the flaps back and looked inside. The face was doll-like. It had no clothes on, just a little white cloth over its pee pee. Danny stared at it and noticed its tummy rising and falling ever so slightly. Its arms and legs were tied to the back of the box by the same plastic straps that had secured the Planet X Robot that Dad had got him. The eyes were closed and a little gray plastic tube ran into its mouth. The bottom of the box bulged out where it had pushed down with its toes.

Mom was right. Its skin was brown, like Maria’s, and its face was different. It didn’t look like them at all.

Danny noticed that its tummy wasn’t moving anymore. He waited a few more moments and then pushed on its tummy. A bubble came out of its mouth. Nothing else happened and the bubble burst.

Bored, Danny closed the box and went upstairs to eat his lunch.

The End

Day, Or Two, Of The Dead

I heard the little click my radio alarm clock makes just before it goes off. “They’re baaacckkk,” the newscaster said cheerily as I flipped the covers off. “Some have already been spotted by early bird commuters…”

I got out of bed and turned on the shower. For the past week all the talking heads had been going on and on about how the ‘window’ was about to open, allowing them to ‘return’ for a twenty or thirty hour visit. The scientists said it was due to a periodic warp of the time/space continuum that allowed them to leave their dimension and visit ours, but only briefly until the planets or whatever shifted back.

I jumped into the shower. I could care less about things like the dead coming briefly back to life to visit with their families, old friends or lovers. My life was crap and had been for as long as I’d been paying attention. And a good deal of that had to do with one particular son of a bitch who was dead—and good riddance!

I left for work. As I drove the car, another breathless reporter talked about how these dead weren’t like the zombies depicted in old movies—mindless, flesh-craving automatons—but rather they were just regular people with emotions, memories and personalities, who just happened to be dead.

I put on some music. Before my parents had died in a plane crash on the other side of the world, when I was just a toddler, they’d left me in the care of an elderly aunt. When she’d gotten the tragic news, she quickly decided that she didn’t have the energy to raise a child and put me in Child Haven, that misnamed hell hole where I grew up.

Just before I turned into the company parking garage, I thought I saw one—a woman wearing a man’s hat and a veil of sorts made out of what looked like medical gauze, covering her face—limping down the sidewalk. According to the news reports many of them would wear surgical masks and some even Halloween masks, but the happy ones, Disney stuff, not the kind that would make them look like what they truly were—the dead, come back for a quick visit.

At the office, my supervisor, Mr. Backitt, was gone. My mood elevated. I was in the insurance biz, but I was really a writer, a serious one, not the best-selling kind that makes tons of money by banging out one book after another. Mine were very good; they just didn’t sell well.

When I returned home that evening, I got a message on my phone; one of my stories had been rejected! Disappointed, I opened the door to my apartment, I was shocked to see a dark figure sitting on my sofa-bed. It was Mr. Whelan. He’d been one of my teachers at school, basic science, and he’d doubled as the headmaster of the dormitory at Child Haven, where I’d grown up. He wore a ratty old trench coat and a pair of dirty running shoes. He’d died suddenly three years earlier. I’d hardly exchanged a dozen words with him the whole seventeen years I’d been at Child Haven. It had just been, “Yes, Sir, no, Sir,” except for that one incident—and that certainly hadn’t led to any long-lasting friendship. So what in the world was he doing here?

I was not happy to see him. I took my coat off. “How’d you get in?” I said.

“I just asked the desk clerk for the key. That’s one of the advantages of being… you know. The guy couldn’t give it to me fast enough.” Whelan chuckled at his little joke.

“Yeah, okay. But why are you here?” I said. “Don’t you have a family… Oh, that’s right.” I suddenly recalled that his wife had left him, taking their young son with her. That had been the story whispered around the orphanage to explain his arrogant and overbearing manner.

He had turned to answer and then looked away, but not before I saw the exposed muscles of his jaw quivering and his rotted teeth.

“It’s only gonna be for a day or two,” he said. “I don’t have anywhere else to go.”

I was really tired and had been planning on eating a light dinner and maybe working on my latest story for an hour before going to bed early. I had my weekly appointment with my therapist the day after tomorrow, after work. We were working on my issues, mainly my timidity and social ineptitude, a condition that John, my therapist, attributed to the things I’d learned in my childhood, mainly from one teacher. If you could call Whelan a teacher. I continued to look at him.

“What do you want me to do,” he said petulantly, “spend the whole time walking the streets like those other unfortunates?”

I felt a little guilty. After years of therapy I knew the feeling was inappropriate. But that was what he’d intended me to feel and he’d always been a clever manipulator. I approached it another way, saying, “Well, don’t you have any friends? A cousin or something?”

He looked at me and laughed derisively. “Yeah, right. Wait till you hit your sixties and seventies and we’ll see how full your social calendar is.” He laughed again. “Look, you don’t have to worry about it. You won’t even know I’m here.”

Easy for him to say. I could already smell him from across the room. One night, one long night—I could get through that. He would probably be gone by the time I returned from work tomorrow. But no more than that. And it was going to be a challenge. I lived in a studio apartment, so there was no shutting the door on him.

I made something to eat in the kitchenette as he sat sulking on the sofa-bed. I took out a draft of one of my stories to edit, but couldn’t get into it with him there. I’d spent the last six years of my life in therapy because of him, or what was left of him. John said that I’d learned to fear people and life. For the last couple of years I’d been learning to let go of that fear. It wasn’t easy, for I’d had a very compelling teacher. I tried to ignore him now as I hurriedly ate.

“You got anything good to read?” he said.

I put down the sandwich I was about to take a bite out of and went and got him an Archeology magazine and a glossy Word Search puzzle magazine. I went back and took a bite of my sandwich as he flipped through them.

“This is pretty dry stuff,” he said, “…digging up buttons and bits of bottles… Now, if they found some gold coins…”

I ignored him.

“You got a pencil?”

I got him a pencil.

After a few minutes of staring at one of the word search puzzles he said, “What kind of moron wastes their time on this shit?”

What a shot! And so typical of him. But, still stuck as I was in my old, learned routines, I didn’t say anything and let him get away with it.

“Can you turn on the TV or something?” he said. “You don’t have anything good to read here.”

I got to my feet and went over.

“I used to like to read the news mags,” he said, “but you don’t have any of them.”

I took the remote off the TV and pushed the power button. A street scene appeared with a reporter’s voice droning, “… throughout the city, residents have reported multiple sightings. In the old downtown area…”

I stood there watching, almost forgetting that he was sitting on the couch a few feet away.

“…in one touching encounter, a dead woman wandered into the new Stock Exchange Center and refused to leave…” The cameras showed traders crowding in front of giant screens, many with handkerchiefs held over their mouths and noses. “The woman claimed that she’d lived here once,” the on-site reporter said into a microphone, “and, indeed, when our research bureau looked into it, they discovered that this complex…” The reporter waved his hand around,“… had been the site of a little neighborhood that had been obliterated when a commercial jet crashed into it years ago.”

I glanced sideways at Whelan, the dim light of the TV illumina

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Here’s the set-up:

After a tragic car accident claims the lives of his wife, Jane, and son, Ryan, Marcus Taylor is immersed in grief. But his family isn’t the only thing he has lost. An addiction to painkillers has taken away his career as a paramedic. Working as a 911 operator is now the closest he gets to redemption–until he gets a call from a woman trapped in a car.

Rebecca Kingston yearns for a quiet weekend getaway, so she can think about her impending divorce from her abusive husband. When a mysterious truck runs her off the road, she is pinned behind the steering wheel, unable to help her two children in the back seat. Her only lifeline is a cell phone with a quickly depleting battery and a stranger’s calm voice on the other end telling her everything will be all right.

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an excerpt from

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by Cheryl Kaye Tardif

 

Copyright © 2014 by Cheryl Kaye Tardif and published here with her permission

                       Prologue

Near Cadomin, AB – Saturday, June 15, 2013 – 12:36 AM

You never grow accustomed to the stench of death. Marcus Taylor knew that smell intimately. He had inhaled burnt flesh, decayed flesh…diseased flesh. It lingered on him long after he was separated from the body.

The image of his wife and son’s gray faces and blue lips assaulted him.

Jane…Ryan.

Mercifully, there were no bodies tonight. The only scent he recognized now was wet prairie and the dank residue left over from a rainstorm and the river.

“So what happened, Marcus?”

The question came from Detective John Zur, a cop Marcus knew from the old days. Back before he traded in his steady income and respected career for something that had poisoned him physically and mentally.

“Come on,” Zur prodded. “Start talking. And tell me the truth.”

Marcus was an expert at hiding things. Always had been. But there was no way in hell he could hide why he was soaked to the skin and standing at the edge of a river in the middle of nowhere.

He squinted at the river, trying to discern where the car had sunk. He only saw faint ripples on the surface. “You can see what happened, John.”

“You left your desk. Not a very rational decision to make, considering your past.”

Marcus shook his head, the taste of river water still in his throat. “Just because I do something unexpected doesn’t mean I’m back to old habits.”

Zur studied him but said nothing.

“I had to do something, John. I had to try to save them.”

“That’s what EMS is for. You’re not a paramedic anymore.”

Marcus let his gaze drift to the river. “I know. But you guys were all over the place and someone had to look for them. They were running out of time.”

Overhead, lightning forked and thunder reverberated.

“Dammit, Marcus, you went rogue!” Zur said. “You know how dangerous that is. We could’ve had four bodies.”

Marcus scowled. “Instead of merely three, you mean?”

“You know how this works. We work in teams for a reason. We all need backup. Even you.”

“All the rescue teams were otherwise engaged. I didn’t have a choice.”

Zur sighed. “We go back a long way. I know you did what you thought was right. But it could’ve cost them all their lives. And it’ll probably cost you your job. Why would you risk that for a complete stranger?”

“She wasn’t a stranger.”

As soon as the words were out of his mouth, Marcus realized how true that statement seemed. He knew more about Rebecca Kingston than he did about any other woman. Besides Jane.

“You know her?” Zur asked, frowning.

“She told me things and I told her things. So, yeah, I know her.”

“I still do not get why you didn’t stay at the center and let us do our job.”

“She called me.” Marcus looked into his friend’s eyes. “Me. Not you.”

“I understand, but that’s your job. To listen and relay information.”

“You don’t understand a thing. Rebecca was terrified. For herself and her children. No one knew where they were for sure, and she was running out of time. If I didn’t at least try, what kind of person would I be, John?” He gritted his teeth. “I couldn’t live with that. Not again.”

Zur exhaled. “Sometimes we’re simply too late. It happens.”

“Well, I didn’t want it to happen this time.” Marcus thought of the vision he’d seen of Jane standing in the middle of the road. “I had a…hunch I was close. Then when Rebecca mentioned Colton had seen flying pigs, I remembered this place. Jane and I used to buy ribs and chops from the owner, before it closed down about seven years ago.”

“And that led you here to the farm.” Zur’s voice softened. “Good thing your hunch paid off. This time. Next time, you might not be so lucky.”

“There won’t be a next time, John.”

A smirk tugged at the corner of Zur’s mouth. “Uh-huh.”

“There won’t.”

Zur shrugged and headed for the ambulance.

Under a chaotic sky, Marcus stood at the edge of the river as tears cascaded from his eyes. The night’s events hit him hard, like a sucker punch to the gut. He was submerged in a wave of memories. The first call, Rebecca’s frantic voice, Colton crying in the background. He knew that kind of fear.  He’d felt it before. But last time, it was a different road, different woman, different child.

He shook his head. He couldn’t think of Jane right now. Or Ryan. He couldn’t reflect on all he’d lost. He needed to focus on what he’d found, what he’d discovered in a faceless voice that had comforted him and expressed that it was okay to let go.

He glanced at his watch. It was after midnight. 12:39, to be exact. He couldn’t believe how his life had changed in not much more than two days.

“Marcus!”

He turned…

                          Chapter One

Edson, AB – Thursday, June 13, 2013 – 10:55 AM

Sitting on the threadbare carpet in front of the living room fireplace, Marcus Taylor stroked a military issue Browning 9mm pistol against his leg, the thirteen-round magazine in his other hand. For an instant, he contemplated loading the gun―and then using it.

“But then who’d feed you?” he asked his companion.

