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KND Freebies: Sweet and sexy BURSTING WITH LOVE by NY Times bestselling author Melissa Foster is featured in today’s Free Kindle Nation Shorts excerpt

***KINDLE STORE BESTSELLER***
in Contemporary Romance Fiction…

and 137 rave reviews!LOVE IN BLOOM
Voted Best Book Series of 2013 by Supportive Business Moms, UK

A steamy, emotional contemporary romance by New York Times and USA Today bestselling author Melissa Foster…

“The whole Love in Bloom series is pretty amazing, but Bursting with Love just blew me away.  It’s sweet and heartbreaking and sexy…one of the best romances I’ve ever read.”

Don’t miss it while it’s 50% off the regular price!

Bursting with Love (Love in Bloom: The Bradens, Book Five) Contemporary Romance (Love in Bloom: The Bradens 8)

by Melissa Foster

Bursting with Love (Love in Bloom:  The Bradens, Book Five)  Contemporary Romance (Love in Bloom: The Bradens 8)

4.7 stars – 145 Reviews
Text-to-Speech and Lending: Enabled
Here’s the set-up:

After having her heart broken by a country music star, Savannah Braden has sworn off men. She takes a break from her fast-paced Manhattan lifestyle for a weekend at a survivor camp to rebuild her confidence and readjust her priorities. But when she meets the handsome guide, Jack Remington, she’s drawn to everything about him–from his powerful physique to his brooding stare–despite the big chip on his shoulder. Powerless to ignore the heated glances and mounting sexual tension, Savannah begins to reassess her hasty decision.

After losing his wife in a tragic accident, Jack Remington found solace in the Colorado Mountains. This solitary existence allows him to wallow in his guilt and punish himself for having made a decision that he believes cost his wife her life. He never expected to want to return to the life he once knew–but then again, he never expected to meet gorgeous, stubborn, and competitive Savannah Braden.

One passionate kiss is all it takes to crack the walls the two have built to protect themselves, and allow love to slip in. While Jack fights his way through his guilt, and struggles to get back into the lives of those he left behind, Savannah is there to help him heal, and together they nurture hope that they’ve finally found their forever loves.

Please note: This book contains adult content. Not meant for readers under 18 years of age.

5-star praise for Bursting with Love:

“I can’t praise Melissa Foster’s writing enough….She writes with such real and raw emotions that you can’t help but fall in love with the characters and story…”

“…Fantastic romance…brought tears to my eyes…”

an excerpt from

Bursting with Love
by Melissa Foster

 

Copyright © 2014 by Melissa Foster and published here with her permission

Chapter One

THE ENGINE OF the small bush plane echoed in Savannah Braden’s ears as they flew past the edge of a colorful forest and began their rapid descent into the Colorado Mountains. September didn’t get much prettier than the bursts of red, orange, yellow, and green foliage that were quickly coming into focus. The plane veered to the right and then cut left at a fast speed, shifting Savannah and the other five passengers in their seats. Savannah clung to the armrest and looked out the window as the dirt landing strip came into view. The too-short landing strip. She’d been flying her whole life, and never had she seen such a short landing strip. Great. I’m gonna die before I even get to clear my head. She hadn’t seen the pilot’s face before takeoff, and now all she could make out was the back of his wavy brown hair, thick headphones over his ears, and a black T-shirt stretched tight over burly shoulders. She wondered what the man who was going to kill her looked like—and why the hell he thought he could land on a freaking Band-Aid–sized landing strip.

The couple in the seats across from her appeared far too calm in their hemp clothing and scuffed boots. They’d introduced themselves as Elizabeth and Lou Merriman, and they were traveling with their six-year-old son, Aiden. They seemed pleasant enough, but Savannah couldn’t help staring at the reddish brown dreadlocks that hung past their shoulders, as if it weren’t hair at all but thick, clumpy strands of the same prickly rope her father used back home on his ranch in Weston, Colorado.

“Do you mind?”

“Oh, sorry,” Savannah said, pulling her clenched fingers from the armrest that separated her from the younger, sullen man next to her with his tuque pulled down low and his shoulders rounded forward. He hadn’t said two words to her the whole flight, and she wondered if he was escaping civility and had sworn off the opposite sex, too.

Savannah’s emotions were fried after finding her on-again off-again celebrity boyfriend, Connor Dean, in bed with another woman—again. Her eyes stung as she remembered the evening their relationship had come to a stormy end. A final end. On the recommendation of an article she’d read about how to reclaim one’s life after a breakup, she’d taken Friday off of work to go on this damn four-day survival retreat that the article touted as The best way to regain your confidence and reprioritize your life! The timing had been perfect. There was no way she was ever going back to Connor, and in order to accomplish that, she had to get the hell out of the Manhattan. Connor was just charming enough to make her forget that she deserved more than a guy who still acted like a high school jock, always looking for the next good lay.

The plane descended rapidly, and Savannah pulled her seat belt tighter across her hips and closed her eyes. She felt her stomach flip and twist as the engines rumbled in agony. Then the wheels of the plane made contact with the dirt and the brakes screeched, sending her forward, then slamming her back against the seat.

“Shit!” Savannah’s eyes flew open. Everyone looked at her: the granola couple and their young son, and of course attitude boy sitting next to her. Everyone except Josie, the young woman who sat across the aisle behind Elizabeth and Lou. She had her eyes clenched shut and was white-knuckling the armrest. I should have sat next to her.

“Sorry,” Savannah said with a cringe.

Savannah looked out the window, and the landing strip was a good fifty feet behind them, but at least they were alive.

Maybe this was a mistake.

The engine silenced, and the other passengers stood and stretched. Elizabeth and Lou collected Aiden and smiled like they hadn’t just seen their lives pass before their eyes. What is wrong with them?

Josie squealed, “We made it!”

The guy with the tuque shook his head, and Savannah prayed she wouldn’t pass out from her racing heart.

The pilot craned his neck as he glanced back over his shoulder and removed his headphones. Savannah caught a quick glimpse of the most handsome, rugged face and piercing eyes she’d ever seen before he turned back around and she was left staring at the back of his thick head of hair again.

A thrill rushed through her.

Maybe this wasn’t a mistake after all.

In the next breath, she realized he was the man she’d seen in the airport when she was racing to catch the plane and had fallen on her ass, sending her bags flying across the corridor. He’d been cold and standoffish—and far too handsome.

I’m fucked.

 

PILOT AND SURVIVAL guide Jack Remington sat in the cockpit of the small bush plane with a knot in his gut. He’d been so conflicted about where his life was headed that the last thing he needed was for his body to suddenly remember what a woman was. For two years, he hadn’t looked at a single woman—had never felt a twinge of interest since his wife, Linda, died in a car accident. Then, today of all days, when he was running late and already pissed after having driven past the scene of her accident, he saw that gorgeous woman with auburn hair flat on her ass in the airport. He’d wanted to walk right by her, and when she rose to her feet, he just about did. But when he’d gotten close enough to really see her, he noticed a competitive streak in her eyes, and behind that determination, he’d seen something soft and lovely. Damn it. I don’t need soft and lovely. He pushed the image of her away and allowed his anger to turn inward again. Once he felt the familiar fire in his chest, he opened the door.

The first thing he did when he stepped of the plane was touch the earth. His earth. Jack considered every blade of grass, every tree, every bush, and every stream on this particular mountain to be his personal possession. Not in the legal sense, but in his heart. It was this land that had helped him to heal after Linda’s death. Hell, that was a lie. He hadn’t yet healed. But at least he was capable of functioning again—sort of. He still couldn’t sleep inside the chalet in Bedford, New York, that he and Linda had shared. He returned to the house only once or twice a month to make sure partying teenagers or vandals had not broken in. And on those nights, he slept on the back deck and showered in the outdoor shower. He spent most of the last two years in the safety and solitude of his rustic cabin—the cabin even his family didn’t know about—set on two hundred acres in the Colorado mountains.

Last night, however, Jack had stayed at the chalet because of the early flight this morning, and before leaving the house, he’d sat out front with his motorcycle engine roaring beneath him, reminding him that he was still alive. When he’d reached the bottom of his steep driveway, instead of turning left as he always had, he looked right toward the site of Linda’s accident. Eighty-seven paces. Less than three seconds from our driveway.  Flashes of painful memories had attacked, and he’d gritted his teeth against the gnawing in his gut. It should have been me.

In one breath he wanted to leave behind the guilt and the anger of having lost her and move forward. He missed seeing his brothers, sisters, and parents. He missed hearing their voices, sharing the details of their lives, and he even missed their loud family dinners. In the next breath he pushed the idea of finding a path back to them into the dark recesses of his mind and allowed the familiar anger and guilt to wrap its claws around him and seed in his mind, tightening each one of his powerful muscles, before he revved his engine and sped away. Jack didn’t know the first thing about moving on, and no matter how much he might want to, he wasn’t sure he ever would.

He turned and surveyed this weekend’s group of yuppies-turned-survivalists with their nervous smiles and eyes that danced with possibilities. He’d been running survival training retreats as a means of remaining at least a little connected to civilization, and though Jack had plenty of money, the extra income made him feel like he was a productive member of society. He looked over his new students, silently mustering the energy to be civil and patient.

Lou and Elizabeth Merriman stood behind their young son, Aiden, each with one hand on his shoulder.  A granola family. He knew from their registration form that they lived a green lifestyle, Elizabeth homeschooled little towheaded Aiden, and they were vegans. They were there to make an impression on their young son. He’d had enough granola families attend his survival camps to know that they all thought they had the answers to life and health, when the reality was that they had no damn answers at all. It wasn’t the answers about life he was concerned with. Jack had yet to meet anyone who could give him the answers that really mattered—the answers about death and how to deal with it.

He shifted his gaze to their left. Pratt Smith, a brooding, brown-haired artist and Josie Bales, a dark-haired beauty who taught second grade for a living. Josie played with the ends of her hair. The two twentysomethings who were traveling separately—he, for the hell of it, and she, to find herself—were trying to pretend they weren’t sizing each other up as potential hookups. Great. Jack didn’t have anything against young couples getting together, but he sure as hell wished they’d do it on their own time. His job was to bring them out into the woods, show them basic survival skills, and send them home feeling like they were Bear Grylls. The last thing he wanted to deal with was a couple sneaking into the woods seeking privacy and doing something stupid like getting lost or being eaten by a bear. And he sure as hell didn’t need the goddamn reminder of how good it felt to be in love shoved in his face every time he looked at them. Love had been off his plate since Linda died, and he wasn’t looking for a second helping.

Now, where in the hell was the goddamn woman who’d called and signed up three days ago? The pushy one who wouldn’t take no for an answer when he’d said registration had already closed. He saw boots land on the ground on the other side of the plane. She was taking her own sweet time, and they had work to do. She’d better not be a Manhattan prima donna. He’d had enough of those whiny women to last a lifetime, and he never understood why they enrolled in the weekend courses anyway.  He forced the thought away. The students paid for a guide, not a critic.

He planted his boot-clad feet in the dirt and opened his arms. “Welcome to survivor camp. You’ll notice that there is no formal name for my program, and that’s because emergencies don’t come packaged neat and tidy with cute little names. We’re preparing for survival. I’ve spoken to each of—”

“I’m sorry. The landing was a little nerve-rack—”

The woman from the airport made her way around the plane, cutting him off midsentence. As she flashed a broad smile at the others, he remembered her name. Savannah. Savannah Braden.

She glanced at Jack, and their eyes caught. Her smile faded; her green eyes narrowed. She was taller, curvier, and even more beautiful than he’d realized when he’d run into her at the airport.

Jack clenched his jaw. He cleared his throat and looked away, then continued.

“I’m Jack Remington, and I live on this land.” His eyes drifted toward Savannah and he paused, then looked away and began again. “I served eight years as a Special Forces officer with the United States Army. I can get you in and out of here alive if you listen and work together. Let’s keep the land clean and the attitudes friendly.”

His eyes swept over Savannah in one quick breath—a breath that carried hope rather than the breath that had carried the pain of loss when he’d left his home earlier that morning. She was tall and slim with auburn hair and killer breasts. Too fucking pretty. It took all his focus not to stare, and out of his peripheral vision, he watched her brush dirt from her jeans. He allowed his eyes to follow her hands as they stroked her lean thighs, and when she glanced up, he dropped his eyes to the ground. Cowgirl boots? He shifted his gaze back to the rest of the group, silently chiding himself for looking at her in the first place. How the hell was he going to keep himself from looking at that gorgeous face and killer body? Fuck. I must be losing my mind.

“Let’s get your bags. Then we’re going to hike up the mountain to base camp. If you need to go to the bathroom, the forest is your toilet.” He ran his eyes across the group, stopping short of Savannah to avoid getting lost in her again.

“Cool,” Aiden said.

“I think so.” Jack smiled at the wide-eyed boy. “I assume you all met on the plane? Got to know one another?”

“Yes, we introduced ourselves.” Lou pushed a wayward dreadlock from his shoulder. “Well, most of us, anyway.” He shot a look at Pratt.

Pratt stood with his hands in his jeans pockets, looking away from the group. Damn it. Another prick. Even as the words ran through his mind, he knew he shouldn’t be too quick to judge. Some people would consider Jack a jerk, too, and they’d be right. Some broken men were assholes, and that’s just the way it was. He made a mental note to try to talk to Pratt, but for now, he had to nip this shit in the bud.

He narrowed his gaze and spoke in his favorite cold voice—the one he usually reserved for beautiful women. He didn’t have time for them any more than he had time for a kid with a bad attitude.

“See those woods behind me?” He turned sideways, as if clearing a path for Pratt’s eyes to follow—which they didn’t. “There are bears, snakes, poisonous plants, and all sorts of scary shit out there. You may find yourself in need of someone’s help, and if you’re a di—unkind—to the group, no one’s gonna rescue you.” He crossed his arms. “I suggest you introduce yourself.”

Elizabeth and Lou exchanged a guarded glance. Then they each put a hand on Aiden’s shoulder.

Jack hadn’t caught his poor choice of words quickly enough. He knew he was being harsh, but bad attitudes caused accidents, and there was no room for accidents in his camp.

Pratt clenched his jaw and held Jack’s stare. His tall, lanky body was no match for six-four, two-hundred-thirty-pound Jack Remington, but the hurt and anger in Pratt’s eyes looked familiar, and Jack knew he wasn’t contemplating anything physical. A spear of guilt ran through him. There was no turning back now. He’d taken a hard line, and backing down would leave him in a position of lesser authority.

Savannah touched Pratt’s shoulder. She narrowed her beautiful hazel eyes and set them on Jack. Her smile remained on her lips, but behind the facade, he saw a challenge. His pulse sped up.

“Why don’t we just call him John for now?” she suggested in a firm, nonnegotiable tone.

What the hell are you doing and why? As he pondered her motives, he couldn’t help but notice the way her jeans clung to her lean legs and curved over her hips, then dipped in at the waist. And the damned tank top she wore was now spotted with perspiration and clinging to her breasts.

Look away. Look. Fucking. Away.

His eyes would not listen to his mind, and he stared right back. “This is my show and I run it my way. He’s part of the team or he’s out,” Jack said.

Savannah took a step forward and pulled her shoulders back. “What are you gonna do? Fly us all back to the airport and return our money?”

He met the challenge in her eyes with his own heated stare. “Yes.”

 

SAVANNAH’S CHEST CONSTRICTED, and a fist tightened in her stomach as goddamn Jack Remington stared her down with his black-as-night eyes. He looked like Chris Hemsworth and acted like Alec Baldwin. A wild combination of sweet and bad boy that sent a flutter of sensual excitement through her. She was not going to look away. She’d gone up against meaner wolves than him in the courtroom. She crossed her arms and planted her legs like her brother Rex might do. She’d mastered the Braden stance for the courtroom and on the rare occasion of going head-to-head with some asshole on the subway. She could do it just as well as her brothers, even if her legs were feeling a tad rubbery at the moment.

Remington didn’t budge. His face was a stone mask of clenched muscles and strength. Savannah felt the worried gaze of the others upon her. She was just about to give in when Pratt stepped forward.

“Pratt, okay? I’m Pratt Smith. Twenty-eight, an artist, and I’m here to…hell…I don’t know. Do something different for a few days. Now can we get on with it?” He looked away from the group.

Jack’s stare had not wavered from Savannah’s, and she knew that if she was the first to look away, just like in court, he’d win. She remained steadfast, though it was difficult not to allow her eyes to drift to the muscles that bulged in his arms.

Pratt picked up his backpack and headed for the woods. Jack grabbed Pratt’s arm and held tight, finally disengaging from his eye lock with Savannah.

“No one hits that trail ahead of me,” Jack said.

Savannah fumed. It was one thing to gain control of a situation and another to be an asshole all the time. Obviously, Pratt was going through something emotional. Why couldn’t ice-hearted Jack see that? Jack wasn’t her problem to fix, and by the sound of him, he needed a lot of fixing. I’m here to fix myself. That’s enough of a challenge.

“We have safety instructions to go over, itineraries, and guidelines. Settle down, and let’s get started.” For the next hour, Jack explained the danger of the mountains—including everything from wild animals and poisonous plants to treacherous cliffs and harsh weather. “You will each carry your gear and your tents. If you can’t carry them, you won’t have them to use. If you don’t like the food, then you’ll drop a few pounds while you’re here. Memorize the laws of three. A person can live only three minutes without air, three days without water, and three weeks without food. Got that?” He didn’t wait for an answer. “Now, for the rules. Rule number one: Never put anything in your mouth without clearing it with me first. Rule number two…”

As he explained the guidelines, trail safety, trail hygiene, and other details Savannah was sure were important, she couldn’t concentrate. She couldn’t help but scrutinize their leader. He spoke with a deep, commanding voice—one that made her wonder what it might sound like in a dark bedroom. No matter who or what he looked at, whether it was one of the others in the group or a plant he was pointing out, his gaze was so intense that it made Savannah shiver. Attached to his belt was a long leather sheath with a black knife handle sticking out of the top. Danger. That’s what came to mind when Savannah looked at Jack Remington. Even as she drank in every inch of his rock-hard body, he never shifted his eyes in her direction. In fact, he hadn’t looked at her since the one quick inspection he’d given her when she’d first come around the plane. Savannah was used to men taking a second glance at her. At five nine, she was hard to miss, but to not even garner a second glance? That rubbed her in all the wrong ways.

“How far are we walking today?” she asked.

Jack answered while looking at Aiden. “Three miles, and the only one that’s allowed to get tired is Aiden, and if he does, as we discussed”—Jack lifted his eyes to Lou and Lou nodded—“his mother or father will have to carry him.” He put a large hand on Aiden’s shoulder. “You hear that, buddy? If you get tired, your parents will have to carry you, and that’s a hard job, getting up this mountain, so can you be strong?”

Aiden nodded.

Jack’s cheeks lifted, and his smile brightened his eyes and softened his harsh edges. “Of course you can.”

Maybe you do have a softer side.

He addressed Elizabeth and Lou. “There’s no cell service up here. We talked about this, and you know the risks. It’s your job to keep track of Aiden at all times, not mine or anyone else’s. Got it?”

So much for the softer side. You really are a jerk.

Ten minutes later, they were making their way through the dense woods. Though they entered through what looked like a trail, the flattened landscape had faded fast, and Savannah had no idea how Jack could possibly know where they were headed. They were in the midst of two hundred thousand acres with no cell phone service with a guy who didn’t know empathy from apathy. How on earth would she heal herself when being led by someone like him? She reminded herself that one of the main reasons she’d chosen this particular camp was that there would be no cellular service. If Connor couldn’t reach her, he couldn’t try to lure her back. Whether Jack’s a jerk or not, I’m going to succeed, and when I get home, I’ll be stronger for it.

She’d never been particularly lucky in love, and after watching four out of five of her brothers find their forever loves over the recent months, she longed for more. If her brothers knew how Connor had treated her, they wouldn’t care that she was a thirty-four-year-old woman who could take care of herself. They would go after him without an ounce of hesitation—then they’d console her. It was after the consoling that worried her, when they’d look at her with pity in their eyes, not understanding how their bullheaded, smart-ass sister could ever allow a man to treat her that way. That was why she never told them. It’s complicated. That had been her stance on her relationship with Connor.

Other attorneys had gone so far as to call her Bulldog Braden because she was relentless in the pursuit of right and wrong. So why can’t I be that relentless when it comes to my heart? This trip was supposed to help her climb back into the armor she’d once worn and never allow herself to be treated that way again. She eyed Jack Remington as he pushed through thick branches and stomped over fallen trees. His muscles glistened against the afternoon sun. So what if he’s hot? He’s probably a bigger ass than Connor. And if she read the shadows in his eyes correctly, he was also dangerous. A bad combination for a girl on the rebound. She thought about the article that had made this weekend sound like the perfect remedy for women who had lost their edge. Stupid article. There was no doubt that this trip was a mistake.
              A big, giant mistake.

… Continued…

Download the entire book now to continue reading on Kindle!

by Melissa Foster
4.7 stars – 145 reviews!
Special Kindle Price: $1.99!
(reduced from $3.99 for limited time only)

KND Freebies: Bestselling heartwarming novel THE COLOR OF A DREAM is featured in today’s Free Kindle Nation Shorts excerpt

***KINDLE STORE BESTSELLER***
Literature & Fiction/Family Life…
and 48 straight rave reviews!

From award-winning and USA Today bestselling author Julianne MacLean comes this emotionally charged tale of a young woman who has fought hard to survive a heart transplant, but soon finds that her new heart is engaged in another battle altogether…

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The Color of a Dream (The Color of Heaven Series Book 4)

by Julianne MacLean
The Color of a Dream (The Color of Heaven Series Book 4)
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4.9 stars – 48 reviews!
Text-to-Speech and Lending: Enabled
Here’s the set-up:

Nadia Carmichael has had a lifelong run of bad luck. It begins on the day she is born, when she is separated from her identical twin sister and put up for adoption. Twenty-seven years later, not long after she is finally reunited with her twin and is expecting her first child, Nadia falls victim to a mysterious virus and requires a heart transplant.

Now recovering from the surgery with a new heart, Nadia is haunted by a recurring dream that sets her on a path to discover the identity of her donor. Her efforts are thwarted, however, when the father of her baby returns to sue for custody of their child. It’s not until Nadia learns of his estranged brother Jesse that she begins to explore the true nature of her dreams, and discover what her new heart truly needs and desires…

5-star praise for The Color of a Dream:

Outstanding Series!!!
“These books are so well written on many levels…I can’t wait for the next book to come out!!!”

must read series!
“…The author does a fantastic job of bringing a little of each previous book into the ones that follow but making each story feel like a completely different book. Believable characters and story lines…”

an excerpt from

The Color Of A Dream

by Julianne MacLean

 

Copyright © 2014 by Julianne MacLean and published here with her permission

Prologue

Jesse Vincent Fraser

 

Sometimes it’s difficult to believe that coincidences are simply that: coincidences.

How could it be that easy when the most unlikely events occur and we find ourselves connecting with others in ways that can only be described as magical?

Until recently, I didn’t believe in that sort of thing—that fate, destiny, or magic played any part in the outcome of a man’s life. I always believed that what happened to me later, when I became a husband and father, resulted from the decisions and choices I made along the way, with a little luck—good or bad—tossed into the pot for good measure.

Things are different for me now. How can I not believe in something more, when what happened to me still feels like a dream?

It’s not difficult to pinpoint the exact moment when my world began to shift and all the puzzle pieces began to slide into place. It was a month before Christmas almost twenty years ago. A heavy, wet snow had just begun to fall.

I was fourteen years old, and it was the day I began to hate my older brother.

 

Chapter One

 

Some people said we lived in the middle of nowhere because the road wasn’t paved and ours was the only house for many miles.

I didn’t think it was nowhere. I liked where we lived on the distant outskirts of a quaint little town where our father was the only dentist.

I suppose it was a bit remote. Once you drove past our house, which stood at the top of a grassy hill with pine trees behind it, you reached a bend in the road and were suddenly surrounded by thick forest on either side. It was extremely dark at night.

That didn’t stop people from speeding, however, because it was the only alternate route between our town and the next and there were plenty of country folk who preferred to avoid the interstate. Partly because our road provided a more direct route into town, but mainly because it was where the bootleggers lived. If you wanted liquor after hours—or if you were underage—a fifteen-mile drive down a deserted gravel road was only a minor inconvenience.

More than a few times, we were awakened in the night by drunks who drove into the ditch where the road took a sharp turn not far from our home. We always left our outdoor lights on all night, so we were the first house they staggered to. Luckily, the ones who came to our door were always polite and happy drunks. There hadn’t been any fatalities and my father never refused to let them use the phone to call a tow truck.

The event that changed my relationship with my brother, however, occurred in the bright cold light of day during the month of November, and we weren’t coming from the bootlegger’s shack. We were on our way home from a high school football game where we’d just slaughtered the rival team—thanks to my brother Rick, who was captain and star quarterback.

Earlier in the day, Rick had been coerced by our mother to let me tag along to the game. Now he was dropping me off at home so that he and his buddies could go celebrate.

 

* * *

As we turned left onto the gravel road, the tires skidded and dust rose up in a thick cloud behind us. Rick was doing the driving and I was sandwiched into the back seat between two keyed up linebackers.

“Did you see the look on the other coach’s face when you scored that first touchdown?” one of them said. “We were only five minutes into the game. I think that’s when he knew it was going to get ugly.”

“Ugly for them, but not for us,” Greg said from the front seat. He high-fived Rick, who lay on the horn five or six times.

The car fishtailed on the loose gravel as he picked up speed, eager to get rid of me no doubt.

“Hey,” Greg said, turning to speak over his shoulder to Jeff, the linebacker to my right. “What are you going to do if Penny’s there?”

I may have been only fourteen years old, but I’d heard all the gossip surrounding the senior players on the team. They were like celebrities in our town and if the school could have published a tabloid, these guys would have been on the front cover every week.

“She better not be there,” Jeff replied, referring to the house party they were going to as soon as they dropped me off. “She knows we’re done.”

“She won’t take no for an answer, that one,” Rick said.

“He speaks from experience,” Greg added, facing forward again.

Everyone knew the story. Penny dated my brother for three months the year before, but when she got too lovey-dovey he broke it off with her. She wouldn’t stop calling him though. Then she had a minor mental breakdown and lost a lot of weight before her parents finally admitted her to the hospital. She was out of school for a month.

This year, she’d set her sights on Jeff and they’d had a brief fling a few weeks ago. Now he was avoiding her and everyone said he had a thing for some girl in the eleventh grade who just broke up with her longtime boyfriend. I heard he went off to college in September, joined a fraternity and decided he didn’t want to be tied down anymore. She was heartbroken and Jeff wanted to step in and lift her spirits.

We all knew what that meant.

I felt sorry for her. I also felt sorry for Penny, who kept getting her heart stomped on and would probably end up in the hospital again. From where I stood at the sidelines, it seemed obvious that she should steer clear of the football team and maybe join the science club instead, but girls just didn’t seem to go for guys like me who were good at math. They liked big muscles and stardom. Even if it was only small town stardom.

We drove past the Johnson’s hayfield and I wondered what the cows thought of the dust cloud we were creating as we sped up the gravel road.

When at last our large white house came into view at the top of the hill, Rick didn’t slow down and I wondered how he was going to make the turn onto our tree-lined driveway.

That was the moment I spotted Francis—our eleven-year-old golden lab—charging down the hill to greet us.

Chapter Two

 

I grabbed hold of the seat in front of me and pulled myself out of my sandwiched position between Jeff and Rob.

“Slow down,” I said to Rick. “Francis got loose.”

What was he doing out of the house? I wondered. Our parents weren’t home. They’d left early that morning to visit my grandmother. Rick was the last one to leave the house and before that I was sure I’d seen Francis asleep on his bed in the family room as I walked out.

“I’m not slowing down,” Rick said. “We’re already late for the party, thanks to you.”

It all seemed to happen in slow motion after that…as I watched Francis gallop down the hill, his ears flopping. The sound of our tires speeding over the packed dirt and gravel was thunderous in my ears.

“I think you better slow down!” I shouted, hitting Rick on the shoulder.

“Shut up,” he said. “He’s not stupid. He’ll stop when he gets closer.”

My heart rose up in my throat as our two paths converged. I prayed that Rick was right about Francis knowing enough to stop when he reached the road.

Then whack!—the horrendous sound of the vehicle colliding with my dog.

Only then did Rick slam on the brakes. “Shit!”

“Did you just hit your dog?” Jeff asked as the car skidded sideways to a halt and we were all tossed forward in our seats.

“Lemme out!” I cried as I scrambled over Jeff’s lap.

Rick was quicker to open his door and leap out to see what had happened.

My whole body burned with terror at the sight of Francis, more than ten yards back, lying still at the edge of the road.
Chapter Three

 

I ran to Francis as fast as my legs would carry me and dropped to my knees. I laid my hands on his belly, rubbed them over the contours of his ribs and shoulder blades.

“Francis!” I cried, but he didn’t move.

Rick shoved me aside. “Move Jesse! Let me check him!”

I was practically hyperventilating as I stood up, only vaguely aware of the other three guys coming to take a look.

