What in the Chicken of the Sea was I thinking to agree to this half arsed Otherworld Defense Agency mission?

I’m the most absurdly good looking Vampire Pirate of the High Seas. Being on the run for my life is very important work… and a freaking full time job. Defending Mermaids from some vicious Sea Hags is going to cut into my pilfering time.

Unacceptable.

Even though this is a very bad move on my part, I know I’ll eventually agree—too many bounties on my arse to refuse, and the thought of a certain Mermaid makes my roger quite jolly.

However, Tallulah, the leader of the Mystical Isle Pod of Mermaids, isn’t going to be happy to see me… at all. The horrible, sexy, breathtaking woman has been starring in my dreams for too many years to count. Sadly, just when my mind wanders to the really good nookie part, the dream ends with her lopping my Johnson off.

I just hope to Hell and back that the Sea Hags have some outstanding booty to steal. If I’m going to have to regrow my tallywhacker, the treasure had better damned well be worth it.

Tallulah
Running a tourist trap for humans in the Bermuda Triangle had sounded like a fine plan—until it wasn’t. With the Sea Hags gunning for our island and ruining our questionably successful business, I did what any desperate Mermaid would do. I called for backup.

Of course, getting help from the Otherworld Defense Agency is risky as they don’t usually deal with ocean creatures. Whatever. Desperate times call for crappy measures. Chances are they’ll send freaking Pirates. I hate Pirates…

Well, I hate one Pirate in particular.

Hopefully, it won’t be the one seafaring jackhole I despise more than any other. Pirate Doug would be an idiot to show his face here after what he’d done. Not only did the dumbass abscond with our treasure, the son-of-a-bitch took my heart with him as well.

I’ll tear his sorry ass to shreds if he so much as steps even one hairy toe on my island.