Arizona, a five-year-old red Irish setter, gave him an inquisitive look, then curled up and went back to sleep on the couch. She was a rescue hound he’d picked up about a year after Ryan and Jane had died. The house had been too damned quiet. Lifeless.

“Great to know you have an opinion.”

Setting the gun and magazine down on the floor, Marcus propped a photo album against his legs and took a deep breath. The photo album of death. The album only saw daylight three times a year. The other three hundred and sixty-two days it was hidden in a steel foot locker that doubled as his coffee table.

Today was Paul’s forty-sixth birthday. Or it would have been, except Paul was dead.

Taking another measured breath, Marcus felt for the chain that marked a page and opened the album. “Hey, Bro.”

In the photo, Corporal Paul Taylor stood on the shoulder of a deserted street on the outskirts of a nondescript town in Afghanistan, a sniper rifle braced across his chest and the Browning in his hand. He’d been killed that same day, his limbs ripped apart by a roadside bomb. The IED had been buried in six inches of dust and dirt when Paul, distracted by a crying kid, had unwittingly stepped on it.

One stupid mistake could end in death, separating son from parents and brother from brother. Resentment could separate siblings too.

“I wish I could tell you how sorry I am,” Marcus said, blinking back a tear. “We wasted so much time being pissed at each other.”

As a young kid, he’d hidden his older brother’s toy soldiers so he could play with them when Paul was at school. In high school, Marcus had hidden how smart he was, always downplaying his intelligence in favor of being the cool, younger brother of senior hockey legend Paul Taylor. Marcus had learned to hide his jealousy too.

Until his brother was killed.

He stared at the warped dog tag at the end of the chain. It was all that was left of his brother. There was nothing to be jealous of now.

He glanced at the gun. Okay, he had that too. He’d inherited the Browning from Paul. One of his brother’s war buddies had personally delivered it. “Your brother said you can play with his toys now,” the guy had said.

Paul always had a warped sense of humor.

“Happy birthday, Paul.”

He knew his parents, who were currently cruising in the Mediterranean, would be raising a toast in Paul’s honor, so he did the same. “I miss you, bro.”

Then he dropped the tag and flipped to the next set of photos in the album. A brunette with short, choppy hair and luminous green eyes smiled back at him.

Jane.

“Hello, Elf.”

He traced her face, recalling the way her mouth tilted upward on the left and how she’d watch a chick flick tearjerker, while tears steamed unnoticed down her face.

Marcus turned to the next set of photos and sucked in a breath. A handsome boy beamed a brilliant smile and waved back at him.

“Hey, little buddy.”

He recalled the day the photo had been taken. His son, Ryan, a rookie goalie on his junior high hockey team, had shut out his opponents, giving his team a three-goal lead. Jane had snapped the picture at the exact second when Ryan had found his father in the crowd.

“I love you.” Marcus’s voice cracked. “And I miss you so much.”

He couldn’t hide that. Not ever.

There was one other thing he couldn’t hide.

He had killed Jane. And Ryan.

For the past six years, whenever Marcus slept, his dead wife and son came to visit, taunting him with their spectral images, teasing him with familiar phrases, twisting his mind and gut into a guilt-infested cesspool. The only way to escape their accusing glares and spiteful smiles was to wake up. Or not go to sleep. Sleep was the enemy. He did his best to avoid it.

Marcus glanced at the antique clock on the mantle. 11:06.

Another twenty-four minutes and he’d have to head to the Yellowhead County Emergency Center, where he worked as a 911 dispatcher. He’d been working there for almost six months. He was halfway through five twelve-hour shifts that ran from noon to midnight. He worked them with his best friend, Leo, who would undoubtedly be in a good mood again. Leo liked sleeping in and starting his day at noon, while Marcus preferred the midnight-to-noon shift, the one everyone else hated. It gave him something to do at night, since sleeping didn’t come easily.

He closed the photo album, stood slowly and stretched his cramped muscles. As he placed the album and the gun and magazine back in the foot locker, a small cedar box with a medical insignia embossed on the top caught his eye, though he did his best to ignore it.

Even Arizona knew that box was trouble. She froze at the sight of it, her hackles raised.

“I know,” Marcus said. “I can resist temptation.”

That box had gotten him into trouble on more than one occasion. It represented a past he’d give anything to erase. But he couldn’t toss it in the trash. It had too firm a grip on him. Even now it called to him.

“Marcus…”

“No!”

He slammed the foot locker lid with his fist. The sound reverberated across the room, clanging like a jail cell door, trapping him in his own private prison.

Behind him, Arizona whimpered.

“Sorry, girl.”

One day he’d get rid of the box with the insignia and be done with it once and for all.

But not yet.

Shaking off a bout of guilt, he took the stairs two at a time to the second floor and entered the master bedroom of the two-bedroom rented duplex. It was devoid of all things feminine, stripped down to the barest essentials. A bed, nightstand and tall dresser. Metal blinds, no flowered curtains like the ones in the house in Edmonton that he’d bought with Jane. The bedspread was a mishmash of brown tones, and it had been hauled up over the single pillow. There were none of the decorative pillows that Jane had loved so much. No silk flowers on the dresser. No citrus Febreeze lingering in the air. No sign of Jane.

He’d hidden her too.

Stepping into the en suite bathroom, Marcus stared into the mirror. He took in the untrimmed moustache and beard that was threatening to engulf his face. Leaning closer, he examined his eyes, which were more gray than blue. He turned his face to catch the light. “I am not tired.”

The dark circles under his eyes betrayed him.

Ignoring Arizona’s watchful gaze, he opened the medicine cabinet and grabbed the tube of Preparation H, a trick he’d learned from his wife Jane. Before he’d killed her. A little dab under the eyes, no smiling or frowning, and within seconds the crevices in his skin softened. Some of Jane’s “White Out”—as she used to call the tube of cosmetic concealer—and the shadows would disappear.

“Camouflage on,” he said to his reflection.

A memory of Jane surfaced.

It was the night of the BioWare awards banquet, nineteen years ago. Jane, dressed in a pink housecoat, sat at the bathroom vanity curling her hair, while Marcus struggled with his tie.

He’d let out a curse. “I can never get this right.”

“Here, let me.” Pushing the chair behind him, Jane climbed up before he could protest. She caught his gaze in the mirror over the sink and reached around his shoulders, her gaze wandering to the twisted lump he’d made of the full Windsor. “You shouldn’t be so impatient.”

“You shouldn’t be climbing up on chairs.”

“I’m fine, Marcus.”

“You’re pregnant, that’s what you are.”

“You calling me fat, buster?”

Five months pregnant with Ryan, Jane had never looked so beautiful.

“I’d never do that,” he replied.

She cocked her head and arched one brow. “Never? How about in four months when I can’t walk up the stairs to the bedroom?”

“I’ll carry you.”

“What about when I can’t see my toes and can’t paint my toenails?”

“I’ll paint them for you.”

“What about when―”

He turned his head and kissed her. That shut her up.

With a laugh, she pushed him away, gave the tie a smooth tug and slid the knot expertly into place.

He groaned. “Now why can’t I do that?”

“Because you have me. Now quit distracting me. I still have to put on my dress and makeup.”

Marcus sat on the edge of the bed and waited. Jane always made it worth the wait, and that night she didn’t disappoint him. When she emerged from the bathroom, she was a vision of sultry goddess in a designer dress from a shop in West Edmonton Mall. The baby bump in front was barely noticeable.

“How do I look?” she asked, nervously fingering the fresh gold highlights in her hair.

“Sexy as hell.”

She spun in a slow circle to show off the sleek black dress with its plunging back. Peering over one glitter-powdered shoulder, she said, “So you like my new dress?”

“I’d like it better,” he said in a soft voice, “if it was on the floor.”

Minutes later, they were entwined in the sheets, out of breath and laughing like teenagers. Sex with Jane was always like that. Exciting. Youthful. Fun.

After dressing, Jane retreated to the bathroom to fix her hair and makeup. “Camouflage on,” she said when she returned. “Now let’s get going.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

He heard her whispering, “Six plus eight plus two…”

“Are you doing that numerology thing again?” he asked with a grin.

Jane had gone to a psychic fair when she’d found out she was pregnant, and a numerologist had given her a lesson in adding dates. Ever since then, whenever something important came up, she’d work out the numbers to determine if it was going to be a good day or not. She even made Marcus buy lotto tickets on “three days,” which she said meant money coming in. They hadn’t won a lottery yet, but he played along anyway.

“What is it today?”

She smiled. “A seven.”

“Ah, lucky seven.” He arched a brow at her. “So I’m going to get lucky?”

“I think you already did, mister.”

They’d been late for the awards banquet, which didn’t go over too well since Jane was the guest of honor, the recipient of a Best Programmer award for her latest video game creation at BioWare. When Jane had stepped up on the stage to receive her award, Marcus didn’t think he could ever be prouder. Until the night Ryan was born.

Ryan…the son I killed.

Marcus gave his head a jerk, forcing the memories back into the shadows―where they belonged. He picked up the can of shaving cream. His eyes rested, unfocused, on the label.

To shave or not to shave. That was the question.

“Nah, not today,” he muttered.

He hadn’t shaved in weeks. He was also overdue for a haircut. Thankfully, they weren’t too strict about appearances at work, though his supervisor would probably harp on it again.

The alarm on his watch beeped.

He had twenty minutes to get to the center. Then he’d get back to hiding behind the anonymity of being a faceless voice on the phone.

Yellowhead County Emergency Services in Edson, Alberta, housed a small but competent 911 call center situated on the second floor of a spacious building on 1st Avenue. Four rooms on the floor were rented out to emergency groups, like First Aid, CPR and EMS, for training facilities. The 911 center had a full-time staff of four emergency operators and two supervisors—one for the day shift, one for the night. They also had a handful of highly trained but underpaid casual staff and three regular volunteers.

When Marcus entered the building, Leonardo Lombardo was waiting for him by the elevator. And Leo didn’t look too thrilled to see him.

“You look like your dog just died,” Marcus said.

“Don’t got a dog.”

“So what’s with the warm and cheerful welcome? Did the mob put a hit out on me?”

Leo, a man of average height in his late forties, carried about thirty extra pounds around his middle, and his swarthy Italian looks gave him an air of mystery and danger. Around town, rumormongers had spread stories that Leo was an American expatriate with mob ties. But Marcus knew exactly who had started those rumors. Leo had a depraved sense of humor.

But his friend wasn’t smiling now.

“You really gotta get some sleep.”

Stepping into the elevator, Marcus shrugged. “Sleep’s overrated.”

“You look like hell.”

“Thanks.”

“You’re welcome.” Leo pushed the second floor button and took a hesitant breath. “Listen, man…”

Whenever Leo started a sentence with those two words, Marcus knew it wouldn’t be good.

“You’re not on your game,” Leo said. “You’re starting to slip up.”

“What do you mean? I do my job.”

“You filed that multiple-car accident report from last night in the wrong place. Shipley’s spent half the morning looking for it. I tried covering for you, but he’s pretty pissed.”

“Shipley’s always pissed.”

Pete Shipley made it a ritual to make Marcus’s life hell whenever possible, which was more often than not. As the day shift supervisor, Shipley ruled the emergency operators with an iron fist and enough arrogance to get on anyone’s nerves.

The elevator door opened and Marcus stepped out first.

“I’ll find the report, Leo.”

“How many hours you get, Marcus?”

Sleep?

“Four.” It was a lie and both of them knew it.

Marcus started toward the cubicle with the screen that divided his desk from Leo’s. Behind them was the station for the other full-timers. He waved to Parminder and Wyatt as they left for home. They worked the night shift, so he only saw them in passing. Their stations were now manned by casual day workers. Backup.

“Get some sleep,” Leo muttered.

“Sleep is a funny thing, Leo. Not funny ha-ha, but funny strange. Once a body’s gone awhile without it or with an occasional light nap, sleep doesn’t seem that important. I’m fine.”

“Bullshit.”

They were interrupted by a door slamming down the hall.

Pete Shipley appeared, overpowering the hallway with angry energy and his massive frame. The guy towered over everyone, including Marcus, who was an easy six feet tall. Shipley, a former army captain, was built like the Titanic, which had become his office nickname. Unbeknown to him.

“Taylor!” Shipley shouted. “In my office now!”

Leo grabbed Marcus’s arm. “Tell him you slept six hours.”

“You’re suggesting I lie to the boss?”