“Is he okay?” I asked, while Rick pressed his ear to Francis’s chest to listen for a heartbeat. Then he put his fingers to Francis’s nose. “Shit!” he shouted. “He’s dead.”

“What? No! He can’t be!” I dropped to my knees again and laid my head on Francis’s side. There were no signs of life. I stared at his belly, willing it to rise and fall. I needed to see him breathing, to know it wasn’t true.

“Maybe we should take him to the vet!” I pleaded, unable to accept what I knew to be true. “Maybe they can save him!”

“It’s too late,” Rick said. “He’s gone.”

The words, spoken so straightforwardly, made my eyes fill up with tears while blood rushed to my head. My temples began to throb.

“Why didn’t you slow down?” I demanded to know. “He was running straight for us.”

“I didn’t think he’d hit us,” Rick explained.

“What a stupid dog,” Greg said.

“He’s not stupid!” I sobbed. Then I stood up and slammed my open palms into Greg’s chest to shove him away. He was built like a tank, however, and barely took a step back.

“Settle down,” Rick said, hitting me in the shoulder and shoving me.

“This is all your fault!” I cried. “And what was he doing outside? Didn’t you shut the door when you left?”

He stared at me for a long moment, then shoved me again. “This isn’t my fault. It’s your fault, jerk, because we wouldn’t even be here if Mom didn’t force me to drag you along. We wouldn’t be late for the party. We’d be there right now, and Francis wouldn’t be…”

Thank God he stopped himself, because I don’t know what I would have done if he’d finished that sentence. Actually said the word.

Still, to this day, I fantasize about tackling Rick in that moment and punching him in the head.

But my anger was tempered by grief. I felt as if I were dissolving into a thousand pieces. I swung around and sank to my knees again, gathered my beloved dog—we’d had him since I was three years old—into my arms and wept uncontrollably.

“Jesus,” Jeff said. “What are we gonna do? We can’t just leave him here.”

“No,” Rick agreed. “We’ll have to take him up to the house.”

I felt his hand on my shoulder and this time he spoke more gently.

“Come on Jesse. We have to get him off the road. Help me lift him. We’ll put him in the car.”

I glanced back at my father’s blue sedan. “How?” I asked, wiping at my tears with the back of my hand.

“We’ll put him in the trunk.”

“The trunk?” I replied. “No. He can’t be in there alone.”

“It’s the only way,” Rick replied. “We’ll cover him with the blanket. Now get up and help me. Guys? You gotta help too. He’s gonna be heavy.”

Each breath I took was a hellish, shuddering ordeal as I slid my hands under Francis’s torso and raised him up. He was limp and it took four of us to carry him to the car. In hindsight, we should have backed the car up closer, but we were all pretty shaken. Well, at least I was shaken, and I can only assume Rick was as well, though he certainly didn’t show it. Maybe it was because his friends were there. He seemed more irritated than anything else.

Awkwardly we placed Francis in the trunk and Rick covered him with the green plaid blanket my father always kept on hand in case we got stranded in a snow storm.

“Stop crying,” Rick said as he shut the trunk. “It’s over now and we can’t do anything to change it.”

I felt the other guys staring at me as if I was a wimp, but I didn’t care. I opened the car door and got into the front seat, forcing the other three to pile into the back together. I’m sure they weren’t happy about it, but they had the sense not to object.

Before Rick got in, he went around to the front of the car to check for damage.

“How’s it looking?” Jeff asked when Rick got in.

“The fender’s dented.”

“At least it’s just the fender,” Greg replied. “You won’t even need to tell the insurance company. You can just hammer that out.”

Rick started up the engine. This time, he drove slowly as he turned up our driveway and began the long journey up the hill.

I could barely think. I felt like I was floating in cold water, bobbing up and down while waves splashed in my face. I had to suck in great gulps of air whenever I could.

At last we reached the house and everyone got out of the car. I have no memory of the next few minutes. All I recall is sinking down onto the cool grass in our front yard next to Francis while Rick stood over us.

“We have to go,” he said. “When Dad gets home, make sure you tell him it was an accident and that Francis came out of nowhere.”

“But he didn’t,” I replied.

“Jesus, he was running like a bat out of hell.”

He was just excited to see us, I thought, as I ran my hand over Francis’s smooth coat.

“You better tell him it was an accident,” Rick warned me as he returned to the car, “because you were there, too, and this wouldn’t have happened if you weren’t.”

“I told you to slow down,” I insisted.

“No, you didn’t.”

“Yes, I did.”

“It’s your word against mine,” Rick said, pausing before he got into the car, “and I have witnesses. On top of that, I’m pretty sure you were the last one to leave the house, remember? Mom’s always telling you to shut the back door.”

It wasn’t true. I hadn’t left the door open. I was waiting in the car when Rick came out with his gear slung over his shoulder, running late as usual.

I couldn’t wait to tell my father the whole story when he got home. And I was going to tell the truth, whether Rick liked it or not.
Chapter Four

 

I’d always suspected that Rick was my father’s favorite. He was his firstborn child after all, my father’s namesake—though my father went by Richard.

When you compared Rick and me, I realized it must have been difficult for my mother to pretend I was as special as him because he excelled at everything he did. He was good looking and popular, he played a number of sports equally well, and he possessed a fierce charisma that seemed to put most people in some sort of hypnotic state. Every other person in a room seemed to disappear when Rick walked into it. All eyes turned to him and everyone was mesmerized. He knew all the right things to say, especially to grownups, and everyone who met him was suitably impressed.

‘You sure hit a home run with that boy, Richard,’ friends of my father would say when they came over to the house—or ‘He’s going to be a heartbreaker,’ women said to my mother at the supermarket.

I suppose I was invisible in the glare of such perfection, but to be honest, I didn’t mind because I was a bit of an introvert, which was why I didn’t go seeking a spotlight by trying out for sports teams or running for student council. I was quite content to sit quietly in the corner of a room while Rick carried on conversations or told stories that made everyone laugh.

Naturally he was voted most likely to succeed during his senior year of high school—which turned out to be a good prediction because he ended up working in LA as a sports agent, earning millions from celebrity clients.

But that came much later. I shouldn’t be skipping ahead when you probably want to know what happened when my parents came home and found me huddled in the front yard with Francis in my arms.

Chapter Five

 

It was dark by the time they drove up the tree-lined drive. I should have at least gone into the house to get a warmer jacket at some point, because it was late November in Connecticut and near the freezing point on that particular day after the sun went down. But I didn’t want to leave Francis, so I sat there shivering in my light windbreaker until the car headlights nearly blinded me.

My mother was first to get out of the car. “Oh my God, what happened?” She strode toward me and crouched down, laid her hand on Francis’s shoulder.

“Rick hit him with the car,” I explained as my father approached. He’d left the headlights on.

My rage had been boiling up inside me for nearly two hours and I’m not sure what I sounded like. I think I might have achieved more if I’d remained calm and rational, but I was fourteen years old and didn’t possess Rick’s clever way with people.

“He murdered him!” I shouted.

“Who murdered who?” my father asked with growing concern.

“Rick killed Francis. He drove right into him, even when I told him not to.”

“That can’t be true,” Mom said, looking up at my father who glared down at me with derision. “Rick loves Francis. He would never do something like that. Certainly not intentionally.”

“You’re not making any sense, Jesse,” my father said in his deep, booming voice. “You’re upset, which is understandable, but accidents happen.”

He knelt down and stroked Francis’s head. “Poor boy. How long ago did it happen?”

“A couple of hours,” I replied.

“And you’ve been out here with him all this time?” my mother asked, laying a sympathetic hand on my cheek.

I nodded, grateful for her gentle warmth in light of my father’s severity.

She looked down at Francis and rubbed his side. I could see her eyes tearing up.

“Did he suffer at all?” she asked.

“I don’t think so,” I replied. “It happened really fast. As soon as we got out of the car, Rick said he was dead.”

My father’s eyes lifted and he regarded me from beneath those bushy dark brows. “How did he get loose? Did you leave the door open again?”

“No! I swear I didn’t! It was Rick! It had to have been.”

My parents exchanged a look and I knew they didn’t believe me.

“Well,” my mother said gently, “whatever happened, we can’t change it now and we can’t bring Francis back. This was a terrible accident, Jesse, but you mustn’t punish yourself. It’s no one’s fault.”

Why did everyone seem to think it was me? That I was the one who had something to answer for?

“Yes, it is someone’s fault,” I argued. “It’s Rick’s, because he was driving.”

“Now, see here,” my father scolded. “I won’t hear talk like that. If Francis got out of the house, it could have happened to any of us. It was an accident and if I hear you say otherwise to your brother, you’ll have to answer to me. He must feel guilty enough as it is. Do you understand?”

“But it was his fault,” I pleaded. “He was driving too fast and I told him to slow down but he wouldn’t.”

My father’s eyes darkened. “Did you not hear what I just said to you?”

I’d been raised to respect and obey my father—and to fear him. We all did, even Mom. So I nodded to indicate that yes, I’d heard what he said.

That didn’t mean I had to believe he was right.
Chapter Six

 

Rick didn’t come home that night. He slept at Greg’s so it was left to me to help Dad bury Francis at the edge of the yard under the big oak tree. My mother suggested the spot because it was visible from the top floor windows of the house, and I agreed it was the right place.

It was ten o’clock by the time we finished. I was so exhausted afterwards, I went straight to bed, but I hardly slept a wink all night. What happened that day had been a terrible ordeal and I couldn’t stop replaying all the vivid images in my mind: Francis bounding down the hill to greet us; the sound of our car striking him; then finally the eerie sight of my father shoveling dirt on top of him while I held the flashlight.

I imagined we must have hit Francis in the head with the car, which was why he died so quickly. At least, if that was the case, he probably felt no pain.

That thought provided me with some comfort, though I couldn’t overcome the white-hot rage I felt every time I remembered how Rick stood over me in the yard blaming me for what happened.

That perhaps was the real reason I couldn’t sleep. My body was on fire with adrenaline, and I wanted to hit something.
Chapter Seven

 

I woke late the next morning, having finally drifted off into a deep slumber sometime before dawn. Sleepily, I rose from bed, used the washroom, and padded downstairs to the kitchen in my pajamas.

“Mom?”

My voice never echoed back to me in the kitchen before and the implications of that fact caused a lump to form in my throat.

“Mom? Dad? Is anyone here?”

When no answer came, I went to the front hall and looked out the window. Both cars were parked in the driveway, which meant Rick had come home.

“Rick?” I climbed the stairs to check his room, but it was empty and the bed was made.

Suddenly it occurred to me where everyone must be and a feeling of panic swept over me. I hurried to the window in Rick’s room, which looked out over the back field and apple orchard, and sure enough, there they were, my mother, father and Rick, all standing over Francis’s grave.

I had no idea what was going on out there, but I felt very left out. Without bothering to get dressed, I hurried downstairs, pulled on a pair of rain boots and a jacket, and ran out the back door.

* * *

It was not one of my finer moments. I will admit that. When I reached my family, I shouted at all of them accusingly.

“What are you doing out here? Why didn’t you wake me?”

My mother turned and looked at me with concern. “You seemed so tired last night, Jesse. I thought you could use some extra sleep.”

“If this is Francis’s funeral,” I said, “I should be here.”

“It’s not his funeral,” my father informed me, impatiently. “Rick just got home and he wanted to see where we buried Francis.”

“He was my dog, too,” Rick said with a frown, as if I was being selfish.

Maybe I was, but I was only fourteen and I was grief-stricken and angry.

“Come here,” Rick said, holding out his hand to wave me closer.

I slowly approached.

“I was thinking,” Rick said, “that we should get some sort of monument. Maybe a small headstone. I have enough in my savings account to pay for it.”

“That would be a fine gesture, Rick,” my father said, “but please let me cover the cost.”

Rick laid a hand on my shoulder. “What do you think we should have engraved on it?” he asked. “His name of course, but maybe we should come up with some sort of epitaph.”

I thought about it for a moment. “What about: Here lies Francis, beloved dog and best friend?”

My voice shook and I didn’t think I could speak again without breaking down.

“That sounds perfect,” Rick said. He looked down at me meaningfully. “I’m really sorry, Jesse. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to forgive myself.”

He closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose, as if he, too, could not speak about it anymore.

My father squeezed his shoulder and patted him on the back.
Chapter Eight
Five years later

 

“Hey, Bentley. Where’s your leash?”

Bentley’s head lifted, his ears perked up and he jumped off the sofa in the family room. I rose from my chair at the kitchen table and headed for the laundry room. With tail wagging, Bentley followed me in.

Dad waited only a month after we lost Francis before coming home one afternoon with a brand new puppy—an adorable black lab I fell in love with at first sight.

From that moment on, Bentley and I were best pals. He formed a closer bond with me than anyone else because both my parents worked and I was the first one home every afternoon to take him for a walk. I made sure his food and water bowls were always full in the mornings, and he slept on the floor in my room on a large green pillow. I loved him dearly.

After attaching the leash to Bentley’s collar, I led him out the front door. While I stood there locking the door behind me, I heard a car speed by on the road at the bottom of the hill. A few years earlier, a crew had come in and paved the road all the way to the next town, so we now had a steadier stream of traffic moving at a faster clip in front of our house. In addition to that, a number of new homes had gone up since the paving project was announced. We were no longer the only house between the main road and the bootlegger’s shack—which as far as I knew was still there.

There had been other changes to our lives as well. Rick graduated from high school with honors and received a scholarship to UCLA. He was still there, living out west, working on an MBA.

As for me, I was still living at home, working at the airport as an operations assistant until I figured out what to do with my life. My father wanted me to enroll in a science program and go to dental or medical school. I certainly had the grades for either of those options, but I just wasn’t that keen on following in my father’s footsteps. We were different, he and I, and I wanted to choose my own path. Maybe it would have something to do with aviation. I’d always had an interest in that. I just wasn’t sure yet.

That’s when I met Angela. She, too, had decided to take a year off after high school and she was working as a waitress in one of the airport restaurants. Just like seeing Bentley for the first time, it was love at first sight when she approached me in the staff parking lot, needing help because she’d locked herself out of her car. I called AAA for her and waited for them to arrive, but when she finally got into her car, the engine wouldn’t start. So after arranging to have her vehicle towed to a repair shop, I gave her a lift home.

Three weeks later, we were seeing each other every day and I was head over heels in love. I hadn’t had much experience with girls and I never imagined it could be like that, but everything about Angela suited me. She was a bit of a math geek, like me, and she hadn’t had much experience in the dating scene either. I couldn’t understand why, because I thought she was the most beautiful creature to ever walk the earth. Her hair was jet black, cut in a shoulder-length bob with bangs, and she had giant brown eyes and a soft, smooth ivory complexion. She was very petite at five-foot-three and went to yoga class three times a week. Every time I saw her, I felt like I’d been run over by a truck. She was fun and sweet and incredibly kindhearted. Bentley loved her, too.

Before long I started thinking about moving out of my parents’ house and getting a place of my own. My parents didn’t approve, of course, because they still wanted me to go to university and make something of myself.

When I brought it up at the dinner table one night, my father’s bushy eyebrows pulled together and two large vertical creases formed between them. He set down his fork and knife and leaned back in his chair.

“How will you ever go to a good school if you’re tied down to some waitress here in town, struggling to pay your rent every month?” he asked.

“Maybe I don’t want to go to a good school,” I defiantly replied. “Maybe I just want to keep working at the airport.” My mother fidgeted uncomfortably and her eyes pleaded for me to walk away from this one.

He scoffed at me, as if I were a fool. “Believe me, when the shine wears off of this exciting new relationship and you’re stuck in a dead end job, arguing with that girl about how you’re going to pay the phone bill, you’ll feel differently, and you’ll wish you had listened to me.”

“Maybe so,” I replied, “but it’s my life and I’m not a kid anymore. I’m nineteen and you have to let me make my own decisions.”

He and Mom exchanged a look, as if they were carrying on a mental conversation I wasn’t privileged to be a part of.

Then Mom leaned across the table and clasped my hand. “Jesse, it’s not that we don’t like Angela. She’s probably a very nice girl. But you’ve had so little experience in that area. How can I say this…?” She paused, then continued. “It’s important to try on some different styles and sizes before you make a commitment you can’t get yourself out of.”

She was so much gentler than my father. Nevertheless, I frowned at her. “It’s not like we’re moving in together.” Though the idea wasn’t far from my mind. Angela and I had only been seeing each other for a month, but I figured—and hoped—moving in would be the next step. For now, I just wanted a place where I could have my privacy to be with her.

My father still hadn’t picked up his fork. “Your mother’s right,” he said in that deep, reverberating voice that made everyone quiver. “You should be dating lots of girls before you settle for just one.”

“Like Rick does?” I tersely asked. I set my fork down and leaned back in my chair. “He dates all kinds of girls and manages to have a whale of a time. Do you want me to be more like him and break lots of hearts?”

“That’s not fair,” Mom said. “Rick has always worked very hard at school and sports. He’s incredibly busy and doesn’t have time for a serious relationship, that’s all.”

“And look where he is now,” my father added. “In the MBA program at Anderson Business School. He’ll have his pick of high-paying jobs the minute he steps off that campus.”

I took a deep breath and let it out because I knew this conversation was pointless. My parents wanted me to be a great “success” like Rick, but when it came right down to it, my definition of success differed from theirs. I didn’t need to make a million dollars. I didn’t want to have a series of superficial relationships with girls I had nothing in common with. I’d already found the girl who was right for me and I just wanted to be with her. It didn’t mean I was going to give up any thought of doing something more with my life. I just wanted her at my side, no matter what I chose to do.

“It’s my decision to make,” I said, pulling my napkin from my lap and tossing it onto the table. “Excuse me, Mom. I’m finished now.”

My father stared up at me with displeasure as I carried my plate to the kitchen. “Fine,” he said, “but don’t expect any help from me when you can’t pay your rent.”

“I’ll remember that.” On my way upstairs, I picked up the newspaper from the front hall so I could check out the classifieds.
Chapter Nine

 

A week later, I signed the lease on my first apartment, which came cheap because it was a mile from the airport and the roar of the planes flying overhead turned off most prospective renters. It was convenient for me, however, because I could reach work in ten minutes by bicycle, and Angela could come and stay over anytime she liked.

My dad was true to his word. He didn’t help me with anything. He didn’t let me take any of the furniture from my room—not a single item—so I had to purchase a bed and a table at yard sales. My mother couldn’t stand with me on this, but I remember the lump in my throat when she quietly slipped fifty dollars into my hand on the day I moved out.

It was Angela who helped me shop for plates and kitchen utensils, bedding and a small television set, all of which we found at second hand stores. Her parents gave me a sofa they wanted to get rid of anyway.

Ironically, the one thing my father let me take from the house was the only thing I really wanted.

He let me have Bentley.

* * *

I didn’t call my parents or speak to them for over two months. I wasn’t trying to punish them. I just had no interest in being lectured about why I was making the worst mistake of my life. So I waited it out and thought maybe, eventually, they would accept my decision and let me choose my own path.

The way I saw it, even if I was making a mistake, it was my mistake to make, and I was ready and willing to learn from it—and all the others I would likely make in the coming years.

Wasn’t that part of life? To follow your heart? Explore the unknown and engage in a little trial and error?

Angela, for the most part, agreed with me, though she worried about me losing touch with my family. She certainly didn’t want to feel responsible for that, so when a third month passed and there was still no communication, she suggested I pick up the phone.

“Call when you know your father won’t be there,” she suggested one evening while we were out walking Bentley. “How much you want to bet your mom will be thrilled to hear your voice and she won’t even tell him you called if you don’t want her to.”

I considered that. “If she wants to hear my voice, she could call me any time,” I said. “I’m in the book.”

“No, you’re not. You won’t be in the book until the next one comes out.”

“When will that be?” I asked.

“I have no idea,” she replied with a chuckle.

Bentley paused briefly to lift a leg and pee on a telephone pole, then continued on.

“I’m sure Mom knows the number for directory assistance,” I mentioned.

Playfully, Angela shoved me into the chain-link fence that ran along the sidewalk. “You’re impossible,” she said.

I bounced off the fence and returned to her side. “Yep, and that’s why you love me.”

“Is it?” she replied with mischief in her eyes. “I thought it was for another reason entirely.”

I smiled and wrapped my arm around her. We walked on, our steps in perfect unison while a giant Boeing 767 passed over our heads—taking off for some exotic location, no doubt.

The thought of what unexplored territories were over my own horizon filled me with hope and excitement. I felt like one those jetliners, finally lifting off the runway. Everything in my world seemed new and full of promise.

It’s a shame that feeling didn’t last longer. Two weeks later I was forced to come down from the clouds when my mother called with some news.

Suddenly, I was back on the ground, living among the pressures of my old world.
Chapter Ten

 

The sound of her voice on the phone caught me off guard because I’d just stepped out of the shower. I was dripping wet and wrapped in a towel. Angela was asleep in my bed, tangled in the sheets, wearing my flannel pajama bottoms and an oversized T-shirt.

As I carried the phone out of the bedroom, I had to drag the long cord over Bentley on his giant green pillow. He lifted his head and tilted it to the side as he watched me.

“Mom, it’s nice to hear from you,” I said.

It was a polite response, but it was also the truth. The sound of my mother’s voice in my ear reduced me to my ten-year-old self, to a time when she was my whole world. Yet that seemed like a lifetime ago.

For some unknown reason, I felt a sudden rush of panic. Had there been some horrible family tragedy? Did someone die? Was that why she was calling so early in the morning?

To this day, I don’t know why I thought that, but it woke me up to something. I regretted not picking up the phone sooner as Angela had so often encouraged me to do.

“I’m so glad I caught you,” Mom said cheerfully. I let out a breath of relief knowing no one had died. She simply missed me. I could hear it in her voice.

“How are you getting along?” she asked. “Are you eating enough vegetables?”

I laughed. “Yes, Mom. I’m eating well.”

“And how’s Bentley? The house is so quiet here with both of you gone.”

“I imagine it is,” I replied. “Bentley’s doing great. I come home for lunch every day, so he’s never alone for too long.”

I waited for her to ask about Angela, but there was a long noteworthy silence.

“How’s Dad?” I asked.

“Oh, you know, busy as usual. His receptionist is retiring next month, so he’s looking for someone.”

“Ah.”

There was another pause.

“You should come over for dinner sometime,” Mom said. “Bring your girlfriend.”

“Angela,” I mentioned.

“Yes, Angela…” Another pause. “Is she still working at the airport pub?”

My mother was doing her best to sound friendly and accepting, but I could hear her disapproval and disappointment not far beneath her cheerful façade. No doubt she and Dad would have preferred me to date a law student. Or even a flight attendant, for that matter. At least flight attendants wore heels and blazers.

“Yeah,” I replied. “She’s making great tips.”

Bentley appeared at my feet and panted up at me. I reached down to rub behind his ears.

“That’s wonderful,” Mom said.

A plane flew overhead; there was some static on the line, and I wondered if my mother was still on the other end.

“Rick’s coming home for a few weeks over Christmas,” she said, breaking the silence at last. “Will you be coming home, too?”

It seemed an odd question, and I combed my fingers through my wet hair. “You mean like…to sleep?”

To wake up Christmas morning and open Santa’s gifts as a family?

“Your room is still here,” she said. “You can come home any time you like.”

I nodded. “That’s nice to know, Mom. Thanks.”

Maybe I was being too presumptuous, assuming that my parents expected me to fail—even wanted me to—so that they could say ‘I told you so’ and wrestle me back onto the right track.

Was it possible they had changed their minds and were ready to accept the choices I was making?

That would be nice—if they could simply pick me up and dust me off if I stumbled, instead of insisting that I not stumble in the first place.

“I don’t have a lot of time right now, Mom,” I said. “I have to get to work, and Bentley needs to go outside. Maybe we can talk later. When is Rick coming home?”

“He’s flying in on the fifth,” she replied. “Maybe you’ll be the one to haul his suitcase off the plane. That’s what you do at your job, isn’t it?”

I closed my eyes and tipped my head back against the wall. “Yeah, Mom. That’s what I do.”

I said good-bye and hung up. When I finally made it to work and began loading baggage onto a Bombardier CRJ-200, I glanced up at the pilots in the flight deck windows and imagined for the thousandth time what it would feel like to fly such an incredible machine.

Perhaps a career in aviation was in my future, but I was nevertheless determined not to let my parents pressure me into any career before I was ready. Even if it was a career of my own choosing.
Chapter Eleven

 

Though I didn’t speak to my father at all over the next few weeks, I did hear from Mom who called to tell me Rick’s flight number and what time it would arrive on the fifth. She asked if I would meet him at the gate because she and Dad would be at work. She also asked if I wanted to come for turkey dinner on Christmas Day.

“Bring Angela, of course,” she added.

Encouraged by the fact that she had remembered Angela’s name this time, I accepted her invitation.

I wasn’t scheduled to work on the day Rick’s flight came in, so I was able to meet him at the gate. After we found each other in the terminal, I asked him about school and LA. He then asked about my job and the new apartment.

“You should show it to me now,” he said, “before I go to Mom and Dad’s. I can’t believe my baby brother’s all grown up.”

He teasingly messed my hair as we stepped onto the escalator. I elbowed him in the ribs.

“Fine,” I said, “but you’ll have to take a cab unless you want to hop on the back of my bike with your suitcase. Or you could walk. It’s only a mile or two.”

“You ride a bike to work?” Rick asked, his head drawing back slightly.

“Yeah. Saves on gas. And car payments.”

I walked with him to where the taxis were lined up outside, gave my address to one of the drivers, then told Rick that I’d meet him at my place in a few minutes. I fetched my bike, hopped on and managed to peddle fast enough to beat him to my front door.

* * *

“It’s a great spot,” Rick said after I gave him a two-minute tour of my apartment, “if you don’t mind airplanes landing in your front yard. Geez, how do you sleep through that?”

“I hardly notice,” I told him. “And Bentley doesn’t seem to mind it.”

Rick glanced around skeptically. “I don’t know. I don’t think I could take it.” He flopped onto his back on my sofa and crossed his legs at the ankles. “It’s great to be here, though. We should go do something.”

“Like what?” This was a new development: my brother wanting to spend time with me in a public place. I couldn’t remember a single instance when he didn’t resent being forced by Mom and Dad to let me tag along with him somewhere.

“I don’t know,” he said. “I’m starving. They didn’t serve anything on the plane except for pretzels. We should get some lunch.”

“Sure,” I replied, “but if you want to go downtown we’ll have to take the bus.”

“No problem,” he said, rising to his feet. “Let’s go.”

* * *

Rick and I enjoyed a late lunch with a few beers at a downtown pub, and before I realized what I was saying, I was telling him about my plans to look into flight school.

“Makes sense,” he said, raising his beer to his lips and taking a sip. “You were always into rockets and planes when you were a kid. What do Mom and Dad think?”

I glanced at the waitress loading up her tray at the bar. “I haven’t mentioned it to them.”

“Why not?”

“Because we don’t talk much,” I replied, “and even if we did, I don’t think I could stomach giving Dad that much satisfaction. He might think I was doing it just to make him happy.”

Rick laughed. “Well, that wouldn’t do, because we all know how much you enjoy being a total disappointment.”

I shook my head at him, choosing not to argue because we both knew it was true, to some extent. Nevertheless, I didn’t appreciate that he felt compelled to point it out.

“I’m only joking.” Rick signaled to the waitress to bring him another beer.

I finished the last of my salad, wiped my mouth with the napkin and laid it on the table. “Wonder what they’ll think of Angela when they meet her.”

“They haven’t met her yet?” Rick asked with surprise.

“No, but Mom invited us for dinner Christmas Day, so you’ll get to witness all the subtle digs and backhanded compliments.”

“Maybe they’ll surprise you,” Rick said.

“Maybe so,” I replied, “but I’m not holding my breath. And listen, don’t mention flight school to them. I still haven’t made up my mind and I don’t want Dad to get out his conductor’s wand and start directing the show. If I go, I’ll pay for it myself, and I’ll go when I’m good and ready.”

“Sure.”

The waitress brought Rick’s third beer and I asked him what he was planning to give to Mom and Dad for Christmas—I had no idea what to get them and I wanted to change the subject.

He said he had a couple of hardcovers in mind. Then he asked me what I was planning to give Angela.

Looking back on it, I should have told him it was none of his business. And I never should have taken her to dinner Christmas Day.

Chapter Twelve

 

I often wondered, growing up, what it was about my brother that was so seductive to women. He was good looking—that was a given—but it didn’t explain why they all seemed to melt into a puddle of sticky goo when he engaged them in a conversation about something as simple as the weather.

I suppose he was born with some sort of rare, penetrating charisma that few of us are blessed with. It’s why he later went on to make millions in his profession. He could convince anyone—men and women alike—to say yes to anything. ‘Another two million per year for that rookie outfielder? Sure, Mr. Fraser. We’d love to pay that.’

When Rick and I returned to my apartment after lunch, I was surprised to find Angela sitting on the sofa with Bentley, watching television. As soon as we walked through the door, she hit the mute button on the remote and stood up.

“Hey,” I said, shrugging out of my jacket. “What are you doing here?”

“I’m on my lunch break,” she replied. “I have to go back in half an hour.”