“Just cover your ass. And for God’s sake, don’t egg him on.”

Marcus smiled. “Now why would I do that?”

Leo gaped at him. “Because you thrive on chaos.”

“Even in chaos there is order.”

Letting out a snort, Leo said, “You been reading too many self-help books. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.” He turned on one heel and headed for his desk.

Marcus stared after him. Don’t worry, Leo. I can handle Pete Shipley.

Pausing in front of Shipley’s door, he took a breath, knocked once and entered. His supervisor was seated behind a metal desk, his thick-lensed glasses perched on the tip of a bulbous nose as he scrutinized a mound of paperwork. Even though the man had ordered the meeting, Shipley did nothing to indicate he acknowledged Marcus’s existence.

That was fine with Marcus. It gave him time to study the office, with its cramped windowless space and dank recycled air. It wasn’t an office to envy, that’s for sure. No one wanted it, or the position and responsibility that came with it. Not even Shipley. Word had it he was positioning himself for emergency coordinator, in hopes of moving up to one of the corner offices with the floor-to-ceiling windows. Marcus doubted it would ever happen. Shipley wasn’t solid management material.

Marcus stood with his hands resting lightly on the back of the armless faux-leather chair Shipley reserved for the lucky few he deemed important enough to sit in his presence. Marcus wasn’t one of the lucky ones.

Bracing for an ugly reprimand, his thoughts drifted to last night’s shift. A drunk driver had T-boned a car at a busy intersection in Hinton, resulting in a four-car pileup. One vehicle, a mini-van with an older couple and two young boys, had been sandwiched between two vehicles from the impact of the crash. The pileup had spawned numerous frantic calls to the emergency center. Emergency Medical Services (EMS), including fire and ambulance, arrived on scene within six minutes. The Jaws of Life had been used to wrench apart the contorted metal of two of the vehicles. Only three people extracted had made it out alive. One reached the hospital DOA. Then rescue workers discovered a sedan with three teenagers inside—all dead.

They’ll have nightmares for weeks.

Marcus knew how that felt. He’d once been a first responder. In another life.

He straightened. He was ready to take on Shipley’s wrath. At least this time it would be done privately. Plus, if he was honest, he had messed up. Misfiling the report was one of a handful of stupid mistakes he’d made in the last week. Most he’d caught on his own and rectified.

“Before you say anything,” Marcus began, “I know I―”

“What?” Shipley snapped. “You know you’re an idiot?”

“No. That’s news to me.”

Pete Shipley rose slowly―all two hundred and eighty pounds, six feet eleven inches of him. Bracing beefy fists against the desk, he leaned forward. “I spent three hours searching for that accident report, Taylor. Three hours! And guess where I found it?” A nanosecond pause. “Filed with the missing persons call logs. Whatcha think of that?”

“I think it’s ironic that I filed a missing report in the missing persons section.”

“Shut it!” Shipley glared, his thick brows furrowed into a uni-brow. “Lombardo says you’ve been sleeping better, but I don’t believe him. Whatcha got to say about that?”

“Leo’s right. I slept like a baby last night.”

Shipley elevated a brow. “For a baby, you look like shit. You need a haircut. And a shave.” He wrinkled his nose. “Have you even showered this week?”

“I shower every day. Not that it’s any of your business. As for the length of my hair and beard, sounds like you’re crossing discrimination boundaries.”

“I’m not discriminating against you. I simply do not like you. You’re a goddamn drug addict, Taylor.”

Everyone in the center knew about Marcus’s past.

“Thanks for clarifying that, Peter.”

Shipley cringed. “All it’ll take is one more mistake. Everyone’s watching you. You mess up again and you’re out on your ass.” His shoulders relaxed and he folded back into the chair. “If it were up to me, I would’ve fired you months ago.”

“Good thing it isn’t up to you then.”

Marcus knew he was pushing the man’s buttons, but that wasn’t hard to do. Shipley was an idiot. A brown-noser who didn’t know his ass from his dick, according to Leo.

“This is your final warning,” Shipley said between his teeth. “We hold life and death in our hands. We can’t afford errors.”

“It was a misfiled report. The call was dispatched correctly and efficiently.”

“Yeah, at least you didn’t send the ambulance in the wrong direction.” A smug smile crossed Shipley’s face. “That was the stunt that got you knocked off your high horse as a paramedic. Got you fired from EMS.”

Marcus thought of a million ways to answer him. None of them were polite. He moved toward the door. “I think our little meeting is done.”

“I’m not finished,” Shipley bellowed.

“Yes you are, Pete.”

With that, Marcus strode from the office. He left Shipley’s door ajar, something he knew would tick off his supervisor even more than his insubordination.

He tried not to dwell on Shipley’s words, but the man had hit a nerve. Six years ago, Marcus had been publicly humiliated when the truth had come out about his addiction problem, and his future as a paramedic was sliced clean off the minute he drove that ambulance to the wrong side of town because he was too high to comprehend where he was going.

That’s when he’d taken some time off. From work…from Jane…from everyone. He’d headed to Cadomin to clear his mind and do some fishing. At least that’s what he’d told Jane. Meanwhile, he’d secretly packed his drug stash in the wooden box. Six days later, while in a morphine haze filled with strange images of ghostly children, he answered his cell phone. In a subdued voice, Detective John Zur revealed that Jane and Ryan had been in a car accident, not far from where Marcus was holing up.

That had been the beginning of the end for Marcus.

Now he was doing what he could to get by. It wasn’t that he couldn’t handle the career change from superstar paramedic to invisible 911 dispatcher. That wasn’t the problem. Shipley was. The guy had been gunning for him ever since Leo had brought Marcus in to fill a vacant spot left behind by a dispatcher who’d quit after a nervous breakdown.

“What did Titanic have to say?” Leo asked when Marcus veered around the cubicle.

“He doesn’t want to go down with the ship.”

“He thinks you’re the iceberg?”

Marcus gave a single nod.

“I got your back.”

Leo had connections at work. He knew the center coordinator, Nate Downey, very well. He was married to Nate’s daughter, Valerie.

“I know, Leo.”

As he settled into his desk and slipped on the headset, Marcus took a deep breath and released it evenly. The mind tricks between him and Shipley had become too frequent. They wreaked havoc on his brain and drained him.

Because Shipley never lets me forget.

The clock on the computer read: 12:20. It was going to be a very long day.

In the sleepy town of Edson, it was rare to see much excitement. The center catered to outside towns as well. Some days the phones only rang a half-dozen times. Those were the good days.

He flipped through the folders on his desk and found the protocol chart. Never hurt to do a quick refresher before his shift. It kept his mind fresh and focused.

But his thoughts meandered to the misfiled report.

Was he slipping? Was he putting people’s lives in danger? That was something he’d promised himself, and Leo, he’d never do again.

Remember Jane and Ryan.

How could he ever forget them? They’d been his life.

The phone rang and he jumped.

“911. Do you need Fire, Police or Ambulance?”

Marcus spent the next ten minutes explaining to eighty-nine-year-old Mrs. Mortimer, a frequent caller, that no one was available to rescue her cat from the neighbor’s tree.

Then he waited for a real emergency.

                         Chapter Two
Edmonton, AB – Thursday, June 13, 2013 – 4:37 PM

Rebecca Kingston folded her arms across her down-filled jacket and tried not to shiver. Though May had ended with a heat wave, the temperatures had dropped the first week of June. It had rained for the first five days, and an arctic chill had swept through the city. The weatherman blamed the erratic change in weather on global warming and a cold front sweeping down from Alaska, while locals held one source responsible. Their lifelong rival—Calgary.

“Can we get an ice cream, Mommy?” four-year-old Ella said with a faint lips, the result of her recent contribution to the tooth fairy’s necklace collection.

Rebecca laughed. “It feels like winter again and you want ice cream?”

“Yes, please.”

“I guess we have time.”

They hurried across the street to the corner store.

“Strawberry this time,” Ella said, her blue eyes pleading.

Rebecca sighed. “Eat it slowly. Did you remember Puff?”

Her daughter nodded. “In my pocket.”

“Good girl.” Rebecca glanced at her watch. “It’s almost five. Let’s go.”

Her cell phone rang. It was Carter Billingsley, her lawyer.

“Mr. Billingsley,” she said. “I’m glad you got my message.”

“So you’ve decided to get away,” he said. “That’s a very good idea.”

“I need a break.” She glanced at Ella. “Things are going to get ugly, aren’t they?”

“Unfortunately, yes. Divorce is never pretty. But you’ll get through it.”

“Thanks, Mr. Billingsley.”

“Take care, Rebecca.”

Carter had once been her grandfather’s lawyer and Grandpa Bob had highly recommended him—if Rebecca ever needed someone to handle her divorce. In his late sixties, Carter filled that father-figure left void after her father’s passing.

Her thoughts raced to her twelve-year-old son. Colton’s team was up against one of the toughest junior high hockey teams from Regina. With Colton as the Edmonton team’s goalie, most of the pressure was on him. He was a brave boy.

She bit her bottom lip, wishing she were as brave.

You’re a coward, Becca.

“You’re too codependent,” her mother always said.

Rebecca figured that wasn’t actually her fault. She’d been fortunate to have strong male role models in her life. Men who ran companies with iron fists and made decisions after careful consideration. Or at least worked hard to provide for their families. Men like Grandpa Bob and her father. Men who could be trusted to make the right decisions.

Not like Wesley.

Even her grandfather hadn’t liked him. When Grandpa Bob passed away two years ago, he’d sent a clear message to everyone that Wesley couldn’t be trusted. Grandpa Bob had lived a miser’s lifestyle. No one knew how much money he’d saved for that “rainy day”—until he was gone and Colton and Ella became beneficiaries of over eight hundred thousand dollars from the sale of Grandpa Bob’s house and business.

Grandpa Bob, in his infinite wisdom, had added two major conditions to the inheritance. Money could only be withdrawn from the account if it was spent on Ella or Colton. And Rebecca was the sole person with signing power.

Wesley moped around the house for days when he heard the conditions. Any time she bought the kids new clothes, he’d sneer at her and say, “Hope you used your grandfather’s money for those.”

Once when he’d gambled most of his paycheck, he begged her for a “loan,” and when she’d voiced that she didn’t have the money, he slapped her. “Lying bitch! You’ve got almost a million dollars at your fingertips. All I’m asking for is thirty-five hundred. I’ll pay it back.”

She’d refused and paid the price, physically.

Rebecca wanted him out of her life. Once and for all. But for the sake of the children, she had to find a way to forgive Wesley and deal with the fact that he was her children’s father. He’d always be in their lives.

Every time she looked at Colton, she was reminded of Wesley. Unlike Ella’s blonde hair and blue eyes that closely resembled her own, both father and son had dark brown hair, hazel eyes, a light spray of freckles across their noses and matching chin dimples.

She’d met Wesley at a company Christmas party shortly after she started working as a customer service representative at Alberta Cable. The son of upper-class parents, Wesley had created his independence by not joining the family law firm, as was expected. Instead, he went to work at Alberta Cable as a cable installer. At the party, he’d been assigned to the same table as Rebecca. As soon as Wesley realized she was single, he poured on the charm. He was a master at that.

The next morning she’d found Wesley in her bed.

After nearly four years of dating, he finally popped the question. Via a text message, of all things. She was at work when her cell phone sprang to life, vibrating against her desk. When she glanced down, she saw seven words.

“Rebecca Kingston, will U marry me?”

She’d immediately let out a startled shriek. “Wesley just proposed.”

This sent the entire room into a chaotic buzz of applause and congratulatory wishes. The rest of Rebecca’s shift was a blur.

“Is Daddy gonna be at the game?” Ella said, interrupting her memories.

“No, honey. He’s at work.”

At least that’s where Rebecca hoped he was.

Wesley had left Alberta Cable six months ago, escorted from the building after being fired for screaming at a customer in her own home and shoving the woman into a wall. It hadn’t been the first complaint lodged against him. He’d been employed off and on since then, but no one wanted an employee with anger management issues.

When Rebecca had asked what had happened, he mumbled something about an accident, arguing that it wasn’t his fault. “No matter what that ass of a supervisor says,” he said.

She’d given him a look that said she didn’t believe him. She paid for that look. The black eye he gave her kept her in the house for nearly a week. That’s when she filed for separation.

Since leaving Alberta, Wesley had wandered from one dead-end job to another. For the past two months he’d hardly worked at all. She hoped to God he wasn’t sitting at his apartment, surfing the porn highway.

Last time she saw him, Wesley had blamed his unemployment situation on the recession, which had, in all fairness, wreaked havoc with many people’s lives and crushed some of the toughest companies. But the economy, or lack of a strong one, wasn’t Wesley’s problem. The problem was his lack of motivation and the inability to handle his jealousy and rage.

Perhaps Wesley was experiencing a midlife crisis.

Maybe she was too.

It was getting more and more difficult to keep it together. But she did it for her children. Besides, she’d endured worse than uncertainty when she lived with Wesley. Much worse.

Rebecca glanced down at her daughter. Ella was a petite child who’d been born two months premature. Wesley had seen to that.

She shook her head. No. What happened back then was as much my fault as his. I stayed when I should’ve left.

“Hurry, Mommy!” Ella said, tugging on her hand.

The hockey arena was a five-minute walk from where she’d parked the Chevy Impala, but with the ice cream pit stop, Rebecca was glad they’d left early.

“Ella, do you think Colton’s team will win today?”

Her daughter rolled her eyes. “Of course. Colton is awesome!”

“Awesome,” Rebecca agreed.

Tamarack Hockey Arena came into view, along with the crowds of hockey fans who gathered outside the doors to the indoor rink.

Rebecca took Ella’s hand and drew her in close.

In Edmonton, hockey fans bordered on hockey fanatics. It wouldn’t be the first time that a fight broke out between fathers of opposing teams. Last year, a toddler had been trampled in a north Edmonton arena. Thankfully, he’d survived.

“Stay close, Ella.”

“Do you see Colton?”

“Not yet.”

“Becca!”

Turning in the direction of the voice, she scoured the bleachers. Then she spotted Wesley near the home team’s side. He wasn’t supposed to be there. The terms of their separation were that he could see the kids during scheduled visitations. Once the divorce was final, those visits would be restricted to visits accompanied by a social worker―if Carter Billingsley, her lawyer, came through for her. She hadn’t given Wesley this news yet.

“I saved you some seats,” Wesley hollered. The look he gave her suggested she shouldn’t make a public scene. Or else.

Rebecca released a reluctant sigh. Great. Just great.

“Are we gonna sit with Daddy?” Ella asked.

“Yes, honey. Unless you want to sit somewhere else.” Anywhere else.

Despite Rebecca’s silent plea, Ella headed in Wesley’s direction, pushing past the knees that blocked the aisle. Rebecca sat beside Ella and tried to tamp down the guilt she felt at placing their daughter between them.

“There’s a seat beside me,” Wesley said.

Her gaze flew to the empty seat on his right and she winced. “I’m good here. Thanks for saving the seats.”

Looking as handsome as the day she’d married him, Wesley smiled. “You look lovely. New hairstyle?”

She touched her shoulder-length hair. “I need a trim.”

“Looks good. But then you always do.”

She stared at him. He was laying on the charm a bit thick. That usually meant he wanted something.

Wesley chucked Ella under the chin. “So, Ella-Bella, how’s kindergarten?”

“We went on a field trip to the zoo yesterday.”

“See any monkeys?” he asked, his arm resting over the back of Ella’s chair.

“Yeah. They were so cute.”

“But not as cute as you, right?” He caught Rebecca’s eye and winked. “You’re the cutest girl here. Even though you have no teeth.”

“Do too!” Ella opened her mouth to show him.

After a few minutes of listening to their teasing banter, Rebecca tuned out their laughter. Sadness washed over her, followed by regret. If things had gone differently, they’d still be a family, and the kids would have their father in their lives. But Rebecca couldn’t stay in an abusive relationship. Her mind and body couldn’t endure any more trauma. And she was terrified he’d start lashing out physically at the kids.

So she’d made a decision, and one sunny Friday afternoon, she’d summoned up the courage to confront Wesley at his current job de jour.

“We need to talk,” she’d told him.

“This isn’t a good time.”

“It’s never a good time.” She took a deep breath. “I want you to move out of the house, Wesley.”

He laughed. “Good joke. What’s the punch line?”

“I’m not joking.”

His smile disappeared. “You’re serious?”

“Dead serious. It’s not like you couldn’t see this coming. I want a separation. You know I’ve been…unhappy in our marriage.”

“I’ll try to make more time for you.”

“It’s not more time that I want, Wesley. Neither of us can live like this. Your anger is out of control. You’re out of control.”

“So this is all my fault?” Wesley sneered.

“You nearly put me in the hospital last week.”

“Maybe that’s where you belong.”

She clenched her teeth. “Your threats won’t work this time. I’ve made up my mind. I’m leaving tonight, and I’m taking the kids with me.”

There was an uncomfortable pause.

“Seems to me you’re only thinking about yourself, what you want. Have you even thought about what this’ll do to the kids?”

“Of course I have,” she snapped. “They’re all I think about. Can you say the same?”

“You’re going to turn them against me. Like your mother did to you and your father.” His voice dripped with disgust.

“Don’t bring my parents into this. This has nothing to do with them and everything to do with the fact that you have an anger problem and you refuse to get help.”

“What’ll you tell the kids?”

She shrugged. “Ella won’t understand. She’s too young. Colton’s getting too old for me to keep making excuses for you. He’s almost a teenager.”

Wesley didn’t answer.

“You know what he said to me last night, Wesley? He said you love being angry more than you love being with us. He’s right, isn’t he?”

She stormed out of his office without waiting for a reply. She already knew the answer.

That evening, Wesley packed two suitcases.

“I’ll be staying at The Fairmont McDonald. I still love you, Becca.”

His actions had stunned her. She’d been prepared to take the kids to Kelly’s. She was even ready for Wesley to try to hurt her. What she hadn’t expected was his easy submission. Or that for once he’d take the high road.

“You’re leaving?” she said, shocked.

“That’s what you wanted,” he said with a shrug. “So that’s what you get.”

For a second, she wanted to tell him she’d made a mistake. That she didn’t want a separation. That she’d be a better wife, learn to be more patient, learn to deal with his rages.

Then she remembered the bruises and sprains. “Good-bye, Wesley.”

“For now.”

She’d watched him climb into his car and waited until the taillights winked, then disappeared. Then she let out a long, uneasy breath and headed down the hallway. She wandered through their bedroom and into the en suite bathroom, all the while trying to think of the good times. There weren’t many.

She stared at her reflection in the mirror, one finger tracing the small scar along her chin. Wesley had given her that present on Valentine’s Day two years earlier. He’d accused her of flirting with the UPS delivery guy.

“You deserve better,” she said to her reflection. “So do the kids.”

Now, sitting two seats away from Wesley at the arena, Rebecca realized that her husband was still doing everything in his power to control her.

“Penny for your thoughts,” he said.

“You’re wasting your money.”

“What money? You get most of it.”

“That’s for the kids, Wesley, and you know it.”

She dug her fingernails into her palms. Don’t fight with him. Not here. Not in front of Ella.

She caught his eye. “Next time Colton has a game, I’d appreciate it if you didn’t bother showing up.”

“Wouldn’t miss it for the world.” He gave her an icy smile. “That’s my son down there.”

“What part of  ‘scheduled visits’ don’t you―”

Cheers erupted from the stands as both hockey teams skated out onto the ice and joined their goalies. Everyone stood for the national anthem, then a horn blasted.

Rebecca released a heart-heavy sigh.

The game was on.

After the game, the arena parking lot was a potpourri of car exhaust and refinery emissions, and a breeding ground for irritation. Everyone wanted to be first out. Especially the losing team.

Rebecca was glad she’d parked her Hyundai Accent down the street.

“Mommy, are we going home now?” Ella asked.

“Yes, honey. It’s almost supper time.”

“Is Daddy coming home too?”

“No, honey. Daddy’s going to his own house.”

As they made their way through the parking lot, Rebecca was sure Wesley would veer off toward his van, but he stayed at her side. Doing her best to ignore him, she reached for Ella’s hand as they crossed the street. Behind them, Colton lugged his hockey bag and stick.

When they reached the sedan, Rebecca unlocked the doors, sank into the driver’s seat and started the engine, while the kids said good-bye to their dad. Stepping out, she moved to the back door and wrenched on it, gritting her teeth as it squealed. Colton climbed in back. Ella looked up at her with a hopeful expression.

“Back seat,” Rebecca said.

Ella obediently climbed in beside her brother, and Colton helped her with the seat belt for her booster seat.

Rebecca shut the door using her hip. Catching Wesley’s eye she said, “You always said we should use the sticky door, that if we did it might not stick so much. Hasn’t worked.”

Wesley studied the exterior of the car. “Can’t believe you haven’t bought a new car.”

The Hyundai had seen better days—and today wasn’t one of them. They’d bought the used car back in 2003, when they’d gone from a two-door Supra—Wesley’s toy—to a four-door vehicle that wasn’t so “squishy,” as the kids had called the Supra. The red paint was now worn in places, the hinges of the trunk groaned when lifted and the back door on the passenger side stuck all the time, making it impossible for either of the kids to open. The latter was a result of an accident. Wesley had been sideswiped by a reckless teen texting on her cell phone. Or at least that’s the story he’d given her.

“This works fine,” she said. “I don’t need a new one.” And I can’t afford one.

Colton cracked the door open and poked his head out. “Dad said he’s getting me a cell phone for my birthday next month. One that does text messaging.”

Rebecca shut the car door and turned icy eyes in Wesley’s direction. “You what?”

“Before you say anything, hear me out. Colton’s old enough to be responsible for a phone. Besides, I’m taking care of it, bills and all. When he’s old enough to get a job, he’ll take over paying for it.”

“I told you a while ago that I do not agree with kids walking around glued to a cell phone. It’s ridiculous.” She walked around to the driver’s side.

“What if there’s an emergency and Colton needs to call one of us?” he asked, following her.

“Then he uses a phone nearby or has an adult call us. It’s not like he’s driving any―”

“Rebecca, this is my decision. As his father.”

“Well, I’m his mother, and I say no cell phone.”

She scowled at him, mentally cursing herself for falling into old habits―childish habits. Truth was, she’d been thinking of the whole cell phone argument ever since Wesley had first brought it up. But her pride wouldn’t let her back down. Not now.

“I think you’re being a little unfair,” Wesley said.

“Unfair? You really want to go there?”

She turned when she heard the whir of the power window.

“Did you tell her, Dad?” Colton asked.

“Hey, buddy, give me a second―”

Rebecca frowned. “Did you already tell him he’s getting a cell phone?”

“Let’s table the phone idea for another time.”

“Fine.”

Wesley shuffled his feet. “Becca, I have a favor to ask.”

She held her breath. Here it is.

“I want Colton to stay with me in July.”

From inside the car, Colton nodded. “Say yes, Mom.”

She was livid. Motioning for Colton to roll up the window, she turned to Wesley. “What are you doing? This is something you should’ve discussed with me first.”

“I am discussing it with you.”

“You should’ve called me, not mentioned this right in front of him.” She tried to ignore Colton, who had his grinning face pressed up against the window. “Why didn’t you call me so we could discuss this?”

“I tried calling. I left you two messages last week.”

Rebecca blinked. She checked the answering machine every day, and there’d been no calls from Wesley.

Wesley’s mouth curled. “I’m not lying.”

“Maybe I accidentally erased them.”

“Probably. You always had problems with technical things. And managing money.”

“For the last time,” she snapped, “our financial mess isn’t my fault. We both overspent.”

“But you’ve got your secret stash, don’t you?”

“You know that money is for the kids’ college funds,” she said.

When Wesley had found out about the money that had been set aside for the kids, it had enraged him to the point that he deliberately drove his van into the side of the bridge on the way home from dinner at a restaurant.

Rebecca hadn’t come away unscathed. She suffered a multitude of scrapes and bruises, easily explained by the crash. The doctor had no idea Wesley had beaten her after pulling her from the wreck. She barely recalled that incident. But she remembered the others that followed in the days after the crash. The broken wrist. The bruises on her back and hips.

Every day afterward, Wesley had said he loved her. But love wasn’t supposed to hurt physically. Was it?

… Continued…

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Here’s the set-up:

Taliesin Weaver thought that he had saved himself and his friends when he defeated the witch Ceridwen. He was wrong.