I gestured toward Rick who walked in behind me. “This is my brother, Rick. Rick, this is Angela.”

“Hi.” She waved at him. “It’s great to finally meet you.”

“You, too.” He moved forward to shake her hand, then he took a seat on the upholstered chair across from the TV. “So you guys met at work?”

“Yeah.” Angela sat down again and told the story of how she locked her keys in her car and I came to her rescue like a knight in shining armor.

Rick then asked what high school she went to. When she told him which one, he asked if she knew so-and-so, because Rick knew everyone. They chatted for a while about their mutual acquaintances.

I went to use the washroom and when I returned, they were talking about Angela’s yoga classes, and Rick was interested in trying a class for himself.

As soon as I stepped into view she checked her watch and stood up. “Geez, I’m going to be late. Wish I could stay but I have to go.”

She hurried toward me and gave me a quick kiss on the cheek. “I’ll see you guys later. Bye, Bentley.”

With that, she was out the door.

“Cute girl,” Rick said, slouching low in his chair. “How long have you been dating her?”

“A few months,” I replied.

He nodded with approval as he pulled off his sneakers and settled in to watch some television. “Nice work. I’m sure you have nothing to worry about. Mom and Dad will think she’s great.”

“I’m not worried,” I informed him.

Because it didn’t matter to me what they thought. It only mattered how Angela and I felt about each other.

It’s unfortunate that I didn’t know, at the time, that there would be other far worse things to worry about, and none of them would involve my parents. Maybe if I had known, I might have been able to prevent the worst of them from happening.

Or maybe not. I’ve come to learn that certain things in life are beyond our control.

Others are beyond comprehension.

… Continued…

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The Color of a Dream
(The Color of Heaven, Book 4)
by Julianne MacLean
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One-Knight Stand (Brethren of the Coast Book 4)

by Barbara Devlin

One-Knight Stand (Brethren of the Coast Book 4)

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Here’s the set-up:

Do old friends truly make the best lovers?

When Cara Felicity Douglas, known throughout the ton as Miss Perfect, sets her cap for childhood chum and Nautionnier Knight Lance Prescott, she enlists the aid of the Brethren women to chart a course for the altar. But her plans go awry, when her prospective bridegroom refuses to cooperate, and the hunter becomes the hunted. Soon Cara is forced to choose between staunch obedience of societal expectations, or throw caution to the wind and take a chance on love, as the young lady finds herself entangled in the trap she set for her knight.

After an injury at sea leaves Lance bedridden, and his rival captains Lance’s ship, he drowns in a dangerous mix of anger, frustration, and jealousy. Harboring more than physical wounds, a past tragedy haunts his present and future. When Cara proclaims him the man of her dreams, Lance vows, “I will never be your husband.” But Miss Perfect will not be deterred and acts completely out of character, making him an offer he dare not refuse, if only he can win her heart. For two people so alike in every way, what could possibly go wrong? In a word: Everything.

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an excerpt from

One-Knight Stand

by Barbara Devlin

 

Copyright © 2014 by Barbara Devlin and published here with her permission

PROLOGUE

The Ascendants

England

The Year of Our Lord 1313

 

“How did we come to this, brother?”  Demetrius scratched his chin and frowned.

“At the pointed end of a sword.”  Arucard chuckled, though he knew it wasn’t that simple.  “And it is not so bad as you might think, once you accustom yourself to the idea.”

“You say that now, but if memory serves, you were none too pleased when faced with similar circumstances.”  With a groan, Demetrius stood and paced the floor.  “Eternal damnation seems an awfully high price.  Surely it would have been preferable to die a warrior’s death.”

“Well, let us not be too dramatic.”  In silence, Arucard pondered his fellow knight’s predicament and smiled.  Had he not felt the same on the eve of his nuptials?  “It just requires a period of adjustment on your part.”

“Perhaps this is punishment for Randulf.”  Demetrius shook his head.  “Never should I have left him in my wake.”

“Wait a minute, brother.  You are no more or less to blame for his demise than any of us, and there was nothing we could do to save him.”  He pointed for emphasis.  “As it is, we barely escaped with our lives, and only five of us remain.  Would you rather none survived?”

“I would have him here.”  Demetrius gazed at the ceiling and sighed.  “At the very least, I would trade places, as he was the better man.”

“Now there I must take exception, as such comparison is as apples to oranges.”  Leaning forward, Arucard propped his elbows on his knees.  “Neither you nor Randulf could claim such distinction, as you are two drastically different beasts.”

“And yet I persist, and he is gone.”  Demetrius speared his fingers through his hair, and then he fisted his hands.  “So I am resolved to consider my situation a burden and my fate one of lifelong penance.”

“My friend, you are not thinking clearly, as your judgment is clouded by misplaced guilt.”  Of course, Arucard neglected to mention that he, too, carried their comrade’s death as a stain on his conscience and invisible wounds that had not quite healed.

Of their set, Randulf had been the youngest and most good-natured Templar.  Facing every day with a mischievous grin, a biting sense of humor, and a wild streak to match, Randulf was forever garnering additional weapons practice for himself and his brother knights for a wide variety of infractions.  Still, the lighthearted gadling was a favored son.

“My guilt is well-founded, and I do not deserve happiness.  In my rush to stem the tide, I did not realize he had yet to cast off, and it was too late when I noted my error.  I abandoned him to the king’s guard.  His loss is my shame.”  Demetrius scowled.  “Perhaps it is fitting that I am required to marry.”

“You equate matrimony with hell?”  Arucard’s ears rang with disbelief.

“You would argue otherwise?” Demetrius mumbled.

“Well, in truth, it can at times be an abyss of suffering unique unto itself.”  Arucard laughed aloud and slapped his thigh.  “But if you ever repeat that to Isolde, I will send you to the glorious hereafter, posthaste.”

“You find sport in my misery?”

“I find sport in the absurdity of your logic.”  Arucard stood and walked to his friend.  “Guilt is a powerful emotion, brother.  It numbs your senses and impairs your vision, shrouding your reality in a dense cloud of regret, which further impedes your capacity to reap the rewards of life.  You may as well be dead, as you have one foot in the grave, and Randulf, God rest him, would never wish that on you.”

“What would you have of me?  Am I to marry Athelyna and spend my days in connubial bliss?”  With fists resting on hips, Demetrius inclined his head.  “And what sort of name is that?  Sounds like a rather nasty infection.  Can you not hear the boys?  ‘Poor bastard caught the Athelyna, and his most prized protuberance shriveled and fell off.’”

“By God’s bones, I will grant you that.”  Arucard surrendered to boisterous guffaws.  “Why not call the poor lass by a term of affection–one known only to her?”

Demetrius shifted his weight.  “And why would I do that?”

“To foster a true and lasting bond with your mate.”

“And why would I want to do that?”  Demetrius shuffled his feet.

“Well, if for no other reason than to hasten conception of your heirs.”

With a look of sheer terror, Demetrius turned white as a sheet and splayed his arms as he teetered precariously.

“Whoa, brother.”  Arucard steadied his fellow Nautionnier Knight.  “Have a seat before you fall flat on your face, and the fair maiden refuses to marry you.”

“Babes–I forgot about that.”  Demetrius cradled his head in his hands.  “Back up, else I will ruin the shine on your boots, as I fear I am going to vomit.”

“Is it safe to assume you did not avail yourself of a whore, as Morgan suggested?”  Arucard grimaced, as he had rejected the same notion prior to marrying Isolde.  “It might have put your mind at ease for tonight.”

“No, it would not.  Call me a lunatic, but if I am to risk everlasting condemnation, then I would join my body only with whom I have spoken the vows, per the sacrament.”  With an expression of unfailing determination, Demetrius compressed his lips.  “I will have no other.”

“Then let us be done with it.”  With arms crossed, Arucard retreated a step.  “So you might beget your heir, as the King commands.”

“Am I to breed as a prized stallion put to pasture?” Demetrius grumbled with unveiled irritation.  “Are we nothing more than means to produce the next generation of mariners insane enough to undertake His Majesty’s bidding?”

“You make procreation sound so romantic, brother.”  Arucard blanched.  “Believe me, it is not a chore, though it does require some effort to master from the start, but the work is good.”

“That is precisely what it is to me–drudgery.”  Demetrius thrust his chin.  “And I suspect we have merely exchanged one hangman’s noose for another.  In short, it is nothing more than the trappings of duty owed to an oath ill-pledged that I shall endeavor to persevere.”

“Oh, come now.”  Since his brother would soon learn differently, Arucard succumbed to a full-blown belly laugh.  “As I have seen Athelyna, she is nice duty, if one can get it.”

“Then you should take her to wife.”

“Alas, I am in love with Isolde.”

“Be that as it may, I am obliged not to enjoy the experience.”

“You forget yourself.”  Arucard wiped a stray tear from his eye.  “As I explained last night, you must enjoy it, to some degree, in order to conceive a child.”

A knock at the door gave them pause.

“Oh hell, it is time.”  Demetrius paled in an instant and swallowed hard.  “Come.”

Morgan peered inside and cast a playful grin.  “Ready to face the enemy?”

Once again, Demetrius tottered, and Arucard all but carried him to the chair.  To Morgan, Arucard said, “Brother, we have a problem.”

“What is this?”  Morgan closed the oak panel.  “Did you not pay a visit to Matild, as I instructed?”

“She has a groat-sized wart on her nose.”  Demetrius flinched.  “And she is missing two front teeth.”

“Indeed, she is.”  Morgan clucked his tongue.  “That is what makes her proficient in her most popular service.  And why the devil would I care for a wart?  Matild’s reputation precedes her.”

Demetrius snorted.  “You know, I am not entirely comfortable with your lustful embrace of English customs.”

Morgan waggled his brows.  “As they say, when in Rome–”

“We are not in Rome.”

“And we are no longer Templars.”  Levity aside, Morgan said, “Are you still going on about Randulf?”

The room was as silent as a tomb.

Morgan glanced at Arucard, and he shrugged.

“Neither of you were there when he disappeared into the sea.”  Demetrius closed his eyes.  “Screaming for his mother, the lad went down with his ship.”

“And, apart from the screaming, he would have it no other way,” Arucard stated softly.  “Randulf was a fine mariner and man, albeit a young one, and your steadfast refusal to let him go does no credit to his memory.”

“Arucard is correct.”  Morgan cocked his head.  “But if you are truly unwilling to wed the lady, I shall be too happy to take your place, as the woman is handsome and the title generous.”

Demetrius snapped to attention.  “She is my bride–already promised.”

“And I suppose the earldom means nothing?”  Morgan rocked on his heels.

“I would have her without it, but the King gives me no choice,” Demetrius asserted without hesitation.  “He seems intent on corrupting us.”

“Then what are you waiting for?” Arucard inquired.  “Do yourself a favor, brother, and leave the past to yesterday.”

Demetrius opened and then closed his mouth.  After a minute, he sighed heavily and mustered a smile.  “All right.  Bring on the archbishop, for I am to wed.  But you must promise me something.”

“Whatever you require, know you shall have it.”  Arucard slapped his longtime friend on the back.  “Now, let us get you to the altar.”

“Wait.”  Demetrius halted in his tracks.  “At the first opportunity, you must help me compose a pet name, as Athelyna is not something I imagine myself uttering in the throes of passion.”

                  CHAPTER ONE

The Descendants

The English Channel

September, 1812

 

If one had to die, now was as good a time as any, or so Lance Prescott, sixth Marquess of Raynesford, thought as his ship heeled hard a larboard.  Of course, he did not want to die, but neither did he think that, when his days were at an end, he would seriously be consulted in the matter.

Memories, bits of the past, flashed before his eyes.

His mother had died in childbirth, so he never knew her.  In brief, he relived the sadness when his father had perished of a liver ailment after years of excessive drinking, although the man was, for all intents and purposes, a stranger.  He revisited the sense of vulnerability when, at the age of four and ten, he struggled in vain against frigid waters to save his cousin, Thomas.

As an anchor about his neck, he considered his title, which he inherited once his guardian passed, because Thomas, the original heir, had preceded his sire in death.  Lance had always looked on the burden of the peerage as penance for his inability to rescue his beloved relation.

Triumphs.  Losses.  Regrets.

Things he had said and done that he wished he could take back.  Accomplishments he wished he had achieved but had not attained.  There were so many experiences of which he had yet to partake and places to which he had never journeyed.  He had not married, and he had no heir.

They were all there.

There was a woman he admired–always had.  He had known her since she was born, but he did not deserve her, never would.  Long ago, he had resigned himself to marrying another.  Trouble was, in his mind and his heart if truth were told, none compared with her.

Lance shook himself out of the morbid reverie that was his personal history and focused on the task at hand.  Grasping the carved quarterdeck rail, he held on tight as the Demetrius righted herself.  Frothing waves crashed over the sides, spilling onto the deck.  A ravenous beast, the angry seas threatened to swallow the mighty frigate in a single gulp.

Staccato bursts of lightning pierced the turbulent skies, flashing rapid-fire glimpses of the tempest raging in all directions.  In the distance, four imposing vessels belonging to the knights of the Brethren of the Coast tossed about like wooden toys in a bath, and his was the fifth ship in the line.

In his wake, he could barely make out a familiar silhouette.  Trevor Marshall, the most recent addition to the infamous knighthood descended of the famed Templars, the warriors of the Crusades, struggled to steer the Hera through violent waters and did not appear to fare any better.

Into the wind, Scottie,” Lance yelled.

“We’re tryin’, Cap’n.”

Scottie and the helmsman, Mr. Hazard, engaged in fierce combat for control of the craft.  Lashed to the wheel to keep from falling overboard, they waged war against the tempestuous ocean.

Surrendering to a mighty gale, the Demetrius heeled hard a starboard.  Clutching the rail, Lance peered down and surmised he could skim the surface of the swirling sea if he fully extended his arm.  With a wicked shudder, he gulped and decided not to put it to test.

“Hold her, boys!”  The first mate screamed above the howling winds.

With a death-grip on the wheel, Lance braced himself as the bow rose sharply.  The ship crested, lightning speared the clouds, and thunder roared in an ominous specter of doom.

In an instant, the fore topmast stay snapped, and the staysail unfurled.  Lance noted the fluttering canvas and cursed, because he knew what would happen next, and it was the last thing he needed at the moment.

“No.”  Though he voiced the denial, it was muffled amid the bluster of the storm.

As if Mother Nature had read his thoughts, the wind caught the end, filled the sheet, and hauled the large sail into the blast.

“Bloody hell.”  He gritted his teeth.  “Hold on!

The bow jerked forcibly to starboard, and the relentless zephyr threatened to bring down the rigging en masse.

“Cap’n, we have to take in that sail before we founder.”

“I know.”  Lance tugged at his lifeline.

It was time to dance with Death.  The gnarled hand of his first mate halted him, and he glanced at the seasoned tar.  The stern lamps had long ago been doused by the mountainous waves, and in the flickering light from the storm, he spied grim resolution etched in his crewman’s expression.

“The Demetrius will swim without me, Cap’n.  You’re responsible for the ship and her crew.”  Scottie squeezed hard on his wrist.  “Let me go, sir.”

Despite instincts to the contrary, Lance nodded once.

In mere minutes, Lance lost sight of his first mate in the driving rain.  “Can you see him?” he shouted to the helmsman.

“No, sir.”  Mr. Hazard wiped his brow.  “He might have gone in the drink, Cap’n.”

With a hand, Lance shielded his eyes from the savage deluge that pummeled his flesh, stinging like a swarm of angry bees.  He did not want to think it, did not want to consider the fact that he may have sent his first mate to his death.  Craning his neck, he strained to focus through the torrent.  Lightning blazed across the sky, and Lance caught sight of Scottie.  A tremor of fear wrenched his gut.

Off the bow, which rose as they rode the peak of the wave, the first mate dangled precariously from the larboard rail.  Another thunderbolt momentarily blinded Lance.

In an instant, he was no longer aboard his ship.  Instead, he found himself at Eton.  It was winter, and his cousin Thomas asked him to skip Latin and go skating on a nearby frozen pond.

“Come on, Lance.”  Thomas waved.  “You do not always have to follow the rules.”

With clenched fists to his hips, he stopped short of reminding his errant relation that rules were put in place for a reason.  And unlike his brash cousin, Lance always followed the straight and narrow path.  He supposed it was that difference that made them such good friends.  While he kept Thomas grounded, the fiery gadling kept Lance from being the proverbial stick in the mud.

Finally, Lance smiled and shook his head.  “We are going to get into trouble,” he hollered to his cousin, who was already walking away.  He frowned and checked to see no one was watching before following Thomas into the field.

Nestled in a crescent of snow dusted oak trees, the little pond was almost perfectly round, and a thick, white layer of ice covered the small body of water.

Amid hoots and hollers, the young cousins, more like brothers, exactly the same age and lifelong mates, took turns running onto the ice.  The air was crisp, and their expelled breath produced puffs of smoke, as they slid across the slippery surface on the smooth soles of their boots.

Lance fell flat on his bottom and scowled at Thomas, who held a hand to his belly and laughed heartily.  As he tried to stand, his foot skidded on the ice.  Lance ended up as he started–back on his bum.

“Is this not better than reciting a dead language no one uses anymore?”  Thomas skipped on the ice, and then he splayed his arms wide for balance, as he veered in a graceful arc.

As he struggled to right himself, Lance halted when a loud cracking sound snared his attention.  Beneath his feet, in the pristine veneer, jagged lines suddenly snaked in every direction.  He froze.

“Thomas, do not move.”

To his irritation, his disobedient cousin ignored the warning.  In the process of gathering speed for another sail across the ice, Thomas tripped and disappeared below the surface.  Only his arms, shoulders, and head remained visible.

“Lance.  Help.  Help me!”  Thomas fought to pull himself up, but every time he managed to inch out of the water, another piece of ice broke away.  He fell, deeper and deeper.

“Stay still, Thomas.”  Crawling slowly, on his palms and knees, Lance scooted toward the middle of the pond and closer to his cousin.  “I am coming for you.”

But as Lance neared, the ice collapsed.  He sucked in a breath as the painfully cold water penetrated his clothes.  Because he had not made it to the center of the pond, it was still shallow enough for his feet to reach the bottom, and the water came only to his chin.

Tilting his head back, he gasped for air.

A flicker of movement caught his attention.

Hands flailed helplessly.

Lightning flashed, and water splashed over his face as he wrenched to the present.  Lance sputtered and wiped his cheeks with his oilskin raingear.  Determination welled within him.  He was a man now, not a child.  He might not have been able to save his cousin, but he would not let his first mate die.

He untied his lifeline, and the helmsman did the same.

“Go below and get help.”

Mr. Hazard nodded.  “Aye, sir.”

Using a section of rope, Lance tied the wheel in place, hoping the thick twine would withstand the forces of nature until he or the helmsman returned.

The stern rose as the waves drove the ship, and then the bow crashed violently into the valley.  In a burst of light, Lance spied Scottie.  He had lost his grip with one hand and was swinging by the other.

After making his way down the companion ladder, he crawled along the larboard rail.  The ship bucked, as would an unbroken horse.  When the bow rose, he held tight to the railing.  When it leveled, he moved forward as fast as possible.  While it took him mere minutes to reach his first mate, it seemed an eternity.

The storm flared all around.  The wind wailed, as the mournful cries of a grieving widow.

Reaching out, Lance grasped the wrist of his first mate.  Scottie stared at him, and a mixture of relief and gratitude washed over his face.  With one powerful tug, using his bodyweight as a counterbalance, Lance fell backward on the deck as he hauled Scottie over the rail.

“Are you injured?”

“No, Cap’n.”  With a balled fist, the first mate punched him in the arm.  “I knew you would come for me.”

Lance wiped the rain from his eyes.  “Let us tuck in that sail and get back to the helm.”

Moving in unison with the ship, they dragged in the slapping canvas.  The laces had torn from the yardarm at one end, causing the sail to arc wildly.

Scottie lunged for the wayward corner and managed to catch it.  He landed on his rear in the middle of the deck.

Lance laughed as they engaged in an awkward waltz, of sorts, gathering the unruly sheet.  In a rush, he tucked the sail to the yardarm.

A loud, unnatural crack snared his senses.

An eerie premonition of deja vu nipped at his heels, gooseflesh covered him from top to toe, and he peered skyward.  Hanging over them like the sword of Damocles, the foremast yardarm splintered in two, and it listed in the wind, back and forth, as a perilous pendulum, with one end threatening to drop on them at any moment.

“Look out.”  Lance waved his arms in warning. “Scottie, get out of the way.”

“What?” the seaman replied.

He pointed, but the first mate did not appear cognizant of the impending danger.

And then it happened.

The yardarm broke free and came crashing down.

Without thought, he dove toward Scottie, shoving him out of the path of the large, jagged piece of wood.  Lance landed, face first, on the unforgiving planks of the main deck.  Pain ratcheted through his body, though it was not from his fall.  It was from the crushing weight of the yardarm, as it snapped the bone of his sprawled leg.

Captain.”

Lance flinched at the shout of alarm and the panic in the voice of his first mate.  It seemed as though a hundred fingers surveyed his body, and someone turned him over.  He blinked his eyes and found himself in his room at Sandgate Manor, the Raynesford ancestral pile.

A single candle sat on a bedside table, and thick quilts had been tucked to his chin.  A physician explained his condition to his aunt and uncle, the Marquess and Marchioness of Raynesford, who had cared for him since his father had passed.

He trained his ear as the marquess detailed how a schoolmaster spied Lance and Thomas running away from class.  By the time the teacher trailed them, Thomas had drowned in the icy pond.  The schoolmaster pulled a barely conscious Lance from the frigid water and carried him back to school.

He shivered.

Thomas had died.

Lance moaned and twisted beneath the mountain of bedcovers.  The physician ushered his guardians into the hall, so as not to disturb him.  He fought sleep, because he feared if he surrendered he might never wake, and was still lucid when the door to his bedchamber creaked.

A shadowy silhouette entered the room and tiptoed to his bed.  In the soft light from the candle, he studied the familiar face, committing every subtle nuance to memory.  He had known the young girl since she was born.

Through half-open eyes, he gazed on her graceful form as she placed one of her wooden miniatures, a brightly painted green turtle, on the bedside table.  She collected the quaint figurines, treasured them, so he was surprised she would part with one of her gems.

She glanced over her shoulder and appeared to be checking to make sure no one was there, before leaning forward and setting her mouth to his.

It was his first kiss.

“Get well, Lance.”  She pressed her palm, cool against his fevered skin, to his cheek.  “You are my hero.”

After that, he had slept.

“Easy, lads!”

The concern in Scottie’s words came to him through a fog of anguish and confusion.

As Lance slipped beneath the comforting blanket of unconsciousness, a name passed his lips.  A bare whisper, it was lost in the blustery gale of the storm, so no one heard, but he said it just the same.

“Cara.”
***

Far away, in a fashionable London town home, all were abed, and the household slept.  The halls were silent, save the ticking of the long-case clock in the foyer at the foot of the grand staircase.

The candles were guttered, having long ago extinguished, and the hearths were cold.  No shadows played on the carpets, because no moonlight filtered through the windows.

Had anyone been awake to see, the sky beyond the glass was angry.

In the dark of night, Cara Douglas shifted and frowned, and a soft moan passed her lips as she struggled somewhere between consciousness and slumber.  Tucked, safe and sound, in her bedchamber, she rolled her head restlessly to one side and sighed as she pushed at the bedclothes.

The clock in the hall sounded the hour.  It was late.

A flash of light and a distant rumbling provided the first warnings of the violent storm approaching the city.

Cara kicked at the sheets, which had become tangled about her legs as she tossed and turned.  And she wiped the faint sheen of perspiration from her brow, as she fought imaginary wraiths in haunted repose.

“No,” she murmured, ensnared in a vivid dream.

An army of visions plagued her rest, and bits and pieces of her past flashed a staccato of unsettling imagery.  In a vaguely familiar surrounding, a single candle sat on a bedside table.  Beneath mountains of blankets, a motionless form reclined.  As she crossed the room, she stared down and realized she was a child, not the woman she was now.  The young Cara set a tiny wooden figurine on the table and then claimed a kiss in payment for her willingly relinquished treasure.

Suddenly, reflections of a wild sea rocked her world.  Mountainous waves of water caved in around her, burying her in an ocean grave.  In her sleep, she screamed and lashed at some invisible tormenter.

Beyond the walls of her home, the wind whipped and howled.  Trees swayed, rubbish and dust swirled in the air.  The pitter-patter of raindrops sounded on the windowpanes, a gentle drumbeat heralding the arrival of nature’s tempest.

Thunder roared through her bedchamber, and she sobbed.  Tears slipped from her still closed eyes, and though she dozed, it was neither peaceful nor comforting.

In her dreams, she pictured his face; the one she had known all her life.  He did not smile, and his black hair was wet.  His green eyes shimmered with determination–and uncharacteristic fear.  And she was with him, sharing his emotions as though they were one entity.

Drenched in sweat, her fine cambric nightgown clung to her body.  In despair, she kicked and thrashed in a snare of linens.  With desperation, she searched the gloom for an escape, some way to break free from the bonds of the terror holding her captive.

Through the misery, he called her name.

And she murmured softly and reached for him.

Rain pelted her windows, as would an eager suitor beckoning her in a midnight rendezvous.  Her pillow grew damp as tears streamed her temples, and she listed frantically from side to side.

Urgent.  Tortured.

Cara cried out.

But still she languished, trapped in a seemingly endless vortex of nocturnal desolation.

The storm intensified, and thunder shook the walls of her home.  The gentle shower escalated into a torrential downpour.  Finally, on a booming clap, she bolted upright.

Liberated from the nightmare that had arrested her, Cara took a few seconds to gather her wits and discern that she remained in her chamber, safely ensconced in her family residence on Upper Brooke Street.  Clutching the sheet to her chest, she shivered and rubbed the gooseflesh covering her arms.  A quick glance about the room told her no one presented a threat, and nothing was amiss.  But the cause of her concern remained quite tangible.

Eerily realistic.

After tossing the blankets aside, Cara swung her legs over the edge of the mattress and leapt from the bed.  She walked to the windows, pulled open the drapes, and gasped at the display of raw power as nature assailed the city.

With clasped hands pressed to her bosom, she choked on a sob.  An obscure but nonetheless compelling weight hung heavy in her heart.  She struggled to breathe, as if from overexertion.  Fear lapped at her senses and filled her with tension.  She rolled her shoulders in a valiant but failed attempt to relax.

He was out there.

Coming home–to her.

Uncertain as to how she knew, she simply knew.

A shiver of dread traipsed her spine, and a wraith of gloom danced a merry jig in the recesses of her mind.  Entombed in a melancholy prison, she wept.  But now was not the time to cry, so she wiped her tears.

Something had gone horribly wrong.

Her hero suffered.

How she longed to go to him, to hold him in her arms and ease his torment.  Operating on instinct, she sensed that he needed her, and she would have to be strong.

Pressing her brow against the cool surface of the glass, Cara closed her eyes and whispered, “Lance.”

… Continued…

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Take Back the Morning

Take Back the Morning

by Evan Howard

5.0 stars – 9 Reviews
Here’s the set-up:
A corrupt stockbroker on the run . . .

An economy in turmoil . . .

And a mysterious pendant sought by the richest woman on Wall Street.

Terrified of going to jail, Justin Connelly faked his death and fled the seductions of Manhattan for the quiet corners of Providence, Rhode Island. His only keepsake was an antique pendant engraved with strange markings.

But then a sailing accident almost kills him for real. In his near-death state Justin is taken to the depths of Hell itself, where he sees things that drive him out of hiding and back to his abandoned wife in New York. But Tori’s moved on, and his old enemies on Wall Street are not happy to see him. They want the pendant, which in the wrong hands could destroy humanity—and Justin’s former boss definitely has the wrong hands. The only way out is to swallow his pride, and his doubt, and work with Tori and her new fiancé to expose the truth.

As world economies—and his own soul—hang in the balance, Justin must decide how much he is willing to sacrifice.

A spiritual thriller critically relevant to the crises of our time.

5-star praise for Take Back The Morning:

Entertaining and Insightful!
“…I found myself caught up in the fast-paced story and then thinking about the deeper meaning of love, deceit, forgiveness, and power in everyday life…”

an excerpt from

Take Back The Morning

by Evan Howard

 

Copyright © 2014 by Evan Howard and published here with his permission

1

The Graveyard Shift

 

April 2, 1996

New York City

1:37 A.M.

 

The dreaded moment struck without warning.

It unfolded in slow motion as if in a dream. For forty-three-year-old Franklin Scott, the dream was a nightmare. Everything went silent, as it always had whenever the nightmare had disturbed his sleep during his twelve years as a subway motorman. This time the terror was real. The E train approached the well-lit World Trade Center stop as a man fell from the platform. Franklin grabbed the brake handle and slammed it forward. No! Dear God, please, no!

The man landed on the tracks. Franklin’s heart leaped into his throat. For an instant, he observed the scene rather than experienced it. In less than a week, he would be wed. His glamorous bride, Katherine—with whom he’d shared several glasses of chardonnay before the graveyard shift—would meet him at the altar. He imagined kissing her and taking her arm before they faced the minister to recite their vows. He needed this job to support the marriage; he had to stop his four-hundred-ton train.