He always thought of evil as embodied in external threats that he could overcome in combat. Soon he will discover that the worst evil has been inside of him all along….Tal’s girlfriend is in a coma for which he holds himself responsible. A close friend, suffering from a past-life memory trauma similar to Tal’s, is getting worse, not better. Morgan Le Fay is still lurking around and has an agenda Tal can’t figure out. Supernatural interruptions in his life are becoming more frequent, not less so, despite his expectations. In fact, Tal learns that something about his unique nature amplifies otherworldly forces in ways he never imagined were possible, ways that place at risk everyone close to him.

Tal and his allies must face everything from dead armies to dragons. As soon as they overcome one menace, another one is waiting for them. More people are depending on Tal than ever; he carries burdens few adults could face, let alone a sixteen-year-old like himself. Yet somehow Tal at first manages to handle everything the universe throws at him.

What Tal can’t handle is the discovery that a best friend, almost a brother, betrayed him, damaging Tal’s life beyond repair. For the first time, Tal feels a darkness within him, a darkness which he can only barely control…assuming he wants to. He’s no longer sure. Maybe there is something to be said for revenge, and even more to be said for taking what he wants. After all, he has the power…

Can Tal stop himself before he destroys everyone he has sworn he will protect?

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an excerpt from

Divided Against Yourselves

by Bill Hiatt

 

Copyright © 2014 by Bill Hiatt and published here with his permission

It was just a few days after Thanksgiving, but the memory of the feast I had pretended to enjoy was already fading, and even though winter break was only a couple of weeks away, I couldn’t seem to get excited about the holidays or even about time off from school, though I could use it.  What with a heavy class schedule, soccer practice, band practice, and combat practice, I was feeling the schedule squeeze most of the time. And then there was visiting Carla, as I did every day after soccer practice. People told me I didn’t have to visit every single day, but somehow I couldn’t stay away from the gaze of those dead eyes, the void where her mind used to be, a void I almost got lost in every time I tried to probe her.

Yeah, probe her. I could read minds, remember, at least when there was a mind to read. Oh, well, if you’re just “tuning in” now, I wasn’t just the ordinary teenager my parents, and most of the rest of the world, thought I was. At age twelve, the barrier between my current life and all my past lives came crashing down, flooding me with memories of all those lives.  I managed to recover from those revelations, but my life was never the same after that.  After all, being a reincarnation of the original Taliesin, King Arthur’s bard, was hard enough to absorb all by itself, let alone all of the other lives I had to deal with and the discovery that I could work magic. Oh, and let’s not forget that someone who knew who I was started trying to kill me shortly after I turned sixteen. Yeah, I beat the odds over and over again in the last few months. Carla was not so lucky.

You see, in the big battle against my enemy, Ceridwen, Carla got hit with the same spell that had awakened my past lives four years ago. The problem was, she got hit with it twice. That extra shot might have killed her; instead, it left her comatose—and I couldn’t shake the feeling that her condition was my fault. I had let unsuspecting “civilian” friends go with me to that confrontation, thinking I knew what was going to happen.  Well, seeing the future was never one of my gifts, but I had acted as if I could, and now Carla was paying the price.

She could wake up, of course, but the longer she stayed this way, the less chance there was, and her doctors had the disadvantage of having no idea what they were dealing with.  Come to think of it, though, what could they have done even if they had known?  I didn’t think medical schools covered counter-spells these days.

Actually there were two people in Santa Brígida, our little town, who might have been able to help, in theory. Nurse Florence, a member of the Order of the Ladies of the Lake and currently under cover as our high school’s nurse, had originally come to Santa Brígida to watch over me after I was “awakened,” when I was still confused and vulnerable. Well, at least more confused and vulnerable than I was now—I hadn’t quite gotten over the confusion.  Anyway, she knew more than a little magic, particularly healing magic. There was also Vanora, a colleague of hers from Wales who saved me in the big battle by preventing me from saving Carla. (Vanora wasn’t exactly on my Christmas card list, but I would have forgiven all if she had come up with a way to cure Carla.) Together they had tried pretty much every trick in both of their books and had failed…over and over and over.  Ceridwen had crafted that awakening spell herself, and with her dead, no one else knew how it worked. Perhaps if we had kept Ceridwen alive…but no, she had nearly beaten us, and as much as I wanted Carla to be all right—well, let’s be honest, as much as I loved Carla—I couldn’t have risked everyone else I ever knew or cared about by gambling that we could have found a way to keep Ceridwen prisoner. For that matter, even if she had survived, I couldn’t imagine what would have moved her to divulge the secret of the spell.

“Hey, Tal!” said a high, prepubescent voice right behind me. Without turning around, I knew it was the voice of Gianni, Carla’s little brother.

“Gianni, are your parents here?” I asked.  The hospital was quite a ways from the Rinaldi house, but there was no sign of Mr. and Mrs. Rinaldi.

“Nah, I took a cab. I wanted to see Carla, and Papa had to work late.”

“Your mom let you come here by yourself?”

Gianni was studying the floor tiles intently. “She doesn’t know.”

“What are you trying to do, kid, give her heart failure? She’ll miss you and worry.”

Gianni’s brown eyes looked up at me. “I’m eleven now—she doesn’t need to worry.”

Yeah, dude, that line would work better if your voice didn’t squeak like that.

“Let me just give her a call and see if I can straighten this out.” I whipped out my cell and dialed the number from memory. Needless to say, I had been right; Mrs. Rinaldi was anything but delighted to discover that her son was AWOL.  However, the fact that Gianni was with me and that I was bringing him home went a long way toward keeping him from being grounded until he turned forty-five. Even though the Rinaldis hadn’t really known me that long, they had been treating me like family ever since Carla’s coma, assuming, as pretty much everyone else did, that I was Carla’s boyfriend, though in fact we had only just started to move in that direction.

“OK, Gianni, I squared it for you this time, but you can’t just take a cab again without getting your parents’ permission.”

“I’ll bet you would have done it at my age if you had to.”

Well, he had me there, but I was trying to be less impulsive these days, and I certainly wanted him to be.

He talked to Carla for awhile, telling her what had happened at school over the last couple of days.  It was predictably a one-sided conversation, just like all my conversations with Carla.  One could always hope, though, that Carla was taking it in, that she was getting closer to consciousness with every word.

God, his hair was exactly the same shade of black that hers was, and his facial features were so reminiscent of hers. Sometimes I found it hard to look at him. It wasn’t his fault, though, that his very presence made my mute grief even more intense. In any case, we were connected through Carla, and he already looked at me like a brother.  I was responsible for taking his sister away.  The least I could do was fill in for her.

Gianni hung on until the nurses pretty much kicked us out. We each gave Carla a peck on the cheek and left.  As we walked out the front door, I steered Gianni to the left, toward the lot where my new Prius was parked.  My parents had resisted getting me a car before, since Santa Brígida was a relatively small place, and we lived in walking distance from the high school, with downtown only a quick bus trip away. Carla’s hospital, however, was west down the 101 in Coast Village, much too far to walk and requiring a tortuously long bus ride. How could they say no? Well, they did say no to red—I was going for the color the Welsh dragon, though naturally they didn’t know that—and I ended up with that not-quite black shade, gunmetal. All things considered, it was a reasonable compromise.

As soon as we opened the front door of the hospital, I knew something was wrong.  When I had gone in to see Carla, the sky had been clear, yet now all I could see in any direction was fog so thick it blotted out the world beyond the hospital steps.  Sure, we were close to the ocean, but I had seen this particular kind of fog too often to believe its occurrence was natural.  Indeed, every time I had seen fog this thick in the last few months, it meant that something supernatural—and usually bad—was about to happen.

“Gianni, go back inside for a minute. It’s better if I bring the car around.” I glanced in his direction, but he was fascinated by the glow of the distant parking-lot lights in the fog and didn’t seem to be listening.

“Gianni…” I started again, more emphatically, but before I could get any further, a figure appeared at the bottom of the steps, emerging from the fog so abruptly that I jumped a little, despite myself.

Yeah, I would know her anywhere.  Same long, glossy black hair, same flawless white skin, same model perfect features and body.  Only the gown was different this time:  white samite, instead of the red samite I had last seen her wear, perhaps to make her more inconspicuous in the fog.

Morgan Le Fay!

“Why, Taliesin, what a pleasant surprise! I scarcely expected to run into you again. And who is your young friend?”

“Gianni, get inside!” I barked the order in Welsh, knowing he wouldn’t remember afterward what had happened.  In response to my magic, he turned quickly toward the door.

“No, Gianni, please stay here!” cooed Morgan, also in Welsh. I could feel the magic behind the words, and so could Gianni, who froze, his hand still in midair, reaching toward the door handle.

I needed to get Gianni away from Morgan, but I didn’t want his mind pulled in two different directions by two powerful spell casters.  My research prior to the battle against Ceridwen gave me the upper hand with certain kinds of magic, but Morgan was at least as powerful as I with simple mind manipulation, if not more so.

Without hesitation I drew my sword, White Hilt, and flames instantly engulfed its blade.  Perhaps if Morgan were distracted enough, she would lose her focus on Gianni, and he would follow my original command.

“I see your manners have not improved since last time. I only want to talk.” Morgan’s voice conveyed an icy calm, but I noticed she did back away a step.

“You tried to kill me last time,” I pointed out, trying to sound reasonable and not betray one freezing instant of the fear that frosted my heart.  It was not that I was that afraid of facing Morgan in general.  I was afraid of facing her with Gianni only a few steps away and totally vulnerable to any malign magic she might hurl at him.

“Some of my actions last time were…ill-advised.  I let Ceridwen talk me into attacking you and your friends. What I did was foolish, and I crave your forgiveness.”

Well, an apology from Morgan was certainly a surprise—but it was probably also a trick, a way of lulling me into a false sense of security.

“My forgiveness you can have…if you bind yourself with the most solemn oath never to cross my path again.” I made sure to keep White Hilt ready and flaming. Having learned to manipulate that flame, I even made it blaze a little hotter.

“That I cannot do, for the universe often plays tricks on us.  Our paths may cross, whether I will them to or not. After all, it was Ceridwen who threw you into my little corner of Annwn, and I truly did not intend to meet you tonight.  I am as surprised as you are to find you here. My errand is not connected with you in any way, though as long as you are here, you may be able to help me with it.”

I watched the undulating flames reflect in her eyes and thought I could see some uneasiness in those eyes as well.  If Morgan had actually been looking for me, she would certainly have prepared a way to counter White Hilt’s flame. Perhaps she was telling the truth—at least about the meeting being accidental.

I heard Gianni gasp next to me. While Morgan bantered with me, he had been trying to reconcile the two contradictory magic commands and obviously not succeeding. If neither of us released him, he might continue to struggle until he injured his mind.

“Morgan, release the boy, and I will hear you out.” Morgan was doubtless loath to relinquish the advantage of having Gianni’s safety to hold over my head, but she could see as well as I that the current situation could easily become a stalemate, and she clearly wanted something—if not my help, then at least my willingness to let her do whatever she had come for. She bowed, I could feel her attempted compulsion on Gianni relax, and he unsteadily propelled himself through the door, finally free to respond to my original instructions.

“Now then,” she began as soon as the door closed behind Gianni, “I am in search of my sister. Not long ago I received a prophecy that she would soon re-emerge in the world of men, and now I feel her somewhere nearby. She is close, Taliesin, very close indeed.”

I looked at her quizzically. “Morgause? She is dead, surely.”

Morgan gave me one of her glacial smiles. “Before this fall, you would have said the same of me, and I the same of you. Yet here we are.”

“Well, I did die, as you know, and was reincarnated. And I told you when you were seeking Lancelot, I have no art to find the person in whom a specific soul has reincarnated. So if Morgause is again living in this world, she could be anywhere, for all I know.  On the other hand, if she, like you, has found a way to cheat death, I might be able to find her—but so could you, and I suspect far easier than I.”

“Actually, it is not Morgause I seek, but my other sister, Alcina.” I must have looked even more puzzled, and for a moment I thought Morgan was going to lose her temper with me. Then she regained control of herself and added, “You would remember her as Elaine.”

“Elaine! Yes, I remember that Arthur had a half-sister named Elaine, but she left long before the fall of Camelot.”

“Yes, she found the atmosphere at Camelot somewhat…stifling, and unlike me, she had no particular scores to settle.  She wandered through Europe, searching for ways to enhance her magic, and she found quite a few. She settled on an island, not exactly in Annwn, but certainly in an otherworld of some sort. Unfortunately, that island has been empty for centuries, and it contains no clue of what might have become of her.”

“Surely,” I began, again trying to sound reasonable, “the likelihood that she randomly ended up in Santa Barbara must be remote, even if she is still alive.”

“I feel her,” snapped Morgan. “I feel her as I have not felt her in hundreds of years. She is nearby—of that I am certain.”

If Elaine, or Alcina, or whatever she was calling herself these days, was nearby, the last thing I wanted was for Morgan to find her. After all, Morgan was quite dangerous enough on her own. Letting her reunite with a sister whose magic might be even more powerful than her own was about as desirable as pounding a nail into my forehead, but how could I stop her, short of killing her? I had certainly killed my share of people in earlier lives, but I wasn’t exactly eager to continue that habit in this one. Then there was the fact that Morgan would certainly fight back, and a battle between us could get extremely messy, to say the least.

And Gianni, not to mention Carla, was in the building right behind us. So, at least in theory, was Morgan’s sister, but I couldn’t take the chance that the possible risk to Elaine would restrain Morgan enough. She seemed rational enough at the moment, but I had seen more than enough over the last few weeks to make me question her sanity.

I needed to play for time, to find a way to slow Morgan down while holding out the possibility that I might help her.

“If Elaine is so close,” I began, “and you can sense her presence, why has she not sensed yours? Surely she would have appeared by now and given you a sisterly greeting.”

I had just been fishing for some way to keep the conversation going, but as soon as I asked the question, I realized it was a reasonable one, and so did Morgan. Good as she was at concealing her feelings, she was clearly a bit perplexed.

“I have asked myself the same question. Taliesin, she is only a little farther away from me than you are—I know it as surely as I know my own name. She should at least have noticed me. However, I am looking for her, and she is not looking for me, so perhaps—wait, now I know exactly where she is!”

I should have known that Morgan was chatting with me and reaching out for her sister at the same time. I had not gained anything at all by trying to keep the conversation going.

“She is…in the building right behind you,” said Morgan with eerie certainty.

Great. The one place I least wanted Morgan to be, and that was the one spot she was determined to go.

“She can’t be, Morgan. I just came from in there. Surely I would have noticed a presence as strong as hers.”

“Perhaps not,” said Morgan, regarding me with interest. “I share a bond of blood with her that you do not. What I feel is that bond calling to me. Her power I do not feel at all. That suggests two possibilities: she is hiding from something, or she has lost her powers. Either way she needs my help.” Morgan took a step forward. I let the flame on my sword blaze brighter.

“I am not about to let you into this hospital, whether your sister is inside or not, Morgan.”

Her eyes blazed brighter than my sword, but she did not immediately let her anger have free reign.

“My little cherub,” she said softly. “A little cherub with his flaming sword, guarding the gates. Why are you so intent on keeping me from helping my own sister? I know you understand the importance of family ties.”

That last line could easily be interpreted as a threat, but I decided to ignore it for the moment.

“Because I don’t trust you,” I said simply, getting White Hilt to flame higher for effect. I figured there was not much point in maintaining a pretense of friendliness at this point. “You did try to kill me and my friends, and you would have been quite content to leave my soul trapped in Ceridwen’s cauldron forever. You can’t think a simple apology really covers all of that.”

“My little cherub—”

“Not so little, Morgan, and with thousands of years of experience, as you will find out if you keep pushing me.”

“No, not so little at that,” replied Morgan, feigning a thoughtful tone and looking me up and down. “Not so little at all. Perhaps I have been foolish to think mere words would satisfy you. Perhaps mine is the kind of apology that needs to be delivered…in bed.”

Seriously?

“Morgan…” I began, then had to pause as she stared into my eyes, plainly trying to enchant me. I could feel seductive energy oozing all around my defenses, probing them, poking at them. Fortunately, for someone like me, all Morgan could do was increase the natural temptation, not actually control my mind. At least, I hoped that was all she could do. I started humming, just to be sure. The original Taliesin’s magic worked best with musical accompaniment, and so naturally did mine. Too bad I didn’t have an instrument with me…

Morgan apparently took my humming to indicate I was nervous about my defenses and tried to press her advantage. “I know the girl you love cannot be your lover now, perhaps ever. Nonetheless, I would not insult you by asking you to betray that love. I offer you only physical satisfaction. A man like you must have…needs, needs that a woman like me could certainly satisfy. I have had hundreds of years of experience, after all. Come to think of it, so have you. Our coupling would have to be magnificent.”

Keeping in mind that in this life I was still a sixteen-year-old guy, I wouldn’t pretend her offer, backed up by magic or not, wasn’t appealing on some level. Being a teenage guy wasn’t easy in the first place; imagine what it was like being a teenage guy who could remember hundreds of years of sexual experiences from previous lives. Let’s just say I didn’t need to spend any time searching for porn on the Internet. I did have to spend a lot of time reconciling my urge to reenact some of those earlier sexual experiences with my desire to be at least a halfway decent guy by the standards of my current society. Morgan herself complicated the issue still further. She was, after all, a beautiful woman, fashion-model beautiful. Her mistake was in reminding me that she was really older than dirt. I couldn’t help thinking of the skeleton she’d be right now without all the magic she had expended to keep herself forever young.

What really reinforced my defenses, though, was the jolt of fear that shot through me when I realized that Morgan knew about Carla. Morgan must have been spying on me, just as Ceridwen used to—and Morgan was definitely not someone you wanted knowing all of your secret vulnerabilities.

I suddenly realized the light from White Hilt was fading. I again urged the flames to a great blaze, gave myself the mental equivalent of a cold shower, and focused all my attention on Morgan again.

“I’m not so easy to get around,” I said to her with a certainly I did not completely feel. Morgan, not expecting such an outright rejection, at least not so quickly, let some of her rage show.

“Do you really think you can stop me, Taliesin?” she replied harshly. “You took me by surprise once in Annwn. You will not do so again.” With that, Morgan threw herself into the concealing fog faster than should have been possible—had she been a mere human. Unfortunately, she was part faerie and capable of moving faster than I was—not superhero fast, but fast enough to conceal herself in her fog before I could fling the fire from my sword at her in a burst that would have reduced her to ashes. But who was I kidding? Even had I been moving at the same speed, I probably wouldn’t have roasted her. I just didn’t want to kill, not even someone like her. At least, not until I absolutely had to, a point I might reach any minute now.

After all, Morgan could do more than hide herself in the fog. Like most Celtic sorcerers, she could shape-shift into something tiny like a fly, then get into the hospital through an open window on the third floor before I could stop her. Worse, she could use the weather itself against me. The results would not be instantaneous, but in a surprisingly short period of time, she could fry me with lightning right where I stood and step over my charred corpse on the way to the front door.

I could try to counter such a tactic, but Morgan was stronger than I in a straight battle of magic against magic. True, I had learned how to make magic work on modern technology, which as far as I could tell, no one else had managed, and I had another trick or two up my sleeve, like being able to read and broadcast thoughts in a way that would have astounded the original Taliesin. However, there was no denying that in a contest of raw power, Morgan would beat me.

As if on cue, a chilling wind cut through me. So Morgan was going to try storm over stealth.

I did understand meteorology better than she did—that’s how I had beaten her that time in Annwn. But then I had used my fire and my scientific knowledge to counter her storm and ended up creating a hurricane to use against her. I couldn’t very well do that this time, and Morgan knew it—I had made it very clear that I valued something, or someone, inside the building. My options were limited by the need to protect that structure. A hurricane born of the clash between her magic and mine could probably not be controlled precisely enough to be safe to use this close to the hospital.

Predictably enough, rain started hitting me in ice-cold drops, and the flames on my sword sputtered a little. That was part of Morgan’s goal: put out the sword.

I might already be too late, but I knew I needed to summon help.

“Nurse Florence, I need you…ten minutes ago!”  I gave the message every ounce of power I possessed, but that kind of mental communication did weaken with distance, and Nurse Florence, our resident lady of the lake, was probably miles away in Santa Brígida. Still, if I managed to connect, I could send her a message without Morgan even realizing I had summoned help.

“Should I bring backup?” Her response tingled in the back of my mind, faint but unmistakable.

“Any of the guys you can grab fast. Morgan Le Fay is trying to find her sister Elaine—in Carla’s hospital. Morgan’s raising a storm.”

“I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

I felt the connection fade, but at least now I knew help was coming…eventually. Nurse Florence did have some rather unusual methods of transportation at her disposal. The question was how fast she could get to any of my…well, warriors, for lack of a better term. Since they had to conceal their unusual…situation, just as I did mine, they couldn’t always appear right on cue, even in an emergency.

Well, no point fussing about how fast my allies could get here. I needed to focus entirely on countering Morgan’s arcane attack.  In the short time it had taken me to reach Nurse Florence, the wind had intensified until its howl was like that of a rabid wolf, the rain was practically knocking me off my feet, and my sword was radiating more steam than fire. Just in time, I willed the flames to become stronger, to burn back the rain, to envelope me in a flaming shield. I had to concentrate so hard I was shaking, but for the moment I was protected—unless of course someone tried to walk out the front door of the hospital, in which case I would have another problem.

The powers that be in Annwn were none too pleased that so many people already knew my secret. Nurse Florence they accepted as practically one of their own, and they could have swallowed my “warriors.” It was the fact that I wouldn’t wipe the memories of the other students who had been with us in the final battle during Samhain that really irked them. The leadership in Annwn was all about keeping humans from learning too much. So, yeah, if anyone saw the display I was currently putting on, I would have to wipe that person’s memory of it—but I would have to keep him or her out of Morgan’s way first. Too many complications.

I knew it was risky trying to “multi-task” with magic, but I did manage to jam the door behind me, and the sudden temperature drop created by Morgan’s storm made it easy for me to frost the nearby windows. The manner in which the entry way of the hospital projected out from the rest of the building would block the view of what I was doing from a lot of those windows, but I wanted to be as careful as I could be.

Even that slight change of focus thinned my fire shield a bit, and as the rain’s fury increased, it brought the shield near to collapse. It took every bit of concentration I had to stabilize the situation. I started singing softly in Welsh to amplify my power as much as possible. Even so, I knew I could not hold out indefinitely. I had to hope that the cavalry would arrive—soon.

It also worried me that, with this storm raging, Morgan could very easily slip in through some other point of entry while I was blocking the front door. I thought about trying to locate her in the fog, but I guessed she would be masking her presence as much as she could, forcing me to give more of my focus to finding her than I dared right now. I had to depend on her desire to kill me, or at least render me helpless, to keep her outside as long as I was still breathing and conscious.

The lightning flash almost made me jump, and the thunder was loud enough to rattle some of the nearby hospital windows. That lightning was powerful, and it was close. My fire shield might protect me from the rain, but it probably wouldn’t stop the lightning, though I was having a hard time thinking through the science involved. The hiss of steam as the rain hit the fire sounded almost deafening now, but even it wasn’t enough to drown out the reverberations of the thunder.

Between the racket and my need to concentrate on maintaining the fire shield, I spared a second to wonder what had happened to Gianni. Even inside the hospital such a sudden and intense storm must have been quite noticeable; probably one of the nurses had spotted him and was now keeping him from coming outside to look for me, but he had to be getting awfully worried by now, and I wasn’t sure whether my command to go inside would keep him inside—I was working too fast at the time to consider all the contingencies. Well, I didn’t want to think too much about that; at least he was safe inside right now, and I was pretty sure someone would keep him inside. That was the most I could hope for at the moment.

I was beginning to feel tired. No, not just tired—more like exhausted. Morgan was hitting me with everything she had, though I did wonder why the lightning, which must be striking nearby, wasn’t actually hitting me. I wasn’t really trying to deflect it, because doing that would take too much power away from the fire shield, but perhaps countering the lightning was more important. If I concentrated on the lightning, I knew I could keep it from striking really close—I had seen that kind of magical defense before. However, if the fire shield collapsed, as it very likely would, the rain would beat down on me so mercilessly that, at the very least, my concentration would shatter. In this kind of situation, logic suggested retreating inside the building, especially since Morgan believed her sister was inside and couldn’t exactly level the place. She could, however, follow me in, and I wanted to keep our fight outside if I possibly could.