Help, God. Please help me! The sudden jolt from the brakes threw him against the windshield, twisting his wrist as he fought to keep hold of the handle. The train screeched beneath him. Sparks rained across the tracks. He clenched his jaw so tightly he nearly dislocated it. Passengers screamed. Loudspeakers buzzed. He feared the train would jackknife and careen off the tracks. Instead it shuddered as it hit the man.

The train ground to a stop.

This can’t be happening. The words echoed in Franklin’s mind. He righted himself and radioed the command center with the 12-9 code for “man under.” He requested that the electricity to the third rail be shut off, that police and paramedics be rushed to the scene.

Ordinarily he would wait in the cab, but if the man died and Franklin failed a Breathalyzer test, he would go to jail. He couldn’t stop shaking, and his heart felt as if it would rupture in his chest. He didn’t know if he could save the man, but he had to try.

He made an announcement over the PA system to calm the few passengers on board. As soon as he received confirmation that the electricity was off, he climbed down onto the tracks with a flashlight.

He shined the beam under the first car, assaulted by the smell of grease and oil. Nothing.

He rushed to the second car and continued to search. Nothing.

Blood as red as the fire raging in his mind streaked the tracks in front of the third car. Halfway down, he found the motionless body of an athletic man lying on his stomach between the tracks. His head was gashed and bleeding, his white skin a contrast to Franklin’s dark African-American complexion. Both of the man’s arms and one of his legs appeared dislocated or broken and had been contorted in freakish directions. His navy blue blazer and gray wool slacks were disheveled and ripped.

The mangled body filled Franklin with terror and revulsion. He thought again of his upcoming wedding. Katherine was his passion, an unexpected gift after his disastrous first marriage. They’d survived a seven-year battle with his ex-wife for custody of his young son and daughter. The wedding was supposed to celebrate their long-awaited joy. Would it even happen now?

Franklin steeled himself against the panic in his stomach and climbed under the car. He knelt next to the man in the narrow, cube-like space. The stench of urine made him cough, scaring off a family of rats. The darkness molested him. His ragged breaths were his only defense against the tightening noose of claustrophobia. He fought dizziness and nausea as he groped for the man’s wrist. There was no pulse.

He coughed out an anguished sob and released the wrist, his eyes a blur of tears. When he turned to leave, an object glinted in his flashlight’s beam. Franklin dried his eyes on the shoulders of his MTA uniform then picked up the object. It was a badge. It had the head and wings of an eagle on top and a five-pointed star at the center. The lettering read U.S. Secret Service, and at the bottom were the words Special Agent.

The blood drained from his cheeks. Who was this man? How had he ended up crushed by a train? Franklin’s chances of a happy future slipped away along with his dream of a joyful wedding and an exotic honeymoon. He was powerless to stop it. The glare of the beam against the badge stung his watery eyes. He cupped the badge in a sweaty palm and turned away.

“Scott? Franklin Scott?”

“Where are you, Scott?”

The shouts came from two voices, one husky and the other higher pitched, that echoed through the dark tunnel. Franklin crawled out from under the car. Two flashlight beams bounced toward him followed by at least a dozen more.

“Over here!” he called. “Beside the third car.”

He trudged toward two NYPD cops. A contingent of paramedics carrying a stretcher, a body board, and first aid equipment caught up. They were soon joined by uniformed patrol officers from the MTA and plainclothes detectives in suits and overcoats.

The paramedics climbed under the train and confirmed that the man was dead. After the scene had been photographed, they loaded the body onto a stretcher and headed out of the tunnel. The transit authority officers relieved Franklin of duty, and a substitute motorman boarded the train. A cop and a detective led Franklin through a door in the tunnel wall, up some dirty cement stairs, and onto the E train’s island platform.

“I’m Detective Joel Wilson.” The man in plain clothes stuck out a hand. He was balding, clean-shaven, and, like Franklin, of medium build. “We’re going to need a statement from you.”

Franklin returned the firm handshake. The taller, dark-haired cop introduced himself as Sergeant Fernandez. He recorded Franklin’s name and other essentials on a form attached to a clipboard. “Okay, now tell us exactly what happened,” he said.

Franklin stepped to the far end of the platform where it met the tiled wall. He motioned with both hands. “My train was approaching when a body fell from right here.”

“How far away was your car?”

“About a hundred feet.”

Fernandez wrote on the clipboard. “What did you do?”

“Applied the brakes immediately.”

“It was too late?”

“Yes.” Franklin’s throat tightened, but he forced himself to describe how he’d taken all the necessary safety precautions and had tried to help the man.

“Okay, that covers the basics.” Fernandez eyed Wilson. “Do you have further questions?”

Wilson nodded. “Could you tell if the man fell or jumped?”

Franklin thought back to what he’d seen. He was tempted to say the man had jumped because then he wouldn’t be blamed. Many of the ninety-odd subway deaths that happened each year were suicides, and the motormen weren’t held responsible. But he couldn’t be sure. “It happened so fast. I really can’t say which it was.”

“When you got out of your cab, did you see anyone on the platform?”

Franklin hesitated as he tried to remember. He’d been so focused on reaching the man he’d paid no attention to the platform. But the implications of the question sent his mind reeling. He didn’t worry that there might have been witnesses but rather that the man might have been pushed. A murder would require a more complicated investigation than an accident or suicide … especially the murder of a federal agent. Franklin couldn’t be sure that the man hadn’t been pushed, but the possibility of becoming entangled in an FBI investigation terrified him. He needed to sound sure.

“No,” he said with conviction. “The platform was empty. It often is at this hour.”

“You’re absolutely sure?” Wilson narrowed his eyes as his gravelly voice modulated from intense to demanding.

Franklin tightened his grip on the badge until its edges dug into his skin. The man’s body hadn’t been completely vertical as it could have been if he’d jumped. Instead he’d leaned forward, perhaps even tried to keep himself upright, which could have been the case whether he’d fallen or been pushed.

Franklin gnawed his lip as he struggled with whether to show Wilson and Fernandez the badge. Beads of sweat broke out on his forehead and upper lip. Which course of action would be most likely to keep him out of trouble? They were going to find out who that guy was anyway, he reasoned. He might as well give them the badge. “I found this next to his body on the tracks.”

Wilson examined the badge before showing it to Fernandez. “The Secret Service has an outpost in Seven World Trade Center. My guess is that this agent worked there. The suicide of a Secret Service agent would be a big story and bring shame to the entire organization. But the murder of an agent would be a federal crime. It could even be part of a larger plot against the President of the United States or other government officials.”

He gave Franklin a withering glare. “Think hard. Are you sure no one else was on the platform?”

Franklin let the question simmer. He glanced at the white beams running across the ceiling and the gray steel pillars along the edge of the platform. One of the pillars held a sign that read World Trade Center, but the letters appeared blurry. He thought again of the chardonnay and knew he couldn’t allow himself to take a Breathalyzer test. The horror of the accident looped through his mind—the shadowy movement of the man’s body, the bucking of the train, the splattered blood and pulverized bones. He just wanted this situation to go away.

“Yes,” he said sharply. “I’m sure the platform was deserted.”

Even as he spoke, he knew he wasn’t sure and never could be.
2

A Haunted Man

 

Wednesday, April 30, 2003

8:06 A.M.

 

Justin Connelly’s turmoil over whether to turn himself in churned faster than the waves on Block Island Sound. He clung to his seat under threatening skies as the twenty-four-foot sloop cut through the choppy seas off Newport, Rhode Island. He’d learned from his father never to trust the ocean, but he had confidence in sturdy, clear-eyed Ken Spalding, the New England sailing veteran at the helm. He also trusted Ken’s girlfriend, Sharon Jenkins, an attractive, thirty-six-year-old brunette who’d crewed Serendipity on many previous outings.

But his adrenaline had been surging ever since they’d climbed on board. It happened whenever he was around good people. They activated his impulse to go to the police because he longed to be like these people, and he feared he couldn’t be good again…unless he cleared his conscience.

Ken eyed him and steered toward Block Island ten miles away. “You must be bad luck. The weather was great until you got on board.”

“As I recall, it was your idea to bring me along.”

Sharon took a sip of her Sam Adams. “I’m surprised you asked him in the first place. He didn’t have ancestors on the Mayflower. We New Englanders usually don’t speak to such people, let alone invite them sailing.”

She laughed, but her searching gaze sliced into Justin. He nervously fingered the keyring in the pocket of his jeans. The polo shirt, light jacket, and topsiders wore well on his frame, which was a bit taller than medium height and toned from regular visits to the gym. His fair complexion and sandy hair reflected his Irish heritage, but his large brown eyes appeared more Middle Eastern. Whenever people asked which ancestor he had to thank for such a distinctive trait, he pleaded ignorance then joked that the inheritance was fitting: the black sheep of the family had the darkest eyes.

Now, with Sharon’s gaze seeming to probe for secrets he could never share, he found no humor in his flippant replies. The gusting wind chafed his face, so he decided to add a layer of sunscreen. When he withdrew the small plastic tube from his pocket, his keys fell onto the deck. The antique wooden pendant he carried on the ring caught Sharon’s eye.

“Cool,” she said. “Does it have some significance?”

“Yeah, it helps me keep track of my keys.” He scooped up the reddish-brown pendant. “It brings me luck, like a rabbit’s foot. I guess you could say I’m superstitious.”

He stuffed the keys back into his pocket, determined not to show his anxiety about the four-inch-long oval engraved with peculiar images. He carried the pendant everywhere but at all costs avoided talking about how he’d come by it.

Sharon gave him a wry smile. “Don’t you trust the captain and his first mate?”

Justin shook his head and applied the sunscreen. “I need all the luck I can get.”

“That’s what you’ll say when baseball season heats up.” Ken motioned for everyone to duck as he came about. “I usually don’t let Yankee fans on my boat, but I made an exception for you. I wanted to give you a taste of real sailing, not the boring imitation you learned in New Jersey.”

Justin cringed inside and his pulse quickened. He stuffed the sunscreen into his pocket, determined not to continue this line of conversation; it could only end in acrimony. Worse, it would force him to say too much about his past. What he’d done was wrong, and he couldn’t talk about it…ever, to anyone. Even if he explained the extenuating circumstances, no one would empathize with him. Except maybe God. And ever since Justin’s life had become an uninterrupted nightmare, God seemed totally absent…if he existed at all.

“Believe me,” Justin said, hoping to sound convincing, “storms on the Jersey shore can get pretty fierce. And I’ve weathered quite a few. I sailed a lot through college, but I haven’t been on a boat in several years. That’s why I was looking forward to this outing.”

The smell of salt reminded him of his youth. He’d never been in trouble and hated his deception, but he didn’t have a choice. No one would forgive his treacheries. Going to the police would land him in prison. He couldn’t turn himself in, yet he yearned to be delivered from his burden of guilt. Loneliness and fear were the cost of remaining free.

Eager to turn the conversation away from himself, he pointed at the iron-gray water. “The swells are really kicking up.”

Ken handed Sharon the tiller then went below. When he returned, he held three yellow rain slickers and as many inflatable life vests. After donning a slicker and a vest, he retook the tiller and tossed the others to Justin and Sharon.

Justin adjusted his vest just as a wave hit the boat, dousing everyone. The cold water matched the temperature of his heart. He’d told Ken and Sharon his well-rehearsed story: that he’d grown up in New Jersey, lived most recently in Albany, and relocated to Providence to be close to the ocean and start his own accounting business.

When Sharon had commented that his athletic build and brown-eyed good looks made him a desirable bachelor, he hadn’t protested. Most of what she believed about him was a lie, beginning with the name she and Ken knew him by—Rainer Ferguson, his Rhode Island alias.

Sharon straightened her slicker beneath her life vest and pointed back at the Point Judith Lighthouse. “It’s always rougher on the open ocean, but don’t worry. We’ve sailed to Block Island many times and never had a problem.”

A gust of spray lashed his face. He hoped she was right, but the experiences of his youth told him differently. The ocean could lull overconfident sailors into complacency then attack with sudden, raging fury, especially on the moody Atlantic.

Sharon rolled her empty Sam Adams bottle between her hands. “I’ve been meaning to tell you about my friend Diane. She went through a divorce a couple years ago and hasn’t found the right guy yet. Would you be interested in taking her out?”

He felt as if a drawstring had tightened around his stomach. From the time Ken and Sharon had befriended him at the Eastside Athletic Club in Providence, he feared they would try to get too close. He’d told them very little about himself and kept their conversations focused on mutual interests such as their love of the ocean and working out. When Ken had invited him to sail from Newport to Block Island, Justin had accepted only reluctantly, out of loneliness and a desire not to appear rude. Now Sharon was treading on the minefield of his relationships with women. He needed to discourage her.

“Honestly,” he said, “I’ve never had much luck with blind dates.”

She put her empty bottle in the cooler as it started to rain. “How ’bout if I introduce you two in a less threatening way?”

His stomach tightened further, and he knew the angry sea wasn’t causing the queasiness. Talking about women reminded him of his wife. Nostalgia gripped his chest as he remembered Tori and the life he’d known before all the trouble had started. If only he could have that life back …

His heart felt numb, as if it had stopped beating out of sheer exhaustion. Images of fun times with Tori flooded his mind followed by their last year of anguish.

“The four of us could go out to dinner,” Ken said. “Or we could just get together for coffee.”

Justin swallowed. He recommitted himself to keeping his real name, along with his past transgressions, secret. If Ken and Sharon knew why he’d moved to Rhode Island or the story behind the pendant, he doubted they would invite him sailing again, let alone arrange a blind date. Determined not to raise their suspicions, he said, “Tell me about your friend.”

Sharon closed the cooler and smiled. “She’s a bit shorter than you and has dark eyes and nice features. She teaches third grade and loves clam bakes, Rhode Island beaches, and the Red Sox.”

As attractive as the woman sounded, the thought of dating her or anyone else sent shivers through him. Coming to Providence had been his opportunity to start over as a bachelor. Women had created upheaval in the past and were a major reason for his despair. The prospect of dating again was terrifying, but he couldn’t let his true feelings slip.

“She sounds fun. Except she’s a Red Sox fan and I was born in Yankee pinstripes. She’d never want to go out with me.” He fingered his hood and hoped the darkening sky and thickening rain would save him from discussing the matter further.

“We’re getting wet,” he told Ken, “and I don’t like the looks of those waves.”

Ken warned him and Sharon to duck again then came about. “We should be okay. Remember, this is America’s Cup territory. You’ve got to be ready for a little adventure.”

When the Point Judith Lighthouse was no longer visible behind them, a thunderclap and several lightning flashes confirmed Justin’s fear: adventure had turned to danger. The angry sky unleashed a torrential downpour, and the wind gusted viciously and churned up eight-foot waves. Serendipity leaned and swayed as she climbed each crest before slamming down the other side. The three of them were soon drenched. The howling wind made it hard for them to communicate.

“This is more adventure than I bargained for!” His voice went hoarse as he yelled.

Sharon wiped a dripping strand of hair from her eyes. “Shouldn’t we turn back?”

Ken used his body to hold the tiller straight and cupped his hands to his mouth. “It’s too dangerous to come about. Besides, if we run—” A torrent of rain cut him off. He wiped at his face and yelled louder. “We’ll be in the storm longer and could get rolled from behind. We need to take down the sails and ride it out.”

The sloop heeled dangerously as Justin crept toward the bow. He helped Sharon untie the halyard that secured the jib and fought to keep his balance above the raging, frothy sea. The wind clawed and bit at him with the singular goal of sweeping him overboard. But they finally won the battle to lower the jib and crawled back toward the mast.

Although secured by the mainsheet, the boom shook and swung on a three-foot path, as much as the sheet would allow. It threatened to knock out anyone who crossed its path. Sharon yanked on the sheet to secure the boom just as a ten-foot wave washed over the boat. Justin clung to the mast with one hand and grabbed her with the other. A massive wall of water pummeled them. Only through the full exertion of his strength was he able to keep them from being swept overboard. He wiped water out of his eyes and let down the mainsail as Sharon steadied the boom.

“Hold on while we lie ahull!” Ken fought to stabilize the boat. He started the outboard engine and began to steer Serendipity parallel to the waves. Another wave washed over the boat, and water cascaded across the deck.

Terror paralyzed Justin. For the second time in his life, he thought he was going to die. The white heat of shame seared his cheeks as he remembered the first time. His mind flashed images of the people he’d hurt. Never again, he told himself.

“Call in a mayday!” Ken’s booming order sent him careening toward the hatch.

“Where’s the radio?”

“On the shelf toward the bow, on the port side.”

Justin shoved the hatch open against the vicious wind. He lurched down the stairs, ducked into the cramped cabin, and groped in the dark. His fingers ran over blankets, seat cushions, life vests, and buoys. The sloop pitched viciously and slammed him against the sink on the starboard side. He bit his tongue and tasted blood.

Another wave smashed his head against the fiberglass shelves on the port side. He began to lose consciousness and collapsed onto the deck. The water that had seeped in kept him from passing out. An intense longing swept over him in the wet and dark and cold, a sensation more powerful than anything he’d ever felt. He longed for harbor…Newport, Block Island, Point Judith, it didn’t matter which.

Even more, he longed for the harbor of a woman’s arms, the woman he doubted he would ever see again—his wife, Tori. But she was farther from him than ever. Far away and forever gone. An image of her lovely face appeared in his mind. He lifted his head. Then he saw a faint red dot of light on the shelf toward the bow.

The radio.

He stood, careened across the slippery deck, and ran a hand over the instruments on the shelf. Where were the receiver and the on switch? He had to find them fast and locate channel sixteen, the one used for emergencies. They were running out of time.

His fingers stumbled onto a coiled cord. He followed it up to the mike, switched on the receiver, found channel sixteen, and yelled, “Mayday! Mayday! We’re three miles south of Point Judith and taking on water. Mayday! Mayday!”
3

A Fight for Survival

 

Waves thrashed Serendipity’s hull, rain pelted her deck, booms of thunder reverberated through her frame. The dank, salty air in the cabin carried the stench of death. Justin’s head throbbed from having hit the shelves. His ears ached from the changes in air pressure. His legs shook from the strain of holding himself upright.

He dropped the microphone and considered staying below. Staggering guilt and debilitating shame had stalked him ever since he’d run away. Going down with the ship would be an honorable way to die.

Before he could embrace the idea, a chill colder than the water penetrated his spine, making him stiffen. The thought of his life coming to such a dismal end wracked his heart with regret. He couldn’t let it happen. Not as long as he could still think and breathe. Not as long as Ken and Sharon needed his help.

The rampaging sloop threw him toward the bow. Fighting to keep his balance, he reached beside the receiver and grabbed the brick-shaped Emergency Position Indicating Radio Beacon. He activated the EPIRB to signal the location of the boat then staggered toward the stairs.

Sharon yelled something that was drowned out by the clang of the rigging, the screech of the wind, the roar of the surf. Her intensity reminded him of how Tori had yelled at him on their last morning together. Now he realized he’d deserved her rage. He’d never known a more intelligent, fun, caring, or gorgeous woman.

Nor had he ever experienced greater oneness than they’d shared in the early years of their marriage. A gust of yearning more powerful than the shrieking wind blew through him. If only he’d appreciated the treasure he’d had in her, he would have guarded their love more vigilantly.

He dragged himself up the stairs then battled through the hatch and closed it behind him, buffeted by wind and spray. The rain, driven horizontally, stung his face. Lightning flashed from cloud to cloud and struck the water in the distance. The cooler broke loose and flew overboard. Sharon clung to the lifeline that ringed the boat and vomited into the sea. Justin turned away and swallowed to keep from doing the same.

His eyes found Ken’s. “How can I help?”

Ken motioned for him to sit down. “Stay low, Rainer. Keep your weight balanced against Sharon’s.”

One eight-foot wave after another crashed over the sloop. Ken strained at the handle of the outboard motor to keep the boat from pitching out of control. Justin had doubted whether lying ahull—taking the sails down and propelling Serendipity parallel to the waves—would work given the storm’s severity. He also doubted that challenging the mountainous waves head-on or trying to outrun the weather would have worked either.

Just then the sloop stopped. A wave hit the bow and spun it to starboard. Another hit the stern and spun it back to port. Ken gave the engine full throttle.

No response.

He yanked on the starter cord.

He yanked again.

A sputter of smoke.

Justin offered to help, but Ken waved him away and yanked several more times. The engine remained dead. He swore and pounded a fist on the throttle.

With no engine pushing the boat forward, it was at the mercy of the churning currents, the relentless wind, the towering waves. Serendipity pitched wildly first in one direction then the other.

Justin prayed that the Coast Guard had heard his distress call. The thought was still in his mind when a wave larger than any he’d ever seen, at least twelve feet tall, broke and crashed against Serendipity’s port side.

He had no time to think or move. He braced himself against the wave but could do nothing to lessen its crushing impact. His body somersaulted backward into the sea.

He went down and down, propelled by the power of the wave and the weight of his slicker and wet clothes and shoes. Water swirled in his nose. Pressure built in his ears. He felt smothered, lightheaded. Submerged in inky darkness, he fought the temptation to panic. He slipped off his topsiders and pulled the cord that inflated his life vest.

The buoyancy pulled him upward. Desperate for air, he kicked and stroked. He broke the surface, drew a breath, and got a mouthful of water from a surging wave. He spit and coughed, searching for Ken and Sharon. The capsized sloop bobbed on its side, its hull half submerged. Ken swam toward it. Since Justin had closed the hatch, he was confident the boat wouldn’t sink and followed Ken’s lead.

Then he saw Sharon. She was motionless with her face in the water. A wave between him and the boat crested and broke over her. He swam through another breaking wave, grabbed her hair from behind, and lifted her face out of the water. She was bleeding from a gash on her forehead. She appeared pale and wasn’t breathing. He placed one hand on her stomach while supporting her back with the other and pushed.

She vomited seawater and remained motionless. He kicked to elevate himself and rehearsed the skills he’d learned while working as a lifeguard. He breathed into her mouth. She vomited again. He kept kicking and administered as much mouth-to-mouth resuscitation as he could manage. His legs and arms felt as if they were filled with concrete. Still she didn’t breathe. Terror stabbed at his heart. “Please breathe. I won’t let you die!”

Only the howling wind heard his lament. He kept giving her mouth-to-mouth on the trough side of each wave, fighting to keep her afloat. Her body was limp. He couldn’t let her die. He gulped the salty air and breathed into her lungs. Finally her arms moved. She belched and wretched and opened her eyes.

“Oh God … oh God …” Her eyes went wide when she recognized him. “What happened? Please help me. Please…”

“I will. I promise. You’ll be all right.” He wrapped an arm around her chest and scissor-kicked toward Serendipity with his head half in the water. The sloop drifted aimlessly two boat-lengths away. The waves clawed at him, and the wind whipped water into his eyes and mouth, but finally he reached the bobbing hull.

Ken had climbed onto the keel and was splayed across the hull gripping the edge of the deck. Justin grabbed the keel, which was still partially submerged. He held the keel and kicked to push Sharon up as Ken hoisted her from above. His legs cramped. His arms were leaden. Sharon let out a gasp as he shoved her onto the hull.

“You’ve got to stay with the boat!” he yelled above the screeching wind. “It’s your only hope.”

She nodded weakly and struggled to hold on. Just as Ken maneuvered her onto the hull, Justin heard a squawking, whirling noise. He glimpsed the lights of a Coast Guard helicopter. A wave hit him from behind and smacked his head against the keel. A murky haze descended. He opened his mouth and water poured into his lungs.

He began to sink. His head ached as if it had been crushed in a vice. The last sound he heard was the whirring cacophony of helicopter rotors above the shrieking wind. He strained to kick, but cramps gnarled his legs. He felt himself sinking deeper and blacking out.

No more light.

No more strength.

Must have air … now! … Can’t wait any longer …

His lungs spasmed and inhaled more water. Help me, God! Please help me! Please …

He tried to scream but couldn’t. He was drowning…too long without air…too pummeled by the waves to save himself.

A massive steel door opened in front of him. Suction pulled his spiritual essence out of his convulsing body. He didn’t want to leave. He fought the relentless force but soon grew exhausted. A deafening whoosh pierced his ears as his soul left his lifeless body and flew through the door.

Terror ripped through his gut. Where am I? What’s happening to me? He thrashed and kicked but couldn’t stop flying. He remained aware but inhabited a new spiritual body, translucent in essence. Darkness enveloped him. He lost all sense of where he was until he splashed into a frigid, raging river. Foaming rapids swept him along in powerful currents. He stole frantic breaths as he bobbed and swirled downstream. “Help me! Please, anyone…help!”
4

An Unsuspecting Wife

 

Staten Island, New York

Wednesday, April 30, 2003

10:07 A.M.

Tori Connelly should have known better than to discuss men with her mother. On a brisk, overcast morning she had taken her one-year-old son, Justin Jr., and her mom on an invigorating walk along the tidal flats in Great Kills Park. Back at the car, when Tori couldn’t escape, her mother asked, “How serious are you about Paul Spardello?”

“I’ve been seeing a lot of him. Let’s just leave it at that.” She started the Chevy Impala, eager to stop at the bank then get ready for work.

Her mother ran a brush through her shoulder-length salt-and-pepper hair. “I’m just trying to be supportive.”

Tori yanked the wheel as she merged into the light traffic on Buffalo Avenue. “You need to give Paul and me time to decide what’s best for us.”

She checked her rearview mirror and noticed a lime green motorcycle following closely. Her breath caught in her throat. She told herself to calm down, that the driver in the black modular helmet was just in a hurry.

“You didn’t answer my question,” her mother said.

Out of the corner of her eye, Tori noticed her mom’s furrowed brow. From childhood on, people had told her she was her mother’s mirror image—wide-set chocolaty eyes, a pleasing but slightly angular nose, full lips, and a bright smile. Nowadays her mother looked more stern than attractive. Tori pressed on the accelerator and gained speed as a light rain began to fall. “He asked me to marry him.”

“I hope you said yes.”

“I said I needed time to think about it.”

“Whatever for?” Her mother’s exasperation rang through every word.

“His divorce isn’t final yet. I can’t make any decisions until that happens. Besides, Sadie can be a handful. I’m not sure I’m ready for the whole stepmom routine.”

Tori checked the rearview mirror again. The motorcycle was gone. She drove through the intersection of Nelson Avenue and Amboy Road at a steady speed.

“It’s not just that ” Her neck stiffened, but she forced herself to go on. “Sometimes the relationship feels … I don’t know, painful. I catch myself wishing he hadn’t been Justin’s best friend. Being reminded of Justin makes me sad.”

“I would think Paul could understand those feelings better than anyone.”

The rain had turned to drizzle. A memory of Justin’s tousle-haired good looks and seductive smile gnawed at her. A hollowed-out ache staggered her heart, as it always did when she thought of him. Their four-year marriage seemed like a blur—a fairy-tale romance that had fizzled into mutual despair in the last year as he’d grown critical, irritable, withdrawn. She adjusted the rearview mirror so she could see the baby in the backseat then looked away when her eyes misted.

“Wouldn’t Justin want you to be happy?” Her mother tossed the brush into her purse and snapped the top shut. “Who would he rather have you marry, anyway?”

“Like I said, it can be a double-edged sword.”

“You’ll never find a better man. I worry about you and the baby being alone. The stories you cover can be dangerous.”

“Give me credit for going back to work, for starting to date again. Coming this far with Paul feels like a real accomplishment.”

“Then say yes. There aren’t many men like him. If you let him get away, you’ll regret it the rest of your life.”

Tori met her searching eyes. “I love Paul, I really do. But the relationship is different from my marriage. I had so much passion for Justin. With Paul, I feel admiration and respect.”

“There’s nothing wrong with that. Passion fades.”

Her mother’s practical bent was exasperating. Relationships were complicated. They often defied logic. “If Justin had died in some other way, maybe it would be easier to get over him. As it is, he still has a big piece of my heart.”

Her mother looked out the window. Finally she said, “I just don’t want you to miss an opportunity you may never get again.”

She had a point. Tori loved Paul, just not with the overwhelming, weak-at-the-knees feeling Justin had evoked. Perhaps common interests and shared goals would make a better foundation for marriage. It was all too much to think about.

The rain had stopped. She avoided eye contact with her mom and switched on the radio. A male newscaster said, “There was high drama on the stormy seas off Rhode Island this morning. A man by the name of Rainer Ferguson saved his friend’s life during a sailing accident and is now in a coma after nearly drowning. Authorities have been unable to locate Mr. Ferguson’s next of kin, but his friends say he has New Jersey roots.”

Interesting story, Tori thought. Maybe she’d ask her editor at TheNewYorkHerald if she could investigate it further. The story made her think of the times Justin had taken her sailing off Staten Island. She’d loved the sun and the surf and picnicking with him at the tiller, his hair windblown, his face tan. The first time they’d made love on the boat came back to her … the smell of sunscreen, the lap of the waves against the hull, the glimmer of the stars out the cabin window. The mystical aura of the night had turned their sighs into music, their kisses into fine wine. Her heart yearned for that kind of romance again.