“Taliesin, let me in!”

I jumped at the sound of the voice coming from right next to me. It was not the voice I wanted to hear, but it was at least someone who would help. I parted the flames on my left just long enough for Vanora to jump through.

Yeah, that’s right—the same person I held responsible for Carla’s condition. Not only that, but she was still disguised as Carrie Winn, the identity Ceridwen had assumed while she was stalking me. Carrie Winn was too prominent a citizen to just disappear, so Vanora had shifted into Winn’s form long enough to keep us all from getting entangled in a police investigation and to tie up other loose ends. Intellectually I understood the need for such a deception. Emotionally, it was hard for me to look at someone who had been willing to condemn me to eternal suffering, no matter how often I told myself that the person really was dead, and what I was seeing was merely an illusion. It was a damn convincing illusion though. I guess it would have to be to serve its purpose. Still…

Vanora knew I didn’t like her, in the shape of Carrie Winn or in her natural form, but she was too business-like to acknowledge my surly glance in her direction.

“Viviane’s gathering the others. She asked me to help you hold out until they got here.”

I had to hand it to her for being cool in a crisis. Without skipping a beat, she started casting a spell to keep the lightning from hitting us. I had seen her do the same thing on Samhain, and it had worked. Between the two of us, we could certainly hold Morgan until the others arrived.

The situation didn’t make me like Vanora any better—but I had to admit, however grudgingly, that she was a worthy adversary for Morgan.

Of course, Morgan would quickly sense that she now had more than one opponent, but I doubted she could up her game enough to destroy both of us. At least, I hoped not. There was perhaps more danger of her trying to outflank us and get into the building, but Morgan was not the type to leave two enemies at large in such close proximity to her. Or was that just more wishful thinking on my part?

“Taliesin, let me in!”

This time I froze rather than jumping. I had expected the others to show up soon, so hearing someone else asking to be let inside the fire shield should not have caused my heart to skip a beat. The problem was that the voice outside was Vanora’s, just as it had been a couple of minutes before.

I already knew Morgan was a shape-shifter, so I shouldn’t really have been surprised. The problem was, who was the fake Vanora—the woman standing next to me, or the woman outside? If I guessed wrong, things could get really nasty really quickly…

The Vanora already inside with me, however, had known who else was coming, something Morgan, who couldn’t read minds, probably wouldn’t know. On the other hand, now that I thought about it, Morgan’s faerie ancestry gave her advantages beyond the speed I had seen earlier. For one thing, her vision was much better than the human norm. The darkness would not have been much of a problem for her, and as the sorceress who had conjured the fog and storm, she should have been able to see through them pretty easily as well, even though I couldn’t. Logically, she should have been able to see Vanora arrive. But in that case, why shift into the image of Vanora? She could have fooled me much more easily by becoming Nurse Florence, whom I would have let in without question. She had to know I would not just passively accept two Vanoras. Why was my life always so complicated?

“That has to be Morgan,” observed the Vanora standing next to me, her eyes narrowed in concentration, most of her attention focused on keeping the lightning from hitting us. “Perhaps you should give her a…warm welcome.”

I tried to gently probe them both, but typically I didn’t have much luck getting into the minds of powerful spell casters, and so I couldn’t read much more than their power. Casters such as they consciously or unconsciously created shields to protect their minds from the wide variety of mental attacks an opponent might hurl at them. The ancient Celts hadn’t visualized reading minds in the way that I had trained myself to do, but the kind of mental shielding Morgan and Vanora had kept me out pretty effectively anyway. By now maintaining such shields had become almost second-nature to them, so maintaining that defense did not require much effort on their parts unless I attacked their shielding—something I didn’t dare do until I knew who was who.

I caused the flames to blaze up on the side from which I had heard the other Vanora’s voice come—but slowly enough to give her a chance to dodge out of the way, which she did.

“Taliesin,” said the second Vanora, in what was, at the very least, a good imitation of her real Vanora’s indignant tone, “what are you doing?”

“Demonstrating I’m not that easily fooled, Morgan,” I replied, putting a lot of emphasis on that name. “The real Vanora is already here.”

“No, she isn’t,” insisted the second Vanora loudly. “You must have Morgan inside with you.”

Well, she must have been right, because at that moment I felt a very sharp, very cold dagger thrust into my right arm.

… Continued…

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Divided Against Yourselves

(Spell Weaver, 2)

by Bill Hiatt
4.7 stars – 9 reviews
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KND Freebies: Intriguing sci-fi CHILDREN OF THE OLD STARS is featured in today’s Free Kindle Nation Shorts excerpt

Take an exciting journey across the galaxy in Book 2 of David Lee Summers’ four-part
Old Star New Earth series…

When an enigmatic alien presence threatens a peaceful star ship, Captain John Mark Ellis  joins forces with an alien warrior and an evangelist to solve the mystery of this dangerous entity.

3.4 stars – 8 Reviews
Text-to-Speech and Lending: Enabled
Here’s the set-up:
The Cluster is a vast alien machine that destroys starships indiscriminately in its quest for something or someone. Commander John Mark Ellis, disgraced and booted out of the service when he fails to save a merchant ship, believes the key to stopping the Cluster is communication. His mother, Suki Firebrandt Ellis, is an astronomer who believes the very leaders of the galaxy are withholding information about the Cluster. Clyde McClintlock believes the Cluster is God incarnate, seeking retribution. G’Liat is an alien warrior whose own starship was destroyed by the Cluster. All together, they set out to solve the mystery of the Cluster before it finds the object of its quest.

5-star praise for Children of the Old Stars:

An intriguing journey across the depths of the galaxy

“…an engaging story from the prologue to the epilogue, rich with intelligent concepts and unusual narrative tricks…excellently written…”

Loved it!

“…beautiful descriptions of cosmic phenomena and alternate dimensions….a great read!”

an excerpt from

Children of the Old Stars

by David Lee Summers

 

Copyright © 2014 by David Lee Summers and published here with his permission

THE FREEDOM TO SEARCH

Some stories begin with a battle. Even more end with one. Still, there are other stories where the battle occurs before the tale begins. We can only imagine the terrible fight in which Ahab lost his leg to the white whale. We know it was a transforming experience—almost a spiritual conversion. What else could cause a man to lose himself to a quest?

The war-weary planet of Sufiro hung, healing, in the black stillness of space—a blue-green marble spotted with brown continents and white clouds. On Sufiro, Clyde McClintlock sat bored in a pristine white room with perfectly smooth walls and rounded corners. The plastic furniture, a bed, chair, table, and toilet, were as white and featureless as the walls themselves. At the front of the room was a transparent force field, which looked out into an equally pristine white hallway. Clyde picked up a new, crisp book. The book was a mystery novel, but every time he tried to read, images of nearly translucent silver spheres reflecting the planet Sufiro’s blue-green oceans would enter his thoughts. People called those spheres the Cluster. It was a benign name for a potent force.

He carefully returned the book to the center of the table, adjusting it precisely. Standing slowly, he put his feet against the back wall. Methodically he paced the distance from the wall to the force field. The cell hadn’t changed size; it was still exactly ten paces. Again, McClintlock picked up the book, opened it to the first page, but threw it down almost instantly, activating a button on the edge of the table.

A hologram of a professionally dressed woman materialized on one side of the cell. It was a news holo, originating from Earth. The woman’s voice was a forced calm, but held a note of hopelessness. “Humans have now lost over 100 star vessels to the mysterious Cluster. All of the races of the Confederation claim losses on the same scale, including the Titans. So far, no Cluster appears to have attacked any planets, though there have been sightings reported over various frontier worlds, including Earth’s key mining colony, Sufiro.”

Clyde McClintlock slammed the button, shutting off the hologram. “Don’t tell me about the Cluster. I already know more than I want to,” he grumbled to no one.

At one time, Clyde McClintlock had been a colonel, leading the armies of the continent of Tejo on Sufiro. Tejo had supplied the mineral, Erdonium, to Earth to help combat the Cluster, wherever it appeared. As the Cluster appeared more often, demand for the rare material increased. To supply the ever-rising need, the Tejans resorted to using migrant labor from the other major continent on the planet, New Granada. Money was short and competition for trade, fierce. As such, the migrant laborers were paid only enough food to survive and clothing that was little more than rags. Even to Clyde McClintlock, whose job it had been to keep the migrants from rioting, it seemed little different from slavery.

The demand for Erdonium continued to grow. Clyde had been ordered to send an invasion force to New Granada to get more people to mine the mineral. It was during the invasion that a Confederation Commander, John Mark Ellis, had destroyed his supply train. Shortly after that, the Cluster had appeared in the sky. It was while the Cluster was in the sky that he had the vision.

In one instant, he had seen, and more importantly, understood, all of the pain and suffering his government had caused. More to the point though, he realized how to end it. In one stroke, Clyde McClintlock led a military coup and seized control of his home, Tejo. Peace between the two continents was made and the migrants were sent home. McClintlock had no ambition to run a country. Even more, he did not want to go down in history as another tyrannical militant who ended one type of suffering by imposing another. McClintlock turned control of Tejo’s government over to the people. The people promptly arrested him.

Beyond arresting him, though, the people weren’t quite sure what to do. Clyde McClintlock had violated the most sacred law of any military officer. He had attacked his Commander-in-Chief and childhood friend, Rocky Hill. On the other hand, no one questioned that it took just that kind of extreme action to save Tejo from the self-destructive path it had been on.

While imprisoned in the capital, Tejo City, McClintlock had heard that Caroline Chung of the mighty Mao Corporation had been elected to lead the people. McClintlock waited impatiently, hoping she would decide on a course of action—any course of action—soon.

Sitting alone in his cell, McClintlock was bothered. He was not bothered by the ultimate outcome of the decision. In a way, he almost didn’t care. As far as he was concerned, death would not be too high a price for betraying his closest friend. Instead, he was bothered by the clarity of the vision he had received. It occurred to Clyde that the Cluster might not be the evil that people had claimed it was. Instead, it might be quite different. It might hold answers; answers to many of the deepest mysteries.

Clyde retrieved some paper from the drawer in the table and began to write…

* * * *

Roly-poly, furred beings with deep, black eyes performed the ceremonial dances and sang the ritual chants that made their vessel traverse space. In another part of the ship, a detection algorithm was danced. The beings, called Titans after their home world, sensed an ancient presence. The presence took the form of silvery, translucent orbs—a large one in the center, smaller ones around the outside. “It is the intelligence,” said one of the Titans, continuing to dance.

“Have they detected us?” asked another.

“Unknown. The intelligence is diminished without appendages, but its power is still great,” said the first Titan.

The other Titan called to those controlling the ship, “Take steps to ensure we are not detected.” With that command, the Titans’ spacecraft vanished into a dimension perpendicular to those normally sensed.

* * * *

Frail wisps of gray smoke drifted silently past shimmering, iridescent, silver spheres hovering over a tiny foldout desk. The spheres seemed to cling together impossibly. Commander John Mark Ellis of the destroyer, Firebrandt, sat transfixed by the image, asking himself questions. The commander sat back in a frail metal chair and lifted the smoldering, brown cigar to his chapped lips. As he sucked in the warm, fragrant smoke, he thought of the terrible damage caused by this lovely cluster of spheres.

Ellis exhaled smoke forcefully and a deep frown etched itself onto his face. With a rumble, deep down in his throat, he sat forward, touched a button on the projector base and changed the hologram. Where the cluster of spheres once hovered, now stood the image of a man who looked very much like him. Both men were over six feet tall and somewhat stocky, each with muscles built up from years of military service. Unlike the commander though, the man in the holographic image was clean-shaven. The image was one of Jerome Mycroft Ellis standing on the bow of a sleek hover boat in the Atlantic Ocean of Earth, his hands on his hips, hair blown back by the wind. Ellis felt his own deep brown eyes grow moist as he thought about his father lost to the cluster of spheres. Ellis’ father had not done anything to the spheres—he didn’t even try to communicate—yet the Cluster sliced his ship open just as easily as a human would a can of soup.

Ellis, placing the pungent cigar in a small, black ashtray, turned as he heard a knock on the bulkhead next to the alcove where he sat. “Yes,” said Ellis, with an edge to his voice.

The commander heard the soft rustle as the green curtain was pushed aside. The strong, youthful face of his first lieutenant, Frank Rubin appeared. “We’re almost at the final jump point for Titan, sir,” said the lieutenant in an almost unnaturally booming baritone.