She glanced into the rearview mirror and saw the motorcycle.

Her spine went rigid.

She slowed in the hope that the broad-shouldered driver would grow frustrated and pass them. But when she braked, so did he.

“Don’t turn around, Mama. I think we’re being followed.”

“How do you know?”

“The same motorcycle was behind us after we left the park. The driver turned off, so I thought nothing of it. Now he’s back.”

The baby started to cry as her mother’s face grew pale. They were only half a mile from the Patriot Savings Bank on Richmond Avenue. She decided to keep driving. If the sleek motorcycle was still tailing them when they arrived at the bank, she would continue on to the police station.

As she approached the building, she slowed again. This time the driver swerved and sped past. She couldn’t see his face because the helmet’s shield was tinted, but she caught a glimpse of the insignia on the motorcycle—Kawasaki ZX-12R.

Her mother turned to calm the baby and let out an audible sigh. “If you’re being followed, it’s probably because of some investigation you’re involved in. What is it this time?”

“You know I can’t discuss it.”

“If you’re going to put me in danger, I deserve to know.”

Tori settled back into her seat. “Let’s not overreact. I’m being selective about my assignments. Reporting is a calling. I have to do it.”

She parked in the long rectangular lot behind the bank and turned off the engine. She grabbed her leather purse, threw the strap over a shoulder, and hurried alongside the building toward the front entrance. The ATM was in the foyer. Through the glass doors that led into the lobby, she noticed a brawny, redheaded security guard keeping watch inside. She endorsed her check, sealed it into an envelope, and made her deposit as other customers came and went.

Everything appeared normal with the usual bustle and rising energy of a spring morning in Staten Island. It was still windy and overcast. She hurried out the door, eager to get home and change before catching the ferry to Manhattan. She rounded the corner and rummaged in her purse. When she found the car keys, she looked up, and her knees went weak.

The lime green motorcycle was parked on the street.

Before she could move, the driver came around the back of the bank still wearing his helmet. He lunged and snatched her purse. A flash of terror numbed her arms and legs. The purse and the keys flew out of her hands, but the strap caught her wrist. She latched on and pulled against the man’s strength.

“Give me the pendant!” He swore in a guttural voice.

“What are you talking about?”

She fought him, determined to keep her purse. It contained her most cherished keepsake, the engraved locket Justin had given her on their first wedding anniversary. She tightened her grip, but the man shoved her. Her arm hit the pavement, and a jolt of pain shot through it. He yanked the purse loose and dashed for the Kawasaki. The roar of the engine pierced her ears and was followed by the squeal of tires. She grew disoriented and struggled to stand. By the time she did, the man had sped away.

“Are you all right?” The brawny security guard sprinted from the front of the bank.

She picked up her keys and inhaled to steady her voice. “I’m okay, but my purse is gone.”

“I saw the guy flee. I’m calling 911.” The guard withdrew a cell phone from the pocket of his slacks.

Her mother came running. “What happened?”

“The driver of the motorcycle snatched my purse.” Tori gasped as emotion gathered in her throat over the lost locket.

Her mother hugged her. “Who is this guy? Why would he pick you?”

“I wish I knew.”

Tori felt as if the ground were buckling beneath her. She pulled away, bent over, sucked in air. She dredged her memory for any investigation she’d conducted that involved a pendant. Nothing surfaced. The assailant’s demand had been bizarre. She hadn’t written about a pendant, didn’t even own one that was worth anything except in sentimental value. A siren wailed in the distance. Not since the day Justin had died had she felt so vulnerable.

“May I use your phone?” she asked the guard.

Her mother squeezed her arm. “Who are you calling?”

“Paul.”

Tori punched in his number.
5

Where Am I?

 

Justin felt ready to vomit and couldn’t grasp what was happening. He fought the rapids, writhing and flaying. “Oh God, oh God, save me!” He gulped breaths between cries. His chest spasmed with terror. “Someone please help me!” The roaring, churning rapids drowned him out. He vaguely remembered slamming his head on the keel of the sailboat, swallowing too much water, being pulled through a massive door.

His body was different now. His head still throbbed, and he felt the frigid coldness of the river that swept him along, but his flesh and bones had been transformed into a mysterious translucent substance. Isthissomekindofdream?WhenwillIwakeup?HowcanIgetbackhome? His confusion dizzied him. He didn’t know where he was, how he’d gotten there, how much longer he could survive. Exhausted, he surrendered to the current. It forced him down and sent him somersaulting beneath the rapids as if he were a ragdoll.

He swallowed water and began to choke. He was suffocating … trying to breathe … growing increasingly claustrophobic. He was sure he was drowning, but instead of dying, he descended deeper and deeper into panic. The descent continued into what felt like madness, utter insanity. Just as his soul began to implode into itself, an eruption from below catapulted him up. He broke the surface retching and vomiting.

The current slowed enough for him to gasp for breath. He coughed and spit as he managed to swim to shore and climb out. He collapsed on the sandy bank and fought to catch his breath in the searing cold. Panic wrenched his gut as his eyes failed to adjust to the thick darkness. He felt as if he were blind. A tide of loneliness more desperate than any he’d ever known washed through him—loneliness for friendship, for love.

For Tori.

The feeling was like the gnawing, grinding alienation he’d known during moments of despair, but its intensity kept increasing, as if his heart were drifting farther and farther from human contact.

All his memories of love and relationship vanished. He longed to weep but couldn’t. WhydoIfeelsounbearablysad?Whydoesthesadnesskeepgettingworse? The longing and confusion filled his chest with mounting pressure. His heart felt as if it had been crushed. The ache spread and intensified as the darkness mauled him. The anguish made him shriek in terror. He shrieked and shrieked until his ears hurt and his throat grew hoarse, but no one heard.

The air had grown so cold it felt torrid. The hot coldness burned through him like a chemical fire. He gagged on the rancid, sulfur-like stench. Desperate for relief, he ran down a grassy ridge and along a dirt path until he came to a cavern wider and longer than the sea.

His mouth went dry and his eyes stung. Multitudes of translucent bodies like his were trapped inside the cavern. Their weeping and shrieking pierced his ears. As they tried to crawl out, they fought each other, but the cliffs were too steep and high. No one could escape.

WhereamI?Whoarethesebeings?HowcanIgetoutofthisplace? The questions assaulted him like rapid gunfire. Paralyzing dread settled in as he pondered the unthinkable: could this be hell? He stepped back from the rim, horrified by the scene while also mesmerized by it.

He wanted to follow the river upstream back to Serendipity, but an enormous birdlike creature with six feathered wings blocked his way. The creature was radiant. Light shone through its body, giving it an ethereal aura.

“You cannot go back that way,” the creature said in a deep, resonant voice.

Justin stepped to the right as terror drove him forward. “You can’t stop me.”

The creature extended a wing and knocked him down. “I already have.”

He got up and tried to shove the creature aside. “Who are you?”

“I am a messenger sent to you from the Holy One who speaks on the sacred mountain. It lies on the forbidden side beyond the dark forest at the northern boundary of this place. Only those who trust in him and his message gain their freedom.”

“I don’t care about any sacred mountain. I just want out of this place.”

Beyond and above the river, he could see the ocean and the storm off Block Island. A Coast Guard diver entered the water and lifted Justin’s lifeless body into a rescue basket. The basket rose into the fuselage as the helicopter flew toward the mainland.

The creature held his shoulders. “I know you want to go back. Everyone who comes here does.”

Justin struggled to break free. “Where am I?”

“This is the cavern of eternal—”

A cry from inside the cavern drowned out the messenger’s voice. “Food … food … please!”

Another cry shriller than the last arose. “First bring me water! I’m thirsty.”

Justin stopped struggling. “Can’t anyone bring them food or water?”

“Plenty of both are available,” the messenger said as it relaxed its wings, “but the souls are starving and thirsty because they refuse to share. They also suffer from the unbearable loneliness you feel. Even surrounded by other souls, they’re incapable of love. They care only about themselves, which makes their loneliness torturous and inescapable. Do you recognize anyone?”

Justin stared at the multitudes. “How can I? They have no faces.”

The creature pointed at a group huddled on a wide ledge halfway up the cavern wall. Their charred bodies broiled in flames as dozens of naked women danced around them. “Do you see that group on the ledge?”

“Yes.”

“They were the hijackers of September 11th, 2001. They murdered their victims with fire and now suffer the consequences. The glamorous women are the seventy-two virgins for whom they lusted. The men’s burning desire will never be satisfied. Their fate could be yours if you don’t learn from your misdeeds and make amends.”

Justin broke away and climbed onto the dirt path that led to the river. “I’ve seen enough. I have to get out of this place.”

“You can’t. Your hurtful actions along with your ignorance have condemned you to be here. The only way out is to receive forgiveness and a second chance from the Holy One. Only you can decide if you are ready to seek him.”

Above the roar of the rapids, Justin heard what sounded like the yelping of dogs. “What’s that?”

“The three-headed dogs lead the demons of death. The dogs follow the scent of lust, greed, vengeance, guilt … of all destructive thoughts. The only way to escape is to think about purity, truth, beauty, love, or other noble qualities. Focus on the ways you helped people during your time on earth. If you fail, the demons of death will cast you into the cavern of despair. Those souls have rejected the love of the Holy One. Your only hope is to let his love transform you.”

The yelping grew closer. “Please just let me go home.”

“I am not allowed to do that. Only the Holy One can set the captives free.”

“What must I do?” Justin left the path and ran into the dark forest that lay beside it.

The creature kept pace with him. “The forbidden side lies beyond this forest. You must pass through the forest and come to the gate that leads to the sacred mountain. The keeper of the gate will determine whether you are worthy to enter.”

“How can I be worthy?”

“The deepest desire of your heart must be to love and be loved by the Holy One.” The creature stopped him with a wing. “Go due north and do not stop until you reach the gate. Your pendant holds the secret to your survival. In the past, you doubted its power, but you were wrong. The power can be used for tremendous good or horrific evil.”

Justin shoved his hand into his pocket and fingered the engravings. Candace had believed that the pendant possessed special powers, but he’d always mocked the idea. He saw the pendant as nothing more than her good luck charm—one that he’d kept to remind him of his terrible indiscretions and his commitment to build a new life. He hadn’t tried to use the pendant’s powers because to him the idea that it had any was ludicrous. “Do you really expect me to believe that?”

“If you don’t believe it, you’ll be at the mercy of the dogs. The demons want the pendant so they can enslave and torture the souls here. As long as you point it at them while thinking noble thoughts, they cower in its presence. If they catch you, the pendant is your only hope of escaping. Do you promise to follow these instructions?”

“As you said, I have no other choice.”

Justin fled into the dark forest as the yelping grew louder. He imagined dozens of long, salivating tongues and nail-sharp teeth yearning to seize him and drag him back to the cavern of despair.

He wove through thickets of towering pines and cedars. The underbrush rustled and popped beneath his bare feet. The thighs and calves of his mysterious translucent body burned, his lungs pled for air, his heart begged for rest.

When he heard rushing water, he headed toward the sound. If he waded through the river, he could throw the dogs off his scent and possibly outrun them. The yelping was no more than a quarter mile behind him as he reached the river. He waded up to his waist in the icy water and began to swim. The current was swift, but he kicked and stroked until he reached the opposite bank fifty yards away. Climbing up, he caught his breath then kept running north. Gratitude for the opportunity to reach the mountain filled his thoughts. He no longer heard the dogs.

After a mile of hard running, he approached a wide bend in the river where the water grew peaceful. He paused to rest and stared at the glassy surface. To his surprise, he saw not only his own reflection but that of a exquisitely sculpted feminine face. He turned and nearly stumbled into a voluptuous woman. She had full rosy lips, long white hair, and eyes the color of sapphires. “Who are you?” he asked.

“I am the woman who inhabits men’s dreams. Come, swim with me.”

She took off her long white dress. Justin stood slack-jawed as she dove naked into the river. A powerful surge of desire swept through him weakening his knees. His first impulse was to dive in after her, but before he could move, he remembered the messenger’s warning. Lustful thoughts would draw the dogs. He focused his attention on the sacred mountain.

“I have to go.”

After a few steps, he almost collided with a tall, rawboned man who ran out of the forest. The naked man stood on the bank gazing at the woman. “I’ve been following you. May I join you?”

The woman waved for him to come closer. He dove in. Justin quickened his pace, and when he approached the tree line, he glanced back. The man embraced the woman, but when his lips met hers, his body melted and disappeared into a mist. Astonished, Justin went back.

“What happened to him?”

The woman smiled and swam toward the riverbank. “I’m a Spirit woman assigned to see which men are more possessed by lust than by yearning for the Holy One. That man has been transported to the cavern of eternal despair.”

A tremor of relief passed through him as he realized how close he’d come to destruction. He headed north at a steady pace as the air grew now frigid, now sizzling hot. The sacred mountain was several miles away. He studied its majestic slopes and pondered his desire to see and hear the Holy One.

He barely noticed a pile of leaves in his path. As he barged through, his foot hit something solid like a tree trunk. He tripped and landed hard on the ground. Pain radiated up his leg.

A deep voice said, “Watch where you’re going, you clumsy fool!”

A hunchbacked man with broad shoulders and a round, pockmarked face charged him. Justin sprang to his feet and braced to fight the gnarled, hulking creature.

“Hold on! I didn’t see you lying there.”

“That’s ’cause you weren’t watching, you miserable wretch.”

The hunchback threw a punch then followed with two more. One of the punches landed on Justin’s chest, knocking him down. He leaped up and assumed a boxer’s stance as a surge of anger welled up in his gut. “All right. If you want a fight, you’ve got one.”

The hunchback stepped back and laughed. “I knew you’d lose your temper and want revenge. Now you’ve signaled your location to the dogs. I won’t have to punish you for disturbing the peace of the forest. They’ll do it for me.”

“Who are you?”

“Who wants to know?”

“Justin Connelly. I’m trying to make it to the sacred mountain.”

“You can’t go there. It’s on the forbidden side. But there’s no chance of your gettin’ there anyway. The dogs’ll smell your vengeful thoughts and track you down like a wounded rabbit.” He let out a belly laugh. “What a fool!”

Justin took off running, cut back to the river, and followed it toward the mountain. He sloshed through the swampy shallows to throw the dogs off his scent. Meditating on his efforts to rescue Sharon Jenkins turned his thoughts away from his former life and his scathing guilt. He ran for more than two miles with the swampy odor clinging to him. When he caught a glimpse of what lay ahead, he stopped in stunned disbelief.
6

The Mystery Deepens

 

Manhattan, New York

Wednesday, April 30, 2003

12:16 P.M.

Tori headed for her editor’s glassed-in office. The clusters of desks and snarls of computer screens in the newsroom of TheNewYorkHerald made the auditorium-like space a challenging obstacle course. A shiver ran through her whenever she thought of having her purse snatched. Thankfully Paul had come through for her again when she’d needed comfort. He offered her stability and companionship, but the question of whether these were enough to sustain a marriage gnawed at her. The closer she got to her meeting with Grant Richards, the colder the shiver grew until it matched the air outside. She wished she’d worn something heavier than her double-knit gray slacks and black sweater.

The images flashing on the enormous flat-screen TV at the front of the room drew her attention. A fine-boned anchorwoman with long auburn hair reported a new Middle East peace initiative called the Roadmap. Tori kept going through the bustle of activity. She’d entered the newsroom hoping its familiar coffee smells and harried chatter would help her regain her equilibrium. Now that she was here, she needed something more. Only her boss could provide it.

She found his office empty and glanced around. Her gaze darted to a neatly coiffed sportscaster on the TV who was reading the baseball scores: the Red Sox had beaten the Yankees at Fenway. Then a slender man with the worst comb-over in Manhattan besides that of former mayor Rudy Giuliani emerged from another office. Grant Richards approached holding a rolled up newspaper.

“You wanted to see me?” he asked.

“Yes. Something has come up.”

She followed him into his cramped office and sat in the wooden chair across from his metal desk. He pointed the remote at the TV and lowered the volume. “I also have something to discuss with you, but go ahead.”

She drew a quick breath. “My purse was snatched this morning.”

“What!” He came around the desk, his thin face draped with concern. “Where?”

“In the parking lot of the Patriot Savings Bank a few blocks from my house.”

“Are you all right?”

“I am now, but it gave me quite a scare.”

He leaned against the desk and hugged the newspaper. “What happened?”

She told him about the guy on the motorcycle, about her attempt to save her purse.

“You fought him?” Grant sounded incredulous. “Not a good idea. Did you get his plate number?”

“Everything happened too fast.” The memory of the man slamming her down brought back the chills. She rubbed her arms. “All I could tell the police was the make of the motorcycle, and that the guy had the trim, muscular physique of an athlete.” She locked eyes with Grant. “But here’s what’s really strange. He was sure I had a pendant of some kind in my purse.”

“A pendant?” He sat on the edge of the desk. “What’s that about?”

“I’m mystified. That’s why I had to talk with you. I’d like some time to investigate the incident.”

“Why? You reported it to the police, didn’t you?”

She’d expected him to oppose the idea and had come prepared. “Yes, but the police have failed me in the past. Remember the threats I’ve gotten because of my articles? My laptop has been stolen from my car. My home was burglarized. The cops didn’t produce a single suspect in those cases.”

He examined the rolled-up newspaper through the square lenses of his thick-framed glasses. “You know the detectives are overwhelmed. They don’t have time to investigate small crimes thoroughly.”

She slapped the armrest. “That’s my point. I’m afraid they won’t even try to catch this guy, and he’ll come after me again when he doesn’t find the pendant in my purse.”

“Look, I know you’re concerned, and so am I but …” He slid around to the other side of the desk and unfurled the paper. “This is a good lead-in to an assignment I want to discuss with you. Even the Post is eating our lunch on the Iraq War. We’ve got to expand our coverage. I’m going to need your help.”

“I’ve been helping for more than a month, ever since the war started.” She stared at the coffee mug full of pens on his cluttered desk and thought of the endless hours she’d spent earning her journalism degree. She couldn’t afford to alienate her boss. Neither could she sleep at night if the attacker who thought she had some valuable pendant stayed at large. “What more do you want me to do?”

“We need some captivating human interest stories. People want to know about the soldiers from New York and New Jersey—what they’re facing in Iraq, how their families are coping. We also need more features about the fallen.”

She felt herself tense. Writing about tragic deaths had become excruciating for her since September 11th. Features about bereaved wives were especially painful. She found herself gripped by the longing to have Justin back, if only for a moment. She would gladly give her life to have him kiss and hold her one last time.

As always, Grant was obsessed with the paper. He would only agree to her request if she wrote more about the soldiers and their families. “I’m ready to take on any of those assignments. You can add to them an interesting story I heard on the radio this morning. A guy from New Jersey saved his friend from drowning in Rhode Island and ended up in a coma. All I ask is that you also let me see if I can find out anything about the purse snatcher.”

Grant whacked the newspaper with an open palm. “Don’t you realize what’s at stake here? Your job could be on the line … and mine too.”

She stood and gripped the edge of the desk. “I’m more concerned about my life.” She leaned forward to within inches of his reddening face. “I can do both. Trust me.”

He stepped back and grew reflective. “I’m concerned about you, I really am, but …”

She caught a glimpse of the TV in the newsroom as the camera zoomed in on a photograph of a man who looked eerily familiar. He reminded her of Justin. She turned and stared at the smaller TV behind her. “Quick, Grant. Turn up the volume.”

The anchorwoman said, “In an extraordinary development, the man in the photograph, known as Rainer Ferguson, was knocked unconscious while rescuing a woman during a sailing accident off the Rhode Island s

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After the Fog

by Kathleen Shoop

4.1 stars – 107 Reviews
Text-to-Speech and Lending: Enabled
Here’s the set-up:

Historic drama wrapped in a love story…

It’s 1948 in the steel town of Donora, Pennsylvania, site of the infamous “killing smog.” Public health nurse, Rose Pavlesic, has risen above her orphaned upbringing and created a life that reflects everything she missed as a child. She’s even managed to keep her painful secrets hidden from her doting husband, loving children, and large extended family.

When a stagnant weather pattern traps poisonous mill gasses in the valley, neighbors grow sicker and Rose’s nursing obligations thrust her into conflict she never could have fathomed. Consequences from her past collide with her present life, making her once clear decisions as gray as the suffocating smog. As pressure mounts, Rose finds she’s not the only one harboring lies. When the deadly fog finally clears, the loss of trust and faith leaves the Pavlesic family — and the whole town — splintered and shocked. With her new perspective, can Rose finally forgive herself and let her family’s healing begin?

5-star praise for After the Fog:

“…vivid, dramatic…will linger with you long after you close the book…a beautiful story of love, loss and survival.”

“The reader can’t help but get caught up in the lives of the strong yet emotionally wounded characters Kathleen Shoop creates. I found myself completely immersed in their struggles, hopes and dreams.”

an excerpt from

After the Fog

by Kathleen Shoop

Copyright © 2014 by Kathleen Shoop and published here with her permission

Chapter 1

 

Tuesday, October 26th, 1948

Donora, Pennsylvania

 

Inside the Greshecky home, Rose pressed the light switch but knew it wouldn’t work. Ian appeared, his form outlined by the paltry light slipping through a gap in the wood siding. Even in darkness his complexion—white as the smoky plumes billowing from the zinc mill—told Rose things were not well with his Aunt. He opened his mouth, but Rose grasped his shoulders and shoved the twelve-year-old toward the kitchen before Ian could form a single word.

“Heat the water. Get the clean towels we hid away for the birth.”

Ian looked at his feet, but didn’t move.

“Go on. You remember,” Rose said.

Ian nodded.

Isabella’s screech from the back of the house summoned Rose toward the bedroom. She groped the walls trying to remember the placement of the furniture. The last thing she needed was to trip and fall. She stepped where the wood floor dropped a few inches into an unfinished dirt path, stumbled and twisted her knee. She grimaced and fell back against the wall, bent over, grasping her throbbing leg. Nothing felt out of place. Another wail. Rose pushed off the wall and limped down the hall toward Isabella. She slammed open the bedroom door, tearing it from its hinge.

In the middle of the shadowy room, Isabella squatted as though urinating, her nightgown splashed with blackened blood, its thick iron odor choking the air. Rose hooked Isabella under the arms and hauled her toward the window, and the mattress on the ground. Rose dug her heels in; thankful traction was the one good attribute of having a mud floor.

She gritted her teeth, wanting to reassure Isabella, to remind her of the slew of births Rose had assisted over the years. But Isabella’s awkward two hundred pounds consumed the energy Rose might have spent on reassuring words.

Isabella groaned and bucked forward. Rose knelt in front of her on the mattress, praying for the moon to move a sliver to the right and illuminate the shadowy room. Rose needed to assess why there was so much blood; Ian was spooked enough to forget the candles she had requested, and his uncle, the baby’s father, was on shift at the mill.

Rose gripped Isabella’s knees and tried to wrench them apart. “It’s all right, you can let go. It’s okay, Isabella. Baby’s coming.” Isabella’s legs gave way and fell open as she dropped back onto the mattress, gasping. Rose felt between the woman’s legs to the baby’s crowned head. She felt a surge of panic at Isabella’s sudden silence, but pushed her fear away.

Rose supported the baby’s head and reached for Isabella’s hand. She squinted, trying to gauge if Isabella’s nails had blued from lack of oxygen, but it was too dark.

“Isabella? You all right? Baby’s here. Prop yourself up, you don’t even need to push, he’s coming, he’s—”

The baby slid out, bringing the usual tumble of cording, but so much more Rose thought she was witnessing the birth of triplets. So much flesh falling through her fingers in the darkness. The rush of blood warmed Rose’s knees, saturating her nurse’s uniform as if it were consuming it.

Her breath tripped and sputtered as she fumbled through the mass of expelled tissue and peeled the baby away. She flipped the body over, whacking its back. Part of Rose understood what she was experiencing, but in the darkness, she could pretend.

“It’s a girl, Isabella. Your baby girl’s here. Just like you wanted. A girl to stay by your side.” Rose worked quickly, firmly opening the baby’s airway and bracing her against her chest, warming her back to life. The baby was definitely full-term, but too thin, and not breathing, heart stilled. Rose cursed herself for not forcing Isabella to take the labor inducement, but the woman thought God alone had the right to induce anything.

“Auntie Bella?”

Rose snapped around. She hadn’t heard anyone come into the room. Behind her stood Ian, a nearly invisible form holding fresh bleached towels that glowed in the twilight. The image of a happy birth flashed through Rose’s mind, a plump, pink baby and healthy mother. Rose’s heart heaved with desolation at what Ian was about to understand.

She waved Ian to her. “I need you to hold this little princess while I tend to your aunt. And, get the scissors from my bag.”

He nodded, handing over the downy towels and dashed to Rose’s bag. She didn’t have time to tell him how to be sanitary when handling them, too busy toweling the blood and fluid from the baby’s eyes, her own burning from the emotion she was stuffing away.

Ian dashed back with the scissors, thrusting them under Rose’s nose.

“She’s okay, right? Both of them?”

Rose lay the baby on the towel, not saying a word, and cut the infant’s cord. Next she swaddled the baby and handed her to Ian. She shuffled him toward the chair across the room and ordered him to sit; fearful he might pass out, afraid if he wasn’t in the room, she might.

Rose resumed her attempts to stop Isabella’s bleeding and rouse her with soft words, knowing the woman died with the birth of her daughter. Even without surgical lighting, Rose saw the woman’s uterus had been expelled with the baby and even in a hospital, it was unlikely she would have survived.

“Sweet Isabella,” Rose whispered, wiping the woman’s hair from her brow. “I’ll put in a call to Dr. Bonaroti.” Rose wiped her hands on the uniform’s apron; angered the physician hadn’t made it to the birth.

“No phone, Nurse Rose,” Ian said, “‘member last time yunz guys come down the house for—”

Ian began hyperventilating, his body shuddering rhythmically, bouncing him out of the chair. His desperation jolted Rose’s own grief. She dashed toward the boy grasping his arms.

“That’ll be enough, Ian. I need your help.”

He looked up, snot flying from his nose, saliva at the corners of his mouth like a rabid animal, and she grabbed him from the chair, hugged him so tight he choked. She held him there, baby between them. Rose eased his pain with the warmth of her skin, hoping that she could stave off the sadness he’d feel as he grew up without his aunt.

“Now Ian. You need to go next door and phone Dr. Bonaroti.” Where was that damn doctor? This was exactly why Donora needed to fund Rose for the next year. If her nearly one year serving as a community nurse had shown her anything, it was that they actually needed three nurses. Just two more months of funding and the program was shot if their data wasn’t convincing.

Rose took the baby and guided Ian from the room. “Tell Alice to tell the doc it’s an emergency.”

She rubbed his back and wanted to say everything would be all right, but she knew nothing would be fine for young Ian. His uncle had a lust for booze and when he wasn’t breaking his neck in the zinc mill, was inattentive even at his most benign.

Though she would have given anything to be one of those people who could lie to make someone feel better, she had discovered through the losses she’d experienced in life, she was not that kind of woman at all.

 

* * *

With candles finally lit and a mixing bowl of water by the bed, Rose wiped Isabella’s crusting blood with a moist pledget. The blood had hardened into shapes, a map of where a life had drained from a body; the heaviest, black splashes were caked near the opening that should have delivered the world vibrant life instead of death.

Rose swallowed tears and cleared her throat. More could have been done for Isabella. If only there was more than one community nurse in town. No time for tears. She prayed for Isabella, repeating Hail Marys and Our Fathers hoping somehow the act would help usher the lost souls into the afterlife.

A door slammed somewhere in the home and Rose stopped her work. Her lips kept perfect prayerful time. Dr. Bonaroti barreled into the bedroom, stopped short behind Rose, kicking dirt up from the primitive floor. His unusual silence conveyed sorrow that a patient had met her end in the way she had.

“Doctor,” Rose said without looking up from Isabella’s leg.

“Rose.” His voice was low.

She washed Isabella’s legs. Her touch was firm, but gentle, scrubbing as though Isabella’s spirit might feel the cleansing of her flesh. With her free hand, Rose fished around the bowl beside her for another pledget and held it up to Bonaroti. He shuffled around Isabella’s body, taking his place across from Rose.

The doctor and his nurse bathed Isabella in silent, tandem rhythm that reflected their sadness and expertise in caring for patients for decades.

When they finished, Rose got the white sheet she brought with her and snapped it into the air, releasing its fresh scent. It billowed up and out before dropping and draping Isabella’s still bloated shape. Bonaroti examined the baby and scribbled on his documents, lifting his gaze to Rose periodically. She met his eyes with a nod, noting that this death was particularly hard for him. In most situations, he was not afraid to infuse the moment with his dry sense of humor.

Rose wrapped the infant in a small blanket and marveled at her blemish-free face. Somehow they must be wrong; this infant, with no outward signs of death was really alive. Rose unwrapped the baby, listened for breath again, felt for the rush of blood where thin veins and arteries ran inside her tiny wrist. Certain the baby was dead, Rose tucked the precious bundle inside Isabella’s arm as though they were asleep after a late night feeding.

“You’re not going to try and baptize this one? Not going to call the priest?” Dr. Bonaroti said.

“I wanted to. But she was dead on arrival.” Rose cleared her throat worried the tiny soul would live in limbo, caught between heaven and hell. She sped through another Hail Mary and asked God to let this one pass through the gates without baptism. That couldn’t be right, sentenced to an eternity in limbo for lack of one breath and a splash of water over your brow? Rose didn’t think it was true, but still her heart clenched in dread.

Rose took one final look at mother and child and smoothed Isabella’s hair from her face, her fingers lingering, offering final comfort to a body no longer in need of human touch.

* * *

Outside the Greshecky’s, Rose sent Ian next door to the Draganac’s who agreed to take him in until his uncle finished working. Rose shifted her weight, hands on hip. In the early morning, the cool air mixed with her perspiration and chilled her. She waited for Doc Bonaroti to emerge from the house to discuss the coming day’s plans. Though standing by herself on the hill above town, she was hardly alone. The familiar machinations of sleepless Donora kept her company.

Down below, carving the land nearly into an island, the horseshoe-shaped Monongahela River pushed northward. The “Mon,” as locals referred to the river, fed Donora’s steel, wire, and zinc mills—three full miles of industry. The town was located twenty miles south of its big steel sister, Pittsburgh, but was no less important. Incorporated in 1901, United States Steel had gifted Donora with its prized zinc mill in 1915 for the loyalty of the steel workers. Donora understood the power of steel and the way it fueled their existence.

Rose yawned and stretched as the last of the lights snapped off in the Draganac home, hoping Ian might sleep even for a short time. A burst of fire drew Rose’s attention back down the hill. Like triplets, the three mills shared patronage, but each bore its own personality, voice and strength. The three industry siblings were the heart of the town—the reason Donora existed.

They shared veins and arteries in the form of rail systems, and each worked non-stop swallowing raw materials and spewing waste while producing steel to be flat-rolled and sheared, galvanized with zinc and finally driven into the world to gird the infrastructure that built and armed the greatest nation known to man.

The open hearth and blast furnaces were the family show-offs. Their fiery displays mesmerized onlookers with rushing flames, bringing people to a halt as though the hot work was a circus act. Even disposing of the furnace waste—the slag—inspired awe. Poured from rail cars the molten, lava-like debris lit up the sky as it spilled down hillsides in Palmer Park or into the Mon where it cooled and hardened, creating a sturdy riverbank.

Rose tapped her toe, keeping time with the firing of metal through molds in the wire-works—the loudmouth, most practical of the three mills. Its sensible nails provided never-ending uses as Americans clamored to build homes after the war. The rhythmic, measured beat of nails being shaped to industrial perfection accompanied life in Donora. It was a normal occurrence and expected, like breathing.

Rose checked her watch. Bonaroti and one of the funeral directors, Mr. Matthews, should be finishing up inside. Rose thought of Mr. Greshecky working in the zinc mill. That mill was the moody sibling. Everyone knew its value and so its punishing, scorching ways were overlooked. It produced a substance that protected steel from corrosion, keeping the products of the other two mills, rust-free, forever functional. The mill was so hot many workers toiled in four-hour shifts, rather than the typical eight.

Rose rubbed a knot in the back of her neck. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw a light go on in the Hamilton home and a flash of the missus as she passed by a window. Like the mills that never stopped, Donora’s residents rarely did either. Sixty-five hundred of the fourteen thousand residents labored in the mills. Most of the men who weren’t employed there worked in businesses that supported them in one way or another.

And the women and children—their lives were wrought by the mills every bit as much as the steel produced inside them. Up early to feed husbands off to the day shift, and staying awake late into the night hours to cook for sons on the night shift, the women worked nonstop; children ate dinner at odd hours and opened presents as close to Christmas morning as their fathers’ shifts allowed. No one, nothing, in Donora was exempt from the body cracking, character-building work required of their lives.

And standing there in what would amount to the most quiet moments of Rose’s day she wondered what it would be like to experience true silence, with no machinery underwriting every second of her life. She heard the slam of a door and looked over her shoulder to see Doc Bonaroti emerge from the Greshecky home, his dour expression making the ache in her neck worse.

Bonaroti shrugged then kicked at the curb. Rose knew he was discouraged if he was risking a scuff on the toe of his perfectly shined shoes.

Rose sighed. “So. What are our options for funding as we head into the last two months?”

He pushed his glasses further back on his nose. “Present our case to the Easter Seals society, Women’s Club, Red Cross—”

Rose’s teeth chattered, and she pulled her coat tighter. “Fanny has plans for the Red Cross donations.”

Dr. Bonaroti nodded and held up his hand. “The new superintendent’s wife is the head of the Women’s Club now. She’s willing to look at your data, to go with you to the Lipinski’s and to another home of your choosing—”

“To what? To watch me work? No. Think of the patients. They aren’t zoo animals.”

Bonaroti set his bag at his feet and pushed up the arms of his suit-coat, revealing a trail of cheap watches people had used to pay him for his services. This was his way of reminding Rose that if citizens of a small town, even one with three thriving mills had to regularly pay a doctor with watches and the occasional hen, then she needed to make a damn good case for paying a community nurse.

Rose shrugged. “You’re right. I made twenty-five hundred calls in the last ten months. We need three nurses if we need one. So, whatever it takes, I’ll do it. We can’t have more Isabellas.”

Bonaroti pressed his lips together and pushed down his sleeves. He grinned, lifting his bag. “And a dentist, Rose. The Community Welfare Committee over in Moon Run springs for a dentist for the miners’ families. Surely we can rustle up some cash for a dentist to take a look at all these mouths full of mottled teeth.”

He started down the steps that served as sidewalks, a necessity in Donora due to the sharp angle of the hills. The fog was thick and hid him from Rose though she could hear his footsteps.

“Let’s get my services paid for another year,” Rose said, lifting her voice. “Before we add a dentist to the mix, don’t you say?”

“Yes, let’s.” His disembodied voice carried over the groaning tugboats and screeching trains below.

Rose straightened and took a deep breath, wondering how she’d make it through the day with all that had to be done.

* * *

The time between a difficult call and arriving home gave Rose a chance to reflect, to feel gratitude, to pray. She plodded through the misty night, negotiating uneven cement walks, moving slower than she liked, the fog adding heaviness to the darkness of the early morning hour.

Around her, four hundred-fifty feet of mountainside lurched into the air, and slumped over the valley. Near the mills the narrow, soot-encrusted homes of its workers marched along the flatlands. Heading up the hillsides, houses were stacked; clinging to dirt and rock like children nestled to their mother’s chest.

Rose enjoyed knowing the social makeup of the different sections of town and what that meant for her service to the people. Like a parent checking on children, opening bedroom doors and peeking inside to be sure they were sleeping peacefully, Rose did the same as she trekked home. She paused at certain addresses mentally ticking off whether all seemed well. She made lists of who she needed to check on the next day, which people might be still be suffering after an earlier visit and who was covering up an illness that needed to be addressed in the first place.

One section of Donora called Cement City boasted cement walled homes, built to last centuries and keep mill smoke out of the house. They were designated for mill management and lower-rung hotshots. Overlook Terrace, at the other end of town, was for the superintendents of each mill. But streets like Murray Avenue, where Rose lived, were home to American born newspaper editors and immigrant laborers. Some folks had money tucked away in Mellon Bank, growing as fast as their post-war families and others had barely managed to save a few dimes.

Donora was full of people with all manner of education, breeding, and heritage. There were twenty-two churches and a synagogue in the compact town, yet somehow they managed to live happily. Rose knew much of the contentment stemmed from steady work in the mills. The promise of a secure source of income helped people keep soft hearts and open minds toward neighbors.

Rose reached her hodgepodge home, drew a deep breath and sighed. She would not have enough time to sleep so she surrendered to the work ahead, hopeful that her large family would do their part to help.

She grasped the oversized doorknob, and heard familiar huffing and puffing. Before she could turn, the mutt gently clamped her ankle with his mouth and licked her. Its stinking slobber wafted through the thick air.

“Stupid dog!” Rose shook her foot to loosen its grip and grazed the dog’s muzzle. It collapsed into a ball, tail tucked in. Rose covered her mouth and squeezed her eyes shut. Go away, she thought, I don’t like animals. Rose had learned lack of cleanliness was host to many deadly or debilitating diseases. So, she’d decided long before that when she met an animal that didn’t carry disease or filth with it, she’d let it in the house.

Rose exhaled and stood over the pooch, disapproving of its shaggy fur, the ropey knots resembling the rags she used to clean house.

“I’m sorry I caught your nose with my foot, but you shouldn’t be here.”

It lifted its gaze and let out a raspy cry. Rose stared back, clutching her nurse’s bag to her belly. “Now go on, you raggedy rags!” He bolted, leaving a fresh burst of sour odor of scabby filth in its wake.

Rose twisted the doorknob, threw her body against the side-door and heard the usual screech across the linoleum. Inside, she fell back, shoving the door closed. She tried to wipe the sound of Ian’s sobs from her mind.

A rush of hot air from the radiator beside her flushed her face, and raised a rancid, bloody odor from her clothing. She looked at her watch. Five A.M. She felt every minute of the sleepless night. But The Techniques and Expectations of Community Nursing Manual demanded Rose immediately cleanse all used instruments and containers after a call. She swallowed a yawn and said another prayer for strength. Nursing meant everything to her; she was proud of her skill. To Rose, being a good mother was a given. She had no choice but to give her children a solid upbringing, but nursing gave her a sense of self-worth she’d never quite found any other way.

All she needed was a sip of water before she set to clean her instruments and start breakfast. Rose shook off her tweed coat. She sighed as she hung it on its own hook as per manual instructions, away from the other coats that draped the rickety coat-rack in the corner, behind the door.

Rose entered the kitchen and stopped short at the sight of her seventeen-year-old son hunched over the percolator, measuring coffee grains into the metal basket. Her jaw dropped at the sight of what he was using as a measuring tool. Urine sample cups. It didn’t matter that Rose scrubbed them after use with the prescribed green soap until they gleamed; they were still vessels for bodily fluids.

“Johnny? What the hell are you doing?”

He emptied one into the basket. “Making coffee?”

Rose wanted to rip the cup from his hands and beat him on the skull with it, but didn’t have the energy for it. “They’re urine cups. You’re damn lucky those college football scouts don’t make surprise visits to be sure you fellas are as smart as you look on paper.”

“Gee thanks, Mum.” Johnny laughed, dumping the coffee into the garbage can. “I was wondering why we had six coffee measures.” Rose got a whiff of alcohol as he turned toward her. He wouldn’t drink on a school night? Not him. Not her baby.

“Geez-o-man, Mum, that blood.” He covered his mouth and collapsed over the sink, retching.

Rose shook her head at his weak stomach, patted his back and leaned her hip against the sink. She sniffed near his mouth; the odor of booze was gone as suddenly as it had been there. Exhaustion must have been taking over her sanity.

She yanked open a drawer and flipped a worn dishcloth to Johnny. He wiped his mouth and straightened, leaning against the sink, mirroring Rose’s stance.

Rose fluffed his hair, its Vaseline sheen lost during the night. “Go back to bed for an hour.”

“Can’t sleep.”

Rose put her hand over Johnny’s. “You have a big week ahead of you.”

He stiffened. A grimace flashed across his normally affable expression. Rose was hard on him regarding his future, but she knew when to push and when to let go. An argument about the importance of college and a scholarship wouldn’t help anyone at this hour.

“I was wondering,” Johnny said. He squeezed Rose’s hand and seemed to search her face for permission to continue. “Maybe we could talk about college. This week, before the game.”

Rose closed her eyes and bit the inside of her cheek. She could not have this conversation again. “Sure, college. We’ll talk about how you’re getting a football scholarship and heading off to live it up in a fraternity house, smoking cigars after colossal wins and big tests. You just rest up for your game.”

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by Christopher Allan Poe

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Text-to-Speech and Lending: Enabled
Here’s the set-up:

What is the cost of defying death?

As the only black student at an all-white school, Monique Robinson has always had to prove herself. When her best friend, Victoria is left brain dead, Monique fights to bring her back. But she soon realizes that blurring the lines between life and death comes with a price.

Can Monique save her best friend before she heads down a path from which no one will return?

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an excerpt from

Dark Sight

by Christopher Allan Poe

 

Copyright © 2014 by Christopher Allan Poe and published here with his permission

1

 

WHEN VICTORIA COVERED UP the picket sign that she’d made for her protest rally that afternoon, I worried the day would end badly. When she refused to tell me what we were protesting, I was convinced.

In my rearview mirror, I could see the thing sitting there on the backseat of the king cab next to my makeup bag. She’d hammered a wooden stake onto the frame of one of her stretched canvases and then hid the sign portion from me with a taut, plastic trash bag. The scent of acrylic paint filled the car. Not good. Ditching class today and driving with only a learner’s permit were bad enough, but this plan of hers must have been in the works for a while, and yet she had never mentioned it.

As usual, I sucked it up. Unpredictability was the price of being best friends with a savant. Her condition wasn’t debilitating. Far from it, but there was no denying that the artistic part of her brain had devoured the region that controlled her people skills. And then it snacked on her common sense for good measure. The beautiful chaos that resulted was Victoria.

Maybe that’s why I loved her so much. She could deflect insults with grace and win fistfights against boys, right before stepping absent-mindedly into oncoming traffic. That’s why she needed me. To pull her back to the curb sometimes. At the moment, I seriously considered yanking her elbow.

“Monique,” she said from the passenger seat. “Snap out of it.”

“How much farther is it?” I asked. “My dad will kill me if he finds out we took his truck.”

“It’s going to be fine.”

“I’d like to see my sixteenth birthday,” I told her.

“Relax. It’s right up there.”

Ahead, a procession of cars had parked along the shoulder of the highway, against a rock face of sheared, black granite. I pulled to a stop behind them and got out. Victoria grabbed her sign from the backseat and tucked it under one arm.

“We’re here now,” I said. “In the middle of BFE, so tell me. What are we doing?”

“Not yet. It’s a surprise.”

“A surprise protest. Be still my heart.”

“Ooh, it’s dark Monique,” she said, as if I were starring in an old-time Vincent Price movie. “Dreary Monique.”

“I’m not going to laugh, so you can quit it.”

“Will Monique the Sarcastic make an appearance too?”

“Screw you, Victoria Vinegar-head.” I accidentally smiled. Great. That would only encourage her.

“That’s better.” She pulled out her lipstick from her black fitted cropped jacket and reapplied her red color. Only Victoria. Trying to look gloom-pretty at a protest.

“Any time today,” I said.

“Hold up.” She pulled open my gray pea coat, glanced at my lint-balled, black turtleneck, and huffed.

“What?” I asked.

“If my girls were that big, I’d put a sign on a tent and charge admission.”

“I haven’t done laundry this week. Not all of us have maids.”

“Hey, you can be a knee-locked virgin forever if you want.” She closed my jacket. “Let’s go.”

“This better be good,” I told her.

To the west, the last of the day’s sunlight peered over the rolling hills, melting the ice on the roadway to a trickle of gritty slush water. Down the embankment on the opposite side of the highway, a snow-covered trail led to a clearing in the dense forest, where dozens of people gathered.

At the bottom, we entered the clearing through the open chain link gate, which was lined with a slinky of razor wire. Inside, we scooted between several protester groups. Splotches of red snow crunched underfoot, which gave way to green, then purple and blue. The hiss of spray paint came from every direction.

“Looks like Rainbow Brite exploded out here,” I said.

“The Jesus lovers are fighting against evil.” She motioned to the sign that she’d brought. “We are too.”

“We’re protesting with a church?”

“Not just any church.” She pulled out wrinkled blue flier from her pocket and handed it to me. “The Awakeners Church of Life.”

“Where did you even hear about this?” My Spidey-sense wasn’t just tingling. It was having cramps. “We don’t belong here.”

“Quit being such a clit,” she said. “These people are harmless.”

Next to the gnarled roots of a dead olive tree, a gang of brightly clothed white folks hovered together, laughing and talking, swinging their signs. One guy lifted his proudly. God Hates Faggots, it read. He checked its heft, swung it around like a sword, and then set it to the side. Across from him, a woman held her own sign. The fetus depicted sat with a gun pointed at its head. The caption read, Mommy don’t kill me.

“And they claim that I’m disturbed,” I told her.

“These people are freaking rad,” Victoria said. “What I want to know, is whose idea it was to bring the butcher’s blood.”

I searched around. Behind us, a mother grabbed her daughter’s hand, dipped it in a bucket from Jackson’s Deli, and smeared a small red handprint across her sign. Jeez-us. The crimson mess that we had just stomped through wasn’t paint.

“Ick.” I wiped my riding boots in patches of untouched snow.

“I know, right?”

“Victoria, we need to get out of here.”

“We have every right to protest too,” she said. “It’s our first amendment duty.”

“No, actually it’s not.” I pointed to a NO TRESPASSING sign that was riddled with buckshot. “This is private property. We can get in a lot of trouble. Or worse.”

“Promise?” She grinned. Then she snatched the flier out of my hands and read it aloud, “Do you feel lost? Overwhelmed? Come out and worship at the altar of truth.” She glanced up at me. “See, they specifically invited us here.”

“Of course, they did. What good are cult killers without their victims?”

The forest of ancient fir trees seemed to agree. It bristled in the frigid wind. God, it had gotten dark too quickly. Around the perimeter of the clearing, parishioners began lighting a circle of torches. What kind of church held a protest in the middle of a forest? Stupid question. Time to go.

“Victoria, listen to me. I don’t know where you got that flier, but if you value our friendship at all, we need to go. I’m scared.”

“Okay, calm down.” She nodded. “We can leave. That’s all you had to say.”

“Welcome to our camp.” A man with hawkish features and a scraggly beard walked up to us, wearing a puffy snow camo jacket. His dark eyes and deep sockets seemed to hold me in place. “I don’t remember seeing you out here before. Is this your first time?”

“Sorry,” I told him. “I think we’ve stumbled into the wrong place.”

“If you’ve got a sign, this is the right spot. Mind if I take a look?”

Victoria beamed. “Not at all.” She pulled off the black plastic bag before I could stop her, and she held her sign up high.

We were so dead. It might’ve been her best painting yet. Surrounded by erupting volcanoes, Jesus lovingly cradled a baby dinosaur in his arms. The raptor-type reptile suckled on his breast.

“Victoria.” I grabbed her arm firmly and then said to the man, “Sorry to intrude. We’re leaving.”

I turned and yanked her back toward the gate.

“Hold on,” he yelled from behind.

All at once, everyone in the clearing quit what they were doing and stared at us. In my peripheral view, I could have sworn that they all had the exact same smile. I didn’t dare look. I just kept pulling her along. We made it through the gate alive, but we weren’t safe yet.

“Hey,” the man yelled again. From the sound of his voice, he was maybe fifty feet back. Then I heard crunching snow steps behind us. Lots of them. I began to run, pulling Victoria behind me.

We reached the roadway just as a vehicle sprayed by, and then we crossed the street. I glanced back. The cult people didn’t follow us. They just stopped by the edge of the road, as if an invisible barrier existed that they couldn’t penetrate. We got into the car.

“What the hell was that?” I tried to start the engine to my Dad’s truck, but it flooded.

“I was going to ask you the same thing,” she said. “What were you thinking with that little scene?”

“Little scene?” I couldn’t believe what I heard. Please start. The engine finally revved. “We could’ve been killed.”

“They’re my friends, Monique.”

“Of course, the cult people are your friends. What was I thinking?” I backed up. Headlights approached, so I had to wait. At least the car could be used as a weapon if needed. “Quality people too. Fear mongering gay-bashers.”

“If you’re talking about that sign,” she said. “Justin is gay, dipshit.”

“Justin.” I nodded. Now she was on a first name basis with them. Hold on. I couldn’t have heard her right. “What did you say?”

“He’s one of the people who gave me the flier. Did you even read it?”

“How could I? You just threw me out there.”

“They’re protesting negative messages and all the hateful garbage that everyone spews online these days. Later tonight, they’re going to toss all of their signs into a giant bonfire to burn away the negativity. You just made me look like a complete ass.”

“Well, maybe if you would’ve warned me.”

“I wanted to surprise you with something cool for once, instead of the tired BS you deal with every day. Do you really think I’d put you in danger?”

What could I say? I knew she wouldn’t intentionally try to hurt me, but that didn’t mean she always thought things through.

Across the street, the man in the snow camouflage jacket looked unsure of whether or not to approach us. He carried Victoria’s painting. In the confusion, I hadn’t even noticed that she had dropped it. Now, I really felt stupid.

“I see how it is.” Her voice shook as she opened her car door.

“No, wait,” I called out as she walked around the front of the vehicle. I rolled down my window and leaned out. “Please get in the car, Victoria. I’m sorry.”

“Whatever.” She glanced back at me. “You don’t need to worry about me anymore. I’ll be fine.”

The road began to brighten. Then I heard the roaring splash of tires.

“Get out of the street,” I shouted and wrestled with the car door.

She spun around and held up her hands. I stared helplessly as a blur of screeching tires and blinding headlights hit her. The sickening thump punched the air from my chest. My best friend crumpled beneath the car, which swerved and smashed through the guardrail and disappeared over the embankment beyond.

 

2

 

DOWN IN THE DRAINAGE ditch, I held Victoria’s head in my lap for what seemed like hours. Despite the cold darkness, I could see the confusion in her eyes, the blood on her broken teeth. I would have given anything right then, my life or my soul, for the power to freeze time. To snap my fingers and pause the flurry of snowflakes that scoured our cheeks.

I would have spent my days alone, leaving tunnels of emptiness in the snowstorm where I passed. I’d study the warm mannequins that used to be people. Even if the air molecules stopped moving too, then I would have gladly suffocated, if I just could have stopped time back in my truck, just before I said the wrong thing. When Victoria wasn’t dying in my lap.

I didn’t have that power though. Instead, she closed her eyes and stopped breathing. A hand shoved me aside, and several people grabbed her.

Somehow, I ended up in an El Camino with some guy I had never met. And then I was at Eden Springs ER, sitting next to him, drowning in white noise. My temples throbbed.

The guy mumbled something and stared at me with ice-blue eyes that seemed unnatural against his olive skin.

“What?” I asked.

“My name is Ethan.”

He might have been our age, but he looked a few years older. A senior, maybe? If so, I’d never seen him at school. None of that mattered. Judging from his survival clothing, I knew he was one of those cult people. I hated him for that.

“I don’t know what to say to you,” I told him.

“I talked to the nurse. Victoria’s surgeon is one of the best in the country, and your friend is strong—”

“Don’t.” I wanted to believe fairy tales too, but her dried blood still stained my cuticles. No one could live through that accident, and even if she did… “Just don’t.”

“Really. I overheard the EMTs. They started her heart again in the ambulance.”

“To what end?” I said too loudly. A hippie in John Lennon glasses with thinning brown hair gawked at us from the vending machine. Several other people did too. I quieted my voice. “You wouldn’t understand.”

“I understand more than you think,” he said. “You can’t blame yourself for this. Accidents happen every day. It’s not for us to decide.”

“Here we go,” I said. “Next, you’re going preach about mysterious ways.”

“No, I wasn’t going to do that.” He sat up and leaned forward. “You, above all people, might want to think before dishing out stereotypes.”

“Why? Because I’m black, I have some bigger responsibility?”

“Not because of that,” he said. “You judged and executed the Awakeners the minute you stepped into the camp. I saw the whole thing go down. You were wrong about us.”

“Was I?”

He pointed to the waiting room. “Look around you.”

The mother with the butcher’s blood from earlier smiled at me, as if to say that it would be okay. Her daughter had passed out, sucking her thumb in the seat next to her. In fact, I think everyone in the waiting room had been at the rally. Through the front sliding glass doors, the cult leader who had approached Victoria and me spoke to Sheriff Acosta. That’s when I noticed who wasn’t there. Victoria’s parents hadn’t arrived yet.

“You may not understand why this happened,” Ethan said. “But it happened for a reason.”

“What reason?” I asked him. “She was going to change the world. It should’ve been me.”

“Yeah,” he said. “Maybe it should’ve.”

“Excuse me? Who the hell are you again?”

“Good.” He nodded. “It’s about time we broke up your pity party.”

“My friend is dying in there because of me.”

“Your friend just got hit by a truck, and she’s still fighting. If she hasn’t given up, what’s your excuse?”

His words stopped me. He was right. If anyone could survive this, Victoria could. I wanted to believe it, but he hadn’t seen the tree branch stabbed through the side of her abdomen. Or the glass nuggets embedded in her cheeks.

“I don’t know what I’d do without her,” I said. He grabbed my hand, and I pulled away. “I’m fine.”

“It may seem like no one understands,” he said. “But some of us do.”

He reached inside the front of his green flannel shirt, pulled out a twine necklace, and took it off. The pendant was some kind of canine tooth, too big to be a wolf’s.

“Some Native American tribes practice bear medicine.” I could see the sadness in his smile. “My mother wore this when she got sick a few years ago.”

He took off the necklace and handed it to me. Feathers had been woven into the twine. An ivory circle surrounded the tooth. Latin words were etched around the perimeter.

“Did this necklace help?” I asked.

“That depends on how you look at it. She lived years beyond any of her oncologist’s predictions. So yes, to a scared eight-year-old boy, it was magic.” I started to hand it back to him. He reached out and closed my palm around it. “I want you to have it.”

“I can’t take your mother’s necklace. You don’t even know me.”

“Give it back when your friend gets better. I want you to bring it to Victoria for me.” He glanced around the ER. “From us.”

I realized that everyone had stopped what they were doing. They all watched Ethan and me. Many of them were crying, but it was really the sincerity on their faces that moved me. They were just a group of people who wanted my best friend to live. Yeah, they were weird, but seriously, who was I to judge normal? At this point, we needed all the help we could get.

“Do you think it will work?” I asked.

“I’d put more faith in the doctors here and her will to live. I don’t know. Maybe my mother fought the breast cancer into remission on her own. Either way, it can’t hurt.”

He was right, and it did make me feel better to hold something. I glanced down at it again. The tooth itself was still sharp. The inscription around the edge had worn down with time. Why would a Native American talisman have Latin on it?

Don’t do that, Monique.

Sure, these people were Cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs, but they weren’t dangerous. Besides, even if they were demon-worshipping orgy freaks, I didn’t believe in that nonsense. I slipped the cold ivory around my neck, grateful for the gesture. Still, why would a Native American medallion have Latin written on it?

“Here’s my phone number.” Ethan wrote it down. “If you ever need to talk, call me.”

A doctor in surgery scrubs rushed down the hallway to the head nurse’s station. The woman behind the front desk pointed at me, and he walked over to us with a grim look on his face.

“I need to speak with somebody from Victoria’s family,” he said.

“That’s me.” I stood. Technically a lie, but so what? “Her parents are on their way.”

“You may want to sit down,” he said, and my heart caught in my throat.
3

 

THE DOCTOR’S WORDS RAINED like meteors on my small world, each impact crater more devastating than the last. Victoria had died for six minutes on the road before they restarted her heart. No one knew if she would ever wake again or how extensive her brain damage would be when she did.

“I have to see her.” I pushed my way past the doctor.

He yelled something from behind, but I didn’t care. After Dad’s surgery last spring, I could navigate the hospital’s rat maze blind. I reached the critical care section and hit the red button. Mechanized glass doors hissed open, and a burst of pressurized air seemed to freeze me in place.

I stared down the dark, lemon-scented corridor. At 2:00 am, all foot traffic had stopped on the high-gloss floors. The dimmed lights barely fought back the shadows.

I shivered. At the end of this hallway, lay a special place that I knew too well. Hidden away from the regular patients, with their broken fingers and tonsillitis, was a different realm, where the damned endured endless torment, wondering if their loved ones would survive the night.

I hurried down the hall and reached the head nurse’s station, which sat like an oasis of light in the center of the ICU’s octagon. Jeannette apparently still worked the night shift. Her red hair looked like flames under the warm lamps above. Her skin seemed to glow.

“Monique.” She pulled out a single iPod ear bud. “Honey, I am so sorry.”

“Where is she?” I demanded.

“Just out of surgery, but it’s after hours. You know that only family can be back here now.”

“Victoria and I have been sisters since kindergarten.” I glanced around. Two hospital rooms per side on the octagon. Sixteen total. I’d search every one of them if I had to, with or without her permission. “I won’t let her be alone. Not in this place.”

“Monique, please don’t make me call security.”

“You don’t have to do that,” I told her. “You’ve broken the rules before.”

“Your father was a different story. He’s your blood.”

“The accident was my fault—” I choked up, so I paused to compose myself. She glanced nervously down the hallway from which I’d come, so I added, “It’s just us.”

“Fine, you can check on her from outside her room, but then you need to leave,” Jeannette said, and I nodded. “We have to keep her contained until she heals.”

She stood, and I followed her over to room eight. Ethan’s talisman felt warm against my skin, so I pulled it above my shirt.

“Where did you get that necklace?” Jeanette asked me.

“From a friend,” I said.

“There’s a lot of power there,” she told me. “Be careful.”

What the heck did that mean?

A girl shrieked as if she were being stabbed. It sounded like Victoria! Jeannette raced forward and wrestled with the door handle. It didn’t budge. Another scream. This time, I knew it was her. I ran to the room’s front window.