“I’ll be on the bridge momentarily,” said Ellis, scratchily. He cleared his throat and reached behind him to the tiny bunk and grabbed his blue uniform coat. His attention was dragged back to the image of his father. The commander sighed and turned off the holo projector at its base. In one fluid motion, he grabbed the cigar, took a puff and dumped it down the incinerator chute while folding the tiny metal desk back into the wall. He tossed on the coat without ceremony, without bothering to button it. Taking five steps, he found himself on the bridge of the tiny vessel.

As Ellis entered the bridge, he did not sit down immediately. Rather, he stood just behind his black, leather command chair, his jacket rumpled, the single epaulet on the left shoulder hanging askew. His fingers reached out, almost caressing the top of the chair. For a long moment, he stared at the holographic viewer, then down to the right at the communicator—a thin, pale fellow named Weiss—working at his station. Ellis scanned left where Commissioned Officer (B-Grade) Francis Rubin had just settled in at the pilot’s console, slightly forward and to the left of the command seat. Allowing his gaze to wander, he smiled at the gunner, a blonde-haired young woman named Adkins. The smile she returned lit up her face.

The commander returned his gaze to the holographic projector. On it, a course projection seemed to stretch out through the stars to a flashing purple sphere. That was the point at which the ship would inject itself into fourth dimensional reality and return to its home base at Saturn’s largest moon, the enigmatically shrouded Titan. Ellis inhaled deeply, smelling new plastic, dust and sweat mingling with old, stale cigar smoke. He examined the light gray metal and plastic of the bridge as though it would be the last time he would ever see it. Finally, he eased around the black command chair, letting his hand trail on the armrest and settled into the not-too-comfortable chair.

“Are you looking forward to going home, sir?” asked Adkins cheerily.

Ellis took a shuddering breath and felt a slight lump form in his throat. “I’m going to miss this ship,” he said carefully. “My first command.” He sighed to himself.

Rubin turned, looking at his commander. “After our mission at Sufiro, they’d be crazy not to confirm your promotion. The only way to end the war with the Cluster is to be able to talk to them.” The B-Com smiled reassuringly. “At Sufiro, you showed that might actually be possible.”

The commander scowled. “As far as I know, my ‘communication’ with the Cluster might have been nothing more than a bad dream.” Ellis’ scowl melted into a whimsical grin. “It may have been nothing more than an undigested bit of meat. There might have been more of gravy than grave to that vision.”

“More like a nicotine hallucination,” chided Adkins, deliberately ignoring the allusion to Dickens.

The commander—a naval traditionalist—scowled at the gunner.

“More like a nicotine hallucination, sir,” Adkins hastily corrected.

Ellis nodded, grinning mischievously. “All I saw were scenes of the conflict at Sufiro. There was nothing I didn’t already know about.” The commander shook his head. “I had a few vague impressions.”

Rubin took a deep breath. “Quite frankly, sir, it sounds like you’re trying to talk yourself out of believing the communication even happened.”

Ellis shrugged.

“Sorry to interrupt,” cut in the thin voice of the communicator. Weiss turned, holding a hand to the scar on his forehead where a communication’s chip had been implanted. “I’m receiving an EQ distress call.”

“On speakers,” barked Ellis.

Sound from the speakers reverberated suddenly from the walls of the tiny ship’s bridge. “…stumbled across a Cluster ship in orbit of star 1E1919+0427. We have attempted neither communication nor scans. We request assistance from a Confederation vessel. Repeat—this is the Mao Freighter Martha’s Vineyard calling for immediate assistance. We have stumbled across…” Ellis reached to his own control pad and cut the speakers. He sat stunned for a moment. The Martha’s Vineyard had been a sister ship to his father’s now-destroyed freighter, the Nantucket.

“Analysis,” called Ellis, sitting up in his chair.

Rubin looked up from his station where he had already been performing calculations. “We can reach 1E1919+0427 using nearly the same jump point as for Titan. It’s almost in a straight line between here and our own solar system.”

Weiss still looked at Ellis, his hand on his forehead. “Titan control confirms we are the best-positioned ship to make an immediate response. Although there are more heavily armed ships that could be there only an hour later. Titan control says it’s your decision.”T

he commander tapped his fingers rapidly on the armrest of his chair. After only a couple seconds he looked at Rubin. “Proceed to the jump point for 1E19…” Ellis shook his head, not remembering the string of numbers.

“1E1919+0427,” stated Rubin, his deep voice giving the impression of confidence. “Aye, sir.”

“Full speed.” Ellis turned his attention to Weiss. “Inform Titan control that we are going in.” As Weiss returned his hand to his forehead, Ellis turned to Adkins. “Better make sure those guns are set, though I hope to God we don’t have to use them.”

Adkins nodded curtly while Ellis returned his eyes to the holo viewer. In the image, he saw the course projection move over slightly and a new purple sphere appear, slightly closer than the preceding one. After Rubin made the course adjustment, he reached over to the intercom switch. “This is the Executive Officer, we have changed course and are engaged in a rescue mission. All hands to battle stations. Repeat—this is the XO, all hands to battle stations. Prepare for jump in two minutes.” Rubin looked at the holographic chronometer readout floating in his workstation window. “Jump in two minutes … mark.” As Rubin spoke, the computer automatically registered the call to battle stations. An alarm bell sounded as lights went red, drawing people’s attentions to their stations.

Automatically, Ellis checked readouts on his own console. He tried, in vain, to remember if he had secured the volume of Emily Dickinson that he had been reading before he had become absorbed in pictures of the Cluster. He shook his head, knowing he didn’t have time to worry about it even if he had forgotten.

Rubin looked around at Ellis. “We are at the jump point,” he said tersely.

Ellis took a deep breath and gripped the armrests tightly, his knuckles showing white. “Jump!”

Reality exploded as the Firebrandt leapt from the confines of three-dimensional existence, riding a gravity wave through the dimension of time. Light swirled in twisting silver intensities becoming loud voices that called Ellis’ name. The commander looked around, his mouth agape, to see himself surrounded by Clusters, which melted themselves into the stars of the holo viewer. Ellis was wrenched hard into his seat as reality reasserted itself. Grabbing the armrests tightly, he clamped his mouth and eyes shut getting control of the nausea that inevitably followed the jump.

Ellis slowly opened his aching eyes, looking back to the screen as the other members of the bridge also recovered from the jump. In the center, he saw two yellow stars, nearby. On the surface of the larger, was a vast group of dark spots, covering nearly an eighth of the surface area. The commander pursed his lips, realizing they had jumped in near the star system itself. The screen had automatically damped itself. He shook his head; he thought he had seen many stars on the screen as they came out of the jump.

The commander looked to Weiss. “Where’s the Vineyard? Are they still okay?”

“Communication’s established,” reported Weiss. “Transferring coordinates to Mr. Rubin’s station. The Cluster is still there, still quiet.”

Ellis nodded to the pilot. “Approach,” he ordered, his voice hushed. He took a deep breath and fished around his rumpled coat. Finally, he located a cigar, thrust it in his mouth and lit it, ignoring the sour look that appeared on the communicator’s face.

The ship pivoted on one axis turning away from the double star. He watched, transfixed as the silver orbs of the Cluster came into view one by one. The Cluster appeared to move hypnotically to the center of the screen. Ellis knew it would be impossible to see the black, Erdonium hull of the freighter. “Mark the freighter’s position,” ordered Ellis, shaking his head, trying to regain concentration.

Weiss nodded and a bright red dot appeared near the Cluster. As the cluster of spheres grew on the ship’s holo viewer, Ellis couldn’t help but think of his father, who had, like the captain of the Martha’s Vineyard, commanded a Mao Corporation freighter. Desperately, he wanted to save this crew. In some small way, he hoped it would quiet some of the guilt he felt over his own father’s death.

At the same time, Ellis thought about the Cluster over the planet Sufiro. The Cluster’s presence had brought an end to a fierce war fought between the two major continents. The continents of Tejo and New Granada united to defend themselves against the Cluster. It had projected images of the war to Ellis along with a feeling of almost loving warmth. The commander took a long draw on his cigar, trying to reconcile the image of the Cluster as caring peacemaker with the image of the Cluster as a cold, unfeeling murderer.

“Mr. Weiss,” said the commander, exhaling smoke. “Tell the Vineyard to back slowly away from the Cluster.” He turned to the pilot. “Mr. Rubin, maneuver ourselves between the Cluster and the freighter. Let’s see if we can get the Vineyard safely to a jump point.”

Weiss and Rubin nodded in unison. “Aye, sir.”

“Shall I train ship’s guns on the Cluster, sir?” asked Adkins, running her hand through the short hair on the back of her head.

Ellis thought for a moment, his eyes still fixed on the viewer. “Not just yet,” he said thoughtfully. “But be ready. We’ll use them if we must.” Adkins nodded acknowledgment.

Still transfixed by the image of the Cluster on the holo viewer, a thought came to Ellis. He almost didn’t believe it was his own, it seemed so ridiculous. If the Cluster could communicate with him, maybe he could communicate with it. His only clue as to how lay in the fact that at Sufiro, the Cluster seemed to speak to his very emotions.

The bridge crew sat tense, watching nervously as the Martha’s Vineyard and the Barbara Firebrandt performed their excruciatingly slow ballet in space. The freighter gradually became visible on the viewer. A few words appeared in the field, indicating that Rubin had touched thrusters to bring the destroyer in front of the freighter.

As they crept toward the freighter, Ellis began to reason that he might be able to communicate with the Cluster if he emoted hard enough at it. “Bah,” he said to himself, smoke escaping his lips. “What am I, some kind of damned actor?” Still, he thought, what harm would come in trying it. Ellis took one last draw on the cigar and reached behind him, placing the butt in the incinerator. He sat forward, staring at the hypnotic image. He filled his mind with sensations of warmth, peace and love. He imagined projecting those images at the Cluster.

A flash of intense green light appeared on the screen followed by blinding white light. “Report,” barked Ellis, standing. Suddenly, Ellis collapsed to the deck, his head hitting the metal grating with a sickening thud.

* * * *

Mark Ellis found himself in a room, not unlike one in the house in which he grew up. The room was cluttered with things ancient and antique. On shelves, he saw Egyptian alabaster urns next to a brass sextant. A Roman shield leaned against a nineteenth century wooden icebox in the middle of the floor. Ellis turned, feeling a presence in the room.

Sitting on a bright red velvet couch, that looked to be French, was a woman with black hair and piercing green eyes. She seemed to be wearing nothing, but for some reason Ellis couldn’t get a clear view of her. Straight black hair covered her breasts and antiques obscured the rest. Only the unnaturally bright green eyes stood out clearly.

The commander turned at the sound of someone entering. “Dad!” he whispered, before he saw the figure. He had to steady himself on a treadle sewing machine as he turned. His father stood, just like Ellis last remembered seeing him, a stocky man, his hair cut short, wearing the trim suit of a Mao Corporation captain.

The woman stood and slunk, cat-like, to Jerome Ellis. She felt his arms, as though evaluating their strength. With a nod of approval, she kissed him lightly on the cheek. Mark Ellis sucked in air as he watched his father dissolve into ashes before his eyes.

“No!” he cried. He stood and tried to move toward the woman, but found his feet fixed in place. Instead, the woman turned toward him. Effortlessly, she moved heavy antique furniture out of her way. The commander sobbed, feeling helpless as she approached. However, as she came closer, he felt warmth and tenderness, much like the feeling he had at Sufiro. Ellis calmed down. The woman vanished, but Ellis turned to find her standing right behind him. Lithe arms reached out and embraced the commander. Terrified, he found his hands moving to the small of her back, as though under their own power. Continuing downward, his hands grasped cold buttocks.

By all appearances, her body should be supple and soft as she pressed against him. Instead, it was hard like marble and just as unyielding. A cold chill moved up the commander’s spine. He saw her lips approach his, almost in slow motion. As she pulled his head closer, he sensed raw power and intelligence. Desire to help her washed over him. Fear crept back through the desire, though, and he tried in vain to pull back. She planted a cold, firm kiss on his mouth.

… Continued…

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Children of the Old Stars
(Book 2, Old Star New Earth )
by David Lee Summers
5 rave reviews

Kindle Price: 99 cents!