Through the reinforced glass, I saw Victoria lying on a gurney with her head turned away. Cybernetic attachments surrounded her bed, which sat in the center of the room. Underneath the blanket that covered her body, she twitched. I grabbed a chair and smashed it against the glass, but it bounced off without leaving even a crack.

“We have to get in there,” I yelled at Jeannette.

“It’s not time. Not yet.”

I glanced back inside the room. Victoria’s bed sat empty. Next to my faint reflection in the window’s glass, something twitched. I spun around. She now stood inches away from me with her eyes closed, wearing only a hospital gown.

“Help me.” She mouthed the words, but only a metallic whisper came out.

Her eyes snapped open. They’d been carved hollow. Hundreds of spiders began crawling out of them. Several thick tarantula legs poked through her left eye and rested around her socket.

“Victoria,” I said. “I’m so sorry.”

Someone grabbed my arms. I struggled to break free. A flash of light stole my sight, and I screamed.

“Honey,” my dad said. “Are you hurt?”

Suddenly, I was sitting at Spic ‘n Micks. Everyone in the restaurant stared at me, and I realized that I had just screamed out loud. A mud-caked construction worker grabbed his son’s chin and forced him to look away. My god. What had happened? One moment, I was in the hospital. Now, I was here in this restaurant twenty miles away. Was I losing my mind? Psycho people in movies lost hours of time like this while they were busy chopping up coeds.

“Are you okay?” Dad asked. He put his hand on my wrist, although he looked unsure of whether or not he should touch me. Then he motioned to a waitress in a halter-top and butt-muncher shorts. “Can I get some water for my daughter over here?”

She nodded and rushed through swinging doors into the back kitchen area. Everyone still stared.

“No big deal,” Dad said loudly. “She just saw a cockroach.”

“What do you think this food’s made out of?” a graveled voice called out to an assortment of snickers. “I got a good idea. Why don’t I send the pretty lady a drink to calm her nerves?”

“She’s fifteen, Don,” Dad said. “If I ever catch any of you meatheads near her, I’ll snip off your cock and staple it over my doorstep.”

The bar erupted in stomping and fits of laughter. I covered my face, positive that I had never been more embarrassed. Some metal band began playing on the jukebox. The conies and hardhats settled down, clinking their metal forks against ceramic plates as they began shoveling food in their mouths again.

The waitress arrived with my water. “Here you go, honey.”

“We need a moment before we order,” Dad told her. She nodded and walked away. He turned to me with a furrowed brow.

“I’m fine,” I said. “Really.”

“You just fell asleep while I was talking to you.” He kept his voice hushed. “With your eyes open. You’re telling me that’s fine?”

“I’m just a little tired. That’s all.”

Right then, reality flooded back. I’d been spending too much time down at the hospital watching over Victoria in her coma, so Dad had picked me up for lunch. We had just sat down to eat when…what happened? That daydream hit me. No, hit was the wrong word. Daydream wasn’t right, either. A steamroller smashed me into another universe. I had been wide-awake here, yet in that nightmarish hospital, I had no clue that what I felt wasn’t real. The rasp in Victoria’s voice sent prickles of ice up my back. Help me, she had said.

“Dad, I’m sorry.” I stood and grabbed my pea coat on the back of my chair. “We have to go back to the hospital.”

“Not until you get something in your stomach.”

“I already ate.”

“I mean real food,” he said, as if either the Irish or the Mexican menu here provided any nutrition except lard and carbs, fortified with E-Coli.

“Victoria needs me,” I told him.

“Lita and Carl are there for her right now.” He took off his cement-dusted beanie and placed it on the wooden bench table. “You haven’t left that hospital in three days.”

How could I possibly explain to him what happened? It felt like Victoria had somehow mentally reached out to me for help. If I said anything that crazy, he’d ban me from the hospital forever.

“What if I order something to go?” I asked.

“We’re going to have dinner here together as a family, and that’s final.”

“Don’t give me your old man tone,” I said. “I’m not six anymore. I contribute plenty to our household.”

“I don’t care if you’re a hundred-year-old, toothless banker,” he huffed. “You’re my daughter, and you always will be.”

I couldn’t risk working him into a fit. Though he tried to hide it, he was out of breath. He still hadn’t fully recovered from his heart surgery. His cheekbones showed on his gaunt face, and I couldn’t shake the thought of those zipper tracks of keloid scars up his sternum.

“I don’t want to argue,” I told him.

“Just sit down,” he said softly. “We need to talk.”

Something was wrong. Robinsons didn’t discuss ideas or share feelings. Especially my dad, the king of grunts.

The bar’s track lighting dimmed. On the stage across the room, Friday’s Open Mic Night started with no announcement. A female knife juggler spent the first thirty seconds picking up the blades she dropped. Even morbid curiosity couldn’t bring me to watch her nearly slice herself open with every toss.

I sat back down. “What do you want to talk about?”

“You remind me of your mother sometimes.” He grabbed some peanuts from the center tray, cracked one open, and contributed to the sawdust of shells on the concrete floor. “You know what I always said about her?”

“Never trust a white woman?”

“Yeah.” He chuckled. “Never jump the broom with one either.”

“I’ll keep that in mind if I decide to lez out,” I said.

He smiled with such sadness in his eyes that I almost had to turn away.

“She was tough sometimes because she had to be,” he said. “You got all the best parts of her. None of the bad.”

I didn’t know what to say. This was the first time we had spoken about her in years. Watching him chew on his lip was strange too. I’d never seen him so nervous. This was far worse than when he used a carton of eggs to explain the birds and the bees to me. For months, I thought that human babies hatched as well.

“Why are you bringing this up now?” I asked.

“You got the best parts of me, too, I think,” he continued as if he hadn’t heard me. “When somebody’s given a lot of gifts, God sees fit to test them sometimes.”

What the hell was this? He never talked about God, and he wasn’t a philosopher. That’s when I noticed that his eyes had welled up.

“What’s going on?” I demanded.

“Listen to me—”

“We haven’t been to this restaurant in years. Why did you bring me out here?” He didn’t seem to know how to respond. “Answer me.”

“Victoria’s tests came back this morning.”

“And?”

“Her parents didn’t want you to be there.”

“Why wouldn’t they want me with her?” I asked. Help me, she had said in that dream. “I don’t understand.”

“They need to be alone so they can grieve.”

“Grieve for what? She’s not dead.”

Oh no. There was only one reason why they would want me gone. They were going to pull the plug.

“Dad, you have to listen to me. Take me back to the hospital. She’s not dead.”

“This is their business now. Lita specifically asked me—”

“Of course, she did,” I yelled. Everyone stared again. “She’s always hated Victoria. Take me back there now.”

“Dammit,” he said. “Their daughter is dead, Monique. Leave them be.”

“You lied to me.” I couldn’t hold back my tears anymore. “To keep me here while they kill my friend.”

I turned and barreled through the front door.

“Monique,” he shouted from behind. “Come back.”

Screw him. Only five miles to town. I’d sprint the entire distance if necessary. Next to the neon sign along the highway, several big rigs started to pull out of the parking lot, so I headed toward the closest one, which had no trailer attached. Maybe I wouldn’t have to run after all.

I waved my hands at the driver, and his brakes squealed. I climbed up on the passenger side window and motioned for the guy to roll it down. He did.

“I need a ride into town,” I told him. “I don’t have money.”

“Hop in.”

“Hold on. Are you going to chop me up or sew girl suits out of sections of my skin?”

“Sounds pretty messy.” He laughed, but it wasn’t funny.

“Well?” I said.

“Why don’t I just take you someplace safer than this dump?”

“I’ve got pepper spray,” I told him, opened the door, and climbed in. “So don’t get any ideas.”

“My mind is blank.” Judging by the monster truck magazine on the seat, I believed him.

He shoved the vehicle out of park. Something under the hood hissed, and we pulled away.

Help me, my best friend had begged. That was just what I planned to do.

… Continued…

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an excerpt from

Qubit

by Finn Mack

 

Copyright © 2014 by Finn Mack and published here with his permission

Part 1
Drinks Are On Me

1

Renaissance Center (Detroit Riverfront)
Wednesday, January 17th
2:00 p.m. EST (Eastern Standard Time)

 

Lock hunched his shoulders and dug his hands into his pockets, a futile defense against the whip-cold wind rushing angrily towards Jefferson Avenue from the icebound Detroit River. Dark and soaring cylinders of glass and steel loomed over him like implacable gods. Their very name — collectively,The Renaissance Center — was a promise of a future that had never come, a fitting monument to a city that had lost its way.

Perhaps parking in the garage farthest from his destination was thus a fitting, if entirely accidental, ritual. After all, weren’t he and the city self-similar parts of a mysterious socioeconomic fractal? Anyway, it was a costly mistake when it was twenty degrees below freezing. At last, he approached the 200 Tower, eyeing the revolving glass doors longingly. Beyond those doors lay warmth.

And a job interview.

Lock clenched his jaw at the familiar sensation of rusted gears grinding up his intestines. Why did he bother with these things? Before he even finished the thought, he knew the answer. The email inquiry had gotten his attention with those two magic words: quantum cryptography.

Lock found himself coming up behind a small, round figure that appeared to be wearing at least two heavy coats and three scarves, one of which secured a woolen cap, and another of which might have been a tattered blanket. A few curly white locks of hair had tumbled out from the top of this bundle, which Lock belatedly realized was an old woman. He forced himself to slow down to match her gait, reaching forward to help her push the door forward. The old woman turned back to him slowly with something that looked at first like a sneer, but after a moment, Lock realized she was trying to smile. Her face was moist with tears, perhaps from the cold. Lock nodded at her and forced himself to smile back — it was probably more of a grimace — barely restraining himself from pushing her forward towards the warmth.

With the old woman shuffling steadily forward in the wedge in front of him, Lock pushed against the door, hearing the frustrated gasp of the wind as the door sealed behind him. He paused for a moment to savor the relief — and to let the old woman get clear of the door.

What was he still doing in cold, wintry Detroit? Why not move somewhere warmer? Somewhere he could find a decent job? Of course, he knew the answer to that question, too.

Sophie was here.

Lock made his way to an open elevator and got on, unbuttoning his coat, being careful as always with the third button, which dangled from the jacket by a single worn thread. And, as he always did, he reminded himself to take the coat to the cleaners to fix the button. He felt the gears grinding again as the floor number displayed above the door measured his ascent.

Ten. Fifteen. Twenty.

He’d never used his real name in connection with his interest in quantum cryptography, which meant someone had gone to no small amount of trouble to find him. It wasn’t just a matter of tracing his IP address because he anonymized all his Internet activity using a program called Tor, for which he’d proudly submitted several patches.

He walked down a poorly lit hallway with dingy blue carpet before arriving in front of glass doors, upon which were etched the words “Patel and Associates,” and through which he recognized what appeared to be a reception area. Lock took a deep breath and pushed open the door.

In stark contrast to the hallway outside, the office itself was surprisingly well-appointed, featuring burnished wood floors, a perky ficus tree that nearly reached the twelve-foot ceiling, and a thick Persian-style carpet that made Lock want to take his shoes and socks off. The air smelled vaguely of…incense? Whoever these people were, they weren’t recruiters.

He introduced himself to a caramel-skinned receptionist with a mole on her cheek and silky black hair that was pulled back tightly into a bun. She forced her mouth into a semblance of a smile and told him to have a seat. Lock guessed that he’d interrupted a riveting Facebook session.

He settled his lanky frame into a comfortable brown suede couch and picked up a copy of that morning’s Wall Street Journal. He took in the headlines with morose-orbed blue eyes and attempted to run his fingers through what would have been stringy blond hair, before remembering that he’d shaved his head. Kafka had convinced him it would look sexy. He ought to have known it was a prank. It was Kafka’s way of encouraging him to get over his breakup with Mandy. As he pretended to read an article (“Buggy Trading Systems Put Markets At Risk,” warned the headline), he wondered if he ought to have worn something besides a sweatshirt and jeans. At least they were freshly laundered. And he’d worn his new bright-blue Converse hi-tops.

Lock caught himself tapping his foot. There really was only one reason why anyone would be interested in an ex-con with a penchant for quantum cryptography. Especially in the wake of the announcement of the Wave Nine. Well, if the Feds were going to pin something on him, he might as well deal with it. Maybe he could be like DJB or Aaron Swartz and take the government head on —

“Mr. Cairnes, Mr. Patel will see you now,” chimed the secretary.

Lock looked up from his paper with an affected arching of his eyebrows. He folded the paper back up, set it down, and stood, discretely wiping his palms on his jeans. He walked to the office door, which was closed, and looked over to the secretary — was he supposed to simply open the door, or knock? She nodded wordlessly. Lock opened the door and walked in.

“Ah, Mr. Cairnes,” said a man in a shiny gray silk suit, standing up behind a large desk made of a dark, heavy-looking wood. The muscles of his round face were relaxed. He blinked slowly and smiled with a faint air of condescension, as though he were amused by a child playing. He gestured toward an even larger black leather couch across the room. “Please, make yourself comfortable.”

Lock took in his surroundings, which were entirely consistent with the lobby, and included the addition of two wall-sized pieces of art and a spectacular view of Detroit’s west side and the snow-muted expanse of its frozen river. If he had an office like this, maybe Sophie would look up to him more, like she did Dennis, her stepfather. This office was even nicer than the one Dennis had in Bloomfield Hills.

“You can call me Lock,” he offered, easing himself into the couch. “What is it you guys do again?”

“We’ll get to that, I’m sure,” replied Kirin, strolling over to the couch. His heels clicked on the wood floor until he reached the border of a thick intricately patterned carpet. Lock noticed that his shoes were immaculately polished. He looked down at his new blue Converse, which suddenly seemed tacky. Kirin reached out and offered his hand. “Kirin Patel.”

Lock looked up and took his hand, shaking it awkwardly. Shaking hands was one of those strange customs, like wearing ties, that seemed to be from another time and place. He did his best, certain that his gawky handshake was unimpressive.

However, Kirin seemed unconcerned as he sat down in an expansive chair, his jacket parting to reveal a slight paunch, his hands placed casually, palms down, on the wide, flat armrests. Lock decided he needed a chair like that for his living room. His vibrating recliner suddenly struck him as…juvenile.

“Mr. Cairnes — Lock — I’d like to offer you a job,” began Kirin. He reached down to adjust his bright-blue pocket square, as though he’d suddenly noticed that it was out of place. As he looked up, Lock thought Kirin looked like a man who felt as if he’d gotten away with something. “It pays quite well,” continued Kirin, “and I think you’ll find the work very interesting.” He paused and leaned forward slightly. “How does that sound?”

“A job?” Lock heard himself echo dully. He looked out the far window at the cold blue sky, darkened by the window’s tint, and rubbed his hands together slowly. Perhaps this really was just a job interview. However, Kirin had skipped past the usual pointless questions and gone right to offering him the job. And there was still the question of how they’d known about his interest in quantum cryptography. “Sounds good, I guess,” Lock mumbled.

Kirin leaned back, looking surprised. “Don’t you want to know what kind of job it is?”

“Sure,” said Lock, his eyes wandering to the paintings on the wall. The one on the left was white with what looked to him like a brightly colored whirlpool viewed from above — various shades of reds and blues, with a smattering of yellows. Lock decided he liked it and wondered how much it had cost.

“I’d like you to build me a quantum computer,” said Kirin, an expectant smile on his face.

Lock laughed, partly because of the sheer absurdity of the statement and partly out of nervousness. What the hell was this guy up to? “A quantum computer?” he parroted, his eyes coming back to Kirin’s, his eyebrows raised.

“Yes,” said Kirin, looking mildly offended. Lock realized he must have sounded dismissive. Kirin elaborated. “What if I told you that we had licensed the technology from Coherence Technologies?”

Lock stopped laughing. Kirin didn’t look or act like he knew Shor’s algorithm from a brute-force dictionary attack. And no one actually called them Coherence Technologies. They were CoTech, or maybe Coherence. “For the Wave Nine? The NSA locked that up.” Hadn’t they? One rumor on the message boards was that the Wave Nine would be released once the Internet’s cryptography infrastructure had been upgraded to use algorithms that weren’t vulnerable to quantum computing-based attacks. Another rumor held that the NSA already had a quantum computer, and simply didn’t want anyone infringing on their monopoly.

Kirin ignored his objection. “What I’d like to do is hire you to build a quantum computer based on the specifications from Coherence Technologies.”

Lock’s eyes narrowed. “I can think of several folks in Ann Arbor alone who are probably better qualified than I am for something like that.”

Kirin waved his hand. “Nonsense, Lock. We need someone with, shall we say, practical hands-on experience, as much as we someone who understands the physics. Just like the Chief Scientist at Coherence Technologies. There really aren’t that many people like him. Or like you. At least not who would be interested in this job, mind you. The private sector isn’t for everyone. And, again, we’re happy to pay you a generous salary.”

Lock sat back and took a deep breath, his eyes wandering again to the view of the river outside. Maybe this was for real. Maybe he was so accustomed to failure at this point he couldn’t even trust an opportunity when it was handed to him. He took another breath and tried to focus on the pieces that didn’t yet fit. “You seem to know an awful lot about me.”

“Of course!” Kirin clapped his hands together as if something had been agreed on, showing his teeth with a Cheshire-cat smile.

Lock stared down at the glass-topped coffee table, which had one of those interactive magnet sculptures, presently featuring the outline of someone’s hand. Lock guessed it was the receptionist’s. He pursed his lips. The heel of his foot began moving up and down, seemingly of its own accord. He stopped breathing. “I get it,” he intoned, looking up slowly. “You haven’t actually licensed their technology.”

Kirin’s smiled slipped away for a moment, but then he began to laugh and rub his hands together. “Yes, you’re very clever. Not surprising, I suppose. That’s rather the point, isn’t it? Anyway, right. We haven’t actually licensed the technology. So we also need you to…ah, how shall I put this?”

“You need me to steal it,” interrupted Lock, his eyes closed.

“Yes, that’s it,” said Kirin, emphasizing the point with a ringed finger.

Lock slapped his hands on his thighs, preparing to get up. “Well, I’m sorry, Mr. Kirin — ”

“Kirin, just Kirin is fine. My last name is — ”

“ — but I’m afraid I can’t help you.”

“We haven’t even talked about the money — ”

“It’s not the money. I just can’t help you.” Lock stood up.

Kirin quickly rose too, moving a step toward Lock. “Don’t you want to build a quantum computer? Wouldn’t you find that exciting?”

Lock raised his hands as if to defend himself from Kirin’s advance. “Sure. It’d be interesting. But…well, I’m going to go.” He began walking toward the door.

“How about a salary of a…a million dollars annually?” asked Kirin.

Lock was halfway across the room. He turned. Even Kirin seemed surprised by the offer. He was apparently desperate — although Lock now understood why. He was being offered everything he’d wanted — but he couldn’t take it. He couldn’t risk going back to jail again. He couldn’t risk losing whatever was left of Sophie’s childhood. And, hell, it was probably a sting by the FBI or something anyway. “The answer is no. Got it?” He turned back toward the door and walked out of the room.

Donning his jacket in the elevator, he exhaled, his weight lifting slightly off his feet as he descended. He glared up at the descending floor numbers displayed above the door. “God dammit,” he cursed, slapping the burnished aluminum elevator wall, and wondering why he’d bothered coming at all.

 

Sentosa Cove, Singapore • The Li Home
Thursday, January 18th
9:00 a.m. SGT (Singapore Time)

 

Vipul Rathod felt a bit giddy as he shifted the black Acura SUV into park. Traveling without his usual entourage was liberating. And especially so since he’d just pulled into the ample driveway of one of his family’s chief rivals. If there was ever a place he was supposed to have his bodyguard, this was it.

He got out and walked along a curving sidewalk toward Li Mun’s sprawling estate. The morning sun seemed to make everything shinier, and there was a nice breeze blowing in off the ocean. It seemed like an awfully nice day to be contemplating murder.

He reached the porch and noticed a child’s scooter lying on its side. Did the old fattie have grandchildren? He pressed a button next to the large double doors and heard chimes playing a pleasant, familiar-sounding tune. He stepped back and waited, crossing his arms and looking askance at the neighboring lot. It was just as impressive as Li Mun’s. Perhaps I should get one of these places for myself, he thought.

The door opened just wide enough for a tall, severe-looking man to glare at him. “You’re Vipul Rathod?” he said with a heavy Chinese accent. Fresh off the boat.

“Yes,” replied Vipul.

The door opened a little wider. Vipul stepped into a large tiled foyer. “Raise your arms,” said the first man. He raised them and felt two sets of hands patting him down. They found nothing, just as he knew they wouldn’t, because he carried no weapons. He didn’t need them.

“Right this way,” said the stockier man, leading him into a large living room that was almost completely white, with white marble floors and patches of white rugs, as well as a white suede couch that formed a cushioned perimeter around the room. Light streamed in from two large sliding doors, offering a view of the ocean, which glimmered like a vast display-case of diamonds. He made his way into the room slowly, taking in the various details. A telescope. A large painting of a black circle on a — what else? — white canvas. A glass table with obsidian carvings of…something.

“Please make yourself comfortable,” said a woman’s voice behind him. Vipul turned. The stocky man was gone. The woman before him was so beautiful his knees nearly buckled. Waves of black hair cascaded down to her elegant neck. She had high cheekbones, almond-shaped eyes with golden irises, and lips that made him think of fresh raspberries. “My father will be with you shortly,” she said, and Vipul became light-headed. She was still talking. “Can I offer you a drink? Some coffee? Orange juice? Or mineral water, perhaps?”

“No,” Vipul managed to croak, his tongue sticking momentarily to the roof of his mouth. “Thank you.” He tried to smile, but realized that it hadn’t quite come off. It never did. He wasn’t much for smiling. Or women, for that matter. But this one…he wondered if she thought he was too small, too boyish looking. Or maybe she went for that. Women often told him he was —

“Very well, then. Like I said, my father will be in momentarily.” She turned and walked down a hall that led out of the vast living room. Vipul’s head tilted as he watched her hips sway with each step. She disappeared around a corner, and Vipul was two steps into the hallway himself before realizing he’d started following her. That was Li Mun’s daughter? To hell with my brother, he thought. I should be proposing a dynastic marriage. Maybe his brother had the same idea. Maybe that’s why he’d never mentioned the daughter. There was already enough bad blood between them as it was, without throwing Helen of Troy into the mix.

The thought of his real reason for coming focused him. He turned back toward the living room and sat down in a corner section of the expansive couch, then leaned back and mentally rehearsed the imminent encounter. A few moments later, he heard a shuffling sound. He turned and saw the old man entering the room; he was impressively rotund, with dark pockets of flesh beneath heavily lidded eyes, and sported a disastrous comb-over. Hard to believe, thought Vipul, he’s one of the most powerful men in Singapore.

Vipul stood up. Li Mun waved his hand as though to say Vipul needn’t have bothered. He shuffled over to a large lounge chair directly opposite Vipul and fell slowly backward into it. He stared at Vipul, raising his eyebrows and frowning slightly. Vipul said nothing.

They stared at each other.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” asked Li Mun finally.

Vipul attempted a smile again, but this time the icy overtones were intentional. “Nice to see you too, Li Mun.”

Li Mun glared, motionless.

Vipul found himself looking down at his brown loafers. He wasn’t accustomed to being stared down. Usually, he was the one doing the staring. He forced his eyes up to meet Li Mun’s gaze. “I’ll get to the point,” he said, his voice sounding too wispy. This is it, he told himself. Get it together. “We have a dispute, correct?” He paused, but Li Mun simply kept staring at him. “But I think we can both agree that my brother is a stubborn man.” His tone was sounding better now, a bit lower. “We can probably also agree that stubbornness is not a trait of a good leader.” Ah, that’s too low. Don’t want to sound like you’re trying too hard. “Resolving disputes like ours requires a willingness to come — ”

“I’m not going to kill your fucking brother for you.”

Vipul could feel his heartbeat accelerate. Li Mun had skipped ahead of the script. How would his father have responded? Of course, that was an absurd question. His father was dead. And even if he’d been alive, old Bikram would have surely grabbed Vipul by the earlobe and — focus. “Ah,” was all he managed to say.

“Anything else?”

If nothing else, the old man had taught him not to give up. And Oxford and Harvard had taught him persuasiveness. In theory, anyway. “I understand. You’re concerned about the cost.”

“The cost? It’s the heat. Are you a child? In this town? I gotta lay up for months for something like that.”

“Which…costs you…money,” prompted Vipul, trying to conceal his impatience.

“Exactly,” said Li Mun.

Vipul watched the old man. He had barely moved since he’d sat down. Even his lips barely moved. He reminded Vipul of his old Zen master, Yuan. Except that Yuan wasn’t vain enough to bother with a comb-over and wasn’t obese. “But…if I were running things, you and I…I think we’d get along much better.”

“You’ll concede the points if I kill your brother. No. It’s not worth it.”

Vipul suddenly realized Li was bargaining with him. For a moment, he wanted to play just to see if he could win against such a formidable opponent. But then he remembered why he was really here. The points meant nothing to him. Let the cranky old bastard think he’d outwitted Bikram’s overeducated younger son. That actually made things easier. Vipul knew that the dispute between his brother and Li Mun was a complicated affair that came down to how they divvied up the profits from selling whores, mostly from India and China. Li Mun wanted a larger share of the Rathod organization’s profits because he provided most of the political protection. “Three points, then.”

Li Mun blinked slowly and shook his head.

For God’s sake, man, Vipul wanted to yell. He took a deep breath. It’s just a game. And none of this matters anyway. “Four,” replied Vipul. I have to at least make it look like I’m trying.

“Five.”

“Four is plenty. With all due respect.”

“With all due respect, go fuck yourself. We both know you’re a dead man without me. You’re lucky I don’t ask for points on your whole fucking business.”

Vipul sat back. A crooked smile played across his face. Li Mun probably understood his situation better than he did. He was a master. When this is all over, he thought, I’m going to marry your daughter and then study everything you do. “What’s your daughter’s name?” he asked, surprising himself.

“What? What do you care?”

“She’s very beautiful.”

“Yeah.”

“Five?”

“Give me five on the rest, and I’ll throw in my daughter.”

Vipul tried to laugh. He wasn’t good at it. He always risked sounding like a bleating sheep. He’d need to work on that. The important thing was that Li’s joke meant they had a deal. It was an awful deal by any ordinary standards. He’d have a hard time selling it to Anand. But they had a deal, nonetheless. Now he just needed to —

“How do you know your brother wasn’t here first?”

Vipul had begun standing up and so was caught half-sitting and half-standing. He hesitated for a moment and decided to stand. Further discussion just created unnecessary risk that the deal might go sideways. “I don’t,” he replied crisply and began walking toward Li Mun to shake on their deal.

Of course, if Satish had already proposed a deal, either Vipul had just made a better one, or he’d be dead momentarily. He was suddenly glad he hadn’t played hardball — and certain that he was going to walk out of Li’s home alive.

Because there was no way his stubborn brother would have agreed to five points.

 

Jurong East, Singapore • Katya’s Apartment
Thursday, January 18th
9:30 a.m. SGT (Singapore Time)

 

Katya Brittain absentmindedly stirred her coffee with a spoon, even though she hadn’t put any sugar or cream in it yet. Her compact figure was curled up in the corner of an undersized yet abundantly cushioned sofa that she had selected specifically so that she could curl up in it each morning. Her Medusean black hair was pulled tightly back into a pony-tail, specifically so that she could feel the air-conditioning caress her neck. She stared into the screen of her laptop with dark and curious eyes, while balancing the laptop itself expertly across one of her thighs. She held her World’s Greatest Daughter coffee mug with one hand and stirred nothing into the coffee with the other. The mug had been specifically chosen to remind her of home, since, by necessity, almost nothing else in her modest apartment could.

A grainy black-and-white video was playing on her laptop. She watched as a man approached the entrace to a large resort home. She set the coffee mug down on the end table next to her, which itself had been carefully selected specifically so that it would serve as an extension to the sofa and allow her to set her coffee mugs on it without needing to pay too much attention to what she was doing. Several mugs’ worth of coffee had been spilled over the years because of tables that were either too high or too low, and Katya had been determined to bring an end to that particular tragedy.

She dragged her finger across the trackpad, effectively rewinding the video, and then hit the spacebar on the keyboard to allow her to advance, frame by frame. Once in a while, she would stop and fire off an exotic sequence of keystrokes and mouse gestures that resulted in sending the captured frames to her printer, which was on the other side of the room next to a dying fern, a plant she’d selected specifically because it wasn’t supposed to die.
She hopped up from the easy chair and slid across the floor in her stockinged feet, skidding in front of the printer in a practiced move. She picked up the photos and studied them for a moment. She found their subject to be boyishly handsome. Maybe he’s dating the daughter, she conjectured. She walked over to a bare desk in front of a window, a plastic-and-metal affair that hadn’t been selected specifically for any reason at all because Katya rarely used it, except to set things on it, which is what she did with the photos. She stared out the window, which gave her a view of the rooftops of a number of other apartment buildings and then, peeking out from behind them some distance away, the lush green of the parks surrounding Jurong Lake. Beyond that, she mused, where the wharfs and the Singapore Straight, and then, of course, Malaysia and the Indian Ocean. She looked back at the grainy photo that lay on top of the others, at a young man squinting in the sunlight, his shoulders slightly hunched. He looked vaguely haunted. Probably just another cad chasing after Li Mun’s daughter. Still, she’d ask Ong Goh about him, just in case.

                                   2

 

Corktown, Detroit • Mad Dog’s Tavern
Thursday, January 18th
11:00 p.m. EST (Eastern Standard Time)

“A million dollars?” asked Kafka incredulously, shocks of black hair emerging at unexpected angles from the top of his oblong head.

“I could have probably gotten two,” replied Lock, finishing a sip of beer. He looked across the bar at the old photo of “Mad Dog” Sullivan, an angry-looking Irish gangster who was the bar’s namesake. Lock loved the antique feel of the place — the bar had originally been a speakeasy back when Detroit was the principal port of entry for liquor coming in from Canada. With the red brick walls and the gaslights glowing in their frosted sconces, it was as though the bar was part of some hidden, timeless alley.

“Two million? Are you kidding me?” Kafka stared straight at Lock through his thick-framed glasses. They’d fallen out of fashion a few years earlier, but Kafka hadn’t cared. He’d been wearing the same glasses since before they were in fashion to begin with.

Lock gave him a sidelong glance and couldn’t suppress a wry smile. “Yeah, he threw out a million when he realized I was walking out. Hell, maybe I could get him up to three. Or five.”

“Lock, you guys need another round?” asked Vicky from farther down the bar, a towel thrown over her shoulder. She wore her dark-brown hair back, and Lock admired the creative ways she found to accentuate an already prominent bosom. Tonight her strategy involved a black T-shirt, torn open at the neckline to form a ragged V-neck, with the words “Ask me if I care” emblazoned across the front in white gothic script.

“Sure, Vicky, but when are they going to get some real Irish girls in here?” asked Lock.

Vicky gave him an exaggerated frown but said nothing, grabbing two glasses from beneath the bar and filling them from a tap.

“So are you going to take it?” asked Kafka.

Lock leaned sideways and sneered. “Really? You have to ask me that?”

Kafka shrugged, as if protesting his innocence. “I don’t know, man. You just get in and get out. Also, fuck man…building a quantum computer? You’d do that for free.”

Lock shook his head vigorously. “I just can’t risk it.”

“I get that, when we were talking a few Ben Franklin’s to change someone’s grades. But…this is the real deal, man. This is…how’d they get your name, anyway?”

“Here are you are, gentlemen,” offered Vicky, setting the two full pint glasses in front of them.

“Vicky, does my friend Lock here look like a criminal to you?” asked Kafka.

“Nah. He just looks tragic.”

“Tragic?” asked Lock, straightening his posture. “I look tragic?”

“Yeah, you got those tragic eyes.” Vicky gave him a sly smile before wheeling and heading back down to the other end of the bar.

Lock shook his head slightly and took a swig from his beer, marveling at the myriad tip-maximizing tactics that Vicky had mastered.

“So how’d they get your name?” Kafka pressed.

“Don’t know. That’s a good question.”

“Message boards, maybe?”

“Maybe. The thing is…”

“Yeah?”

“You’re right. I would do it for free. Imagine having your own quantum computer. That’d be something. I’d love to try Grover’s algorithm on something besides a simulator. You know, for real. Actually see what kind of crazy things I can do with it.”

“What’s the big deal with quantum computers again? I mean, I know that they have qubits instead of bits, but I always sort of forget the details…”

Lock gazed at the back of the bar as though a movie were projected on it. “Well, the easiest way to get it, is to think about simulating quantum mechanical interactions. We can model them with wave functions, but, on a transistor-based computer, running those models is relatively slow because we’re translating wave functions into a bunch of logic operations.”

“Ones and zeroes…”

“Right. On a quantum computer, however, we aren’t using transistors, we’re using the state of a quantum particle directly. For example, the spin — ”

“Is that Black Irish playing? I think that’s Black Irish.”

“ — of an electron or the polarity of a photon. Yes, that’s Black Irish.”

“I thought so.” Kafka returned his attention to Lock, with mock seriousness. “Continue, please, professor.”

“You asked the damn question. Anyway, naturally, our simulation runs much faster, because, in a sense, it’s not really a simulation anymore. We’re actually changing the state of quantum particles.”

“Like if we wanted to model the effect of weed on the brain, the best way to do it would be to actually smoke some weed.”

Lock smiled in spite of himself and sipped from his pint glass. “Sure. I guess. The thing is, lots of things are based on wave functions, not just quantum particles. To use your analogy of the brain, we know humans are really good at pattern recognition. Like I can recognize you or Vicky. I’d probably recognize you even if you grew a mustache and put on a hat.”

“Or if you were really stoned.”

“Also, yes. But…where was I? Oh, yeah. Pattern recognition is useful for other things, too, like diagnoising medical conditions. So it’d be real useful if we could hook up transistor-based computers to brain-based computers to do pattern recognition. But we can’t because we don’t know how to build brains.”

“Which is too damn bad.”

“But we do know how to build quantum computers. Thanks to CoTech. It was hard problem because quantum particles are really small, obviously, and really unstable.”

“This is all coming back to me now. Each qubit can have more information than a bit on transistor-based computers. Because it’s a wave form? So lots of qubits allows for really complex wave forms.”

“Exactly. It’s like an MP3 file. It’s just a big, complex wave form. But there’s enough information there for us to hear Black Irish.”

“And then you can use a different set of algorithms, like Fourier transforms.”

“Right, because they operate directly on wave functions. Those algorithms run blindingly fast on a quantum computer because the computer’s state already is a wave form, not a bunch of switches that are pretending to be a wave form.”

“Ah, that’s right. And we know how to use Fourier transforms to do things like integer factorization, which normally take exponential time — “

“Well, not exponential, but…almost, yeah.”

Kafka frowned disapprovingly. “As I was saying. Finding prime factors takes a long time on transistor-based computers. But on a quantum computer, since we can use Fourier transforms, we can use a different algorithm, and it runs much faster.”

“In polynomial time. For really large numbers this is a big difference. Seconds, instead of years. Most of the cool things you can do with quantum computers are based on that idea: algorithms that use wave functions, which we have to simulate with bits and bytes, run much faster on qubits, because qubits are wave forms already.”

“I remember you running those simulations. What was that language?”

“QCL. Yeah. I was always trying to show you some cool new algorithm.”

“Yeah,” said Kafka. “But I just wanted to play Super Mario.”

Lock laughed and looked down into his beer. “Yeah, and that fucking game where you had to rescue Zelda and never did.”

Kafka chuckled. “Yeah. That game was awesome. Dodongo dislikes smoke!”

Lock shook his head. “We thought we had it all figured it out.”

“Hey, we had a good time.”

“Easy for you to say.”

“Right. Sorry. I just meant — ”

Lock waved his hand without looking up. “Forget it. The thing is…”

“What?”

Lock took a long draught from his pint glass. “Stealing it. That’s a different story. And I’m not even sure I could build it, even if I had the plans. I mean, you need diamond crystals, finely calibrated magnetic fields — ”

“But that’s the whole idea of stealing the specs. All that stuff would be in there.”

“Yeah. Maybe. But if there’s one detail left out…”

“So…you’re thinking about it?”

“No, man. I mean, of course I’m thinking about it. You know, like I think about maybe one day I’m gonna sleep with Vicky. But not really. I told you. Too risky.”

“Two million dollars is a lotta cheddar, though.”

“Hell, for all I know, it’s an FBI sting or something.”

“A sting? Wouldn’t that be entrapment?”

Lock looked up and found himself amused by Kafka’s earnestness. “You don’t think they’d just lie about it? I’d rather not be the martyr.”

Kafka lifted his glass. “I hear that.”

Lock sank into the aural ambience of laughter and hushed voices and another indie band that he couldn’t quite place playing on the jukebox.

“Hey,” said Kafka. Lock felt a wiry hand on his shoulder. “Isn’t it your fucking birthday?”

Lock shrugged.

“So what are we doing to celebrate?” demanded Kafka.

“Not much,” answered Lock. “I’m opening tomorrow.”

“Aw. Why didn’t you ask for the time off?”

“Need the hours. Every time I do that, Rich cuts my damn hours.”

“Come on, man.” Kafka sat up and looked around the bar. “We need to at least get you laid.”

Lock frowned. “You make it sound like that only happens once a year.”

“Well, since Mandy dumped your ass…”

“I dumped her,” insisted Lock.

Kafka raised his hands in the air. “Okay, okay. I just remember you sitting on my couch — ”

“Oh, like you’ve never had a weak moment.”

Vicky seemed to appear from nowhere. “Hey, what about Sophie?” she asked.

“What about her?” asked Lock.

“Are you guys doing anything?”

Lock puzzled over Vicky’s apparent ability to participate in a dozen conversations at once. Yet another tip-maximizing skill. “Yeah. I’m taking her and Krista snowboarding.”

“That’s so sweet.”

Lock nodded and took another sip from his beer. “If I’m lucky, she’ll come over afterwards and we can rent a movie and order a pizza. She used to love that. But now…”

“She’s sixteen, Lock,” counseled Vicky. “That’s all. She’s just outgrown it.”

“She’s outgrown me.”

“Nah,” said Vicky. Lock looked up just as she winked at him and scampered away again.

“Two million dollars,” mused Kafka, cocking an eyebrow. “You could buy Sophie her own slope.”

Lock regarded his friend warily from the corner of his eyes. “You’re such an asshole.”

“Or maybe I just work for the FBI.”

Pioneer Wharf, Singapore
Saturday, January 20th
4:30 a.m. SGT (Singapore Time)

 

Katya put down the field glasses and wiped her brow. Her black Lycra tights felt constricting in the night’s thick, damp heat. She leaned back against a large shipping container, concealed in its shadow. After counting ten deep breaths, she peered cautiously from around the corner, raising her field glasses to her eyes.

Li Mun was speaking to a dozen men in black suits who stood around him in a semicircle. Behind them were four black Mercedes SUVs. Katya found Li Mun’s presence here puzzling. The day before, she’d noticed a spike in the chatter from Li Mun’s lieutenants. They never said much, and what they did say was nearly impossible to make sense of, even after months of listening in. But in her years in the field, she’d learned to infer a great deal through context. How many calls had been made? How far apart were they? Did the speakers sound tense? She knew something was happening tonight, even if she didn’t know what.

She’d picked up Li Mun’s cavalcade after they had crossed the bridge leaving the Li Estate on Sentosa Island. The use of a private wharf like this one would normally have suggested to Katya they were smuggling in young women. But there was no reason for Li Mun to concern himself with such a routine event.

Two more black Mercedes SUVs pulled up, and more men in black suits began spilling out of them. There was a strange tension in their movements, but Katya couldn’t quite identify what it was. Abruptly, she recognized the man who got out of the rearmost vehicle: Satish Rathod. Now it all started to make sense. The Rathods were a relatively small-time crime family, not nearly as influential as the Li Triad, and certainly not Triad. But they were players, nonetheless. Probably here to negotiate some sordid business arrangement.

The two men shook hands, encircled by what amounted to a platoon’s worth of nervous soldiers. In their midst, the two principals chatted easily, like old friends. Katya hadn’t bothered setting up mikes or cameras — the place was too wide open. She was probably too close as it was.

She leaned back against the shipping container and took another deep breath. This was something of a letdown. She’d been hoping for a breakthrough — perhaps a meeting with the trade minister, or at least the deputy minister. She considered just packing up and leaving. But then she thought of Ong Goh. Another trick that nearly a decade in the field had taught her — information was currency. Maybe she’d learn something that would be useful to the SPF. After all, they needed a warrant to do surveillance here. Whatever was happening, she was the only way they’d ever know about it. And although the CIA was on friendly terms with the SPF, and she was on good terms with her contact, Ong Goh, it never hurt to come bearing gifts.

She squatted down to fish around in a black canvas bag she’d brought with her. She pulled out a small black camera and then slowly peered around the corner again. She heard the rumble of a boat and then saw its outline as it approached the dock. The running lights were off. She heard voices calling out — they were guiding the vessel in. Everyone was now facing the shore, which meant there wasn’t much point in taking pictures because there were no faces. Still, she held the camera in position. They’d turn around eventually. She’d snap a few pictures proving the meeting between Li Mun and Satish Rathod had taken place, and then she’d split.

It was girls after all. The catcalls started even before she could see them. Perhaps they were a gift to cement some business deal? The first of them appeared at the front of the barge, alighting unsteadily on the dock with the help of several of the gangsters. Then a second and a third. Satish and his men were acting as though they’d never seen women before. Li Mun’s crew had actually withdrawn slightly. Curiously, they weren’t looking at the girls —

Gunfire flashed and cracked and the women screamed and nine men were thrown backward, falling to the ground. Katya’s arms fell to her sides before she remembered the camera. She brought it back up, focused, and held the button down. She took a round of photos and put the camera down again, watching with naked eyes. Li Mun’s men advanced, divvying up the slain and carefully firing one round into each of their skulls.

Kill shots. Take no chances.

And leave no traces. Weapons dangled from shoulder straps or disappeared into holsters. Keys were taken from pockets. Bodies were picked up and thrown aboard the barge that had brought the girls, who in turn were loaded into the newly orphaned SUVs. The motor of the barge fired up, grumbled a bit, and the ship drifted back into the darkness. The SUVs efficiently formed a parade of tail lights leading back out to the main highway.

Within ten minutes of the first shots, the wharf was empty.

Katya slid down behind her container and realized she wasn’t breathing. Calm down, she told herself. It was just another gangland execution. Li Mun had, for some reason, decided he’d had enough of Satish Rathod. No big deal, not her concern. But still, her hands were shaking. Even though she had some military training, spook fieldwork was mostly surveillance and relationships. She’d never witnessed anything this violent firsthand.

She looked at the camera and began flipping through the photos she’d taken, partly out of curiosity and partly just to calm herself. Neither Li Mun nor Satish Rathod’s faces were identifiable in a single photo. Satish, of course, had been on the ground by the time she’d starting taking pictures. Li Mun had quietly lumbered into the back of one of the SUVs, never once turning toward the camera. She wondered if perhaps he’d known she was there. She looked around nervously, but there was nothing but looming shipping containers and shadows upon shadows. She placed the camera back in the bag, hoisted it over her shoulder, and hurriedly disappeared into the darkness.

Tally Bar, Singapore
Saturday, January 20th
10:30 p.m. SGT (Singapore Time)

 

Katya worked her way through the crowd at the legendary Tally Bar and climbed up the spiral staircase to find Ong Goh at his usual table in the far corner. She sat down across from him and smiled. He always managed to look at her like she was the only woman on earth. She admired the Clark Gable mustache and the confident look in his eye and the impeccable way he dressed, with a cravat and neatly turned-out collar, his silver hair always slicked back — and his whiskey glass never empty. Ong Goh was truly a man from a bygone era.

“Hello, my darling,” he growled, his voice somehow cutting through the sound of the drum solo fromSing, Sing, Sing. “Will you marry me?”

“You’re already married.” Ordinarily, Katya would have merely tolerated the harassment, taking the high road in the name of some larger goal. She believed she had pretty thick skin. But coming from Ong Goh, it was somehow, if not charming, at least inoffensive.

“I’ll get divorced.”

“Ask me again when it comes through.”

“I will.”

A waiter appeared. Ong Goh ordered for her: “Whiskey sour for my beautiful companion.”

“Just a soda water with lime,” corrected Katya.

Ong Goh frowned. “How can I take advantage of you if you’re always sober.”

Katya smiled patronizingly. “I have some interesting news.”

“There are no words you can speak that would not be interesting, my darling Katya.”

“Right. Last night — well, I guess it was early this morning — Li Mun’s thugs shot and killed Satish Rathod and…eight of his men.”

“Not seven or nine?”

“No. Eight.”

“My, my. Where?”

“There’s a private wharf they use, west of the airport. They use it mostly for girls. But this time there was some kind of meet. Apparently, it didn’t go well.”

“Satish dead. And the little brother isn’t even in the business.”

“The little brother?”

“Vipul. Their father sent him off to Oxford. Sort of the runt of the family.”

“Hmm. So he’s like Michael Corleone.”

“A Godfather reference? Sure. Except his father’s already dead.”

“That brings me to another question.” Katya delved into her purse and pulled out the photos she’d printed from the video capture outside Li Mun’s home. “Is this Vipul, perhaps?”

Ong Goh put down his whiskey and examined the photos. Katya’s soda water arrived, and she took a sip. “Could be,” said Ong Goh. “I’d have to run it by someone to be sure. Can I keep these?”

“Sure. I have some others from the wharf last night, but they don’t show much except a bunch of guys in suits lying on the ground.”

“I can see that in the alley beside the hotel any night of the week.”

Katya smiled.

Ong Goh leaned back and took a long draught of whiskey. He stared at Katya. “In all seriousness, why won’t you run away with me?”

“What do you make of all this? Why is — what’s the brother’s name again?”

“Vipul. Don’t you know, I’m very unhappily married.”

“No, you’re not. Do you think Vipul made some kind of deal with Li Mun? Was it a power play? Did he arrange to have his brother killed?”

Ong Goh leaned forward and took Katya’s hand. “You mustn’t overthink these things, my love. The criminal mind is rarely complicated. Anyway, who cares? The Triad is our real concern.”

Katya withdrew her hand. “I know. I just thought it might be useful intel.”

“I’ll pass it on. Thank you. Do you have anything else?”

“Not this time. You?”

“Not much. As expected, our minister is planning to support the quota proposal.”

“That’s good.”

“That’s terrible.”

“Except that I have his cell conversations with Li Mun. So it proves Li Mun is influencing him.”

“It proves nothing. We have nothing to go after him with and nothing to show Triad influence. You know I can’t use your surveillance.”

“Not directly, no. You know better than I, this is how it always starts. A piece here and a piece there.”

“If it means dragging this case out so I can spend my evenings with you, I’m all for it.”

Katya smiled wearily. “Not quite what I meant.”

Chinese Garden, Singapore
Sunday, January 21st
5:30 a.m. SGT (Singapore Time)

 

Had anyone been surveilling Katya, they would have known that every morning she went for a long walk, all the way down to the Chinese Garden and then back. And every morning she’d meet with what they might guess was a retired gentleman who had a fondness for Panama hats, guayabera shirts, and perhaps attractive young women of ambiguous ethnicity. They would meet a little after sunrise on weekdays — perhaps thirty-minutes later on weekends — on a bridge near the twin pagodas overlooking Jurong Lake and have a chat. They were creatures of habit, it seemed, as they rarely missed a day. Perhaps they’d become friends, in time, meeting each morning like that. Maybe it was just knowing that the other was going to be there, looking forward to saying hello and hearing the latest news.

Or maybe…

ψ

 

This particular morning, as on most mornings, Haruo Quartan arrived before Katya. He leaned over the railing, appearing to stare out at the calm surface of the lake.

Katya walked to the apex of the bridge, taking her place next to him, and assuming the same posture. “Good morning, Haruo,” she said.

“Good morning, Katya. I hear Mr. Li has been a bad boy.”

“I saw it myself.”

Haruo paused. “What tipped you off?”

“Chatter.”

“Cell phones?”

“Yes.”

“They never learn.”

Katya smiled to herself. “I’d like to think perhaps it has something to do with listening patiently for nearly two years. Not to mention Hong Kong.”

“There’s that,” acknowledged Haruo.

Katya smiled again. “Thank you.”

“What’s he about?”

“Li Mun? I think it’s actually a coup happening in another family. Li Mun was just the trigger man.”

“Which family?”

Katya straightened up, leaving just a hand on the railing, and turned toward Haruo, who was still looking out over the lake. “Fairly small-time. The Rathods?”

Haruo made a slight humming sound.

Katya wondered if that meant he’d heard of them. “The younger brother, Vipul, got rid of the older one, Satish,” she added helpfully.

“For Li Mun to intervene…”

Katya was eager to show Haruo that she had explored all the implications. “Vipul must have conceded something.”

“A great deal, I would imagine. This is Singapore, after all.”

Katya was silent. Haruo apparently wasn’t impressed by her analysis. This is Singapore. Murder was rare in the island city-state. Of course, that was partly because it was so easy to get rid of the bodies. The murder of Satish and his men would very likely never show up in the official statistics.

“The younger brother is up to something. Li must realize it too.”

Katya took a different angle. Haruo was always telling her to stay focused. She wanted to make sure he knew that she had. “Given our mission here…”

“You’re probably right.”

They were silent for a few moments. Sometimes, there just weren’t any new developments worth talking about. Katya prepared to say good-bye.

But apparently it was okay for Haruo to get distracted. “What do we know about the younger brother?”

“Not much. Ong Goh is going to send me the SPF profile. Western education. Oxford. Was not directly involved in the family business.”

“You see the problem?”

Katya did not. What had she missed? She waited for Haruo to continue.

“In medieval Europe, the nobility sent the younger sons into the clergy. Today, gangsters send their younger sons to Oxford and Harvard.”

Katya desperately wanted to see the connection.

Haruo’s mind continued down whatever rabbit hole it had fallen into. “The father, then, he’s passed on?”

“Yes,” confirmed Katya, recalling Ong Goh’s observation from the night before, and wondering what had inspired Haruo’s guess.

Haruo made a low humming sound. “Let’s set up on Vipul.”

“I don’t understand.” Katya stared intently at Haruo as if she might be able to see into his mind and learn the secrets of how it worked.

“There’s nothing to understand, Katya. That’s exactly the problem.”

She turned back toward the lake and stared at a family of turtles swimming past, feeling stupid.

“Katya. You’re looking for connections. Sometimes you have to look for disconnections.” Quartan paused. “I’m not talking about the whole works. Just the basics. A radio scanner. A few cameras. Just to have it. Just in case.”

“Okay.”

“Anything else?”

“Ong Goh proposed to me again.”

“I wish you both the best.”

Katya laughed in spite of her frustration. “I didn’t accept!”

“Ah. Well, you should. He’s a fine old cadger.”

“He’s married!”

“To a fine woman, in fact. Until tomorrow?”

“Good-bye, Haruo.”

“Good-bye, Katya.”
3

Little India, Singapore
Sunday, January 21st
9:00 a.m. SGT (Singapore Time)

 

Vipul wiped a bead of sweat from his brow as he scanned the faces of the family’s lieutenants, seven of whom had recently been promoted. The chairs at the tables were all occupied, and there were still another dozen men standing. They were all packed into the back room of Desi, a restaurant whose real purpose was to launder money and give them a place to meet discretely. It was hot and dank, and the smell of sweat and curry made Vipul’s eyes water.

Anand’s imposing figure loomed over his own, even though Vipul was standing as tall as he could. He never stopped being impressed by Anand’s stature. Everything about him was oversized: his bald head, his broad shoulders, his ring-clad, claw-like hands. His eyes always seemed to be narrowed and his jaw clenched. “Everybody’s here,” he whispered to Vipul.

Vipul had no way of knowing. The faces looked familiar, but that was all. His father had sometimes brought him along to meetings not much different than this one. “Watch and learn,” he’d growl, “but say nothing.” Sometimes he would go to the office of his brother, om shanti, to engage in another round of their interminable arguments…and someone would interrupt, waved in by his brother, striding into the office past him like he wasn’t there, leaning forward to whisper something into his brother’s ear. And then there were the family gatherings, where he’d see them lurking in the back, mere shadows consorting at the fringes of the laughter and conversation, occassionally exchanging whispers with each other or his father or his brother. So he had a uneasy familiarity with them, but that was all.

Thank goodness for Anand. Or, rather, for his father’s foresight in asking Anand to take Vipul under his wing. His father had known this day would come. And Anand had embraced the role, just as his father had known he would. Anand understood what his father was trying to do. But the rest of the organization saw Vipul as a threat.

Just like his brother had.

Vipul leaned over to Anand. “In the green shirt, there, that’s Paresh, right?” he whispered.

Anand looked down at him from the corner of his eyes. “Right.”

“And the one with the scar is Sameer?”

“Yes.”

Vipul straightened up. “Good to see you again, Paresh.”

Paresh nodded respectfully. They were going to at least give him a chance, apparently.

“And you, Sameer. How have you been?”

Sameer shrugged. Vipul could see immediately that he’d made a mistake. Sameer must have been close to one or more of the men who’d “disappeared” last night. Vipul didn’t want to appear too cheerful. After all, his brother had just died. Om shanti.

Vipul decided it was time to begin. “Quiet please,” he said in Hindi. No one seemed to notice.

“Quiet please!” yelled Anand. Instantly, the room went silent.

“Thank you,” said Vipul, continuing on in his normal speaking voice. “As you know, early this morning my brother and several of our family were to meet and negotiate terms with the Li Triad for the girls we provide to…establishments in Geylang and other areas. They did not return.” Vipul let his words hang in the air for a moment. He decided that his voice was wavering too much. He needed to sound more forceful. “We were able to confirm via other sources that, as we suspected, Li Mun executed them and dumped their bodies in the strait.” Vipul looked at the faces staring back at him impassively. He tried to meet their eyes, each in turn, just as he’d watched his father do. These were the kinds of nuances Satish had never grasped. “We must obviously retaliate.”

There was a sudden burst of oaths to avenge their fallen brothers. Vipul held up his hand. The room gradually fell quiet. Vipul was relieved he hadn’t had to rely on Anand again to silence the men.

“But we must be patient.” He could feel the air become still. “Now I know what you are all thinking. Believe me. What do I know about these things? What does Bikram’s sheltered son know about anything besides books and computers? I know you are thinking that if we do not retaliate, then where will this end? Little by little, your business will be eaten away. This is how my brother thought too, and I knew his mind better than you might think.”

Vipul paused again and looked down at the floor, as though considering carefully what he was going to say next. Of course, he knew exactly what he was going to say next. He looked up, right into Sameer’s eyes. “But wars are costly too.” He moved his gaze to Paresh. “Li Mun chose his moment carefully. There will be no bodies. There are no witnesses, at least none who will speak to the police. At most, there will be a few reports of gunshots and that’s all. There will be no heat. He will not be sending anyone home to China. But…if we choose to retaliate now…without picking the time and the the place…without being very careful…we will pay the price. Not Li Mun. But us.” Vipul paused again. They were considering what he was saying. They didn’t like it, but they were thinking about it. That’s all he needed. For now.

“That’s why I’m going to offer Li Mun a truce,” he continued. “I will give him the terms he seeks.” The grumbling began before the words were out of his mouth. Vipul held up his hand, and again it had the desired effect. “I will allow him to think that he has won. He will assume, as you do — ” Vipul paused for effect, “ — that I am nothing more than a schoolboy, too weak to oppose him. And he will assume that you — ” Vipul waved his arm grandly at the men, “ — are without a leader, that you will crumble, and fall apart, and then he will take you on, one at a time.” Vipul paused. He was likely straining their capacity for strategic thinking at this point. It was time to wrap it up — something he’d learned, not from his father, at least not directly, but at Harvard. Leadership was about defining a mission that everyone could identify with.

He brought his point home. “And when the time is right…when he is comfortable…we will do to him just as he has done to us. When he least suspects it, we will set an ambush. We will kill Li Mun — ” Vipul raised his voice slightly, “ — and we will destroy the Li Triad — ” and then raised it a little more, “ — and avenge my brother’s death…and those of all our fallen brothers!”

The room was silent. Vipul could hear a water heater fire up somewhere. There were plates clinking together in the kitchen in the next room. He surveyed his audience with his eyes. He had expected them to cheer at this point, but at least they were rapt with attention. Some jaws were slack, others firm, but no one was indifferent.

That would have to do. He turned to Anand, who was glaring at the men, his eyes slitted, the muscles in his stubbled jaw working. “Let’s go,” he said quietly, and he walked out of the room.

I am your leader now, he was saying to the family’s lieutenants. There would be no questions, no debate. Of course, he knew the moment he left the room they would curse him as a weakling and predict disaster for the family. But he also knew they would do nothing about it.

“What did you think?” he asked Anand after they were settled in the backseat of his SUV, heading back to the office.

“I think they will grow impatient quickly.”

“How quickly?”

Anand paused. “A month or two. At most.”

Vipul stared at the back of the seat in front of him and shook his head. “That’s not enough time. We’ve only just begun to recruit the engineer.”

Anand merely turned his enormous hands palms up.

“Speaking of which, have you heard anything?”

“Kirin made contact.”

“And?”

“No luck. Yet.”

Near West Side, Detroit • Kingfisher Used and Rare Books
Sunday, January 21st
10:15 a.m. EST (Eastern Standard Time)

 

Lock had been lobbying Richard for years to get an espresso machine installed in the bookstore. Maybe clear a shelf or two and add a few nice chairs. His justification was that it would be nice for the customers, but mostly he wanted it so he could avoid the half-mile walk to the Bean Bar. He hugged himself as he stood in line, trying to get warm.

A few minutes later, Lock was comfortably ensconced in a pea-green easy chair that had been abandoned by its prior inhabitant just as Lock had taken a hot mug of cappuccino in